Evening Star Newspaper, October 17, 1896, Page 14

“My rule,” remarked Judge Miller of the Police Court, “is to hold persons respon- sible for what they say, not for what they mean. My idea is that they say what they mean, and to be on the safe side, I hold them to it as far ag I can. Time and time e@gain persons are brought before me charged with threats of personal violence. All kinds of excuses and explanations are made in regard to the threats, both by the parties charged with making the threats and the lawyers who defend them. The general defense is that though the threats Were made, the party making them did not mean what he said. For instance, a party was before me recently. He had threatened to cut his wife’s throat from ear to ear. . “Now, if he made this threat he certainly did not mean anything else than what he said, whether he ever carried it out or not. Under my rule I required him to give a bond to keep the peace against every one, and especially against his wife. The rule is in the interest of humanity, and I en- force it in all cases. Explanations do not have any weight with me, and I do not in- tend they shall. Threats of personal vio- lence are punished in my court, it matters not who makes them, as far as I can stretch the law, and I want every one to know ard understand it.” x * * KK “Mediums and fortune tellers are not con- sultec much of late years in regard te poli- ties," complained a well-known medium. “There was a time when things were some- what different in this particular, but that time has passed. Many is the fee that I have received from persons wanting politi- cal events foreshadowed, but they seem to do their own foreshadowing now, or de- pend upon the newspapers, many of which have a corps of paid or volunteer fore- shadowers at their command. Of course the business was broken up by a lot of mediums who knew nothing about politics, but who insisted on telling what little they knew. “So far I have not seen the prediction of any medium in the newspapers as regards the ‘come of the present presidential campaign, and I do not suppose any pre- diction of that kind would find space un- s it was coupled with a lot+of outside matters which would be interesting enougk by themselves to float the prediction. Do I know who will be elected? To tell the truth [ do not, and our spiritual guides seem to be as badly mixed up as are finite beings on this sphere. This, however, comes to me from my control: The next r lent will be elected by such a clear majority that there will be no dispute about it. It will be no sliding in, or counting in. It will be a rush in, surpassing even the rushes of the college foot ball players.” : eee KX “This bicycle business cuts awful deep Into other business and in ways that no one ever dreamed of,” remarked the pro- Prietor of an uptown dairy lunch house. “Before the wheel began to wheel my re- celpts we-e $60 per day, except in very bad weather. Today I am glad enough to get &) in my till when the time comes for closing up. The bicycles have reduced my business until I have+almost to ride a Wheel to catch up to it. It was this way: My custamers are *mostly government clerks and those in the upper departments. They have but thirty minutes for lunch. and it was out cf the question for them to [ns o their homes or boarding houses for iench. “Rather than carry a _paper-covered lench, or, what is more disagreeable, a Junch box, they ran over to the dairy lunches and got a bite, which cost them all the way from ten to thirty cents, the great majority, of course, taking but a ten-cent are! fany of these lunchers now have Wheels, and they can get out to even the outside sections of the city inside of seven minutes and back again to the depart- ments in less. This gives them fourteen to fifteen minutes for a sit-down lunch at their homes, and the dairy lunches are for the present out of it. Our name is Den- nis, as it were. To catch the full meaning of what I am saying, just notice the army of wheelers depart from the departments as the noon hour strikes.” KKK KK “The man who wrote that poem ‘Johnny, Get Your Gun,’ intended to emphasize on the word ‘your,’ although many admirers of the verses don’t read it that way,” ex- plained Mr. Richard Jones, who bears the reputation of being one of the best hunters of the District, if not exactly the champion ack shot. “I would no sooner,” he con- inued, “think of leaning my gun than I would of loaning my wife. A man should never loan his gun, and no man who has B grain of sense would have nerve enough to ask to borrow it. For the class of peo- ple who insist on borrowing your gun, do as I do, keep a gun just for that purpose. “It is a foul choke-muzzle affair, and kicks like a pair of unbroken steers. The gun borrower asks for it but once. He trakes no explanation, but he simply never asks for it a second time. The same with a fishing outfit. My guns and fishing outfits are more sensitive to rough or inexperi- enced handling than is the most delicately stringed piano, and should they by any mishap get into other hands It would take me weeks to get them in proper tune again. Whenever you hear a man talking about being a hunter and then learn of him try- in@ to or borrowing a gun, or the use of dogs, just put him down in your mind book as a fraud, and it is one hundred to one that you have properly placed him.” * eK KK “One of the sad features of the storm,” said one of the White House gardeners, as be was engaged in trimming up the trees “was the destruction of the Lincoln tree, which stood nearest the steps lead- ing from the War, State and Navy departments to the Executive Mansion. It was the end tree of a row nearly all of which have been planted by Presidents. The Lincoln tree was planted & few months after President Lincoln en- tered the White House, and it soon was larger than other trees many years older. t was its size that brought about its destruction now, for it was the only one in the Presidents’ row which was blown down though there was sad havoc with the other trees. There were a number cf persons who asked for limbs of the tree, and as far as we could we obliged them. Théugh [male does not make a good cane, a num- er of those who secured limbs said they Intended having canes made for presenta- tion to those who would cherish a souvenir =e = —_ from the tree planted by Lincoln himself. “I have been in the gardens off and. on since Lincoln’s days, and I am sure there was more damage done by the storm to the trees there that one night than in all of the thirty-one vears combined. We will keep the stump of the tree, and may be in time, for it is strangly rooted, it will branch out again. In the meantime we will grow Japanese ivy on the trunk.” xe * KK “When in New Jersey’recently;” said ‘the pastor of one of the Washington churches, “I was shown what is supposed to be the oldest full pack of playing cards in ex- istence. They were printed in 1642 end have fifty-two cardg in the pack, the same as the ordinary playing carts. The gen- tleman who has them prides himself on his collection of Bibles and playing cards. He has a dozen or more very rare Bibles, one of which is valued at several thousand dollars. The playing cards referred to were never used, and, though over one hundred and fifty years old, they are practically new. 1 did not know it until he told me, but there were playing cards in use over one fun- dred and fifty years before that pack was printed. He has packs of cards which were in use four hundred years ago; that is, pictured cards, for originally the packs did not contain over forty cards. “The / Queers and kings have the same general look as the cards of the or- dinary steamboats of the present day. Though the Bibles pleased me most, I was much interested in the cards.” xe KKK The sterm brought several steeple climb- ers, or, a3 they are called, steeple jacks, to the city. They had read that much damage was done to the churches and were anxious to get thé job to repair them. “I was up in Canada,” seid one, of the steeple jacks, “‘when I read of the storm here, and thought I would run down to see what could be picked up. I leave tomor- row for Savannah, where I have some work engaged. Oh, yes; it is storm work, for it is rarely we ever do anything ex- cept patching up after storms. I. was engaged on three separate jobs in this city, but I got tired waiting for the church authorities to make up their minds as to what they intended to do. There are four steeples in this city which are dangerous,” and from the tcp of two churches there is a lot of ornament- al ironwork hanging, which may make a record before it falls or very soon there- after. It appears that the churches haven't got the money to have the re- pairs done.” xe OK OK “There are over a dozen bands of gipsies now making their way toward this city, on their road to the south for the winter,” said Allyn Anderson, who is somewhat prominent in gipsy circles and who usually passes through this city several weeks in advance of the strolling bands. Andersen, with his family, spent geveral days this week in camp on the Glenwood cemetery road. “It is this way,” he explained. “All our maps show that the only way to get south is to cross the Potomac at this c‘ty, and there is nothing left for our veople but to come this way. There are other ways, but they are not shown on our maps, though none are as direct. Gipsies have less trouble of late years than formerly. “People have found out that we are not as black as we have been painted and that a gipsy is very rarely to be found in any of the numerous fails or prisons. Did we commit crime, did we steal children or swindle in_horse trading the jails would get us. These are the things usually charged against us. 'wenty years ago, during the excitement following the steal- ing of little Charlie Ross near Philadel- phia, there was a very violent feeling against us, so much so that it was danger- ous for us to travel. Asa class we did all we could to unravel the Ross mystery, knowing it would be better for_us if the thing was cleared up, but our efforts were fruitless. We directed our work to trying to find some of the Ross family servants, but soon discovered that there was even more mystery about them than the miss- ing Charlie Ross. Of late years Florida is the winter home of many of cur bands, and especially of those which have a num- ber of children. Will we ever stop stroll- ing? I don’t suppose so. We were born strolling and so were our parents and their parents and their parents’ parents. So, you see, there is not much chance of a rest.” ** * * * The bicycle has increased the business in the criminal courts. of the city. District Attorney Birney says that there gre 130 Jail cases awaiting trial whea the courts assemble. When the courts adjourned the dockets were nearer being cleared than at any time in many years, but there were duriz g the summer many thefts of bicycles, It is expected that the dleyele cases will be pushed through with considerable rap- idity, but there are many other cases perding which will require considerable time. The bicycle thief has been active in every part of the country, but Washington has furniched a harvest for. him. People leave their bicycles for so long a time arcund public buildings, a half day at a time very often, that the temptation to make off with them overcomes the scruples or fears of the thief who prefers wheeling to walking. In many cases the thieves have endeavored to sell the bicycles very soon after taking possession of them. * * “Since the departments here adopted the rule of requiring all clerks to be at their desks promptly at 9 o'clock, or give a rea- son for their tardiness,” remarked an offi- cial who has given many years to the.serv- ice of the government, “the department clcck is 2 thing of considerable importance. No time goes, except that of the clocks at the main entrances of the departments, and no excuse {s taken, except in case of very inclement weather, and then the de- ficiency is looked over rather chan ex- cused. The result is that it has grown to be a custom of the great majority of clerks to compare their watches with the official time, as they leave the offices each day, so as to be sure to have the correct time for the following morning. It is amusing at times to see groups af clerks comparing their watches, and setting them forward or back so as to insure the offictal time. ‘The lacies seem to have the greatest trou- ble to get their watches to keep regular time, but they manage to do so. It is rare that a clerk ever leaves a department building now without looking at his watch to see that he is on time.” — His Failing. From the Omaha World-Herald. “Mr. Clubly,” said Mrs. C., “will you hold the lamp a few moments?” “Yes, dear, but bear in mind that I’m no ‘Liberty Enlightening, the World.’ ”. No, Clubly, dear,” sald Mrs. C., sweetly, “you would never do for that because you go out every night.” “Play me something soft and soothin. a) il ‘ ‘g—something that will bring peace and franquility to my ploughed-up bosom.”—Life. | covered with whittlings. from Washington, and especially a cane | ‘HIS EXTRAVAGANT HABIT. The Trials of a Devoted Wife With a _Thoughtless Hushand. The white-haired veteran hed a very ghame-faced look when hig wife came up to where he was sitting in front of the general store. The floor around him was He folded up a big jack-knife and turned his head to avoid the reproving glances of his helpmate. “I was too late, wan’t I!” she exclaimed in a tone of discouragement. Taking a pine shingle frem under her shawl she threw it down and said: “I’ve driv cattle an’ I've ploughed land, but in’ track of @ man is wuss’n anything I ever irled oa rely didn’t think,” he said apologeti- cal ys “I knowed ye wouldn’t think. When a man gits inter the way o’ whittlin’, he jes’ quits doi’ ev’ything else, seems ter me. Soon's he once tastes the Joys o’ whittlin’ he’s satisfied ter go ahead. I put that shingle out on the porch an’ tol’ yer ex- ackly where ‘twas. An’ yet ye come off wethout it.” a “It does seem kinder ongrateful in me, he answered. ““Tain’t the ongratitude as moves me. Ye don’t think I hurried down here weth that shingle owin’ ter a fear thet ye'd git ongrateful, do ye? I knowed what was gointer happen. I knowed thet ef ye didn’t hev Zothin’ else handy, ye'd do whut ye did before, regardless of expense. That's the third wooden leg ye’ve whittled up in the last three months! I don’t altogether blame ye fur whittlin’, fur, ez I've said be- fore, when the habit once takes hold it's wuss than fever an’ ager fur stickin’ to a man. But I must say thet when he’s got a wife thet’s willin’ ter run ’roun’ after ‘im an’ keep ‘im supplied weth material ez don’t cost nothin’, fur him ter cut up three wooden legs, every one of ’em store-bought, in three inths, is down-right shif'less.”” —_—— A DECLARATION OF PRINCIPLE. A Political Argument That Led to Unexpected Conversion. “Hiram,” remarked Mrs. Corntossel, “I’ve changed my politics.” “I didn’t know ye had any ’pinions "bout silver, one way er another!” 5 “I hevn’t got along ez fur ez that. I ain’t no fre2 silverer, nor I ain't no gold standarder. But there's one thing I am from this on, an’ that’s a woman's suf- frager.”” “That aln’t the way you use ter talk, *"Mandy.” “I know it. But I’ve changed my way 0’ thinkin’ a hull lot in the last week. I don’t say ez I kin see through all these proh- lems, but I ain’t ergoin’ ter shirk tryin’ hereafter.” “What's converted ye?” “That talk you an’ Lem Harking had last night convinced me.” “Why, we wan’t neither of us talkin’ *bout anythin’ excep’ the financial question. I don’t see how ye kin side weth Lem Har- kins.” “I don’t side weth Lem Harkins. An’ 1 don’t side weth you, neither. All I say is that wher I find two men settin’ up tell after midnight, each talkin’ on different sides o’ the question, an’ neither of ’em get- tin’ convinced, I can’t bring myself ter b'lieve thet either one of ’em is smart enough ter teach me how this here country orter be run. I've jes’ gotter go in an’ find it out fur myself.” A SIGNIFICANT CIRCUMSTANCE. An Old-Fashioned Phrase That Didu't Quite Carry Out the Intention. The stump speaker was doing all that he could to find out by personal interview how his candidate stood with the people in that part of the country. A sense of hos- pitality seemed to make some of them timid about expressing their exact vie One man who was reported to have a great @eal of influence was particularly unwill- ing to say anything about politics, al- though he attended all the meetings and listened intently. “You have known the man in whose in- tergsts I am speaking for years, haven't you? said the campaigner. “I've knowed 'im by repitation,” was the reply. “We never took turns visitin’, nor traded hosses.” “At the same time you have been in a position to form an opinion of his charac- ter.” "Cours when ye put a man up fur office, everybody gits a chance ter hey a Furty good look at nim.” “Fol have watched him while he was in o “Ye; close ez I could.” “And I'll venture to say you uever knew him to be guilty of a single underhanded ane “We couldn't go inter court an’ prove nothin’.” “But there is no room for suspicion.” “Mebbe not. But it seems ter me thct a man'll start out ez keerful an’ upright ez kin be, an’ the fus’ thing ye know, he's kinder compermisin’ weti his conscicnce. “But this man is as honest as the da: “I won't dispute that. But I can't resist callin’ yer ‘tention ter the way the days jes’ now keeps a-gituin’ shorter an’ shorter.” —.>—__. NOT INCLUDED. He Wanted No Inferences Drawn From His Courtesy. The horest farmer had attended the po- Utical meeting in order, if possible, to get some light on the disputed question of what honest money is. The arguments of the candidate had failed to convince him, and when, after the speech was over, an in- formal reception was arranged, he turned to go away without availing himself of the chance to personally meet the principal man of the occasion. “Aren't ypu going to shake hands with him?” asked one of the managers of the meeting. “Nope,” was the reply. move on home.”” “But you ought not to miss this oppor- tunity to get acquainted with a man of so much prominence.” “I guess he won't lay awake nights -grievin’ over it ef I go right along about my business.” “On the contrary, he told me that it was his sincere wish to meet every man here and grasp him by the hand.” “Wal, I don’t agree with what he. says. But I ain’t got nothin’ agin him person- ally, an’ I wouldn't have him go away feelin’ hurt fur the world. He don’t talk much different from lots o’ fellers thet's come around promisin’ ter do wonders fur us farmers ef we'd only vote fur him. But I don't cherish no spite. I'll go meet him, but _there’s got ter be a perviso. I'll ex- tend my hand to him an’ I'll let ‘im grasp it, But he might ez well understan’ fust ez last thet my leg don’t go along with it.” “I guess I'll a A POLITICIAN TESTED. A Congressman Who Could Not Play Checkers to Suft Constituents. “One of the ablest men tn Congress will lose a number of votes in his district in Georgia,” said a department clerk to a Star ‘| repofter. “A friend of mine wrote me some time ago that the judge was safe so far as his re-election was concerned, but my friend visited one of the back counties a few days ago and found that a decided change in sentiment had come about. He asked one of the political leaders: “What is the matt ‘He ain’t no good. a ihe Seanehs ““Why, what did he ever vote for that you are not in favor of?’ “Did he ‘vot wai ¢ e vote a: wanted passed? eS ae as I knows ae as “The newspapers : ‘Newspapers ts allus yint’ “OF him “*What is tne matter?” “ “Waal, he comed out here, an’ Tom Wil- kins beat ’im playin’ checkers. Tom kain't play a little bit, an’ what kin’ o’ a figger kin a man cut in Congress who kain’t p! checkers better’n thet?’ —e—__. Mysteries of Providence. From the Cincinnati Enquirer, “I see,” said the lady who wishes to wear bloomers, “that another woman has been burned to death by her skirts catching on fire. You never hear of woman's bloomers catching on fire and burning her to deatn.” “Which simpiy goes to show,” said the husband of the lady who wishes to wear bloomers, “Show mysterious are the ways of Providence.” - It was a-truly gpral party that waited in harrowing spiepense for the train whjoh was, to leave in two or three hours. Every time @ bell soungeg they made a rush for the gate to make sure that the conductor and engineer had not carried out @ conspiracy to ,Bet away without them. They had been to @ faix, and jn ffeir periods of comparative repose passed the time recounting thelr ex- perlences and Observations. “I can’t Re'p bein’ anxious,” the old gen- tleman said ajfdlogetically to a gate tender. “Ye see, there ain't nobody to home, an’ somebody yp iif our country is developin’ a ter’ble appetite fur Leghorn chickens—which is my specialty. I don’t like the idee of stayin’ here over night, dodgin’ bunco steer- ers when wd orter be chasin’ chickin thieves.” “Haven’t you got a hired man on the place?” 4 “We brought ‘Im along. He was willin’ ter pay his own way, an’ ez he'd of quit ef I hed told ‘im he'd gotter-stay, I thort it ’ud save trouble in the end.” ““Yessiree,” chimed in the hired mgn, who came up just at that point in the conyersa- tion. “I had ter move weth the percession. An’ I wouldg’t of missed seein’ what I did fur nothin’. I guess I got through weth more sights than anybody else in the hull outfit.” a “I reckon ye didn’t come across any more that was new an’ startlin’ than some o’ the rest of us,” replied the old gentle- man, in a blase tone of toleration. “I know of one thing thet ye didn’t see, fur mother says she. had her eye on ye ull the time. Hev ye got any money?” “Two dollars an’ sixty cents,” was the self-satisfied response. “Then ye didn’t see whut I’m talkin’ about. You run over to thet store an’ buy three cents’ wuth o’ English walnuts an’ I'll show it to you. I'll be over whur mother an’ Zeb is, ‘cause it'll interest them, too.” When the hired man came back from his errand the old gentleman was saying tc his wife: “I was out fur experience, an’ ye can't git experience wethout its costin’ a leetle somethin’, I learnt a new game, an’ I. want Zeb an’ the hired man ter know | about it, so’s ter put ‘em on their guard again’ the wickedness o’ this here world. All ye need is some walnut shells an’ a | paper wad.” ‘The members of his household followed | him to the window ledge, and, after a few preliminary passes to loosen up his mus- cles for feats of legerdemain, he paused to remark: jow, ye'll _understan’, of course, this here ain't’ no lesson in gambii Jess wanter show ye how it’s don¢ you go ter town ye'll know jes’ e; about it ez them sharpers does, an’ be on yer guard. It's u game whur the man ez does the guessin’ ain't got no show whut- somever.” He manipulated the shells and the paper wad in imitation of the man he had seen at fair, and, stepping back, said: Course, I don’t want ye ter bet nothin’, ‘cause that ‘ud be jes’ like robbin’ yer. But it won't do no harm fur ye ter make a guess, so’s ter show ye how the dag-on-ed swindle operates.” “I'll bet ye my new knife agin that buck- thet I Z much A CHILDREN’S GAME. Played by Both Men and Boys Among the Zuni People. A really new game—one that can he Played with genuine interest Uke the old gemes—is a thing equally rare and de- sirable. Such a game is tasholl; that is, it is new to all young folks living in civilised coyntries, though it has been played by the Turin people from time immemorial. Like Most of the best games, it was aever in- vented by any one person, but has gradual- ly developed, donbtless from the rudést be- ginnings, into its present form. Like most of the best games, also, it requires only the simplest and most easily procured outfit. Tasholi is played both by children and acults among the Indians of New Mex.co. The game was first brought to iy notice when I visited the Organ mountains on a sketching expedition several years go, and as it was something altogether new to me, 1 investigated the matter and found cut how it was dune. The older Indians, P was told, frequently become so absorbed in it that they play for twenty-four hours and more without ceasing. ‘The »quipment tor playing tasholl consists of three sticks, forty pebbles, and some sort of a counter for each person playing. The sticks should be of exactly the same size, each five inches long, two inches wide, and three quarters of an inch thick; they must be a0 stained or colored as to be dark on one side and light on the other. The forty pebbles are arranged in a circle of about two and a half feet in diameter, placed at umform distances, except that the starting point is marked by wider space. i The counters may be flowers, or any con- venient objects that can be easily disti guished. ‘The players kneel or crouch around outside of the circle, the three sticks are grasped and held together near the base, grasped between the thumb and fingers in such a manner as to be perpen- dicular. They are then thrown down so as to drop simultaneously on their lower ends as near the center of the circle as possible. They will rebound a little and probably fall in different directions. If two turn up dark and one light it counts two; two light and one dark, three; three dark, five; three light, ten Either a five-throw or a ten- } throw entitles the player to another trial. If any of the blocks fall outside the cir- cle the throw counts nothing, and the next player takes his turn. If four persons are Playing, two begin at A and play around to B, and two begin at B and play around to A. If two are playing, they also play in opposite directions. Each spaze from one pebble to another counts as one, and each counter is laid at the space won by the player owning it, and advanced as the game proceeds. If the mark of one player just meets, without passing one of the others, or overtakes it, the latter is set |back to the starting point. If this, how- ever, is found to make the game too lung— for civilized boys and girls perhaps lack the patience of the Zuni children—it may be modified by setting the player back only ten or fifteen points. Among the Indians twice around constitutes a game, but it may be found desirable to limit a game to one round. It only remains to say it is a game well worth playing—one in which the interest never flags from beginning to end, but, on the contrary, continually increases to the finish, for a player may seem to be on the very point of winning and then be set back, while another, by two or three skilful throws, for throwing the sticks requires skill, may unexpectedly make his way horn-handled one o’ yourn thet I kin pick out the shell ez hez the paper wad under it,” rematked“the hired man. “I wouldn't let ye do it. Don't Ye onder- stan’ thet this is a skin game I'm a-showin’ 7 y ‘I don’t keer nothin’ "bout that. I’ve got that ther paper Wad located an’ you da’sn’t bet thet I‘ain’t.” - “T da’sn'ti\da’sn’t I? I don’t like ter take no advantage gf you, but ye’re a man growed, an’ responsible fur yer own acks. Put up yer Knife.” The stakes were laid on the window ledge and the hired man promptly selected the right shell. « “By hokey?” exclaimed the old gentleman; uegsed it. It must ‘a’ been by a miracle ; He tried it again, and this time not only the hired man jbut Zeb and the old lady risked all their available small change. Again the amateur thimble-rigger juggled the shells, and with the same result. “Better own up an’ quit, father,” sug- gested Zeb. “I won't do nathin’ of the kind,” was the reply. an in the caurse of time he issued prom- issory notes for a saddle blankct, a pair of beots,. six pearl collar buttons, a calico dress, a pair of bearskin gloves, seven plugs of tobacco and $4.50. But he was not dis- couraged. He was preparing for another shuftte of the wainut shells, when his wife exclaimed: “Elihu, ain't it purty near train time?” There was @ simultaneous rush for the gate. Their train had been gone nearly fifteen minutes. “Wal,” said the old gentleman, “it’s dis- app'intin’ ter hey ter set here tell the nex’ one goes, byt we've hed the benefit of the exposy, anyhow. Ye kin allus dror a moral from most anything that happens, It all goes ter show thet there ain’t any way of bein’ re'ly safe in games o’ chance, no matter which side ye’re on.” “Yes,” said Zeb, ‘it all come ter pass ‘long of hevin’ ter Kill time in ‘this here place.” = “Whur's the hired man?” “He tol’ me, thet ez It would be a good while tell the ‘train went, he reckoned he'd take some of, his winnin’s an’ paint the town ‘a little bit.” The old lady passed around some red apples and remarked: “To my way o’ thinkin’, there's another eternal truth thet this afternoon hez de- monstrated,” “Whut is it, Mirandy?’ “A fool an’ his money are soon parted.” And her husband never took the trouble to inquire whether she meant him or the hired man. —— A Merciless Test. “What a dreadful cold you have!” clatmed Gne Capitol Hill girl. “Tt Is rather severe,” replied the other. “But I don’t mind it. I caught it in a good cause.” “Did you have to go out in the rain after a doctor?” “No. It was a selfish experiment; but it is assisting me in @ manner so important that I don’t mind it." “What is it helping you to do?” “Decide a question on which my future happiness depends.” “Goodness me!” “Yes,. Father said that as soon as the weather got cool enough to have the fur- race going Herbert would begin coming to the house three or four times a week in- stead of only once. He sald that he didn’t think there was any heat in Herbert's hall bed room and‘ that ‘he came here because it is a nice warm place to sit. So last night when he calted'I had the heat turned off from the parlor. I got very chilly, but I stood it better than Herbert did, for I knew what to expect and dressed accord- ingly. I'told him that we didn’t expect to have that rpom Heated all winter, because We used it'tp litle. It was a dreadful or- deal, but hal ‘not regret ft, for it will silence my! doubts forever. “If Herbert comes backhow ‘f will know that he réally and truly Idyes me.” pao eee _ Spoxting Term, From Life. from far in the rear to the front. Se WANTS THEM TESTED. An Old Lady’s Shrewd Scheme for Distinguishing Mushrooms. An old lady applied at an employment office for a maid. “I want a little girl between ten years and fourteen years of age, who is tend of mushrooms.” “Fond of mushrooms?” inquired the em- ployment agent. “That is something I never inquired about of applicants. I don’t understand.” “Well, I always require it,” replied the old lady. “I am very fond of mushrooms myself, and there are so many mistakes made. The idea came to me several years ago, and it was a dispensation of Provi- dence that it did, or I would have been killed. I have my maid eat a portion of all mushrooms brought to the house, be- fore any are served to me. I have lost two excellent maids from toadstools during the past five years, and, of course, I could not think of taking the chances of eating mushrooms unless I have a maid to test them.” a CURED THE MULE. A Remedy for Balking That Worked Like a Charm the First Application. “I was riding alorg a mountain road in eastern Kentucky a few weeks ago,” re- marked a traveling salesman to a Star reporter, “when I saw a mule running toward me with a single tree dangling at his heels. With great difficulty I succeeded in turning out of his way and -he con- tinued to go down the mountain at a live- ly pace. “About a mile further on I saw two front wheels of a spring wagon, and a short distance away the other wheels and the wagon box. I looked around to see if the driver had been hurt, but finding no one drove on. “In a few minutes I met a man walking down the road rather hastily. ‘Stranger,’ he queried, ‘did yo’ see a mewl down thar?’ *Yos.’ ‘Did he hev a rag over ‘is year?” ‘I didn’t see any.’ “Waal, it’s all right, I reckon ’e’ll stop when ’e gits flustered out, an’ I reckon 'e’s cured.” “What is he cured of? I asked. “ ‘Baikin’. Yo’ see I heerd thet a grass- hopper put in th’ year o’ a hoes or mewl ‘ed cure *im f:om balkin’, so I tied a rag over th’ critter’s year so it couldn’ git out, cotched a grasshopper, put ‘im in, an’, stranger, it’s th’ bes’ remedy I ever seed. Th’ mewl didn’ giv me time to git in th’ wagon. I never did see a mewl so spright- ly. I reckon th’ hopper’s got: out now, an’ T’'ll go on an cotch th’ mewl.’” ————__ Straining at a Gnat. “Nicotine,” said the moralist, “is a ter- rible drug. “I sometimes think that it doesn’t hurt @ person who indulges in moceration,” re- sponded The Star reporter, who was smok- ing a cigar. “That's the danger of it. It is the more pernicious because of its many insidious phases. If I had my way I'd abolish every deaf of tobacco from the markets. It’s a constant temptation to waste, and I am thankful that I never squandered my re- sources in any such way.” “Yeu never smoked?" “Never.” “Nor chewed?” “Certainly not.” “Nor used snuff?” “The idea is preposterous!” “I suppose you must have saved a great deal of money, then. These smail expenses count up very rapidly. But of course a man must invest his money to get as com- fertable an income as you appear to enjoy. A friend of mine was telling me about how you laid the foundation for your fortune, It was a small speculation, was it not?” “Um—yes. It was.” “Would you mind telling me just how you managed it?” “Why, you see, a friend of mine who knows all about the market gave me a tip and I bought some stock in the tobacco trust.” —_———>—_ He Wanted Real Cigars, Frem the Somerville Journal. Cigar manufacturer—“Hang the luck! 1 forgot to bring a box of cigars with me, and I can’t get anything here that is fit to smoke.” Acquaintance—“Why, there are four or five varieties of the cigars from your own factory in the case down stati Cigar manufacturer (dryly)—“Yes, I saw "em." ———_+e+_____ Not a Director. From World's Comic. Gentleman—“My lad, can You direct me to the Bank of England?” ‘ Shoeblack (with withering scorn)—“Ga. on; do yer fink I should be doing this if I was a bank director?” ag eee Defective Vision. From the Brooklyn Life. Maud—‘“He’s dead in love with Miss Passe. It's a case of love at first sight.” Mahel—“‘He must be near-sightd.” -THE EVENING STAR, SATURDAY, OCTOBER 17, 189¢~TWENTY-FOUR PAGES, : JA M@§FIT MORAL A PLAIN Q) ESTION. He Disliked to Seem Ungallant, but He Wanted Justice. A lawyer of this city was waiting idly in his office for the election to pass so that People might resume thelr personal wran- gles once more. He was so glad to sce the youhg man who entered the room in a hesi- tating way that he showed it in his manner. “This isn’t much of a case,” the young man said. “I don’t know whether I ought to ask you to busy yourself with anything so small.” “Sometimes a very lengthy and compli- cated piece of litigation wiil arise from a very trivial circumstance,” the lawyer said, hopefully. . “I don’t quite see how this affair could come into court; but you will have to be the judge of any such question as that. Last summer I made the acquaintance of a very charming girl. I was away on a vacation and had nothing to do but row her around in a boat all day and teach her how to pick out the constellations at night. I told her I thought she was the loveliest being on earth, and she said she didn’t care how small my galary was and—oh, well, it’s the old story, and there’s no use in going over all the details of a romance that flickered out. She doesn’t speak to me when she meets me on the street now, and when I go to the house to call, there is never anybody at home.” “It is very sad,” the lawyer said; don’t quite see what about it.” “All that I desire from you for.the pres- ent is information. I have heard of breach ‘Of promise cases where the law is rigorous and unswerving iff maintaining feminine rights.” “The law tries to be thorough in that re- “but I you want me to do ““Well, it seems there ought to be two sides to every question. I’m not protesting against anything that tends to discourage a gay Lothario. The law is all right on that point. And I don’t mean to imply that a girl hasn’t a right to change her mind if she feels so disposed. But what I wanted to know is this: Can a man be considered legally ard morally jilted unless the girl has returned the $75 ee ring he gave her when they plighted their troth?’ ——Saae A WIFE WHO WAS WISE. True Story of a C: Woman Who Could See Into the Future. There is a woman Mving on Capitol Hill in this town whe if she weren't already a wife deserves to be that to the greatest financier on earth, the greatest politician and the besi all-round fellow. She is a plump, brown-eyed, sunshiny sort of a woman, who can turn one of her dresses thirty-seven times and then use it to make fcur brard-new dresses for her two little girls. How she does it nobody knows, put she does it, for her husband says she does. and he ought to know. Several mornings ago she was negouating with her husband. “Wile, bo; she said in her most per- suasive tones, “I want fifty dollars.” “Angels and ministers of grace defend us, my onliest only,” he exclaimed, pale with fear, “is that all?’ “Have you got any more?” she smiled playfully. “No, my love, that is all.” “Then fifty will be sufficient for the pres- ent, my dear,” she said, for she knew that Willie meant well enough and was all right except that he was for Bryan, which was the only blot on his escutcheon. “Um—er,” he hesitated, “‘where is that fifteen cents I let you have last spring?” “Gone, WiHie;” and there was a tear in her tonc and a quiver in ker lip; “gone to buy food for the children, a bicycle for you, a new span of horses and a victoria for me, a cottage by the sea for mamma and _a few other necessities,” “Um-—er,” he continued to hesitate and to hedge; “now lisien to me, you insatiate and extravagant creature, listen to me— would you rather have fifty now or sixty when Bryan is elected?” She extended her hand with superb con- fidence. “Give me the fifty now, Wiilie,” she said softly; “if he’s ever elected I'll only get about thirty-one and a half,” and as Willie wandered away from home en route to his office he whistled: “Just Tell Them That She Saw Me.” VIEWS OF MRS. JILSON. Why She Will Be Glad if Bryan is Elected President. “I think it will be much more interesting to have Bryan elected than to have Mc- Kinley,” said Mrs. Jilson. “I hope he will get it,” she added, as Jilson still remained buried in his paper and‘said nothing. “Why won't you.talk to me about these things?” demanded Mrs. Jilson. “I love to talk politics, and yet you never say any- thing to me about the elections. I think it’s downright mean, too, because you talk with every man that comes in about how McKinley will be elected, and Bryan will carry New York, and Hobart New Jersey and Watson the solid south, and dear knows how much about the situation in Illinois and Indjana. Still, when I want to talk you say nothing,” and Mrs. Jilson emphasized her remarks with a Mary Eliz- abeth Teagle swing of her head, which was a warning to Jilson. “Well, my dear,” he began, with a show of impatience, “I must be polite to peopte when they- say anything to me; I must answer them.” “You might be polite to your wife,” said Mrs. Jilson, snappishly. “You might answer her. I am sure I know as much about politics as the people who talk to ¥ ‘Much more,” said Jilson, sententiously, ‘and you don’t see all of them, either.” “They always say,” continved Mrs. Jil- son, “that you, being a newspaper man, know more about ‘he situation than other le.” “That's to give them a basis to bore me,” interrupted Jilson. “I'll be glad when election day settles it and there will be something else to talk about.” “I hope it will be Bryan, though,” con- finued Mrs. Jilson, with determination, ‘even if you are for McKinley.” “Why?” asked Jilson, with a feeble show of interest. “Because, if Bryan is President there will be two Vice Presidents, Mr. Sewall and Mr. Watson, and tha‘ something we never had before,” said Mrs. Jilson with undis- guised pride in her knowledge. “I have talked about it with Mrs. Peters, and she says there never were two Vice Presidents at the same time, that she could remember, and she was here before the war. She said it would be an ‘innovation,’ though I don’t see why {t should be an ‘innovation’ instead of an ‘ina: guration’ just because there were two Vice Presidents. But it would be nice to go to an ‘innovation’ ball, just the same. I wonder what I'll wear. Den’'t you think——” But Jilsen had fled. —.——— In Doubt. From Life. He—“Shall I pull down that curtain in front of you?” (That depends on where you are going to sit.” A DREADFUL FATHER. What Happened in an Interview, With His Daughter's Saitor. ‘The young man had called on the father of the loved one to ask his consent. “I came to see y6u on a matter of busi- ness,” said the young man. “What business?” inquired the father. “I love your daughter, sir,” banged away the young man, though he wasn’t half ready. “Ah?” smiled the father. “Yes, sir,” said the young man. “Indeed?” continued the father. repeated the young man. “Is that so, really?” went on the father. “Yes, sir,”’ still insisted the young man. The father remained silent so long that the young chap thcught he would explode if the old one didn’t say something pretty socn. “Um—er,” began the old gent, “did I un- oa you to say you love my daugh- 1 yourg man wondered how long this of thing would continue. kind ““Um—er,” hesitated the old gentieman, ba oye my daughter?” “Yes—" ‘began the young msn, and stop- ped. “I beg your pardon, sir, but I have told vou that before.” “Told me what?” said the father, as Sweetly as an angel might talk. “Told you that I love your exclaimed the ly. Yes, sir.” “Indeed?” The yourg man saw what was coming, anc got hot in the gills. “No, siz,” he said, sharply. The old gentleman looked at him in pain- ed surprise. “I thought you said you did,” he said. “Did what?” asked the young man, not exactly knowing what he was saying. ‘Loved my deughter.” ” quickly put in the youth, * smiled the father, ‘es, sir.” “Indeed?” followed the father, as before. It was too much for the poor young man. “I beg your pardon, sir,” he said, “but I think you are cruel, sir,” and he backed out and left, while the old gentleman set- tled back in his easy chair and snorted a lcud and emotional enort of triumph, short- lived though it may be. ENTMENT. Politics Was No Pretext for Assafling His Theological Views. The manner in which one of the men rawed the air and hammered the palm of his hand made it easy to guess the topic of cenversation. Nothing save the financial question would so move a man. The other was no less in earnest, but his style of de- bate was different. His was the intensity of repressed emotion. The horses hitched to their respective farm wagons looked around now and then with a homesick ap- peal in their eyes, but the ambition for the last word made the disputants forget thal there were chores to do and supper to eat. As often happens when a discussion is too far prolonged, their arguments were occa- sionally more ingenious than relevant. “It stan’s ter reason,” said the more ex- citable man, “that gold is the thing we Seren “It seoms ter me,” was the answer, “ter stan’ jes’ ez much ter reason thet silver is the thing we want.” “That ain't accordin’ ter common sense.” “Wal, I've got inter that notion, anyhow. I don’t want no gold money.” “An’ thet jes’ shows ye ain't a proper person ter have a voice in the affairs o' this goverment. Ye're not only goin’ agin’ the teachin’s of history an’ the opinions of some o’ the greatest financiers this er any other country hez perduced, but ye’re show in’ downright disrespeck to the Scriptures. ain’t nothin’ o’ the kind. 8, y'are, an’ I kin prove ft. Read the descriptions of the future state of happil- ness. Ain't it said thet the very streets ‘ill be paved weth gold?” “Looky here, Thad Tuttle; don’t ye git me riled. I’ll stand patient while ye’s call me an ignoramus an’ a repudiationist an’ an anarcaist. Mebbe I'm wrong in my politics, €z most any man is U’ble ter be. But don’t ye accuse me ©’ backslidin’. I won't toler- te that, ‘cause I don’t deserve it. All I said about gold was as a money metal; I ain’t got a thing agin it as pavin’ material.” tines FEARED THE WORST. The Wife Was Getting Better, Prospects Were Gloomy. “How is your wife this morning?” asked a well-known Washington attorney of a brother lawyer, whose wife was ailing. “The prospects gre very gloomy, the reply. “Is she so much worse?” “She was sitting up when I left, but the doctor gives me no hope. She won't die from her present ailment, but I am afraid it will break up our home.” is her mind affected it does not seem to be.” ‘Then, what is the trouble?” “I don’t know, but the doctor said she would be a new woman within a week, so I am prepared for the worst.” — ae He Was Fast. From the Texas Sifter. Attorney (examining witness)—“You say you saw the shots fired?” Witness—“Yes, sir.” “How near were you to the scene of the affray?” “When the first shot was fired I was about ten feet from the shooter.” “Ten feet! Well, now, tell the court where you were when the second shot was fired.” didn’t measure the distance.” “Speaking approximately, how far should you say?” ‘Well, it approximated to half a mile.” . Stood Him Of. From the Omaha World-Herald. Dudely—“I'm afraid, Cholley, me boy,that Miss Mittique does not lock with favor upon me suit.” Cholley—“What makes you think so, deah boy?” Dudely—“Every time I get to the point of awsking her to be me wife she begins to knit.” ———— —— > eos Difference in Degree. From the New York Times, Tommy—“Uncle John, what's the differ- ence between a honeycomb and a honey- moon?” Uncle John (a crabbed old bachelor)— “Considerable. Honeycoms that I've seen are made up of little c. vome honey- moons I've heard of were big sells.” ‘es.’ “Well, it’s too large.”—Life, —s Fn you remember that sult of yours you gave me, uncle?”