Evening Star Newspaper, November 9, 1895, Page 15

THE EVENING STAR, SATURDAY, NOVEMBER 9, 1895—TWENTY-FOUR PAGES. 15 Eugene Ficld. By Burt Black. Sot 'Gene Field? Ain't yon miswed the name? Say; sure you're not mistaken? "Mougst all the men who ought to go, How could our "Gene be taken? He's really gone, eh? Hang thy Where's now the song or st ‘To lift our hearts and make u Ar "Gene has gone to glory » luck; laugh, Why, when he'd touch the heaviest thing ‘The weight of it would li He'd even write ‘bout troubles 50 ‘Me blackest one would lighten. Clear fun? There wasn't a single thing, When his pea got stuck in it, That wouldn't hump itself to raise A laugh witht a nunute. s ‘There When " lke through the gateway; An’ he, he knows poets that he's chaff An’ filled their shoes, ¥ Will grab his hard an” thank their stars For their share in his schoolin’. And y & Ko Whiten he Tit Kr left just where we were. there ain't no other. each man of heart ir ou ound that he’d lost a brother. (Copyright, 1895, by Bac r, Johnson & Bacheller.) “CHAPTER I. Lucius had been farming it for going on twenty-five years. By conspicuous service in the war he had risen from the ranks to the office of first Heutenant, and there never was a doubt in his mind that if the war had heid out long enough he would have been a colonel. As it wes, he was called captain by all his neighbors, some of whom had also done patriot service dur- ing the stormy times of the rebellion. When peace was declared Lucius was honorably discharged from the army, and he went back home to engage in farming once more. But he was not long in finding out that the home place had grown smaller while he was absent; very soon he began to feel cramped and restricted, and he de- veloped presently a violent case of the western fever. So he said good-bye to the homestead one day and started westward. Reaching Iowa he purchased, upon reason- “Don’t go out after dark or you'll get stabbed.” able terms, a farm of two hundred acres, and this he proceeded at once to till in the most approved fashion. The place was about five miles from the hamlet of Prairie Home; his nearest neighbors were the Beasleys. Old man Beasley was one of the pioneers in Iowa; he had been elected to the legislature three successive terms, had run for Congress and been beaten, and, all in all, he was, at the time of which we speak, full of years and of honors. Lucius married the old man’s second daughter, Su- san, a likely virgin, with drab ringlets and a bilious complexion. Her dowry consisted of a trunkful of house iinen and a spotted cow. Fortune smiled upon Lucius. Crops were good and, market prices for grain were fair. In short, the young couple fared 80 prosperously that the second summer of their wedded life they were able to buy a buggy to ride to town in on Sundays and on other occasions. In due time, too, Lucius was enabled to add to the number of his barns, stables and granaries; he had not been farming it in Iowa more than ten years before folks had him worth $10,000, and he must have been, for when the agents fur the new pictorial history of the county came along he subscribed for five copies and paid extra for having his Portrait put in the book. One day Neighbor Higgins drove by. Lucius hallooed to him and asked him what was going on up at toyvn. Higgins allowed that there was nothing new un- less it was. that some of the boys were talking about organizing ‘a Grand Army post; they had decided to have an informal meeting Saturday night to discuss the prac- ticabllity of the scheme. This was pleas- ant news to Lucius. The one thing that Lucius pined for was association with the boys, and by “the boys” he meant (as we mean) the valorous men who did service in the war for the Union. Lucius pined for opportunities to talk over old times, to recount the prodigies he had performed in valor, and to review in the companionship of kindred souls the old-time spirit and enthusiasm. Jpon the following Saturday night, there- fore, Lucius hitched up the buggy and went to town. The meeting was held in the room over Simms’ general store. There were only nine of the boys there, but others said they would join the post “as soon as “He can't go, for mother took off his wooden leg and locked it up.” the organization was completel. So the post was organized amid great enthus'asm and It was known to the world as Corporal Tanner Post, No. 193, G. A. R. With their first money the members of the vost bought a flag, a melodeon, ani a dozen copies of “Patriotic Songs for Male Voices.” This was all the equipment needful. For a number of years the institution prospered; to be more explicit, for the per fed of six years Corporal Tanner Post, No. 193, G. A. R., elected every official in the county, and it came to be suspicioned that nobody had a show in Bayonet county poli- tics unless ne was a member of that Grand Army of the Republic post. But in the ever-to-be-lamented year of 1884 the tidal wave of civil service reform struck Bayonet county very hard. A young lawyer, who bad come to Iowa only two years -before from the east. announced in the democratic weekly that he was a mugwump, and he invited all honest citizens to rally to the purification of national politics. This sin- gularly hardened young man heaped oblo- | quy upon the Grand Army of the Republic, and urged the voters of the county to re- deem their interests frora the clutches of a ring. The sickening result of this agitation was that the voters of Bayonet county de- cided, by a large majority, to suffer the fes- tering wounds of the civil war to heal; in other words, the patriots were ignominious- ly voted out of office and a set of younger and wholly unmeritorious civilians were installed. It was all too apparent that Cor- poral Tanner Post, No. 193, G, A. R., had lost its grip. “Would Lucius be willing to cash a eheck for fifty dollars?” As if to complicate an already distressing condition of affairs, Simms’ general store burned up one night, and the property of the Corporal Tanner Post (including twenty- four chairs, one pine table, one copy of, “Hardee's Tactics,” one flag, two kerosen lamps, one melodeon and a dozen patriotic song books) fell « prey to the remorseless flames; no insurance. All that was saved was a case of canned peaches, and they be- longed to Simms. In this most critical emergency Lucius came to the rescue. “I am, by the kindness of fortune,” said he, ‘enabled to do some- what for this noble cause. I will build a building for Corporal Tanner Post and give the hall in the upper story to the post for permanent occupancy, reserving only the rentals derived from the two stores in the lower story.” This was generous, indeed. ‘The building was a handsome one of brick— an architect from Cedar Rapids devised it. At the dedication of the hall speeches eulo- gistic of Lucius were delivered, and at the next regular meeting of the post Lucius was elected chai1.nan of the delegation to the na- tional encampment. The other delegate was jovial Hank Beker; Hank had bled at Antie- tam. This was the honor that Lucius had long coveted. ‘In Bayoret county,” said he to himself, ‘the soldier boys have, by a most unjust decree of perverse fate, fallen into disrepute. [Elsewhere it is otherwise. I shall go to the national encampment, hear the old songs, see the old faces, be honored as a veteran soldier and return home en- couraged and rehabilitated.” Susan couldn't bear the thought of his go- ing away, and it was only after he had prom- ised to bring them something that the chil- dren became reconciled to his departure. “Don’t go out after dark or you'll get stabbed,” were Susan's last words; “those city folks are powerful bad, I hear.” “Why on earth have you raised the price of tickets?” asked Lucius of the station agent. “We had to do it,” said the agent. “The war in Hayti has given everything an up- ward tendency, you know.” Lucius didn’t know, but he supposed it was all right. Curiously enough, the other delegate, jovial Hank Baker, did not show up at the railway station; but presently Hank's old- est girl (she had pale blue eyes and long yaller hair) came moping-along. ‘‘Mother allows that father ain't goin’,” said the girl. “Ain't goin’?” echoed Lucius. “Naw, mother won't let him,” said the irl. Lucius was very much disappointed, and he was mad, too. “If I was Hank.I'’d go anyhow,” said Lucius. “But he can't,” remonstrated the girl, “f'r mother’s took off his leg ’nd locked it up.” CHAPTER II. So Lucius had to pursue his journey alone. The train was crowded. Lucius finally, however, found a seat beside a grim but intellectual-leoking passenger in the smoking car. The atmosphere of the car was oppressive. As night came on there was Titanic snoring all around. Lucius tried to raise one of the windows, but the rain of the previous day had swelled it and it stuck fast. “I wonder,” said Lucius to his grim but intellectual-looking fellow traveler, “I won- der what makes the air so close fh this car?” n To this query the other answered, sol- emnly: “I opine that some gentieman has drawed a boot.’” They stopped eight minutes for breakfast next morning. The menu was soda crack- ers and pepper sauce. When Lucius was asked to pay 75 cents for this entertain- ment he expostulated. “What do you expect for 75 cents?” de- manded the callous money changer at the door; “terrapin soup and lemon pie?” Lucius returned to the smoking car only to find that during his absence his seat had been taken by a lady with the asthma. For the next 160 miles Lucius stood up, buying tifings of the train boy every time that enterprising person came along. It was a dreary, weary while, but Lucius was not sorry that he had come. “I shall pres- ently be more than repaid,” thought he. The destination was reached at last. Every city is hot in the middle of an Au- gust afternoon. Lucius’ paper collar fell off just as he stepped from the train. As he sought to elbow his way through the steaming crowd he could not help thinking how nice and cool it was under the soft maple trees of a certain Iowa home lot he had in mind. For some reason or other his carpet bag seemed to weigh a ton. “I must be all worn oui,” thought Lucius. “Well, no wonder, for I didn’t get a wink’s sleep all night.” Lucius tried nine hotels, but couldn't find accommodations. He began to feel nervous and hysterical, because everywhere he went he was conspicuously advised by legends on the walls and buildings to “Beware of Pickpockets.” A raging thirst overcame him and he stepped into a convenient place and asked for a drink of water. “We don’t keep it,” said the fat proprie- tor of the place. “Don't keep it?” echoed Lucius. ‘No; ’ta’n’t healthy; there’s germs in it,” said the fat proprietor. ‘‘But I can let you have a nice cool beer for 5 cents.”” An expressman agreed to take Lucius to a pleasant boarding house for $3, and in climbing into the wagon Lucius split his coat very badly across the shoulders. The boarding house was in the suburbs; the terms were $4 a day in advance. Lucius was assigned to a cot in the room over the kitch- en; the room was neither large nor royatly furnished, but it was warm; there were seven other cots in the room, and it was the desire of the proprietor to put two men in each cot. “Are my fellow-lodgers vete- rans?” asked Lucius. ie “No, they are brewery employes,” was the answer. “They have given up their regular rooms temporarily in order to accommodate the visitows.”” For supper they had cold bologna sausage in the shell, and dark bread with aromatic pills in it. Then Lucius went fora walk. A brass band was parading the street, dis- coursing lively music. “I wonder what pa- triotic air that i thought Lucius. “I've lived so long upon my fowa farm that I've quite forgotten the good old songs we sol- | diers used to sing.” He asked a stranger, and was told that the band was playing a selection from “Erminie.”” Lucius did not know what that meant, and he was too mod- est to ask. i Pocr Lucius! He sought everywhere for a familiar face, but could find none; no familiar voice fell upon his ears; the sights | and the sounds of the big, hot city were | strange to him. He had hoped to have reminiscences of the glorious old war days revived, but none around him seemed to know that there had ever been a war. The bands played lively music, the cabmen whirled hither and thither, innumerable fakirs plied their trades upon every hand, and everywhere there was a confusion that | seemed tumultous. An orator was addressing a crowd at a street corner; he wore the honored uniform, but his speech was not the reminiscent talk which Lucius yearned to hear. The orator Was a candidate for some local political office; nis eloquence burned incense to his ambition. A stranger accosted Lucius civilly: “You are one of us?” he asked. “I am an old soldier,” said Lucius. “I thought so,” said the stranger, “I am an old soldier, too. I am an applicant for the post office at Four Corners, Mo., and I solicit you as an old comrade in arms to sign my application.” Of course, Lucius complied with the re- quest. He signed forty-three similar appli- cations that evening. Lucius fared ill that night. Oh, but it was hot, and brewers will snore! “Didn’t I hear dogs howling all night?” asked Lucius next morning. “Like as not you did,” said the landlady. “The dog pound is just back of the house, and I've noticed that at this season of the year the poor creeters is awfully bothered with insomnia.” | Going out upon the street, Lucius saw a handsomcly-dressed man, who appeared to be weeping. The man allowed that he was an old soldier from Chicags. He showed Lucius a telegram, saying: “Come at once; Mamie is worse.’ The stranger said that Mamie was his only daughter. “If she is sick. why don’t you go home?” asked Lucius. He pitied the the distressed father. “TI have barely time to catch the train as it is, and I have hardly money enough by me in currency to take me through,” subbed the poor fellow. Then he wondered (audibly) whether Lucius would be willing to cash his check for tifty dollars. “T reckon I'll have to do it,” said Lucius, “although it won't leave me much change to run on till the bank opens.” Unhappy, thrice unhappy Lucius! Be- guiled pleasant, prosperous home to brave the ma- lignities of the hot and dusty and sinful metropolis, and to fall presently a victim to the arts of the swindler—oh, thrice unhappy Lucius, say we! But happy Hank Baker! Happy in the possession of that weoden leg, enduring trade mark of and most honorable monu- ment to thy patriotic valor; happier still in the boon of a far-seeing, forceful spouse, who, by the simple act of comprehending, “Hank Baker, happy in the Posses- sion of a wooden leg.” ravishing and sequestering that ligneous member, hath plucked thee, as if thou hadst been a brand, from the burning! The End. -_-—_—_——_—_ Nancibel. From the Chap Book. ‘The ghost of a wind came over the hill, While day for a moment forgot to die, And stirred the sheaves of illet leave: As Nancibel went by. Out of the land of Long Ago, Into the land of Bye and Bye, Faded the gleem Of a journeying dream, As Nanclbel went by. ag ee eee A Natural Ice Box. From the St. Louls Republic. About fifteen miles west of Red Bud, IIL, on the banks of the Mississippi river, is a natural curiesity, being no less than a refrigerator formed by some unexplained law of nature. A short time ago Farmer Wallace dug a cellar in the shaley hill- side, where the rocks are thin and brittle, in order to get.a storage place for milk and other edibles. After digging back a few feet, he was surprised to find layers of ice between the layers of rock, and as it was cool inside, and it promised to be more than he expected in the way of a refrige- rator, he finished it up by putting in a door. He finds by trial that everything placed in- side, such as meats, milk, fruits or other perishable articles, keeps perfectly for any length of time. During the hottest weather last summer milk stored in this cellar would make the teeth ache to drink it. Mr. G. V. Kettler of this city says it is a wonder, and not at all like a common cel- lar, but a veritable ice box, made so by the natural ice formed inside, how, it is not known. +o2—____ A Shark for Jailer. From the Jacksonville Times-Union. Jailer Jacqmain has hit upon a novel idea to keep young boys from escaping from the city jail. The boys usually drop into the river and swim ashore. He proposes to buy a man-eating shark and chain him to a post under the jail. He will only give the shark enough to eat to keep him alive, and he will be a brave boy indeed who will risk being eaten by a hungry shark to gain his liberty. Any one having a shark for sale should notify the jailer, who will try to induce the board of public works to purchase one for this purpose. eo ____ Stopping a Panic. From the Boston Globe. One night at a London theater some odds_ and ends of scenery took fire, and a very perceptible odor of burning alarmed the spectators. A panic seemed to be imminent, when an actor appeared on the stage. “Ladies and gentlemen,” he said, “‘com- pose yourselves. There is no danger—I give you my word of honor there is no danger.” ‘The audience did not seem reassured. “Ladies and gentlemen,” continued the comedian, rising to the necessities of the occasion, “confound it all; do you think if there was any danger I'd be here?” ‘The paric collapsed. 7oe Fig Leaf Dispute. From the Pittsburg Leader. There is a row on among the trustees of Carnegic Library, which 1s to be dedicated this week, over the question of draping statuary. There are six pieces of art work, and some of the trustees insist that at least four of them should have coverings. President Holliday of the common council, who is a member of the board of trustees, said today: “Yes, there is some dispute over exhibit- ing nude models. Pittsburg is not accus- tomed to the nude in art, and until we have ittle more art here I think the fix leaf should be used.’ GOLDBERGER The k: Like a fierce galvanic shock, That the frost is on the pumpkin And my overcoat’s in hock.—Life. wiedge dawns upon me by sentimental vanity to leave a, WOMEN IN CONGRESS Opinions in Regard to the Result of Such a Change. z WHAT WELLKNQWE PRIPLE sa Criticism of Congress as Well as i ef of the Gentle Sex. SOME SPICY LETTERS (Copyrighted, 1895, by Frank G. Carpenter.) HE “NEW WOMAN” is rapidly coming to the front in the United States. She already votes in many localities, and within the past year she has made herself felt in many of the states upon the public school boards. The question will soon come as to whether she ought to have a place in the halls of Congress at Washington. This question has already been discussed, and during the past few weeks I have sent requests for an expression as to the effect of such an innovation to a number of our prominent statesmen, and also to the leading women of the United States. My question was: “If women came to Congress, what would be the result?” It was accompanied by a reply postal card, and the answers were necessarily short. ~ They Would Abolish Spittoons Here is what Susan B. Anthony writes: “When women come to Congress, both the men and the women will be put on their best behavior—morally, intellectually, so- clally—tecause the sexes together always inspire cach other to be and to do their best. The huge cuspidors at every seat will be banished, the heating registers will no longer emit the fumes of burned tobac- co juice; the two houses and the corridors will cease to be filled with tobacco smoke thick enough to cut with a knife. The desks will 1ot be used as foot benches; decency and good order will be observed in the discussions, and the proprieties of civ- lized society will obtain. Then justice, not targain and sale, will decide legislation. May the good time come speedily!” SUSAN B. ANTHONY. Views of a Woman Lawyer. “If a woman was sent to Congress, she would go there by the votes of the people, and would therefore be likely to be a wise woman, and if so, would study political questions and their bearings upon the mass of the people, and would probably say the right thing in the right’ place, and vote the right way. My experience with women in great international congresses, where much thought is required, i# that they are zeal- ous and conscientious. The effect of wo- men in Congress on the masculine portion would be civilizing and refining. Belliger- ent encounters would be unknown. “BELVA\,A,, ,LOCK WOOD.” Some Men Who Don’t Want Them. “The result would be—chaos JAMES H, KYLE, U. S. Senator from South Dakota. “If women come to,Congress and wear the high hats they ég in the theater, I will speak for ‘a frorit seat.” Yours. trify, * ‘en Q. MILLS, U. 8. S2pator from Texas. “If women came to Congress, what would be the result?” «0 tue ee “I reply—words an@cwar!”’ 1 FITZHUGH LEE. “My views with tegard t¢'wofhan suffrage are krown, and will*be further set forth in a work, ‘Icarus,’ by me. * “If women came to Congress, what would be the result?” ee “The demoralization of men and women from the employment of women clerks in Washington is a fact, and ‘the result’ of the advance would be a quickening of the “Descensus Avern ARCELLUS CLAY, “CASSIUS J “Ex-United States Minister to Russia.” A Poetic View. “If women came to Congress, what would be the result?” Tak’ng the sitting of women in Congress as emblematic of the political equality ot the sexes, I answer this question in the words of Tennyson: “And so these twain, upon the skirts of Time, Sit side by side, powers, Dispensing harvest, sowing the To-be, Self reverent snd reverencing each, Distinct in individualities, But like each other ev’n as those who love. Then comes the statelier Eden back to men: Then reign the world’s great bridals, chaste and calm: Then springs the crowning race of human kind.” ISABELLA BEECHER HOOKER. “For one thing, the dirty, vile, poisonous tobacco smoke and spit would have to leave the House and the committee rooms. To- bacco Kills the foie es it as well as who have to breathe it. eeese “ELIJAH A. MORSE, “Member of Congress from Massachusetts.” “Among other results, we would have better laws generally and purer air spe- cifically. HANSBROUGH, S. Senator from North Dakota.” Clara Barton’s Sober View. “It would seem that a glance backward wouid be helpful in this attempt at fore- casting the future. What has been the result of mixed assemblages of men and women; the miners’ camp and all pioneer life? Did the advent of women there de- moralize? Did it impair the atmosphere, morally, religiously, socially or economi- cally? Did it retard progress? “If women had not gone, what would have been the result? The churches—were they better without women? Has their presence there been demoralizing? Have they bred discord? Have they readily en- tered into iniquitous and tri@ky plans Have they been easily bought and sold? Are they costly elements in the churches? Would the churches like to dispense with their presence? “If women had not gont, what would have been the result? Schools—Have wo- men students demoralized such schools, colleges anc universities as have admitted them? Has the standard been lowered, and the curriculum made easier to suit their inferior capacities, and enable them to keep abreast with their classmates? Per- haps the classmates themselves would be the more correct testimony in this mat- ter. The experiment is comparatively new and has been fraught with difficulties; we are willing to submit it te a twenty years’ trial, and then decide ‘the results’. “Where women are members of con- ventions, do they disturb or lower the tone of thought and action? "We have no way of judging the future but by the past,’ and judging by the past; what are we to expect, if women should come to Con- gress?"" CLARA BARTON. More Letters From Statesmen. “The result would be ‘that at the first session they would vote the country into a@ war—in which the men would have to do the fighting. Yet I have often thought I would vote to let women vote.’” W. E. CHANDLER, U. S. Senator froin New Hampshire. “It would depend very much on the kind of women. If they were disciplined par- liamentarians, philosophic thinkers, train- full summ’d in all their led debaters, students of history, acquaint- ed with political economy, accomplished in cratory, and exempt from all the Incidents of maternity, the result might be ~enefi- cent. JOHN J. INGALLS. “My early and intimate acquaintance with woman has taught me that she is always to be trusted, and is oftener right than men are.” B. HENDERSON, Member of Congress from Iowa. “She would take the official oath, draw her salary promptly, strive to win a good seat in the lottery held for that purpose, and then would be of some account or of no account as a legislator, just as her brother is. “With industry, ability and character she would be valuable, without those qualities she would only be useful on roll call and then only after being told how to vote.” Yours, J. G. CANNON. Member of Congress from Ilinois. “The Lord only knows.” J. C. BURROWS, United States Senator from Michigan. “Since men and women, working together harmoniously in the home and other rela- tions of life, secure the best results for hu- manity, it is reasonable to suppose that when working upon a footing of equality and freedom, similar results would follow in that larger home—the state. Women might make mistakes. Men do; but their com- bined wisdom would reduce them to a min- imum.” ZERELDA G. WALLACE. “In my judgment, the result would, view- ed from every possible standpoint, be bene- ficial in all respects. The public morals of Congress would be improved, its legisiation would be elevated and liberalized in tone and character, the rights of one-half of those comprising the citizenship of our coun- try and now unfortunately and unjustly de- prived of all voice in making both legislators and laws, would be better protected than they now are and an act of long-delayed justice would be done to this disfranch!sed class of our fellow citizens. JOHN H. MITCHELL, “U. S. Senator from Oregon.” It Would Demoralize Congress. “The question involves a groundless spec- ulation. The women of this country, as a mass, do not desire to become members of Congress; with few exceptions, they do not even desire to vote, nor to perform mili- tary service—these two public duties natur- ally being attached to each other. But it such conditions were changed; if, with the elective franchise, representative duties were imposed upon women, from my ex- Ferience in legislature I should say the re- sult would be the deterioration of Congress, and the moral degradation of such of the gentler sex as become members.” THOMAS DUN ENGLISH, Member of Congress from New Jersey, and author of “Ben Bolt.” “Women do not need to go-to Congress to have their rights protected. I cannot imagine anything thag would be more in- jurious, more detrimedtal to the moral ini fluence and solid status of woman than for her to descend from her exalted place in tne esteem of the best manhood and the most devoted and enlightened sentiment of all ages unto the low and demoralizing plane of politics Yours truly, PATRICK WALSH, United States Senator from Georgia. “I do not know but a Congress made up solely of women would be an improvement but do not think one composed of both sexes a thing to be desired.” Respectfully, MICHAEL D. HARTER, Ex-Congressran from Ohio. “I do not believe that it would have any appreciab‘e influence on the tread of legis- lation if a few women were interspersed among a much larger number of men. 1 would not attempt to say what the would be if they were in the majority. ISIDOR STRAUS, Member of Congress from New York. FRANK G. CARPENTER. — “VLL T7UMP HIM.” How a Case of Disappointment in Love Was Settled. From the Newark Advertiser. “Say, kin ye keep dis t’ing out o’ de Paper?” asked a shaky disciple of Chim- mie Fadden, who was to appear before Judge Mott this morning in the second pre- cinct court, on a charge of assault and battery. “Who are you, and what is the story you want suppressed?” was asked. “It's only a little scrap me and me part- ner had wid a fellow. His name is Sam Loader. He'd been sayin’ t’ings about me, an’ dat’s how it was; you know what I mean. “Well, what is your name?” “Patterson—that’s my name, an’ me friend—his name is McNamara—Bernard McNamara. Dey ain’t nothing’ comin’ out o’ it. Dis feller wanted to turn me down wid de“goil—you know what I mean—so he gces to me goil an’ says he seed me out with another goil. Den she tell about it, an’, sez I, it's not so. Den I faces dem up pn’ she believes de story an’ dat proves me a liar—you know what I mean? “But, den, ye know, when he can’t cot out me goll, he says t'ing:. about her an’ me, and, says I, ‘I'll t'ump him.’ Dey ain’t nothin’ in it. only when I meets him down town de udder night an’ asks him about it, me an’ him had words. I ain’t- goin’ to let;him take me steady company away from me, ye know. I says to him, ‘I guess de only t’ing fer us to do is t"have it out.’ ‘Naw,’ says he, ‘I'll see youse fel- lers agin.’ ‘Naw ye won't,’ sez I, an’ so we t'umped him. Dat's de hull of it, but I don’t want me goil to see it in de paper.” Judge Mott held both defendants in $400 to answer. CLOUDED HIS LIFE. Terrible Ending of a Tarkey Shoot and a Stage Driver's Experience. From the Minneapolis Journal. To the pioneers of North Dakota, particu- larly that class who had occasion to “stage It” back in the days when the snort of the iron horse had not been heard on the then sparsely settled prairies, the name of “Bill” Gidley was as familiar as that of Colonel John H. Stevens is to the Minneopolitan. Bill was a stage driver—one of those great, big, good-natured souls, whose face dilated between a broad grin and a hearty guffaw. His arrival at a stage station was the signal for merriment from the office to the kitchen, from cellar to garret. He was a privileged character. Bill Gidley, notwithstanding his rough, unpolished manner, was always the gentleman, and had as tender a heart as ever beat in human breast. Gidley’s friends little thought that a cloud would sweep across the ‘ife of the big stage driver which would forever hide from view the smile which had been for many years a light along the route. Thirteen years ago, on Thanksgiving day, there was a turky shooting match at Bis- marck. Bill was there; he went to see the sport, and, while not an expert shot, “"lowed he'd just kill off what few turkeys these ‘ere fellows have got.” After a num- ber of unsuccessful shots Bill's friends be- gan to make sport of his marksmanship. One of them, pointing to a little outbuilding standing some thirty rods distant, req marked: “Bill, you can’t hit that shack over there.” Gidley clapped his rifle to his shoul- der, pulled the trigger, the door to the shack swung open and Bill's best friend fell at the entrance—shot througr the heart. ‘That was thirteen years ago. Gidley is still stag- ing it In the Black Hills country, but his old- time friends would hardly recognize him. The face once wreathed in smiles is a pic- ture of cadness; no more are heard the jolly |. stories and pleasantries that used to lend a light to the station. A heart-broken man, he passes his leisure time in comparative solitude. 666 Why He Was Mad. From Harper's Bazar. “Why did Starr resign from the Actors’ Ciub?”, “Mad. When they posted him for non- payment of dues, they put his name in the same sized letters as his understudy.” = a ‘This? ‘Life. And the very long beard protect TWO DYED BURGLARS. The Ludicrous Result of an Attempt- d Robbery. From the Philadelphia Times. A good story is told of the way in which a dyer treated two burglars that he caught in his establishment, as they were in the act of making off with some valuable dyes. Mr. S., the owner of the color works, is often en- gaged in experiments late in the evening, and occasionally spends the night in the chemical laboratory, which opens into the room where the great dye vats are. The thieves made their visit, as it chanced, on one of the nights when Mr. S. was sleep- ing at the laboratory. He is naturally a light sleeper, and a little past midnight he was aroused by the sound of voices in the vat rocm. He saw the flash of a light, and sus- pecting thieves, arose quietly from his sofa, tock his revolver and concealed in the dark- ress watched the movements of the two men. He saw that each bore a package of new and valuable dyes. Thinking that matters had progressed far enough, he stepped forward, cocked his re- volver, and said, quietly: “I have a use for those dyes. You'd better leave them alone.” The thieves, taken completely by surprise, dropped their plunder and started to run, lesping from the side of one vat to the next. In the darkness one of them miscalculated the distance and feli headlong into the ind go vat; and his companion, hearing the splash, glanced back to see what had occur- red, lost his balance and toppled into the same vat. ‘That’s all right,” said Mr. S., half jocose- ly, as he stepped to the edge of the vat and covered the thieves with his revolver. “I won't grudge you enough of that indigo to dye your clothes and your skin. You needn't hurry about getting out. We must give the dye a chance to take effect.” For fifteen minutes or more he kept the two men in ihe vat, where they several times plunged beneath the surface of the liquid, and came up spluttering and choking and finally begged for mercy. “Well,” remarked Mr. S., good-naturedly, “I think you probably are as blue outside as you feel inside, so I won't detain you longer. And now,” changing his tone to one of stern command, “if you don’t want the police on ycur tracks, you'll make yourself scarce in this town. Out now, and be off!” Without a word the two men climbed out of the vat and hastened away. -A few days later a friend from an adjoin- ing town called on Mr. S. and mentioned in- cidentally that two men came to see him and offered him $5 to tell them,what would remove indigo stains from the skin. “They were the bluest-looking fellows you ever saw,” he added. “They said they got to oe in the dye house and fell into the vat.” From the Arizona Kicker, Two weeks ago our esteemed fellow- townsman, Maj. Gilroy, lost control of him- self while speuking of Col. Baker, another esteemed citizen, and characterized him as a liar and a horse thief. When the colonei heard of this language he lost his usually placid temper and called the major a cow stealer and a bigamist. Then both sent word to each other that they would shoot on sight, and during the next ten days the public momentarily expected to hear of a tragedy. We seldom meddle with such af- fairs, but in this cose we were requested by numerous friends to endeavor to bridge the chasm. Three days ago we bridged it. We got the colonel and the major together in Jim Buck's saloon and disarmed them as a starter. The major had called the colonel a lar and a horsethief. We have the records cf both men, and it took us only a minute to convince the colonel that he stole a horse in Indiana in 1857, and that his general rep- utation around town was that of a liar. We then turned to the major and satisfied him that he stole a cow in Illinois five years ago, and that he married a second wife in Ne- braska last year without getting a divorce from his first. Both gentlemen had told the truth about each other, and as soon as this fact was apparent they shook hands and made up. There will be ro shooting—no gore. The horsethief has forgiven the cow- stealer and the bigamist has extended the hand of peace to the liar. It is well. Se A VERY SLICK POLITICIA What Some Americans Think of Li Hung Chang—His Enormous Wealth. W. E. Curtis in Catcago Record. Li Hung Chang is not only what the young Americans call “‘a very slick politician,” but is possessed of enormous wealth and has re- dveed the practice of bribe giving and tak- ing to exact science. He is undoubtedly the richest-man in Asia.. No Indian prince, not even the sultan of Turkey, has wealth to compare with his. Although he is not worth as much as $500,000,000, as I have seen it stated recently in the papers, the manager of the principal bank in Tientsin, who knows as weil as any one, estimates his fortune at £40,000,000 or $200,000,000, He owns a large part of the province of Ngan Whi. His es- tates at Wuhu are enormous. He has pawn shops in almost every city of the empire, and they are said to furnish the most prolita- ble business in China. He is the largest shareholder in the Hong Kong and Shanghai Bank and the China mu- tual navigation company, whioh runs a line of steamers along the coast. He owns coal mines atKa! Ping and other places along the ceast of the Yellow sea, and also those in the provinces of Shangtung and Shansi. He owns the railway between Tongku and Sban-hai-quan. He owns acre after acre of valuable real estate in Tientsin and Shanghai, two of the most important cities of the empire, and has a large holding in the shares of every cor- poration of importance in both those cities, as well as at other points in northern China. He owns a big cotton mill at Shanghai, is interested in copper and iron mines, and an inventory of his property would include a portion of every enterprise north of the Yang’ tze river that is worth investing in. — Gold From Teeth. From the New York ‘Tribune. The guld which is taken from teeth which have been filled or which is filed or scraped from the gold used in making tooth crowns or new gold fillings is no inconsiderable item for a dentist to consider. A dentist recently said that the sweepings from his carpet had netted him $35 in a single month. The little scraps of gold that re- main after meny operations are gathered in bottles aad sold at a fair price to the dealers from whom gold 1s obtained. In some cases the gold is mixed with some other metal, or with dust, but all of it has a commercial value. The price paid by dealers is, of course, much less than that asked for ths sheets of gold bought by the dentists. Gold used in dental operations ts of sev- eral degrees of fineness. Fourteen-karat gold has its uses in the making of tooth plates, and other finer gold to the value of several hundred dollars at one time Is not unusual with a busy member of the profession. Stern Parent: From the Chicago Tribune. “Father,” said Sammy, “the teacher says you ought to take me to an optician’s. He says I’ve got astigmatism.” “Got what?’ “Astigmatism.” “Well, if he don’t thrash that out of you,” reared Mr. Wipedunks, “I will.”” Resolution. Mr. A. H. Cransby of 158 Kerr street, Memphis. Tenn., writes that his wife had cancer which had <aten two large holes in her breast, and which the best pbysicians of the surrounding country treated, and Pronounced incurable. Her grand- MmotLer and aunt had died of Cancer ami when told this, the most eminent speciulists of New York, under whose treatment she was placed, declared he- case was hopeless. AM treet ment having failed, she was given up to die. 8. SS was reou mended, and, astonishing as it may seem, 2 few bottles cured ber sound and well. Our treatise on this disease will be sent free to any address. SWIFT SPECIFIC CO., Atlanta, Ga. eS WHAT AILS THE PEOPLE? The True Cause of Most Physica) Troubles Made Perfectly Clear. “What are the principal ailments of the Amerl. can peopl ‘This question was recently put by a reporter to Dr. Ephraim Cutler, whose name stands fore ranks of the medical profession. His “Bright's disease. “The great increase of this fearful malady is ettracting universal attention. Every one is anxious to know how it is brought on. What causes it, doctor?” The physician paused for a few minutes before replying, and then said: “ cen best explain that by a very simple illustration, » Any one who cats beefsteak kuows what is fat and what is lean, if the muscle of the steak changed to fat it is called ‘fatty In the same way, with the human body, if the Kidney substance changes into fat it is called ‘Bright's disease.’ Bright’s disease is fatty de- generation and not one person in twelve is free from some form of kidney or liver disease.”’ “May I esk if there is any cure of these com- ints?" the reporter inquired. ‘es,"” replied the doctor, “there is, if people will only take the right remedy at the right time. As a tule, it is only when-they break down, lose appetite, find their complexions sallow, # constant white coating on the tongue and inflamed eyes that hey suspect anything is wrong. Ameétican genius has found it possitle to arrest diseases of the liver and kidneys and to positively cure Brizht’s dis- czse. The discovery of Warner's Safe Cure has been a godsend to the world. There pre thousands of men and women who are alive today and are kept fh health entirely through its use. This fact is now known and’ admitted by physicians in every portion of the globe.” The words of the doctor are true and they de- mand the serious consideration of every one who reads these lines, Bright's disease is, undoubted- ly, the most alarming of all our modern discases, It often comes without warning, has few symptoms cf its own, but shows the signs of almost all other complaints. Any man or woman who is at all “ont of sorts” should-mot ‘hesitate, for it is @ well-known truth that “delays ape dangerous.” The Dector’s. Column. S. 0. D., St. Paul.—What remedy can you faith- fully recommend for catarrh? I want something ot merit. Take Catarrhine as directed. It is guaranteed by the manufacturers, and is a remedy that always relieves eatarrh, - A. C., Toronte.—Alternate Cerebrine, etract of the brain, with Testine, in five-drop doses, on the tongue, three thmes daily for two months. Toke suline baths, using our sea salt, sleep in’ a cool wom, and avoid alcohol, tobacco and spices. E. D. K., Louisville.—Piease state a remedy for digestion, Take a tezepoonful of Gastrine aftér each meal. ‘Twice a week a dose of Natrolitaic Salts, A. L. E., St. Louis.—My lungs are weak, and as soon as the cold weather comes on, I have cttacks of bronchitis. What is a good remedy? Take Pulmoline as directed, and kep the bowela regular with Natrolithic Salts, C. FALING BROWN, A.M., MLD., Med. Dept., Col. Cem. Co., Washington, D. All letters of inquiry answered free. The Animal Extracts. CEREBRINE, from the Brain. MEDULLINB, from the Spinal Cord. CARDINE. fron the Heart. TESTINE, OVARINE, THYROIDIN NATRO- LITHIC SALTS, for Constipation. GASTRUNE, for Dyspepsia. CATARRHINE, ECZEMICURE, and other specizIties of the COLUMBIA CHEMICAL Co. Now at all draggists. Send for literature. Grateful—Comforting Epps’s Cocoa. BREAKFAST- SUPPER. a thorough knowledge of the natural Jaws gcvera tke cperations of digestion and nutri- pl wtich tion, and by a careful application of the finé prop- erties of well-sclected Cocoa Mr. Epps hos provided for our breakfest aid supper a delicately flavored rage Which may sive us many heavy doctors" \ills. Ft is by the jrdicicus use of snch articles of hat a constitation may be gradually built ap Wil strong encugh to resist every tendency of die- of sul maladies are floatit aicund us ready to attack wherever there Is a wi ‘int. We may escape af a fagal shaft keeping curselves well fortified. with Mood awit a properly nourished: frame.”—€ivil.. Service Ga- Bette, “Made ‘stimply “with bolliag water’ of ml Sold ‘only in balf-pound tins, by grocers, labeled SUS: JAMES EPPS & CO.. Ltd... Homoeopathic Chemists, jou, “England. : 0c5-8,m,tu,9m World's Fair! ‘HIGHEST AWARD. 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From her residet ley Thomas writs on H street, Mrs. Jane Hur ley “I have now taken Dr. Edl- son's Obesity Pills and Fruit Salt five weeks, They have reduced me 29 pounds and greatly im- proved my too fat hips and al * Writing from qe State Department, Julia Lloyd Dana says: ‘Dr. Edison's Obesity Pills and Salt bare, in seven weeks, reduced my Weight 39 pounds and rendet mc much more gracef as well ag bealthy, T am recommending them ‘to fat lady er Writing from the Washington Woman's Club, Mrs, Kite Richards Reignolds says: “Dr. Edison's Pills aud Salt have reduced me about 33 pounds in 39 days, cured me of indigestion and completely Siad Tong Vanished unsightly liver spots which ef, may _complerion. aa j Col. Thomas West, ‘Treasur; pariment. says: -T have. in. four weeks, reduced” my abdominal mea: it 9 inches with Dr. Edison's Obesity, nd. ‘Onesity Pills, $1.50 a bottle, or three bottles fos . enough for one treatment, Hoste Bent Salt ie $1 bottle, Oberity Band, size up to 36 inches, ts $2.503 10 cents extra ch additional inch in length. Send atl mail, express or C. O. D. orders to us, A lady expert will be at P. Merix's Pharmacy, EPT IN 8’ a 'S PHARMACY, F onw. ETN PHARMACY, * 1846 N.Y. ave. n.w. Send for “How to Cure Obesity,” 24 newspapa columns, written by distinguished authors; numer ‘ous ilustrations and 200 testimonials. address exactly as given below: & CO. United States, jeneral Agents, ‘So. 19, No. 118 Btate street. Dept. 4, No. 42 W. 22d street. Best Mains We force of watchmake: and guarantee proinpt de- live of work. All work warranted for one year. oc23-im,6* A. KAHN, Watchmaker, 935 F aw. ty. ot ring, Tc. Crystal, 10c.