The Butler Weekly Times Newspaper, January 10, 1883, Page 2

* ‘ SOCBOLOGER’S REVENGE ! On Old Hardtack.—He makes Him Believe the End ofthe World Had Come—Hew two De- mons get him by the Heels’ but were too weak to Fly Off with Him! it was not a great while arter old Hardtack set his bullies on me in chuich, and my ride on that ’artarn- shun hog’s back, that I began to re- volve in my mindhowI’d git even with the aforementioned preacher, and teach him and several other half- witted people a lesson that wouldn’t be forgotten on this nor ’tother side of Jordan. I studied night and day for some time devissin’ plans, but none ot them suited me, and I was about to give up in despair when most an or- ,ul good opportunity presented it- self. A big Millenniumite preacher by he name ot Jones, came up from Saint Louis. and began a_ series of tectures to prove that the millennium was soon to take place--that its dawn was then makin’ its appearance— that it would appear in fullin 1868, “" joasibly sooner. ardtack swallowed down and be- fieved every word Jones said, and exhorted every hardened sinner to drop off his evil doin’s and escape the great catastrophe, and that ortul take of fire and brimstone that was gapin’ wide for every low down loaf- er of ’em that wouldn’t come out on the good side. He told ’em that every one that wished ceuld git a free ticket for a passage to the far- ther shore on the good old ship of Zion, whose sails war now unfurled forher last trip across eternity’s wide ocean. He told’em that all who were left behind would — git roasted throughout the endless ages of eternity ina lake of sulpherous fire, whose lambent flames would roll a hundred feet over thar heads. The weaker minded got orfully scar- ed up, and crowded ground the preachers, callin’ for tickets for a and far beyond this terrestrial sphere to which the old ‘*boy’? was about to stick the incendiary’s torch. The lectures were to be contiaued ior sixteen nights. On the night ot the 10th lecture, things got mity hot. A great many people believed every word Jones said, and a general con- sternation prevaded about hali the community, and eyen those who thoughf that they were ready for the eventful hour warinan orful sight of trouble on account of a son or.a daughter, of some near relative who hadn’t nor wouldn’t git tickets for the last eventtul trip of the good old ship. Every night things got hotter and hotter, until some had become sane, and one old feller got so skeer- ed up, that he cut tie cable that an- chored him to this mundane and put out in advance throng that would foller soon. Albwho believed in Jones’ tures, quit labor and in- shore, ot the lec- went from house to house—gathered in groupes here ana thar, and talked of nothin’ | but the millennium and its conse- quences. ( On the rrth night one woman be- ime 2 ravin maniac, and fell into a cataleptic state, rescemblin’ the dead more than the livin’. On the 12th dav several ot the church met at Deacon Smuth’s to devise some plan to put a stop to Toues’ nonsensical lec- tures that war turnin’ the naborhood apside «down, They unanimously sgreed:to sendfor me, as I was known te be am expert at such burs- "leSS. ed out a nigger camp mectin’ down in Arkinsaw; and they wanted to imow if I could devise a plan by which we could clean out the Mill- snmumites signally as I did the wig gers? told them sartinly I could— fist give me two hours to fix up the whole programme. Two hours atter this, report, which was agreed on, and the several actors in the drama were sworn to secrecy. Ttold them we'd get a barrel of two members Imade my | unanimously ! voal oil, forty-eight pound: of pow- | der, twenty-four bombshells, four small bailons, two of them capable They had heard how I clean- | of raisin’ one hundred and _ twent, five pounds each, and two seventy- five pounds each, and four buglers, and twenty-five fire rockets. ‘ Twenty-four hours arter this, all these articles were produced, and with impatience we awaited the re- turn of another night to try the faith of the believers in the new doctrine. We pasted some horrid pictures on the balloons, representin’ old “nick” in his most hideous form and looks. Eachactor was .taught well the parthe was to act in the great drama soonto take place. I got wrought up to such a pitch ot ex- citement in anticipation of the fun we'd have, that I had a big shake of the ‘*buck-ague,’’ as old hunters call the nervous excitement which they sometimes have when creepin’ upon a deer. “The night was dark—the sun was hid eneath he mouniain gray, And nota single star appeared To shoot a single ray.”” We attached some large fish hooks balloons, and to cords tastened to the and every actor took his station waited impatiently tor the signal to begin. : A train of coal oil was begun about a mile and a quarter from the church, and run near by and then tormed acircle all around the build- in’, with the exception of a gap about 30 feet wide. lett for the stam- peders to, make thar escape through. The bombshells had been filled with powder and placed at intervals of 75 yards along the train of coal oil, so that the nearest one was not nearer than six hundred yards from the church. Jones had begun his lecture, and things were a gittin’ purty hot. Some were weepin’ and some war most orfully skee-ed up. for Jones had proved to a demonstration that the millennium was about to pe ush- ered in: but what particular way it would manifest itself no one m could tell. Jones says: Brethren, the millen- nium is near at hand--1t may begin to-mght! Gabriel’s trumpet may announce the great event! . * * Fa * « * I signaled the buglers, who were stationed in a tall tree near by, and they geve a few toots. The fun now began in earnest! Hardtack jumped oyer the front ot the pulpit kerslap into the middle of the floor and yellea out: Breethrin’, 1ts a comin’!—its a comin’!! Gabriel is soundin’ his trumpet—and all you poor sinners are goners!) And thar’s fim Brad- ley! I’ve told you, old hoss, you ought to repent in sackcloth and ash- es jong ago! Bradley told him to attend to his own case and let the sinners alone— that they would take care of them- selves. The bugles now sounded louder A dozen rockets were the and longer. now ignited and soon heavens seemed to be ina blaze of fire of va- In a few seconds oth- he bugles sound- The train ot farther rious colors. ers were sent up. ed londer coal oil was now fired at the and louder. the two preachers in the lead. The | church was about four feet off the | ground, and when the preachers got ; to the steps their feet slipped and | down they went, heels over stomacn, and everybody a tumblhin’ night onto } ’em. Of all the piles of sufferia’ humanity that was ever seen, this took the lead. Men, women and , children all in one eternal pile a! kickin’, rarin’ clawin’, squirmin’, | twistan’, rollin’, tumblin’, hollerin’, | n’, cuss.n’, | each other with might and main. At last | the two preachers crawled out, with 3 s ! neither hat, coatnorshirton. Their } hair was matted together, and their | faces were so muddy that they were the orfullest sights lever saw. They | vyellin’, screamin’, pr and pullin’ hair. and thumpin’ looked like oxen that had bin gorin’ | into a muddy bank. As tastas the | people got out of that pile, they started for their home as fast as thar | shanks could carry them. The twe | preachers started on a run, and four | ran up | into men with the balloons now to them and fastened the hooks pants’ legs, thar | : | the lower part of thar | and let "em go. In an imstant i heels were in the air and thar heads | a draggin’ along on the ground. A | light breeze. now sprang up, and the two baloons tastened to jones lifted | him up in the air, and as he passed : over Mrs. Davis’ head, he caught} her by the hair. Great heavens, if | thar warnt some yellin’ and scream- | in! At last Mrs. Davis got loose, af- } ter loosin’ about half her hair. Jones now went on a kickin’ at every thing in his way, and as_ he he caught a limb and anchored until morning. He now got a sight of them horrid pictureson the balloons. and was sartin’ the devil had him aed was tryin’ to fly off with him. The people now got another big skeer on, for they war sartin’ the devil had thar two preachers, and war tryin’ to fly off with ‘em. When Hardtack get sight of them } horrid monsters that had him by the heels, he roared like a lion, kicked and squirmed, but still they held him fast. He begged and plead and told | the devils he would submit with pa- tience to any punishment they might | inflict on him if they would only put him right end up. Butnot a word did they say, but still held on, drag- | gin’ him slowly with his head touch- m’ the earth. At last the balloons dragged him a straddle of a saplin’ and thar he anchored. Arterthe people got away trom the fire, they scattered to the four! winds. } imagination can never portray the | sad tale that was told when they ar- | rived athome. They said the world | was on fire, and that four horrid | lookin’ monsters had dragged off the | two preachers—but that the two that j had Hardtack were not stout enough | to fly with him; that they had _ his heels up in the air, with his head i draggin’ along on the ground. H Day dawned once more. A few | | Daid, though the iw and clawin’! | | = passed through the tep of a tree, | | Johnson, his wite, of Bates county, M | Bates {| trustee, I J. T. Smith, as trustee afore- | | hause door, in the town (now city) of Old mai Protessor are you a married man? Prof.—Not in the con- crete—but If hold through a contem- plated matrimonial collateral consan- guinity one of those comitants to a mans terrestrial felic- necessary , ity. Trustee’s Sale. Whereas, William Pearce and Siltie E. Pearce, his wife, of Bates county, Mis- souri, by their deed of trust, dated De- cember 26th, 1874, and recorded in the recorder’s office of said Bates county, in book No. 9, at Page 35y, did cenvey to, T. D. isafter, as trustee, for the purpose i ot securing the payment ofa certain promissory note therein described, the following real estate, in the county ot Bates and State of Mi-souri, to-wit: The southeast quarter of section No. 33, township No. 40 of range No. 32. And, whereas, on the 2d day of April, 1851, said Wm. Pearce and Sillie E. Pearce, ; | his wie. soldand conveved said land to G. W. Maddox, of ‘Bates county, Mis-/ souri, by general warranty deed in which | aid deed the said G. W. Maddox, ex- | pressly assumed the payment of the debt evidenced by the note aforesad as part! of the purchase money of said land and gave his own individual note in lieu of said note frst named. And, whereas, said last mentioned note is due and un- paymeut of the same has otten been demanded from satd G. Maddox. Now, theretore, at the; request of the legal holder ot said last mentioned note, and in accordance with | | the provisions and terms of said deed of trust and by virtue of the power in mei vested as trustee, by said deed ot trust } and the agreement of said G. W. Maddox | made as aforesaid in the premises,I, T. D. | Rafter, as trustee as aforesaid, will on Monpay, FEBRUARY 5th, 18383, between the hours of 9 o'clock a. m.-, and 5 o’clock."p. m., of said day at the cou t house door, in the town (now city) ot Butler, Bates county, Missouri, sell aid real estate above described or so much thereof as may be necessary to sat- isfv said debt and the cost of this trust, tothe highest bidder for cash in hand at public yendue. : T. D. RAFTER, Trestee. Trustee’s Sale. Whereas, Wm. H. Johnson and Alice souri, by their deed of trust, dated Sep- tember 23d, 1878, and recorded in book | 17, at page 213, in the recorder’s office | ot Bates county, Missouri, did convey to | J. T. Smith, as trus’ee, tor the purpose ot securing the payment of a certain Promisso:y note in said deed of trust described the tollowing real estate in county, Missouri, to-wit. The | northwest quarter et the northwest quar- ter of section 21, township no. 41, of range 29- And. whereas, said note hes become due and payable and default has been made in the payment of said note, though the payment thereof has often [| been demanded Now, therefore, at the | request of the legal holder of said note and in accordance with the provisions | and terms of said deed ot trust and by virtue of the power in me vested as such said, wif, Wednesday, 24th, between the hours of 9 o’clock a- m., and | j 5 o’clock p. m., of said day, at the court | , on January Butler, in Bates county, Missouri, sell } said real estate above described at public | vendue for cash in hand, to*the highest bidder to satisfy the indebtedness afore- said and the costs of executing this trust. | J. T. SMITH, Trustee. | Order of Publication. State of Mis County ot Ba Court ber te , de dSonis *, deceased. or de bonis | 2 William D. j deceased, presents to the Court | tion, praying for an order for the | le of so much Of the real estate of said | deceased as will pay and satisfy the re- the | ty of the church. men ventured out to reconnoiter y in the vic end—the found Jones in tt top of a bom nd Hardiack astraadle of a! i onds v was | saplin’. They cut the balloons lose } j heard for pen | trom Jones. and soon they were lost j nor scene }to mortal sight. They went to; [tn fo ¢ church. The | Hardtack and amed to get him from i; s '—chrldren yelled. | astraddle of that saplin’, but just as } | Some yellec the end of the | they got him loose, his suspenders }{ j World was cor d that the dev- Ilardtack’s up, and ot collapsed j il had set it on hair was standin’ ‘he looked like x cholera. Pandemonium never presented a straight | more horrid s.ght than was now seen. The bugles sounded leng andloud— rockets were dartin’? tarough the heavens emitn’ bright scintillations! | The fire in the train of coal oil was a } gittin’ nearer and nearer—the bomb- shells bustin’ and thar fragments his- sin’ through the air with a terrific noise ; while the women sceramed— the children yelled; some a prayin’ and some 2 cussin’ at others tor bein aetna! i and Hardtack now shouted, Breth- | Ten, we are surrounded by fire, but! | see the Lord has left us a gap for our | exit—let us flee the wrath to come! Everybody broke for the {andt e system should have a thorqugh | cleansing, the stomach and bowels regu- | ated, blocd purified, and malarial poison | One white Z horn off, marked with underbit in right edy. | ©2F, no other marks or brands, apprais- in | ed at Sts, also one = re ? cach ear, appraised at $10. ; ¢Xterminated, she must know that Ele the world and only . ost § deoor— i by F. Re Pina broke, and inan instant his pants | were skinned off at his heels by the | balioons, and thev took an aerial! flight with Hardtack’s pants a dang- | lin’ to them. Just at this time some women j came along, and Hard. broke hke a quarter hoss. He never preached another sarmont. Jones throwed up his callin’, and put outto California. | Thus I got even with old Hardtack | and rid the world of a great curse. Your humble servant, Soc. True to her Trust i j Too much cannot be said of the ever | faithtul wife and mother,, such fools. By this time e i berms! = = ~e the fire watching and earing for her dear ones, ad surrounded the house and the } never neglecting a single duty in their | blaze was twenty teet high. Jones | P¢half. when they are assaild by diseare tc Bitters are the only sure rem hey are the best and purest medicine i fty cents. Sold No. M. Crumley & Co. souri, on the 12th day ot December, 135. and posted before / j ot the peace for maining debts due by s id Estate, and | ve unpaid for want of sufficient assets, companied by the accounts, iists and | inventories required by law in such case; on examination w! “ is ‘rdered, | that all persons interested in the estate of said deceased, be notified that applica- <ion orgsaid has been made, and un- less the contrary be shown on or before the first day of the next term of this court, to be heid on the 2nd Monday of February next, an Order will be made | tor the sale of the whole, or so much of | the real estate of said deceased as will be | sufficient for the payment of said debts; | and it is turther ordered, that this notice | be published in some newspaper in this | State, tor tour, weeks betore the next | term ot this Court. State of Missouri, i County of Bates, J I, D. V. Brown, Judge and Ex-Officio, Clerk of the Probate Court, held in and tor said County, hereby Certify that the toregoing is a true copy of the original rder ot Publication therein referred to, as the same appears of records in. my ot- fice. -- . Witness my hand and Seal of L: said Court. Done at office ia - “Butler, Mo., this z9th day of ber, A.D. 1882. D.V. Brown. A Dec ; Judge and Ex-Officio Clerk ef Probate. Stray Notice. by W. L.. Shelton. living in Taken uf ywiiship, Bates county, Mis- Walnut tow B. Woods a justice New Home t roan cow 7 years old, yearold heiter, red an, white on back and belly, split in 3 3t- LOUIS HOFFMAN North Main Street, pays cash tor Hides Furs | Pelts, - Tallow, - Beeswax, Feathers, Rags and old Iron. SPOT CASH, And Don’t You For Get Lyons & Noli (North Main St.) Two Doors South of The POSTOFFICE —Dealers in— GROCERIES BARDWARE —AND— QUEENSWARE BUTLER, MO. no tt Plain English: ase, Jone Sah, 12 tei weed the Pastiies as e box moot and sane tut time (Oot wrien Utraly hope that many 4 gat tay yon havo 0 epecifie fer 1.2 028 Or old man Cr staal a card to tre : with nervons cr Dhyy oe scaled circular i sddreee on postal FREE! RELIBLE SELF-CURE, A, favorite prescription vf one cf the Most not-d and successful tialists in the U.S, {now retired) tor theenre Demat Lost Hunheod, Weaknenasia Droay. segs in plain seal a envelope free. Droxgistscaa fill dices 52. WARD & CO . Loxisiana. Ma. (ne Rm. KS BEFORE — AND — AFTER Electric Appliances are sent 01 30 Days’ Trial, 18 MEN ONLY, YCUNS OR GLO, WY Fo .2re guttering from Nenvovs Dest: host cK OF grandest discovery Send at once for Jilust: —TtHz— Desring Twine Binder is now made for the fourth year and has a recer unqualified success. uiade and has been lion whiie compet- hines have been cr two seasons are advertised + time. uexpensive cord, «very bundle and en ? DRAUGHT. ‘CABLE AND BEST > MACHINE in the who buys ile Dezrise ciris every chance of trou- in the harvest. LCTURED BY C. B. LEWIS, THE Boss Liveryman | t | | Has opened a INEW STABLE. | OPERA HOUSE, , 4 ¢ are New gi ‘His Bug | His Teams Fresh and Spirited and hischarges are reasonable. CALL AND SEE HIM. THE OLD BRICK LIVERY STABLE —on— North Main Street, | —is the place to get— 4 ‘ Good Buggies, and Teams. —The new Firm— HILL & WARREN, Know their business and will spayou pains to accommodate you i . _ Their Customers. When you want a neat high-toned out fitor a drive don’t fail to give them call. j a5-tt. ae | eauemp BY | Melarial i OP THE BLO@D. } A Cure. | Price, $1.00. { ® vex cats oF sit oxvsemTe gt Grocery, tiouse OF Cc. DENNEY at their well known and popular stand en the Last sie of the square, are leading the GROCERY TRADE tar” BUTLER. 1 Their stock 18s composed of Veed Flour qualiy of Staple and fancy Groceries, Glass, Queensware and Cetiers. THE: ARE AT LESS EXPENSE IN and the best Than any Louse in the eits, aj itherefore do not fear egmpetti pay liberal prices for Prod solicit ac sanee of (he ror e of their m + chetomers, Will gladly atteud t+ their 4 any and ail tises Goods deiiveres! tm th few promptiv. * Chas. Denev.