The evening world. Newspaper, December 27, 1922, Page 24

Evening By Bide Dudley Gopyright, 1922 (New York Bvening World) Preas Publishing Company HEY’RE changing gifts up our way, They're changing ev'rywhere And clerks are looking peevish, And kicking when they dare Old Santa made some errors, Of course, without intent, And so we're headed store-ward On changing things we're bent Dad's changed his Freach briar, It's traded for a flask To change her watch for earrings Is Sister Ellen's task, WALile Billy’s changed his air-gun For shiny rollerskates, And Nellie’s changed bons For sugar-covered dates new her bon- The postman’s changed his neck- tie, He's swapped it for a belt; The cook has changed her rubbers For slippers made of felt. Old Santa's saying nothing, And yet we'll bet the craze Will peeve him if the changers Don’t change their changing ways. OBSERVATIONS. Savage's Romance with Geneva Mitchell Built on Sand—Headline. Looked more like dough from our angle. Japanese girls have taken up piano playing. Flowery Kingdom ought to be thankful it’s not the saxophone. Des Moines Chief of Police will Photograph all drunks arrested Probably hold up a cocktail to make em smile. So far we have received only three Poems about poor old 1922 slinking! away and bright little 1923 arriving. So, Have Your Fun. Another year is almost through, I'm one year older; so are you Don't let the fact keep you awake, For gosh! What diffrence docs it make? The years will keep on rolling by, And you'll get older; so will I. What if they fect What if they crawl? Life's but a minute after all TELEPHONE LOVE. {What Has Gone Befor MRED Dingle and her Chinese maid on a tain leaving Hollywood. A ‘rob: ory tn the dink oar is frustrated and all in nee. The train jumps dulge in w the track and makes « society woman . Wonder how, Joe Drum trian? Now lot's with this very interesting narrat . As the train came to a stop, the engineer rushed back to the diner. “Who's got a hairpin?” he asked, in a flurry of excitement, “I want to repair the engine,” “Don't give him one, Abba,” said Mary Dingle. “I think he's @ trickste: The society lady stepped for- ward and bowed. “What if he is a trickster?” she demanded. “He can't get the darned engine to run, can he?” The robber had stood listen- ing, rather awed. However, he saw the time had come for him to speak up. “Let him get a hairpin out of the switch,” be said. Hector, the conductor, was yet to be heard. It had been years since he had spoken in public, but he did not hesitate. Holding up one hand, be remarked: “Silence!” How manly he looked—how austere! Mary was ontranced. Sbe could not remember when she had seep a@ railroad con- ductor one-balf es polite. The dining car waiter was anything but pleased at this sud- den turo tn affairs. His secret love for Abba Dabba shone from bis eyes. At that point the train's barber appeared. “Delays ate dandruff,” he said, it all seemed so absurd. 4 (To Be Continued.) - Rey NUTT’S DOPE. “Dear Dud,” writes Jefferson Shrewsbury Nutt from B; =», "1 a09.by.the papers t Aichays, Star of the film business, has decided to let a player named Fatima Arbuokles enter the mov- les and dence. | and the wite never heard of Fetima, but her name sounds Turkish. | and her the wife, not Fatima--under- wtend the Shakespeare Literary Glub of Les Angeles is kicking % Good || Poor, Idle Working Gal By Neal O'Hara 1998 ‘reas Pi York Fvening World), ing Company. ya hear large encomiums an tired Copyright ’ business man, Epic doggerels TB. M.'s burdens. Lyte rhapsodies on T. B. M.'s worries. Deathless limericks on T. B. M.'s Rut nobody yodela any an on Tired Married Woman, on T TY je snatch no rewards from poet laureates ‘They only keep kitchen fires burning while hubby wears down his rubber heels Don't pick wrong theory that husbands have cinch, They swest, fret and worry over pusaling details. But “Women and ehildren first’ ts v. TB. Mo's motto, Whenever there ie work to be done. When Tired Married Woman hoa yen to decorate her home, hubby jumps South on business trip to win outfit of golf cups for parlor mantel. It-is woman's job to plan; man’s (ask to prov ile. Ti BM: with does intensive dickering grogleggers, lopes uptown with large Western buyers and shingles midnight roof with bunches of supper checks. It is only in comparison with T. B. M.'s toil that good wife's job looks like the cow's cream. Her’ midnight supper is snack of onion sandwich off kitchen table after sprinkling the clothes, - Her beauty parlor is oil stove and curling tron, very adjacent to kitchen sink, Nickel percolator is family jewels and her opera is cracked record of Galli- Curet. Pretty soft! If she wants to do some reading, she has cook book and thermometer. ‘For refreshments, her bucket of suds is washtub. Her electric coupe is two-cylinder wring- er, Tired Married Woman's manigure set is scrubbing board. It polishes nails till they're blue in the sockets. To innocent od@oRer it seems like T. M. W. ia sitting i.ancsome. After nocturnal chore of putting cat out, ohe has uothiay to do except newt day's work. That Icads off with overture af 6 A. M., when. melodious alarm clock tinkles sextet from Bio Ben, She leaps tty lwemrHous trousseau of morning clothes. Gingham kimono from second act of ‘Madame Butter- fy.” Roudoir lid from Highth Ave- nue. Carpet slippers are Opus X-3218 from Smears-Sawbuck catalogue. Daily dowen of Tired Married Woman are somersaults ant fipflops of twelve griddle cakes she juggles for hudby’s breakfast. Those are very nimble calisthenics. And after that she takes vacuum cleaner out for a spin. T. B. M. im viotim of civilization’s Mace. He taxi tours to office in heliotrope cab. He leaps into confer- ence clinic of latest anecdotes. He speeds up production with split-sec- ond time clocks, He whirls out to lunch in glistening sseat. T. B, M.'s lunch is three or four light courses and extra course of eighteen holes in conversational golf, Tired Married Woman's lunch is slab of toast and brief mug of oolong from seoend-hand tea leaves. Her tolo-a- tete is Wrangle with Jesse James, the jee man. Lunch and after-dinner chinning cover fotty seconds fiat, While hubby is pulling and hauling in martes of trade, doing hoavy breast strokes in whirlpool of commerce and pumping perspiration in realms of finance, what is his butterfly mate doing? She is loafing life of Reilly dusting off instalment furniture, selecting daily quota of garbage, wrestling mat- tresses, smoothing sheets, cauterizing dog dites on kiddies’ thighs, scooping economic anthracite on lucurioua fire, wigwagging cobwebs off ceilings and walls, playing streight sets of tennis with carpet beater, keeping eye loose on those beans in oven, anewering wrong numbers and watering rubber plants. Or in bright lexicon of loafing, hae open plumbing cinch, about this new move. It seems to us that there is a good story in this thing. Now that Christmas is ever, | and her would have time & call on Mr. Aichays and get the veal dope on the matter, if you wanted us to. | know @ let about dancers and would prob- ably do most of the interviewing. 1 could step into the office and ‘Well, Mr, Aichays, what 1 might tell him a @ starter . No would welcome the nd, be- doubt he chance to spill the beans, lieve me, I'm some bean gatherer. You see, it weuld af! bs for wom amhood, becauee the ladigg who are kicking are leaders of the sox. When | my story, the wife would come in, emiling pleasantly, | { [JOE'S CAR ¢ |, WEDNESDAY, DECEMBER 27, 1922 ‘Trade Mark Reg. U 8. Pat. Off ' v Hey BEE, LISTEN — 5 wanra TELL You ABOUT A DREAM { HAD Last: NUGHT “AURRY, LUCE! | c'mon}!-— ‘BI WANNA “TAKE YOU Up TO" MAC'S" FOR A SWELL FEED! 4 BW-\ GOT A BETTER. PLACE THAN — THAT! I Kiow Mary sas NT eARdED THE MONEY FoR A Doe QuTs Trlad & cHance To Mek uP & Bl Tehis PuP cHEAP- ANY WAY I THINK MARY'S Mom AS “Too STRICT WITH “KATINKA GOSH! 1M IN AN AWFUL FIX! No MONEY, AND THE PAYMENTS ON “THAT. WATCH | GOT AT BIFFANYS FOR FRITZI IS WAY OVER DUE | “WEYVE “THREATENED “To TAKE IT BACK THREE aes) SCs oS. and get Mr. Aichays to discuss the question from the standpoint of @ woman's nature. if he's got 4 guiter io hie office, she might sing ‘Send Dudley to the Chair,’ just to make her visit more jolly. She sang it th r night in B-flat at the Sewing Circle, and I SAY SHE WoRE Tm TeUING = @ GREEN HAT You \T WAS Tie BeT YOu Yo THAT RED! Z A DOLLAR To PARTY 713 A QUARTER % "2 IT WAS eA i GREEN ! Me “ ‘y' __ a he 5 ; f DREAMED 1 WAS DRIVING OP “THE AVENUE tN Heavy TRAFFIC WHEN ALL OF A: SUDDEN TH’ Car HIT UP FuLt SPEED AN' I CouLDN'T STOP HER —— SAAN WHAT D'YA MEAN ‘Trade OH, SHE WENT DOWN To BIFFANYS "W PRICE THE WATCH TED GAVE HER Mark Reg. U SEE HERE, KAlinKa— || DONT LET Me CATCH You BETTING AGAIN! | DON'T You Know THAT BETTING MONEY IS GAMBLING, AN’ No ONE HAS ANY USE For GAMBLERS ? “AM' FROM EVERY CoRNER FOR FIFTY Broeks came A motor CoP AFTER Me! SusT As THEY ALL Cael? ME. * World Comics ; “Good Morning, Judge!” 1 WELL, ONLY ONE oF Tem CAuGutT ME Ths AFTERNOON, AND (T WASN'T ANY DREAM, E\THEe |} 7 GET CHICKEN, CHOPS. STEAK, CORN BEEF 8. Pat. ofr, leaTs AND Such LAMB, THE SCORE: EARHED WIDE DISHES, MAKIN BEDS ~ ERRANDS, ETc-5™w S65 2 Bi KICKING ow GONG Te BED, BENG SAssy-ETe RESUET ri 1% — CON TINUB TS MORROW Boo!Hoo! | HAVE THE DARNDEST Luck, (| (SMF F -SNIFF-) oD HEAVENS! WHATS THE MATTER 2 WAS THE WATSH CHEAP? “THE. WATCH WAS ALLRIGHT BUT— THEY “Took (T -AWAY FROM ME \ applauded with great gusto, wonderful girl, but that reminds me—! need $11 to buy her a New Year's gift. Ad- vance me that much, old top, One of the cats here at the house nd ran up Unole citement, but could learn noth- ing.—Jeff."” AND NOW PERMIT US To inform you we found a pocketbook on Broadway Christ- mas Day. Yes, !t was empty. } ‘ SLIGHTLY MIX&D WO great and dear friends ind 4p met after a football match. They had dined together, they had wined together, and they lingered longer together, and far past the hour ‘when the world seemed to have closed ite eyes and put out the lights tn ils windows and to have Semgettem al) i - HUGo- SOME OF YouR CLUB BoYs SusT DROPPED (IT'LL See Your . Five DaLLaRs { AN’ RAISE You Ten More! To HAVE COMPANY ! about them, and then they returned to the garage for the car which one of them owned ‘The car was driven from the sarees after the garage owner had liad one or two frights. Our two friends wers country lanes. ‘All need for, caution was now at an end, and the car "5 let out to a faster speed. Rut at last one of the friends get perturbed “Be careful—hic!—Mac, how you're perfectly calm, but the garage man/driving! You'll have us in a ditch!" was certainly perturbed, “Me? I thought—hie!—that you At last they left the outskirts of] swers. the town and proceeded down the! hic!—were driving!’'—London An« A «