The evening world. Newspaper, December 5, 1922, Page 32

Every Day a Real Laus Evening By Bide Dudley Copyright, 1922 (New Tork Evening World) by Press Publishing Co. ad BR SIR,” writes Ellabelle Mae Doolittle, the noted poetess of Delhi, “I hope you will honor your local fire boys by printing my new poem, entitled ‘Fire Laddies Par Excellence.’ inclosing it. Tam Does your tooth still hurt you?” No, Miss Doolittle; we had it pulled, How's your earache? The]. peem follows: The Vire Department excites me, My blood is all a’tingle, _ Even a dog that bites ime Is not as exciting to mingle, The men are brave in uniform, And the fire must be quenched, Their caps their heads do adorn, Even if they do get drenched My sister's child, Teeney Ricketts, Chopped the fence with a hatchet, Oh, Teeney—now you done it! Believe me, you're going to catch it, But, as I was saying about fire- men— They are my favorite heroes, They’ are really never-get-tired men, Cheerio, boys—cheerio! OBSERVATIONS. A big ball is to be given to aid the poor on Long Island. Guess we'll move over. The Mapbasset Mothers’ Club will hold a cake ebicken diov sale, If it were a , would it be a Chick Bale? Germany is trying hard to get back into our good graces, They've begun beating up Prohibition advo- cates over there. Husbands are wanted for the ladies of the ex-Sultan’s numbering 150. They'll not get them from America without a strug gle, will they, girls? harem, The Hard-Hearted Rich. Ragged Ove—I'm starving. you help me? Wealthy Columnist--Not on your fife. I'll help nobody starve Will In Greece. J wouldn't care to live in Greece, Where troubles never seem to cease, ¥ fear they'd shoot me with a gun, And I don’t like that sort of fun. TELEPHONE LOVE. That matter baying been at- tended to, Mary Dingle, not wish- ing to give herself away as a switchboard operator, turned from the cave and dug out. The hing of the Bootleggers could not be fooled, however. He knew by her ears that she had done much telephone operating. “Central!” he said. Tnstinctively, Mary turned. “Ab, my little terminal!” “Just what do you mean, you fresh thing?” snapped Mary. “My grand central!” Mary just bad to laugh. Im- agine a witty bootlogger! She decided to get even. “Ask me if I am a Ku Klux,” she commanded, The King of the Bootleggers Dingle vas in a playful mood. Doing a Ted Shawn about a tree, he ed and said u Klux?” “No,” replied Mary, beginning to laugh already, “Klux and suits.” ‘The King frowned. “I'll bet that’s a New York joke,” he said, “Aw, you silly—'tis not!” Thus did Mary tell bim it was not. At that moment they heard a heavy noise. “Don't worry,” said the King it is the dew falling.” Mary drew ber automatic and shot him seyen times. “Now,” snarled bi e@peak to you again!” Just then a book agent arrived. (To Be Continued.) “rll never NUIT’S DOPE, “Dear Dud,” writes Vefferson Shrewsbury Nutt from Bogash, TUESDAY, DECEMBER 5, 1922 » JOE’S CAR ‘Trade Mark Reg. U. 8. Pat. Off. Pride Goeth Before a Fall! RAR { I's NICE Figure Le You'RE GETTIN" away with SUMP'N LIKE “Thay —— NWe NOTICED “HaT THE VERY MINUTE A FELLA ARRIVES AT “THE CONCLUSION “HAT HE KNOWS pis ALL , HE'S DUE FOR AN AWFUL \ JOLT FROM OL! LADY EXPERIENCE! T SLIP THAT CoP A BERRY TO LeT ME PARK MY CAR IN A HANDY PLACE ALL DAY AN! UCTHINK (M @LEVER — THEN come out AN' Emp You've. L PARKED ALONGSIDE OF A MUD PubdbLe.’ AN’ EVERY Gar IN Taw HAS KICKED! A’ GOB OF ‘SMEAR ON YouR BoAT, ' TRICKY WIFE. @ Woman across the hall urtiment house wherein 4 . Smith lives given to seeking the latter's advice and views touching various matters, particu larly those per ining life “roam marvelli this ne to mar oh husba r For in when you your ready ¥ method. is ver Mrs, Smith. “When F sec that T am not going to be ready in time I simply hide of my husband's necessary clothes and let him hunt for them Philadelphia Ledger. imple, LET WIFE DO iT. EORGE ADE, at a dinner in Chicago, championed early mar- riage. “GREAT! HE NEVER WHY IF HE ACTED SeTIER ih NEVER ACTED Widget Ws LiFe — BU i IN HIS LIFE — HOW Stow went BUST \ Wad (T THE SHOW : FAILED ? WELL - How ~ DID YOuR FRIEND MR. HAM" Do IN, HIS NEW PLAY P “But I don't champion,’ he said, “such — peep-o'-day Henry Lytton, the went in for. marriages | 43 great dramatist, “Lytton, when he was sixteen years old, played truant from schoo) and got married iv Louise 0. even younger than himself. “In the evening of the wedding day, when Lytton returned to his studies, the head master rolled back his cuffs, chose a good limber cane and pro- ‘ceeded to visit condign punishment on the truant. ‘Hold on!’ young Lytton roared. *You can't thrash me like this! Do you know what you're doing? You're thrashing a married man!' ''—Los Angeles Times, LOVER OF HORSES. AM, an old Negro, was always managed to sup One Time’s as Good as Another ! TIA S0@ay MARY, Bot. THe MAPLE poor, but he Paes ) ati on Tm oner port a bony hor d keep it id oh, Ae Y 4 a a ee aay alive + WOHEe YUP 1S ALL rs THe f Re Nor WELLT RIGHT AFTER l . ale ODL Gs: 1, and asa re b Sone > S AWrancot® ba dea nelle 3 - You, Just Pouring el iS bie a lite Tis’ ave .73 with ONLY | Wet TUN OVER Bi ied Ran carts | food and money EAT MY Canes Just ®Buiree OF eyeuP - GET THis | WIT ONLY Tus, BuTTee. from other pl peo- { AND GET & CaN ways, ‘That theah ob mine like ah buy so much hay fo’ him that ah nevah has no money f' to buy maself an'thing to eat, But, Sam, why do you need to the horse, then?” To haul the hay, ton and Jefferson Wag Washing AN EARNEST PRAYER. {UNDER storms have been I rather frequent here this sum- \ mer. JUST WAIT AND SEE THATS ALLYIM GETTIN’ SICK AND “RED OF HAVING TED NICHOLS PUT IT ALL OVER ME} ABOUT “Wo WEEKS FROM TODAY HE‘LL GET WHATS COMIN’ To HIME ry 50 You want To TAKE! YES) THERE'S ONE UP BOXING ,MR. BONDS 23/'GUY | WANT To KNOCK, alk ies NOW. To BEGIN WITH----THERE ARE. ONE THOUSAND Blows iN BOXING! ON HIS EAR IF UT TAKES \S 1S THE FIRST ONE! THIS. : NE} During one particularly severe storm, while the thunder was rolling, Jimmy, eight years old, became rather annoying to his four-year-old brother. An unusually loud clap tinally drove Jimmy away from teasing Bill “What is the thunder for?"’ asked the four-year-old. The father, thinking to drive home a lesson in conduct, said: “It is to make bad boys be good.'’ Jimmy looked properly squelched. Then the storm cleared up. Small Bill, formerly much subdued, got his courage back, and began to teaze the penitent James. At last the older boy could stand the annoyance no longer. He walked ver to the window. ‘Lord, send some more thunder,” he said, earnestly,—-Washington Star A his office. NEVER MIND THE OTHER NINE HUNDRED, AND NINETY-NINE ¢ KATINKA AIN'T HE G-R-A-N-D ! NEW prison chaplain had just been appointed. He had big KATINKA'S FELLOW SusT LEFT! WF THAT PAIR x Taik THEY'RC Gonna | |THEY ST THERE USE THY PARLOR coucH | | PLANNING THe For ‘Mush PARTIES". | TM GONNA FIND OUT RIGHT NOW WHAT KEEPS HIM |HERE ‘TLE TweLve \EVERY NIGHT ! u LOOK HERE, KATINKA — JHAT GUY FERDIE COMES AROUND HERE Too OFTEN! WHAT ARE His Y'ste - ER- HE KEEPs ME -ER- SO MUCH IN HUGO — I S'Pose ideas as to tho importance of first round of During his inspection he en tered one of the ahi eRe THeyve Got (—— INTENTIONS ? very pompous ANOTHER. manner, sald to *L Guess the prisoner who COMING oceupied it “Well, my man, do you know who Tam? o, and I don't — care came the non chalant reply “Well, I'm your new chaplain,” “Oh, you are?’ said the man, "1 inquired the in, forgetting dignity in hi curiosity “Well, I heard that the lust two churches y in you preached them both « but 1 don’t think you'll find it such an do the same thing h asy matter to 0., “I and the wife see that El- know Julian will collect port fine. tinge is slated to be Collector of If | arid the wife do decide to see the Port in New York, | and her him for you, we'll be down next both know Jutian we week. Ill interview him first. "Il may run down and interviewesim probably say: ‘Well, Julian, so for you. Not being @ dry, we you got into politios at last, eh? wife will come in and crack a little joke, maybe, about if men wear women's skirts, moat likely the women are going to steal their pante—the men’s pants, | f After that, she would elng need $11. Send it along, will you? The wife's uncle, old Cyrus Bone, stepped out of the bathtub last night right onto the family cat, Muoh excitement, but could learn nothing.— Jeff.” Well, | always did think you was too bow-legged to act the female impersonation. What you got to say for yourself?” Then he'll tell me all about it, because | know his cousin well. After that the ‘Send Dudley to the Chair,” with aukelele, Julian likes musio, and the wife certainly oan sing that song when her throat ie in har>. mony. By the way, | want to bub. her a mandolin for Christmas and AND NOW PERMIT US To suggest that many women g0 to church to eye the clothe: while many men go there to close the eye. mean.