The evening world. Newspaper, December 2, 1922, Page 15

a . The Partners Agreed That Women Do Have Souls and Also That Something Is Wrong With Am- bassador Harvey. - At Least They Think ' They Could Have Made the Speech Less Disturbing to the Republican Ad- ministration and Its Prospects. By Montague Glass. “J SEE in the papers Ambassador Harvey made an after-dinner speech in London the other day where he said that women aint got no souls,” Abe Pot- ash remarked the other morn- ing. “That feller must overeat or something,” Morris Perlmut- where ter observed, always because he is breaks in after-dinner speeches “TL think as you do, that it must be a form of ind tion, which when Ambassador making Mawruss, that made the chances ts Harvey THE EVENING WORLD'S Mo WOMEN’S SOULS AND AMBASSADOR’S BRAINS Brigadier General Sawyer “or I should be President Harding 1 would get dor Harvey on a strict diet where he is forbidden to speak after eating or to eat be- fore speaking; otherwise he is apt of the Republican Party with his teeth.” “The time is now past when speaker could get up and say: *T He might just so well say: * od bless them,’ or "To the street car Because ladies is not feapaths and conductors, but would be just as surprised as osteopaths and conductors would be if they found themselves heing specially honored bless them ostcopaths, conductors, God bless them, only by having toasts propused to them “It used to was the law that if a woman com- mitted a crime in the presence of was guilty and she wasn't; Lut nowadays the jury after-dinner America going into the war to save her own skin and not to help Eu- rope, v'understand, he had eaten something like gefullte Miltz or eingemachte herring or something and it had gone back on him,” Abe that speech about said, “because you know how itis with you and me, Mawruss. Most of our big fights happens in the alternoons, and | often pass up a lot gf rotten insults you hand me because | know it ain't so much you that is talking as Wasser- bauer’s regular seventy-five cent. luncheon.” os?" Morris said. ‘Well, you shouldn't do me no favors, Mawruss. Any time I insult you, y'understand, you can lay it to my indigestion if that gives you any satisfaction, under- tand me, but if I would act the way you act, Abe, I would forgive you for naulting me even if T knew you had caten nothing harder on the digestion than a pepsin and soda mint tablet, which the last time I insulted you on account of balling up B, Gans's order, KIDDIE KLUB KORNER SATURDAY SPECIAL FEATURE Copyright, 1922 (New York Evening World) by Preas Publishing Company Around the World and CHAPTER XXXV. LICE drew the cretonne cur tains across the bookshelves to hide the tempting titles of her favorite books. “[t's so good to be at home," she aid, “that I don’t want even to see that restless sea of books." “I am happy to know that," said her Mumsie, who had overheard “My own children have been awn much in their make-believe trav that they haven't had time for their Mumasle at all. “Oh, that's not a0," cried Alle flinging her arms about her mother, and Jamie, too, denied the charg “Anyway, we're to bo stay-at- homes all the rest of this year,"’ he volunteered, ‘‘and we won't think of @ thing other than Mother and Daddy in all that time.”* “and Santa," his mother added. “Ob, well, of course,’ Jamic thought that was to be understood. “Mumsle, dear, I have something to tell Jamie; will you excuse us?" begged Alice. With Mumsic'’s consent @ whispered conversation followed, which ended !n Alice announcing that she and Jamie wished to send tet grams, ‘We would tell you more about this, Mumsie, but it's a secret,"* she apologized. At the telegraph office many people were writing out messages, greetings, Orders, congratulations and business communications on yellow blanks and giviag them to the clerks to send over the wire. It was their first visit to ® place of this sort, and Alice and Jamis were so busily interested in the What Alice Found working of the telegraph they almost forgot their own errand. “What happens to the messages after they have been given over tho telephone?” ‘*What Is the clerk say ing “Is she talking in code’ These were a few of the questions Alice and Jamle asked in such rapid sion that it was almost impos- to answer them, Jamle himselt discovered that the girl at the tete phone was not talking in code. He found that she first pronounced the word and then spelled it out and seemed to do it all in one breath, like this, ‘‘many-m-a-n-y happy-h-a p-y returns-r-e-t-u-r-n-s."" The man 1 the heavy brown overcoat waa nding congratulations to some one, but he very much as if he would rather have been at their des- tination, giving the greeting in per- looked After a dozen more questions had been asked and answered, the children had lea much that they wished to know about the telegraph. ir Mumsie explained that there were two insulated wires that connected the telegraph stations; that messages are sent in a code of dots and dashes called the Morse Codo after Prof Morse, the inventor, and that these communications can be automatically relayed half way round the world “Can we send a telegram across water?” “Not across the ocean, you must send a cablogram “What {s the difference between cabling and telegraphing?" Jamio was eager to know, “Only that cable wires are incased fn @ great tube that ts flung across For that to put Ambassa- | her.” call her so born and raised in to dig the grave an after-dinner o the ladies, God o the “Ii Ambassador that no Is was that asa clase” have no hearts or her husband, he |bands don't differ y'understand, I had for my lunch only @ glass of malted milk."’ “Well, you must have eaten it with a medicine dropper,"’ Abe retort- ed, “because you spent an hour and a half over your lunch that day the, same like every other day in the past five years.” “Which if T should be President Harding, Mawruss,"" Abe continued after the smoke of battle had cleared, “IT would get Dr, Brig. Gen. Sawyer to pul Ambassador Harvey on a strict diet where he {s forbidden either to speak after eating or eat before speak- ing, otherwise he is apt to dig the grave of the Republican Party with his teeth, the way he is going round killing the soldier vote and the wom- en's vote with after-dinner speeches.” “The chances is that Ambassador Harvey meant it to be a comical after- dinner speech, Abe,’' Morris sald, ‘WOMEN COMPETING IN BUYING, VOTING AND MURDERING. “Then the next time he wants tov get funny in an after-dinner speecty he should ought to stick to such comi- cal stuff as there was once two Irish- men named Pat and Mike, Mawruss,?’ Abe said, ‘because people know in Contributions Poem by Kiddie Klub Contributor SPECKLE’S THANKSGIVING, ‘Twas early tn the morning Of the glad Thanksgiving Day, And the people on grandpa’s farm Were joyous, blithe and gay, Vor the dinner was preparing And the folks from out of town Were hastening home to help us cat The turkey ortsp and brown. We children were exploring The red-roofed barn for eggs And climbing up to the rayters With no fear of broken legs, For the boys were bold and daring And the girls were tom-boya, too; The hens looked on, in wild amaze, And round about us flew. Said our youngest pet and darling, “I’m a0 glad I’m not @ hen, For they don’t have a thankful day Nor dinners, nor’—just then Up rose our gray old Speckle rom her hidden nest nearby And passed us with @ merry cluck And crested head on high While close behind her followed The darlings hatched that day. Twelve Dainty, Downy, fluffy chicks, Some yellow and some gray, “Cluck, cluck,’’ satd Mistress Speckle, “Here's one thankful hen, you see— “Who says that this is not a glad ‘Thanksgiving Day for mer” By Mildred A. Barry, age 18, Bronx. wouldn't even blame the husband for not stopping “Up to quite recently a married woman couldu't her own, to the extent that if she was the Uniled States and married # German she just naturally, hed his (her husband's) German soul and therefore became a German.” Harvey ‘wanted any argume sto | show that women ain't gots sonls, he might even say of the reasons why ke thought women had they vested just the same as men, because the way men vots you would think the ma- jority not only didn't have no souls but al o didn't consciences, “Whether they have ro souls or not, most women has got a pretty good idpa that their neighbors’ hus- enough from their own husbands to make a swop worth grhile.” a advemce that such remarks are in- tenfed to be funny and will some- times take a chance and laugh at them even when the laugh ain't there, y'understand, especially when an Anf- baasador 1s talking “On the other hand, Mawruss, wien Ambassador Harvey gets off a speech about ladies having no souls, Mawruss, who is to know that he is nit in dead earnest on account of once bing disappointed in love or a cleric 2 a department store with experience c@ how soine ladies will order gar- ments sent home on approval and then return them with nudel soup spilt down the front length.” “It don't make no difference what Mr. Harvey's experience with Indies has been, Abe,’ Morris declared. “It's too late in the game for either him or anybody else to try to make out that women is inferior to men by claiming that they ain't got no souls “Women nowadays is competing with men in practically all fields, In the United § women is doing 60 per cent. of the buying, 20 per cent. of the murders, 40 per cent. of the vot- ing, 1-10th of 1 per cent. of the flying and practically 100 per cent. of the stenography and bookkeeping. Duck Shooting—A Christmas Game “Duck Shooting."’ Fach player uses one counter A button, tiddely-wink or a bit of cardboard will serve as a counter, Begin at space marked “Start.' ‘Throw the die (one of a pair of dice) and proceed on a straight line as many spaces as indicated on the die, continuing along outer edge to space marked No. 2. The player must rest on spaces marked 2, 3 and 4 in suc cession, If counter stops at the circle before 2, 3 or 4, the player must throw one before he or she may proceed. After the player has touched the spaces 2, 3 and 4, 1f the number thrown lands his counter on a duck, the player may advance either sideways or forward (not backward) on to another duck, put the number must count directly onto the duck space on which you wish to land, Otherwise you are not permitted to deviate from the given course, which 1s first around the out side square, then around the one in T™ or more persons may play side that and so on until you come to the space marked FINISH. On» player is scorekeeper. ‘The winner is the one who arr’ home with the greatest number of ducks. HOW TO JOIN THE KLUB, CUT OUT THIS COUPON, Beginning with y number, eut out with’ note which you must ‘give your NAME, AGE and ADDRESS. Pleane be careful t only the elty in mn borough also to mention i you live, but t All chil to sixteon years of ago may become members, Buch member ix Dresented with & wilver gray Klub Pin and niemberslip certificat COUPON 1, oceans under water. Where do they go to?" ish cable comes the surface of the from repeated Jamie, "The 3 friends there," We will never said Mumste locked by eusure Islan out until-—-we perhaps, you ind the gent tween the 1! ant ts not coming Christmas morning, may renew your ac Pirate “he js overs of quaintance, But until then you are not to do any more make-be Heve travell but instead, some real sights your own'city, It 18 just as wonderful, in some ways more so, than any place on earth," Mumste nded them We this message of ours must an ¢ n,"' Alice admitted. “Which ocean?" Mumale asked "The Arctic Ocean," said Alice. “Now you've told it all!’ Jamie was angry “No, I haven't," Alice Have I, Mumsie? I have: yho the mossuse Im to,!? “'No,"? amiled her mother, ‘though Ithink Tcan guess, Bot there are no cables to the North Pole, you know,’ flared. ‘t sald The children were disappointed. “And even if there were, how can you | sure to find Santa at home at time? He right now, attendir 3 toymakers in shops and wor) s probabl big: cities rooms." At the thought of this tears came to Alice's eyes going to be too late to tell what to put in the four stocking fyont of our fireplace “Why not s it suggested, and t adio?"* Mums why they had thought of themselves “Bully!"" Jamie; ‘we w broadcast it. Then no matter w Santa is, he'll get it."* The children found the broaden machine surprisingly simple, It ¥ hard to believe that this small instru ment sent out the voices of singe lecturers and story tellers and t muste of bands and orc? thousands of listening radio fans i looked just as you see tt in the p! ture where Alice is wh! ering | sworet wishes to Banta as if she we talking into his own frosty, pin): ¢ with Jamie awaiting Ade turn to tulk to Bt, Nick as tot hildren wondered THE EVENING WORLD, SATURDAY, DECEMBER 2, 1922. “The time is now past, Abe Walter donner spea. eoule and say: “fo the God them, He might just so well say: To 1 opatis, God t them t!* or, stre eonduetor Gow t then? | s ladies Is no! on opaths and street cur eon ductors nowadays but seme of then would just an 5 dw Le COMAIELOPS OF 4 ithe would if they found themselves being esp cially honored by having toasts pre posed to ' class at din and tinelieon “Woll, as a matter of fact, Mawruss they don't have toasts at Innel nd dinners po more,” Abe Sure T know," Morris said. ‘that to » lw went out a tin re to the President of the t te at rd other tonst In fact that old toast of ‘To the Ladies’ went out long before the Kighteenth Amendment came in. It started to go out along about the time when women discovered that they not only had souls, y'understand, but that their wouls was just as tough and hard working—not to say overworked—as men's souls. “Why, Abe, it used to was the law that if # woman committed a erin in the presence of her husband, on act count of her not being able to call her soul her own, he was guilty and she wasn't, because {t was presumed that he compelled her to do It, but nowa days if a woman committed « crime in the presence of her husband, the Jury wouldn't even blame the husband for not stopping her. They would know that a married man nowadays has « swell chance of stopping his wife from doing anything once she’s made up her mind to do it!"* IF GALLI-CURC] MARRIED JOHN M'CORMACK. “Tt must have been a big ady to worten in the old days law agreed with Amba that women had no souls,’” ntag when the Harvey Abe ob served “Well, they could get away wit murder on that basts,"" Morris con tinued, “but at the same time it hud its disadvantages too, Up to auite 1 cently when in this country {t was the law that a married woman couldn't call her soul her own to the xtent that if she was born raised in the United St and mar ried a German, she just naturally had her husband's German soul and th fore became a German.” “On that plan, Mawruss, they <—_—_Y* eS ) © # oO. VEN “Well, it each ot La not marriages ain't “WOMEN IS DOING FIFTY PEP CENT. OF THE BUYING, TWENTY PER CENT. OF THE MURDERS, FORTY PER CENT. OF THE VOTING.” as well figure Curel that if the husband does the married John the family singing for ‘ormack, she would become a "But women don't put ain't t Abe suggested soul into voting as they do into si ain't so ridiculous as it im. Mawruss,’? Abe protested Ambassador Harve: arguments to show th res ct, if because if a soprano ma yunderstand, while she don’t ony become a tenor also, their din't got souls, he might s is hound to be affected by the one of the reasons why he they will have on aceount of women had no souls w them being singers and not voted just ¢ ame as men, the way yun would think that the not only didn’t he didn’t hay Mawruss men vote, hor one si “Which to criticise the way the ¢ " Morris: said when souls and tt sstion to my mind whether where do you r arts ar ¢ me way no hy Otherwise, account for the happier voting yen any tht s that tand, majority of them Marwuss, election people like Mayor Hylan of New Yee hay apAon of Chicage®” Ambussudor Harvey seemed te ®ae principally the argument that womemt Mdn't have souls beenuse in. the Commandments it says a mam not covet his neighbor's wife, eas it don't say nothing about & woman coveting her neighbor's Ns hand,”” Mor nie. “Mayhe M s didn't think It ?am nee ary.” At ren dd, “whieh whether they have souls or not, Maw Mins, Mot women has got a. pretty their neighbor's Wis enough from thetr s to make a swop ewortty hundred per nuises over sing like the \ going down the Mawruss, mar enough sense to realize that if own hushands seatter cig shes all around the rug and can't shave in the morning with- out spraying the mirror over the wash basin with us much shaving soap they put on their face, y’understand, {t's a thousand to one shot that thoir neighbors’ husbands will do the ‘self same thing,”” “still, Abe, granting all you “sty, Ambassador Harvey should ought have remembered that he is a Reptib lcan Ambassador appointed by a Fe publican Administration, and then h ight have won a few votes for lils ty by claiming that tt was Demo cratic women who didn't hav soujs,"" Morris sald. VAUDEVILLIAN TALKED LIKE THAT I think myself that whatever am tail end waste pipe, and ried women has iF A ador Harvey sald, y'understai! ain't an argument that women have have not souls, but just another argument that dinners shouldn't bay r-dinner speaker Abe «i red, “whieh in) my wruss, if the worst vaudevillesmoti ologist was bad as the t after-ity n r. yfunderstand, he would two weeks inothe expertens ape: out of a That's one of the ideus from Arm! Harvey's ut 1 got vnsaclon nflerstin ner speaking, Abe,’ Morris said. The other ix that a Republican Amitassis dor should always talk in publi though there was reporters present from a Democratic newst “And v clude! (Copyright versa,’ Abe CONDUCTED BY ELEANOR SCHORER By Frank P. Flynn Hy