The evening world. Newspaper, November 25, 1922, Page 15

a The Partners Would Make Thanksgiving Proclamations More Snappy and Pointed to Create Greater In- terest. Likewise They Would Prefer to Have Frankness Rule in the Matter of Selec- _tion of Reasons for Thanks. By Montague Glass. 6&6 ELL, Mawruss, | see in the paper this morning where President Harding has handed down a proclamation igain, and this ime Mr. Daugh- erty didn't have rgthing to do vith it, neither,” Abe Potash re- narked one morning last week “Then the chances is that some- body will get out an injunction against it in the Federal courts,” Morris Perlmutter said “1 don't think so,’ Abe replied “because the same kind of proclamation United States Presi- levits has been handing down in November ever since | landed in the country, and so far as I have heard, Mawruss, them proclama- THE EVENING WORLD'S CHAPTER XXXIV THE TRAVELLERS WISH THEM SELVES HOME S Thanksgiving Day came apace, Alice and Jamie began to wish themselves home. ‘To - ‘ be sure, they were homeward-bound. but had chosen to take a long course, all the way down the west coasts of } North and South America, around Cape Horn and up the cast o the two countries to their New York, Dearly as they travel, the children found it a lonely pleasure at the holiday season, They pletured their own home, © and pretty, with the summer slip covers all off the furniture, with fires burn ing in the grates that had been filled Th 3} nieres of garden fiowel when the children started on their voy ago in the Good Ship Makebelioy They saw o long table as it had bees each Thansgiving Day, eet wii places for Ann, Billy and May and a doren other cousins, aunts and uncles, The eats that on ordinary days were Mother's and dad's were occupied by grandmamm, and = grandpapa on Thankegiving, At home festivals like seem io occur to our Presidents, would be that practically one hundred per cent, of the people who run into debt get that way from not being thankful for what they've got.” “Ii the people of the United States decided that they had a whole lot to be thankful for in the matter of clothes and complexions and the kind of hus+ bands and wives they are married to, there would he an organized campaign on the part of the cloth. ing dealers, complexion specialists and divorce lawyers to abolish Thanksgiving Day altogether.” “If Russia back in 1917 would have had a Thanks- giving Day instead of a revolution, no matter how little them poor Russians had to be thankful for at ON THINGS TO BE THANKFUL FOR ail Ie: chief reason for being thankful on| that time, y*understand, they would have had a whole Thanksgiving Day, which don't never] lot more to be thankful for to-day yet.” “Take being bald, for instance, and 1 admit you haven't any particular reason to give a thanks of- fering, because you ain't got no more protection from the cold above the eyebrows than a Follies girl has below the waist, yunderstand, but at the same time a toupee would look as well on you as woolen stockings would on her.” “For instance, I bought a pair of twenty-dollar banion shoes, and after wearing them only one eve- ning I am willing to proclaim that anybody who couldn't afford to buy them has got plenty to be thankful for, even if he ain't got a pair of shoes to his feet.” Thanksgiving Day which don’t never seem to occur to our Presidents, Abe," Morris sald, ‘and the chief one would be that practically 100 per cent. of the people who run into debt get that way from not being thankful for what they've got.” “Then you might be up against the proposition of having newspapers re- fusing to print your Thanksgiving proclamation upon the grounds of of- fending advertisers, Mawruss, because if it wouldn't be for people not being thankful with what they've got, y’un- derstand, half the beauty parlors, fur- niture stores and dry goods merchants Would go out of business,"’ Abe de- tions always went through without much opposition except from a few chronié kickers who didn’t see what they had to be thanful for.” “For my part, Abe, 1 don’t under- stand why Presidents wastes thelr time year after r writing out Thanksgiving prociamations,” Moris observed. "They always say the same thing in them proclamations, such ag that we should ought to he thankful on account of the harvests and so forth, and if one-tenth of 1 per cent. of the people which reads newspapers pays any more attention to a Thanksgiving proclamation than they do to a notice of a foreclosure cterod, sale in the advertising section, «rae our own business, Mawruss, yiunderstand, that would be bIS and if President Harding would say already. to the women of the country that they “I suppose, Mawruss, if YOu WAS gould ought to be thankful for the President, you would jazz up that fall and winter dress modols of 1921- Thanksgiving proclamation so that 22 with the skirts coming midway be- tween the knee and the ankle, and in pavple would Teush theneclves sick ome cases not even that far, y’un- over it or something. What?'' Abe derstand, you and me would be atuck said with a whole lot of 1922-23 garments in the latest designs where the skirts reaches to the tops of the shoes, y'un- derstand. “In fact, Mawruss, If the peoplo of the United States took Thanksgiving TOO MUCH THANKS WOULD HURT BUSINESS. “Well, I would anyhow give a cou- ple of reasons for being thankful on KIDDIE KLUB KORNER SATURDAY SPECIAL FEATURE ‘Copyright, 1923 (New York Evening World) by Press Publishing Co. Around the World and What Alice Found \ WW) jy e id MN) a the children’s mother and dad But all the jeers and the taunts thet this io children again, and grand- tly Pirate could think of would not mother and granddad seemed the only change Alice's mind. The Canadton eully grown-up people. Thanksgiving Day had passed almost ‘I want so much to go home," said 2 month back. They had feasted and Alice, and Jamie admitted that he did frolicked and had a mighty bully time, too Alice and James did not deny that, but Now, when you are a-sail on a ses it was not like belng at home, Not a of books in a makebelieve ship, get- bit ting about is easy. If required to, the ‘We can always come back here good ship Makebelieve can be de- and finish the trip the way we planned pended upon to take wing and fly tt,’ eald Jamie aeross land and sea at a speed second ‘Or we can plan a better one,” sug only to wis gested Alice, “Anyway, Mr. Pirate ‘T don’t want to sail any longer.’’ you'll be glad you came to our house 1 Alica, and immediately the ship our mumsie, she's a dear, You'll love topped hey Vhat's this?’ roared the Pirate “You had better not plan to,"* Jamie sticking his head through the hatch. advised ddy might have some- ‘ ‘It's Thanksgiving time and I want thing to say about it.” to go home,"* © announced “Ho laughed the Pirate ) do I." anid Jamie in answor to ‘‘Well you need not be afraid, I won't ng to spoil your holday, ex- 2 stern, inquiring look from the Pi- 40 anyt rate cepting to come to your feast in thea: “What of your wish to round Caps clothes.” Horn? And the visits to Mexter, “te that'a ail, we'll close our ayaa i Avgentine und the rest of (tt end wish, All together now, one, two \ 4 going to turn your baeka on three! Jamin 6 and the the daogo:w and adventures for a din. elon oir eyew deck t ner of juloy turkey?’ the Pirate muipy Makcbelieve nway off tn tounted, "Didn't you have enough Hound and when they opened tir fevating at Thankegiving time mn again found themariver a Canada? What kind of seamen aro That {e to aay, Alice and J you to leave the green ocean for noth- amd the I Was being ing better then a full stomach?" to their “roumale _ Day sortously and decided that they had a whole lot to be thankful for in the matter of clothes, complexions, the kind of hatr they have or haven't got and the kind of husbands and wives they are married to, y'under- stand, there would be an organized campaign on the part of clothing dealers, complexion specialists, tou- pee manufacturers and divorce law- yers to abolish Thanksgiving Day al- together.” A 6AA NOBE ON A 9140 FACE. “Then in that case, Abs, I am in favor of one of them amendments to the Constitution, like the Volstead act, making thanksgiving and thankful- ness compulsory the same Ilke Prohi- bition," Morris said, “and it should particularly apply to them people which goes to beauty doctors and divorce lawyers on account of not be- ing thankful for whet they've got in them two lines, y'understand, be- cause, in practically ten cases out of ten, when the operation is finished they have still less to be thankful for than they had before. “Take, for instance, my wife's sis- ter's eldest daughter, and that girl borrowed from men couple of hundred dollars to pay a beauty doctor he should give her a size 6AA nose on a size 9D face, y'understand, and how that girl Is ever going to get a hus- band unless she could find another beauty doctor who would cut down KIDDIE CON the old face to fit the new nose, Abe, ts a mystery to me. “Also, Abe, if F would have had a Thanksgiving Day instead of a revolution, no matter how little them poor Russians had to bo thankful for at that time, y'under- stand, they would have a whole lot more to be thankful for to-day yet.”’ Morris continued. “Still, Mawruss, the way the world gets better Is by people not belnz thankful for things they should ought to feel sore about,’’ Abe sald. BALD HEADS, FOLLIES GIRLS AND GRATITUDE, “In some few cases, maybe,"* Mor- ris admitted, ‘but taking tt by and large, Abe, it pays to be thankful for what you've got even if you ain't got nothing to be thankful for. Take be- ing bald, for instance, and I admit that you haven't any particular rea- son to give a thanks offering of a couple of hundred dollars to an or- phan asylum merely because you ain't got no more protection from the cold above the eyebrows than a Fol- lies girl has below the waist, y'unde: stand, but at the same time, Abe, a toupee would look just as good on you as woolen stockings would on her, and you should both be thankful that neither of you has got to wear either, y'understand."* “Say!'" Abe retorted. ‘‘You your- self aln't got such a big supply of hair that people ts going to exactly ask each other when you take off your hat: ‘Is it or fs tt not Pade- rewski,’ y'understand.’’ “Well, no matter how quick T would get bald, Abe, I am anyhow thankful that I won't get stuck with hair tonic In barber shops, y'understand,”’ Morris continued, ‘because I am sure of one thing, Abe, and that ts that the only liquid which ts going to stop @ man from losing all his hair once it begins to go, y’understand, is em- balming fluid, and that’s no remedy that anybody is going to be thankful for." ITEMIZING THE REASONS, “But as a matter of fact, Abe." Morris continued, “if President Et ding was to send out a Thanksgiving Proclamation telling people of smut! means how thankful they should ought to be that they wouldn't be able to afford certain expensive things during anyhow the year 19 yiunderstand, {t would take — his stenographer a whole day to itemize in that Thanksgiving proclamation only a few of them things. For instance, Abs, {f President Harding would tell the poor people of this country who couldn't afford to go to TRIBUTIONS eS = THE MISCHIEVOUS TURKEY NCE upon a time there lived tn a forest a happy Turkey family— Mother Turkey, Jerry, Jack, John- ny and Jimmy Turkey, One day Mother Turkey went to her four chil- dren and said, ‘‘My dear children, to- day is Thanksgiving day, which ts known to everyone throughout the forest. Three hundred and two yearn ago the Pilgrims landed tn America On this day, three hundred and one years ago they celebrated their coming here and had a great foast. They hed roast turkey and many other things which I could not possibly mention now. Since then, they alwnys celebrate this day. So now, my chil- eren, I warn you not to go out into the forest, or you will be shot by hunters as your father was last week."* They af obeyed her except mis- ohievous Jerry. He sald to himself, “Who are these hunters and what are they Ike? I suppose the only way 1 can possibly find out ts to go out into the woods and see for my self.” So off he went when no one was watching. He had only gone a few yards when he heard a oracking sound, He looked around and there in the bushes he saw a man. Tho curious little turkey did not see him well enough so he went closer, Then he said, ‘That must be a hunter.” Just then the hunter spied him end was ready to shoot when Jerry heard his mother’s voice, He knew !f he did not go home immediately he “Mother, this is Capt. John Stlve' Jamie was saying. “Not Capt. Sliver of Treasure Ts land?’ his mother asked. Ma’am,"* the ing off the bar which was the only-head covering he wore. Pirate ana ‘But, but,’ faltered the mother. “Your leg! me, but dia think that Capt. Jo! r of Treas ure Island had on “Not so quick, ma‘am, not All that will come tn time. Yo I met your children before T change one leg. It was this way’ “Shall we join the others?’ Alice interrupted. “I just can’t wait to #er cousin May and the rest.’ At dinner the Pirate was : tion. The children adored ne amused the grown folk and he thrilir them all with harrowing stories of his nea adventures, one of which was the story of the lost lew Are youl Ro: ¥ you came home wit? ue, Mr. f Jamie nae ; the guenta had gone. in he taughe abn f ey Ro bac YE Ove) ore would be spanked, 90 off he went ‘The hunter shot after him but missed him The turkey was sorry that he dis obeyed his mother by running away into tho forest. He wan glad be cause his mother had saved him by calling. After his arrow escape Jerry was an obedient little turkey By Sylvia Haggander, age 13, New York City. Poems by Kiddie Klu Members. THANKSGIVING, All the turkeys of Bamberly Lane Were fat and plump and very vain ‘The turkeys had a meoting one night Where no human being was in sight An old turkey who escaped many a Thanksgiving Sald, “Now what's the use of us ever living? “very year most of us die, “And really I don’t know a sensib!: Treason why. “Let's run away to a better land “There we will live a life Just grand All the turkeys ran aw To a land where they were happy an gay. There they knew ‘t was worth while living Hven though it was Thanksgiving The ladies who lived in Bamberiy Lane Started a search that was headed by Jan They searched and searched but all in vain, The turkeys couldn't be found, that was plain. fo while the worth living The people of Bamberly had duck fo: Thankegiving. turkeys thought |ifr By Cecella Kaplowitz, age 12'/2. Brooklyn THANKSGIVING. Thanksgiving Day ts coming ‘The glad day of the year We'll have @ merry frolic When !t at last ts here; When harvests all are gathered And winter days are near. By Lucille Margaret Hyetlop, axe nine, Ossining, N. Y. HOW TO JOIN THE KLUB. CUT OUT THIS COUPON, Beginning with any number, out out atx of these coupons, 1,031, 1.083, 1,038, 1. and 1.026. and mali to Count nor, ning World Kiddie “IF PRESIDENT HARDING WOULD SAY TO THE WOMEN OF THE COUNTRY THAT THEY SHOULD OUGHT TO BE THANK- FUL FOR THE FALL AND WINTER DRESS MODELS OF 1921-22 WITH THE SKIRTS COMING MIDWAY BETWEEN THE KNEE AND THE ANKLE: the theaster, the namos of some of the plays they should be particularly thankful about not having the money to sec, y'understand, that would fill anyhow ten sof his proclama tion.” “Phen if he would go to work and dictate to his stenographer the t addresses of them first’ clu s and restaurants which people should be thankful for escaping, Ab Mor! P 8 went on, for six nore pages of hi and Congress could defray cost of printing the selling it for ten cent “that would a pro unt jamation, the entire proclamation by a copy on all ASTE thie puzzia on thin perpendicular and are seventy aquarcs of time Thankeg a Day “38 a ful for, even {f he ain't got a pair of shoen to his feet, y'understand.”* Such purely personal reasons for being thankful, Abe, a President ain't golng to put into his Thanksgiving proclamation, otherwise where Is he going to stop?” Morris asked. example, he might go to work and tell anyhow 99,999,999 of the 100,000,000 people in this country that they should ought to fect thankful they couldn't afford to be prima donna fanciers, and right away that would open up the proposition that while no- body could be absolutely sure of any - thing in this world, y'understand, 999,997 other people in this country, should ought to be thankful they've anyhow got a hunch their children is their own."* “Why not make {t a blanket clause In the Thanksgiving proclamation and have President Harding tell the great majority of the people In one para- graph only that they should ought to be thankful they ain't millionaires?’’ Abe suggested. ‘Well, of course, I feel the sami like you, Abe, that the President Thanksgiving Proclamation could be made a whole lot snappier as pure reading matter, y'understand, but at the same time, y'understand, I don’t think he should ought to set too fast a pace with his 1922 Thanksgiving Proclamation," Morriss observed, “otherwise in 1923, Abe, people is apt to say that they think President Har- ding is falling down a little In his ‘Thanksgiving Proclamations. TOO MUCH LIKE MOLLYANNA. “Which to my mind, when a ‘Thanksgiving Proclamation says that people should ought to be thankful they are not millionaires, y'under- stand, {t's already getting into the popular fiction class like Mollyanna and this here book Rabbit that every king such a fuss about."’ ain't a had item Abe said, “and after this here Thanksgiving Proclamation im published {n book form, Mawruss, the proceeds could be used to bring down railroad ell ‘alns as a warning for tray- ‘* who could afford to eat and sleep in such places."" the income tax rate a litte “Well, If that's the kind of Thanks- "It would have to have a pretty bla Iving proclamation President Har- sale to make much difference in the ding is going to put out, Mawruss,' normal tax for income up to $4,000," Abe said enthusiastically, ‘I! should Morris observed. be very glad to write It for him. For ire 1 know," Abe concluded, “but stance, Inst week I bought a while you are only considering the pal "0 spectully designed bun- book sale of such a Thankegivi tor 8, Mawr and after Proclamation, I am also figuring on wring them only one evening, Maw- something else.’* russ, Lam willing to proclaim in any What's that?" Morr Thankselving proclamation that any- The moving picture body who couldn't affoml to buy them rehts,!! Abe replied $20 shoes has got plenty to be thank- — Copyright 1022, by tha Hell Syn CONDUCTED BY ELEANOR SCHORER GL gd Silhouette Puzzle (board. When the paste is dry, sepa the squares by cutting along o. en reassemble the squares into a proper picture, There rie, Sen w an get them all in their proper positions in the shortest y Farmer Crab d hie family bad suckling pig instead of turkey COUSIN ELEANOR,