The evening world. Newspaper, November 4, 1922, Page 15

Ang TAQ ROMER RANI Rs ENCES Pate Modern Inventions and Labor Saving Devices Are All Right When They Work but They’re Too Often Out of Order. he “Temporarily Out of Order’’ Sign Should Be a Permanent Dis- play on Some of the Devices in Modern Hotels. By Montague Glass. NLESS .it would be kept Tight up to the minute, Mawruss, nothing gets so == quickly out of date as a mod- ern improve- ment,” Abe Pot- ash remarked to his partner, Morris Perlmut- tier a 6 he watched = Morri to light cigar with a patent cigar ‘ 33 lighter “Take one of tent things you are using there, Mawruss, and if they cost enough to make it worth while y'understand, 98 per cent. of them contraptions would be in a Service station 98 per cent. of the time.” “Alec Fishberg gave !t to me,"’ Mor- moe THE EVENING WORLD'S CHAPTER XXXII, NEVER did see a camp fire Ike this one nature has made us,” laughed Alice. “Instead of holding the pan up over it I have to hold tt down." Bhe was cooking over ® fumarioe tn the Valley of a Thou- @and Smokes, Alaska. “Put the pan into the hole,” Jamie guggested. Alice did. Immediately ‘there was ® “‘Pouf!"’ and the bucon flew up, out and every way, while Alice and Jamie scrambled to catch the pieces. “I'm going to throw my hat tn," amie announced. “You'll loss it if you do,” Alice warned, but her brother was heedless. Ps bat went whirling high above ¢ hheads of the children and then came down several feet away. “What does it?’ Alice wanted to know. “A rush of steam through the fu- marloe up from the middle of the earth,” Jamie told her Again and againethey tossed in their hats until they were quite tired and went to @rink at the mouth of a snow cave. enamel signs marked Cold, Out of Order.” build a six-hen henhouse.” ris Perlmutter remarked, as though that accounted for tt. “Sure, I know," Abe observed, “that feller Fishberg falls for every- thing, just so long an the advertiser says it is the latest wrinkle in modern improvements. “The dashboard of Fishberg’s auto- mobile already looks I!ke the trap drummer's department of a blg mov- Ing picture orchestra, Mawruss. Ho's got on it gauges which don't gauze and never did gauge two days after he paid $10 apiece for them, a stgar lighter Into which you press the end of your cigar and !t comes out looking like a chrysanthemum with no more fire in {t than an ice cream cone, y’un- derstand, and a self-winding ‘clock which runs down every ten hours and has to be sent out to the manufac- turer in Glendale, Cal., before it could be wound up again.” “For that matter, his house is the same way, Abe," Morris said. “I spent a week-end there last June, and when I consider how the patent show- er bath worked in the Fishbergs’s bathroom, y'understand, I wonder that I am alive to tell the tale It had a patent mixer on it which for twenty-four hours after it was in- stalled, Abe, worked like a charm-- so Fishberg says—but when I was there in the house that patent mixer didn’t know its own mind from ono day to another. “Just because when you turned the LLL AAU LALLAL AAAI ALLL LAAULL ALU AA LIAM AULA ALLL DLUL LLL LLL LLL EDEL ALLEL LILLE LLL LOU Here the hot earth had melted a Pool of pure, clear snow water. And when they returned a visitor awaited them. No it was not the Pirate, though they expected every minute to see him coming across the valley, This visitor was a big black bear, who seraped and dug at the edge of the fumarloe trying to fmd out what It was, ‘Jamie, look!" cried Alice, and ran. “Come back, he won't hurt you," called her brother. But Alice wax running as fast as she could. Jamie followed, and together they climbed away from the bear until they reached a great, smoking hot pool that they knew must be a crater, They were on top of Katmat, looking into the greatest active crater in the world The valley below them was dotted with craters, thelr centres red in the sinking sun. We had best go back,” sald Jamie. “It's getting dark. They started back, feeling their way and holding on to rocks along the way. But many of these had been blown so full of holes that they were too light to give support. They went on, slowly, carefully, and at last they reached the floor of the val- “If them manufacturers of patent mixers on shower baths had hearts and consciences about scalding and freesing people, they would have the Tepid, Warm, Hot a “The amount of labor saved by all them labor- saving devices since they was invented SOME REAL MODERN IMPRO\. EMENTS 6 HE self-winding clock rans down every j ten hours aud has to be sent out to the manufacturer in Glendale, before it could be wound up again.” California, id} the water and ice room pitcher,” would work.” pointer to tepid one day you got near- ly scalded to death, y’understand wasn't no criterlum that if you turned it to tepid the next day, y'under- stand, you wouldn't get frozen stiff. In fact, Abe, that shower bath had the disposition of a grand opera prima donna. Nobody could manage it at all.” AND IF THEY'RE O. K., WHAT GOOD ARE THEY? "If th manufacturers of patent mixera on shower baths had hearts und consciences about scalding and free * Abe sa & people, M y would } on such mixers marked Cold, Warm, Hot and Out of Order, and have the Indicator fixed so that it points to Out of Order and couldn't be moved from there."’ “Well, It serves such people like Fishberg good and right when they get stuck with that kind of modern improvements, Abe Morris sald, “which there {s millions and millions of dollars invested In labor saving de vices in this country alone, used by millions of men and women every day, y’understand, and the amount of iabor saved Ly all them labor saving devices sin they was invented, Abe, wouldn't build a six-hen hen-house."’ “On the contrary even, Mawruss,’ Abe said, ‘‘some of them labor saving from beitg always out of or- der has not only made people do a whole lot of labor which they other- wise wouldn't have done, y'under- ley, where the Pirate and another were walting for them. “Where have you been?” demanded tho Pirate. His volce was rough with anxiety. They told him about rua- ning away from the bear and going up Mount Katmai “You look more as {f you'd been stepping around in paint pails,"’ he laughed. Remnants of the colored mud through which they had trod hung on their heels; patches of red, yellow, purple, blue, orange and white spotted their shoes. “We've been walking on the rain- cow," Alice laughed “You must be tired from It and hungry too,"" And the Pirate showed a bandana full of elderberries, “Where did you get them? the children asked in chorus “Up there,” and the Pirate pointed to Mount Mageik. ly friend here showed me where they grow up through the thick layers of pumice and ash under which the great erup- tion buried them years ago,"’ “They look good,"’ said Jamie, ‘and he wondered whether the Pirate's new friend was Esquimo or India. “They are good, and if I give you some will you do @ favor for an old “If there’s anything an inventor of modern im- provements should ought to be arrested for it’s in- venting a snappy substitute for courtesy.” “If you are thirsty enough to ring for a pitcher of Icewater, one of the pleasantest things about get- ting it is the noise the hellboy makes when he pours “Them old-fashioned ways of doing things wasn't perfect, but {f you used care you could make them trom the service piteher intw the stand, but they've pretty nearly caused brand new diseases like Cigar Lighters’ Thumbnail similar to Knee and Painters’ “And even when they aln’t out of omer what are they?’ Morris asked. “Take for example this here cigar hter, Abe, and it's a substitute for Practically the only articles 1s still given away free for which nothing as a matter of courtesy, y'un derstand, and If there's anything that un inventor of modern {mprovements hould ought to be arrested for in these times, Abe, it’s Inventing a py substitute for courtesy. For tance, on the backs of automobiles: nowadays, there's an invention which shoots out a sign readin hi ai saves the driver the trouble of out his hand. 2 all he » do to operat beca nee the sign, y'un- < nd, is to press a button, turn a handle and put on a couple of extra ‘al Well, therefore F 2m part of of a litt the engine factorles where such STOP sig- nals is tummed out, and I bet yer they will for ¥ M soon be manufacturing devices use {n stores and hotels, which Nt signal THANK YOU or EXCUSE “Such devices will be practically automatic except for lubrication and _THE EVENING WORLD, SATURDAY, NOVEMBER 4, 1922, adjustment, and all a waiter will have to do when he spills soup on you in a first class, modern up-to-date hotel will be to press a button tn his pants pocket as he hurries past, and imme- diately on the end of his coattails will appear a red flash light contain- ing the words I'M SORRY.” ‘‘Maybe,"’ Abe admitted, ‘‘but ff it's a modern improvement in a first class, up-to-date hotel, Mawrust tho chances is that it will flash a sign reading _TEMPORARILY OUT OF ORDER | which when my Rosie was visiting her sister out tn Indianapolis this summer, Mawruss, I spent two weeks in one of them chain hotels which is famous all over the United States for snappy, up-to-date inventions as I had here in my room, “Take the circulating tce water, for instance, and the way It worked was that there was a little tap im the bathroom over the washbowl whicn had on it 4 Uttle button reading: Ice Water. You pressed this little but- ton and something trickled out of the spout which in 10 minutes 20 seconds flat filled a regular sized glass with a dark brown liquid at about blood heat {f you ain’t running @ subnormal temperature. After’ you had filled this glass twice, Mawruss, you telephoned room | service to send a pitcher of ice water and two glasses to Room 2149 and gave the waiter a quarter tn addition to the regular rate of $8 a day whicn you paid the hotel because all th» rooms had circulating {ce water in them,"* “Well, even when circulating !ce water {s circulating, Abe, it ain't got no clink to it like the old fashioned pitcher of ice water,’ Morris ob- served, being the last word in hotel construction “And I never seen sv many, and if you are thirsty enougn to ring for a pitcher of ice water, Abe, one of the pleasantest things out your getting It is the noise the ell boy makes when he pours the water and fce from the service pitcher into the room pitcher, even though you know the service pitcher ain't been cleaned since the hotel opened and has probably got in it a sediment of straw, grain, tobacco, sawdust and coal.’’ THE OLD-FASHIONED ELEVA- TORS USED TO STop. “But if you're careful help yourself to a glassful, when you Mawruss, WESLEY BARRY’S Little Chunks of Wisdom COURAGE, OURAGE ts a fine thing. [t makes you measure up to a man's size, but to measurin’ up to ® big Dane's size like Props. Pro has the best dog senso you ever heard of. He wanted a bone to sharpen up his fangs on, #0 he bet Wes a bone to a lolly pop that he was taller’n him. Props is a cute one. When he saw that their heads were on the level, he cocked up his ears and won the bet. mmemenene P. 8. If you want to beat a good dog, you gotta have better’n dog sense. Wes. THE LITTLE GIRL AND THE FROWNIEST FROWN. Once upon a time there lived a Uttle girl whose name was Betty. One fine morning she stayed in bed an hour later than usual. A little bird appeared on the sill and began calling her. Betty paid no attention. Awnin and again the bird called Still Betty did not mind him. Once more the bird called and this made Betty angry. She jumped up and frowned and the frownlest frown ever frowned. Her face began to feel queer. She looked into the mirror and behold her face was all wrinkled, and try as she would she could not straighten it. After that she never frowned any more, and the wrinkles disappeared By IDA WEBER, Age 12, Hempstead, L. I sea- faring man?’ said the Pirate “ Maybe,’ said Jamie, ‘ Whut wr" “Pull out of here. We've como to Alaska to find treasure and wo wre looking for it in the furnace of tt earth. Old Pete here will tell you how these thousand craters cam here where no volcano had ever been before, Tell them, Pete,” he com cise, an’ smoke an’ fire,’ sald old fellow. “I see, 1 only man here when it come, Katmai Moun tain blow up. Fire come down trail I get in bidarka (native boat), Hot Stone fall. Now 1 come back every yea: maybe after salmon all dry, and kill bear, ‘oo bad." “Oh, no; It isn't too bad to kill bears," said Alice, “He doesn't mean that," laughed the Pirate. ‘ He means {t's too bad that Mt. Katmat blew up. And be fore it starts its tricks over aguin we'll sail for another port. 1 won't come, shiver my sides, stay here alone.” At this Alice trembled and Jamie started packing his kit, TOA DAISY. Oh, you lovely flower, smiling up at me; You are just a bit of sunbeam, most beautiful to see. Did you have a “coming out” this morning in the dew? Did you have cakes and toes, oh, aid you? Oh, you dark-eyed beauty, how pretty you would be Standing in the little vase that Santa brought to me. But no, I will not pluck you from out your lovely home. You shall still remain here, a Princess on your throne, And to every passerby you'll give a Uttle cheer, For after secing you they'll be hap- pier, my dear. By GLORIA PRICE, A FOOLISH YOUNG ROOSTE! Once upon a time a little chick fell Into @ well and was drowned, The mother hen told her chicks not to go near the well, All the chicks minded her but one foolish young rooster, “T think I can take care of myself,’ he said. “I am going to see that well, at once.” Bo off he went. He hopped up om the side and bent over to see what was in it. But, in trying to look down he stretched his neck too far and fell in. He too was drowned. Moral: Tell @ fool not to do a thing and he will be sure to try it. SIDNEY GEST, Age 10, Brooklyn. NOVEMBER CONTEST. Subjects “Christmas Time in Our House.” Ten awards of $1 each will be gives the ten Kiddie Klub members aged from six to fifteen inclusive who write the best essays on ‘Christmas Time in Our House,"” The essays must not be copied and contestants must not accept help from te from the parents or teacher f the sender saying the composition original must accompany each Write NAME, AGE, ADDRESS and CERTIFICATE NUMBER distinctly. Address Cousin leaner, New York Evening World, No, 68 Park Row, New York City, HOW TO JOIN THE KLUB. CUT OUT THIS COUPON. Beginning with number, cut out aix these ‘coupon! i 1,012, 1,01 1014 Hots ) ‘Cousli Bieanor, Evening World Kiddie Klub, No 63 Park Row, New ‘York City, with a A AOA ans “All children P to sixteen years of age ay become membe ach member resented with a silver gray klub Pin and membership certificate COUPON 1,011, “AND ALL A WAITER WILL HAVE TO DO WHEN HE SPILL8 SOUP ON YOU IN A FIRST-CLASS MODERN, UP-TO-DATE HOTEL WILL BE TO PRESS A BUTTON IN HIS PANTS POCKET AS ME HUR- RIES PAST, AND IMMEDIATELY ON THE END OF HI8 COAT- TAILS WILL APPEAR A RED FLASHLIGHT CONTAINING THE ‘ WORDS ‘I'M SORRY.’ '’ you can keep the sediment in the Pitcher and out of the glass,'' Abe sald. ‘And that's the way it was with all them old-fashioned ways of doing things. They wasn't perfect, but if you used care you could make them work, whereas with a modern im A LOOM ULLAL LILLIA LL LLL ALLL AULA ULLAL LLU LALLA ALAM DLA LILA KIDDIE KLUB KCRNER SATURDAY SPECIAL FEATURE ALLEL LTLTELE BIN DE.R> RULES OF THE GAME. This ts not a new game, it is very old; #0 old that many had forgotten all about it. Now every one is taking it up again and trying by the hour to move the sticks so that there is only one left standing in the o ve hole, Yes, that isthe problem,’ ve only one stick left on the boa and that tn hole No. 17. It isa @ dhe of solitaire (or perhaps you would call it @ puzzle) only one may play. DIRECTIONS, Paste this game on heavy cari- board. When the paste ts dry, pierve the thirty-three holes, Whittle thirty- two matc> sticks into points at one end, Make the thirty-three holes big enough to stick the match sticks !n without having them fal) through. Run @ penknife blade along dotted AMAL i BINDER provement, Mawruss, all you could do about it is to press the button or turn the handle, and tf it is tn order, it works perfectly, and if ft ain't in or- der, \t won't work at all, “Take, for instance, the old-faah- toned hotel with two slow elevators, lines A-B, B-C, C-D and D-A, but do not cut through. Turn the four edges back and paste the four binders in the four corners to hold them firm. Here are four moves, any one of which you may uee to start with. I.—Jump 5 over 10 into 17, Then 10 ts taken out and discarded, Il.—Jump 15 over 16 Into 17, die- card 16. II,—Jump 19 over 18 tnto 17, dis- card 18, 1V.—Jump 89 over 84 inte 11, dis- card i, Let us suppose. that you have started with the first move, you have jumped 6 over 10 into 17 and discard- 4 10, Now holes 6 and 10 are open. Jump 19 over 11 into 10, discard 11, Jump 8 over @ into 11, discard 6, Jump 10 over 11 into 18, discard 11, Jump 18 over 13 into 11, discard 18. Jump 1 over & into 8, discard 8, Jump 18 over 11 Inte ¢, discard 11. ELEANOR SCHORER MLL and if you was on the fourth floor and the elevators wasn't working, you could anyhow walk downstairs, y'um- derstand,” Abe continued, ‘but when I was on the twenty-first floor of that hotel last summer and ten of the fast- eat electric elevators in the world whizzed up and down without stop- ping at the rate of a mile a minute, Mawruss, I remained on the twenty- first floor. “Which walking down four fights of stairs is one thing, and walking down twenty-one flights of stairs, not including floors A, B and C, under- stand me, ts something else again, because in the part of Russland where I was born and raised, Mawruse, Alps was few and far between and moun. taineering was, so to speak, only | ite infancy in them days." ‘I never took much stock in ‘Also, Abo, when I want te ister, I couldn't help suspecting that the room clerk ts eaying to . ‘Here I've got all these nice, vacant rooms arranged cally and this feller comes along balle the entire thing up.’ Tt" running schedule, Here he has « system of running elevators nicely settled so that they are all up at the thirty-first floor or down on the ground floor at one and the same time, and the hotel guests constantly interfere by wanting to use them elevators once in a while.”” And yet, Mawruss, there is a way to get a whole lot of enjoyment out of them modern, snappy, up-to-date conveniences in new hotel," Abe observed “‘How?"' Morris asked. “Read about them in the ad- vertisements,” Abe said, “but stay at a comfortable, old = fashioned boarding house.’ (Copyright 1922, by the Beli Syndicate, Ine.) CONDUCTED BY BIN DER * Jump 8 over 6 inte 11, discard Jump 8 over # into 10, discard 9. Jump 11 ever 10 into 9, discard 1¢ jump 12 over 18 into 20. But suppose you have pins tm 11, 1° 20 and 36, You may jump from 11 over 18 into 18 (discard 18), from 18 over 20 37 (discard 20), from 37 over 36 36 (discard 36), Here two have been turned but it has been in @ way that comforme with the of came. The idea of the game, wald before, ia to clear the board but one match stick and to one standing In the centre board in hole 17, Bee if you can Go it. COUSIN Somer mee gt eke en me emcee ee eens | | ¢ i ‘ t % ; / $ é t i