The evening world. Newspaper, July 14, 1922, Page 18

ec TIE EY ct Good Evening: By BIDE The mercury was very high— In fact, ‘twas ninety-three, So Mary donned a lot of furs To go uptown with me. The summer sun beat down on her, But Mary smiled, by heck! “1 never feel the heat,” said she, “With furs around my neck.” The mercury was very low, It passed the freezing point, So Mary donned a low-necked dress, Exposing ev'ry joint Her pretty shoulders did possess, But Mary smiled, by heck! “I never feel the cold,” said she, “If 1 but bare my neck.” OBSERVATIONS. Larry Semon, screen comic, {s to wed his leading lady. He believes he can be just as funny married. If a subway train expects to break fmto the newspapers by stalling, it must pick the rush hour for {ts stunt. Press Agent Vermont of Murray’s e@afe was introduced to-day to George Alabama Florida, a theatrical man- ager. Postmaster General Work has 60,000 auto trucks ready to transport the mails if the strike gets worse. Yes, that’s his name—Work. Jess Willard says Wills, the Negro prizefighter, has a weak jaw. If that’s the reason he seldom talks, we're for it. LAUGHING LENA. (Never tamper with the heart of a fatal.—Glooch.) w the policeman stand- ing on the corner, but she did not know he was the father of eight children. Turning to her sweét- heart, she said: “In the realm of life each soul should declare a moratorium.” It surprised him. He had not expected her to take that stand. “Ma cherie!” he murmured, biting his fingernails. Tt was then that the policeman saw the robber. Facing west, he swung about quickly and faced east. “Who goes there?” The police- man was speaking. Lengthy Mike stopped. He knew ‘twould be best not to argue with the old thing. “Hello, funny!” he sald. Lena grasped Archibald’s arm fust below the vaccination. “Now I know who kicked Mr. Hoskins.” she whispered. “Well, don’t tell anybody,” said Archibald. “My father in New York always said not to tell any- thing to anybody, especially when Jove is uppermost in the mind.” That was because his father operated a feed store and fed society's horses, Lena and Archibald entered the Hoskins store. The society women were quite excited. They had found the prune barrel open and unguarded. “Don't!” sald Grocer Hoskins. He had always heard that so- ton and Peter Traill, produced by A. H. Woods. Miss Fred- erick is returning to the stage after an absence of eight years in the of Conquest” the star will be supported by Charles ‘Waldron, Ian Keith, Henry Warwick, Lumsden Hare, Florence Edney and Edward Elsner is di- movies, In “By Right Mary Moore. recting the rehearsals. “FOOLS ERRANT.” ‘The Messrs, Shubert, in association with Louis Evan Shipman, will pro- duce in August an original play by “Fools Er- be Cyril Mr, Shipman, entitled rant.” In the cast will Keightley, Vincent Serrano, Alex- andra Carlisle, Lucille Watson and Robert Cummings. This play was tried out last spring in Cleveland and showed great promise. A FALL FOR MISS HAIG. While dancing in “The Mu: Revue” Wednesday night Haig lost her balance and the orchestra pit. A physic amination showed no bones were broken. When Miss Haig had re- govered from the shock she went to the home of friends in the city, her residence being at Great Neck. TRUE TO TIP, Bobby O'Neill, comedian of ‘Sue, Dear,” the new musical comedy at|you may s the Times Square Theatre, has alas a celebr three-year-old son who gwns a little About Plays and Players AULINE FREDERICK has begun rehearsing in “By Right of Con- quest,” a drama by Michael Mor- which will be . |Santley, had a lot of firecrackers left | JOB? SCAR ds i —)"Ggury! ‘i. Lave ANOTHER LETTER FROM “TH'BIRD WHO BoucHT MY car ! [ SUPPOSE He's FOUND sumP'N ELSE WRONG WITH IT AN’ WISHES. To SLIP ME. ANOTHER BAWLIN' out! } weLe, 1 DIDN'T GuaeANTER JIT WOULD ALWAYS RUN OK. — \F 1 CouULD OF FOUND OUT WHAT MADE (T QUIT So OFTEN I WOULDN'T OF SoLD IT AT SucH uw — AND You witt No DousT Be DELIGHTED To KNOW “THAT T Have. LOCATED “THE “TROUBLE. A SMALL PART IN THE TIMER WAS WORN PROM LACK OF LUBRICATION. AND BY REPLACING IT AT A Cost Of BUT “THIRTY CENTS: “THE MdToR RUNS, Like A Clock * DUDLEY HORTON Sy | POEMS OF PREFERENCE | Harmsworth Smith, a resident of Hoboken Flats, is to-day’s applicant for the velvet-lined oyster opener. “If I win it,” he writes, “I shall lay it away until oysters R in season. Then I shall open every oyster I find.” He has entered this rhyme in the con- test: The girl I want to marry Need have no golden hair, Bhe need not be a beauty, For looks I do not care. Bhe need not be a singer, Nor have a lot of rocks, But she must have a penchant For darn clety women were great flirts. Lady Hotchkiss hit him with a tomato. (To be continued.) THE BIG LITTLE FAMILY Hyman Figured It Out. A Boston lady went into the Goodman store yesterday and sald she wanted to buy a perspirator. Hyman Goodman finally got her— she wanted a sweater.—Wellsville Optic, OMY ! $0 You've « TAKEN OUT AN. ACCIDENT IN6URANCE ON ace LiFe W'SAY~IF YOURE KILLED HE Co.” WILL PAY ME 410,000 ? WOURE RIGHT DEAR — WITH “THIS RAILROAD STRIKE ON IMSS Sansa’ YES, TRAVELLIN® ABOUT-A MAN NEVER KNOWS WHEN He'LL BE IN A SMASH = vp? NUTT’S DOPE. Jefferson Shrewsbury Nutt, our special correspondent, has unearthed a scoop for this column. He is still in Bogash, O., visiting his wife's rel- atives, the Bones. But he promises to come to New York if the tip he has unearthed works out. He writes: “Dear Dud—I and the wife learned to-day that some of the railroad men are figuirng on striking because the Government won't cut the pay of tho Labor Board. It seems that the board wants to transport the mails by auto trucks, but the railroad men don’t know how to drive the trucks. They claim the board is trying to THEM CHICKENS Dot I Aunt 4-GoIN. Hey. aunt MaetH? MERRY make truck gardeners out of them, Fence cam nor TS HAVE 'EM Don’ TLL eT 0 THe j MY DonTetta MixuPes i Ger & switce es AND SwiTcH "EM Mke the man with the hoe taat Ed- ward Markwell boosted so. This town has eighteen railroad men living here and one of them is Seth Bone, my wife's brother, who is a flagman at the Pigsty grade crossing. Why not have I and her interview Seth and get the dope on this tip? He drinks a lot, but we could eaten him sober some day and talk turkey to him. I could face him sternly and say: ‘Seth, how about this strike?’ If he wouldn't talk. the wife could sing ‘I've Been Working on the Rallroad’ to him and I'll bet he'd come across with the dope. By the way, I need $11 to get a new pair of trousers, Send it to me soon, please. Tip Osterhaus, the butcher, swallowed a fly on some bread and jam yesterday and Heck Spinnell, who saw it go down, laughed. Much excitement, but could learn noth- ing.—Jeff.” 1T AGAIN? “RUN GET ME THE —— Witt You HATCHET IF You Want IT- Bor I DONT THINK YoucHTA| HIT THE PooR CHICKENS wiTH IT~ INTO MY GaRDEN? Beene You deed wr TUT Your Ta away, LET Some ont ELSE — eee Far wit ue Whee IR You with AND MAW TS Yeu WANT TS On THR Tanne CAOTH- “Tonn TYHAN s AnD KBEP US WAITING Are You Paeas onren wate, Seno « 1S . = 2-99 aveainer — MARY MIXOP~ It Didn’t “Crab” Ferdie’s Appetite! Yes! BuT 1 THINK You COOKED IT A UTTLE Too ag LONG — THE CRUST WAS AWFULLY HARD ¢ KATINKA Go HOME, FERDIE -1 CAN'T BoTHER WiTH You TONIGHT, WE'RE HAVING COMPANY FoR SUPPER. CAN'T You SUP A BITE TOEAT, 1L AW'T GoT THE PRICE OF A MEAL ? *(DEVILED CRAB! THis DISH TM Do You UKE EATING ? w? ScH! CHEW IT QUIETLY So MY Boss DON'T GEE, THis STUFF Tastes GooD! TVE NEVER HAD AND NOW PERMIT US To bother you with the infor- mation that a Harlem doctor, who has invented a so-called cure for obesity, expects to live on the fat of the land. dog named Tip. Yesterday Mrs. O'Neill told the lad he might go to the theatre to-morrow afternoon and see his father as Chick O’Brien, in the play. “Tin I take Tip?” he asked “No,” replied Mrs. O'Neill, are not allowed in theatres.” The boy thought deeply a moment and then said; “Nothin’ doin’! I stay wif Tip."’ ‘Doge $2 an Hour iL. _— i TC IDEAL Man! (See ToMorrow) JUST AFEW WORDS, GIRLS, ABOUT MR GIMBLE, THE GENTLEMAN I HAVE CONSENTED TO RENT OUT TO YOU ~ 1 KNOW You'LL ALL LOSE YOUR HEARTS OVER HIM -HE IS SO’ ATTRACTIVE- LOOKS LIKE WALLACE REID AND HAS POSED FOR SEVERAL COLLAR ADS ----EACH GIRL MUST ENTERTAIN HIM DURING HER HOUR --- AND L MIGHT ADD THE $2 MUST BE PAID IN ADVANCE WHAT'S THE BIG IDEA> THE GIRLS DON'T SEEM To UNDERSTAND MY |} PROPOSITION — T’D BETTER TELL THEM MORE ABOUT IT OH BAB IS GOIN’ ‘TO RENT OUT A FELLOW OR SOMETHIN 60op \pEa! TLL 6ET’EM ALL TOGETHER AND YOU TELL THEM WHAT A WHITE GETS WHITEMAN. George White has engaged Paul Whiteman and his orchestra to pl in the next edition of ‘Scandal which will be put in rehearsal Mon- day. CAREFUL MR. MITCHELL, Grant Mitchell of “Kempy,” is a man who always thinks before he speaks, Recently a young woman in- terviewed him and, one of her ques- tions was: “Tell me, Mr. Mitchell, are you in favor of women wearing knickers?” “That, he replied, ‘is immaterial But I am in favor of their wearing skirts.” TLL BET THERE'S A CATCH IN IT SOME LACE ALL THAT FOR $2 AN HOUR-| THAT'S CHEAP! BEAL AN OUST THINK' SAM DESERVES IT. Little Joe Santley, son of big Joe over from the Fourth and yesterda: he wanted to shoot them off at his Great Neck home. His grandmother by the Hell Syndicate, Ine. (Copyright, objected, but Pop Santley came to the |shoot them over in Sam H, Harris's|1. Evans as Judge Lemucl Townsend|twenty-five colore is yesterday] The Washington Square College|game of golf in his life. What's FOOLISHMENT. lad’s rescue. yard. It's his show.” in a “Lightnin'’’ company to be|with the idea of introducing them in a] Players will stage six subscription] matter with the old gink, anyway? | /, “Don't cry," he said. “Next Tues- — headed by Thomas Jefferscn jr. Juvenile number in “Strut, Miss] productions begining in October, The isi. There was a young woman day night will bring the 350th pe Gossip. Julius Harris, at the Fulton, is sell- | Lizzie.” first will be a revival of “Seven Keys PUT IT IN THE ACT. Blair, formance of ‘The Music Box Revu There will ve , skets for two theatres, They are] Whitford Kane left Monday for Los|to Baldpate.”’ | ve just been to a wooden wedding | A classy young girl, I declar in which papa and mamma work, and | nee of “Spice ‘s Irish Rose’ now at the] Angeles w he will complete the vation." When men asked for kisses the crackers off then car Shaw ning Dear- which moves to the Re-|manuscript of a new play, and, in- A THOUGHT FOR TO-DAY. Vho were the happy r feaia niga ah : A n, won a tra & playing golf, | pubile day dentally, make his first appearance} The writer of this column has neve eg paunie af bieakt . She'd give them some hisses, If he does,"" said grandma “he'll! John Golden has engaged Charles] Henry Creamer interviewed about film ‘actor driven an automobile ov pluyed . Db. | Then say: “Take a few, I don't