The evening world. Newspaper, June 22, 1922, Page 28

<A EN nnn ees 2 ALR ig SR Seen ONO ORR RES RT RENO ‘heatrical News a Good Evening! By BIDE Bambino Ruth ix out again For being rough to Umps It seems the And so he gets his bumps His batting average here of late Hus figured vather small; He ought to save And put it on the Bam just can't behave his cneray ball Not a Heart Match. Mamie O'iirien, daughter of Coun ¢iiman en, and Joe to be ad next week heen livers a long time.— Wellsville Optic Don’t Bet On It. Mary Landon Baker says she won't Marry Allister McCormick. — News Item Mary, Mary, quite contrary, Again's been heard to say Poor Allister is not for her, But that was yesterday Henry’ll ‘Like This. We are glad to state that Henry Prince is recovering his health slowly.—Marshall (Q.) Star Her Cook Quit. She is a middle-aged woman who stands With a box of aum in an up- town subway entrance. For five months she has been an object pity : ave made it a prac- tice to drop a nickel in her hand daily as we hurried to catch our train Yesterday we found her engaged in an argument with a g4ri of about eighteen “I'm through working for you," sata the girl. “Five dollars a week ain't enough for doing the cooking for you and your husband.” We don't know how the matter ended. But we do know we dropped a perfectly good nickel back In ovr pocket Thelma, The Vamp. (The weaker sex shall rule—Pinklespeare.) Thelma reached the great elty, with its throngs of hurrying, scurrying millionaires and tired business men, and began looking for an actor, She wanted to ask him how to get on the stage. In Dutch Tom's saloon, where she went for an onion sandwich, a mian with a big diamond accosted her “Are you an actor?’ asked the timid girl, “That Tam, Miss,"’ am Benjamin Hur,” “Aw, you are not,”’ she suid you are, where's your chariot r It seemed ridiculous for him to be secretive about such things, but he would not tell her. Finally, however, he convinced her that he really was Benjamta Hur ‘The next scene shows Thelma and Mr, Hur at the golf links. Her rea hair, blazing in the sun, has caused him to promise her a job on the stage. She is to join "The Ragged Widows,” “All you have to do,'’ said Mr. Hur, “ix to look over the fence and im- Personate the moon.’* “Fore!” yelled a youth. He was Gerald De Belleville Topplebum, scion of an old New York famliy. Thelma was startled "she replied, ‘lL have it, but T will not spend it here."' She thought he meant her $4 Gerald looked at her closely. was kindling. Would it endure? he replied. ‘i “it Love That night ‘Thelma wrote a letter hone. “I am stopping at a diz hostelry,”” it said, “Hostelry?” mused her _ father. “Must be a place where they keep hosset “No!” shrieked her mother. “Why the flies would pester her to death Get me my bonnet."" (To be continued.) Observations. Jersey City has a new club of mar- ried women called The Charming Dozen. The members named it them- aelve in viher wuids, the Federation o Women's Clubs, now meeting at Chautauqua, N, ¥., believes flapper marriages are invariably floppers. Hep White, a Kansas newspaper man, thinks all that working men #hould wear in hot weather is spec facies. Gosh, that's what they'd be Advices from London indicate that ENRY the Canary dictionary HULL, of ‘The Cat and H found an Italian at home yesterday and it brought back to his incident that happened when playing in stock at the Liberty Thea tre, Dayton, last summer, The play was “Lombardi, Ltd.," and Henry had the role of Lombardi. At one polu he was supposed to use a lot of Italian He knew Italian words gut wasn't thoroughly familiar with their meanings. However, he decided to se them and he did. After the per- formance a young man of Italian par eptage sought him. “Mr. Hull,” he said, “you have the finest assortment of Italian profanity I ever knew an American to possess.” And that was the day Henry bought the Italian dictionary, some “SPICE” HEADING IN. “Spice of 1922,” the new musical revue which opened this week in At- lantle City, is to be - on Broadway About Plays and Players By BIDE DUDLEY DUDLEY en | POEMS OF PREFERENCE | Next week .will be the final one of this contest. On Saturday July 1, the judges will award the velvet lined oyster-opener to the writer of the best rhyme, probably in City Hall Park, The Mayor may not have time to make the presentation, but we feel sure he will call out the Street De- partment’s Bdnd, the Police Band and 1 few hundred policemen as a guird of honor for the Incky poet. This ean be done easily, as the ceremonies will take only about five hours, and may not last even that lon; Hep 8. of Scarsdale, aspirant for the prize. follows: The lady I would make my wife Must be a keen bootlegger, 80 I can lead a lazy life And not become a beggar. The stuff she selis must be the best, Mine must not cost a, nickel, Oh, where's the girl to stand the test? Oh, woman, thou art fickle. is to-day's His rhyme the demonstration that greeted tho Prince of Wales on his retutn home was almost as great as that Exterm. inator received, The Poet’s Triumph. He wrote a poem to the rose And to an editor it went; Within a week or thereabout Back to the poet it was gent. He mailed it here, he mailed it there, But disappointment was his lot. Each time the poem was returned, One editor declared it rot. He changed his poem all around, And in it he compared the rose To So-and-So's sweet scented soap, “The best friend skin of human knows.” And then he sent it off once more, A check came back his heart to cheer. At once he ate a fine big meat And drank five bottles of near-beer, Nutt’s Dope. Jefferson Shrewsbury Nutt, special correspondent of this column, has a great idea for a news story. Al- though his wife and he are away out in Bogash, O., visiting their relatives, the Bones, they never fail to keep posted on what's going on in. the cities. Mr, Nutt's letter suggesting the story follows: “Dear Dud—I got a tip to-day that they are trying to pick out some women to put their names in the Hall of Fame, and I believe this would make a good story for you. New York don’t know it, but my old aunt, Ima Bone, aged eighty-four, ought to go in that hall, She is a student of science, and when Edison asks qves- tions, she always writes out answers for the Bogash Times. In addition to her wisdom, she is the only woman alive who has had a goitre more than sixty years. Why not have I and the wife interview her and scoop the whole country, 1 would likely say to her first; ‘Aunt Ima, they're going to put you in the Hail of Fame.’ she stutters terrible, and before she could ket out an answer, the wife could read her latest poem to the old lady, It is something about the crown of fame resting just as easy on the bald head as on the head that has a lot of hair, We could make a very laush- able, yet sincere, story about it, and NO OTHER NEW YORK PAPER COULD GET IT, However, I owe Aunt Ima $11. Send it to me so I can square the debt or I don’t believe rhe'll talk. Hamfat Jones, a would- be wit, went into Butcher Hans Schuitz's shop while it was crow¢ed with women to-day, and says: ‘Hans, rr © hix dow on saussse making day. Much excitement, but could learn nothing.—Jeff."’ And Now Permit Us ‘To say that EB. M. Balmer of Lov. land, Col., is @ very successful under- taker nd Gossip _ s Comics - ———-— a8 fi qe up! TMiGHT As i WELL ADMIT NLL NEVER BE ABLE “70 \ set. THAT CAR IF 1 LE Lj BE A MILLION! 5 OB | (6 GREAT O BE ALE THIS KIND OF WEATHER —\IDEAL-AIN IT Luke ? Not A PIPEFULL OF TOBACCO IN "M Licked — A MAN'S A Foot To STAND ON af 7 Yes “Boss Bur 'T WOoNnT LAST MuCcH rT LONGER * ON “TH CANVA’ we His FEET AN’ TAKE. PUNISHMENT WHEN He's “THROUGH — 1M GONNA FIND A Sort SPOT AN DIVE FoR s We'LL HAVE RAIN AN' SULTRY WEATHER aeouT EVERY DAY STARTIN' JULY 1 All Set for a Brodie! JOE — WHAT DO YOu THINK ~?- A MAN CALLED JUST AFTER You LEFT AND LOOKED AT THE CAR —HE SAID IT WAS , JUST WHAT HE WANTED AND He SAID HE'D “TAKE IT ~~~ — IF HE CAN NAME His OWN PRICE It CE em. ms zo! wor MaAKes You 60 THATS Sure oF IT ? WHEN STaRT \ ON MY VACATION © AaRY. QUT OF PIPE TOBACCO — RUN DAWN THe CORNER AND CET ME A CAN OF SMELLIE MIXTURE * 1 SE 4 Tm act s7 SAY YES, KATINKA DEAR An’ MAKE ME HAPPY ! 1 Kaw AGE IN. Y. Eve. World) FOR THE FIFTH Time I SAY y I WON'T SAY "YES" NO MATTER HOW You PLEAD- SO Y'MIGHT ASWELL TMMINY TV FoR CoTre=n TARE NAME oF THAT TOBACCO ~< T DASSENT ASK ey misTee- I ForcoT HE NAME OF THE. TaBacco UNCLE EZR4- WANTS — JusT SMELL THe PIPE AND CIMME & CAN O WHAT .1T SMELLS LIKE ® 1922 (N. Y. Eve, World) By Prose Pub, Co. 3 yp ‘Her Head May Be Soft, but Her Heart Is Hard! THAT's THE THIRD I'VE TURNED DOWN Ken Kline: ’ oF DUMBBELLS soon. The name of the theatre Is, be- ing withheld DOWN TO EARTH, EH? Dodson Mitchell, who is in London with Mrs. Mitchell, has written us of had there which was far from pleasant “I had read my play, “Cornered,” to a London producer in a hotel,” says @n experience he his letter, “and he, Mrs, Mitchell and I stepped into a ‘lift’ to go down to the office floor, The Londoner asked: "What the authors connected with this play? “I told him the royalty, as paid by Henry W. Savage in America, and he Waa astonished “"That may be all right for -Amer- lea,’ he said, ‘but this is London. Come down to earth.’ “Right there the ‘lift’ did exactly that Something broke and we dropped clear to the cellar. I strug- gied out of the wreckage and looked is stipend They were nowhere to be seen. Later my wife appeared at our room, still alive, but somewhat battered up, 1 took a tape measure and found the bump had ‘caused me to settle one inch, A few more such falls and U'tl be able to play Jackie Coogan’s roles in the movies.” RUSSIAN BRINGS THANKS. Nikolai A. Rumiantseft, a sentative of the Moscow is in New York., He brought a spe- cial message to Nikita Balief and Morris Gest, and through them to the American artists of (he the American public repre- Art Theatre, theatre and thanking all concerned for the food remittances sent the players of the Moscow theatres and their children as a re- sult of the benefit performance of Balleft's “‘Chauve-Souris” on April 9. Mr, Runilantseff while jere will make arrangements for a series of per- formances in New York in Octob by the Moscow Art Theatre com- pany. GOSSIP. Eddie Cantor wants jokes he can use in “Make It Snappy He'll pay for them with seats to the show for Mra, Mitchell and t producer.' Marion Hutchins has replaced Rhy Derby in the part of Ellen in “The Goldfish,” at the Astor The Sixteen Tiller Dancing Girls of "Good Morning, Dearie,” are out to- day buying wedding presents for seven other Tiller girls who are to be married soon in London Irene Franklin, who will play the Proctor vaudeville houses in the near future, has a new repertoire of songs wyjtten by her husband, Burt Green. Missouri has passed a law which, beginning Sept. 1, will prohibit the employment children under six- teen years of age in concert halls, theatres or other places of amuse- ment, Jolin Emerson, President of the Lauity, has written from Paris say- ing that actors over there play seven nights a week, and Saturday and Sunday afternoons as well. In some theatres, say he, there are three matinees weekly Yred Ardath, who begins at Proc- tors Fifth Avenue Theatre to-day, will offer his old “Hiram” barnyard He engaged a company mede up Of pigs. geese and chickens, all of whom are excellent actors. of A THOUGHT FOR TO-DAY. Johnny Kilbane still has the stage to fal) back on. Bul the chances arg WOULDN'T STAY DEAD. 66Q2ORTER funny Jerkawa Missourian it he doesn't Johnny. car FOOLISHM about ENT. Mary went to see a show, And she was chewing gum. She stuck it underneath her seat Jobn When things vegan to hum. The lady scrubber found the gum Next day and mad was she, It wasn’t any good to her; She didn't chew, you see. FROM THE CHESTNUT TREE, (Fron: Capt. Bil Douglas.) stated the gaunt “He was bad sick, ‘peared like his to be a stage door Englishmin (seeing signs over sub- way entrances)—It doesn't affect me that way, old top. American Englishman—The doesn’t entrance me, bus. subway Let's What do you mean? ke It a he pulled his string of fish out and looked at them, very excited, and re- marked: “If you am the fish which I caught, which yéu am, you sure have shrunked.''—Judge. A marched up to a ticket office in a station and, to the sur- prise of the clerk, asked for a ‘'sea~ man’s return," “We only issue them to seamen," ““What!'' exclaimed Mr. “Don't you love the cor you were born and raised? sah, Oy I'se been livin’ in tow so long was I done and lost my tast for de countr: Judge, P charming wife and famiy whom he was very fond, but Professorlike, his thoughts were al! ways on his books. One afternoon Mrs. breath had left him. His folks ‘lowed he was dead. They had him in the front room, and the preacher was just about to finish the funeral sermon when the house caught afire, “Nacherly, everybody ran out, and John hopped from the coffin: and tagged along after ‘em, He explained A SLIGHT MISTAKE, ROF. PERKINSON had A CLEAR CASE. SWAGGER, well dressed. man verkinson wen} later that he had been in sort of a] the clerk pointed out, politely. motoring with a party of friends an swoon, he reckoned it was, till finally] The applicant looked at him in|did not return home until evanine he woke up and found himself in the | anger. The house seemed remarkably que’ front room, As he had never been in] ‘Why, you leather-necked, swivel-|to her. She had left the childrer eyed son of a sea cook, if you feel my starboard boom running foul of your headlights you'll haul in your jaw tackle a bit, and then’’—— “Give him a_ ticket, quick!" shrieked an inspector standing near. “He's one right enough,’’—Judge. A Joe,"’ moved with Mr. Brown, the son of his former master, from the old farm to Nashville. One day Uncle Joe asked Mr. Brown what patriotism is. “Why, Uncle Joe, patriot'*m means there before he had no idy where he playing about, but now they were no vhere to be seen “Where are the children, Harold?" she inquired, “Why,” said the husband, “the: were making a good deal of noise, #) I just put them to bed without wai ing for you or calling the maid.”’ “I hope they gave you no trouble, said the wife. "No," said the Professor, the one in the back reot fected a good deal to ms him and putting him to be Mrs. Perkt children. PATRIOTISM. old Negro, known as ‘‘Uncle was nor how to get out, and he had aimed to lay quiet during the enter- tainment and then foller the guests,’* ansas City Star. SUDDEN SHRINKAGE. NCLE Elzie, after a half day's | J fishing, was owner of quite a string of goed-sized fish, and was very proud of his catch, He had ‘exon them in the water on a string await- He ob ing time to go home. cima ceaainl Fishing at the same place were a ” couple of mischievous boys, and notic- ing Uncle Elzie’s string they thought they would trade while he was not |love of one’s country. Don't you love} “Why. Harold!" she cried looking, putting a string of smal) fis: | your country?" in the back room is little Osc in place of his larger ones “No, sah,’’ replied Uncle Joe, *'1} Mooney who lives next doget!"—Ph When Uncle Elzie was ready to don't love no country."* adelphia Ledger,