The evening world. Newspaper, January 20, 1922, Page 33

The Wit If you doubt it, read the following epi; , in prose and verse, on such subjects as women, marriage, lawyers, doctors and fools, which I have collected from the earlier num- vers of “Poor Richard’s Almanac, published by Franklin for twenty-six years, from 17383 to 1758, inclusive. "The family of fools is ancient. Never spare the parson's wine or the baker’s pudding. Visits should be short, like a win- ter’s day, Lest you're troublesome, hasten away. ‘A housé without a wornan and fire- light is like a body without soul or eprite. Neer take a wife till thou hast a house (and a fire) to put her in. Is't not enough plagues, wars and famines rise to lash our crimes, but must our wives be wise? Let thy maid-servant be faithful, strong and homely. He's gone, and forgot nothing but to say farewell to his creditors. After three days, men frow weary of a wench, a guest and weather rainy. : To lengthen thy life lessen thy meals. The proof of gold is fire, the proof ef woman gold. the proof of man @ ‘woman. Tongue double brings trouble. Take counsel in wine, but resolve afterward in water. Men and melons are hard to know. She that will eat her breakfast in her bed, ‘and spend the morn in dressing of head, her head, ‘And sit‘at dinner like a maiden bride, And talk of nothing all day but of le, God tn His mercy may do much to save her, But what @ case is he in that shall have her. Better slip with foot than tongue. Where there's marriage without love there will be love without mar- as old men note, hath Niened ‘Where those Mwed are without would fat in ded thoes ‘that are within would fain t out. Grief Often treads upon the heels of pleasure, Married in haste, we oft repent at leisure ; Some by experience find these words misplaced, Married at leisure, they repent in ec. ome men grow mad by studying much to know, ‘ But who grow mad by studying good to grow? ‘Teach your child to hold his tongue, he'll learn fast enough to speak. If you would be revenged of your enemy govern yourself Lawes, like to cobwebs, catoh small 8» Great ones break through before your eves. He does not possess wealth, it pos- sesses him. Onions can make even heirs and widows weep. Marry your son when you will, but your daughter when you can. He that goes for to marry will either deceive or be deceived. Three may keep a secret if two of them are dead. A man is neyer 80 ridiculous by those qualities that are his own as by those that he affects to have. Here comes the orator with his flood of words and his drop of rea- son! Sal laughs at everything you say. Why? Because she has fine teeth. An old young man will be a young old man. Ged works wonders, now and then; Behold! @ lawyer, an honest man! If you know how to spend less than you get, you have the philosopher's stone, He that takes a wife takes care. Why does tha biind man’s wife paint herself? None preaches better than the ant, and she says nothing. God heals and the doctor takes the fee. Mary’s mouth costs her nothing, for she never opens it but at other's expense. I saw few die of hunger, of eating 100,000. A countryman between two lawyers is like a fish between two cats. Ta whom thy secret thou dost tell, To him thy freedom thou dost sell. ‘Tell a miser he's rich, and a woman she’s old, you'll get no money of one, nor kindness of t’other. ‘Women are books, and men the readers be, Who sometimes those books erratas see; Yet oft the reader's raptured with each line, Fal print and paper, fraught with sense divine; Tno some, neglectful, seldom care to in And faithful wives no more than Ubdles heed, Are women books? says Hodge, then would mine were An Almanac, to change her every year. 4 an old wife, an old dog, and ready money. Is there anything ‘men take more pains about than to make themselves unhappy? Keep your eyes wide open before marriage, half shut afterwards. Never entreat a servant to dwell ‘with thee. He that falls in love with himself will have no rivals. Hear no il! of a friend, nor speat any of an enemy. Wien man and’ woman die, as poets ee and ESA) foe Benjamin Franklin The Wording Is Quaint But the “‘ Punch” Is Still There Nearly a Century Old, His Philosophic Epigrams Show That, Though the World’s Customs May Change, Human Nature Is Ever the Same. By Marguerite Dean. Coperidht, 1982, (Now York Fvening World) by Press Publishing Co, B celebrate this week the 216th birthday of Benjamin Franklin, statesman, scientist, philosopher and newspaper man. But, though Ben has been dead a long time, much of his wit and wisdom is alive. aung, Wisdom S exe RARER ce last, the tongue. _ Sin is not hurtful because it is for- bidden, but it is forbidden because it is hurtful. To hear other people's’ afflictions, every one has courage enough and to spare. The poor have little—begoars none; ‘The rich too much—enough not one. Janc, why those tears?—why droop your head? Is then your other husband dead? Or, doth @ worse disgrace betide? Hath no one since his death applied? He makes a foe who makes a jest. Don't overload gratitude; if you do, she'll kick. At twenty years of age the will reigns; at thirty, the wit; at forty, the judgment, Money and good manners make the gentleman. One good husband is worth two good wives; for the scarcer things ure, the more they're valued. To err is human; to repent divine; to persist, devilish The sleeping fox catches no poultry. Up! Up! If you'd lose a troublesome visitor, lend ‘him money. Epitaph on a acolding wife by her husband; ere my poor Bridget's corpse doth | she ia at rest and so am |. Life with Fools consists in Drink- ing; with the Wise Man, Living s thinking. (XHEHE (RERREREWEP, Why Not Look’ ie Your Best? § By Doris Doscher #% Copyright, 1922. (New York Evening World) by Press Publighing Co. THE DRY SHAMPOO. TOO frequent shampooing often has a bad effect on the scalp, because it dries up the natural ofl and the hair, being brittle, splits and breaks. Btill the hair that is not shampooed fre. quently {s liable to be greasy and har bor dust and dirt ‘and so be very un- attractive. But a @7y shampoo af- for @ relief from both @@ these con- ditions, and it will cleanse the hair, deaving it fluffy without drying up the’ natural oils, and so can be taken to advantage, especially in the win- ter time when many people dread taking cold after a shampoo, This dry method % an excellent way to keep the hafr’in perfect con- dition, It is best done by mixing together and rubbing through a fine hair sieve. Orris Root (powder) seses © OF, Cassia Flowers (ground coarse). 3 dr. Or, instead of the cassia flowers, you can mix to a half an ounce of orris root eight ounces of cornstarch and ten drops of oil of violets. But if your hair is blonde or gray a mixture of fine cnrnm powdered orris root, one ounce, is haps better for you. Shake well together and then sprinkle over the entire head, rubbing ‘somewhat vigor- ously, and’ then see that it is well brushed out. Do not use this oftener than once a week. While you are dusting it into the hair it is a splendid time to massage the scalp. The brushing and massag- ing should be continued until all of the shampoo powder has been re- moved, This should leave the hair , clean and fluffy because the pow- has absorbed the accumulation of st, dirt and superfluous oil, It will also ‘perfume the hair, as the smell of orris root or oil of violets is very’ pleasing. This does not by any means take the place of the regular shampoo, which should be done at least once a month. But you will find ctlons this dry shampoo you will not » to wash the hair so often as to cause it to be too dry or else have an overflow of oil, which often hap- pens, contrary to general belief, from too frequent shampooing. al, two ounces, and that if yon will follow the dir for ist Conyrignt, 192 HEL light colored veil can be nicely cleansed by putting it into a glass jar containing two cuptu!s of wood alcohol; cover and thoroughly shake for several min- utes, Rerr the vell, squeeze it gently and roll on a smooth board or a round stick to dry. When a yell becomes wrinkled do not try to ivon it. Roll it smoothly, then steam over the tea-kettle, Black cloth garments can 1 nicely cleaned with warm water to which has been added spirits of am- monia in proportion of three to one. Apply with a sponge or a dark cloth, after which rub with clean water and be sure to rub With the nap. If there » mud spots a piece of raw potato ubbed on the spots will remove them Wwe handke’ n who car about — their chiefs do not send them to 1 laundee con em RRR RE RE CREA RY RE RRR EE RMN, ; What Every Woman Should Knyw : By Emilie Hoffman. (New York Evening World) by Presa Publishing %. - “THE EVENING WORLD, BIT SIG RE elite er peg ee ta TRE . kK ‘OF IN THE MORNI EFORE YOu HWE Y6u ON FRIDAY, JANUARY 20, 1922.7 J RY 20 Corrine, 1992, Qxew Fork Brenine Wort By pres Pubiisniog Coe PALE AND COLORLESS Do You KNOW WHAT YOu MAIKE NE THINS OF AFTER YOU ARE ALL Se PAINTED uP > AR ‘ Do You KNOW WHAT YOu MAISE NE THINK OF IN THE NORNING BEFORE YOu ARE SHAVED > YOu _MAIKE NE THINS OF A GORGEOUS ge3 2 SUN _ SET A PIECE OF NOLDY CHEESE. AND AFTER. SHAVING SAME PIECE OF CHEESE WITHOUT THE MOLD The Jarr Family By Roy L. McCardell Copyright, 1929, (New York Evening World) by Press Publishing Co, 6eé F course, when a girl gets at or declared. “Of course, a good aS , say from Wife isn’t the kind that's appreciated ah Sane ee oe M pad these days, If I were like some of ‘ stwelve to fifteen, she’s the worn I see around here who hardest to dress and nothing looks smoke and neglect their homes, run just right on her,” remarked Mrs, ning to all sorts of places, I'd be mort ert “ appreciated, I suppose!’’ And Mrs. Jarr, apropos of nothing, “and our Jarr blew her nose with a wisp of i little Emma isn't much more than a handkerchief in a manne baby, and does look so sweet in any- thing one gets for her—and yet, after also. ail, clothes of a child of that age are just like the clothes of all other chil- dren of that age who are in the same circumstances in lfe—they don’t mean anything.” _“They mean I have to pay for them,” ventured Mr. Jarr. “Your speaking like that does mean gomething, however,” said Mrs. Jarr idly. “It means’ something very mean; it means you don't appreciate our dear little children “I was only joking!” remarked Mr. Jarr hastily. “Are you going to make an ascension simply because I make a harmless little comment?” “Ascension, what do you mean by ascension?” asked Mrs, Jarr, “Going up in the air, that's what!” Mr. Jarr replied. ‘Sometimes I think the words ‘marriage license,’ mean that marriage gives women a license to say anything they want to say and a man no }icense to say any- thing whatever." “Well, marriage doesn’t give any man any license to say anything that hurts a good wife's feelings!'’ Mrs, tion?” Mr. Jarr inquired. said anything to wound you tenderest emotions ?"’ “A man who can speak speak about his dear little evidently doesn't love them, mother either!"’ Jarr. “Ah, now it is indifference lect, next it will be extreme on my part. Then will come ing of the papers and the ment by which I can pay you ary through a lawyer and children once a week,’’ said with a grin. ‘Come, don't t: tle remark so seriously, for ensue,’” “I was only thinking of ge little Emma some dresses at reduction sales they hold in « clothes after the holidays, Jarr, sadly, “and you com! “No, I didn't, I reaily «id Jarr protested.” “I only m« ‘One cannot spend one's im: put it in bank at the same | “Yes, that can be donc Mrs. Sarr’ quickly." dresses are so cheap now | buy things for our mma the difforence less than w ; *% holidays, in the bank. have a savings ‘hank each of the children, and t! Emma is old enough to br and Willie old enough to £¢ lege” “They can yourself you can sav/ the troning by carefully smoothing g.t the handker- chiefs against the mirror or the win- dow while wet. When dry they will be perfectly smooth. Once in a while soak the handkerchiefs over night in water in which @ teaspoon- ful of cream of tartar has been dis- solyed, This wili keep them white, Why strain the eyes trying to darn table linen neatly? Simply loosen the stitch of the sewing machine, and without putting the foot of the ma- chine on the cloth, as usual, just stitch back and forth quite closely, then reverse the process horizontally until the tear 1s completely covered. When laundered the darn will be less noticeable than if done by hand, it we ways been saying. W: ) an account for each of them, if we could only put a bank for each of them ¢ “Wouldn't it be grand to bank every week?” inte: Jerr. “Just wouldn't it?" “To take in or put out? as vinsky says?" Mr. Jarr ing “To put out, I mean tik course,” replied Mrs, Jur: ean you buy with money the bank? Why, if oné bank every cent that and kept it there, ons be poor and jie doy Mr, Jarr only discarded kin electric forms cy ave lighter than forms that come for this al You will find light) bub handy sto usual rouned - —~ whimpered way a great deal of unhappin« sneer at what it would cost you tI have had to pay for thei b« We have enough,” Mr, Jarr interrupted * “But, really, that's what . | that plainly signified she had it ready for tear “Why these shoots in my_ direc “Have I in your as you children or their Mrs. and neg cruelty the serv rrange a my sal Mr. Jart ake a li it is that s may tting our these bit lidven id Mr need t nt t k mar a 2 STE The Heart of a Girl By Caroline Crawford Copyright, 1922, (New York Evening World) by Preas Publishing Co, Which Man Will Peggy Choose for a Husband? The story of a typleat New York eli, Peggy Dayton, eighteen, who has J entered busineys as a sterorrapher. Ber heart vided between two love Billy Bracton; her, own ure. ad Harrison Town well-to-do bachelor, ten years enlur, ‘The of ice opens 1 Hegin new’ lovers: Hew a ew #3 riences, 8 storv to-day. Every instalme tte tow ebinede ie A LETTER FROM TOWNLEY. iGY'S, sprained ankle and her London and as blue as the fog which inability to go to the office for peg md me, your letter, your first en . ra alk : etter to me, which I have in my the next ten days did not seem waisteoat pocket, is the only ray of Peggy's so much of &@ sunshine in my life. That was a fsa hardship as she wonderful letter from you, Peggy. 3S) had expected, , “I Would not dare tell you the num- a ‘The next morning LCT of times I read that line where ly 6 you say, ‘I have missed you, Harrison. her mother ar- Even when [ was dancing with Billy ranged a cosy and other men | thought of you and corner for her at St times was almost afraid I'd call : b \ them Harrison.’ the living room “If you have missed me Peggy, window and like that, then all this trip, this test brought In two bunches of flowers Of My going to Europe for two mont to find out whether you really: ie me or not seems worth while. Re- member, I didn’t have to go to test my love. I knew. I wanted to find out whether you were as happy with your little young crowd as you With me, a man ten years your sen. “I told you how I missed you the steamer and how I kept w I could point out the ship me take the walks upon deck and discuss the varlous Well, I have had that to show you about and a letter from Townley. There was a big bunch of violets from Billy and there were some very dainty lavender erchids from Jack Reed, “My but Billy will be wild when he sees those orehids,"’ laughed Peggy. “You must be nice to Jack for his mother's sake alone,’ replied M Dayton as she arranged the flowers ides I think Jack pretty clever boy.’* “He's full of fun and I half Mked him myself,'’ confessed Peggy, ‘but Lilly was so frightfully jealous of him that I must give him“up. Billy says on longing West- parks, with- out you. “Together we could’ enjoy every nook and corner over here, but alone, and by the way this is only my second trip, it seems like being in me London minster Abbey, the quaint littl the country spins mean nothing ‘Be is a : prison, he is a rival, I know Jack has an “Your letter was full of the many idea that he can outdo Billy, but Jack intereging things you have been do- doesn't know my heart."" ing. 1 enjoyed frank descrip- tions of the dance But, most of all, [ « where you said you Write and tell me abo and tell me, you litt just how much (or hay missed me. Until I receive that letter, Pe Phen you care a good deal about ly?" asked Mrs, Dayton. ‘I certainly do," declared Pegry, “but I suppose that after I read this letter from Townley I will become entimental about him." id theatre party, yyed that part missed me. it your crowd heart-breaker, little) you I “AN right. I'll leave you alone," You can imagine me wandering od naturedly replied her mother, eraly <ieees bandon, sights nd you may become as sentimental Gropping into ihe ciun to see itt 1s" you please,”* any chance a steamer with a from you something Meanwhile, Pevicy you are as happy a Peggy leisurely slipped a@ penknife rough the envelope and still more leisurely drew forth the letter. She voy ude the knew she was going to read a letter wistful and as des'r fil of interest and declarations of @8 + om to come | and before she delved into its ®%4 te you. HARRISON TOWNLEY re-read t ‘ tely drew. w bor nts she took one last glance at They seemed to blink her with all V Lilly's violets hg. ‘Then she dashed into; My, Dearest Keggy:. Hore 4 amin ow—Pegay's Letter {OREO Cats”! Copyright, 1922, (New York Hvening World) by Press Publishing Co. ’ She toils not, neither does she sin, Yet Solomon in all his glory— (To say nothing of a mere wife, or even a high salaried business woman)— ‘Was not arrayed as one of these! She’ Perfectly Nice Girl, But—she lives at home with a de- voted mother and an adoring father, And she spends every cent of the salary that hasn't yet sufik to pre- war levels On her clothes! She has three times as many of them % Courtship and : Marriage | By Betty Vincent Copyright, 1922, (New York ‘World: ty Press Publiing Gone . ba BD are Mi8S VINCENT: 1 Cae the Office Kitten! am a young lady twenty years of age and am practically engaged to a young man four years my senior. | love him dearly and | know my love is i Jam am day. wy, sweetheart is in his manner of what | would like to know is, how can |. without hurting his feel- ings tell him that he ought to dress more bald a You can't do this “without hurting his feelings.’ After all it ts much better to appreciate him for his good qualities and wait until you are mar- ried before you turn him into a tashion-plate. “Dear Miss Vincent: | am a young girl and | have been going with a boy a little older than myself. He admits that | am his favorite girl friend, but he makes some of my girl friends think that them better. | have tried ing for me, and that Lam a sing fancy, Shall t treating this young man eared for him or shall Pd more indifferent? Me T am afraid there are ‘too many friends in your cdse. Why wer your heart upon your sleeve and lot all of them see it? Better play the role of the “indifferent lady’? for s time. a a great many friends but have pleased me | seldom any attention to them. pay ‘hree years ago | v-s introduced to a ‘ears my senior and although did not care much for him then, | do now. At that time he took me to # dance « J proposed to me, wait a ir na i range things ncially. fine! would like to have him fo! a friend, but would have to know him longer before we become gaged. He seemed awfully up but said he would write to me. 1 never received any word from All of his friends send to me from him. Should yy word back or should forget him? D. G.” You were probably too young to ap- preciate his proposal or know whether yeu cared for him then. By all means #end him a message—one to call or write to you--through his friends. young man ¢ Fables %, Fair The Office Kitten By Marguerite Mooers Marshall. MORAL: Everybody Loves Her—Except the “Old | & as the boss's efficient private sec- retary, r a Who earns ¢hree times as much money, “” For the Office Kitten isn't saving up To take care of her old age! = She knows perfectly well she baz only to choose among eager dates val For THAT job! ake % There is the assistant to the Prest- dent, % ‘The manager of the shipping dépark ment, The salesman who covers the Soutif west, w ‘The chief statistician at And an assortment of bookkeepe® | clerks and office boys— ~ we Bach of whom longs to give the Of- fice Kitten pel A home and a soft cushion and creath every day for breakfast. “a She's SO sweet and cunning— ” “she wears curls, usually blond, *? And a neat little pink-and-white complexion— be (To keep it tidy, there’s all the neé- essary material in the top drawer of her desk, . Y As well 11 the boss’s time)— And a saucy, turned-up nose, . And no ears, And absolutely nothing above them. Brains would only hamper her— Giggles come easier and go furth ~ When she can’t answer a questign sho giggles; ia When she types a letter with sfx | misspelled words, and has to write it, a She giggles ‘When she sits on the corner of the desk and swings her pretty legs, Ghe giggles; When she pats a man’s arm oF brushes her fingers against his, Ls stands close to him in the eleva tor— * Every Office Kitten has these playf}! tricks!— ‘ i She giggles! Reese egmenpe nat } She thinks that There’s Nothing Lite — a Little Fun to Brighten Up tile Office— > As a Brightener she has no superior and few equals. Everybody loves her and her af ways— ; Except, maybe, one or two cranky efficient females, ‘Who have to do the work she badly or leaves undon - Who must listen sympathetically to the male blurbs about “that sweet little thing,” “that bright little © girl,” | ‘Who must even echo, outwardly, this enthusiasm, 3 Unless they wish to be branded as “Jealous old cata”— ' Which perhaps they are! Yet they may as well resign them- selves: To every Office, its Kitten. i ‘The individual marries, but the type persists, * Four-footed felines have nine lives But the Office Kitten has life eternal! Ellabelle HE) Women's Betterment League of Delhi met Wednesday after- noon in Hugus Hall to draw up a formal protest to the Mayor and Couneilmen regarding the practice of permitting cows to roam in the streets of the town. Mrs. Elisha Q. Pertle, Promptress of the league, was indignant when she called the meeting, to order. “Lady members,"’ she sald, ‘you ull know what we are here for, To- day I counted four cows an one bull calf on Main Street. Why, one cow was actually looking into Rosen- stein’s Jewelry store window.’ “Maybe she wanted a ring for her nose,"’ suggested Mrs, Cutie Boggs, whose sense of humor often gets the better of her. “Order!"' snapped Promptress Per- tle. ‘There is a city ordinance which forbids owners to let cows browse in These owners take no our streets. notice of it."? “Why not have it read asked Mrs. Boggs. “That will do!'? said Promptress Pertle, ‘We all know your husband is a dalryman,’’ to the “And tt has been said,"’ came from , Mrs. Skeeter O'Brien, ‘that he uses the pump quite freely It looked as though a violent argu- ment would enane. At that point, however, something happened. A ender girl stepped to the front of rostrum and held up one hand Ho not expel gentility and kind s from thy hearts,"’ she said ew liabelle Mae Doolittle, the dd poetess. As she stood there in Kalamazoo — flannelette ( with little boop-berries, she utiful sight read 4 poem," she an- dulence delb pounord, By Bide Dudley Copyright, 1922, (New York Evening World) by Press Pubtishing Oo, jive Doolittle then read the follow~ ing: Our streets are for pedestrians, But cows are hardly that; To-day within my breast began A heart-beat, pitty-pat. ® It said: “Do not blame the cots, For they are seeking fodder;” By “fodder” I do not mean “father,” A joke like that ts shoddy. My sister's child, Teeney Ricketts, Loves to eat bananas; Do not eat too many, my dear one, Your stomach's no panorama, But getting back to roaming cows— Mayor, keep them off the streets; They may be all right in winter, But have fites when there is heat. The poem made the ladies forget all about the argument that seeméd imminent. They were silent a mo- ment; then the full realization of the rhyme's beauty struck them and they applauded with great gusto, All were pleased. —_—_—_—_—_——X—X Do Your Own Housework and Stay Beautiful ‘The Modern Woman has “sera) dishes ? the spells the eoping wud dusting, the freshness of comple xtoi he knows that with sufficient and proper vare she can preserve the beanty of both. She keeps @ tube of VELOGEN hand: She rubs some into her face utter fi) daily dasting, and @ generous her hands after every she GEN gets right inte the pores, 1 tl rrecting — draw! ‘dust and co any face and wrinkled, Ab dng, Devgsiave—B0e a Tube, roughness, . & wanis smooth, leaves the white and ‘wn >