The evening world. Newspaper, May 20, 1918, Page 14

a ee ee ee ~~ a ee en ei ere arose 2 eee ene Sees ee ee ee Sea. ceew. enasnernne NY “¥ yy 2 Ve MONDAY, M “ola AY 20, 1918 ‘What's a Husband’s Value? He’s Quoted Above Par She Can Always Get Another, but Seconds Are Only Copies, Without the Fire of ihe Original, and One Husband Ie Worth More Than Many, So Husband Is Worth Most to Woman Who Gets Him First. As Wife's Safety Valve Love Letters of a Rookie to «“Dere Mable” MONDAY, MAY 20, 1918 Kaiser’s Yodelling Proves Real Laughs From an American Army Camp ILLUSTRATIONS BY PRIVATE “BILL BRECK” FROM LIEUT. EDWARD STREETER’S FUNNIEST By Nixola Greeley-Smith OME disoussion arose last week! to a girl who will be a June bride, from the fact that two separate juries awarded $25,000 to a woman for the loss of her hus- band, and $20,000 to @ man for the lors of his foot Cynics deduced from the lesser judg- ment for the widow pe a distinct legal dis- Likes paragement of the SESS pudand’s value, Sen- timentalists waxed : indignant over both ES verdicts Yet I am sure the juries acted without intent to impair the hus- band’s standing in the community, having in mind merely that while « husband may ba a foot must be, a jos. The most aggressive mase will not deny that a certain deprecia- min the value of husbands has taken place in the last fifty years The Mormons have tho idea no woman can be saved unless she Is married. While our grandfathers and grandmothers did not identity marriage with celestial salvation, they | made every earthly advantage depend upon it, Bocially, economically, unmarried woman was a zero, She could have no separate exis no household of her own. She could not work save at school teaching and sew- ing, then the only occupations con- sidered respectable. To ambition, to| achievement, power of all the sources of middle age, marriage was for woman the only gate. Conse- quently the entire energies of the female sex were concentrated on get- | that ence, re- | “of course you love {man you are going will always it. You the marry 1 know But if marriage | young | to and love him. are sure of ft. |should ever happen that | gets a@ Little stale and you begin to} |think that some other man ta the| answer, please | will rub your head |headache and will | beautiful on moving da men will romance about you as bonds or get Red you find you! Of course porta of Li contributions to Your husband will you go home tired, cross and very much the worse for your| day of patriotic effort. ‘The | men may think you are an angel, but| your husband will know just how| disagreeable and fretful you can be after a sendion at the drewemaxer’s or | a fruit a cook. Ho ts] the love when you have typhold fever and will find excuses for you even If you got who other weav DU Re he | Cross. see when other sa quest for only person who will you| fat. Stick to one husband, my dear. Divorce {8 so commonpi My ad-| vice to every fl is ‘don't get a di-j| vorce and d t buy a cape, Both are being turned out by the hundre i] thou ne J Because I quote this old reaction-| ary some one may ask if I do not) believe in divorce. I belleve in di vorce as I believe in fever 0} bankruptey or scarlet Germany, and I b | lieve in protecting people from them all | Divorce is one of the new elements | | which must be considered in estimat-| remember that your] |nusband is the only man alive who | 4 if you have a} § WAR BOOK OF “PRIVATE BILL'S” ADVENTURES “OVER HER ting married, and the most cutthroat | competition and the most shoddy | methods prevailed in the ono business in which women were expected take part. I have always doubted whether men, {f custom and tradi- teen or twenty years of smoothing and sandpapering, you finally got a |man shaped to your ideal and then | some other woman walks off with ‘him, a husband is not an asset but to ing a husband's value. If, after fif-| | tlon had limited them all to one pur- sult, would have followed it with leas triokery and déception than women. But then, of course, men could nc have been so restricted for more than one generation. ‘Their inherent love of Iberty would have forced them to break through the barriers of preju- dice and custom, and so would have preserved them from developing the harem traits of the old-fashioned female, To-day, because women are able to work pnd because it is admitted among more advanced cireles that u married females over thirty may be of some use to the community, the husband has not ths economic and social value which he possessed in tho | Vietorian era, But there are other ways in which the value of @ husband is still para- #mount. { He is priceless as a confidant. To Ja Nability: We a while that women do not stand side by side with | thetr husbands any more; do not cn | courage and inspire them, hear once and There are cases where inspiring a “Honest Mable, if I'd Put In the Work I Done Last Week | husband ts just lke putting improve. | | ments on a rented house, You have] to leave the improvements when you)! | move away and the new tenant gets | the benefit of them, | So @ husband's value ts not the! stable quantity tt was before the| fluctuations introduced by divorce. | No matter how great a prize he is in| the beginning, some other craft flying the black flag may board your ship and make the captain walk the pla A second husband ts just a replica of the first. We know that an ar- | tist's copy of his own work may be | faithful to the tintest detail and yet! lack the fire and beauty of the origi- nal. And when life sets out to copy k. TT" call it the funniest war book—"“Dere Mable—Love Letters of a Streeter of Camp Wadsworth and the 27th drawings of the rookle and his adventures “over here” are done by Pri-| | MY MAD A REFUTASHUN POR A DBYIL WITH THR Wreen’” on the Panamah Canal, it Would Have Been Workin’ Long Before It Was. Of Course, There Was a Lot of Fellows There With Me, but It Seemed Like All They Did Was Stand 'Round and Hand Me Shovels When I Wore ’Em Out.” By Marguerite Mooers Marshall Rookie"”—and I have not r people laugh harder. ad one which re Mable” 1 think will make more is written by Lieut, Edward) New York Division, and the vate William G. Breck (“Bill Breck”), also of the 27th New York (“1 Been Doin’ / whom else dare a woman eonfide her | {ts masterplec endeavoring to re- intimate opinions with assurance that| Produce the ardors of first love, the ‘they will not be betrayed? How, ox- ‘illusions of a first marriage, though cept in marriage, can she express ‘her | t reproduces every situation exactly, real aititude to life and people? To| ‘he replica ts only a food copy. Fire whom else would she reveal that she | 4"d faith are gono, and, like the wan has a pivot tooth? What she really|derer in the desert who eee in a thought when she smiled and said,|™rage the shade of palm trees for “I'm 60 glad you told me,” to the| his tired body and the cool refresii woman who complained that her little | Ment of an embowered spring for his boy had thrown a stone at a Persian | Parched lips, his haste Drings us no eat; what she would have liked to do | Nearer to what wo see ahead, for they | to the laundry that lost her tablecloth; | 4r@ tusions, what ehe thinks about people with| 80 the value of one husband ts py mania—all these things and many | greater than the value of many, and others which iy would kill her to bottle | one mate for a Itfetime ts worth more up she can and does tell her husband. | than all the husbands of Lillian Rus- “My dear,” I heard an old lady say sell or the wives of Nat Goodwin, Mirror in Kitchen Keeps' The Cost of Style vs. Shoe The book Bin" to “Mable, snub-nosed, youth movies, food, who the young United his self-satisfaction. It ia through him and his like, going to France by the thousand and ten thousand, that America {s going to do her part in winning tho war; why should geafe, leisurely people at homo expect the dough-boy thrills, de waving? “Private of , flag. Bil" {3 a democratic Wrinkles Away. Leather, soul, Anybody who knows him {sn Sans 5S : aia HEN the at ye going to worry about our new army's average woman, or man, too, W ses shoe clerk of the | fastening upon us ® system of iron- stood in front of a mirror all day Present day saye “Madan, |yound castes, “Private Bill” “don't there would probably be fewer hese shoes are worth their wrinkles; at least, this {s the sugews-; Weleht in gold," he actually ts not like any sargent,” but has the friend tion of the Illustrated World, which | Very far off. A shoo manufacturer in | est feeling for his Captain, He ex- reports the experience of one woman |1nn, Mass, recently made an inter. | Plains that to “Mable” In his first who, through the aid of her child, dis- | ©*ting experiinent, says the Niustrated | World. lar's worth of a ¢ covered this new means of prev ‘The child asked her why she always ain grade of fine made faces at the dishpan. She then He put onto the other Aiscovered that whenever she washed | %#e one silver dollar, dishes she was continually grimacing!W®* the same in each case and frowning. This caused tiny |‘ present time a good wrinkles to start. Bafore she allowed |!eather is actually w ation. shoe leather, pPlece The weight them to make any --»gress she put a |!0 silver, and any commodity which is g0c4 mirror over the sink, just where Worth its weight she could look into it all the o| (which is to way she was doing her work: She a’ reasoned that if it prevented wrink in coin 3 |! not to be called cheap. 1 allver | about a third more lo|than plain bullion silver in the bar) letter, deseribing the task of pitch He put onto a scale one dol- | ing tents in the cantonment to which he has been sent. “Honest, Mable,” he sighs, “if I'd put in the work I done last week on So at/the Panamah Canal it would have °f been workin long before it was. rth ita weight ot there was a lot of fellows there with me, but it seemed like all they did was to stand round and hand me shovels when I wore em out | course 1s a collection fest, most unmitigated American letters from the girl at home, the happy average of the selective service men—the matter-of-fact, who has a healthy while she was washing her dishes ‘would be aided in this regard by plac- | ing a number of mirrors at different Places in the house where she did the most work. be soon found her wrinklos dis- appearing, and also discovered that her general appearance was improv- tag as well, as the mirrors acted as 4 @ stimulant to her personal pride the matter of neatness, sho | of the cocklest, cheer- Prt “Private Bill 1s} selt-mportant American | love for ball games, the) doesn’t exactly hate himself, who 1s| “ates Version of the pollu. It is the| unconsciously childlike quality of him which makes one | smile tolerantly, even at the two worst things about him—iis epelling and | | him I used to stop and talk to him, | Democratic, Thats me all over, Ma- ble, ‘Smith, he says, ‘If they was | all like you round here war would | be hell, no joke,’ By which he meant that we would make it hot for the | Hoshes.’ “We have been here now thre weeks,” the next letter begins, “As| far as IT am concerned I am all] ready to go. I told the Captin that] I was ready any time, He said yx but that wed have to walt for the| slow ones cause they was all goin| together. I says was I to go out drill with the rest for the exam He said yes more » than anything els: Its kind of maddening to be round here when I hang might be there helpin the Sammies put a stop to this thing. “In the guard duty over mean time I been doin Seems like I been doin} it every night but I know what there up against and I Its tecknickle For instance you walk @ post but there aint no| dont Y nothin very |the only thing there good for | Tad Guard Duty. It’s Very Tecknickle. ou Walk a Post, but There Ain't No Post. An’ lou Mount Guard, but You Don’t Really Mount Nothin’. An’ You Turn Out the Guard, but You Don't Really Turn Them Out. They Come Out Themselves.” where, he complains, “the horses has| you ca the softest of anyone., They don't) he makes like a busted steam pipe-| guments even have to get up for breakfast in| Then h the morning. I don't care much for horses," the rookie adds darkly. “I think they feel the samo way about Most of them are so big that the me. ate that kind of a fello, when yo they “that no matter how fus he wore a vé view of the climb up. hors de combat camp you | letter, They are what call} French.” Ho was whe soon as he begins to call a ec towel an says gosh thats great His Rocklike Confidence in His Gra Billhelm’s Skull Piece A Boulder With Ears « Gorillas Is Disproof of the Claim That the Sufferings of War Have Brought About Refining Influence inthe Human Race--But Never Mind, Vermont Is Going to Cancel the War With a Big Gun. By Arthur (‘‘Bugs’’) Baer. Coreright, 1918, by the Press Publishing Co, (The New York Evening World.) HB Kaiser’s yodel that ho has rocklike confidence in his gray gorillas indicates that Billhelm’s #kull is merely a boulder with ears. Garoopalist claims that the refining influences of suffering occasioned by the great war have made the present generation more thoughtful and that even the goldfish have more intelligent expressions on their goldfilled foreheads. Don't know who Garoopalist is, but he ought to find something better to do than espionaging a herd of gold- fish, If you seo @ freshly honed smirk on the face of a stout gentleman with a thin conscience, you will know that he !s one of those genial gents who had the foresight to marry a near-sighted wife who is never able to find his last year’s straw hat. Anybody who has ever seon the shape of the Imperial Hohenzollern skullpiece knows that the only confidence Billhelm could have ts the rocklike brand. Cleverest man wo ever tossed an eye on could carry on @ conversation and watch the taximeter at the same time, ‘There is an unconfirmed rumor that washstands and bureaus tn th theatrical boarding house district will havo at least two casters m ing, as usual, Owing to the fact that the Government may squelch this as in+ formation of value to the enemy, this is no time to say that thero ta no skating on Central Park Lake. Navy !s still short of binoculars and opera glasses. Any patriotic bald-headed gent in the front row who surrenders his telescope wi be rewarded with a season seat on the stage. Hlockade has walloped Berlin so badly that th thunder shower and call it soup. A disabled whiskbroom makes fine synthetic breakfast food, and a yard of the nearest riv orated with powdered chalk {3 milk, They may get away with there, but remember that you can't fo Connecticut horsefly The Greeks may have ilk Trojans with a carrousel ‘ wi to bet a heavily mortgaged cruller against a dull cei ar that they didn’t fool the Trojan horsefiies stick a spoon in a e confidence tn the German Army shows that the ween the imperial ears ts one patch of tvo that woult take the edge off a Jersey skeeter’s bayc If those Troja he inte to have en Hed a regim f horsefiles in thar army the Greeks would never have swindled the Trojans with a lumber horse loaded with roughnecks. The Yankee inventors are keeping up the pace since the U. 8. started to swing a shillelah in the Buropean ballyhoo. One Yank has tn- ted a gun that will shoot across the Atlantic Ocean and knock the Crown Prince loose from his medals, The only trouble is that every time the gun is fired off the concussion rattles ail the chinaware in Vermont and starts a rainstorm, Anybody who has ever inhaled an earful of Vermont chinaware rattling realizes that the horrors of war must be drawing 6 per cent, interest, But the rattle of Vermont crockery is the rattle that is heard round the world and suburbs, When that gun to starting homoeopathic doses of metallic capsules into Berlin, the r will be cured. Vermont always claimed to be at least seven of the tteen original States, and if that Vermont gun cancels the war th reat of us will be so happy that we will buy Vermont soup plates and y ‘em on the graphophone. only had get w e New Inventions for Golfers. No Inventor Can Make You Play Better Golf, but There Are tell hes washin by the nolse/).4 gevised a means of avolding at comes smashin into the tent/for stamping your initial on every leavin the door open and wipes the} ba ice offen his face with sombody elses| illustrated here, reprinted from the | Ti} llustrated World Why 4s {t,”” Bill moans in another| a t rat a reg! For Bill is taking F h lessons! blouze no one thinks he knows whats) at the Y. MC. A roquette” | Some wimen sent our he fondly addresses Mable the be the Baptist Review for three knew I knew more than him as well | tele Always askin me questions, | M I knew he as me. I'd always tell him caus ceive many more letters. Let's | ginning of one letter. He quickly ex-| years back, That aint right, Mable plains, “That's not the kind with the|'They give you candy that comes by evenin dress tooth pick in the top.|the bale, Then they come round an A croquette Is a T h socle Watch you eat it, I bet if you walked woman.” jinto there place an watched them He is made a Corporal, then re- | eat theyd raise an awful holler.’ duced again—owing, of course, to| A hated rival, one Broggins, nearly the jealousy of his superiors, “The | puts an end to the correspondenc Captins been watchin me rise and|bvt he {8 accounted for—how, it] he didn’t like Mable is told. “He | wouldn't be fair to say—and In the rram on the last page of “Deré| quirements, "one gathers that she will re- hope tran-| erick ae Of course, when we buy a pair ot| ‘The Captin appresheates mo post. An you mount guard but you! had a wife and chjldren in Jersey |so—and that Lieut, Streeter shoes for $10 we cannot say that there | though. The other day he watched |dont really mount nothin. An you, City an so I Was sorry for them. | scribes thom for the rest of us actual ton worth of/me work awhile and then he says|turn out the guard but you dont, So Thats me all over, But the} “Dere Mable—the Love Letters of a {eat the prowl Oinae atyle' value | ‘Smith.’ He calls me Smith now, | really turn them out. ‘They come out| other day when T was on guard he | Rookie," {9 published by Fred }tance. It Is safe to say, however, |We got very friendly since I been themselves, Just the other night | says, ‘Corporal, whats the general | A, Stokes Company. |that soon this extreme ‘style valuc ‘nice to him. I noticed none of the |was walkin along thinkin of youl orders% an 1 says, ‘Captin, if you | a people finally realize’ the tan Wi® other follows had much to say to | Mable and my feet which was hurtin, | dont kno them now you never will A POSSIBLE HERO jot leather Siself there will be ple: him. I felt kind of sorry for him.|It made me awful lonesome, An/| and I would be doin no service to my oak wih I could see mise | secn mioally, minded enough who are Hes a human bein even if he is a officer coms up and he says why | country it L told you! Cold but civil “Sty" hero! You have Captin, Mable. You kno bow | cap be, as footwear and for service alone, f So every time I saw dont you draw your pistol when you Mable, ‘ Philadelphia Bulletin ve uns | Luminous Golf Ball ITH the price of a golf bal W soaring higher than arc Schemers Who Hate Tried to Make You Forget Your Other Troubles. Practice Parachute Retrieves the Ball urse, if y your drive and Initial Marker | ou Want to buy @ palls and improve by hole box it on in a drive over swatting them flight e here someone comin. And I says I would be a good trainin | trees, josing ono has become more than One after another, that Is one way to dont wait till the sheep is stole I|camp for artik explorers,” grouses ever a sadden drew ft this afternoon from the Sup-| another of the “Love Letters of a ing experience 1 I showed it to him! Rookie.” “I bet the fello that picks to the golfer ot use two or thice tucked inside my shirt where no one! out the camps ether owns a cold M moderate means Ane aaa could got it away from me without) storage plant in civil life or else iauedapad totaly Lid eald some tussel, you bet, Mable | they do it by mail order, | / ‘i ist Sg aes “But tt ie that you got to keep) “We got i guy that a fresh air | I ae _ ee : edt : ondrawin {t all the time. Then later|fcend, Hes Scoteh, Hes so close} \\ ae cig Rene I here footsteps. I was expectin| himself that he has to have lots of | plan given In the Mustr the relief so I was right on the job. air or hed smother, Ivery nite he! ths - World we tnd An a man come up and I poked my) pulls up the side of the tent by bis extra hour ¢ pictured this pistol right {n his facé and says) bed, No one likes fresh air in it the end of his vention, whieh Halt. Who goos there? And he says| place better than me, Mable, but |day, some enthusiasts will continue | S°lves the whole dimiculty, Why didn't Officer of the day. An dein disap-| when its as fresh as this alr {s tts|to play into the twilight hours, So a | "0m0 Ne a. a It before, in this pointed as who wouldn't be I says) place is outside. ight genius bas Gevieed o golf bel | oo O° Smear Mereopment? It's a Oh hell. J thought it was the relief.| “I think his skin 1a furlined. You whieh is erneeeer = He haan Ming dusearnlenteea Gitano An he objected to that.” can hear him smashin the {ce in tig Sees mee —— bat Le golt ball. You swing and—cra-acach? Bill ts transferred to the artillery,| pale with a hair brush outside. Then} og nunt a firey, Anothor inventor |2Ut Instead of soaring off into whe ‘green beyond, the ball sails for a very Short distance, then the drops it to earth. No matter hard you hit it, the ball wilt travel only a few yards Ho has produced a marker Parachute gently how Both inven you use. ions are \ ae : |Golf Ball Cleaner Adjustable Weight Club | Carried in Pockes for Particular Golfe fiona ot! tha sear een T this ays Popu IA i ft and, io N selweting a golf club lar Mechanics, su ngs as its eping golf balls weight and balance are of as | clean {8 something of a problem, No uch importance to a player as the | more will golf- le and de Jers have to in pe tiffnes | crease the aize or flexibility, of | of their Jaunc the shaft bet bills by using use of this, a i their pocket w type of } handkerchiefs to restore the lttle brassie, one in } pheres to their high visibility, of Iwhich the } arry around a towel, which becomes weight and its an unattractive object after it seve disposition in | eral times has performed its missiow the head can be {This inventor, whose © is pies djusted tured in the Ilustrated World, pre« individual ents a solution the difficulty in the form of a rubber cup and sponze has been de | that can be carried in the golfer's ened This is pocket pictured tn tho 3) | > illustration | UNAPPRECIATED wisdom Countersunk in | “Nothing succeeds ike the sole, and held in pla heavy | marked the dealer in pt es screw, is a metal plug, the inside of] Exactly," responded a which is provided with sockets in |cynic, “It is also true th ning falit moving certain of these members, or | othin an nterchanging them, the weight and |'" a sat tak bros balance may be altered until the club |\ Brora. peda | Why don’ we 4 oak iy properly suited for its user, ! 5 ‘spetea >