The evening world. Newspaper, July 2, 1917, Page 14

and Players _By BIDE DUDLEY THEATRICAL manager, a mo- | tion picture advance agent and A vavdeville performer met in| &@ restaurant last night, each with a laint to voice. he calendar played me a mean | trick this year,” sald the manager. “What's wrobg?” aaked the ea acto) “Why, Decoration Day came on Wednesday and the same thing will | happen rej ing the Fourth of July. i'm thus kept from putting in extra | holiday matinees. I have one show | on Broadway. It has regular mati- | nees on Wednesday. An extra holiday | matinee would net me $1,600. If you'll compute a little, you'll see that the calendar will have cost me $3,000 this ‘But suppose You were In my fix,’ eald the advance agent. “What's that?” “No big feature film has ‘gotten over strong’ recently, I mean like | “The Birth of a Natton’ did. Had ono | made @ big hit it would have taken care of me and twenty other advance men next season. Abs it is, we'll! starve, I guess.” ‘et “You fellows hi a right to kick,” | said the vaudeville performer, “but 40 have 1 “What about?” “The women who attend matinses | in vaudeville theatres, Nearly them their knitting, and we per- formers find it almost impossible to it over.’ The women pay more at- tention to the knitting then they do to us They're making things for sol- diers.” ” “You oughtn’t to kick, then,” sug- gested the manager. “I guess you're right,” came from the vaudeville performer. “But this seemed to be & sort. of a dingruntled party, so I thought I'd ‘disgrunt’ along with the reat.” es) ANNA HAS A NEW ONE, Anna Held is preparing to stage a) series of tableaux called “Anna Held’s Visions,” a i ry Ry view July, possibly in connection w! bg Bint) summer attraction. The tableaux be of a character oal- culated to stir patriotic emotion. BY WAY OF DIVERSION. Bill Baker never worked a lick, Tho thought of Jabor made him sick. He'd lie beneath the Lie A etd = a single pou; was fat an healthy, toor "He lived. a life of ease. Jim Johnson worked from morn till night. Poor Jim was tall and thin and white. He worried all the time. He used to rail at idleness. He'd vow it only brought distress and class it as @ crime. Jim’ Johnson died at forty-five; Bill Baker's very muoh alive, To work be still declines, He ‘as he'll live a . From care Baker still is free. never kicks or whines. This tale ts fiction, reader dear, There really is no lesson here fe, ete, We'd all be uid. We can't and #0 that’s out for good. So long! I've got to eat. SILLY SEASON STUFF. ttle y AN ARMY MAN'S FARCE, | Henry R, Stern has placed with | the Messrs. Shubert for production voon @ new farce called “Bottled Bugs.” It was written by Lieut, Walter 8. voague, U, @, A. What a chance tor rouvenirs the occasion of the Uupptleth performance! Gossip, | The one hundredth performance of “The PB Bhow of 1917" will be given to-night. Anpa Pennington, dancer, will nto the “Follies” to-night with two | \erpsichorean numbe: | The Celtic Players {© present Irish play Ms coun- ry, Their season will open in No- vember, Marguerita Sylva announces she wi do no professional work untii next winter, She ts to visit Mr, and ¥rancis Wilson, From the press department of the | il! be opgrantzed ‘8 in th, \¢ r « Glades comes the statement . len Dallerup is known as “the I Whe ‘The ane handsomest woman in the world.” | clent engine, jon avies Is out of “Oh, Boy!"| having wheezed osing in her own film, “Kun-| japoriously over away . y Vedro de Cordoba, Matt Moore, Ormi | @dUally Romany.” Joseph Kilgour Hawley and others are in the cast. | Edith Hallor, now in the "Follies," ged by Elliott, Com- for the title role in the musical comedy “Leavo It to Jane.” | A nummer opera house is Weing| pamsed tediously gonstructed in the gymnasium of Columbia University. Eight per- | [me ¢t the pas- formances will be given, the first on| Sngers looked The reportory will consist | anxiously out of the windows, while | of “Tosca,” “Faust,” “La Boheme"| others drow their hats down over | and the double bill of “Cavalleria| their fyes and tried to forget It Rusticana” and "Pagiiace!.” A THOUGHT FOR TO-DAY, “I’m a_ rattle-brained fool,” sald Jim Prebble of Hoosierville, Ind, to his fricnd Mike Gres Mike agreed with him and they fought alone Main Street for three blocks before the} constable arrested them FOOLISHMENT. | the difference between a ying and a sculptor dying?” here any?" urs! A barber curls up and dyes, and a sculptor makes faces and Plano Playing tanght 20 lemons, Book mailed free, Origing! Christensen School, | 11 W, 120th oi, el, Morulngside wv00, COMIC PAGE tlee every night Just before bed- time to read some verses from the Bible to her little ones, thone which she par- tloularly endeav- | ored on their youn, turn to him the other one, into the house sobbing bitterly. the other cheek?” “put I couldn't; she hit me in the middle. \é6 rise while the band played “The Star Spangled Banner.’” plained the culprit hastil whistle it for you, so that hereafter you may distinguish it." the prisoner Ustened intently. When his honor had finished, the defendant exclaimed generously: «° playes the tune as you whistled It, pleased judge. conductor came along | OLD GRINDSTC {1 GEORGE SuR PRISE You it @ prac- Among vorses to impress minds was, “Whoso- ver smiteth thee on thy right cheek ‘The following morning Jack came “Why, what's the matter?" anxious- ¥ queried the mother, “Biater hit me.” “Have you forgotten about turning ‘No-n-no, boo-hoo!" wailed Jack, '—Harper’s Weekly, CONTEMPT OF COURT, OUR honor,” informed the policeman as he pointed to the prisoner, “he refused to| “I did not recognize the tune,” ex- my dear man,’ sympathetically, said the “let me ‘The judge whistled the melody and “Your honor, if the band had would not be here to-day," “Discharged! interrupted the well “But the band would,” concluded he man in an undertone as he hastily The etired from the court room. *hristian Herald A SUGGESTION. r was on a local ancient rails, jolted to a restful stop at no plage in par- tleular, Tim When half an hour had elapsed the ductor!” said @ querulous what's the trouble?” “We're taking in water,” was the | explanation “Well, why on another teaspoon rth don't you get Chicago News. FORGOT HIS MISSION. M'CLUE came into the office | oc D yesterday, laughing like a gar- woyle Whence the mirth?” we tnsinu- ce. “Well! says I, ‘run Family all well?’ “Oh, that reminds we, ‘That's why I called. M down here to tell you over. Darn it, your sto} Plain Dealer, fourned, was acec photographers he approached the Capitol, “Lo ok this way,” sald one of the photog- raphers. “Look right into — this lens,” sald other, Marshal looked from one tc the other, “Hold on,” he sald, "You fellows ever hear as! about to kill a steer? suaded a hanger-on to hold the steer while tween the eyes, ‘Going you're lookin’? asked the helper as he waik Ladies’ Home Journal. oe that this lad confessed to ant?” asked a school att and dirty boy “Yes, sir, sponded, thing voluntartly.”” “How did you persua “Well, first I gave hin ing,” sald the parent, put him to bed without him he would stay in be fessed what he'd done should punish him again told me the accord," whole stor HE was waiting for S Gathering her bro ering storm, to keep it warm, and entered the room she began i) “This is a nice time of night nursin when he r ait UT tell you," procrastinated | “You know old Harry? ay r— know I'm late," he hastily interrupt. ed, “but 1 couldn't help tt, my dear, Club had—er—big beauty.” “And what had you that?” demanded the fre forget what I came for.’ ” of the cross-eyed butcher playing ahd took his clothes away told him a story L heard last night] safely ensconced in and that reminded him of one he| with his wife at his feet putting his heard last week, and so it went. finally he said he guessed he'd hav to be toddling along toward the of- And along then, ays Harry. y wife's had to go right made mo veland “DOUBLING IN ONE.” ICE PRESIDENT MARSHALL, ‘congress ad- nated by two He had per- pout the place | thing.” he hit it be- to hit where the helper. ‘Yep,’ replied the cross-eyed butcher, ‘Then hold the steer yourself, said | ed away." PERSUADED, ID I understand you to say voluntarily tru- endance offi- cer, addressing the mother of a small | he did," the woman re- “1 Just had to pi @ little and then he told me the whole rsuade him de him? a good hid- “and then I any supper and told d till he con- and that I in the morn ing. And tn less than half an hour he| of his own Cassel's Magazine. HUSBAND'S SOFT ANSWER. IP him wa like gath ® her wrath discussion on female | to do etful wife. with re’n any one th I was the Yes, we knew him. Approaching | one—er—who had the most beautiful middie age, married but still talk- wife, an'--er-—cours the best au ative, ; That was the fellow thority on female beauty, an “Well, old Harry comes into my of-| "Why don't you take off your over. fice this morning and 1 sald ‘Hello, | coat, Henry? Let me get your slip Harry,’ and he said ‘He Ho, Doe.’ And) pers for you. It's awful ¢ outside. T sald ‘What's on your mind? and he|I think you must be half frozen,’ said ‘Nothing much, I guess.’ Bo 1| Halt @ minute lajfr Henry was ‘Tune. 1 Just who was | Mig Ks LEARNED es his tippers on. Monday, Ju Ecy! Page the Milkman and the Locksmith! The Day’s Good Stori easy chair «niladelphia Inquirer, POSITIVE SIGNS. | UT in New Mexico even public signs come direct to the point. | They did not waste any timo | in wondering how the reader will feel some kind of a stroke, and I was sent | about it. In a garage at | posted: |_ “Don't smoke around t | your life isn’t worth any {line is!” | Albuquerque is he tank! If thing, gaso- And on the wall of a barber's shop at Taos is prominently displayed: “If you can't rfiso 1 whiskers!"—Saturday E: IL. from a day's visit in little Harriet “She | fully rude to me, {mamma," satd Mildred, "She talked cross to me and she wouldn't \let me play with |her dolls and she | told me her father was richer than |ming and every- TIMES HAVE CHA ITTLE MILDRED was aw- ner “Why didn't you ne home?” asked ¢ ‘That's what I should h 1 was a little girl ‘Maybe that's what you done, mamma,” Mildred ri times have changed since little girl, When Harriet I just slapped her face an | Newark News. EXPERT CRITIC IJINSKY, the dancer, is of cou musician, At a reception the ot Nijinsky liste & pianoforte perf rous than skilful, on daughter of the house "M, Nijinsky, how Ys playing guest of honor ne,” M English, “I haft a vatry fir a Star in his HOEBE was bored six long years of her never spent such day Cireum stances at las’ | grew too strong for her, and she cried She | | was one oj | those who do no! | offen ery, but who! when they do, | make no secret of In short nearly ame Phoebe's od in her sma ave tea with “Why, what's the matte she asked Phoebe, standing hop: middie of the nursery, onl louder | cheerful about life. "Just look, Phoebe, at t tle face in the looking gla: | Phoebe immediately | ested and sto,pped crying Which mamma?” | Pearson's Weekly, ents, raise ning Post. NGED. came home the home of he mother. ave done if @ playmate had treated me that way would have eplied, “But you were a acted mean id stayed,” — famous Russian rse a good day M. cing to more vigo- part of the her you like my the hostess Nijinsky replied think your m tread,"— SLAM ON MOTHER. In all the life she had a miserable mother, al- rtest clothes riend, Phoebe?” sly in the howled the and refused to see anything hat ugly it~ became inter- whe asked.— SMAtTTER, ‘ror 1 ‘ It Takes Only One to [JOR’S CAR! ‘Copyrighi, i017. Pree Publishing Co, (N. ¥, Evening World) TAKE (T FROM ME Joe, 1 KNow! MY ObD "RUMBLE" DID THE same “THING — GET A CAN OF “THAT “S\MPLETON'S MOTOR-Goo" AND DOSE EACH CYLINDER EVERY HALF HOUR WHEN YOU Go ON ALONG PLEASURE TouR! NEED ANY AWICE Joe ? 1 THAT'LE Fix tT! ) WHEN ZZ LDONT THINK THat’s THE TROUBLE Joe - Now TeLt ME, DOES F SHE KNOCK ON A HILL SPARK UP AN’ Y'FEED HER “TH' GUN ? Run a Car, but 1,037,498 to Tell Him How! AW - WHAT YoU WANTA DO (Ss To GET A NEW ZZ SET OF PLUGS THat's wHat L Y'got THE EXPERIENCE GEE, LISTEN T ‘em! g ¢ ALL THEY DO (5S THINK WP WAYS To SLAM me! 4, > gd 2. (a aoE'LL BE SORRY SOME DAY! | Ellabelle Mae Doolittle Copyright, 1917, by The Pree Publishing Co. tirm of $5,000 car for the best rhyme (The New York Brening World ) | describing the comfort one may enjoy in the Scooter Six, The great poetess HI 1s rejotcing over the fact ert ng ares be avis {2| had never ridden in a Scooter, but poast of @ $5,000 automobile.| boing possessed of an imagination of There are sixteen machines in the town now, but none cost more than $1,600, Bailey's Hollow, Delhi's great-| est rival, hasn’t as many automobiles as Delhi, but it points with pride to Cooger Hoskin's machine, which cost $2,000 new, Ever since Hoskins bought y |of the poem to the New York firm Bia OOF last fay Delhi's pride heal and then she permitted the Hon. Alex been injured, Therefore, it is with! Appleby to outline what she had done great rejoicing that Delhiantonians|in the Delhi Bazoo. The poem was are awaiting the arrival of the ex-| printed, also, so it is without violating pensive machine any confidences that tt is reproduced iat here. Here it is: To Ellabelle Mae Doolittle the town | ce gain I'm owes much for removing the stigma} J OF ae er placed on {ts reputation by Balley's| | But not by any nv very fine; the cushions, to», Hollow, She 1s to have the $5,000 car. “a yey ear, eS The particulars of the story follows Last week Miss Doolittle not\ that prize. Speaking of her plan to no one, hurried upstairs to her boudoir penned her contribution to the test. It was such a fine effort that decided to reveal to Delhi its ¢ stroke of luck, First s! nta to my old tricks, bait the Scooter Six, 1d, ‘Teeney ed tn] an, wets, rt het. Fireside Fancies, a monthly y paper, the offer of & New York auto - Seen marvellous scope she decided to win) At this car oolody cen tirow a brick, 1 30 will Win your #mvet hones | In another column was an editorial | by Editor Appleby, which pointed out | the great holor Miss Doolittle had) conferred on Delhi | With a $5,400 Scooter Six on our streets," it concluded, “we will be very happy and the claim that Delhi | is the moat enterprising city in this | neck 0’ the woods will be fully borne out, All hail, Ellabelle Mae Doollt- tle!" When Mrs, Elisha @, Pertie read of | What the poetess had done she called | @ meeting of the Women's Betterment | 1 Agus, and a resolution was passed offering the city's thanks to the poet. ess. Miss Doolittle appeared before | the women and sald: “T invite you all to take a ride with | me when tho big car comes,” “When is that contest to be de clded?” asked Mrs, Cutey Boggs. “In four weeks," replied Misa Doo- |iittle, ‘But what matters that? Un- doubtedly one hundred thousand poets will submit rhymes, but"—here she blushed—"I feel that we need not worry about the outcome.’* As the poctess shrank modestly back into the line of women on the TUPLPUM be audience stood up and Comrrieht. 117, Prone Publishing Co. (N.Y, Rrening Wort THE BEST No MATTER WHAT “HEY Cost = You'Lt LEARN BY LIKE L DID! By Bide Dudley ) applauded All were pReased ly 2, SS Rafe By Clifton Meek — \ GET YOU WHAT THE TRouBLe is — Y'FEED IT TH HER Teo RICH! po AN JoE, Yiaas — \F That DONT Fix ce ULL Ear mY HAT! Se | HE'LL WGH HE'D BCEN, KINDER To me ft ~ h great gusto, I T'S the that wears out your clothes and makes washing hard work, “VAN’S NORUB and have cleaner cloth bo rubbing, ah Se & 10c pac! At your dealer's, Van Zile Co., Mira, West rubbing