The evening world. Newspaper, November 3, 1913, Page 21

ie The Evening World Dail ““S’Matter, Pop?’’ [yi sseEN-TAKe THAT 1TPuT OvER | You A PEGULAIR BAND A sith SP ABDI AR lhtedy B aBN the Pree Miblisniag Co, New York Evening World.) Yes, Dearl VOHN, HOLD THESE BUNDLES ROR ME AND WAIT HERE Tit J COME BatK Twenty Gems Of American Humor Famous Selections From the Works of Our Coun- try’s Foremost Laughmahers, No. 1I—THE BRIEFLESS BARRISTER, by J. G. Saxe. N Attorney was taking @ turn, On a very deep bere fn the ground, A In shabby habiliments dreat; And he sighed to himself, “It 1s well!” Mis coat It was shockingly worn, And the rust had invested his vest. prriaht, 1818 | Ho! Ho! HAW!HAw! You ,), TRUCK-HORSE ! YOuR WIFES Gor You TAMED. Art RIGHT— To curd his emotions he se* On the curbstone the space of a minut | ‘Then cried “Here's an opening at last! And in less than @ jiffy wae in it! =| Hila breeches had euffered a breact ‘Wis Mnen and worsted were wi He had scarce a whole crown in his hat, And not half a crown in his puree. Next morning twelve citizens came — | (Twas the Coroner bade them attend), | To the end that tt might be determined And thus as he wandered along, How the man had determined his end! A cheerless and comfortiess elf, He eought for relief in a gong, Or compiainingly talked to himself: “The man was a lawyer, I hear, Quoth the foreman who eat on the corse. “Unfortunate man that I am! “A lawyer? T've never a client but grii “Undoubte BETCHER LIFE 1 WOULDNT LIKE MY WIFE USE ME LiKE THAT-— The case is, I've no case at all, And in brief I've ne'er had a brief! An attorney well versed tn the la And as to the cause of his death, | ‘Twas no doubt for the want of a| cause, The Jury decided at tength, After solemnly weighing the matter, | That the lawyer was drowned b: Ho could not keep his head above water! | "On, how can a modest young man =e hope for the smallest progres- sion— The profession's already eo full Of lawyers eo full of profession!” While thus he was strolling TMie eye accidentally fell around Domestic Dialogues By Alma Woodward, Copgright, 1918, by The Preas Publishing Co. (‘Te New York Evening World), To Vote or Not to Vote? sons.” They've got ‘em tn stock—as- | ‘Times P.M. sorted sizes, R. G. (nervously walking up and down)—Well, here it is the night before election and I'll be blamed (¢ I can make up my mind whom to voto for, There has been so much )-Oh, Henry, A man in the crowd is saying) — The Confessions of Arsene Lupin | Mr. G. (gruftiy)—Come on out of this. | Coppright, 1019, by Doubleday, Page & Co.) (They walk to the 0; corner, Mm, 4. | Mud-slinging and back-door gossip on Levene hep way Wo the & avd plants hersit | both sides that I feel like beating it Hilts renal Aba eos os to-night and coming back when it's all| Speaker for Mitchel (thunde y= | What ts Mc over. Mra. G. (scornfully tilting her nose)— 1? He's the What ts Tammany? op of | Is} He withdrew, His accomplives followed suit The car drove off, and the tc ehar Tammany? aysOraia OF at b een i PRECEINNG CHAPTERS. in the Rue de V. 1 ) Murphy! What ts Murpiy? fy) vat Vendio 1 je de Varenn: ained st Wall, never apeak to me about the un-| Myrrhy! What | eae | vc Sih ‘la dataiten Aneaine: and altent until the mi n ANK t" certainty and changeableness of wom- Panis ict wn't he Gra-| in Anat, Mque, regaining complet snes: en aeain, matic, yy the way he works right | on Why, goodness, after all the called out for the servan are engaged. Ne gave you tls ring to run away from Reluctant named dEmho ise, stabbed the King, Hach was pre Dut the King picked out t Tiere v we ald iret Murderer ve actor, at ady had previous! 4 Ins Were published without de po BeRe Yaa ie f , 98 “an wtay in Pi ani the chosen, Hamlet was pretty year disso-| Mr. Sulliy Xpectant Thespian e proofs his devotion Have From that moment the watch tn and he - ilution, but under his volee mana d to! don't want a to 7 in @ red faith in him." around the castle was aged twoe him t lwig, black whiskers ue domino.” | Ilo said all this in go serious and re- fold, all che m 1 as Lupin'e ¢ f to die there.""| "Why, Mr. Sulll waid the No, 1 spectful a voloe, with so much vy silence and the m carmation of the Ww minutes tolassassin, “If never played tt in such alan? deference, that ahe had not the campaign which had been conduct- Hoa Aves but he was still King, and look-|garb in all my life strength to resist, Their eyes met. Ho {he mn ine DESRE 00: ua not but alarm the evanry, s ing Hamlet straisht in the eye said; | "Maybe maybe not,” gata sult | Whlenered yuc de Sarzeau-Vendome. It was ‘our he al pur! of ye Te ob s that ting eleven "Pea King here, and I'l! die where 1! van. “But you look as though you wont a eamute Durty of your eve re Ceeay tat ate gt veel ndlbt ease, Pick out @ pla for | might." F to uppose the ma one of his Vpn eyes upon one, Now closethem © “You'Re PRETTY SOFT! WHY DONT TOU Put TOUR. OowN AND YouR MANHOOD THAT GABY OUT AND DON'T YoU DARE COME BACK INSIDE New Adventures ot |} ‘ the Thief Genius. | By. Maurice Leblanc Political meetings you have attended | {Pt # point” And what a lovely took. | ¢) They found the Duk: an during the past =-nth! and HG MA Me! tet oT think He” In} bali lady's maid and the po \ make up your mind yet, college man. You know, he doesn't buy |, ail lightly bound. A few " then the Duke \\make up MY mind in a mi his clothes ready made, Henr * * ments had disappeared, as wel) as tie Your. G. cwith rity: right. | YOU Can never Ket a coat collar to se cg ae Duke's Docketboot ind all his Jewelry, a / You're on! I'll give you w chance, {that Way unless It's made to order. | cinvuon ty a-blunder, tut cae te ping, pearl stu. waten and so on Whrow on your hat and coat and 1i| (Pause). Hasn't he got a wonderful |" maine, Father The police were ac ¥, od wituout delay ; key ‘i fh ¢.| memory for dates. Just let me tell you | Inthe morning tt Unpa, ed thay on th ue take you to a few meetings, Then, af-| Memory ie a , evening before dE aboise vhen leavin ed fer you've listened you'll tell me under that Antone who can tell things that ih his house in the motorear, was stale which emblem to put the cross, Are|'tnened and put his finger right on | he wluniuone time, of | uffeur end thrown, hall you game? the date ts pretty sire of what he's = Mi Phe alii tied saying. T belleve every word that man | 7 7 t Speaker for Call (fortissimo)— | is saying: CHAPTER VII. 21.1 What ts Mitchel? © © ¢ 1 He} Mr. G.—Oh, let's go home! Where's {cee iaued,) kfast he had ' oa the wonderful intuition? Where am 1 Lupin’s Marriage. pbiite: inuwetl ke } end Ja Hee engerneya)—| Rolnk t0put the marks. eh? Pay)" 8 orcloek all the other obeying the sutimons of tie examining bts My! strong speaker! Just| Mrs. G. ‘after a pausey—I tell you |W } vants went to bed, by their magistrate, without even reading Arsene At 7 wk he returnet te the dook, Henry, h so earnest that he| What, Menry, Just to ease your con-| ff } master's orders, @t ten mine Lapin's letters to the papers on "the ground floar roomea. It was the hour Shakes his whole body when he speaks!| science so that you won't worry any | ] utes to 10 the Duke, who was Varennes Flight,” the Duke, his daugh- for hie afternoon nap. He walled to Jle'g awfully hoarse. Ills wife ought} more, why don't you make the cross in completing his preparations, ter and his valet stealthily took a slow ieroom at the tof the ' ) him a good hot lemonade when| BOTIT columns® You only h to] heard the sound of a motor horn, The ftaln for Vannes and arrived one eve. et hie foot he gets home to-night to clear his!make a cross. You do ie 4H) ee Bates of the court- Pine at the brea ee epee ae ee Mupped aud threat (Pause). What I lke about] your name, And they couldn't ever ni | . stinding at the wine gt once organized a defy ra AreIBRGIN AE Dim te that he hasn't sald a thing thatjout whose ballot it wa Thon zed d’Emboise's laudaulette. ait of th i} he hasn't backed up with a reason,| would have done your duty to the m T shall be down presently,” @iaeval vassals to « in. fare him, if You can't go very far wrong voting ir i Hy nthe, “and let made- day Mussy arrived: on an, ¢ a ‘) a party that has reasons for every-| the memory of your father, wi | w and on the sevent! ; i I Lie 1 Aniig they say. ‘@ stan He an, and also | Tn a few minutes, as Hyacinthe did not wound was not as severe as had been 2’, Lisen tote him My, G. (pityingly)—My dear, the mid-| grandfather, Who was a trie Demy.) Tturn. he left Poe eal pus ne Ie fanses, - ‘ad'wo dove ike # { dur Hod, Te . is “rear crat! see? a standing by two maske e Duke waited two dave longer bee gyarey with f an ont at th } | Gle;mame of political parties is “rea- crat! See? | men, d and bound him before fore communicating to th wont HUN Fi ng oe . iia daar _amniiimeieieaeimeeaimt 601 vy. And one of the what, now that his escune vad s K me thme, roi { an . “Td is warning, Mon- nd part of his plan. Te dd } 1" ike # Anecdotes of the Old-Time Actors # hernietin leaving: the prenrite of the three cosine hy wth Saati f B R our consent It will dictatorial order to An 6, expr 1 ary 1 y Edw. Le Roy Rice. ter. n these peremptory terms ‘ aid to his com. hother Is upsetting me ter retell tt. father” gh 1 (Author of “Monarchs of Minstrelsy, from Daddy Rice to Date," etc, pomn ey m, Twill see to wit ‘ Vhe hurbanit , ie 7 that tline two other confederates joing me. 1 Ba netse fim Coppright, 1911, by The Pres Publis ing Cy @ New York Evening World had secured the lady's maid, and Ange- There ts only A ne attr Making It Hot for Hamlet. | you lique. herself gagwed, lay fainting en @ que, and th i ne ae iah a ‘ And Macready waa furced todo sa |eouch In her boudolr, me from all The @ 1 HE great English actor, Macready a : i ” , t tant | was a “riot” in the United States) = Macheth and the Murderer, |, i" ae to simoat Immediately une the hand of Mee ch ’ rott in the 4's. ALY SULLIVAN, the fam \ ate Oh, 1 ’ ‘Ltke all stars he had a preference fi ‘B Kngilsh tragedian, white a hen e ; the centre of the stage, and was very | ow of the United stat ‘ 5 ri = Particular in rehearsals that « of | years axo, played Providence. 1 face, W 3 the actors would occupy the exact 5 a Uttle while before Geory ro your torglvanens, made ay ' ‘i on the rostrum allotted to him at the! made It famous by being moisetle. All theme happenings are a Sho felt that he would r ve fall of the curtain. A short time prior Mp, Sullivan, who w i | Settle: auadon 900 th HAAAN GE Tetiee And CHAS Abe Mune ang) Y tn 8 9 to his decease he played Hamlet, and to hive support of the way. But ‘elroumatancds (lo hie wishes, She aocept nae the production was carefully revearsed, stock company, was well kr ies ove, Pray pare none Taga enpectaily as to where each actor eocentriities and blunt # unt ne whould be at the se of each act ,te eal he her and very gently and 1 » ' 1 ‘At the regular performance Hamlet! who was cast ty v) gold ring on the girl'® as the D had taken his poison and had carefully | First Murierer ns make her b sQy, [SOMETHING — | \ US AWAWE HALE WHE Are \4ORN OVER AND GIVE n\ HAT WORKED | Heut NTH) THEIR “PIANO Lach Ai) +E Vit To Jinks’ Little! iZytwo NAYS ¢ HEY Caton UP Cy Saul a a daah. )'T TO 4 \ , TROY © Vl gust “rele ng JON oeEEP ABOUT THIS.) (COME OVER A YTHEN Roe witt BUY ‘ 5 ~ aaa yTIME OF | Ye ALE DA A Foor, ASS ERT THIS tion arranged hone a man charin of om prowe fancinat t deg . The Comte a Atiiresy-apent six week® we kept up ervinls. | “papers, 1 ‘ olumna He . cow as preparing ko, when, | two | (OH POP! His MAMA 50 “PLEASED 1913 er 3, Cound ND PLAY) (7 oe nes The Evening World will award a prize of $25 for the best true account (250 words or | WORKED HIS WAY INTO A RAISE AND A SURPRISE. In one of my leisure moments T Iked over for @ little vinit with Jim, the “backer-up" boy, who read the numbers written by clerk to the foreman, the entry “Dam going he irked “Why don't you learn the books? I wet 4 more than you." After prac- Hsing somewhat T announced myself wiven @ trial and made weeks passed and I had not received any raise, so 1 dectded to ask the boss, basing my demands on tha statement the former er-up™ had made me. “Well,” ald the be “if you will promise to Keep It quiet 1 will see that your pay In inereased “Thank you,” sald 1, °T will not tell any 0 At that time I was mak- ing $ per, "Gee? T thought, “Twill feel rich when Saturday comen and I draw $8." Saturday came I walked to cashier, threw iy chest out and asked for my envelope, It contained $4.00, AUSTIN N. Low, No. @ Mhureh street, New York City, LETTER FOR BOS! Urged to take a course In stenog- raphy and typewrtting shortly after securing my first ponition, I labored Ailigentiy to mucceed in my new wen- ture, and with my overambitlouss news neglected from time to tine my regular office duties—being r on several occasions, Our chic thereafter was kind enough to give me his surplus mail My “ralse, however, did not come with It, But one day ®& senior member of the firm uxked me into his private of and jt was then [ discovered clerk had Informed hin of my new accomplishment and 1 almost swooned when he asked me tuke a letter, My hand trembled and 1 was visibly perple: but I managed to ket ail my notes and with dimeulty to typewrite the latter correctly ‘Ths had been my real trial, Two 4 went by without event, when again called Inside, With awalted what I thought wax my doom, but quite to my as tonishment was informed that my work had Impressed the firm favor- ably und that [owas to receive @ on wR #ub-stenographer with wee Towa wonder I : bay on the « awaited Shem od » cartheboon board ‘ . t The anor » tell me who the ten were) cir object Was ne kid me faut locked me wratected by 9 1 <i moved \ di 1 put there Fr » to time at the yar iit (and T heard the svund then Jountlens with 4 | Ach 'e f | that: ae of ei 1 ted 1 . math 1 ° ' i f ast anit nel, tee ‘ ! t { 1 in the of- st a Gln ar from curtosity. h was @ little eup- Advi y | Popularity. — % vlar with ) of “How | Got My First Rais WON CHANCE TO WRITE A Betty Vincent’s ow can a! hevorne pop: | young | an inereage in salary with the new year, WILLIAM A. MARTIN, 2 Hamburg avenwe, Brooklyn. SAVED HIS FIRM $300 BY QUICK THINKING. office of a large contractor ~ beginning Tn the T was right-hand man to the “Rig Chiel" A job was up for bid and we bid for it We were telephoned that our vid was $909 lower than the next hiehest and were asked if it Was not an error. 1 told the said in- r that 1 would tt up, The “Big Chief was in Chicago at the time, so T immediately telephoned him. I told him that he had figured in his bid on the New Tariff which was not yet in use and wince the people seeking the bid felt it might be an error, might we not say “Yea, it Is an error’ and increase our bid $10)? ‘Die dea appealed to the “Big Chief." T notified the other firm of the “error and we landed the job. Upon the “Hig Chief's return, he said, “Well, young fellow, you ere surely wide-awake, In appreciation of what you did, accept this gold piece and a $2 rali G, PARLE KILEEN, No, 31 East One Hundred an@ Kighty-olghth street, New York. A REWARD FOR KEEPING DESK GLEAR. My first position was that of @ clerk In railroad office, where eight or ten other clerks were em- ployed with about the same duties, 1 want ther clerks that if T ne I would do as they did, ya keep my desk well cove so as to give the pyesrance of having plenty te and avoid being given more Id heppen tf T kept my desk ing my a In time t quentiy hb auch t nome dut hief noticed that I free time to spare, and at he would assign me that he had been attend- mscif, of & miner character unt 1 at last was quite m at first, familiar with most of the duties of the chief, It was owing to this that he felt that he required steady assistance I was made @ regular ant to him, with a nice inor Vtn No. van avenue, Jersey City ce to Lovers But he @ brittiant must be straight and clean and cour- teous in his thoughts and actions toward womankind, In short, he must he @ gentleman conversationalist women? | SC MY writes: “2 have been aur “Hy opening W'8) rounded by unmarried women a porkethook,” th @ltifg wud tam afraid that cynical Will ane| never have a cha wwer, Rut T don't t vt such a calam- agrees with them ty, no one emain unmarr to t for the sake of t «volt maid" Watt unti the ng and don't worry, T haye been accept: fa youne maw et own ity se have become ed, 1 know he s me, hows eer andl for him, though T have of thelr com>) never shown aifection, How can I man who can be trast vim back the hands »: must do nothing obvious, Tf you ! n nent you we frlend in te open and th obtiged, tn order not to be seen from the reping at randem, ald yacht, to crouch In the cleft of @ rook e ers. This con- and did weroh land unt mid-day, , containing Ins "ity tie t iat 1 had been to a ‘ he pirates who fstiennans alin exchanged my elothes r s i it was r. whe my arrival T learned ny abduction, the means salt the Duke ‘low vo the object In view and the tr Speak on * * @ finish your story, heme plotted during the last All this is ghastly * * * [don’c under. three months oeainst the Due de Bare stand ree and 1 feel nervous" geau-Vendome and daughter, Uns © © ¢ i fortunately, it w wo late T wae To Me Continued) — ————— —_ ———— Rinehart te America’ Will" is the funni story she as written. Oret instalments appearance in The Evening THE By Mary Roberts Binebart. Will begin in The Evening World, Monday, greatest woman humorist, And “Where There's o A WILE. (Author of “Seven Days.") Nov. 10, Mary Roberts Don't for the date of ‘World. monday, pat hes