The evening world. Newspaper, June 7, 1913, Page 10

Sd at the Post-Office at New York as Mat The Fvesng|For an ++ $8.80]One Year. sesee 80/One Month. the Internatio: Union WHO SAID MONOPOLY? HE SENATE has sighted another monopoly to westward. The Frieco road will please step up and explain why it took over the Chicago and Eastern Mlinois, From the Pacific to the Atlantic the Government must get after ’em and break ’em up. ‘No- body shall monopolize anything. Meanwhile the same Government has built on its own account 8 canal of surts. Awhile ago it shut out all railway steamships from that canal. Just now it is busy fixing up a $3,000,000 dicker with Nicaragua. For that $3,000,000 the Government expects to take over a n few islands, secure all rights and privileges, control all approaches to a the canal, and keep anybody else from ever building a canel. s How about Uncle Sam? Isn’t he becoming something of a monopolist himself? a oe GETTING READY FOR THE FOURTH. B: HAT the Mayor's Fourth of July Committee voted to have no ¥ T fireworks this year is nothing to weep over. After all, fire- works have had their day. Electricity has outdone them. How should crowds for whom the dazzling brilliancy of Broadway by night and the fairyland wonders of Coney Island are permanent delights get excited over tkyrockets that flash out in # few seconds? The Committee has set aside $10,000 to provide electrical illumina- tions in the parks and elsewhere. Blectricity will go farther than gunpowder. Illuminations are quite as beautiful, can be seen by more people and just indefinitely. e*) The musical part of the celebration, on the other hand, should y not be cut. but extended to the utmost limit. There is no better way to celebrate the Fourth than with plenty of music, no better or easier way to fill people’s hearts with the cheerfulness and the thrills that belong to the day. Be it noted, by the way, that the wiseacres who think the crowd cares only for vaudeville “hits” and ragtime are wrong. Patriotic airs and spirited marches, even of the most classic @ort, are nowhere more popular than with the crowd. Nobody wants to hear symphonies or “tone poems” in the open air. But it is a great mistake to think that out-of-door programmes must be “played down” to the people. F An excellent and timely feature promised for this year’s celebre- "tion is the distribution of 100,000 copies of the Gettysburg address print: in color to the children. History records no finer speech than the few immortal words with which Lincoln dedicated the ceme- tery of our famous battlefield. The fiftieth anniversary of the great ~ Wattle is « fitting occasion to engross them upon every memory. ey TO READ TO-MORROW. l WOULD seem next to impossible for a man known to have a family somewhere on earth to carry on « large business in New York. make a fortune, and yet keep his private affairs such a a mystery that when he died no relative or {riend could be found to fi throw light on them. Yet such a man went down with the Titanic and all efforts to find his children have failed. The strange facts of the case make an interesting story in the Sunday World Magazine for to-morrow. In the same issue readers ‘will find an account of i the wonderful Washirgton baseball pitcher who can send a ball whiz- 5% il at a speed of one hundred and twenty-two feet a sebond, faster than the Twentieth Century Limited; the life story of the Steel Trusi’s greatcrt figure-expert, who started as a boy at $4 per week > and now draws $50,000 yearly; proof—from a man who advertised to ‘ find out—that New York contains plenty of adventurous souls ready for any dare-devil undertaking; lively “confessione” from Nore, Bayon, the vaudeville favorite; more good intentions of Bill the Office Boy that only sand him in deeper trouble, and new thrille coming thicl and fist in “One Wonderful Night,” Louie Tracy's romentic tale of New York life of to-day © Horse Deal Agate. fo Ge PAhor of The bvening World, ‘The problem which “may prove ‘No female loteters shall be tak: hereafter, For seven years no lobst weighing over two pounds ehall be taken, All other lobsters may be .joaught and sold." Why? Because when you take @ female lobster you iH stop the increase by thousands. eotved “mort” lobsters have been protected are sold @o far and the protection has been on one failure, Now let the fishermen tak or the cost the “shor jaf the ing large lobsters. I believe it is ¢he solution of a qui hes long bothered the com: saeinian’s ) BecondClase Matter. England and the Cominent and Count MUNICIPAL ICE PLANT FcANENY ICE CREAM MUNICIPAL GRAPE JUICF PLA ' NO PUNCH IN IT EOnETHING'S FREE EGGS ||FREE LETTERS Rav Coverite Now York's R. Frederick Fosdick Futta clapped his hands together for attention. And the members and sympathis- ers of the Society for the Suppression of Guggestive Dancing directed their gaze at the platform in the assembly room in the Hotel Bt, Croesus. afternoon needs no Futts, blishing Co, Weslag Word). word, As Secretary-at-Large of the Eclectic League of Esoteric Sociology his momentous book, ‘Comments and Compilations of Facts and Figures of ‘Tribal Traditions,’ will go thundering down the corrido t A pelite pattering of applause fol- lowed as Mr. Futts paused for it. And Mr. Jarr found himeelf upon hin feet and being solemnly introduced as Prof. Benjamin Babcock Bannister, Mr, Jarr didn't care. It was hix after- yway. And if, an he suspected (and as events proved it #0), he was at this meeting mistaken for a speaker in- vited by correspondence while Prof. Bannister was doubtless at the tango tea he had come to denounce, Mr. Jarr only hoped the latter would make as t the dance as he intended to as a donouncer of ir, Chairman, ladi IGET ICAN STAY UNDER WATER FOR FIVE MINUTES. You COUNT AND SEE- For @ New Lobster taw. READY? Bator of The Evening World. _— years of work aml expenditure pears that the attempt Commieaion to in- of lobsters mee! ‘This is not di yor pains, Bo The public is which d 4 | of many kinds of good the ocean ana inland! and the ocean on the I advance the reason law on the: et of 1. Be re . rn iS wer ae? oy Magazine, Saturday, June 7. 1913 [GAYNOR _COBHOUSE | [FREE LUNCH For 1 SCAMPS ) NY ) NA IN EPicretus act began Mr, Jarr, “your invitation wife, estimable otherwise, is dancing dress you is appreciated, You find | turkey trot in this very hotel, me the uncompromising foe to turkey |husband, where is he? He Mr. Jarr Takes Up For a Very Worthy Man Named Jarr PPSSSSTOSSSSISTIS SHOTS O SCS TS SITIES OSTTISSTEISSFTGSD trot and tango, I regard the one-step 48 @ desecrator of the home and hearth, and the bunny hug as an insidious ele- ment of evil that is undermining the whole framework of society!" “Let me cite you a case from real Ife,” @aid Mr. Jarr, gracefully pushing his collar back in place with one hand as he made an oratorical sweep with the ot! “I shall not go far afield to cite the evil aftermath of the dance mad- ness that now aweeps the land! “{ know @ man—I know him persen- ally, intimately—nay, I know no one bet- ter—who this very day has been parted from a wife he dearly loves, by these deplorable dances, At this moment that We called our childher dear; No wondher that we're talked about— It's worser every year. ‘We used to have the names iv saints An’ marthyrs at our call; To mention them now brings com- Diainte-- Och, that's the worst iv all! ‘There's Pat an’ Br! Who called thet An’, may I never ain Finnegan, Penniless, unhappy, seeking he: Here a loud sob trom Mrs. Sopington, the heaviest contributor to the move- ment, and a murmur of approval from the others indicated to Mr. Jarr that he had made an oratorical ten strike. ‘Do not let us ask ourselves, ‘What can we do? thundered Mr. Jarr. “Do not jet us fight futilely by petition and resolution. If we cannot do anything to atdp the dreadful dances we at least ameliorate the condition of one of innocent victims!” ear! Hear!" cried several. “This man te penniless at the prea ent moment, as I said,” Mr. Jarr went on. “But his wife has money. He is Th’ Owld Names. By Eugene Geary. r Copyright, 1918, by The Prem Publish ing Co, (The New York Eveaing World), HE good owld names aré dyin’ out Resides, there's Pether Rafferty, ‘Who hates the owld green sod, ‘Tho’ tisn't many years since he Was carryin’ the hod. He an’ his wife—'twould make ye wild— Announce, wid prid The marriage of their only child, Miss Genevieve Maree. ‘The names tv grand owld Irish Kings We'll never hear them more; Instead they have newfangled things— Begod, it makes me sore. The hayroes, saints an’ marthyrs, too, ‘No longer have the call. Our race will soon be lost to view— Sure, that's the worst fv all, PECEEEEESODAODEDS DOREEODOD ES OREOEE SOSA SEEREROOESEDE a Big Collection unhappy, but his wife is gay. In the delirium of the dance she forgets hus- band, home and little ones. I hi son to know that this man has whereby he hopes to reach the his wife and reason with her ere yet it Js too late. Will you ald him? Will you give something more than your support to help him?” #, yea!” munmured Mrs, Sopington. “Let us start a fund!" ‘Mr, Frederick Fosdick Futts passed the hat, and Mr. words such on," and “E "Let the good work go Ty little helps,” and ‘He gives well who gives early,” kept up the fervor of those present and thetr pocket- ‘booke open. And with such urging to back his ef- forts, the chairman returned to the Platform with some thirty dollars, as Mr, Jarr afterward estimated, in bills and allver, “And now," said Mr. Jarr, as he took the collection from the collector, ‘to apply this fund to practical use. Mr. Frederick Fosdick Futts will address you, while I seek out the wife of the man I speak of and reason with her, and also while I help that man himeeif. I bid you good day.” ‘He departed after handshakings and enthusiastic good wishes. And, after getting a good collar button and a new collar in the hotel haberdashery, he Upped every menial with whom he came into contact into @ state of idolatry to- ward him. And then, joining his wife in the Room, he took her and her . including the real Prof, Ban- out to @ costly repast, He explained to the professor and eplit fAfty-fifty with him. why Se ee ee usbands Copvriaht, 1913, by The Pree Publish ing Co, (The New York Evening World). (including Solomon, Blu rd, Henry Vill, Nat Goodwin, Socrates, Mare Antony, Job, ) 1.—SOLOMON. OLOMON, as we all know! was @ atriking example of that once numerous and delightful but now quite extinct type known as “A Marrying Mas® His greatest fame was achieved neither qe @ poet, a statesman nor & Philosopher, but as an “ideal husband.” He believed in marrying early end often (and bother the expense!), for the fear of woman wan not in his heart. How like @ vanishing point must the spectacle of one man ruling seven hundred wives—of all ages, sizes, nations and temperaments, with one hané, while he administered a State with the other—make that modern man feel whe cannot control one little ninety-eight-pound wife with both hands! But with wives, as with children, perhaps it is true that a lot are less troubR | than only one. Bigamists are notoriously good-natured and tender even while they are taking your money with one hand and feeding you ground glass with the other, If they are not “ideal husbands,” why do their wives continualig quarrel over them in court, instead of just eaying “After you, my dear Alphon- sina!” and letting them go? ‘ An only wife, ke an only child, {8 apt to be horribly spotied, and requires af |@ husband's time, attention and petting. Whereas a number of wives can amuse each other, keep tabs on each other, scrap with each other and read each other's letters—thus saving the husband all that trouble, Besides, Solomon was a GENTLEMAN! He believed that a wife was a peart of great price—and he never haggle over the price. He wan not looking for something for nothing; nor did he expect to get a combination cook-hourt- mental companion-and-valet in exchange for her board and lodging. Neither id he fondly hope to acquire all the beauties, virtues and accomplishments of @ whole harem in one woman, He NEVER asked his cook-wife to dance the required his hotris to scrub floors. “Syrian Slide" for him, nor ¢ He would not have dreamed of expecting | the wife who mended his—er, to come and sing “The | Rosary" to him or to laugh at hi she had finished, | Each of his wives was a epecialist, and the home was run on the ideal com- |Munity basis. Upton Sinclair himself could not have planned it better, nor managed it half so effectively. If Solomon awoke with a headache fn the cold gray dawn of the morning | after he did not set the household on edge and rack the nerves of Pharaoh's daughter by yelling for ice water, kicking the cat, swearing at his razor and elamming down his coffee cup in a rage. Neither did he bore her with hie ‘never again” and his kisses of repentance. He merely sent for the official head rubber, the official brace mixer and the official soother and ieft it to them. So that by the time he had had his bath and his bromide he hed quite recovered from his grouch and was in con- dition to be placid and affaole to the wife whose duty it was to join him in his after-breakfast cigarette. What an ideal life! Just one-seven-hundredth of a man to cater to and put up with and pretend to “understand! Just one-seven-hundredth of a house ¢e keep in order! Just one-seven-hundredth of all the trials and troubles of mate- mony, and a full portion of all the honor, glory and luxuries! Best of, all, Solomon was @ romanticist, a sentimentalist and an ideal lever to the last. Matrimony did not send him into a comatose state, and hie eenti- ments never became cold, stale or embalmed in benzoate of soda. The flowers of his compliments to women are as fresh to-day as they ever were; and his “Song of Songs” was written long after he had been married— |amany times. He had a subtle way of flattering his wives en masse, as it were, in print; and his description of a “good wife” has come down to us as & mone | ment to domestic felicity, He was a dream of @ husband! ‘ | Solomon, Salaam Aleikum! When in Doubt Dress Up! Try to “Look Better Than You Feel.”’ It Helps. By Clarence L. Cullen. Copyright, 1913, by The Pree Publishing Co, (The New York Evening World), OOK the part whether you've got | ally may be, we are able to the part or not,” fs the di tum of those who know, ‘Ki ‘up your front,’ another way of ¢: Pressing the aame thing. Interpreted in terms of English the meaning is that keeping up the right kind of an exterior helps @ lot when the case i chem partially or completely by presenting ¢ kind of a front that Provid@ice ae Tt dees not Belp to feel that everybody e of the fact thas we On the contrary !t nd in a highly ly, our self-esteem, And when we really are in hard luck we need every particle of self-esteem that has been bestowed upon us er that we have contrived to pick up {n 66 | eermemer neeeren =: actually injures sensitive spot, name! the progr Jarr-with encouraging | looks pretty bad. The men who haa not discovered the positive moral of @ shave, @ hatrout and @ brush-off in certain contingencies of life canuot be sald to | be an experienced man. Somehow the disaster looks less dis- | astrous when we meet it dressed in our | best, or even when we muster the en- ergy and nerve to don our deat after the blow has fallen. Nothing is to be gained by shambling shabbily around after the catastrophe. A good deal is to be gained, however, by putting on our best front (literally as well as fig- uratively) and sising up the cituetion from the better angle created by t consciousness thet at any rate we don't look as bad as we feel. There is a sort of a feeling of tn- vinefbility formed by the feeling tat, no matter how bad the conditions actu- What Became of It GO TANT more string?" aid Mrs, os he washtub, ” se i 77 Poor, rio! IF SHE ONLY) | * Beany and the Gang #4 B& javt@iths!| Be Be By P.L. Crosby # AG A TIMI ead wll MW MAYGE SHE'S Oa M FAINTED: POOR KID, 0 YOU THINK THIS IS AWFULLY FUNNY? of our journey through life, The spick-and-span man or woman f@ , & vastly more competent individual tw the teeth of any imaginable kind ef trouble than the man or woman who @oes to seed externally under the visi- tation of adversity. There is no need for new or expen- aive cléthing in order to achieve the Proper kind of a “front.” The thing te to wear the best we've got in the best way it can be worn. It is the feeling of freshness, of brushedness, of renewal, that puts the whalebone in our spirit, in a way of speaking, when the case looks its worst, ‘ ‘The man who is able truthfully to ay to himself, “I look a blamed sight better than I feel," has a pretty good working chance, before very long, to feel as goed’ The Day’s Good Stories as he looks, ‘When defeat perches on your banner, brush off the banner! Thet is one way, ‘ and a good way, to invite victory 6 come along and do some perching! for atielty-bsclr im the sanah—arbere: ‘brothey nad it’s your elas say; but ft didn't leave mond half of that to mend hie ne," ier | « Detrot men, whe ae ro the bank this morcing—<thet t €o amy! that amount to soere, tnomad go 4 note for $200 ths aftememn,”. “Ob, very well, James," cald the wife, wil, ominous calmness, “MW you thihk the mam note con make thiom avy bette fe | you than I can—why ¢o os yo1 ons, Jemegen Crkago Record. Herald,