The evening world. Newspaper, May 25, 1912, Page 8

sapien any sat a emanate so Class Matter. eycond Continent end A Ly International Postal Union. e oteee 09 a4 ... JOLLY JOKERS OF FINANCE. MAN eoparetes from his money much more easily if tickled the wiille. And hell almost forgive you afterward if you can ® cnty make tim ove how funny he looked. } The canny obi Sootchman who described at the trisl of the Steel ‘Trost how he slyly busied himecif unloading company after company | on the other big fellows “Just te keep himsel’ out o’ mischief and the {| geach 0’ chorus ginle,” end then when he hed no more companies to sell went to Burope to rest from his labors, won not only roars of lnughiter from his hearers but delighted echoes from the entire nation. To be eure, the fact thet his achievements consisted largely in putting it all over tho Trust probatly heightens the public relish. Rut even when the people are themecives the obvious victims they have a wonderful weakness for the joviel chap who works the shell game on them and then grins and pokes them in the ribs about it { ‘ { ’ When the lete Jim Fiske, who hed been doing a little “valor. | ising” in Eries in the carly 70s, asked by « testy public where a| few mittens more or less had gone to, rolled up his eyes and responded | yesmined to anioker. h High finance should always choose for » handmeii—Hameur. ) Poe she hath of all arts most wonderful—that of “getting away ‘ ALL THIS WAY. Prussians are much upset over the prospecttve departuro the greet Berlin musical conductor, Dr. Karl Muck, to re- eame the directorship of the Boston Symphony Orchestra, their government to keep him in Germany at the other day the British press wes clapping its hands be- Ourson had nailed come old fireplace in the ect of sneaking 8 te America snd chained i up at home. in worried just now for fear a certain famous private col- of pictures destined for the Louvre may be already half to an American purchaser. od Burope! Forever shedding tears over the way ite art maasical geniuses and such swarm up the gengplanks of west- cteamers! Even if the American millionaire stays at hho ‘thes only to put his hand in hts pocket and jingle what's the magico sound is heard afar and the next | | When Mr. J. P. Morgan takes one of his walks on the Continent of Burope go into fits of excitement trying to make him ‘They might as well give it up. Things are coming our way, and thing to do is to let ’em come. Europeans must make up that presently they will have to run over here from time 00 feet per minute in the new Municipal Building! With all | = our rapid transit developments, our marvellous rushings to and| fee, don’t forget the amazing distances we travel daily in the up and down shoote—the vertical mileage of modern life! ny OMAS W. LAWSON, in a display advertisement in the Boston papers, announces frimself « candidate for the Senate of these United States, Well, why not? Let’s put a little “frenzy” into the Oon- Phanéer Storm Advice. with him. J @idn't twrt him, 1 don't| ‘Béttor of The Evening World: want to be thought @ bully, @o 1 ask tirunéer storm season is coming | readers to tell me frankly whether or " , And city folk will go out to the/ mot I was right in doing 4. r it caught in AT. a few pointers] A MebelMon Against Fasht: under @ tree in @| To the Editor of The Evening World: storm. Don't run in a thun-| 1 object to the fashion mandate which | "storm, Don’t sit by an open win-| commends men to put on straw hats on| Holé no metal in your hand, Keep | June 15 and take them off on Sept, 16. ts, If any companton te|The straw hat ts the prettiest, moat lightning keep him out of | comfortable headgear a man can wear, 4m the rain, pour gallons and gal- | Why not jet him wear it from Apri! to| Af water over him ceaselessly and| November? Also why not make caps @rtifictal respiration on him, But, | fashionable for winter? OBSHRVER. ‘all, pour water on him and keep ver fee a Fat Commuter? ri ‘This te all good free |T> the Editor af The Kreniog World: like to oak I wonder why no one commuter? I travel to and from the ly) in my own turn, Je it) suburbs every day. And harily ever there is no record of @ tin|do I see a fat commuter on the train. house being destroyed or aet| 1 see lots of fait men on the subway, cars in the olty, But the can @ive me euch information? Cc. BK ja Fore! many golfere woukl care to dm ball over the weathercock @, Giles's, Edinburgh? It has bowever, In virtue of a bet , Boales of Leith and Mr, Amel- Were selected to perform feat of driving « ball from southeast corner o; Parliament the weatheroock of the fa- uroh (161 feet from the base of They were allowed the dalle each, These al went aga ef: af FH Ui ] i oht z 26 ” 5 ag will bring him the best of Buropean “goods” to choose from. iF sees a fat) “he Evening World Daily Magazin asad ania ee STN TEN ATE he a se e. Saturday, May 29) 1912" a ( vaterseas )% By M aurice Ketten WHEN Tou Start, Put The AY OOWN « RAISE THE MES ... THREE mm. ee, a pennins 66 HERE te ¢het boy?" cried W Mrs. Jarr, for the twentieth time going #0 the window and looking long and anxiously down upon the teeming Harlem street below her. Mr. Jarr, aitting nearby reading the evening paper, grinted as he swayed ‘Me knees to orp side to give Mra, Jarr standing room by the window where he Tend im the creaking old Moreia chatr. Mra, Jare could have gone to the @iher front window ami not bothered Mr. Jar, but the ruling passion with the ladies is: “Wyn annoyed annoy everybody elec. “Laent him to wash his hamts, and T gave him eome money to run out and got ‘half @ pound of butter for supper,” continued the wonried mother, “And what can be delaying him?’ “Don't know, Can‘: my!" said Mr. Jarr, “Guess he'll be back mm a min- ute." "I think you might @ out and look higher than the vane, and in the adv close, o1 aide of the High gkesize? l tty i 3 Ff 3 B § Decoration Day?” “By going to a ball game without pook'l! do to the upper ter tas. having to give a fake excuse to the, ‘boos, Peet Te “How are you going to celebrate 1m going to get ‘em out of my & CHILD ! cou Do TH "hey Mom WAITING. DON'T Cone ? rumbling end not eatisfied et the | “But it's early yet. And @ minute or ‘Way meats are in this bouse?"" two won’ make much difference. The “Well, I'M go out end iook for him it | boy te én the store for the butter. But you want me to,” grumbled Mr. Jarr,| you know how clerks are. They walt ising from ‘hie comfortable posttion.'on chikiren test.” Of Constance DIVORCE. } SWITCHBOARD OPERATOR AT THE HOTEL RIOH.) CATCHER By Alma Woodward Copywight, 1912, by The Prees Publishing Co, (The New York World), “G i1—THE BE, what a hotnogs!" Constance any quicker! You woukin’t think to eighed, and mopped the damp! look at me that I got the edul secrets gold ringlets on her forehoad.|of twenty-six millionaires under that ‘An’ I ain't had) unch of invisible hairpins, would you?” @ single personal| And, mistaking my shocked expression word ‘over these/for one of unadulterated sdmiration, wires since come | she rattled on. en this morning.| ‘The second on the Hst was @ smash- An’ @ gentleman jing looking chap; the kind that shows friend of mine was| where his shoulders join his arms in going to take me | spite of a real English raglan! An’ he to one of them/had a mplit chin. Some one slammed carabet things to-| him once with a tennis racket and the night. He could} dent never come out, he said, But it ‘a’ called Up & tooked Ike @ real dozen times for all dimple! } the wires has been! 19 used to come sliding up to the} 1 know, ‘cause | busy all day an’ that Gerrard central oard nice and easy and drop a box! hates the sight of me, so she wouldn't | of candy or a bunch of flowers Into my for him!" retorted Mra Jerr. "“Bupper ‘ will be late again and Gertrude wants | turn in no personal message for me." | jay and then he'd a1 ‘Would you be to go out, How can I keep a girl it; “What's everybody phoning about? | ina enough to give me Cupid's num- Why should dt be so busy some days!her You know it made a 'nawful hit wis and slow the next?” £ inquired. j with me and I was beginning to see A Novelty “Oh, I don't know. But it just seems | some senge in mush, when all of a ‘on these kind of days people ain't Kot! sudden the night operator slips me a Nothin’ to hear, neither. You know | scope eye and aatiaainn: GAG: ana when you get your ear sizaled listening! keeping tabs on his nibs, because the to some deep purple stuff—real tangled jady that took the altar-trip with him up gush, you know, an’ things like that/ five short years before had sort of —4t's worth working for, An’ there's) jost her taste for him an’ was going always the chance of being sipped Afty | to cut the tow-line! to act the little ‘thin-is-how-it-happened’ | “Well, you could have knocked me pereon at the divorce trial! You got! down with a feather, because I never |to have aide Ines in all trades, you\ knew he had a ‘boudoir cap party on lknow, But this tea-and-milk-toast the other half of his ticket at all! But word exchange don't hold no. attractions 1 liked him too much to can him right ¢or me!" | off. “Do you get much of the ‘keep-lt-) “But, you know, that Pinkerton fel- ark’ stuff in a hotel like thie?” low got this poor boy so fusgled th “Well, it's Ind of slow just @t this!no matter whether ne was follow: time of year—during the season—De-/ing him or, not, he'd Ko ‘round brus} comer, January and Febru: brightens up quite some, though. Say, did I ever tell you about,the guy who k on me just about the time his had the a “Ant my nerves ain't strong, anyway an’ watching him alwa ting his head to see who was behind him give “What wae his number | me the nervous twitch In my neck, an’ “Pwo, Ob, 1 got them all tloketed fa was afraid T was going into St. | and (led up with baby ribbons, you bet. | Vitus’, ao T had to hand him his realg- | And some day, when I marry a million, nation. I hated to do !t, But, mygosl yetem hard enough nowadays to in a book of mee-motra—an' what that/one to tack you on for keeps, without Say, oribl having an automatic rubberneck as a ‘t from me, if there was @ amalipo®*handicap, Don't you know it Is, your- _ goare here, tap Set-away wouldn't be | eoisa™ nothin’ to do but as over the phone. | tip that a gumehoe party with a tele- | ‘Put THe Switch on’B" SNEEZE HARD . THEN CRANK HER. SWEAR Sone | | | Huge Got he OT Toot. Box ‘AND MADE A HOLE in THE WHEEL BaAse'* CIEE AR HARA APA RRIIRAE REAR IR AIRS RII OIRO anni anneA mney | !f ene’ Lost, Strayed or Stolen :—Willie Jarr and a Half-Pound of Butter ARRAN I RIER RRORRIR TINH NAR RRR IRIN RIAN R ER “When women have votes clerks'll wait on children as promptly as they,| do on grown-ups!"' eald Mrs. Jarr. She had had Clara Mudridge-mith, now an ardent euffragette, with her all afternoon and was feeling the infuence of the battle ory of civic equality. “You'd better look in at the moving Picture show, Temarked, however, as Mr, Jarr reached the door. “I can't trust those children with a Gve-cent plece since the crase for the ‘movies,’ as they call them, has all the young ones e!mply beyond one’s control!’ “Umivah,” assented Mr. Jerr, and etarted down the stairs. Mre, Jarr leaned over the balustrade and advised him to look in QMuller’s @mocery, because, although @he had rected Master Jarr to go to the butter of the neighborhood by targess of gingersnaps or stick candy to bring cash trade to him, But Master Jar was not at the ‘movies.’ The ticket taker vouched for that, and he knew Master Jarr well, ‘We ain't runnin’ no reels jist now. It's supper time,” said the ticket taker. Master Jarr was not at Mu arocery, nor wae he in the butter and ess store. But as Mr. Jarr passed a vacant lot, inclosed with high billboards, temper - mental | he heand the voice of his child. “Aw, L didn't hurt yuh, yuh big baby!’ the voice of his child was saying, And Mr. Jarr pcered through a crack in the billvoards to behold Master Gus- le Bopler withing dn pain on the ground, and Master Jarr and Master Slavinsky ;And the other boys of the neighborhood gathered around crying “Ory baby!" “Cowardy calf nd other taunting and |deriaive epithets. | "You got to . bonehead away from my in- erled Master © ry | And it was apparent Master Bepler |had been struck In the pit of the atom- ach | balls, “Don't T get me bal | unfortunate batsma self up and gazed ruefully around him. “Me stummick hotte orful!" | “Naw, yuh don't get no bas used the others, {the way of a pitched ball!" | “te he don't hurry into the outfeld, kick him!" cried several, | Master Hepler to make him hurry, | Mr. Jarr rapped on fealled the game. |fence with a wooden dish full of ha melted butter, Mr. threw {t back in the vacant lot, pu chased a firm half-pound tn the nea: mother when they got home by “The boy couldn't help himsel Nor could Me. Besides: Be it Dudable, there's no game like baggball! | but you can always flatter thim into it." and egg store, Muller seduced the youth | Jarr by one of Master Jarr's pitched whimpered the he picked him- "* chor- “Yer out fer gittin’ tn And the dear Iittle boys, who have the, ‘trical customs of cave men or the wolf ~ itl ing things cff'n his shadow, like he pick, proceeded to drub the unfortunate the fence and! Master Jarr came creeping under the Jare selzed this, er 96! New York As the town has grown the Copyright, 1012, by The Press Publishing Co, (The New York Wort}. needn't have emiled at him s0 encouragingly,” complained the Mere Man, as the Rib sank, with a ravishing bow, into the seat just pro:e fered her by a nice young man, L Oh, yes, I did need to,” she cooed delightedly. “Well, you needn't have thanked him as though he had handed you a bund!) Of @teel stock or @ diamond tiara—and so that the whole car could hear, that!" grumbled the Mere Man. “That's just what I did it for,” rejoined the Rib, “What “So that the whole car could hear,” she explained patiently. to attract attention. ‘That's my mission in life, Mr. Cutting.” “To attract attention?” inquired the Mere Man bitterly. “Or to bestow lan- suishing emiles on strange young cubs?” “Neither,” replied the Rub. “To foster and encourage masculine courtesy. To revive and stimulate the lost art of chivalry. To promote the interests of woman, by promoting man’s interest IN her. To dig up the antique graces anc obsolete sentiments, and restore them to faehion and popularity again. Ian’ it @ great mission, Mr. Cutting?” i “Great!” exclaimed the Mere Man satirically. sweetners and light—and conceited young puppies! Mamma's Boy Club, and give lectures on 1t?"" “Because I don't believe in lecturing, or arguing, or reasoning with men,”” returned the Rib cheerfully, “but in—er—stimulating them. You can't make © small boy keep his face clean by telling him fhow horrid he Jooks when he doesn’t wash it, but by telling him how handsome and manly he looks who he does. It's merely a matter of holding the right thought before a man's mind— the thought of how wonderful he is. You can't shame him into good behavior. “I WANTED “To fill the wortd with Why don't you form « “H'm'" commented the Mere Man laconically. ‘Well, shaming that young rascal before the whole crowd" — “Nonsense! returned the Rib. “It may have embarrassed him a teeny weeny bit, just as !t embarrasses you to be told that you ‘have done somethin ; noble or that you have a perfect nose or a wonderful mind, But ‘he liked 1% Just as you do, And even if he hadn't, the one must be sacrificed to the many for the good of the Cause, Mr. Cutting.” “And it's abways the virtuous one who ‘1s sacrificed,” rejoined the Mere Mer cynically. “Yes,” agreed the Rib cheerfully. you succeeded tn “It's always the poor, innocent fatte! calf. But I'm simply sowing seed, Mr. Cutting. Chivalry is the rarest flowe’ of modern life; and if we are going to cultivate it, we must water it with courtesy, and coax ft into blossom witl flattery and smiles, The only way t- Persuc te a man to do anything you want {s to tell him what a figure he out» when he does It. Now, the young man who offered me this seat doesn't coun! at all in the equation; it's the twenty-five men who did NOT offer me a seat whom I am working. I calculate that at least twelve out of the twenty-five eaw what a graceful and impressive figure the young man out, and that least six out of the twelve will rise Hke faithful little ‘Jacks in the box’ the nex! time they see a woman. standing.” “And then be sorry they did tt when she plumps down Into the seat withou: @ word of gratitude,” added the Mere Man. “If the modern woman had re tained the courtesy of the sweet old-fashioned woman she would have retatnes all the devotion and chivalry of-ot"— “Of the sweet, old-fashioned man?’ put in the Rib helpfully. jonsense’ It'e the ‘sweet old-fashioncd woman’ wh) plumps down into @ seat as though she were doing a man a favor, and lets her prectous babe rub its muddy fey all over him. When the modern business girl DOES get a seat or a kind wor! offered her, she is 80 overcome wih astonishment and gratitude that she feel; dike going down on ‘her knees and thanking the donor with tears in her eyep. ‘sweet old-fashioned woman’ who takes everything that is coming he: way asa matter of course; who accepts the courtesies and attentions and sacri: fices of men as her right. Of course they ARE her right; and she doesn't owe ® man even a nod of acknowledgment tn return for his little old’ five-cent seat and she’s got her privileges—BUT she'll soon lose thém ty tf she doesn't learn to say “Thank you,’ and ‘Please, kinc instead of just grabbing them, Ike a spollt child.” "She's lost them already,” declared the Mere Man. “‘It @ince I offered a woman my seat in a street car out of courtes: “Then, why do you offer it to her at all?” inquired the Rib. “Out of pity, if she's old," explained the Mere Man, “and out of self-respeot, young. A chap who's been brought up by a gentle mother feels so—sort of funny, eltting down while a woman {s standing,” and the Mere Man fiusho'l rather sheepishly. “They DO cut a rather poor figure," sald the Rib glancing down the line of reoumbent ones, and then up at the Mere Man who clung to a strap in front of her, “beside YOU," she added-softly, but distinctly. | aR noeo The Week’s Wash By Martin Green. Copyright, 1912, by The Press Publishing Co, (The New York World), DE,” remarked the Head the property have been paying the Polisher, “I've been reading | taxes. the figures on the cost of the| “The time {s coming when pereone new subways, and | like this lad will have to cough wp thetr it seems to me|proportionate share of the expense of they must be) running the city ¥ figuring on gold’ “The big load we are putting on those rails and platinum | who are to come will rouse them to coaches and dec-|action. They will wake up aome of orating the ticket | these days and devise a plan by which booths with dia-|those who have shall be separated monds. therefrom to a large extent, while those “Even 60," re-|who have not shall be exempt fren plied the Laundry | cutting loose from same. Man, “New York Who Said “Sie "Em?" is no piker town. ‘We are going to ad Polisher, “must be seme rise, the way we're rushing re spend hundreds fighting men down there.” of millions on our mubwaye because we can afford to blow “Not belng on the ground,” eaid:¢he Laundry Man, “I wouldn't say the ourselves for what we need. We've been waiting and waiting ror subway and {revolution ts a fake, but I'll bet @ sear son ticket to @ recreation pler agatnat mow when they are in sight astute gentlemen are cutting tn with objections @ seat reservation in Central Park a that they are going to pile a load on the taxpayers. “Thus far I haven't noted any kicks from the real taxpayers—tne people who have to use the subways in travelling to and from their work. The cost of the subways will be returned to the people in the increased value of the properties benefited by the distribution of the population. “Posterity will have to pay for the subways we are about to build. And by the time posterity comes to settle there will doubtless be a different method in vogue of collecting the coin. “At the present time the entire bur- den of taxes is borne by those least able to shoulder It, The bulk of the quad of New York policemen cow put it out of business, ‘The revolution in éwself takes eeqond | Place to this question, Who started it? food and clothing and other|Who staked the Cuban colored man jand brother to uprise with force 0 arms? What American interests Cuba would be benefited by having island swept into the United States the ground that the Cubans are un to govern them: taxes is paid by people who pay rent and buy tions are boosted. Who is sending elon the bankroll out of which the patrio get thelr pay? Maybe if the Governe ment did a little investigating along. this Ine it wouldn't be necessary te. send marines and soldiers to Cuba right at the beginning of the hot weather.” necessities. Taxes are included in the cost of everything. “Recently a boy of this elty fell heir, through the death of his father, to ore than $10,000,000, mostly in city real estate, This boy has never turned his hand in honest labor, Hoy has nev | earned a dollar, and {f forced to depend on his own efforts would be pressed to get a job paying twelve simoleons a SEE," sald the Head Pol! week. “His imnmietme rortune naa ween ore sented to his ancestors by the City oP “that President Taft 4s game will stick to the finish,” ‘fortune has grown. And the tenants on ' for punishment, + emma ty IAI AMR men