The evening world. Newspaper, July 23, 1907, Page 10

rs The “puptished Dally except Sunday by the Preas: Publishing Company, Na & to @ Park Row, New York. SOSRIM PULITEER, Pres, t East 104 Ooreet, LANGUES SAW, Gee,-T reas, POT Weed 11h Street Entered at the Post-Ofice at New York as Second-Class Mail Matter. Sudscrt Canad: For England and the Con- Siraning World forthe. a tnent and All Countries United States. One year... = 86.76 in thor Internattor 421 One month. * 5 PROPOSAL STATISTICS. | eae FF, PAINSTAKING statistician has read one hundred and fifty novels with! an arithmetical eye to discover how / the ‘heroes proposed and what the heroines did about It. ’ ’ Nowman whose life was not spent {n mathematical calculation would - go,through such a process. Lacking experience himself, this: learned statistician’ must! have: assumed that novel writers actually wrote from knowledge, and that by research he aacaelale Reena’ ..NO, 16,772. fe Ze “could tabulate sentimental facts from their disclosures. How foolish teamed men sometimes are! Novels are written for women. ———Eyery publisher knows that his profits depend on the feminine | . Public. Stories about war, pirates and Indians appeal to boys. Occasion- ally some rare work of fiction true to life like “David Harum” attains But the bulk of novels an enormous circulation because men buy it. nine times out of ten are published for women. That is \the reason J ~~ their politics is so untrue to the fact © fj and that their lovemaking proceeds on stilts. Beautiful oratorical proposals are found only in novels. They are vented to meet the demar{l ~ girls buy novels to find oul t Lee way to be proposed to. Older girls pIAytirre “who have occasionally been on the #4 i\ | \ verge of matrimony buy ggvels to Ni | find out how much better! engage- ments could be krought about if the novel men could only be made alive and real. Married women\read novels to find out what they missed -—gnd‘to wonder why- novel writers omit characters as -prosaic_as_ their husbands. Still, to return to the statistician’s proposal statistics. According to his summaries, out of every thres men who propose two are accepted and one rejected. Seventy-two per cent. of the successful men held the girl's hand while they were proposing to her. Two kissed her hand. Sixty-seven kissed her: lips before the performance was over. Further extracts from this tabu- lation enforce the infidelity to fact of novel proposals. More than a third of the girls did not know that they were going to be proposed to. Think of that!—Out of any hun- _dred average girls not two-are so blind and deaf as not to have some gtimmering-of the state-of-a-man's mind, As well might a statistician report that only one fisherman out -of-three-knows when he has a bite on his hook, : It also appears that the trite fallacy that the girl who does not Marry a man Offers to solace hin by being a sister to him has its founds: tion in novels, for out of the small! 1iumber of heroines who, for whatever Season, did not marry the hero. si: sisters. Something should be done to vel writers and publishers — -_ girls unhappy and >» ried women discontented. married women know th had not be plished. Young ¢ ¢ E Se sé hetter opportunities than come to them in Jater life because the man fails ta rise to the rhetorical Standards of their /fayorite novel. in general are a humdrum lot. u Theye do not go down © as good for them.” They do not propose either tragically or rhetorically. They get married because and when some ewoman decides their fate. They have teally little more to do with it than a fish with the fisherman. Letters from ‘the People. | ide Park Again, The Event th en as-is Teachnd the age of twenty-one you rtake out full papers, of-eventnzs much coo}- A in Right. | nfort ts J pn the tof The Ey World nd fine Iawna’and hillocks of| haianiebletecalen ole ae eee lw that-an able-bodied Amert- It ta the only play-| oa, oy of foreign parentage, if ty for old and young ( Uh Sey ah eoie | able to comply with all the require could be tn not to harm’ the turt| mene And) Js up tothe standa and shrubbery or.seaticr papers thera | Mtwould be even better, For the publio| U9% 14 entitled to enlistment in clther | $s allowed to stray on Its broad meadows | ‘he Army ‘or navy, B contends that abhi: ©. & AUGE, |0BIy those of American parentage can More Trees or Peuplet ually Jaycar are ett ‘ peel aie etree ee, JOSEPH ENGLISH, Harrison, N. Y. ‘There ts an old question I want to ‘ Ri eie gwen ss fevive for tho sake of getting your | Tee Biltor of Ths Brening World: roaders’ opinions, It js not as fool Where \are the birth records kept of @a it may sound. The question te this: | Persons born in New York City? { “Are there more treos or people in tn Brooulyn, N.Y, A. K. | world?’ Who oan tellt Bureau of Vital Statlattca, Hoalth De- | partment, Bixth averme and’ Fifty-ntth | street. | | | | MARJORID Department of Highways. To the IMitor of The Drening Work; ‘Te whom can I complain about the Bad condition ofa sidewalk? LoL. Natexalization. Mo the Dittor of Tectrealaa Word: ‘Can I recetve my second citizen papers + @t ence, or will I have to take out the first apd after two yeare the second? Have WRbatee Bftocn years | much a echnol tn the city would I be ted bo Not If You Live Outside the City of New Yor. ‘To the Editor of The Krening World: | I graduated from publle school a year ago. My ambiuon was to go to high achool, but Iwas compelled to go to work. Now, I would like to attend an evening high school, but as there ts not | de | T uve, Bill Le The Jarr Family’s Daily Jars. ««-. By’ Roy L. McCardell. S~THIS-al-you-have-tor-breekfast?-began- Mr. Jagr. “What's the matter with you?’ asked Mra J “You must have gotten out of the bed wrong sidg and if you knew how ugly yoou look when you frown YOU gog4 Jaay quietly wouldn't do {t. They may {t makes wrinkles,” | “I don't care famte-l get — “T Jarr. sald the aver mind. Itt “Don't want it! “You haven't eaten “It len t a g00d one," | CAME To APPLY FoR THE JOB - Mm A GREAT STATESMAN, SR GIVE THE PEOPLE HIS RIGHTS, DING BUST IT ' “And itm protty near time you acted Ike a human being! Instead of a bear,” said Mra. want for brenkt “Yt want a good breakfast, tlrat’ Not half cooked. st = > lnear-the-children nox. Da you want them to come to breakfas! T want one breakfast in- peace!” growled the fond father. said the grumbler. What He Wants to Know. By Maurice Ketten. Le INVESTIGATE WANTED: AMAN ULL MaKe MUSH ~ A MAN FOR THE WHITE House SoS FAINT Bae TAFT Burren | ANT. Fae Mie “You can’t tell till you try 1t,"" said Mra. Jarr. of coffee tT" le —wish—you—wertihd,"* sald Mir Jarr,_grivffly. “It's too now 1 wonder tt tt Sa “Oh, bother the weather! “Oh, bother!" said Mr. Jarr. ‘You talk silly! growied Mr. Jarr. ‘The kind of break- spoon-on- the-tabie, “Now don't start the week by being cross,” said Mrs.) + the matter with yout’ he asked aft a TT nobody sp to_me in: tata tho week started Sunday, It's] “4 person can't speak to you this morn! Tueaday—pretty near the middle of the week!" said Mr.|temper. Aren't you fyeling well?” asked Mri answer. ‘Where are the children. Why aren't ‘What did you! 4 | you complained y: Jarr. ‘Look at this egg. | (Mr. Jarr. Oh, you-ave—juat_tealing cross this mornin, Bat “No, TF don't T can tell tt isn't good." “They were slecping soundly and I didn’t wake y bothered you at br. “They wouldn't bother mo at breakfast If they bohaved “T think’ you might take a little time a WANTED § A_MAN FoR THE ; W HITE HOUSE eecy HERE SHUT. UP! | Don'T OH es FOR YOUR POLICIES —\WHAT | WANT To KNOW 1S WHAT DO YOu EAT as DRINK D “Shall I give you a fresh cup) “The one I had tasted fiat and a while. akfast.” Mra. Ja ‘Why don’t you eat your breakfast then?” asked Mrs. Jarr, ‘You attend to your/own breakfast,” said Mr. Jarr, “What are you grumb: Hustle, of Harlem. £2 ANY THING SB GET THE PACKACE! GREAT HEAVENS!) WHAT A WASTE THEY: SAY YOU MUST SEND A WRITTEN ORDER TO THE EXPRESS MAN HERE. WITH EXPRESS PACKAGE! WOULDN'T LEAVE IT WIidOUT DE Mone! NOW GO OVER AND Evéning World’s Daily Magazine, Tuesday, July 23, “Tl have the girl make some fresh coffer," sald Mra. Jarr with rare patience. My breakfast {a spoiled!” sald Mr. Jarr. golng to rain to-day again?” #ild Mrs, Jerr Can I help the weather?" asked Mr. Jarr. lgone itt To hear you talk you'd think I could make the aun shine!” ) you could make a Uttle wunshine around this house if-you tried,” said the “Dog Whereat Mrs. Jarr waid nothing for @ whilo and Mr, Jarr drummed with @ “Have I committed T never saw you In such 6 Jarr, "IE feel all right, and if I didn't you wouldn't care!" was y at the table?” em," 21d Mra. Jarr. the ungracious “and themsolyes!” eald d teach them some manners Meh C2 G32 ByH. Methfessel. 1907? | GorfradeBarnu Kiel asics yo “The Joilier.” SCRAWNY, querulous Iittle apinster aat opposite me at the restaurant trying to make. the most of a 15-cent ment, : “What's become of that girl who used to help you at this tablet? she anked my friend, the waltress, eagerly. “The girl we galled The dollier?” inquired the waitress. “She gof married and went io St. Louls.’" . A little sigh escaped between the little spinster's thin lips. ‘You'll lose cuss tomers by that," she sald. Then, tightening her face up like a penny bank, ehe “| took up hér check and’ departed with a final alr. “Everybody misses The Joliier,"" saidi my friend. “You knew ell the time that she was giving you Blarney; but most people won't take that. much trouble: for you, they’re so busy thinking of themselves. It's something /f anybody takes the trouble to flatter you. Besides, The Jollier took an Interest and seemed te sympathize. She'd always notice that old maid guy, for Instance, ‘Where've. you been all this time?’ she'd say, and she'd remember what the'eld lady |iked, ‘We've got fine butter cakes to-day,’ she'd say, Then she'd go and Jolly John, ‘Johnny,’ she'd say, ‘I want. some éxtra brown butter cakes—your kind: Don't‘ Jet any one make them but yourself.’ Then back she'd be at the table, ‘smiling’ at all the men, The. Gift of Tact. “The seats at our table were always full and people waiting, and the tips tha$ girl would get! Something wonderfull And now she's got a good husband. He's! a homely fellow. /At first we couldn't’ see what The Jollier naw In him. We alt used to make fun of him. But when she‘ got engaged th him we found out he wag A No. 1 and well fixed. She could seem to see through people right off.” ‘An I ate my luncheon I scanned the faces at the table\with new interest. Therd was a little factory girl gulping a cup of coffee and a plece of chocolate cakew probably the nearest approach to happincss she would have that day. A rheumaf2 old man waa screwing up his face with pain as be tried to hang his hat on @* high hook. A stout, humorous car conductor next me looked as though he might, -~ make fun for the whole table If any one could get him started. The lady opposite: was evidently in a hurry: Her friend's hat was on crooked. In fact, I noticed for the first time that they were /ll real people with human traits and special needa, I could just see what a difference The Jollier would have made at their three’ meals per day. When the noon rush was ever my friend resumed. fe 4 © One Seeret of Popularity. she sald, “when we'd be golng out ehe'd always pet peoples -* oo at their bables. Dogs and bables would take to her like everybody else. Even the worst of the kids looked cute when they laughed back’ at her. She'd fix up a strange giri's belt for her, chat with the colored woman in the waiting-room, gossip with a matron on the ferry and have a joke for tha ticket chopper, She was the greatest ever! She happened to get taken in a. cinematograph picture for a vaudeville show once, just as she was stepping out of a scenic railway car and laughing right straight at you, and my gentleman friend says a young fellow that was struck on her always goes to that same show just to seo her gel out aud come walking up so friendly. It's kind of sad, ain't it? i “It's kind of sad there aren't more Ike her,” I sald. All day after that I took a deeper tnterest 1n the people I saw; the most ore — nary of them seemed to mean more to me. Whon I complimented a tired Itthe ‘voman on her family of five little girls all dressed carefully in white she bright- ened mightily and seemed to take a Pride in them herself. I even sympa=’ thized for the first time with the man at the information bureau at the depot. The Charm of Friendliness. ‘That evening my waltreas friend and her beru took me to the vaudeville show. to see the cinematograph pictures of The Jollier, and {t did my heart good te know that she had been caught at her best by the photographer to go on gladdene ing New York long after she had been personally carried off to Missourt. Most of us, asa rule, are about as gracious as the “onsified man.” We are often tempted to stick pina Into people to see if they are real under thelr frigid masks-anéd-no doubt they fee! the same way toward us, It certainly ts “kind of . sad” that more of us do not-eee In people what we expect them to see in us; that — more of us do not, like The Jolllcr, help to bring out what Is best in those whe pase our way during the little time we are all here together in this mysterious life The Best Fun of the Day by Evening World Humorists. ling and finding fault with me fort Why don’t you give me some coffer’ “You said you didn't want any,” eald Mrs, Jarr. _snappel Mr. Jarr. “Oh, never mind [f Its going to be al§, that trouble," 1e-wdded,-ne-MreJarr_telt the coffee pot to ses tf {t was warm -/ “It's no trouble," said Mrs. Jarr. “‘T'll have tt heated Fil tpold you I didn’t want any! What's the matter with you this morning, anye way?’ said Mr, Jarr. : i ’m ‘all right, but you are as grumpy as can be,” said Mrs. Jarr, —t-am-not! seid Mry-Jare,—tbut it's enough to make @ man grumpy to seq you sitting there frowning. Dog gone it! Ill go downtown and get some: breakfast!" : “What time will you be home? asked Mra. Jarr. ‘Til be home when you are in a better temper! shouted Mr, Jerr. “Whag are ypu po cross about, anyway?’ “t'm-not-crose, -dear,'”-said. Mra. Darr, amiably. * “Why aren't you, then? sald Mr. Jarr, “I was out late and I feel bad this morning and—I've bean expecting tt. Go ahead!" paneer (Ate: “Nonsense!” said Mrs. Jarr, amiling. And after ho had departed she oaki wofttly to herself, “It's a good way to keep them guessing sometimes Anywegy* he didn't know bow much money he had.” : And she smoothed out a bunch of bills and wondered what she'd buy herself’, $ ‘New York Thro’ Funny Glasses: z ~~ By Irvin S. Cobb. Sa Te Feolish Season now has the benefit of the ders” ‘The Rey. Mr. Aked, who came over here to preacly at the Fifth Avenue Standard Ol! Church, has discow= tered that an Englishman Ja the unhappfest and forlornest - of creatures, and has at the same time announced thed” he expects to become an American at the earliest poss= sible moment and in the loudést possible manner, Wheres 3 hers from Chancellor Day nd intense _- silence everywhore else, A reporter for the Evening Can-Opener found the revs}: crend gentleman at Ma home, erated in a oosy corner? composed of Old Glories pinned back with spread eagles, ~ He was dressed as Columbia, The Gem of the Ocean, and” with aid of @ fne-tooth comb~and a sheet of tHasue paper ‘was practising ‘The Star Spangled Banner,” un-* expurgated edition, verses one to four, Inclusive, His feet, which were attired in a pair of $3.60 Congress gaiters, rested a picture of the British Hon. At Intervals during the interview he arose and Kicked a atiffed unicorn with great vebemence. He also amoked an Andy | Jackson cigar, which 1s so called, we belleve, because tt is mainly composed © of old. hickory. y Mr, Aked spoke at some lerigth, but no great breadth. He frequently used the truly American phrases, “I swan,” and “I calculate," employing the broad A to good advantage: in both. He stated that for years and years, whiley living in England, he felt like his last name. He supposed !t was malaria. But after he heard the second time from Mr. Rockefeller and discovered what, the salary would be, he knew he had a call; and so he came over here and.» gaye out two or three hundred interviews the day he.landed touching America, and got settled; and then all of a sudden he discovéred what afled him all along. He had .been suffering from the depressing effect of Itving) | @ in a monarchy, under’ the malignant influences of a House of Lords. Bare) sonally, It always seemed to me, judging from their pictures, that the SS red) of Lords were a harmless and domesticated set of gentlemen, whose nat faults were ‘their side whiskers and their habit of wearing their hats tn thy house, e a But Mr, Aked must know. And so now he's going to be one of the i ‘Americana that ever called’ trolley car a’ tram, and it ts understood that ha’ has bespoken the privilege of setting the Declaration of Independence to musla'iy for the next Fourth of July plcnio of his Sunday-school class,, j ‘We trust he will pardon us if we do not grow intensely excited te | pect foreigners to become Americans when they move into these United States’ We look for them to agree.to support the Constitution, because it ta golnmata), | nead @ good deal of supporting and some nursing when Mr, Roosevelt seta)! through with {t, But the operation need not entail the uttering of amy vlercings) cries of the letting off of any firecrackers. s t 6 i) The only Way we can measure the Swedish iminigration, for example, Is the growth of the Republican majority in Minnesols. Here in New York wo | merely assume that an alien will procure his naturalimation papers as gromptiyt! and quietly as possible and begin voting, and keeey on doing sq, untél ase’ rested or made # district fe Sage : et SHE FUNNY Pass ‘ eahaterdir3 ah