The evening world. Newspaper, March 31, 1904, Page 14

‘THURSDAY EVENING, MARCH 31, 1904, # THE w# EVENING »# WORL > D'S w HOME # MAGAZINE. we) World Published by the Press Publishing Company, No. 62 to 6 Park Row, New York. Entered at the Post-Ofice at New York as Sevond-Class Mull. Matter. VOLUME 44, +-NO. 15,863. The Evening World First. | Number of columns of advertising in The Evening World for 12 months, ending | Bachelors | Do Not Like Leap Year. By Nixola Greeley - Smith. Matrimonial propositions are governed} solely by parties themselves, Yeara| of time, whether they be odd years or | 45 69456-826466-064000006000000006 DES ROO RN ~The Great and THE MOST IMPORTANT LITTLE MAN ON EARTH. Mr. Peewee Joins the Shooting-Iron Brigade. T DARE THAT MONKEY EASTMAN By Martin Green. ae The Japs and Russians Seem to Have Gone Intoa Trance.. February 29, 1904. . we e12,5181 | even years, through solar ditterences | 5 which create our jeap year, what has + Number of columns of advertising in The | that to do with proposals? | Evening World for 12 months, ending | February 28, 1903........eeceeeee+ 8.257% INCREASE........ 4,261% This record of growth was not equalled by any Newspaper, morning or evening, in the United States. CHIEF CROKER'’S STRATEGIC POINTS. Chief Croker’s demand for a reinforced fire department is in accord with the warrior spirit which holds that Providence is on the side of the heaviest battalions. But it is also more. It is the urgent utterance of a commander who proves his generalship by showing how well he has looked over his fighting geounds. With his plea for a $2,000,000 appropriation for new engines and trucks he files a statement showing where each added com- $ pany should be placed. ‘here is the work of a general who knows his points of strategy. Through such a -ograsp of situations as this represents, but greatly magnified, the German battles ir. the Franco-Prussian * war were won on maps and plans before they were fought on fields. ; . New York is not to go inito its pocket offhand for the $2,000,000 because Chief Croker says so. But the city must take very seriously the word and argument of its Fire Department commander and act promptly with all the liberality that the official judgment “highest up” can approve. The Chief is a . very: strenuous flame-fighter. His table of strategic Would a true woman take this as ani | excuse, and would the man proposed to) & |think the same of her thereafter? ig As a bachelor, yet an admirer of the) { ‘gontle nex, I would cheerfully recom-! & mend young Indies to be lentent in the! ? \rratter of time, as cll good things come | to thore who wait. P. F. HENNIG. |< RULY, all thinga! « T do come to thoxe| % who watt, but! 4 who shall eay they! are auy better for the delay? Generall Speaking, a- waiting! policy fa undestra- ble to pursue be- cause unneces sary, Many a wom.| an has lived five or 1x unprofitable, years waiting for a man to make up his mind to ask her to marry him, when she might have been hoppy at once by making it yp for him. Men are very slow at reaching @ conclusion where marriage ts con- cerned, and many of them really lke to be saved the trouble. The girl who lets concealment, ke a worm 1’ the bud, feed on her damask cheek, ma havo an exalted moral nature, but whe Is pretty sure fo die an old maid. The exact connection between solar differences which create leap year and the feminine proposal may'not be clear, But why should (t be? The origins of most long-established popular usages are lést in the imiste of ‘antiquity. Would the man proposed to think the same of the girl thereafter? Probably not, but then he would not be likely to under any circumstances, The idea of @ pretty and enamored young woman taking the hand of al ‘ coy young man and urging her mat- timontal sult upon him {ts not taken seriously by any one, $ ; BP RRORIORTRS $]- So BRAVE! ie pip! N fe (ART HAL Should a Barefooted Man Kick His Mother-in-Law? go sit ona tack, and yon will then understand THE POINT of our theory. * Recently a man was arrested for jumping up from his bed BAREFOOT! Do you, my dear average reader, know why he was.so N foollsh? Why? Just because he never read our {dioto- ‘rlals; he ts NOT one of our FAMILY of readers, and. his gar-bow!” fs ful of sandworms instead of THINKING ‘orains. Science teaches ~~ © /~ us that the nervés of the BRAIN are B connected with the merves of the en- tire body. If you don't believe this and kicking bis WIFE'S MOTHER. would be handing some, hot wallops to each other pretty soon,” remarked the Cigar Store Man. ‘ “I hope you get a lcok-in on your look.” replied €he Man Higher Up. -“Still, I wouldn't fall in a fit if won heard from some reliable captain of a Chinese junk that the engagement between the Cossacks and the Japaness pony riders last Monday was a snowball fight. “Most of the news that we have been getting recently ‘came from captains of Chinese junks. These junk skip- pers must have telescopic eyes. They can sail down tha west coast of Corea and see «ll the way across to Japan: leas there is considerable Japanese and Russian gore spilt over there pretty soon the newspapers will bo running the war news from the Far East sandwiched between the real estate transfers and the church notices. The way the news 1s, squeezed out of Toklo and St. Petersburg is ‘something flerce. In every scrap thus far+ both sides have claimed victory. What they need fs @ good referee like Charley White or Eddie Graney. The7 could bank on Graney never calling a fight a draw. “I am greatly concerned about the inhabitants of Port Arthur. We get a report from the special corre- | spondent of the Zwelbach Anzelger that the soldiers ara feating their own whiskers and a vodka famine’ is threath ened. Then the special correspondent of the Puraper nickel Schwartzbrod cables his paper at great expens: that the garrison is getting tired of a diet of goose livers and champagne and Is clamoring for black bread and} axle grease. If the Japanese are wise they will wait until everybody in Port Arthur is dead from a combina: " tion of starvation and indigestion and run an excursion over to capture the town. “Did .you see the latest news from Possiet Bay? That 77 [ looks as though the Russians and the Japs > | {s where the Chinese junk captains sald that the Japan- ese had landed 400,000 troops on the icebergs to skate into the intertor of Manchuria. For a long time Trosstet Bay might as well have been dried up, so far as news Probably it has happened A sensible man would never KICK his mother-in-law S loes not urge the spending of} time. Everything nie, But ie By when In his bare feet, His sense of feeling would con- was concerned, but she came to the front again. yester- points shows that he 6 millions on mere impul : Ma eerae ries cea pect with his brain nerves, and bis brain nerves would ) F s vilege do not, as a ri WHOM PROSPERITY LEAVES BEHIND. matters so crudely, Many a man has beey swopt off his tell him to PUT HIS SHOES ON FIRST and there worms Hi be less fear of injuring his feet. Will the mothers-in-law of land please write-and | a Russian mine, at the conclusion of which the mine blow up the whale, As soon as this news gets to Chefoo) {ne years in| f¢t and incidentally startled out of PISTOLS. we will hear that the whale was a Japanese spy ad A iad zo aati Saati y his intrenched bachelorhood by the You MON jellies Bey much they thank us for handing out this sage ! ufitinvetitt aeon angthlnx\abont the Crap solag davane e nervice—the e f softly whispered “Speak ‘to mamma," ney During the whole period he has received $65,915.78. For the last three years his salary hasbeen at the maximum rate, amounting to a little more than $980 per year. This man {s In a position calling for a rather high or “I wonder what papa will eay to our engagement?” following a kiss given in the summer moonlight, which had previously no other meaning than that time and the hour were both pro- pitibus to love-making. It is only the PEEWEE, | ing bughouse must he sie! lately," commented the Cigar Store Man. “No,” said the Man Higher Up. “The English jour-| naljst who used to tell the world about tne Czar becom: To-Day’s $5 Prise ‘Fudge’ Idiotorial Was Written by John W. Walker, N. 504 East 84th St., N. Y. City. baby-faced ingenue who can execute PRIZE PEEWEE HEADLINES for to-day, $1 pald for each.-No. 1—HERMAN LEFFLER, No. 39 Cortlandt street, New York City. No, 2-9 this coup successfully, but the girl of grado of intelligence. He has worked sometimer sixteen The Flying Coin, day as the scene of a terrific battle between a whale ‘ a day. He is employed under 1904 conditions of : ihe IRST borrow a marked coin from some one, Thet ae * ty: ey fined a quarter of @ century er -iler.| mochoag uiteated appearance has other] B ROBERT GRAY, jr No, 238 Fourteenth street, Brooklyn. No. 3-DAN COLYER, Jr., No, 488 St Nicholas avenue, New York City. F sea acoat al eventos a aa IAM la late He and hin comrades In gray have been simply left| It 1» she whose eyes sparkle and To-Morrow’s Prize Fudge Idiotorial Gook, ‘‘ Be Cool-Headed, Fat Ice.” Gidaiey sail Gontipment) inversenves eacs ‘ : der to. sat : f\ while a Jong procession of other men, from day| WHo#® cheoks fan there Is no deception about this performance, I abeil pin behind, K DI Kise lightly given,’ and whose tones : Fe eee ts ares Ba to skilled artisans, Hxve marched on to shorter | mingle anger and this marked coin In the h of any boy you choose fron laborers i ry tender regret as she hours and increased wages. +» Doubtless the new rural mail delivery is a tremendous «Institution. Its messengers face many perijs and mucn * politics. But the nation which remembers them grate- fully takes long chances in ingratitude in forgetting the city men of postal burdens. THE TIPSY BY ANY OTHER NAME. A city Magistrate professed that he was dazed when & policeman pronounced “paralyzed” and “dead to the world” a certain prisoner in the pen. It did not help ‘matters when the officer further explained that tho ‘fellow was Yembalmed.” * Really, it 1s hurd to understand the attitude of the ‘ure The policeman was hot trying to talk above the judicial head, He was expressing himself in quite ‘sominom and popular terms. Had he been a “cop” of super-culture, a student of the Thesaurus, the difficulty of the bench would haye been inexplicable. In that case he would have declared that his man was— Temulent, fuddied, mellow, boozy, fou, fresh, merry, 0 says: “You know you have no right to do that." And you @ay perhaps, love andremorse in your heart: “But, dear- est, give me the right,” and it's all over but the funeral, which is yours."* Womanly reserve ts, no doubt, a very fine quality, but fewer husbands are se- cured by it than by flattery in tts crudest and boldest form, The way to win the average man ts| | to convince him that he ja quite the wisest, bravest, noblest of mankind, and that no woman could resist him except yourself, who, by a singular Protecting fate, have been preserved from the universal holocaust of hearts. Even the love of other women, how: ever, does not reveal to them {n full splendor the wonderful qualities of mind and heart with which your dis- Passionate Judgment has endowed him. So he will love you for your marvel. lous dlacrimination, éf for nothing else And you may then blushingly contess| that the calmness of your judgment has diminished, but not your unfaltering w bittle Tragedies Told i n Only Four Words. # t among the audience. Jack? : All right, Come'on, Jack. pl give me a little assistance, ‘ou see this marked coin? Now, I'l cover tt with m: handkerchief, and will you please hold the coin, handker- ehtef, and all, pressed horizontally between your thum and fingers, You are holding it right? “AM right. Now, when T give the word of command, th coin will travel to any part of the room that I think of, Stand clove to the boy. Just as you give the sharp com. Now Zz hand, and shake it out. It will be found perfectly empty ‘Then walk over to the person from whom you borrowe (the con, sip your finger under his coat collar, hold wy the coin in full view, and as: say "Yes," with surprise and wonder, mri This ts the way the trick {s done: You know man, Well, before y |mand, “Fly.” snatch the handkerchief out of the = “Is this the coin?’ He wi. nandkerchlefs have pretty wide hems. perform the trick, take one such handkerchief, unstitch the hem In one corner, and sew Into it a coin the size as the marked coin, When you pretend to covér the marked coin with this: handkerchief, you must really let it drop into the pal of your right hand, and the boy will know ne difterenoal } for he will feel between his finger and ‘thumb the coin that has been sewn Into the handkerchief, All you have to do, when you have jerked the hand- Pea aR ENENYT Fi tcaansy ionnieca ted y © were not the wisest, | i paddled, dowed apa oaPRY SQUMAY noblest, &c., you could not pelp lov. shake it out thoroughly. inaudlin, or crapulous, {ng him, All this time the marked coin {% auiety concealed in yo These are good words and true by the latest edition. These various methods of man-catch-| % ‘ight hand, and it is easy enough to walk up to thé Ours is a marvelous tongue, and not least marvelous in the things we do not know about it every day. USE OF THE FENDER. Fox somebody i authority to explain the practice of running street cars equipped with non-operating tenders {2nd not special): ing, howeyer, useful at all times adapted to leap year. 80 that even the girl who. does not want to take advantage of “the solar differences which create our leap year’ may profit by them with a clear con- sclence, B ry ° ownér of the coin, and apparently produce it from his coad gollar. Fy Mikado’s Bird, A live eagle was captured recently by one of the terpedo boats blockading Port Arthur and presented to the Mikada. Id be interesting. & It was. probably a specimen of the large spotted woul e inters ng. $ Thé theory concerning the fender is that it is aj SOME OF THE ¢ protection to life and limb. This theory suffers {mpalr- BEST JOKES ® ment when the fender {is tied so that it performs no office, OF THE DAY, SOMEBODY PuT ' dOdd which is common on the Liaotung promontory. When’ these ‘birds of prey are tired of the Mongolian lamb ti 0 down to meet the geese. Some remain near Shanhaike {\ wan for the wild fowl, but most follow the enormous which converge on Mukden, The Lialishan, south of + WONDER any Arthur, was long an eagle preserve, where birds were netted It would be pieasing if people were to keep from the THAT SIGN on )\Im% DAT MR Yousn Tenu |e snoveent.se Woking ani past of the Mencu ution tribes, immediate front of swiftly-moving cars, but they cannot HER NEW HAT. amen DG LLNGie me wnere® | 6 mn always do this. They may be projected there by| wite—Now, don't you think my new IER Miia Me ER TP Ppa see ne 3| accident. hat a perfect dream? ALU RIGHT. Ee nee ° Due consideration must be paid to the idiosyncrasy Pibea brad ide Troi be) a perteot ) DS EASTER $ ot the small boy whose intelligence is developed only t0|i¢ merely a drenm=cPhiladetpnis one HAT THERE the oxtent of courting danger. If he knew better than to expose himself to risk, the fact would be comforting to parents and the public. He does not know better. The experience wnat teaches him through killing bim is by all means to be averted if possible, DEATH FROM STARVATION. Explorers venture into a desolate land, taking chances they know to exist. They perish from hunger, and the public is touched by news of the tragedy. 5 In Brooklyn, by the side of a mother dead from starvation, the police find a wailing, famished child. Here is dnother tragedy, but of deeper pathos. Despite a far from perfect economic system, with inevitable measure of privations, it is not necessary that IDENTIFICATION, “Who is that man yelling so ypeiter- y in the unknown language?’ ‘There seems to be a difference of epinion, Some people say he te Stick In-the-Mud, the Choctaw terror; others believe him to be Reginald Van Ren sellaen, the Yarvard half-back,"—Bal- timore News, IMPROPER. ome of the things they teach In the Cumrox, “are, to say the least, very extraordinary,” deed?" ter forbidding my daughter to mention ‘Sapho’ she comes home and in- ar teacher fays it is a proper name! 208 —Washing- ton Star, _@my. die from lack of food in a city of abundance. Charity does much and is willing to do more. ee The pride that stifes the cry for ald should not] year” sagt to, Any man's super. NO USE TELLING. prevail ip the moment of pinching want, It niay happen| dreams ‘bont a special race hors youl nodee Gan wae tell an Englishman, that a situation most distressing does not involve any|fecls like bettin' oh him, but {* you “But it would only. be a waste 01° to the on it w dreams ‘bout a pick an’ shovci you breath," interrupted Cadley, ‘'becaus. fine ee vernon 1c \euses to'suter, perhaps is not Oo in ot not potest to hose fon | oe nea knows it all,"—Phtladel- «oin’ ¢0 work.''—Weashington Star. ' phia Ledgen SPDOGOEDOLESIHIDDODEGIGSLESOLOOODP HOSP GHGHNODOODES HHLHSLSHESHODO OS SUPERSTITION. ee SRE OS eet AN INSINUATION. | Wederly—Benedict invited me to come over and break bread with him to- I vight. 7 fits, weaerly—are you going? ny) Wederly—Not me." I understand bis, hut you cin be. t wife does her own baking. 6 | aie Cisse aly dS ieee THE DAY OF REMORSE. “If you could lve your life ov d hate wo feet, "she sald, that il tho wite of « man who had bougat viv for my beaut: in : YE. don't to a iy an pune s puzale,_ (pol cheap @ combina. these ee it will read reaching the re-