The evening world. Newspaper, April 10, 1903, Page 14

by the Press Publishing Company, No. 8% to © » Park Row, New York. Entered at the Pi at New York as Second-Class Mail Matter. Office night hideous with the torpedo and th seNO, 18,207. With him Fourth of July is a prolo: fraud. @re associated, failed to pay the company 70 @ former tenant her supply vith light. Hence the suit. @ence is sufficiently full; the tomer’s ledger account with a Tas been done in due form. is if by acids! Tent practise of this nature is even one of its patrons. @moking fair lips, say “spit” is a failing with many Latin word {is necessary in its 4s no native word to fill tt. would say, let us have “spit” dng illness, Tommie, darling @nd pampered pet, was lying @pparent to the apprehensive tiie in reaching Savannah for the watchers was over. who had wrought the good thanks and a check for $100, Mer might envy him, LONG ISLAND ites the artist. And le necks. n av + The apparent erasure of a small red circle from a @onsolidated Gas Company ledger furnishes one of the/s, various dealors; but to be wakened Mhost corvincing exhibits in the history of commercial A single bone of an extinct monster enabled Darwin to reconstruct tho animal's full skeleton; similarly this (minor item of deceptive bookkeeping may reveal the ex- tensive system of swindling and extortion with which in the popular mind the Consolidated Company's methods @pite of her assertion that she had not Incurred the @harge her gas was shut off and the meter locked. From lept. 14 to Oct. 4 the company refused to furnish her ) In‘suits of this sort the difficult task for the prosecu- Hon is to prove that an agont for the company shut off gas and locked the meter. The circumstantial evi- ‘eonsumer rarely if ever sees the lock actually placed on ‘the meter identification 1s dificult if not impossible. _ The company's evidence that its agent has attended to these details consists of two red lines under the ous- is presence is proof that the act of locking the meter technical item of book evidence was missing. But a ray ‘Af sunlight falling on the page showed that the lines and the circle had been placed there and subsequently erased ~- ‘That any business house could be guilty of a fraudu: Mt should be resorted to by a corporation of the financial ®onsequence of the Consolidated Gas Company is as- founding. Its discovery calls for am investigation of the ®ompeny’s books with particular reference to previous Buits like this, where the evidence of the ledger has been Mecepted by the Court at its face value. In the case of a quasi-public corporation whose cus- are entirely dependent on its business honor for @ correct accounting it is better that its charter should An Ambulance from Madison Avenue. be forfeited than that it should be permitted to ewindle to SIMPLE WORDS BEST. hhorted tb expunge the word “expectorate” from official @otices and pubstitute “spit” for it. F _ Our language guttural ‘with ifs spit, spat, sputter ell” has had a number of expressive monosyllables which Rave been put out of use as vulgar by the purists of a Politer time. “Spit” has survived, but it lingers now on the ragged edge. “Expectorato's” the word for the re- s 2 Y fined. ‘Would the nation’s Chief Magistrate still seek to drive it into disuse? Shall fair lips, even cigarette- | has become of the cold chicken? Phemistic polysyliable is at hand? * George Eliot's auctioneer, it will be remembered, never “began” anything when he could “commence” or “inau- "it. The liking for large words to express simple est poems, the strongest sermons, the most eloquent @peeches show, it is the plain, short words of Saxon atreost. Speech that count for most in literary work. The long But when it ccmes to a designation of the homely act ‘ef ejecting saliva, as the refined preciosists in words : TOMMIE’S CLOSE CALL. More Co: ~ (It wae midnight in Millionaire Wilson's mansion and |"! Joe %: A: Lens mot a soul had dared sleep because of Tommie's distress- - Hours the doctor ministered to his patient and the ordeal Uttle eyes, the precious imperilled life was saved, There Some of the Best ‘Was joy in the house; its beloved canine companion was Gestined still to cheer and comfort, And for the man} Jokes of the Day.) Lucky dog, Tommie, to have steam launches and spe- ¢ | clalists, perhaps with oxygen cylinders, at his service] yoy eign, Delleve in Interna- fn time of illness. Many another less fortunate fox ter-| grt! arbitration? . Paradise, as we learn from the proceedings of the TWO OF A KIND, pers’ Club at the American Institute, is the othe: for Long Island, There nature is in her mellowest| we h ad for dinner,” remarked the pod’and the farm lands tickled by the hoe smile with | Une wife. Most bountiful crops. More corn is grown on an| 000,02 %K! | my dear” rejoined she pose bn =f aianes and thence comes the finest | of disestive tablets.—Chicago News. rag caulifower in the world, the most luscious and the choicest garden truck, Historic PiBAPRBEAK, {il4 om @ hundred bills lend the picturesqueness| "8° °F Brokolelgn aldn't catoh ol4 eo is not improperly bestowed, and the pleas- & about it is that according to President Bald- 4 Uptown terminal of his road is y miles of Long Island within . bration. It begins with the advent of mild weather FRA i cele! SERS UE ES In the early spring and lasts. well into midsummer. No) doubt the sale of explosives ja thereby made lucrative nerves and ternper. Patrolmen are other lines of boyish sport. But as it Is contrary to municl: cents for gas consumed by would be turned off. In lock is there. But as the small circle beneath them. over by Prof. Josh M. A. Lon In the Cansdell suit this Long's splendid discipline at the Old thanks to old Dr. Lemonosky's medical ment. Gend in all the old jokes you can a painful disclosure; that mon the busy blue ambulance. Prof. Jouh M. A. Long: having hed their whiskers trimmed:: of water? Five vents. ‘Tim—Why, I don't know, Jim—Will, I wouldn't want to send you Please presorve in alcohol this old folk when this pleasingly eu- |. Br!dset—Bure, it's elgnt. lyn, Prof, Josh M. A. Long: Persons. Actually, as the Wants It Chained. Prof, Josh M. A. Long: Kindly chain this, A Rube saw a sign on the gulde post in will take you to Parton.” He sat on the and then said: “I wonder when eh No, 2966 place, but only when there and not “expectorate.” What 1s the difference between a Milind One goes to sca and the other can't go to of the household, idolized Why {8 a chicken Iike @ bookkeeper? Netless on his cushion lof jeoratch for a diving. xe 5 hy does a chimney smoke? Because ewe epaping for breath, bis eyes glased, his throat) waich in the enaiest of all men to trek? a Onremen, Prof. Jowh M. A. Long: household, Please place thts olf Joke in a strait ~ It was an emergency calling for prompt action. The | ponsibie: Rearest specialist was at Savannah, forty miles away. If the young life was to be saved the medical man must yes a ‘be brought to the mansion with all haste. In a trice the|’ “°""™ LOPS REBEOE, OPC. 3, Tannch was ready, the order to cast off given, and under & full head of steam the gallant craft broke the record | Prot. Josh M. A, Long: y ‘oat ke a heap of snow? When it is adrift, To show him what his nephews have been doing up to date, GEORGE GABRIELSON, 8, P. C. H. £994-86-94-2-66-0600-00 > ‘ >OO6> and returning. For three] When !* ton, at the meeting referred to, To live in a paradise 4 and tecome a patriarch will be a double boon. BOYS AND CANNON CRACKERS. Is there no way to suppress the small boy who makes” fusillade under your bedroom window is trying to the @ kind of disturbance. Boys will be boys and they ex- cuse {t while condoning thelr leniency by severity in should be suppressed. In a noise-afflicted city any un- necessary addition to the volume of ear-plercing sound The discovery was made in the Yorkville Municipal |sbould be stopped. Court in a suit of Mrs. Walter E. Cansdell for damages | ————————————— Suffered ty the action of the company In turning off her Bas. It was shown that after paying her bills promptly for several months Mrs. Cansdell was notified that if she THE ObD JOKES’ HOME you wouldn't stop] @ playing poker to; cat? But frequently after playing poker I stop eating. Prove note above another old joke renovated and made jokes are incurable, but, thanks to Prof. Josh M. A. thousands of old jokes are being made strong and healthy. Old Dr. Lemonosky 1s a akilled dermatologist and can put @ new face onan old joke after a very short course of treat- made pver and discharged strong and sound, and any that are too old and worn out to be restored to pristine youth and vigor will be cared for kindly tn their old age. Send a two-cent stamp to Prof. Josh M. A. Long and get one of the handsome Goctety for the Prevention of Cruelty to Humor Eadges, When you have a badge allow no old Joke to escape. Take them promptly into custody and sum- Results of yesterday's raids by our badge-wearers: The following have just been returned by the barber, after ‘What ts the difference between a sewing-machine a1 3 nd kiss? Well, one sews seams nice and the other eerie nt 5 ‘Wanted—I if An old fetter from Theodore Roosevelt {s made pub- Must be pee eeterd IB eesterigie serectnentbou Mo, in which the President of the Board of Health is ex- What's the difference between a glass Jim—What's the difference between @ lemon and a donkey? H. O. KOPP, B. P. C. H., No. 15M Madison Mistrees (to Bxdget, the cook)—What time is it, and what M. W. COREY, 8. P. C. H., No, 298 Anlington avenue, Brook- By Vrocess af Law. ly danghter told me you ktssed her, sir, withow! notice." ell, did she want me to serve a subpoena on her?" LANGER, 8. P. C. H., No. 634 East Eighty-third going to start?" When & boy goes Into a hardware store for 10 cents’ worth of long, thin, sharp tacks, what does he want them for? For From Brooklyn, This. THE » EVENING w WORLD'S 2 HOME . MAGAZINE Long Island,” said one of the speakers, Mr. H. B. Fuller-| 6¢90934-060000108060064 4089 644460090000 006000004096-000009600080099 5008 THE GRIN THAT'S THERE, TO STAY. <-- ip stage pesut SESS HIIIOS e cannon cracker? nged and movable 4 at midnight by a ? indulgent to this 4 pal ordinances { ESPECIALLY AFTER HE'D LOST. © She—Is {t true that) ‘He --Not exactly. method. Some old PGSSHTEIS-3-995-% Jokes’ Home, and and surgical skill, OS2 find, Some may be RACES DONT WIN THE CUR Hise ie ls, rh ee Ml WALLS OF IRMORBO STEEL COOORS of beer and a glass DP9CBSD 99-92 for lemons, 242040900000-00 _ g oO —ay) ml (.) i! =: sie b as = Ain oe ® KF J @ 3 ¢ PLAY CAGES 3 ARE PROPOSED $ FOR APART- 3 MENT HOUSE é CHILDREN. the country: “'This| 2 eign for two hours Third avenue, man end a@ sailor? ea. Both have got to it can't chew. @mitting painful moans that were as stilettoes in the JAMES SHURLDW, Blizabethport, N. J. Bearts of his hearers. Tommie had pneumonia and that —_ Geath was hovering over the little dear was only too OMcer Streck's Capture, MORE MONE WHAT 4 FUNNY itjaoket as soon as In this ante-EKaster season, there'’s-no good, sufficient reason , So here are just a nestful of the newest, most unrestful, S90e Light had returned to the work there were heartfen WHEN ARBITRATION PAYS. Joims—Yes, if the customs oMcer ts willing, ater he finds what you have tried to smuggle in.—Chelsea (Mass. '8 CHARMS, Gasette, “I took great pains with that pudding | husband as he poured out a double dose Gotrox’s daughter?” there are the oysters and| “No; he made the horrible mistake of anking Gotrox if he had ever followed the hounds,” “What was wrong with that?" "Gotrox was a dog catoher before he made hia pile.”—Chicago News, WHAT IT WAS. BUTTERFLY TRICK. CONUNDRUM. ‘Why is @ bonnet with @ faded ribbon lke a lamp Ourning dimly? It wants trimming. ‘Why !s a dook Uke @ king? He has many pages. ‘Why are two giggling girls like a ‘Two butterfiles cut out of tissue paper n (as {f alive, set in motion by a ts They lent on the fan, play in the air, descend on a flower—in short, imitate real butterflies to perfection. help of a diminutive plece of wi this hair to another which ts fastened to your head, likewise with wax (as shown In illustration), Throw whe but- terfiles in the air with the left hand and move your fan underneath them to keep them in the air, It 1s amusing to have @ bunoh of artifictal flowers on | which the butterfies can alight, only to fly away. ro SEVEN AT ONE CUT, Cut @ piece of paper, bread or tarnip What is that which has never been fet, never seen nor heard, never existed and etill has @ name? Nothing. Why ts a clock the most modest piece of furniture? Recause it covers its face with its hands and runs down ite own works, A farmer dad 2% (20 sick) sheep and L died, how many did he have left? Nino- tecn sheep. Why is a farmer @uiding @ plow itke 4 steamship in midocean? Because one GROVER DENIES \ iN THE POCKET$ LOOKING GUN LE” OFTHE TOBACCO TRUST? ON THE EVENING WORLD PEDESTAL. Why Uncle 6am can't have same eggs wherewith to celebrate; 2 Al) that is needed to make such butter- ohfoker files is colored Ussue paper and @ pair thought ame anne MAPA RP Of scissors, Fold the paper and cut Why te a schoolmaster whipping a boy the shapes of the butterfle shown for telling @ falsehood ke Apollo? He| Monday. In the circle of our dMuatratio strikes the Mar (lyre) ; the butterfies to a long hair with yore Why te tubing snuff tke a ragged ria-| OF Whay day April 25, 1881, fall? ing dress? 1t de a bed habit | LBL hy PROD HO9$44O4HHOH9H69HFHHHHHHHHHFHOHHHHHOHHHHHE DHHOGOHHOD THE EASTER RABBIT. And Why He Is Connected With That Festival. HESE are some of the reasons why the rabbit is one I of the symbols of Easter: i According to Indian mythology, the Moon once looked down upon the earta and saw that the people sor- rowed and that they lived without hope. So In the early spring the Moon called to him his sere vant, the Rabbit, and said: “Ge to the Karth and tell the people thet» that even as £ ; rise again after I scem to have died so shall they also rise again after death.‘ : Now, this was a decidedly athelstic, materialistic bunny, for, going to the Earth, he cried aloud ‘Thus saith our lord the Moon: shall ye die and be scen no more.'" The Moon punished this prehistoric utterance of Higher Criticism by smiting off the pessimistic little beast's tafl And Bunny goes tallless unto this day as punishment. From the foregoing story arises Bunny's association with spring and with the Resurrection—or Easter. e Another myth tells how Buddha walked starving in the desert. A rabbit (presumably a more altruistic one than the Moon's servant), seeing the god's plight, hopped up to him, crying: “Eat me, oh Buddha!” Through gratitude for such piety the hungry god, insteaa® of merging Bunny, set him aloft in the spring moon, where he still sits pounding the leaves of life in a golten mortar, as any one with good eyesight and better imagination may observe by looking carefully at the Easter moon, THE PATENTS OF WILLIAM PEASELY. OZEMAN, Mont.-Yesterday.—I had another interview: with William Peasely, known here as “Bill,” the fa- mnus discoverer of the Yellowstone Park Corned Beef Mine. Mr. Peasely is naturally elated at his wonderful dis- @ | covery, ond being “‘corned,’’ as it were, and in good spirits, © | gave the following account of his celebrated arboreal irrige- & | von pian: i “Irrigation 1s what makes life worth’ the living in the Weak Even as I dle, oo RUMORS OF 4 WESTERN PLEASE DO WOT ANNOY OR FEED THE » CHIL OREN’ Without Irrigation things would be very dry indeed. But dt ts a costly process to dam rivers in the mountains; nelther it ts a pleasant thing to do even in the most cursory manner, Afier you have dammed the rivers you have to bulld a costly 4 ditching system. My arboreal system of irrigation was not @ chance discovery ke my corned beef mine. I figured it out, taking advantage of nature's own resources, Instead @f building a costly system of dams and ditches, my plan Is to plant weeping willows in dry districts, Then I ‘have a ditch system to catch the tears from the weeping willows and carry off the plenteous moisture to the arid lands near by, The weeping willow 1s the cheapest kind of an irrigation plaat ? INV pa AT A ! Ai ingle is and will make tha desert blossom like the rose. I am @ crank on ifrigation. Will you irrigate with me?” Your correspondent could not well refuse. Mr. William Peasely, known here as “Bill,” 4s an enthusiastic irrigator, and yet claims ‘his system takes very little water. He already raised a great deal of rye, ROY L, M'CARDBLL, Special Commissioner, LETTERS, QUESTIONS, ANSWERS. The Viscaya Visit, To the the Editor of The Wrening World: ! Did the Spanish battle-ship Viscaya enter New York harbor during the Span- ish-American war? JOHN DUNN, No, The Vizcaya entered New York harbor a few weeks before war was de- clared, To the the Editor of The Svening World: Yeu, Several, To the (he Editor of The vening World: Was there ever a championship battle fought at Coney Island? M.A. B, 176 Kast Gixty-Eighth Ste To the the Eaitor of The Evening World: Where is the Founding Asylum in New York City? ‘Mus. W. L. Thirsty Dogs. To the the Editor of The dvening World: Ida Talbot complains about thirsty dogs having no place to drink in New into a wicket or horseshoe shape, di- Tommy—Pop, whet was the mys- ious Writing on the wall that Nebu- foutly to be wished by the ° vide it in half horigontally. Lay the two halves aide by ‘side and at one are equally sees the plow and the other plows the wea. Where that omen stroke cut them quite across, says the neti? “ta eae eh Pulladelpbia North American, in this ou ae | York. I would say the authontics would do better to Lah gfe pd bungry and thirty children oly, piceaelty if eau heaped pK 8)