The evening world. Newspaper, April 8, 1903, Page 12

Publishes by the Press Publishing Company, No. 53 to @ Park Row, New York, Entered at the Post-Omce at New York as Second-Class Mail Matter. VOLUME 48 tssaeeeeeeeesseesNO. 1B, 208, ig SHIP-TRUST METHODS. _ "The Southwark with its prectous cargo 1s safe in port. f ‘The general fooling of thankfulness 1s tempered by re- © @evtions on the conditions that made the protracted a Necessary. ‘When the St. Louis arrived last January seven days Overdue her passengers were loud in their “condemna- tion of the recklessness of management that would send Buch a crippled vessel loaded with human freight to » @ontend with the storm and peri! of an Atlantic winter.” _ Now we have the passengers of the Southwark, after ~@ Voyage of nearly double length, complaining that this vessel also “was put to sea in an unfit condition.” It is “@ileged that “instead of trying to cross the Atlantic she Should have been laid up for extensive repairs, including new set of engines,” With the St. Louis it was leaky boilers; with the Southwark engines that broke down in the face of head | Winds. In each case there is an allegation of unsea- ‘worthiness. In each case also the prolonged voyage 5 ade it necessary to cut down the allowance of food; »* the Southwark's steerage passengers toward the end of p> the trip were limited to cerrots and baked potatoes, The St. Louis's coal bunkers were reduced to a one-day's Nallowance of fuel. The Southwark more fortunately ould have held out for some days longer. “No doubt, as occurred with the St. Louis, the passen- ‘Bers will file protests and perhaps Institute sujts for © damages, but it is not easy to see how this course will finitely advantage them. In the days of competition, pefore the formation of the Ship Trust, complaints car- ried a weight that is now not attached to them, -The @isgusted passenger may change his boat, but not his " eompany. The point of significant interest to the general public ‘4s that this poor transatlantic service 1s rendered at a } time when the trust has been in control long enough to have put its methods into full operation, It will be re- ‘membered that Mr. Schwab at the time of the Morgan Merger made certain enthusiastic promises of improve- ' ment. These promises seem to have been redeemed in “nyerae ratio to their desirability, whereby the passenger 48 given fewer fast boats and a more economical service, ‘while the shipper has had his rates advanced and his freight bills increased. RATHSKELLER MATRIMONY. Reata Winfield's suit for divorce from the actor- ‘manager, Lionel Lawrence, throws an interesting light, "an illuminating radiance as it were, on Rialto matri- monial methods, A 4 Tt appears that Miss Winfield, “a vivacious little ’ actress,” was one of a party in a rathskeller after the one night in August, 1901. It was a lively company, which good cheer abounded, and along toward the ‘mall hours, to wit: at 2 A. M., “one of the party sug- gested that it would be a good thing for ‘Larry’ and ~~ Reate to get married.” _ The action passes rapidly in the modern drama, and - BO, consistent with stage traditions, within an hour the “couple were wed. The rays of the rising sun, as the ing abatement. But just how the New York Board of Health and the District-Attorney are to abate them, as urged by the association, is not clear. The sovereign State of New Jersey is obstinately jealous of her sov- ereignty in these matters. ‘Thess are most objectionable nuisances, fully deserv- Disgraceful Street Conditions.—The complaint of the West End Aekbciation that the condition of the streets of Manhattan “was never worse’ is well founded. Their condition has long been a disgrace, and one not exoused hy putting the blame on the subway. The improvement promised by Commissioner Livingston for May 1 seems discouragingly remote, THE OkD JOKES’ HOME ATTENTION! Y about ‘wetting into good society!” If you want to get into a GOOD soctety join the Soclety for the Preven- tlon of Cruelty to Giu- mor. The process is simple: Send a two-cent stamp to Prof. Josh M. A, Long, The Old Jokes’ Tome, Evening World, and recelve badge. The third, and positive-' ly the last, supply is be- ing rapidly exhausted. If you want one of these handsome 8. P. C. H. badges, in four colors, bearing a repre- sentation of the Busy Blue Ambulance, Joe-Miller, the fa- mous oid chestnut, the only horse with a hyphen, and vigi- lant and effective OMcer Jerry Sullivan driving. Bend in a two-cent stamp. Rounded Up Yesterday by 8. P. C. H. Badge Wearers, Prof, Joan M. A. Long Pleas nd the Rusy Blue Ambulance at once for the Joke that, while not so old, has overworked ttself—W. T. Jerome, Put in straiijacket and padded cell. GRUBE ABER. OU hear a great deal From Connecticut. Prot Josh M. A. Long I caplured a few jokes floating by on a raft and eend them neatly packed in @alt hay to the hospital. Why Js Asta like a market In Chrisumas week? Because there is always a Turkey in It. What is the difference between an engineer and @ school- master? One minds the train and the other trains the mind. Why are E and I the happiest letters In the vowelat Because they are in happiness, while the othera are in purgatory. Why Is @ then supposed to be immortal? Beoause her sun (son) never ets, What does an artist ke to draw best? His salary, LOUIS NORTHROP, Glenbrook. Conn, Asks for Shelter, Prot. Jogh M.A, Long ‘Take pity on these @ray hatrs: If the Hudson River {s a mile wide, and a Broadway policeman ts 6 feet 2 inches tall, why did Mary atick her hat- pin in the sailor? Because it matters not what his name may de, nor where she came from, ihe 1s still her mother. 1 saw a@ man, digging a ditch, with a Roman nose. Which has most legs, a cow or no cow? No cow has eight legs. OFFICER No, 33115, For the Foolish Department. Prof. Josh M.A, Long Kindly rock these to sleep: If it takes @ fly (1) month to travel through a barrel of molasses, how long would it take an elephant to climb Jamp-post backwards? "reporter has it, illumined the way of the newly married P's to their hotel. Later in the day they went on a i ee oon trip to the racetrack. e craft of matri- 4 vy is rarely launched more expeditiously. _ * But with Tenderloin love ties it is lightly come, “Nghtly go, and now Reata is in the divorce court to get © jidicial release trom bonds that were severed unofficially } few months after their contracting. ‘Something might be sald of the capacity as a marry- ~. ing man of the bridegroom, who Is debited with several Wives. As an example in progressive matrimony his career is interesting. _ But enough for the present purposes is a momentary moralizing on this easy assumption and easy loosing of Marriage obligations. To marry on the spur of the moment in the exaltation wine-cup sentiment and to seek the divorce court as i ae physical attraction has spent its force is to make ‘Of the tenderest of all ties a disreputable farce. GAS PLANTS FOR PARKS. The passing of the gas plants from crowded tenement to Long Island is in itself a great gain for the » removing as it does a constant source of pollution the atmosphere. If, as The World suggests, the sites ‘thus rendered vacant can be transformed into parke the gain will be immeasurably greater, _ Am ageregate area of twenty-five city blocks will be @railable for nine parks having an area of from one to six. It will thus be perfectly feasible to provide populated districts with something vastly better the way of breathing spots than grassless triangles @™isnamed parks. There is the land and the opportunity fer parks of Union Square proportions, _ How great a boon they would be to a tenement-houe * population in midsummer it is unnecessary to point out, ‘They will not be cheap, but they will certainly be much Tees dear than the smal! areas provided by condemnation " involving destruction of buildings, " ‘The proposal is an excellent one, deserving immediate » tadorsement by the city authorities, ant i THE SUBWAY ARMY. When underground rapid transit is in full operation positions will be found for nearly 6,000 men. In a 4n which the supply of labor is usually in excess of ‘demand ‘this ample provision of new places by a sin- company ie of particular interest, ‘Tt tp of genera! interest as illustrating the law In ac- ce with which there is always room for new com- ‘The ranks of a trade or profession, apparently full, “always expanding, The markets that seem glutted h products enlarge to absorb more, There appears to ho possibility of over-production, ly if Malthus were alive to take note of the @@ teeming millions and to estimate where a living ; all was to come from he would raise a second a of glarm. ‘But the new job is found waiting for '., WW applicant. The ex-bicycle employee makes au- the old piano workman manufactures type- turns up, and if the old business @ new invention comes along to provide an We Answer: No matter how thick @ pane of glass is you can always break it with a sledge hammer. Why 18 Omega ofl Itke money? Because all the geese are after It. NATHAN GOLDSTEIN, 43 Atlantic ave., Brooklyn, A mother sent her boy to the butcher shop one day to see if the butcher had any pigs’ feet. The boy came back and sald; No, mainma, I don't know; the butcher had his shoes on, BLMER WOODBURY, Brought in from Brooklyn, by the Jersey river-front factories, and It has also | 4660090000660) determined to put an end to the loud blasting In the Pall- eaten, PBODDGOTOOSGE POS GODODODHOOSOSOOGHIGS IOP $$O959OSD GHEGHIOOGIGS 1e e BILL, IB: COLL ECTOR OF BILLS, FAILS TO COLLECT. WHEN THE STOCK EXCHANGE ENTERS ITS NEW HOME. AT THE CLOSE OF'THE FIRST DAY © IN THE OFFICE OF“OLOTIMER & CO" A HARLEM FLAT TRAGEDY. | The True Tale of a Man Who Fell Victim to Hie Own Hospitality. HI6 ts a simple tale of New York life. ‘You will not @nd mention of it in police court annals. And yet it ts a tragedy. He is @ man—the victim—a newspaper man. Barton they call him. He és newly married. He lives in a Harlem fia*. He {s hospttable. He loves to see his fellows eat, drink and be merry, especially @ bachelor friend. But Saturday olght is a doubtful hour to have e party in i. New York. People do things on Saturday night. (hey fall by the wayside. They hit a third rail. 3 And it wae Sat ty night that Barton arranged to have his party, @ police court judge, an electrical engineer, a law- yer and elx newspaper men. “Little womah,” said Barton to his wife, ‘some of these boys come from far-off ‘Frisco and Denver. They have no home life. To spend an evening here in our cozy flat, with something to eat and drink and perhaps a little poker will fill their tired souls with joy. Can you errange to spend the might with your aister !n Brooklyn?” Mrs. Barton could and did. and the eventful hour aretve4. Picture the host now surrounded by cases of beer, bottles of wine, stacks of cheese, bales of craoke: ind reams of salad. Even a case of dished Curry. Softly to himself he laughed, “How they wilt devour this," said he, and again chuckled @toatingly. “Eight o'clock, Afr. Banton,” said the maid, breaking upon the glorious scene. ever mind,” laughed the host, “boys a little late, s'alrig! ‘they'll be along." He helped himself to two cocktalls and smoked a pack of olgarettes. At 10 o'clock the cooktafis hed all vanished, tthe beer was fleeting and one wine bottle stood empty. “Eleven o'clock,’ sung out the maid, gulping e smile, “Z’m going home."’ “Home?” jeered the host, weakly tottering ¢o the wi- dow, a funny leer on his face, ‘home was never Uke this. “Rabbit,” he muttered crazily, “have welch rabbit, boys, bes’ rabbit ever saw. S'made it myself. &home rubbit, boys, He! he!” Three hours later a lone figyre listed Giwn the Great White Way about Thirtieth street. One hand clasped the poker chips, some welch eabbit drooped lasily from a but- ton-hole. “Gee! He must a been havin’a good time,” commented one night hawt to another as they followed along in the crooked wake. “Good time? Good ttme? Oh yes, awful good time!” cried the wanflerer, throwing his arms edout a friendly polive- man, ‘Bes’ time ever had 'n my life, Have ewelch rabbit, boys, eat all y’ want. Made it myself. Good T-i-m-e!”. THE NEW RUBBER PLANTS. A Brooklyn Idyl. a ‘The Rev. Cortiend Meyers, of the Baptist Temple, tm 2 ser mon Geolared that the crooks were rapidly forseking Mfanhattan fer ‘Brooklyn and binted that the Brooklyn police are efther blind or criminal tm atlowing such unwelcome immigration.—News Item. i A snowstorm ewept one day last week Through Brooklyn's rural streets, And froze the gutta-percha plants In. pastoral retreats, IF THE RULES WERE TOBE SUSPENDED FOR THE DAY. Unto the Temple people flocked To mourn their rubber trees, PSH RGR MITAT Lere ‘The Reverend Cortlund spake tn wonts ‘Please confine these old fellows in your home That meant the same as these: What comes after ohvese?—Mice, - What soap Is the hardest? Cast-steel (Castile). Ah, we must mourn our rubber plants, When is @ sailor not a sailor? When he's a-boant. That graced each Brooklyn flat; I am the champion cornet player of America, 1 entered Pao etusteh eertaan — @ contest once and played Annie Laurie” for three weeks, Laas arniesa paae! Pi aU GRY For we have got the rubber-neck, | No. M : ta! ¥ Ba My opponent played Sousa's “Stars and Stripes For- And the gambler’s rubber card, CHARLAS J, LEIBMAN, ‘The ruber boots of the burglar boM 4 IAN, 47 Kosciusko street, Brooklyn, And the gambler’s rubber pard— , Aske Incarceration, . \ : Prof. Josh M. A. Long: N rT S'our dear police. And they, we fear, ¢ Please have your officer lock these up for disorderly con- ONE 'G HE AIR BRAKES. FrO-Ptorta ‘Can't cope with these ex-lles, é duct. Who have this motto of thelr own: Wheat is the greatest backbiter? Soon the brokers will be swarming to the Stock Exchange house-warming, “A miss 1s as good as Miles!” ; A flea 3 And bulls and bears alike will gayly gambo! on the green STEPHEN CHALMER, Why do we buy shoes? : | With their stock all nicely watered (save the portion that is slaughtered), f - Because we can't get them for nothing And a bunch of lambs will add a sylvan aspect to the scene. : ANDE >| ON THE EVENING WOR be SOUN ANDERSON, FHUTFOOD OHS PHOGLLEHT-HIOHOHOS464OOLOHHH0HO90 00000000000 ON THE EVENING WORLD PEDESTAL, ! Some of the Best Jokes of the Day. FROM EXPERIENCE, “Halton, this paper says if spots ap- pear before your eyes it will give you a headach “Yes, they gave me a headache last night.”” “What kind of spots were they?" “Beven spots, and the other man held Se HOME FUN FOR THE YOUNG FOLKS. HOW TO MAKE A RQLL’S COUCH. LETTERS, ; ) QUESTIONS, oh ag ANSWERS. r July 30, To the Editor of The Evening World: Kindly inform me the date of the last Saturday in July, 1887, MARY CHUHEARST. Ne Championships. To the Editor of The Evening World; CONUNDRUMS. Why are hot rolls like caterpillars? se they make the butter fly, When ts a man thinner than a lath? When he ts a-shaving When will there be but twenty-five letters in the aiphadet? When U and I Yare one. Though T dance at a ball, yet I'm Hie a nothing at all, A shadow, When John L, Sullivan was in his none,"'=Chicago News. What 1s the greatest athletic feat? | prime was he champton of the world or 2 KEEPING LENT, FIG.a FIGS Wheeling West Virginia, Aonly of America? Is James J, Jeffries ‘The One Man—What is your wife glv- FIG.L i. How does a sculptor end his days? | champion of the world or America, tng up during dant? He makes facow and buste. Ciiftaide, N, J. | J. OLNOWICH. The Other Man (who bas married a Cut out a piece of cardboard the same shape as figure !, which will form the | How does a »arver end his Gays? He} Sullivan wes champion of America rich oll woman)—Not cont more than usual.—New Orleans Times-Democrat. THE WHOLE THING, Coakley—Did you ever notice that the average poet in describing a winter landscape always @peaks of its ‘mantle of snow?" Joukley—Naturally. The mantic of snow ts the land's cape.—Philadelphia Press. to form the end. “WHO CAN seat and legs when bent into shape where the dots are placed Piece the same shape as Agure 2 for the back, and lastly a plece like figure three When you have cut out all three pleces and bent the seat into shape, sew tho back on neatly, beginning to the left end of the seat; join the two together and the couch is made. The game "Who Can He Be?’ curls up and dyes (dies). Wifut is that which wa.ks with it head downward? nail in a shoe, On which side of the church is the yew {ree planted? On the outside, What will a leaden bullet become in wat Wet. Why are the hours from 1 to 12 ki good sentries? Becau&e they are always only. Jeffries is champion of the world. Concerning Superstition. ‘To the @Aitor of The Svening World: A reader asks if « is unlucky to break & looking-giass. Let this reeder under- stand that there fe no such thing as tuck, and remember that to believe in superstition te to doubt the goodness and justice of God. Next cut out @ t the top left-hand side, and then sew the end piece te HE BE?” sured him that he did not fear the re- sult, and bogged him to make the trial, He ylelded to his persuasions, took aim, fe in- ————— yar drew shis bo! te with: | 08 the wateh . JORSHY CLURGYMAN, plructive, and siso.helne to retresh the | COMA tna hte In hee’ | Why are writers like chickens? They Hy, Oni the oamty neleots 8) Vn out Ham have co scratch for « living, Teele Dispee! A BONG. historical personage without naming yer, who Inasantly t ‘be subject to] To the Editor of The Byening Worl : ' SONG, him and oan anecdote or any.| other description of a hero or heroine, Which of the stars would be subject to s , Last night you sang to me. To me, whose aching heart Drank in the melody Of sound right eagerly, And ceased to smart, thing that 1 Afloat upon your song Above my prostrate grief, You carried me along, And Hope arose, grown strong, And brought relief. freedom. He re: lan Governor’ And tn my heart to-day O08 pol An echo of your voice ats Interesting about him, and names the country in which he lived, The player who guesses the name haying previously the privilege of ask- ing one question—gives a description of another character, and @09 the game progresses. Here in an example; “There was a celebrated Swiss, a mous archer, a champion of liberty, who was the first ¢o strik ‘Will readers please tell me their opine fons of the disposition of gira named Irene and Muy? LL Cannet Vote Without Papers. ‘To the Béitor af The Breaing World: Tf @ young man is bora In Germany of German parents, but who hes lived in America for the past twelve years, must before a mares eran a Wants to Grow, To the Eaijor of The Svening World Please tell me @ method that Shooting stars. The middle of the game laws? What fe a waint of time? the hour-sless. I¢ Neptune lost hte dominions what would he say? I have not # notion (f have not an ocean). What is that which t# lengthened by being cut at both ends? A ditch, When Is @ small beer not small beer? When it is a little tart, Why are feet like olden tales? He- cause they are leg ends (lewenda), ‘When When are you mot yourself? you are @ little pale (pall). Why ie « baker like a beggar? “Be: SO — CAN YOU DO IT? blow for the Aus- ny to bow tt Oh, children! Gase upon Jerome ‘Who caps our Fedest-a}; | Whom Gruber calls a Holy show; aif Bpeech-Man who pitched inte Lamy