The Seattle Star Newspaper, August 7, 1916, Page 4

OF SCRIPTS NORTHW [THE SEATTLE STAR Ket LEAGUN OF NkWsrArnRs ‘Telcaraph News Service ef the United Press Association Entered at Seattle, Wash. Po By mail, out of elty, 35c per month | By rr hi wi ty ott Second-Class Matter, pto Bho Duty on Dye workings of “protective” t _ The theory of the bill is iy. istry. Let us remember t sand times greater than th Be Suppose the duty on dye stuffs equals one gt on enough) pass thru Mount Mark—not inc Or to dye a yard of cloth. The American textile manufac-|{98 the expresses, which rush will have to pay the extra cent and will add it to his ore arent ba _— a bop . scor a histle ‘0 16 «sleep: be—pass it on to the consumer. He can buy German} town, and in return for this indig-| and American dyes at the same price, only in one case/nity, Mount Mark cherishes a most | custom house gets the extra cent and in the other the)" a antipathy toward those . Melton iiin i ed me nigh on fliers lean dye manufacturer gets it. In either case, the user st ie “pelmesmers"~eh, Git the cloth ultimately pays. trade if he sells half the product oR ” of dyes, he cannot compe 2 to American users the dye in the cloth they 4 : of ese invisible taxes—10 pe p the government and the ba Fivileged few. This hurts farmer, worker where help is least needed. ON’T be an “all work and ie ball park or a jaunt to the Mf” Saturday afternoon. some of her peace and feel fit for the next _ AT THE BALL GAME YOU ERYTHING IN_ THE NGLY AMERICAN! Two hours spent with the off months of age. He and spiritually. You playing with the kids, for who can’t. Get the “vacation a week” 1 ‘TY AND SANITATION i The Star: ‘It seems to of the most important fac- fn the jitney-Seattle Electric , Which the council fs to pass upor, is the matter h, as well as service and dirty and crowded condition Seattle electric cars from standpoint of throat and lung ro is a menace that our pub ns should be alive to carry out a siarp enforcement ordinance provisions in that ction. Tne raunicipal cars, with floors and antiseptic dress- are a decided contrast to the ting dust of many of the 8 “cars, a bad business policy, ft to me, as well a public ‘The matter of safety 1s mani- in favor of the street car as the jitney, but many would | to take Jitney sanit» to the S. EF. rafety. Jitney is also filling an im place in relieving strap- during the crowded hours. should be regulated, but not “DR. 0. A. PALMER, 1001 Green Bidg. the foreign markets, there is the usual way of escape He can ask congress for an extra two cents of on cloth on the ground that because of the high This being secured, he can again raise the price cents a yard, and, having recouped B the dye-tax, he can—and will—sell his cloth in foreign mar- et $ for two cents a yard less than at home. will pay the duty on the dye in the cloth they use and y “Vacation” a Week Take a tramp into the woods, a horseback ride roads, a swim in the creek, pond or lake, a trip to)" Where ts your baggage?” he asked. | there Letters to the Editor HE proposed tariff on dyestuffs is a fine example of the ariffs that it will protect American hat textile industry is he dye industry ever can be our of his mills at home and half te with foreign weavers. of his So the American jo not use. This is what has been done for SO years, but the dye standing alone, makes an easily understandable ex- > The lesson is that we people here at home pay all the ff taxes and that a quarter of our livjng expenses is made rt cent of which (or less) go lance into the pockets of the and merchant. It helps, if at wath no play” fellow over children’s playgrounds on that In the woods you will find nature in tune and she will quiet to you. _ Astride a good piece of horseflesh, clattering over country . the cobwebs will be jogged from your brain. - Swimming will exercise every muscle in your body and week's six-day grind. WILL FORGET EXCITEMENT OF THE CHERS. IN “FANDOM” YOU WILL FIND ORIG- TY AND SPONTANIETY THAT ARE R EFRESH- kiddies at the playground will] is not human who could join} en’s games without having a come-back physically, needn't “feel foolish,” either, fr you are making envious the habit and watch the wrinkles ABOUT THE STRIKE Editor The Star: Will you please explain to me why, when the long shoremen will not work, at any price, or under any condition, the employer has not a right to. hire men who will work; and wh# also they should be honsed In a stoc ade, instead of living like ordinar men, or be denied the privilege of spending their evenings in the pur suit of pleasure, alone, or in groups? And tell me why, also, if this is so, the longshoremen are a! ways congregated along Railroad ave. in groups of from ten 10 twenty, while spies and messen gers are continually passing from one group to another” If they will not work, why should they be there at all but to create disturb- ance? Is this our boasted freedom that, because a man belongs to a union he is not obliged to obe either state or federal law, and may kill or destrcy his employer's property as he pleases, knowing well that thero sre judges ready to administer injustice, who will free him, and punish the man already injured? Please repiy thru Star A SUBSCRIBER. stantly Vacation Preparations The Bell telephone will serve your convenience in all the arrangements for your holiday. The telephone reaches all the nooks and corners of vacation land. Through its service you are con- home and business. in touch with “pro-! Next “Into the Primitive” Wee A Novel A Week BY CHAPTER I Introducing Her ONE but the residents con N sider Mount Mark, lowa much of a town, and th who are honest among them admit, altho reluctantly, that Mount Mark can boast of far more patriotism than good judgment! But the very most patriotic of them all has no word of praise for ital which is to be invested in dye-working plants to supply) way station deficit caused by cutting off the supply of dye from Ger- the ugly little red C,, B. & Q. rail Mount Mark ts anything but proud of the little station, At the! }same time, it certainly does owe a Assuming that an infant dye industry should (or could) | the ratiroad a debt of gratitude for Otected, let us see what the effect will be upon our textile | its presence there It rendezvous is the fa vorite social for the community! | Only four passenger trains dally 7 |is a different matter. The arrival » ) But if, on account of high-priced dye, every yard of cloth! of a passenger train in Mount Mark in the United States costs a cent more per yard than}! th made anywhere else in the world, we have handicapped American textile manufacturer in his efforts to secure} en js an event—something In the na ture of a C,, B, & Q, “at home,” and is always attended by a large and siastic gathering. | So it happened that one sultry |morning, late in the month of Aw gust, there was the usual flutter of excitement On the platform A man in a black business euit tood alone, his eyes wandering | from one to another of the strange faces ut His plain white ready-made tle proclaimed his call- ing “It's the new Methodist preach volunteered baggage mas- er ter. They say he's got five kids, and most of ‘em girls.” responded the |} Adams Express man. the Methodist minister, gaz- ing away down the track where a thin curl of smoke announced the coming of Number Nine, and Pru: dence, heard nothing of this con Versation “Train going east!" The minister stood back from the crowd, but when the train came in a brightness leaped Into his eyes that entirely changed the expres- sion of his face. A slender gir! stood in the vestl- bule. When the train stopped she leaped lightly from the steps. “Oh, father And she flung her arms about him joyously | Her father kissed her warmly a hand beld out to relieve her “Here'™ And with a radiant smile she thrust 1 n him a box of candy and a magazine Your suitcase,” he explained patiently. On!” . father, run! Father did run, but Prudence, fleeter-footed, outdistanced him and clambered on board, panting. When she rejoined her father her face was flushed, “Oh, father,” s! snappily, “lent that just “Yes, very like,” he agreed, and he smiled. “Where is your um- brella?* Prudence stopped abruptly. “I don't know,” she said, with a stony face. “I guess I didn't bring it at all.” hed long in her re- lief. that's it, father, I left it at Aunt Grac Fairy’! bring it tomorrow. Isn't it nice that we ean count on Fairy’s remember. ing?” “Yeu, very nice,” he sald, but bis eyes were tender as he looked down at the little figure beside him. ‘And so this is Mount Mark! This is a pretty street, isn't it?” she cried. “Such nice big maples, and such shady, porchy houses. Has the parfonage a porch?” “Yes, a big one on the south, and a tiny one in front, That is the college there. It opens in three weeks, and Fairy can make fresh- men all right, they tell me. I wish ou could go, too, You haven't had our share of anything—any good thing, Prudence Well, | have my share of you, father,” she said comfortingly. We have the house fixed up pretty well, Prudence, but of course you'll have to go over it yourself and arrange {t as you like. But remember this: You are not al- lowed to move the heavy furniture.” “Yes, I'll remember—I think I | will, I'm almost certain to remem ber some things, you know.” I must go to a trustees’ meet Ing at two o'flock, but Mrs. Adams is coming to help you this after | noon. jand very kind parsonage!” She is one of our Ladies, There, that ts the Prudence gazed In silence. Many would not have considered it a beautiful dwelling, but to Prudence it was heavenly. The wide, grassy, shaded lawn greeted one first. Great spreading maples bordered the street, and clustering rosebushes lined the walk leading up to the house. Prudence tripped happily up the little board walk “Two whole stories, and an attic besides! Not to mention the bath room! Oh, father, the night after you wrote there was a bathroom, Constance thanked God for it when she said her prayers. And I couldn't reprove her, for I felt the same way about it myself. “And a furnace, too! And elec- tric ights! Oh, we have waited a Jong time for it, but I'm sure we'll all feel much more religious In a parsonage that has a bathroom and electric Nght! Oh, father!” He had thrown open the door, and Prudence stood upon the threshold of her new home, It was not a fashionable building, by any means. Prudence caught a glimpse of three rooms furnished, rather scantily, in the old familiar furnt- ture that had been in that other parsonage where Prudence was born, nineteen years before. Together she and her father went from room to room, upstairs and down, moving a table to the left, a bed to the right. Afterward they had a cozy luncheon for two In the “dining-room.” “Oh, it is so elegant to have a dining-room,” breathed Prudence happily. “Is that the school over there?” “Yes, that's where Connie will go. Thore is only one high school in Mount Mark, so the twins will ROBERT AMES BENNETT Tannin erin: STAR-—-MONDAY, AUG. 7, « Iiiititiiisttitisseittt esse ets eesette eee ee ee 3332: ‘Prudence ofthe Parsonage 1916. PAGE 4 DO YOU ReM=EMesR How You USED To BULLY ME WHEN You WERE ON THE POLICE e } HOWDY, CHIEF — You KNOW 1 RESIGNED TRE |] to Ger Back on THe | FORCE AGAIN, | town.” “Oh, that there, father looking from the living-room win-| dows toward the south. Isn't it beautiful? | Yes. The Avery family lives all—elderiy—and all ors. | ready, and I must go at once, Mre | Adams will be here In a few min utes, and you will not be lonely.” But when Mrs. Adams arrived at the parsonage, she knocked in vain Finally she went {nto the back yard She peered into the woodshed, and saw no one. She went into the barnlot, and found it empty, In despair, she plunged into the barn— and stopped abruptly. In a shadowy corner was a slender figure kneeling beside an overturned nail keg. Evidently this w Prudence engaged in prayer—and in the barn, of all pla in the world! —a-—hem!” stammered Mrs. Adams inquiringly a lovely place over! The parents are very old! and feeble, and the daughters are! school-teach: | sympathetically “Amen!” This was spoken aloud and hurriedly, and Prudence leaped to her feet She ran forward eagerly, thrust. ing forth a slim and grimy hand. “You are Mra. Adams, aren't you? | am Prudence Starr. It is so kind of you to come the very first day,” she cried. “Ye—yes, I am Mrs. Adams.” Mra. Adams was embarrassed: In terrogation was written all over her ample face, and Prudence promptly read it and hastened to reply, “I do not generally ray my pray ers In the barn, Mrs. Adams, I as- cure you. But—well, when I found this grand, old, rambling barn, I was so thankful I couldn't resist praying about it.” “But a barn!” ejaculated the per- plex member.” “Do you call that a blessing?” “Yous, indeed I do,” declared Pru dence. Then she explained pa- tiently: “Oh, it is on the children's account, you know. They have al | ways longed for a big romantic barn to play in. That's why | couldn't resist saying my prayers— I wag so happy I couldn't hold in.’"| As they walked toward the house Mrs. Adams looked at thie parson You need never worry about results in baking if you use KC BAKING POWDER It has been a stand- by for a quarter of a century. Guaran- teed under all pure food laws. 25 25° Ounces for OTHER DAY, BUT I'D Like age girl in dismay. Prudence was nineteen from al! exclaimed Pradence, | account, but she looked like a child. Yet this girl had full charge of four younger children, and was further burdened with the entire care of a ministerfather! Well, well! Mrs. Adame sighed a little. “You are tired,” said Prudence “Lat's sit on the “This is a fine chance for us to get acquainted,” said the good woman with eagerness, “I want to know all about every one of you Tell ma everything.” “There isn't much to tell,” said Prudence, smiling. “There are five of us; I am the oldest, I am nine teen, Then comes Fairy, then the twins, and then the baby.” “Are the twins boys, or a boy and a girl?” “Neither,” are both girl “More girlie “And the baby “She is a girl, dence laughed “Prudence is a very nice name for a minister's daughter,” said Mrs. Adams mnggestively. “ for some ministers’ daugh- sald Prudence, “they sped Mrs. Adams. too.” And Pru. ters, sadly unsuitable for me. You see, father and mother were very en- thustastic about the first baby who hadn't arrived, They had two names all picked out months aheat—Prudence and John Wesley That's how I happened to be Pru dence. “1 was only three years old when Fairy was born, but already they realized that they had made a mis take. So they decided to christen baby number two more appropri ately. They chose Frank and Fairy both lighthearted, happy, cheerful names. It's Fairy Prudence smiled reflectively “But things went badly again Fairy is Prudence by nature, and Tam Fairy. Sho fs tall and a little inclined to be fat. She is reliable and clever, “She can do anything, and do tt right, and is going to be a college professor. It is a sad thing to think of a college professor being called Pairy all her life, isn't it? “Father and mother were the next would be a boy sure So they chose a good old Methodist name Charles—and—it was twin girls! It was quite a blow, | gues But REAL PAINLESS DENTISTS In order to tntroduce our mew (whalebone) plate, which is the Ughtest and strongest plate known, @oes not cover the roof of the mouth; you can bite corn off the cob; guaranteed 15 years. Gold crown ........-..+.. $15 set of teeth (whalebone) $8.00 $10 net of teeth . + 85.00 Bridge work, per tooth, gold $3.00 White crowns seeees $3.00 Gold fillings .... $1.00 up Bilver fillings ++ 600 Platina fillings ...............75¢ All work guaranteed for 15 years. ve impression taken in the morn- and get tooth same day. Kxam~ ination and advice free. Call and See Sa of Our Piste and Bridge W We Stand the it ef Time. Most of our present patron: is recommended. by our early custom. ers, whose work te sttll giving good satisfaction. Ask our customers who hi ested our work When coming to our off! are in the tight place. with you. OHIO ms. ©, be # you Bring this ad have to go to the other side Of qu Craeslis FreserFatereen Gn, SEB OO Ry Be Wer PR Rtg Moh ba eeeeeeddibes they rallied swiftly, a Carol and Lark “Carol can carry a tune if there's a strong voice beside her, but Lark can hardly tell the differenc tween ‘Star Spangled Banner’ and ‘Rock of Ages.’ “The neighbors were kind of amused by them, and mother was very sensitive about it Bo the next time she determined to get ahe of Fate. ‘No more nonsense no said mother, ‘It's almost cer | tain to be a boy, and we'll call him | William after father—and Billy for | short’—and then they changed it tn a hurry to Constance “After that, father and mother | gave the whole thing up as a bad job. Connie settled the baby bust | ness in our family.” Mrs, Adama wiped her eyes, and leaned weakly back in her chatr, gasping for breath, “Well, 1 swan!” Wag all she could say at the moment “Connie is only nine,” Prudence continued. “Fairy is sixteen, and the twins are thirteen. They are a very clever lot of girls, Fairy, as !1 told you, aims to be a college professor, Lark is going to be an author. Carol {s pretty, and lovable, but not deep. She ts going to be a Red Cross nurse and go to war, The my have ft all planned out. Carol if going to war as a Red Cross nurse, and Lark ts going, too, so she can write a book about it, and they are both going to marry soldiers—preferably dashing young | generals! “Connie is a sober, odd, sensitive |Httle thing, and hasn't decided whether she wants to be a foreign | missionary, or get married and have ten children. But they are all clever, and I'm proud of every one of them.” “And what are you going to be inquired Mra. Adams, looking with real affection at the bright, sweet face. But Prudence laughed. “Oh, dear me, Mrs. Adams, seems to me ff I just get the others raised up proper ly, "1 have my bands full.” seems to me. said Mrs. Adams, “that I know more about your sisters thant do about you.” “That's so,” anid Prudence, nod jding. “But they are the ones that | really count, you know. I'm just common little Prudence of the | Parsonage—but the others!” And | Prudence flung out ber hands dra- matically. CHAPTER IL The Rest of the Family It was Saturday morning when |the four young girls arrived in | Mount Mark and the gray old ugly | parsonage was full to overflowing Dear me, it is two o'clock al-| porch until you are nicely rested.”| with satisfaction and happiness. | The Starrs had never had an ap |polntment like this before. They had just come from the village of Exminster, of five hundred inhabi tants There the Reverend Mr. | Starr had filled the pulpits of three small Methodist churches, scattered Q.—i am a country girl of 17 and a graduate of high school. | wish you would advise me about getting work In your city. AMY. A—Be very certain, before you leave home, that you are not need ed more there than in the city I know how the city appeals to an in- experienced girl from the country It looms like a great golden: ball, filled to overflowing with the most delectable of Life's nectar. From a little distance tt seems to beckon you; and you feel eure that it is big and kind, and that it will wel- come you into the heart of its warmth; that {t will shelter and protect you. But it is very deceiv- ing, is the elty. The mirage in the desert is not more deluding. If you have wealth, or influence, or friends, or experience, the bright lights of the city MAY spell happi- ness for you. If you are tnexpert enced and alone, they spell untold desolation, disappointment The only Way you can penetrate the heart of the golden ball is to spend long days at hard work, lonely evenings in a dingy room, where you must endeavor to learn the things that will launch you out on a successful career in the city You are very young, Amy, to seek your fortune in a strange | place, and unless you have an in. |domitable will and the courage of your convictions, you should not think of attempting it—that is, un- less you have relatives or tried friends with whom you may board When seeking work, do not fall to place yoursel under the guidance of a friend or some well-known so: clety. Q.—1 have completed grammar) school and business college, But | do not converse well and would like to have you tell me how to im: prove my grammar and general talking ability. A. B,C. A—This is a case In which one learns best “by doing.” Practice makes perfect fn talking, as in oth- er lines of endeavor. Use every opportunity to formulate a narra- tive or an argument. Do not be- come a bore to your friends, but in- terest them also by putting their By 9 ETHEL HUESTON 4 SSSSERIEIE SET TTTTETSSESESEES LSTA ITT g TTL] SSESESSTTAT STIL aaa seca | Nove A Wee! consideration, five hundred dollars But here—why, Mount Mark aad & population of fully three thou sand, and the Presbyterian College small, to be sure--but the name had a grand and inspiring sound And Mr. Starr had to fill only one pulpit! It was heavenly, that’s what it was wan #ix hundred and fi , and the parsonage wes The par. d see nothing at ponage family ¢ all wrong with the world that day and the future was rainbow-tin The family had been in the new parson: only three weeks, when the Ladies’ Aid society announced that {t would hold {ts next meeting at the parsonage. Ladies’ Aids have a way of con- sidering a pursonage church prop- lerty, to be used at thelr conven fence, | Prudence viewed the coming Jevent with misgiving. She knew that the ladies did not approve of her emall n teen-year-old self as | guide for the four younger girls | And when her father was called to |the country the afternoon of the meeting she was almost in despair. “Now,” said Prudence, “I want to make a bargain with you, girls, If you'll stay clear away froin the | Ladies, and be very good and or: derly, I'll gi you all the lemonade jand cake afterward.” | “And let us make taffy after sup- per?” wheedled Carol, Prudence hesitated, three young faces hardened. Prudence relented and agreed. “We have an and the Then hastily hour and a half yet,” continued Prudence. “Twins and Connie, you go upstairs, and drese—just wear your plain little ginghams, the clean ones of course! Then if they do catch a glimpse of you, you will be presentable. Now hurry.” Then Prudence and Fairy set to work again in good earnest. The |house was already well cleaned |The sandwiches were made. But |there were the last “rites,” and every detail must be religiously at tended to The three main down-stairs rooms of the parsonage were connected by double doors. The front room, sel- dom used by the parsonage family opened on the right of the narrow hallway, Beyond it was the living room, To the left of the livingroom was the dining-room. The double doors between them were always The other pair was closed | open. }except on cecasions of importance “There'li be a crowd, of cours said, Fairy We'll just le he jdoors between the front room open.” “Yes. But we'll close the dining- room doors. Then we'll have the refreshments al! out on the table, and when we are ready we'll just fling back the doors carelessly and —there you are!” (Continued in Our Next Issue) Go Lstters Te Cussthin. Grov | Q—Please tell me what will kill |flies. | mean something cther than tanglefoot. My room is 100 | feet long and 25 feet wide. I'd be | grateful for any remedy. PEGGY. A—Eucalyptol, 10 parts; berga mot oil, parts; acetic ether, 10 parts; cologne water, 50 parts; alcohol, 9 per cent, 100 parts. Mix. One part of this essence is to be added to 10 parts of water and sprayed around the rooms fre- quently. One clever woman, who evident ly knows the mind of a fly, has de vised the following method for rid ding a house of flies: Screen the windows tightly at the bottom and sides. The screening extends about six inches higher than the top of | the bottom sash. When the bot tom sash {s up there is a space of about half an inch between the window and the screening top of the screening is not fastened to the sash, but a space of about half an inch fs left between it and the window. Files always go to the screens especially if the room is darkened for a few minutes. When they alight on the screens they always crawl up, then thru the half-inch fissure at the top of the sash, then thru the half-inch fissure at the top of the screen, whereupon, they find that they have walked or crawled out of the house. Q.—WiIll you please print If the Siamese twins were boys or girls and if they ever got married, and anything In particular you can tell me about them? | will anxiously await your answer. G. A. A.—The original Siamese Twins were born at Bangesau, Siam, April 15, 1811. They were of Chi- nese extraction, named Chang and Eng. Because of the manner of their physiolog‘cal connection, they were regarded as examples of “an- terior duplicity.” They grew to de almost 5 feet 2 Inches in height, could walk, run and swim, In April, 1829, they were brought to America and exhibited thruout the United States and later in Europe, | They finally settled at Mount Airy, jadopted the occupation of farming and lived there until their death, which was Jan, 17, 1874 Two other similar cases were re- ported in 1914. Suzanne and Mad- jeline, the “Siamese” twin girlo, thoughts into speech. When you & grammatical error, consult your old text-book or the dictionary, and the correct use of the word will be so impressed on your memory that you will not repeat the mistake. Q.—Did the Germans carry out gas attacks prior to the use of that chemical by the French? My friend contends that the French were the firet to use deadly fumes, Which ie right? ELLEN, A.—In late September, 1914, the press of this country published ao counts of the use by the French, in the Champagne region, of a gas called turpenite. This was the first mention of the use of gas in the war, but the use appears to have been soon abandoned, as ft seems to have proved as dangerous to the users as to the enemy Q.—What Is the premium, if any, on a twenty-five-cent pi dated "18547 BARBARA, A.—There is no premium, are conscious that you have made} four months old, who were joined together in the region of the stom- ach, face to face, had their hands ‘swathed with cotton to prevent them from scratching one another jand were operited on by a Parts ‘surgeon and separated. Maria and Maria Ann, who had been joined jtogether since birth by a ligament jat the base of the vertebrae, were separated by on operation per- formed by Dr. Mignot Olive Oil, Groceries. Macaroni, l k The} NATIONAL MARKET Always has big money saving specials. Butter, Whipped Cream ‘Chocolates, 50¢ Ib. ‘ NATIONAL MARKET 405 PIKE ST., NEAR FOURTH | %. pyright, 1916 Bobbs, Merrtll Co SSESSSESE SSE faaetens «| TTT 4 called them'at random thruout the country COLYUM DECEASED Matt Mattison, the politiker, says George E. Lee reminds him of Paul Revere. Paul didn't manufacture any letters, so tne resemblance be that both are now dead. HISTORY REPEATS Charles E. Hughes will speak at ITSELF |the Arena. Wasn't the Arena the place where Don Jose threw the bull in Carmen?” see Wonder if Ole will also let Bob pay $1 down and $1 a week? see The foxy democrate are now planning to send J, Ham Lewis after Charlie Hughes in his swing around the country. Thus they're | putting even Hughes’ whiskers to comparative test cee THE PRETTY BOT Ab, now! Isn't it cute, Timothy? I don't know whether t tip my , |sround an’ pineh you for You know, Mike! Thi feather nobs, the prett: love with himself. The pass up © gum slot the mirror to see if his it his eyebrows are In other words, he's He has » stock of different thinks are lady killers. memorandum bvok stuffed full names, addressee and Oh! he's he meet Ey ieee I sharks? ee DISQUALIFIED “If a man called me a Har,” as- serted a braggart, “I'd sail in and lick him if he weighed 200 pounds.” Well, you big bluff,” answered one who was tired of listening, “T call you that here and now. You're a Nar.” Bluff yourself,” came back the artist, without a minute's hesite- tion, “You don’t weigh more than a 150, and you know what I said.” cee A BIRD IN THE HAND, ETC, John Campbell planted peanuts the other day, but got afraid he would die before they made any thing, so he scratched them up and ate them.—The Franklin County (Ark.) News. THIS WOULD BE A HAPPIER WORLD, WE BELIEVE, IF EV- ERYBODY WORE A _ SIZE LARGER SHOE, FOR COMFORT'S | SAKE A small special constable when }0n top of a London tramcar was requested by the conductor to come down to deal with a man who was inclined to be abusive. Reluctantly the special constable complied with the request, but found himself con fronted by a huge fellow, over six feet tall “There he is,” said the conductor. | “He won't pay his fare.” |. The small special constable re- flected, and then said, “Well, I sup- pose I must pay it for him.” cee LIKE ATTRACTS LIKE; AN {EMPTY PURSE USUALLY GOBS WITH AN EMPTY STOMACH. ‘Don’t Dye Gray Hairs; Darken Them in a Natural Way Remove every trace of remature- ly gray, streaked and faded hair, easily, quickly, safely, and turn it an even dark, beautiful shade with ) |And keep it full of life. healthy, soft, wavy and f inating. Removes all traces of dandruff, | ing scalp, and stops falling hair No dye-—harmiess to use—uw: not be detected, Large 50c and $1 jbottles at your druggists. Send for valuable booklet, “Beautiful Hair,” Philo Hay ewark, J n D CO. al Eggs, Delicatessen and Fancy