The Seattle Star Newspaper, November 2, 1912, Page 4

4 | i | THE SEATTLE STA Fiche: Private Mxohan, fe Mala wate waite WEMHEN OF THY SCHIPPS NORTHWKST LEAGUE OF NWHPAPERS iy Seatile paper having full leased wire mews service of THIS ONE GETS DOLLAR PRIZE. ‘ io ta eel Joke Editor: I could tell many jokes on my mother-in-law, but the best joke o my mother-in-law is my father-in-law, GEORGE G. CRESSEY, Lakewood. ‘a merry fellow. He anticipated having a tot of fun with the motherin-law joki ae Where They Stand Most of them are very sad. Some of them are John E. Campbell of Everett introduced the eight : 8 me, having to do chiefly with dead mothers.in-law and the hell-and-damnation which, in the opinions bill for women. Campbell is not supporting Governor Hay] of our amateur jokesmiths, all mothers-in-law dese today. : ; rb . The task unmanned the Joke Editor, He called in the Obituary Man, a gloomy chap, and clever at his Se > 1 d Senat Henry M. White in trade. The Obituary Man laughed gloomlly and sobbed merrily over the motherin-taw jokes, He mad nator Dan Landon and Senator Hen M. ek ae bine, ‘The Sar Publishing ( CIRCLE CO | A free-tor ’ | e-forall i |The Circle had about «ix months hit it made with atin | girls warrants Buc 4 Contest gives each Pp ; | girl a good chan Yroduced the initiative and referendum and recall bills in There is one motheriniaw joke which has become an institution in the land, Three hundred and eighty-| & a j 1 i : S| prise offered, py the senate. Hugh Todd and Guvnor Teats in the house. Not] four Star readers submitted It. It's about the man who received the wire: “Your mauhentetens ad. #¢ ba er neices and nephews pne of these men will vote for Governor Hay on Tuesday, | Shall we embaim, bury or cremate?” to which he repiled: “Embal@, bry AND cremate. iy. o,o0 ee f 4 : oy jin the art line, while s a Yew sate Teats introduced the The Obituary Man said thie was a good jok ough old, but dre Joke Editor considers it . can't draw to well are Senator J. A, Falconer and Guynor te wntrosuce Thon there is the supposititious case of the ‘who was rowfng his wife and mother-intaw on the lake. | writing stories, poet }der to give everybahy' ns chance, this con % eided upon Boye’ and gee don't winh to draw may avorkmen’s compensation bill, Neither Falconer nor Teats| the boat hits a enag and capsizes, “Which,” inquires the humorist of the stone age, ill vote for “Put Hay, wife or his motherémlaw!" The answer comes down to us threpgli th Ole Hanson introduced the anti-race track gambling bill always find another wife, and with her another motherindaw. But Where, oh, w' other snag?” Hanson will not vote for Hay. The Obituary Man went off into gales of ghoulish laughter over this old one. ‘ought the man to save ‘Neither. A man can , would he find an- Stories or poetry or any Senator Bryan introduced the income tax amendment And there is this one, which was moldy when William conqueped Great Britain: “My motherindaw that seems fit. Por the resolution, Senator Bryan will not vote for Hay. died last week.” “That so? What was the complaint?” “No compigint at all. Everybody satisfied. | bution received out of ' 993 a > . ; The Joke Editor likes the winning joke best, because it is and the point neatly turned—on the offers a cash prize of Senator Josiah Collins and Senator Ralph Metcalf intro-| gather iniaw, | contest closes Friday Buced two distinct bills in opposition to the workmen's com- : MOTHER WOULDN'T LIVE IN IT 3 o'clock, pensation bill, as indorsed by the laboring people of this Joke Editor; Jobnson—That's a freakish looking house that Jonés {s having built, What made him . ee aw want a house like that? i State. Collins and Metealf will vote for Hay, both of them. Jackson—Well, you see, he and his wife were looking al pla and commented on the partie: Speaker Howard Taylor and Representative Beach were] giar architecture of this particular house, Jones’ mother-in-law looked over shoulder and sald: “L ‘ f yn . chiefly instrumental in knocking out the “first aid” provision © you aren't thinking of building a house like that, I wouldn't Mv@ jn It under any circumstances And fal | Dear Uncle Jack: ; - r na +. RISE, 1928 Lander St. fn the compensation act. They, too, will vote for Hay, both | so sanstein seas wine < ©, RISE, 1926 Lander ‘The above photograph shown Miss Lillian Verb sa dial i wish very much te of the: reas member of the Star Circle club, on the back of a donkey. Mise Ver-|(i'% 1 am 12 years - : _ iat Joke Editor: A young man took hia wife abroad to get away from his mother-in-law, who, at the Iast 4 rete ste, of s donkey, Miss Ver-lin the sixth meade, 1 gp Representative Sims was the man who led the fight! mogent, decided to go along. She died aboard ship and was buried at sea, A sack of coal was tied to hor] Droge bas been in the Circle « little over a month, She lives at 4303 ' 4 terlake school. Please inst the eight-hour law for women. Sims is going to/to make her ctak. A. samsonger standing by the bereaved son-in-law said: “It must be very sad for you] Maynard Av. 8, one of your " to see your mother-indaw that y A BEA for May. a, who has the record for voting wrong more|, "Well" wan the reply, “Tim not much surprised. I knew where she was going. but I didn't know she'd So Many of Her HER HALLOWEEN ae ny other in tt he various labor and Mave We Coenen Ye Ove Soe GHORGE H. YOUNG, 6626 12th Av. 8. Schoolmates EXPERIENCE) Pe«r Uncle Jack: than any other man in the house on the vai be JOKE BY THE LAW Dear Uncle Jack The $1.00 Il would like to progressive measures, is boosting and supporting Hay Joke Editor: The best joke—or is it the worst—on the mothertn-law, to my mind, in the law passed! | have hows reading the Star Cir- @ $1.00 cash price offered for! sain card. Iam rhe we 8 ‘And so on, you can go down the whole legislative rec-}by our intelligent (7) legislature during the last session, whereby @ man can eject bis herin-law frow|cie for « long time, and have beea| *"” aecehiees kind of a Halloween earn 9 ' of sath . Th Je’s| Bis house after she has visited her daughter for two weeks C. A. RKENONT, Cove, Wa. Satennied’ in coaken tim oe of | sapertence has been ord. The people's champions are against Hay. The peoples Saine Teel Eves patconed 8 eins ie names Be Miss Hilda Swanson. Her story i mies are for Hay. The men who put the progressive Joke Editor: A man who had a hobby for buying old musteal instruments was one evening showing &! honor roll. 1am 10 years old and | Pred below. {tox it legislation on our statute books are against Hay. The legis-| viotin to a guest, and, when it had been di ed, the enthusiast said to his sonindaw: “Bring the old|am in the sixth grade. | have three Fe AB Ag AL Enumclaw, Wash, tors who fought against the progressive and labor measures] lyre, Thomas," And Thomas returned with his mother-in-law RORERT NEILL, 207 30th Av. 8. aisters and one brother, Kindly lean: + hae 7. we are solidly organized for Hay. nities aera ” scpepig "ree" lseud me 4 membership card. out and hunt et OPAL Yet the Hay gangsters are hypocritically trying to put ry BERL EERE EROE ESET Oo Dee nom tee sty selon, : : “, - s abow ‘ogressive mask on their tty governor. iS e RETRIBUTION * -— — A 2 JOSH WISE * “What's new out your way?’ #1 Six More Write SAYS: *& “Well, the other night a few of # "4 It’s the Same Gang IG “Miss Pandora & un voters hired « hall and took # for Circle Cards no street tight on y ‘ p “friends of Zwiebeck is going ® turns addressing an audience #| The following boys and girls oe ona an Our high-hatted, silk-stockinged, frock-coated “friends © DIecoURAGING to speak before & of candidates. * have written to the ¢ Mile ter mone po ng a <4 ii the rescue again “What reasc we ou te th’ farmers’ inati- * ai bership cards e cards have loween, the ple” are coming to e 8 reason have you to think oan ak Gee been mailed to them, Write to believing very hey always do before election, you Seon to keep ie! nee pny Sg a to meke} ert on ‘The Ace. FUSE EE FE EOEE EE ER cote Jack, in care of The Btar, for much more in These dear people have organized a Civic league dt coi aaa thetic Aspect of NATURAL PRESUMPTION a card. spooks than | do now, | was very the poor, unknowing public in the right path on election day. “That's no sian she loves you.” |the Hen as « Chauffeur—Didn't you bear me] Beatrice Smith, Seattic. “7 frightened, Rete “ag 1 yspapers in Seattle, Tacoma and Spokane] «what is it. then . Songbird.” biowing my horn? Opai Fox, 1216 Van Ness av. on i was a . pecaenndpas Sewer! - . “Bob” Hodge*in the} « inaie " ro | Victim—Yeas, bat I thought per-]Port Townsend. from home two white figures ap- ich have been leading the attack on “Bob odge t] “Am indication that she's craay! have vou wote candidate tor tho] Gladys Meleness, Enumclaw,| peared in front of me from right terests of “Putty” Hay are saying many kind things of this| Chicago Record-Herald, reuldeney. Wash. out of the darkness, They made a te. “the lea ori tt of these laudatory "y a einen xia a seiceectihiacotalaetinestiliacanece 8 : p William McGovern, Cicero, Wash.| most ghastly sound and grabbed ivic league, and the league reprints some of these laucatory Ae eee eee eevee se & age! ; Ada Crump, Startup, Wash. me, At firet they sald nothing. 1] whars on his ‘4 editorial comments in a little pamphlet which it is distributng odiieaik IN NEW YORK Drinks Hard Cider; Alice Olmstead, Auburn, Wash. |was very frightened and, of mind? guess? Why ite a4 * ! “ + * course, that pleased them. One of cc and T dave ported tars's merepeas Ween sane fie Bouse Kills His Wife Hi them said, ine hoarse and myster- qnouth when Unsll - Good gracious! What does «| Did they get any MARIETTA, 0. Nov. 2.--Sanmuel ONOR: ROLL fous voice: “Don't yell, we are go- turkeys as pri Rabeon, 71, shot and killed bis wife, ing to keep you.” I was so scared I almost fainted, and I guess they ele for turther must have seen that, for, at the cor- ner, they let me go. Believe me, f am glad I know better this year. HILDA SWANSON. * to the voters, The league then proceeds to advise the dear} blic that it’s all one awfully big mistake to vote for the|» People’s measures, the initiative, the referendum and the re-)« Fa fall amendments to the state constitution next A apr A eee nk Th oh tee al. thing except my hudband's| Dlantha, 71, after drinking hard It's quite interesting to know that the president of the)¥ cand box of candy tg about on 2 {8¢P¥e."—Detrolt Free Pros cider. os is J. M. Frink of Seattle, president of the W ashington # howr.”—Chicago Recoré-Her # . nate ron Works, that the vice president is Frank T. McC ullough| # ald. * John Grant. Edwin Baimert. Margaret Monson. Peter Robertson. ADMIRATION of Spokane, president of the Crystal Laundry Co., that another PEEEEEEEEEEEEE EHS) voy must have seen some trait tian, Woeptes 137 East 64th st. vice president is Charles Richardson of Tacoma, president of ON THE JOB in me to admire,” said Mr. Meekton, Archie Jones. oe the Pacific Cold Storage Co., and that the treasurer is P. F.| Harduppe—That fellow Pjones| “or you wouldn't have married me.” Arthur Seawall. i ? - : %, must have money, “1 did,” replied his wife; “your : Purcell of Seattle, president of the Purcell Safe use ion is{ Borrowell—So must I. tatroduce| sublime nerve in wanting to be my|they will strike unless thetr pay ta 4 like to join the Star Cir- Thus, you will find, the issue at the coming election iS} to hita.—Philadelphia Record. | husband.” boosted. cle, Will you send me a member- | poe: hecoming clearer and clearer, The gang which is OppOSitg | pemmmnmenmmeerneen a 7 “Bob” Hodge is the same gang which has always opposed measures in favor of the people, and which is now opposing) the initiative, referendum and recall. ete, Or, to put it the other way around, the gang which is bitterly opposed to giving the people the control of their Own government, tlre crooked politicians, the kept press, and the reactionary corporations who have united to defeat the jative, referendum and recall, have necessarily united at card? I am in the fifth grade, am 12 years old. WILLIE M'GOVERN. jeero, Wash. David Cornieison. ———— Ada Crump. Beatrice Baker. Editor The Star: local standpat papers attempts to] ness men representing Maine, Ni prove that Roosevelt's election is) Hampshire, Massachusetts, Rhy ALEX J. ALLAN, Die a Soak * maak pagers impossible, Let as ye Re Island, New Jersey, cortrenealt Te Ex Chief Seattle Fire Dept. The air Circle Chelios tend the & : “ ” f 5 ‘The Farm Journal, November is-| Delaware, Maryland, forty-se' rt aad ' same time to defeat “Bob” Hodge, the people's candidate). “arter an absolutely impartial| attendance: Roosevelt, 25; Wilsum, CANYONIZED RENTS i aes — = nen Cd . pelt (vastly ifferent, from the/13; Taft, 8; Bebe, 3. Editor The Star: if a city is|tuure of a duck. it is the best I Observations prejudiced New York Herald) of| Summarised, the votes ai rely a huge ageregation of peo-jcan do, ax 1 am only 7, and 1 the whole country, shows: Roose-} show: Roosevelt, $381; Wit ple working to enrich and ag-|did {t myself. I walk @ mille and i Spy ge s volt, 796; Wilson, 387; Taft, 175; /4,476; Tat, 2.386, Roosevelt grandize a few plutocrats, doubtless} a half to school. 1 am in the sec “WE HAVE already won. Whatever is the result of| Debs, 411; Chafin, 79, The Rural/ 1,560 more votes than the com! the proper caper is to Jam the pub-|ond grade. 1 will send my picture the balloting Tuesday, the progressive party has been found-| New Yorker, at state fair: Roose-| votes of Wilson and Taft. Ne baiidings where they will per-j next time. Elsie May Newell, Issa- 4 Phy) o 496; Wilson, 395; Taft, 215; | of other polls show Roosevel: - and put on a lasting basis.”—Theodore Roosevelt. Debs, $3; Chafin, 87. The’ Obio|tonishingly strong aera. 7. the canyonized congestion} quah, Wash. A MONKEYSHINE ene : Farm Journal: Roosevelt, 362;| The above information is gal PUTTY Governor Hay’s exalted ambition is to become) Witson, 151; Taft, 58 The Pitts from democratic, republican and | ee Soe & pees —_— Special Privilege’s “Man Friday” in the pleasant job of dis-| burg Press predicted a landalide] partial independent and marrow view of their “ and exploiting for private gain the interests in this oA prcege si DN me om The soeroes. and an to see Kd) and dution “have "80. m bret tate which should be reserved for the PUBLIC GOOD. velt, 2,236; Wilson, 1,77 tah pon ge rE ina petits bedi pad to ald tire conges- — pean i » 115. Tt) eates that Taft is not a factor 18) hati to be iustra- THE FARM JOURNAL, a paper with a million circula-| also show Westmoreland euadtt, 41 thd anntest, end that the ae es nied po athe th 2, goed Me ee ton, is taking a country-wide straw poll. It now stands:| strong Democratic rlet: Roowe-| between foosevelt and Wilson; | nopolistic downtown 0 oa —— 7%, Wilson 387, Taft 175, Debs 411, Chafin 79.] velt, 382; Wilson, 347; Tatt, 136;| therefore a vote for any candidate — $ wasted. . “atic Debs, 83%. The New York Mali, in Roosevelt will be something like primary clection figures between Teddy} tourteen straw Pha pcan wot except adc on’ and Taft. velt, 329; Wilson, 154; Taft, 11 ¥. G. WHITAKER. Debs, 36. The Brooklyn KE. & SEYMOUR. “THEY'VE been caught sucking eggs, but they forgot ’ to hide the shells.” That homely little summary of the uni- waprmincale. versity land grab deal, made by Ole Hanson, is worth re- peating—and remembering next Tuesday. THE state battle is between “Bob” Hodge, backed by : Ohto rail the independent men and women of all parties, and Hay, fe odd mney "cea a; backed the Slanderbund and the Plunderbund. YOUR Taft, 0. Wilmington, 1 i women of gaan or THEIR man will be elected. Which do YOU want? 0. F; Roosevelt, $5; belong to the bap dng he Pony splend country. Locomotive Brother new A NEWS agency takes the| they were, except the last one) ied, 220 members: Roosevelt, 208; that he does not op-|museum, wha some s trouble and goes to the ex-| who died two days ago? Wilson, 3; Taft, 0; Debs, 1. Travel-| pose the gradual adoption of the|krotmds fronting the famous Fen- DE Home cooking has the bac! oa of cabling that King Al- ing men on train, Michigan, Indi-|two-platoon system by an annual| way of at least 60 acres. So that \— sO in ia ill wit, ine} FOR 42 minutes the thou-|ana, Missouri: Roosevelt, 404; Wil-| increase in men per company and|the downtown contractionists do approval of Spain is ill. wit! in e thou per comp roe hd penn EO regomray St of science and the to be won. fluenza. A king of Alfy’s im-| sands in Madison Square Gar-| #00 266; Tate, 196, wha ner : oor tag, incronae:.of Seg) 89 they would like to have it is ¢ has just got to keep|den, New York, last night itson, 126. Rail] Now, I cannot see where either | Seattle. C. C. CLOBSON. in the limelight. cheered Theodore Roosevelt, A in Indiana, Llinois|the public or the fire fighters are and it was all the colonel and a ere ag 4 be Le app by suck 8 ed Youth tiful FIVE vice presidents have] the police could do to stop the + Dome a simply increasing the dum! outhful, Beau 5 : ” , " cena lene eet ae of men in the department, without . 4 . a in — ant, —_ ag then, It beat all rec- “ 99 the desired ras japiryy ne eh ypu Skin Easy to Have : It is acknowledged by lows, who remembers who’? ords, ler the two-platoon system, ES Se cg ar 7 7 ta tha ndopten ct he genteel) oe cy ey, ae os Se aS ee. we vi H or pplex« Strictly up to those Turkish generals to win their calage te fo eatiefied that the 06 ae peor comp! that the best cooking in battles. li they're defeated, off come their heads! ficiency and discipline would be i in, Ch : é . “ . r. greatly decreased. Does he mean! general health be mood Whom these world to-day is with the aid F. S. CARTER—1915, That's the way a San Fran- that the dopartment will have Jess |xternal influences mpoll the com- | ¢isco man registers at a Seattle hotel, and that’s the way he efficiency, when there will be more | nore ie apoll by external teant, Royal Baking Powder. advertises his city and it’s world’s fair men responding to a fire under the merecolized w will do Not a bad idea, either two-platoon system than there is It will actually absorb th under the present system? Towit: ther-beaten film-skin, @ little Coryza-Influenza. Under the present aystem, from the|fave a brand new’ complexion, 2 now The uncertainties of autumn pp fly opto aly ey youthtul’'s mnplexton’ coe 4 AMA hiteh engine company No. 1 has 10/Xouthtul’ complexion thus acquired, cH ETO. Free, weather have caused an epidemic| men, allowing one man his regu-|comfort. thereh ne ronscn whe ane A Tait Seavars bet: a a THE republican national committee announces it will meet November 12 to appoint a successor to Sherman on its ticket. That man will certainly be “the goat,” and the honor will be one of those dubbed “empty.” comfort, there's no reason why any Ay., bet. Union and sana of Influenza and Coryza according a off — three men out to meals, hould ni , 0 ‘ 1 A. M. TO t leaves six men to man th . an ou GOOD EVENING! Have you had your house burglar- | sy apolar tinabineg Y splaiene. ars MEGS Soy Ging Mon atus, Under the two-platoon s¥®/ nightly like cond, crea. ti It especially affects persons of|tem there will be seven men on nie with Row tall in (PAID ADVERTISEMENT) advanced age and men and women/each shift to man that apparatus, Quickly remove wrinkles, sl; " whose constitutions had previously |! that decreasing the eft mney Of | of care and a« the the fac the company? 1 say no! sionally in a solution of powdered been weakened, A abe ag —¥ Now, in the night time, also’ jab | S*xollte, 1 o#, dissolved in % pt. r@) n A. It is known by lassitude, shiver-| lowing one man his regular off, it| Srise youn Adcertiqgnant, “ll eure x . e P ing, weight in the head, sneezing,| leaves nine men to man that ap 0 ized yet? With a record of about a dozen robberies a night, the light-fingered gentry are covering Seattle pretty thor- oughly. MORE Seattle robberies, More auto accidents. And yet we have enough anti-crime laws and enough anti-speed ings. ordinances. Have we enough police, but note y| Watery eves, obstruction of nostrils, | PUStIn™, re will be the other th si INY-RENTON” ee BRAINS AND ENERGY jn the police? Of BONEN followed by cough, hoarseness and| Sr "seven regular on ta na init a atl ° i aie es a di “|#ore throat, pains and soreness of| apparatus, to which you may’ add All Cla; Pr. LOOK it over—$30,063,502. That the amount of the net|!mbs, fever, loss of appetite. fate thtes mate men, for thd tee ——— a It is not when the body is hot,|!0Wis reasons; Tho members of the department, being about 30 per but when it is cooling that it i8| cont gi gle men, after amusenient most susceptible, hours will either have to refit @ Dr, Humphreys’ “Seventy-seven” | room or go back to the en¢ine preoceuptes the system, prevents | !ouse to sleep, and I think it stands to reason that the majority will go and breaks up the Cold. All Drug. to their respective quarters, thare zs : gists 25, or mailed, by increasing the number of nien Progressive Party Nominee Humphreys’ Hemeo, Medicine Co, on that apparatus. furnaces, Water 4 " iiiam and Anh Btroots, Now|. A® far as discipline is concelt roe Office, 433 N. Y. Block M 6169 earnings of the United States Steel corporation for the QUARTER just ended. Pretty fat little melon in dividends to be cut for the stockholders every three months! pS DIFFERENCE OF OPINION ctl Most Important city in the country?” asked the geog- “I don't know,” replied the serious small . “Rather seems em its New York aud mother seems ‘to think te Reno” ® 1007 Hoge Bldg. Justice of Peace SEATTLE PRECINCT I think ft is less difficult to