The Seattle Star Newspaper, May 14, 1912, Page 3

THE STAR—TUESDAY, MAY 14, 1912. t $1.25 and $1.50 PURE SILK GLOVES, SALE PRICE FELS NAPTHA, IVORY OR FAIRY SOAPS, 7 BARS THE RIVER OF HUMOR FLOWING HERE| a et bo mountains of humor rush the rivers of jokes,]thee, consent thee not.” The clos | which feap the banks and flood the arid plai , ing exercises gave to some ‘ world, id plains of our workaday member of each o the dint . . ; tion of rising be the Letra a Pretty simile. Beautiful thought. But even an inunda-| «choot and pronouncing the “i . Be Fico Bottles tion of fun can be too much of a good thing. The Funny} The honor felt to Terence, and tt $< ‘ dela RELIABLE OLD DUTCH CLEANSER, 4 CANS FOR as ho answered with a weary shrug of the shoulders “Mee no know, but me guess ‘Every me 1g Fixem,’"* BE. M. MELSE, Robison, Williams Co. Tente, Stores, THE STORE THAT SAVES YOU MONEY / “Billous” Was Julius’ Brother. A German friend of mine, named Juilus, has two brothers, Augw and Mill, Julius was sick recently, and | was with him when the doctor called, Julian’ pulse and temperaty were taken and his tongue exam ined. “You are bilious,” said the doe tor. “No,” #ald the sick man, “I am Julius.” GEORGE WESTENHAUER, 426 27th fv. 8. Tae ah ae Editor, swimming desperately on the crest of the flood, has bh ee nee ree be ————«| sorted out—and here the lovely simil x bgp er nad # ardor until hin tura came,’ In a ely mile goes to smash—has| ringing volce he proclaimed Me sorted out a dozen or so of the best local funny stories by Star|son, If & sinner entice: thee, con. readers, out of a few hundred which were ood, bad and indif-|in#e his knot ferent, and they are herewith presented for the express purpose ‘S of exciting your risibilities, And there are hundreds and hundreds, and still more hun« ay |ireds yet to be culled. Knew Venue Waa a Cripple. he chuckled, I visited one of the public schoo! | beca: bulldings in Seattle recently on the! cecasion of an exhibit of the term's work. Here and there among the exhibits were signs which said: “Handa Off." One of these signs decorated a statue of Venus. A small boy regarded the sign disdainfully and said: “Any darn fool can see that!” HELEN DAHLBY, M'CLELLAND, 806 Leary Building. j i wl No Humor in This One. This is an actual experience of) my own at the telephone. If you! have a “tragedy” editor, pasa it on to him, Central—Number, please, Subscriber Main 640, C, jain 6307 8&.—No; Main 540, C—Malin 640, 8.—Yea. Three minutes elapse. $ C.-What number are you call) ing, please? 8. Les “T know she's home wee Lean see a light in the up stairs window,” MABEL WELCH, 1718 Minor av, Mother Will Be Shocked. A short time ago | went to call on 4 friend of mine who lives on Cap itol bit, and while awaiting my how tess | was directed into the parlor, On entering | was astonished to see —— my friend's small son cuddled up in English “ae Spoke” In Seattle. |a big upholstered rocker and poft. A crowd was watching working: | ing vigorously at a clgaretio, men decorate the Totem Pole in| “Why, Tommy !" | exclaimed, we rike oe sie | Ploneer square, Some one asked: (“What would your mother say tf and used se . “Who's getting up a celebration?” saw you smoking cigfrettest gold and exchange a THikums,” another answered. would be shocked.” phave the most comp “4 “Tit, who comes?" asked 1 should say she would!” Tommy P second band goods 10 Bi seeker of information replied, “They're her cigarettes.” at the lowest prices | Potlatch,” was the reply GEORGIA FE. COTE. ge new goods for H) The inquirer got huffy and walk 603 Marion st. wilt valtt your home Ov fed away. Ho was from the Fast, it was his firet day in Seattle, and he thought he was being kidded. | ey P. SCHMIDT, SECOND AV. AT JAMES ST. Sale of Lewis & Co.'s Stock Continued All Week Phenomenal Values IN ALL SECTIONS OF The Store That Saves You Money WILSON’S DRESS HOOKS GIVEN AWAY Special May Sale of and Oxfords Made in the popu- lar leathers over lasts that combine charac- ter, good sense and snap. Men's $4.00 Gun- metal Calf, Suede Top Button SHOES, Another of Those Foolish Questions. Yesterday | passed an apartment with « very large lawn, which, from it appearance was being mowed for the first time thie season, At one corner wan @ large pile of cut grass, and near it was a man leaning on 4 mawer. A friend approached the man and sald, “What are you doing? Mow ing the lawn?” “No,” waa the reply. Dr, Matthews a hatr ew MRS, FRANK WARREN, 1921 B. Unon at Three more minutes elapse Co-Main 540 has been changed to Elliott 640. Call central and she} will connect you Three more minutes elapse, ‘Number, please? ; 5.—Filtott 640 ’ C.-—EMott 5407 B—Vee C-—The line ts busy A. M. JONES. 208 Mehthorn Building. | the | Boy Guessed Right Very First Time. While a Bunday schoo) snperto- tendont of the 62nd at. M. E. chureh wome tin 0, | was review!ng the i fore the school, the sub: Jeet under diseuasion being sin and | tte awful consequences, both to in- |i dividuals and nations, In summing} up Lasked: “What is the one thi we must fear above al) things meaning stn, of course. 1 got no re ply, and repeated the question, The An Improvement on Scripture. 1 once undertook the onerous ea bek ewig = — of lé-year ol ys tn jatt Sunday * = school, One boy's name was Ter. ‘These Jape'Are the Het Jokers: His Wife Couldn't Foo! Him. ence Murphy. I never knew Wow An elderly gentleman became {n- Last Friday evening, while walk-/a name like that, a face eo freckled | terested yesterday in an automobile | tn up Pine et, & man yery much)and @ nose so retrousse got into a} which was standing by the curb in! jintoxteated stopped beside an elec | Presbyterian Sunday school. But pad av. He noticed the Jetters, | repairing. water coils made. If yor we will pack your Main 3227. shington Bidg. H | troller post and begau to rap on it/there be was, short, thick set,|° M. F..” on the front of the ma |vigorously with his knuckles. A/ fidgety, bright, mischtevous, and as| chine, and inquired of the Japanese situation was becoming emberrass. , Stranger, passing, asked him what) pagnacious as the fame of his pame | ch ffeur what they meant jing when a amall boy leaped to his ihe was doing and why he was do-| would warrant. The Golden Rule| I have been told that the Japan-|feet and shouted: “A cop!” jing it for that Sunday was from Proverbs,| ese have no sense of humor, but a| M, F. MILL dik My son, if sinners entice|twinkle came into this one’ “My wife can't foot me this time,” eyes | 6208 Third av (PRR KRaketneane * & NO SPORT EDITIONS FOR CHICAGO FANS CHICAGO, May 12. vere! Hearst newspapers of Chicago are expect- ed by the union men bere to day, The publishers express themeciven as encouraged by the action of the printers in voting yenterday not to join the striking pressmen * | 1 In the water with the cradie con. * | taining shipwrecked peopie being! * | lowered, aleo a great bag contain. # ing food and water. The plan is to # have small deck houses on each) * ‘raft, in which will be kept fori + emergency, masts, sail, steering & gear, etc. * Deck raft No. 2 is still in position. #@ The afternoon papers to The shows the wheels and) @ day abandoned their early edi- hoisting apparatus ready to roll the @ tions, laxuing home editions at Woman Bring this advertisement to our ta Deal | MAY START AGAIN War ‘GOOD THING FOR ' THE PEOPLE PORve© with ch. Dut with the hint On quality of wor price, My offic k 4 nt @ manner to ¥ thought bec ¥ & set of teeth porcelain crow or . a poree ini tn Brareben o " upon she imprinted a Kiss on the e Com when I de yo of Dei MY Naw ¢ on Piest an one oO enteh n lbw, D. D . ing Denti 713 First en nion Block cod South of th elegraph Buildi Ky ing. e"- erybody did make a dotinr will toxe a dozen kisses to the good. mar Dental | my offices. | § Ve by | ¢ Postal] gram picture of the best plan sug: gested to the British admiralty) since the lose of the Titanic, for) the saving of life at sea. The! author is Frank T, Bullen, probably | the best known nautical expert in Bullen’s pian, in brief, a large part of the boat,| , so built as to be de) tachable in sections, forming great [rafts which will hold 2,000 or 3,000 people. | The picture shows deck raft No.| |FREE SPEECH WAR_ | WAKEFIELD, Mase. May i4.—-A free speech war similar to that in) | San Diego, Cal., is expected today as | la result of the action of the pollee; | ome of Angelo Sa in raiding th leader, therety 1 } | ¥arti, an 1. W y | i preventing a meeting of the Indus | trialites called té protest against his campaign for California's sup- | leader, in jail in connection with the | recent textile strike in Lawrence |NOW THEY DON’T HAVE TO WORK) GRANTS PASS, Or., May 14 John Ison, George Colvin and Oscar Shattuck, miners, could not get a job in the Galice district, so they went to digging for themselves and struck a free gold quartz seam) five days ago which has given them | $900 in the five days, } with much | more In sight. They say its $10,000 bust EVERYBODY DID IT LOS ANGELES, ‘Cat, May 14 it,” sang a bilark ous maid in a cafe last night, where ) bald poll of a willing Shriner. Ev When the gentleman recovered his breath, he was about THEY SAVED HIM. LOS ANGELES, Cal., May 14 Rushed toward a police station for |impersonaténg an officer, a youth in a regulation unifogn was saved the members of a high school secret society into which he wep being initiated. He surrendemd | bis tin star, NO, DON’T DO IT | OAKLAND, Cal., May 13.—Don't Until 8 and Sun-| you ever speak to us again,” said Until 4 for people work, r two pretty girls, ordered out of an |antotnobile in which they had been I Soy riding as guests of John Roull ; il raft to the side and drop it over. Deck raft No. 3 is on ite way to) the water under controi of steel hawsers and pulleys. The Titanic could ily have car- ried five let and Ralph Page, San Jose stu dents. The machine was stolen and the boys were marched off to jail A WARNING TO. MANY Some Interesting Facts Re- garding Health Statistics Few people realize to what ex condition of the kidneys, The physician in nearly all cases of serioug fliness, makes a chemi cal analysis of the patient's urine. He knows that unless the kidneys are doing thelr work properly the other organs cannot be brought back to health and strength When the kidneys are neglected or abused in any way, serious re sults are sure to follow. Accord ing to heaith statistics, Bright's disease, Which fs really an advanced form. of kiduey trouble, caused nearly ten thousand deaths in 1910 in the state of New York alone Therefore, it behooves f= to pay more attention to the health of these most important organs. An ideal herbal compound = that has had reparkable success as a kidney remedy ig Dr. Kilmer’s Swamp-Root, . the great Kidney, Liver and Bladder Remedy. The mild and healing influence of this preparation is soon realized It stands the highest for ite remark able record of cures. If you feel that your kidneys re quire attention and wish a sample bottle, write to Dr. Kilmer & Co Binghamton, N. Y. Mention Dept R and they will gladly forward it to you absolutely fre@, by mail. Swamp-Root is sold by every druggist in bottles of two sizes— 50 and $1.00, t' and a few | } | ; jtent (heir health depends upon the } Seld everywhere broad by 100 feet long—a total area) first of 20,000 equare feet. it would have been necessary to sacrifice only a veranda, a lounging room ateroome, Act Well! And that you may, profit by the health-restéring, strength giving properties of the time- test ta family remedy BEECHAM’S PILLS Sand and Gravel, Plaster, Brick and Sewer Pipe. et G. S. Dudley & Sons 5240 Rainier Ave. Beacon 1371. Col. 40. ® noon @ Ali-aporting editions prac & teally have been abandoned. RReKRHeHE AAA MOTHER-IN-LAW HELPED HIM OUT SAN FRANCISCO, Cal, May 14 AN precedent was’ smashed when ymour, refused a divorce for k of evider produced his therin law, who made such a . case in hin favor that the de Cr@@was xranted at once. The pair court arm im arm, leaving neh apeechlens. OHIBITION THUGS IN FRANCISCO, May 14.—"My joe won't let me prosecate Carroll, when burg: broke into bis saloon and drank whole stock of soda water and ginger ale, without touching a drop of Nquor. «A MATCH DID IT ‘SAN FRANCISCO, May 14. Striking a match in a room where gag bad accumulated, State Harbor Inspector John Cassidy tore the roof from hin home and shattered every pane of glass in the block. He has & $2,000 glaziers bill to pay, be side the doctor THE MARKETS fold: are ithe average cae paid by igeat commission met- chante to all cases Peeeeteseeseetesn preducers. Prices in eubject LF ge aocorting General Reel! it these prices, unless Sinerwine’ indicated, are for ewrienly on@ Butver—Selling Price. jon Dut- shucks rere Laine, No. 1. fall ewe: . No.1. Rounds Ox tongue, tr 1 Wet spring La zs Drew Trimmed sider Short dein pork . r = Liver sausage «+ fiologne : Tubs . Smoked Meats—Selling Price, Hams isacon M0 Rolled ham. Ox tongue, eacr Dried bee Bacon eee mene Semen SSocuwanars SES = : oF me iocate SSs5 asans —Loeai ring broilers “, ve, ing duckithe. ks, live, Ib... vara a fies aack . Yur Ly Htudishes, dow. .. Parsiey, 40% ‘null flower raw berries Ci cabba use ifea ttuc ldycumbers, Ne 4 Ww ¢ Midatings Ritied outs and bariey mixed . Notion Department not later than one week from today and receive, absolutely free, a regular 10c card of Wilson Dress-hooks ‘These popular new Dress-hooks are not ordinary hooks and es or snape—they will completely overcome your drees-fastening difficulties. The free cards are not samples but the same value for which you would regularly pay 10c. We make this most unusual and liberal offer as we are confident you will find Wilson Dress-hooks the very thing you have always wanted. They can't come unhooked or ‘pop’ open accidentally. They hold securely without bulge or gap, though you can unhook them with perfect ease, Guaranteed not to rust or crush in washing and ironing, and to outlast any garment; periectly flat and never show. Don't neglect this opportunity to try the Wilson Dress-hooks you have seen eo widely advertised in the leading magazines and style Used by fashionable women everywhere and endorsed by leading dressmakers. Cut Out this Advertisement y Nofion Department. Lates aod lack and White colors, One dogen TI give a card to soy one who has or the Wilson Co. tvelands O, "None s now Men's $4.00 Work SHOES $2.69 Ladies’ $2.50 Dress SHOES for Ladies’ $4.50 Tan Button SHOES $3.49 $1.50 Child's Fancy SHOES for 79¢ Ladies’ $3.00 Drese SHOES; button or Blucher style, for. this sale $1.98 The Busiest Men’s Store And Why? We're Selling Lewis & Co.'s Quality Suits and Coats for Less Than Half Regular Price. ‘None gives to McCORMACK BROS., Second Ave. and James St.—“The Store That Saves You Money.” Lewis & Co's $35.00 Suits; Society, Sincerity and Sophomore hand-tailored garments, for $18.75 Lewis & Co.’s Men's and Young Men's $30.00 Suits at $14.75 15c Wash Fabrics, new and pretty designs, yard 9; Women’s 20c fine Cotton Hose, in black and tan; all sizes; pair 11° Women’s and Misses’ Blue and Brown $17.50 Serge Suits $9.75 Men's regular $15.00 Suits, latest models; generous supply to select from; sale price $4.75 Men's and Young Men's Blue Serge Suits ABOUT HALF PRICE 50c Coral Bead Necklaces now offered for 23° Women’s $12.00 Lewis & Co.’s Regular $25.00 Suits at $11.75 Men’s and Young Men’s $20.00 Suits and Coats $9.75 Allover Lace, worth to 50c; sale price 18° Children’s 15¢ black ribbed Cot- ton Hose; sale price, pair 7:© | $5.49 |$2.98 Ladies’ Trimnied Women's 35c to 50c Jersey ribbed Summer weight Vests, now 19° $6.50 Serge and Silk Dresses, now Novelty Skirts Women’s three- Big lot of Chil- Hats; values to dren's Straw Hats $7.50 quarter Jackets, values to $12.00 $3.98 eath