The San Francisco Call. Newspaper, December 30, 1906, Page 5

James Gallagher two of your acquaintances—Jones and They are pretty much alike in the matter of arms, legs and eycbrows; they have college together, and swing in the cle; they have about the same amount n 3 -4 same social ¢ nd appear to have equally bright pros- re alike in 2 good many ways, and yet and unmistakably different. raight, Jones Jones quotes Smith makes poetry of his own. ve a mail Smith can't rrectly; Jones 2 handy man—a veritable Captain Dobbin when it comes to decorating a Christmas tree or car- rying the s’ wraps; Smith always does things wrong and can't for the li hat or umbrella. fe of him keep track of his Jones is a pleasant talker, always saying the right things and always agreeing with you. Smith may sit a whole hour without saying a word, 2d when he does talk he says the thing you least it in a2 way that nobody else ever u explain the difference? Jones is and Smith is Smith; but that tells s Jones Jones, and why is Smith ou always know what Jones is 1 you never guess what is There’s a reason; You would find that reason r. adily enough if you tt Burgess, recently The book is called “Are You a Bro- attempts elucidate the Sulphitic t embodies a series of r(tea'cncs into the readjusts vour including your were to read a little book by Ge rought out and to theory? Just this: into two classes, species. tes The the Jones The former are Bro- The Bromides are you know more Joneses than Bromides get into grooves and stay is divided ther phites get into nothing and stay no- where 'The Bromide,” Mr. Burgess tells us, “does king by syndicate. He follows the main- !traveled roads, he goes with the crowd. In a word, talk alike—one may predicate their y given subject. They have their hair and their minds keep regular’ office Their habits of thought are all ready-made, , sober, benefiting the “‘average man.” Jones. Bromide. Smith, the Sulphite, ferent. He thinks original thoughts ngs—not that he tries on purpose e he cannot help it. His » as inevitable as the of his skin. He is e 4 ch you may 4 te can tell.” One g him, and that is the I mouth you can tell a Sulphite. Meet him the sun is out and a re to inform you he got on at and ¢ had “a g home to inevitably use the ) e to take pot luck, the chen crossing the or in the world,” r Columbus of ewise, on a warm day, “We don’t really feel the heat Go up emind Men- and the n must en he's ng for office.” friend Jones is a Bromid because he y employs “Bromidioms” rt, but be- for the thing else. ent or noth- ¥ recognized he never com- Sulphite, says som Regarding it as a green is restful to fact that mits the Bromide impropriety of saying so. ing a definite idea concerning the thoughtlessness of children, he refrains from expressing himself in the essentially Bromide dictum, “You can't put an old Possess- o “It's es that vou have head on young shoulders He will never o bad” “I’'m so sorry” because he re: t is too bad yourself had no reason to suspect that he is not duly regretful. Bromides and Sulphites exist in fact and fiction. The first Bromide was Adam, the first Sulphite Eve, nd LTI S /IERE ARE TWO MIRRORS ONE - » DRETTY CERTAIN = SFIOW YOU ASTONISHING THINGS ABOUT YOURSELF: TRY ~ ONE AND NO RESULTS Qrozas Porre; CoOXRECTLY 2o in view of which fact it is interesting to note that nowadays very few Sulphites are found among the devout female sex. Virgil, Pope and Longfellow were Bromides; Homer, Byron and Pce were Sulphites. Portia is one of Shakespeare’s few female Sulphites; but Jessica, in the same play, is 2 Bromide, and the author of one of the most delectable “Bromidioms” ever uttered: “I am never merry when I hear sweet music.” Shakespeare, perhaps the greatest Sulphite that ever lived, assures us: “The lunatic, the lover and the poet are of imagination all compact.” Another way of saying that, in their higher manifestations, those three classes of persons are essentially Sulphitic. No true Bromide ever wrote poetry—aren’t there a good many people who claim Pope wasn't a poet?—and no true Bromide ever went out of his mind. The Sul- ~WELL- TRY THE OTHER. ! WfllCl'I SOME IF YOU GET SOLPHITE O 7RI TS THE UNLEXRECT =2 phite Is equally consplcuous in the lunatic asy- lum and the hall of fame. Thanks to a merciful dis- pensationof Pro- vidence, Bro- . mides ‘are fre- quently ardent and consistent lovers, but never indis- creet ones. Paolo and Francesca were eminent Sul- phites. The Sulphite comes not ready made. All babies look alike—they're all ‘Bromides. Alcibiades goo- gooed, Dante squalled, Mr. Roosevelt sucked at a nursing bottle, Jack London waxed strong on sooth- ing syrup, All these are essentially Bromidic acts, - TANE BROrIDE TS T E S ) and the Sulphites just mentioned, when they per- formed them, were not Sulphites. The Sulphitic ten- dency, when it comes at all, comes in adolescence— only in their teens do the preordained Sulphites be- gin to show themselves different from their equally preordained Bromidic confreres. The Bromide is no better than the Sulphite, the Sulphite no better than the Bromide. Both are essen- tial factors in a well ordered world. A soclety made up exclusively of either species of the genus humanus would be inconceivably flat, stale and unprofitable. Only when the Sulphitic leaven is mixed with the Bromidic paste are the good points of each developed to their fullest extent. Bromides are necessary to Sulphites; they are restful and soporific. Sulphites are necessary to Bromides; they are recreative and stimulating. OF FHE OByrors, 7= 75 srex 7o ;a(ra;;v rocr ,rm T s V& &L N\ S g CHIRTS T OPHER COZLrt8Ys DI . And now, perchance, the utility of the Sulphftte theory becomes apparent. Rightly applied, it is the open sesame to every difficulty, every vexation, every irony of life. It conduces to resign one to the inew jtable. It begets harmony and mutual satisfaction. Through it you understand your friends Jones and Smith. Jones will hencefurth never annoy you by remarking that one of your water colors “locks natural”; on the contrary, he will amuse and instruet, since he adds to your list of “Bromidioms.” Neither will you feel like remonstrating with Smith whea he comes to your dinner party without a necktle or hazards the opinion that Kipling reveals life by splendid flights of vulgarity. He is affording you an insight ‘into the Sulphitic temperament—an insight you will admire if you are a Bromide and appreciate if you are a Sulphite. GLORIOUS CALIFORNIA, WHERE MOHAMMEDAN AND HINDU MAY FIGHT AND FIGHT E is an electric line being from Oroville east, and on HE this road are employed 2 large o of Hindus and Moham- number medans. The distance from their homes has not brought them closer to cach other. They glare at each other, and the only inte & conversation they enjoy is by asi g each other what would hap- if they fell upon each other and conquer the fairest parts of Asia, had given the beslegers the strength to persist in their attacks on Constanti- after volley of stones. The behind earthworks &nd let loose volley Moham- medans charged the works with sticks, Al old Prophet = riot, and so do squashes and other -1 vegetables made for man. But what are all these things com- ecarth. them all? ‘Why don’t these people If they come here in any great numbers they will be always “Slaves, sons of dog: retorts the But what does the follower of a The Irish boss who 'Iorks the gang California by the droves and break the Hindu and no one prevents him from Iish to the Jehannum whence they Mohemmedan, frenzied with rage. I prophet care when there is blood to be observed to ‘his. friends: “They are as heads of Hindus who also have estab- having his fun. Great Is Californfa, sprang.” will spit in your food, so you can feel drawn from the worshipers of idols? fine a lot of lads as you could find any- lished themselves here. they cry, and Allah will never again Now, the Hindustan!s who are floake blessed.” Both sides had been soldiers and both where. And the way they handle the The true -disciple of Mohammed send an earthquake to destroy the ing into the country, both Hindu and In some mysterlous way a plece of had fought well and nobly under the Sikhs would be a credit to every one. thinks there is no country under equanimity of so just and so good & Mohammedan, have served the “Sirkar™ pork was flung into the Mohammedan Sirkar, but this was the first fight in In fact, were It not for their black heaven so blest as California. Here penple as the British Government 18 called, and camp. which their hearts were engaged. faces and their headpieces you might the sun shines with unremitting = “Shabash,” cries the Hindu, “this is some even still wear the uniform of Then the Mohammedans sallied forth. Stones and sticks. - think it “was Orange day ln the ould fervor the livelong ‘day, here the a fine countrv truly, for we can get the army. That has not made them “Allah—I{] Allah,” the muttered cry These were the weapons. country.” same kind of fruits flourish as in a chance to get at those pigs of Mo- brothers, though they have borne arms wailed out. That cry had helped to The Hindus {ntrenched themselves A Hindustan, here the sweet potato runs hammedans, who are the curse of the together. The Sikhs, who are warilke, kill in the days of long ago fought the In- vading Mohammedan; but, though the Mohammedans wers the victors, they nothing but & few bones and a hair two to tell that once there was & Hindu or & Mohammedan in the State of California. It has iong been & war of words. “There goes that dog of & Hindu. It vell for him that he has numbers him for he would soon be in Je- num,” sneers the Mohammedan. A pig 1= a more lovely a: gaze upon, eh, my brothe Mohammedan,” replies the Hindu. “Well, my brother, what is a Mo- hammedan but the son of a pig? Leave him alone. He is not worth the trouble of even belng looked st.” nople till that city wes In the grasp of the flery Mohammed: that fearful cry had waliled its way along the north- ern shores of Africa, had cheered the invaders of Spain acro-s the Straits of Gibraltar, and then through Spain, and it would have cheered them still far- ther on except for the defeat the “Be- lievers” suffered at the hands of Charles Martel on the plains of France. In California the cry was ral in a stage performance, but i bloody ferocity, and the Mohammedans rushed to the attack of the Hindus like s0 many flends unloosed from hell. They were forty to seventy. and when the defenses were oaptured there was a battle for life. For two hours the struggle lasted by and the combatants only parted through sheer exhaustion. No one interfered. ‘The Americans iked on and won- dered when the aff; ‘would be over. Blood was flo: freely, wounded men left the fight and lay on the ground, or bandaged up their hurts and cheered those still fighting with screams and threats. ‘When it was all over the combatants went back to their respective camps, each side feeling that & great moral victory had been vant of God” imagine that in & land ot ‘which he bad never heard, the “faith- ful" would be following his orders and crag! skulls of idol worshipers, and, whlt ‘'was. better still, where there would be none to tell them to call & halt. . o No vondor thcn thl followers of ‘the prophet Delleve they have discovered a terrestrial paradise, and are sending to far-off m for their compatriots to 3 pared to the inestimable boon of be- ing able to smash the head of a “dog of a Hindu” and not be sent to jail for the pleasurs! which 1s ruled by prophet, if a kind- ly disposed Mohammedan, to render & pleasing service thwacks an Armenian on t! outwitting him in & bargain some con- sular authority will make trouble. He cannot -even maltreat an unorthodox Christian without all Europe making nonsensical remonstrance. But in. happy California ‘he can pummel, thrash, almost murder an. idolnro\u fighting and killing, for a Mohamme- dan is never so happy as when he has sent some one who is not of his falth to the last home.” As for the Mohmmpflnn. he laughs at the Hindu. “Sons of dogs, thou wert born to be slaves, and think you, you piglings, because you have loft the land of the Padishah, that you shall be free? Never, by the beard of the Prophet. ‘We have always fought, but vou., you weaklings, yon laid down when we euno, and. then you laild down when e Belalts came, and you would not htutomdmnm‘r—l‘r swept past and over the Land of the Five Rivers, not settling till they reached the land in the south where: they founded their empire, with the capital at Delhl. Some of the Hindu women married the conquerors and & new caste sprung into existence. In no people is race hatred so streng. and the Government of India 18 eom- stantly on the alert fo prevent troubls between the Hindu and the Mohamme- dan. Stringent measures are takea to punish the guilty and thers is no es- B may pesos.