The San Francisco Call. Newspaper, September 25, 1904, Page 9

fter the Pienic. may hen he matter of that, it rained ¥ iember gpster salad, e to Igps I am, as a protest attempt to depre- There was an alr about you, a kind of if T may be permitted fora m t to express my feelings in French wh h was singularly attrac- tive whe remembered the affected manners of those Pharoah’s lean kine— the vicar's daughters. Perhaps it is un- fair to then biblical simile to Go justice t they filed but as nd mamma into rance, their f the rch and elbowed you away from that touching memor tablet to the lady who dled of swallowing a pin (the first recorde of appendicitis men- tioned in history). You will parden my feeble joke, but I am nervous ti morr I could not help feeling that Fate had @ealt somewhat hardly with you and ik in order to show my sympathy he least I could do was to tread on the skirt of the vicar's eldest daugh- 1 it came out at the hers at {5 the correct technical enable you, in the ensued and while the h her mouth full of g r best to qualify for » the one I have just inscription at the sarhe homage, you as a to-day I may b2 compli- d the to see at respectful not look upon here re on a from fits clumsi ned I am to suce garded as a lish Can- mit you rose, that you dear tady, perfume which emanates e flov when the ; of the bud be “nipped b es our English bard so X puts it. T felt & from you . ve smile that you rec- true intent was all for clumsy my of showing it, and I could not picturing to myself If in the 58 of your heart you could take on upon me how you would adorn and beautify and give a soul to the barren old house in which I dwell —alone! I impatiently await your answer to my preposal and in the meantime your deligh however method help have the or {o be y8ur very de- voted frie admirer, 2 THEROE. Dear Mr. Protheroe—Maidenly mod- € com: mit that 1 am hat surpried at the—the im- of the communication in 1 do me the honor to make your hand and heart. I think you will pardon the suggestion, proposal should have been first ssed to my mother, the head of the family. Thanking you for the compliment you have jxid me, I beg to subscribe myself, sincerely yours, ELEANOR SMITH. Two Days After the Picnic. Dear Miss Smith—I am plunged in despair. I 10t make anything of your or wishes on the subject. Iz unnerved. I must plead guilty to the charge of lmpetuosity—my feel- ings overcame my better judgment. I neant to beat about the bush, to re- mind you of what I said to you when you took shelter under my umbrella at the Penny Readings last winter, but such reminiscences, however delightful ,» seem a little cruel to recall to you if you cannot bring yourself to re- rocate the warm affection, respect, >nce and love with which you addre who is car answer to me have inspired me. Puny boys of twen- ty eneer at me for loving you. You must remember, my dear Miss , that T am forty. These extreme- ly young people never think of any one but themselves; they affect to deem it ridiculous that what they call “an bld buffer” like myself should presume to fall in love. But, my dear Miss Smith, there is another sense in which “buffer” may be used. In this primitive Wiit- shire village whereln we both dwell, I must confess that I find myself a little out of sympathy with the hustling, pushing woman who wants to/oust man from his proper place in the world. I am told by the economists that the question rights itself, but I have a dis- tinctive dislike to see a gentlewoman enter the marketplace to earn the bread which she should not have to earn. In my somewhat old-fashioned theories of life, it seems to me that a man should act as & buffer between poverty and the woman he loves. I do not know whether you are aware that by the recent death of an uncle— he has pretended to die once every year for the last decade and was at last taken by surprise—I have In- herited a comfortable fortune, and, if A-Huaicl Sorte - MIDDLE you will pardon my mentioning the matter, although I shall endeavor to do so as delicately as possible, I am HOMETOWN HAPPENINGS It is with the deepest regret that we learn that Mrs. Arthur Taylor fell off the woodshed the other day and came down kersmash on the fam- ily wheelbarrow and will be in bed for a week. The editor begs to acknowledge the receipt of seven large cucumbers from some unknown donor. Cucumbers have not the nutriment of beef, but we shall devour them with thankfulness. ‘While we were passing the residence of Mr. Charles Andrews the other day we noticed that he had nailed three new pickets on his fence. Charlie Is always in the lead where improve- ments are to be made, We have ‘read a three-act comedy written by Miss Bella Haynes, daugh- ter of our village blacksmith, and so far as we can judge it compares fa- vorably with anything written by Shakespeare. She desires us to say that there is not a swear word used in any act. In seeking to drive a hog out of her garden one day last week Mrs. John Stone stumbled over a summer squash and knocked out three of her teeth against a rock. She has a beautiful lisp as a result, but she says she shall have new teeth as soon as possible. ‘We congratulate her that she did not ~ .of- break her double chin at the same ‘time. ¥ No'onle can’tell what willlhap- pen when a hog gets to rooting in a garden. B . Mrs. Harry' Johnson gave an. ice .cream’party on hey lawn last Friday evening; and she so sweetly:and earn- estly .appealed .to us that.we.ate<two dishes ,and drank a glass of butter- ‘milk besides. It;is-on such occasions that an editor feels that he 'stands at the head of . all ‘professions. A It has been remarked in certain cir- cles that our wife does the family washing and splits- most of the wood and that we are not a considerate hus- band. It is our wife’s choice to do these things from an athletic point of view and people who gossip should be in better business. We understand that Mrs. Carter -AGED - LoVE- LETTERS G B-BURGIN ccnscious that, owing to the improvi- dence of others, you and your mother are sometimes hard put to it to appear Burlingham, who is generally known as the poetess of Hometown, has had three offers of marriage within the last twelve months, but that she pre- fers her parrot and poetry to any man. Her verses entitled “The Re- flective Cow” will probably result in further offers, Mr. Abel White, the go-ahead village carpenter, informs: us that at least three mew woodsheds and forty rods of sidewalk will be built in Hometown this fall, and ‘that he looks to see plenty of money in circulation. The story around town that Mr. Homer Davis, the popular grocer, re- fused to trust us for a quart of kero- sene is a canard invented by our enemies to injure our financial stand- ing. Our credit at Davis’ 1s good for _a,whole.‘gallon. any day, and people ‘who are circulating canards had bet- ster look out. There is some:talk of running us for Mayor of the tgwn next year. In fact, ,we have been asked to take the nomi- nation, and certain of our friends de- ;clare that we would have a walkover. . We are thinking of the matter. We feel that we have the necessary mod- ‘esty. and ability, but whether we can raise a new stiit of clothes within the : next’ twelve months is another ques- tion. —_— Mrs. Gordon Harper, who stepped on an old table fork one day last week while going barefooted in the back yard and who has been threatened with lockjaw, is now much better and wishes us to thank the numerous in- quirers after her health. It will re- membered that she broke her big toe about this time last year by Licking at a dog and hitting the bouse. in our little community as true gentle- wemen like yourselves should appear. I am afraid you will be angry with me for what I am -about to say, but, in Jjustice to myself and to you, it must be said. Whether.you are able to love me or not, I wish to settle upon you, as a mark of my affection and love, a small annuity which will henceforth render you secure from “the slings and arrows of outrageous”—vicar's daugh- ters, because you appear in . poplin when they don silk. It will pain and distress me very much if you are of- ferded’ at my wishihg to do this; but consider. ' You are very ,dear to me. The fact of my not being dear to you ought not’to make any difference in my desire to see the woman I love sheltered from’ adversity. It would be gross selfishness on my part, should you not care to link your lot with mine, to become indifferent to your fu- ture, and I feel sure you will under- stand my motive in thus putting the > case clearly to you. When I have ascertained your feelings I will at once communicate with your honored mother. May I implore you to put me out of my suspense? The bearer awalts an answer. With - profound admiration and respect, your must devoted friend and admirer, JERMYN PROTHEROE. Dear Mr. Protheroe: I fear that I have not made my meaning quite clear to you. Let me first thank you for your manly and thoughtful letter, the contents of which I have communi- cated to mamma. I fear that I was somewhat disingenuous when she asked, “Why wasn't I told?” I ex- plained that until you had declared the state of your affections, there was really nothing to tell, and that mald- enly delicacy forbade my entertaining even to myself the question of whether . you loved me.’ I could not answer your \letter until this. morning, as it seemed somewhat indelicate to do so. Are you : quite—quite ' sure ‘that you are not rgiklnz a mistake? Sincerely yours, ELEANOR SMITH. Three Days After the Picnic. ¥ My Dear Miss Smith (If I may be'al- lowad to call you so): I am not mak- ing a mistake. I haven't slept a wink all night.. You can judge the state of my feelings for you when I tell you thatI came down to breakfast this morning and found mushrooms on the table. I left them there. I do notmind confessing to you that I am extremely partial to this fungoid delicacy. When I sniffed their appetizing odor I felt are not to be desplsed. 1 D £ bountitully to those m omms, ¢ surrounded by thin slices of delicate Wiitshire bacon, thought you—how cha d be to s you at the oth 1y desol breakfast - table, stead of my blind” old’ Mrs. thou, & that I ill T touch Doctor Had- that 1. 1t was t Mrs. a8 mu Purvis; hroom u my 8he said should she g I was so. I don, and seem o5 had happier it would r ts sudde se mush s th to eat eating them n elf; and I could not touch them, I assure you this was the reason. The after-eifec and raspberry at the vicar's picnic had not do with #. I have lived through that annual picnic £ the mayonna for twenty" year: t times, with diffi- culty; but I have survived it until now, and ct to live through it for another twenty years if—if you will help me to «do so. It all comes back to that. Here am I, a selfish, lonely bachelor, living in this great house with no one to sympathize with me, to cheer_me when I feel dull, to change my somewhat material outlook on life, to make me feel as the late Lord Byron writes: *Tis sweet to know there is an eye Will mark our coming and grow brighter when we coma, Will you allow me to cherish the hope that your eye will, if pessible, grow brighter than it now is, when I call to recelve my answer? Your faithful and most devoted admirer, JERMYN PROTHEROE. Dear but impetuous Mr. Pretheroe— You really must not call. - Mamma has not yet become reconciled to the—the —the possibility. TYours very, very sincerely, ELEANOR SMITH. Four Days After the Plcnio. My Dearest Eleanor: As long as you are reconciled to it I care net. I shall go mad if I do not hear my fate from your ewn falr lips. I cannet eat, sleep, think, do anything. I assure you that if my suspense is not ended immediately I shall become a wreck. Please answer by bearer whether I There, you see! -may have the supreme happiness of walting en you at once. Your devot- ed lover, JERMYN PROTHEROE. My Dear Mr. Protherce: Mamma will be much pleased if you will do us the honor to join us at supper to- morrow evening. Yours mest sincere~ ly, ELEANOR SMITH. (Mr. Jermyn Protheroe to Miss Elea« nor ;Smith.) May I come to-night? I shall be- come a gibbering maniac if this sus- pense continues. A fifth day of it will kill me. Only one kind word te say I may come! B (Miss Eleanor SmitA to Mr. Jermyn Protheroe.) “yes” (Copyright o tha United Staten)