The San Francisco Call. Newspaper, November 22, 1903, Page 14

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14 THE SUNDAY CALL. RecoL o+ THE SUN-HISSED LAND. This Is the Tenth of These } Before ized there and for rity stant and ama- tiful as frogs in fort was as clever walked the nowned Wash- clever actress. A proved an excel- actor—he has since gained fame and fortune in New York as the author of “My Friend from India,” “The Men from Mexico,” and other dramatic successes. Murat Masterson not only was an artist with the brush, but he played Joseph in Richelleu, and Damon in Damon and Pythias, and the violin, and the Oasis saloon with equal success. He was & many sided genius, for he had been first officer of a Confederate cruiser, bed taught mathematics in a Kentucky scademy, and was a leading lawyer in Arizona and a member of the Legisla- ture. The best furniture and draperies and Dbric-a-b of Prescott houses sdorned the stage on occasions, and when we needed a Cardinal's guard for Riche- lieu we had at our service & company of real soldlers from Fort Whipple, who dropped to their knees like hot potatoes when his Eminence pronounced the curse of Rome. 1 was stage manager, and it is my proud boast that I kept the company together in perfect harmony with one exception during fourteen consecutive weekly per- formances, which included the dramas of Bulwer, Robertson, Sardou and Bouci- Shakespeare we did not attempt. ated presenting “Hamlet,” leman who was to delineate the melancholy Dane ipsisted upon intro- ducing some original features, which he claimed were justified by the text, such as & flute solo by Hamlet in the second signal service lent character act, accompanied by a terpsichorean divertisement. When we refused to allow him to have his way he grew insubordi- nate eft the company, with a threat to sk p the town and to begin his ca- reer by making a target of any gentle- man who should attempt the part of Hamlet in his place. As nobody became a ing mark for him we substituted “East Lynne.” I had a large extension bed-chalr in my office, which at night was occupled as a couch by our clerk. This was carried over to be used as a bed for little Willle when in the last act he passes in his checks. The part of Willlam was taken by a 5 year-old girl, who was one of our “troupe.” The stage official who set the scene neglected to shoot the boit which kept the two ends of the chair in place, and when Mrs. Fitch, who played the Earl's daughter, threw herself in an agony of grief upon the couch of the dy- ing child the head and foot boards of the contrivance shut up with a click, like a country jackknife, and as the curtain went down there was visjble a pair of gaiters poised toward the cefling, while the dying child bowled, “Let me out; let me out!” It is only a fair tribute to the histrionic powers of the actress to relate that when the tangle was unraveled, the bedstead restored and the curtain raised the roar of laughter which greeted the catastrophe was hushed to respectfyl silence, and the scene was duly finished amid the tears and cheers of the audience. e e Let not distinguished counsel from East. ern or Western cities sneer at any Terri- € LECTIONS™Y torial bar or bench. The Illllluon—lu.crl,- tive to lawyers—which attends upon rich mineral discoveries often tempts the keen- est intellects to the frontler forum. There were large fees pald to a torneys In Arizona in former years, and there was an able a bench as could be found In any Eastern city. Judge Charles A. Tweed —dead now, of course; it seems to me sometimes is if everybody who is anybody is dead— was a jurist, a philosopher and a wag. On one occasion & motion had been made before him to discharge from attachment a pair of valuable buggy mules and on the of the term it was argued at re him. The Judge was due to open court at Mineral Park, a hun- dred and forty miles distant. the follow- ing week. He was the possessor of a light ambulance which he used in traveling the circult; but he owned no horses, finding enient and economical to hire animals for each journey. ‘“Gentlemen.” said- the court, “this motion which you have so elaborately and ably presented will involve for its determination the ex- amination of a large number of author- ities, and I will not have time to look into them until after my return from Mineral Park. I will therefore take the motion under advisement until then. And, gen- tlemen,” said his Honor urbanely, “I un- derstand that you are both going to Mo- have County to attend cotrt. I will be glad to have you occupy seats in my am- bulance during the journey, and I sug- gest that it will promote both the ends of justice and our personal comfort if I also take the mules under advisement. day at length bef it more conv The court hears no objection. Mr. M., you represent the pla in this case and you are a native of Missouri and naturally understand the needs and char- acteristics of mules. I appoint you judi- cial equerry for the trip. Mr. F., your rotund form suggests famillarity with the good things of life and where to get them, I appoint you judicial commissary and re- mind you that we shall probably be obliged to camp out for one or two nights, and that the water to be obtained is not good. Is that all satisfactory?’ “‘Quite so. The mules will, I am sure, enjoy the trip. Mr. Sheriff, adjourn court to meet next Monday at Mineral Park.” Chief Justice French was a learned and able lawyer, who possessed a private for- tune and who accepted the positien of judge because he liked the work. He was not in the least taciturn andswas not dis- posed to sit mum-chance and allow the lawyers to do all the talking. He would “chip in” and participate in any discus- sion before him with questions and dis- sertations and side-bar remarks, and if the case at bar did not offer opportunities for him he would refer to some other case. *Those lawyers who understood this idiosyncrasy of the Judge always hum- ored him, and listened patiently until he was through, and then proceeded with the trial of the pending case. But there was one member of his bar who was annoyed at this habit of the Judge and who determined to express his objections at the first opportunity. One warm afternoon in August, when the val- ley of the Gila was seething and all the idlers in Florence were sweltering under the shade of the dirt-roofed plazza which surrounded the old adobe building which served for a courthouse, this gentleman, who was employed for the defendant in a noted divorce case, was contending be- fore Judge French that the rule of law that the residence of the husband is the residence of the wife did not prevail in an action for divorce brought by a non-resi- dent wife against a resident husband. Counsel paused for a moment in his ar- gument to pour for himself a glass of water. “Mr. Blair,” said the court, “I am satisfied that the decision of the Supreme Court of California is not law; I am sat- isfied that in an indictment for stealing bulllion from a mining company it is not necessary to state whether the company is a corporation or an individual—go on, Mr. Blair.” The counsel stood quietly and recelved the interruptiong The re- marks of his Honor referred to a bullion stealing case in the trial of which Mr. Blair bad participated a week previous. In that case he had vainly endeavored to procure & dismissal of the indictment on the ground now referred to by Judge French, but the jury had subsequently acquitted the defendant and the case was at an end. “Go on with your argument, Mr. Blair,” sald the Judge. “If your Honor pleases,” sald Blalr, ‘T know that the statute provides that nelth- er party shall be allowed to testify as to verbal declarations made by the other party where the other party is dead, but I submit that the statute does not apply te cases where the pleadings are verifiad and one of the parties dles during the trial.” Mr. Blair's argument was with reference to an action concerning a farm which had been tried a month before and in which action the plaintiff died while the case was on trial. “Your Honor will pardon me,” said Mr. Blair, “for this di- gression, but since the case at bar seems not to interest your Honor I thought while we were reviving old cases I might with advantage offer a few remarks on this most interesting question.” “The court accepts your explanation, Mr. Blair,” said Judge French, “and does not wish to interrupt you. Indeed, you are throwing about as much light upon the case at bar now as you were when the court interrupted your original argu- ment.” e L) “Mr. Blank,” sald Judge Tweed, “this is the time appointed for sentencing Pat- rick ‘Brunagan, who has been convicted of housebreaking. His counsel, I learn, is ill. Will you please appear for the de- fendant, for the purpose of receiving sentence?’ Mr. Blank signified his ao- ceptance of the duty required of him. “Patrick Brunagan,” sald his Honor, “stand up and recelve your sentence.” Brunagan, who was a little measly Irish- man, with mutton-chop whiskers and one bad eye, turned deprecatingly toward the counsel appointed for the nonce. “Mr. Blank,” sald he, “I'm not feeling very well this morning. Won't you plaze stand up and recelve my sintence for me?"” Judge J. B. Southard, famillarly known as “Ben Southard,” was a hater of shams. A pretentious Arizona jurist, who owed his elevation to the bench to his cousin- ship to a President's wife, was one day vaunting his own character and career before Ben Southard. *“I made it a rule,” said the boaster, “when I was on the bench, never to know a friend from an enemy. I would decide a case in favor of an enemy and against a friend just as soon as I would the other way.” ‘“That was my rule exactly,” replied Ben. “But when my enemy swore one way and my friend another, I always belleved my friend.” “Prisoner,” sald Judge Southard to a culprit who stood trembling before him, “you have pleaded gullty to the charge of bigamy. Who Is twice married is twice punished. This court will let you off with one hour's imprisonment and one dollar fine.” “When I lived in Sonoma County,” sald the Judge, “I expounded religion. I used to hold court on week days and preach on Sundays. I found an old vol- ume of the sermons of Henry Ward Beecher — the grandest man that ever lived — and I took the pains to commit them to memory and I used to preach them to my congregation, and those Yahoos would go to sleep under them, and when I preached a sermon of my own composition they would snivel and howl and cry Amen. Well, that let me out. I threw up my job as a preacher and never took it up again.” Judge Southard’s death was as genial and as filled with good fellowship as his life. He was seated on the hotel plazza at Santa Rosa conversing with some friends. Suddenly he sprang to his feet. “‘Good-by, boy sald he, “I'm oft.” And ke dropped lifeless at their feet. “By what right,”” asked Chief Justice French of an aspirant for admission to the bar, “does the Arizona Legislature enact laws?” “By the right,” replied the aspirant, confidently, “of eminent do- main.” " ————— Clothes for Modern Man. It may be stated that no society man is properly equipped for the business and pleasure of modern life without at least seven different suits in his wardrobe, bath- robe and pajamas not included. For the morning sports, whether 1t is a ride or an hour on the links, or even a bicycle spin, a particular suit is required. No well meaning man will ride in the park these winter mornings except in his doeskin trousers, his short, natty jacket, his ac- curate derby and gloves. Nor will he either bicycle or golf without incasing his calves in Scotch hose, his thighs in strik- ing plaids from the same canny country and with broad eaved cap of a stuff matching his jaunty jacket. The day thus auspiciously and correctly begun draws to the business hours, and for this insistent period the dress which varies only htly from year to year and from season to season must be donned. The sack suit 1s the American’'s {deal of comfortable wear for business It happens to be a double-breasted sack with two rows of three buttons each at the moment. Next year it may be a double- breasted sack with but one row of but- tons, but while thése changes are of vast importance to the correct dresser they do not interfere with the broad principle that a short coat without tails is the business man's choice. Detalls may be left to the nine tailors who are required, according to the adage, to make a man. But suppose a man has accepted an in- vitation to take luncheon with a party at one of the fashionable restaurants. The hour is set for half past 1, and in order to dress correctly for that function, unconventiona¥ though it may be, the proper thing for him to do is to return to his rooms (we are just beginning to call them Cthambers) and make a new toilet. He then dons that peculiarly American garment calied indifferently ‘“‘morning coat” and “cutaway.” With this he must not wear the comfortable soft bosomed ehirt which goes so well with the sack suit, but don a pretty percale or any other starched shirt that is not plain white. The ‘“spotless expanse of linen” belongs nowadays exclusively with the evening suit. Trousers of cassimere, or NoREFLECTIONS StIfioMas FrreH. any of the strong imported weaves, form a part of the correct morning dress. A change of coat is practically all that is necessary when an afternoon call or & “5 o'clock™ is to be the next ceremony. This is the frock coat, which is called Prince Albert with persistence, probably for the reason that Prince Albert, consort of the late Queen Victoria, never wore a garment at all like {t. These coats are sometimes longer in the skirt than at other seasons; one year they show the silk lining on the lapels, another year this is cut out by the talles, but a who does not aspire to lead ean frock coat for many ssascns tracting comment, The same remark has been made of evening suit, but it A i I cut of that garment, alterations pels, its binding, tons may be, as they slight from year to year, b THE REDEMPTION OF A BLACHK SHEEP. B - OUNG Willlam Binks was engaged | in giving a close and persistent im- itation of the black sheep of the Binks family. Black sheep, from the time of the late but not par- ticularly lamented Cain down to the more recent but not more lamented Willlam, have had many specialties. Some are de- voted to the grand old art of internal ir- rigation; some amuse themselves by shooting their fellow men full of large, impressive holes and relieving him of his available supply of cash assets, and some write historical novels. Willlam's partic- ular penchant was an addiction to vari- ous and sundry occupations humorously called games of chance—by the dealer be- cause of the chance that some one.may get tired and quit before his money is all gone—and devised for the special pur- pose of tulfilling the anclent saying anent the ultimate separation of nine-tenths of the human race from their coin. ‘When other young men who were a source of pride and income to their loving families were busy marking down the prices on bargains from 75 to 74 per cent profit or assisting in gathering the annual clip of lambs’ wool in Wall street, he was watching the bay pony with a hundred and twenty-five pounds and $I5 of Wil- liam’'s money up making a'last despair- ing effort to get in before the next race ‘was started, or computing the chances of filling & straight from both ends and the middle. . It is needless to say that Willlam was a great trial to his father, likewise to his mother, his sister and the police magis- trates. In fact, Willlam participated in a trial of some sort about every other week. There were few ways of prevent- ing his aged parent from giving a dem- onstration of the surpassing ease with Fable for the Fgolish. — for Willlam. The author of his being, who had been tempted often to dispose of the copyright, had endeavored in many ways to wean him from his ways of sin, but without success. He had sent him to college, ‘where he might delve in ancient lore and hold communion with the spirits of the past. But the spirits with which Willlam held most frequent communion were of the vulgar present, although he was usually on hand when he thought that they were likely to be passed. This seem- ing paradox can be understood only by | those who are familiar with the ways— and means—of our institutions of learn- ing. William had acquired an extensive and valuable knowledge of anatomy from his study of bones and a wide acquaint- ance with royalty as depicted on the pasteboards with which he beguiled the weary hours. In other respects his col- lege course may be sald to have been more or less of a failure, and the upshot of it was the granting of an indefinite leave of absence by the faculty for ser- vices rendered—by the Deputy Sheriff. Despairing of seeing his son one of the leading intellectual luminaries of the day the old man decided to give him a chance to break into business. If he had locked the door and given him a jimmy the chances are that the boy would have land- ed on the Inside in record time, but Wil- llam was of too fine fiber to waste the precious hours of youth over a desk when there was any new way of losing money that he hadn't tried. His applications for a day off during the racing season ‘were as numerous as those of an experi- enced office boy with a large family of which an adult camel can pass through- aged relatives In poor health, and the the eye of a needle that he had not taken a fling at and the chances were good for the accomplishment of that desired end. His motto was that time honored remark of John J. Horace of the Sabine stock farm to the effect that it is exceedingly pleasant to act the fool in the proper place, and any old place was good enough only early bird that he ever imitated was the owl. Finally, after having paid Wil- liam about 150 per cent more than he had earned, his alleged employer was forced to forego the pleasure of his presence in the shop. In despair Willlam’s father summoned him into his presence and addressed him something after this manner. ‘“My son, your course of sin and unpaid bills is cal- culated to bring your aged parent’s gray hairs down in sorrow to the cold and silent grave, or at least to a forty-dollar- a-month flat. In childhood you were the light of my life and my hope for the future. Now it's my pocketbook that is light and unless some of my deals in futures go the right way it's likely to be a good deal lighter before the game is done. I have toiled early and late over the perspiring ticker in order that you might carry an honored name and a large bank account through life, and this is how you requite my loving labor. While I am going to and fro in the narrow little thoroughfare where the business of the world and the dear public are done dally you are idling away your time in abodes of sin, where the other man gets all the money and you get nothing but experience that is not negotiable. While I . have striven early and late selling Consolidated Hot Alr short and inducing my friends to buy long you have been wasting my substance in riotous living and you have not even acquired the habit of winning. “Unless you proceed to get busy in some game that nets you a larger propor- tion of negotiable assets per minute, I shall feel compelled to sever diplomatic relations with you and push you out into the cold, cold world to du others as you have done me.” The general effect of these few words upon the wily Willlam can be compared only to the feeling induced by the sudden precipftation of a large, adult icicle down the back of the average human neck on a cold day. He was dazed for a time. Then he gathered a few of his wits to- gether and cast a cursory—not to say pro- fane—glance around him. As nearly as he could figure it out the difference be- tween the operations of himself and his venerable parent on his father's side con- sisted in the fact that he put up cash and picked the long odds on the chance that the rest of the fleld would fall dead in the stretch while his parent aforesaid never put up anything more promise to pay if the Deputy Sheri® could catch him before the steamer chose only the events that he beforehand. When he got home he found Just coming in from the regular bi-weekly free-for-all euchre in ald of the Soclety When he questioned them as to the es- sential differences between their charita- ble works and what is known as gambling he was informed by his mother that the saving point in a charitable euchre was that no one could evef make any use of the prize and no one who played as fairly as she did could hope to win any Wway. From his sister he learned that there was no gambling about a church fair because it was a lead pipe cinch that every man there paid ten tiaes as much for the arfi- cles that he got away with as they were worth, ‘When these few impressions had had time to soak into his system thoroughly Willlam came to the conclusion that the sin of gambling lay in the imminent dead- ly danger of putting your money on the wrong horse. When you knew how the deal was going to turn out it was a busi- ness investment. Thereupon he made up what was left of his mind and went forth to form a trust for the manufacture of golf balls. When his father heard the glad news he bowed his gray head and wept for joy at the sight of the prodigal returned to a safe and profitable business, and forthwith took him into partnership and showed him how he could make twice as much money in half the time in a graft as g(u)lit-edged as a Government contract. As a result of our careful study of the case of Willlam it is respectfully submit- ted to all prodigal sons, black sheep and other small dealers that the American Association for the Promotion of Knock- kneed Aphorisms prevents all self respect- ing union rules from working both ways— it at all-and that what is sauce for the goose is likely to be caviare for the gam der. (Copyright, 1903, by Albeyt Britt.)

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