The San Francisco Call. Newspaper, September 6, 1903, Page 11

THE SUNDAY CALL, 11 = are widows and widows, ana ‘Colonel, to be Mayor of f you have the nerve to the widows before- being in' a type of her- two have had S, C y let others w of it, and lly threateni who when death ppings granting the i to the world draped woe, and e = p s of the dear r and had . f b T b t b g o » bat a ar o of respect to the = of the hose name she H nd no ter what his faults may » been, the grave must bury them with him forever. The average woman who has any sense © of things is naturally shocked at the first realization that death b as struck so near. Even if she has no e Z oy o sy e B THE GIRL BEZEZS AZERIIZ g THLLST W7 & 22252 Ccozz o love In her heart for her husband, the very fact of the relationship they have borne one another invests the situation with a certain element of sentiment that touches deép into all that is best in her nature. She may have In the bitterness of wounded pride sald a hundred times XN FABLES FOR | THE FOOLISH ETRENUOUS HUSTLETON was born & poor but hope- ful young man. That was ® very considerate of him. If be had been born old, or rich, tmistic, life would not have been the ehining 18-karat lesson that it Strenuous, as we have ob- served, was born young, therefore he had room to grow; he was poor, therefore he bad to get out and stir around or starve to death; he was hopeful, there- fore it would take him & long time to discover that he had been licked and was supposed to be dead. The conditions of - — Literary Furor?| Well Rather! | EEW.TOWNSEND the Famous Author of Chimmie Fadden Will Make His Debutasa Writer in Ghe Sunday Call September 20. -— — his birth and early life having been as we have stated, more or less, it will not surprise any one to learn that while still a youth he seriously contemplated the reformation of the world. The first words baby lips uttered were, ‘‘Rattle, rev- e and reform.” The logical connection hree ideas is apparent to all who ived in New York City. Nothing less than a complete recon- struction of soclety would satisfy him. We have all felt that way at times, but, fortunately for the world, we have to knock off our contemplations and go out and earn the price of three square meals and a place to lay our heads. If we could all h and good natured at the same time we'd be walking all over each other in our Christlan endeavor ‘o send the old scheme of things to the dust heap and lay out a brand new soclety fresh from the press. W. Strenuous had the philanthropic fever and he had it extra hard. As he gayly pushed his plow athwart the stub- born glebe or dallied with the imminent deadly brush scythe he pondered the welghty problem of setting the sinful race of man on the right road to happiness and prosperity, world without end, amen. This was comparatively easy for him, his glant intellect being equipped with a com- pound condensing, self-lubricating, pon- dering attachment. The sun rose and then set as is its peaceful wont, but W. $trenuous Hustleton went on with bhis plan for the universal redemption of the race of man, up to and Including the enal operators. For the special benefit of the latter he Included in his layout an extra large hickory club and a home-made woolen sock with a low browed vitrified brick carefully concealed in the south- east corner of the light fantastic toe. e would become rich to begin with, Mod- est youth! Most of us are lucky if we can end that way, and mighty fow of us are ever lucky. Then when he had scquired & modest competence of half a million & year, with a steam yacht and e black and tan automobile on the side (that's the way automobiles spend most » of their time, according to the reports ta the newspapers), he would settle down to a canter and begin to pass the long green around among those whom the lightning had falled to strike, He had noticed among other things that labor and capital were not on the best of terms; apparently they had never been introduced. Whenever there was an ex- tra large pot to divide the horny-handed son of toil would get a Baturday after- noon off for a month while the hot weather lasted and a large wad of good advice about taking care of the pennies, because he would never have anything larger to look after; while the lily-fin- gered sclon of a degenerate aristocracy would walk off with the surplus and the accumulated dividends. According to W. Strenuous this was unjust, although quite in accordance with Scripture and the teachings of Mr. Baer of the late firm of Grin, Baerit & Co. W. Btrenuous would order things quite differently. He be- Heved that the laborer was worthy of his bire, and the higher the better. When he should take hold of the reins of power and put his feet on the dashboard he in- tended to see to it that there should be enough to go around twice and lap over half way. Hunger should be unknown except at the table of the poor, dyspeptic millionaire, and grim-visaged care should pass away except from those who had trouble in reinvesting their income. Btrikes should be as infrequent under W. Strenuous’ beneficent regime a3 in a 2t :(%”r/{;/: b THEGICE ~ O \ TE O »'\\ \ Cezrr i g s (N By Nicholas Nemo Klondike mining camp or with a twirler of the sacred sphere of Andy Freeman's late alleged baseball team, He had it all planned to a frassle how be would spread the glorious mantle of 28 & on earth, good will to men—and of the women—over the struggling and tuck it in at the corners. Each nonest toller—this would bar A i peace o8t rid cottage with & rose bush and an alr of respectabllity in the front yard and a doghouse in the back. There should be and clubs—not stuffed—and hos- pitals, and pensions on the half-shell, and yest rooms for the mules in the coal mines, and perhaps straitjackets for the mules who own them. Any man caught working over eight hours a day was to be fired on the spot; if the spot wasn't big enough another could be ordered at once at the expense of the company. Then should be realized that glorious future of which the great poet Woodyard Kindling An expert gatherer ean gather from these few remarks that W. Strenuous only need half a chance to make the sage of Skibo or the time-worn tofler of Tarrytown look lixe the change for a lead nickel. At this point in our thrilling drama the audience is expected to go out and gaze at the atmosphere some thirty-five years while our hero is sitting up nights with the convenient but e.sy goose that laid the steel rail and Ltandard Ofl eggs. It 1 lleged by some envious ones, who couldn't tell & goose from a lamb if they saw them together on Wall street, that goose 13 only another rame for those of BY(1OLONEL that she wished he were dead, but when the dreary summons finally comes she remembers only the good and the days they went a-woolng in the gloaming. And this is where death is merciful to the llving, tender to the dead. Then comes the period of reaction from the shock. At first she may be either sorrowful, remorseful, or relleved; at any Tate, the death and attending scenes have had a more or less depressing and ennob- ling effect. If the woman has really lovcd her hus- band she is heartbroken and thinks she cannot live without him, and the period of loneliness that follows has a wonder- fully subduing influence. If she has not loved him she is, in & measure, dazed by the shock that brings relief. In any event, the awful yisitation has a numbing sense through h the woman's character un- dergoes § radical change. The widow is essentially different from the maid or wife, both in personality and in characteristics. Then follows the sense of freedom and independence when it slowly dawns upon her that she is freel If she be a mother, the realization tends to strengthen the character. If she is alone, its effects are too many and too varied to be enumer- ated, and then develops the type of widow, The dashing type has plenty of money, dresses elegantly, and as soon as formal- ities allow begins to entertain. If she was attractive as a girl she is doubly so in her robes of black. She is always well groomed, and soon has a string of idlers, otherwise known as “men of leisure,” dangling In her train, and if she is worth the price her wooers-are ardent and un- flagging in devotion. She has a large dash of the real sport and falrly sighs for a man's devotion while catering to his habits. She cultivates his tastes and makes her- self generally companionable. Then she acquires the chafing dish habit. Knowing that the way to & man's heart is down the throat, and there are precous few men who can resist the combined allure- ments of the widow and the chafing dish. In fact, there is something uncanny In THLE RISEG T = ;.’ Ly G o) AN 259 LEFOIOA us who eat and drink and wear ready- made clothing and pay rent and buy hard coal. This is plainly a canard, for the reason that none of us is compelled to do these things if he doesn’t want to. He can emigrate to the Fiji Islands or to fair but final Greenwood. The next and last act shows W. Strenu- ous in the center of the stage with a cof- fee sack full of top-heavy greenbacks and a heart full of love—and suspiclon—for his fellow man. He is about to realize the dreams of his youth. Happy man to have something he can realize on! Imagine his surprise when he discovers on his first appearance in the title role of the mag- nificent spectacular drama of “Every Man His Own Santa Claus, or Employ- ers Made Easy,” that the house s packed to the doors with critics and grafters, each one armed with an ax and a basket. Before he’'d dodged half the axes or dropped so much as a ham sandwich in a quarter of the baskets he was begin- ning to scrape the bottom of his bag and wishing that he hadn’t come or had sent Mark Hanna or Mr. Perkins to take his place at the performance. ‘When he presented the hardy sons of toll with the aforementioned vine-clad cottage, with the rosebush and doghouse annex, they demanded American Beautles and a St. Bernard, with the license paid. They called for Morris chairs in the read- ing-rooms and free beer in the hospitals. The pension idea suited them down to the ground,but the walking delegates sug- gested that they be allowed to ladle it out at so much per ladle. They took to the eight-hour day fast emough, but In- sisted that it should not be connected with the payroll, on the principle, prob- ably, that a man should not let his left hand know what his right hand is doing. all in all, W. Strenuous was of the opin- fon that the cheerful but igmorant poet who sang: Man wants but lttle here below Had ffl the version wrong: It should be. Man wants all the show, And wants it for a song. the chafing dish when it becomes the ad- jutant of his royal majesty Cupld Then the widow who has social aspira= tions. She 1s of the ice mdchine type—cold and stately—and cultivates a bored expres- sion that would do justice to & trip-ham~ mer auger. She wants to figure as I'grande dame, and is so stately and cold that your fin- gers feel frostbitten whenever you shake hands with her. She is a stickler for good form, and wears an habitual papler mache smile and adopts & wax pose. She fairly aches to get into soclety, and feels deeply Injured that soclety ¢ ache to have her. She is of the sensitive, morbid type, that makes you feel that “poor Jones” made a lucky escape when he got his transfer to any other old place. Then the managing mother widows, whose stock In trade has precious financial capital, but who has one or pretty daugh hopes to launch successfully on the turbulent sea of matrimeny. The managing mother is alw dence, and in public is always make a dls of the af her “dear child” and herselt. ages to call the “dear” “my I AT that are often affectionate, and people kindred tender epithets, more ridiculous than which somehow do not impose she would wisk on an advantageous ndishments. e fancies of o has the teme-ity to brave She p! ve part by est kind teur detec! th who dares 4, and the on a ady dlet 1s fairly ready Bradstreet rating of the to aspire to her daughter's hed girl herself is nour of wordly wisdom Mo choke. If she rebels as girls have & way of re- beliing, maternal wrath falls with & dull, cold t at is paralyzing. The widow whd {s more attractive than ighters, and there are many such, guessing, and !t not 1 happens that young whom it was natural to supposs enam- ored of the daughter is found to be mad- ly infatuated with the mother. The mother of the day, either as wife or wid- ow, does not play the bass violin to her daughter’s charms. And then falls into line the pathetia little widow who is so younsg, so lonely and so fascinating. She is dainty from the ground up, and her soulful eyes play havoe o culine adjustment. One glance from such orbs has been known to cause fatal heart faflure. She cultivates & sweet pathetic little voice and manner of referring to “poor Jones,” that makes a fellow feel like taking her in his arms and petting her as he would a helpless child. She plays on the memory of poor Jones until she entangles the poor fellow’'s heart strings in all sorts of love-knotas. Now, poor Jones may have been the lovellest kind of fellow or he may not have been all that he should have been. t of chap he hap- a glory present adorer. She laments her loneliness in such & sweet, pathetie, child-llks way, that the man who listens env' tk his coffin for And she prates 3s must o a satisfac tory brand and almost wishes that he, too, were in cold storage if his widow would give him such a beautiful send off. Oh, the young and tender widow, with her pathetic, child-like ways and pleading eyes, could demoralize any in the masculine line from a ma. a rear admiral in all his gorgeous deco- rations, down to the cop on the corner or the messenger boy In brass buttons. And if she bemoans her loneliness she can marry anything unappropriated in the male line within sight. Young girls speculate tearfully en the widow's charm and spend sleepless nights guessing its source. The answer, In a nut-shell, lles In two words—worldly wis- dom. The widow has had experience, and this experfence has taught her “a thing os two,” as men say. In the first place she is older and has more tact. girl or the debutante The brusquerts of the school toned down, t at- and In its place is ty tracts by its cajolery or flattery A young girl cares little w pleases or not; she is more seifish. her she She wants a man to cater to her whims; the The widow caters to the man’'s whims. young girl 1s exacting: thé wid plaisant. The young girl is ab says what she thinks: the widow ful and alms to please. The you is easily shocked; the widow ca shocked—that is, a large and elega jority of them. In fact, the you is crude, the widow the rectifled And yet, despite all we might sa know nothing more of the widow than when we started out. Each and every one of her is a unique figure that carries about her an atmos- phere of her own. ‘Women never will understand her, and the man who thinks he does—well, he often wakes up with an awful shock. THE FALL OF A PHILANTHROPIST | Having come to this sensible conclusion he sadly folded up his plans for the refor- mation of everything in sight and laid them away with David B. Hill's ehances for the Presidency and other lost causes. He had discovered that the.e's many a slip ‘twixt milllonaire and the mille nium; he had learned also that wh money makes the mare go it works ferently with mules. s ADVERTISEMENTS. DR. CHARLES FLESH FOOD For the Form and Complexion. Has been sucoesse Wherever applied #t s imstantly abe sorbed through the pores of the skia, and its wondertul au- trition feeds the wasting tissues. Removing Pimples As if by magle, one application aftem showing bl improvement. DR. CHARLES FLESH FOOD Is positively the only preparation known to medical science that will round out hollows i the neck and produce firm, heaithy flesh on thin cheeks, arms and hands. FOR DEVELOPING "HE BUST Or breasts shrunken from nursing it has the Bighest indorsement of physicians. 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