The San Francisco Call. Newspaper, April 21, 1901, Page 9

THE SUNDAY CALL. The Old Balloonist Talks of Parachute JUmps in Early Daus low prices n ascent t gin work got above t make ut where hine al- en he let full view of the r h an ascen- was ad- rec- ty of its fourteen > exhibi- in va- ng Con- ng the sub- town own- s out every- Professor ht his wife the busi- big de the first u. Un- to the sharks who had gone pose of n by the bag out in a s ago ] Wel gh’c-Ga!n,:v. T < f Trenton, N. J., are @s over the remarkable , Ges who increased his’t vo days by buns. re fon a | Te was pic f dis- | were in tatters and he | th i to ed it all reckon I | but/I ¢n| I guess, tn | | ales he is. “Too light said the officer; n the forties nd skie reappeared at the | cing the picture of his stomach | ] ; Kk now,” he | - s » ross the room and | t ales. “The officer | I the 152-pound | | ded and searched | idden welghts, but “How did you manage | r Geskie answered; | hange my weight ever I went to a hotel an’ | ht three dozen cinna- | eat ‘em as fast as I could.” | Joseph Geskie was added | iteers, prietors Weizhed 1 Unim Pacific Railroad began its attempt to make the Great Salt Lake in Utah a popular in’ aside resort. All sorts of attractions were offered. Among them were various rorts of outdoor perform- arces of the kind made familiar by the circus My partner and T were doing a trapeze at the beach. One day as we sat at n a downtown restaurant my eve fell upon a big three-sheet poster an- nouncing the firet balloon ascensinn by the great Van Tassel at Garfield Beach on the following day. Parachute jumping was little known in those days. and we made merry over the impossibility of do- ing what was set forth on the poster. “At th table a man who seen terested in our comver- et forth some immense turr Tunch rext sat .. The bil sum that was to be paid the famous trav- cler of the air. and 1 remarked that I would he perfectiy o the for $100 were king on the beach the man we had scen in the rests anproached and be- king bali- He asked if T was red to make good the offer of the before. T was dec'dedly taken aback il n to stammer a reply. en ke xplined that he was Van that he ani his wife lived in r The engagement hail i¢ by telegraph and in the hurry of pa ng his canvass the balloon wusel by his wife had been substituted for his own. rclseo. been m: “You know that parachutes are of dif- ferent dimensions, .graded of according to the the perfcrmer. Hig wife : he weighed and to use her outfit was out of the question. He said he was to get $1200 for eight ascensions and if he could not get a substitute he would e to throw up the contract. He of- fered me $300 if T would go up the first two days, by which time he expected his balloon would arrive. “It is a peint of honor with show peoole to make good their little bluffs, and whila 1 was hesitating he k2nt shoving at me column after column cf newspaper clip- pings intended to prove that there was nothing dangerous about the leap. Tho upshot of it was that I tock him up, ani that afternoon I decked myself in my prettiest pair of tights, determined to dic beautifully if not bravely. “I must have shown something of my in- ward misgiving in my eve, as the pro- fessor gave me a last opportunity to back out. I was game, however, and let them tie the lifeline to me and graspad the bar in both hands. “The bag locked like a live monster as weight it tugged and leaped at its leash. It was a ninety-footer of the kind then made to rise with startling rapidity so that the jumper could get the most there was out of the spectacular part of it. My nerve almost failed me as the moments passed, and if they had not given the signal to let g0 when they did I wouid have ignomin- fously backed down. As it was, I was on the point of turning rcund to speak to Van Tassel when the jerk came. “I suppose it was a mere matter of in- stinct, but T followed the instructions to run a few steps and leap with the balloon in order to lessen the shock of the sud- den separation from the earth. My legs were through rope loops and the would have held me had unconsciousness come, but with the first wave of fright passed T actually bezan to enjoy myself. “I looked down and =ould see a wonder- ful panorama rapidly 1nfolding under me. I have seen the sa Hmai since, but a more novei my vision. Monntains seemed to be slow- 1y leveled and the waters of the laka gradually to spread over tce earth, thén rapidly to recede. I looked up and was shocked to find the balloon gone. Appar- ently T was suspended from nothing but a hundred feet of taut rope. In fact, *he bag had simply gone into a cloud and was out of sight. “The next instant I heard the signal shot from the professor’s revolver. My hand went out in search of® the cut-of rope. I clutched it, then I let it go again. My heart was in my throat. ‘Just one pull,’ said my brain. Again my hand went out. Again I hesitated. Only a little tug and thén, what? Well, if T had had any idea of how long it took the old style chute to open I would never have plucked up courage enough to pull that cord. My heart was beating a tattoo In my breast and it was about all that I could do to hold on. T cautiously tried the rope. It seemed to be working. Then I cut loose. “It was a clear drop of several hundred feet before there was any staying of the downward momentum. A sickness that seemed mortal possessed me. A drowning man, they say, sees his life pass before him in review. I saw nothing, I felt everything. My only recollection is of a horror, a terrible black shape crouching just above me. I did not even think to look at the chute. I simply held on and line me “h fell, fell. “Then just before unconsclousness came, just as I had made up my mind that the thud was coming the next mo- ment, I seemed to awake from a dream to find myself sailing slowly. oh. so slow- GRORCGIE EXPLAINS ROW PH SETTRED WITH (Copyright, 191, 8. 8. McClure Company.) HEN we mflo\?d Here Iast spring paw Got interested in the Lawn the first thing. Maw liked it Becoz one of the closets had a Windo, but paw sed the Thing that made hinr the Gladdest was the lawn, se*he bot A dollar and sixty Sents worth of clover seed, and was a- Going to make the Sod better, But me and Little albert Happened to Spill it in the Garbidge can. After that we filled the Bag with saw dust. The captun next Door has a little shop in his Back yard and he Let us have the Dust free., Paw sowed it the next Day land in About a munth He sed you woudn’t Hardly know it w the Saim grass. Last Saturday afternoon two big Horses that Belong to a Man that runs a Coal yard down by the Gas house got out of the stable sum way and Came gallopun along With their tales up and Looking over their Left shoulders till they Got to our bouse. Then they Trotted up on the Lawn, stepping pritty high, Like if they were Afrald they mite Get their feet wet, becoz it Had been raining a Lot lately and the Ground was all soft. Paw got Home a few minutes before it Happened, and when I went in the House to Tell him about It he called the Dawg and came Out without wajting to hunt for his Hat." It would of been easy enuft to Track the horses without Hunting around much for the sent. Wherever they rtept you Could of planted Things without hav- ing to_Dig. When the horses Saw paw they kicked up in Front and Then behind and Snorted a Few times to Sho that they were no Hard feelings on Their side, and then sur- ckled around till they Got our Lawn to Looking like a place where the Circus moved away from the Day before. Faw told the Dawg to Sickum, but the Dawg Seemed to Think we Were on Friendly relashens with the horses, so he scooted up on the portch with maw and Little albert and Uncle Ramsey. “They are only One thing T am thankfull for,” paw sed, After the Horses stopped Gallopun around and Got to waiting to See if paw was Going to take it as a Joke or not. “What's that?”’ Uncle Ramsey ast. “The man that Got me to Think it would be a good thing to have our Children gro up with 2 Dawg has the Tyfold fever,” paw told him. Before we Could think of ennything else to Do the man that Let the horses get away came on the Run. When they saw him they gave a few Jumps side ways on a patch of Grass that was nearly as Good as new, and then went around the corner ‘without Pretending to notus Him. “] want you to Settle for this,” paw Hollered at the man, but he was Too bizzy to Stop. After paw Got his hat maw sed: “Hurry rite after him now, and make the coal man pay for it.” Paw went out and Looked around the yard and then Came back and sed: “What's the use? You can’t make peeple pay for things if their horses run away unless You sue them, and a person That goes into Court is foolish if he Has right on his side.” “Yes,” maw told him, “and that's the Very man you paid a Dollar and sixty cents extra To last fall for carrying the Coal in from the street becoz you Didn't want him to spoil the Lawn by drivir over it. Haven't you enny manhood? That seemed to stir up the Sleeping lion in paw, and the more He thot about it The worse it Seemed to operate on His mind. But he went in the House and sat Down and sed: “I mustn‘t Go now. I never want to Do things when I am all Hot up. The best way is to always Cool off first. and Then you won't Do ennything rash on the Spur of the moment.” “That makes me Think of when T was at Spottsulvainey,” Uncle Ramsey told us. “If T would of waited till our captun sed to charge I wonldn't. of Been where the bullet flew that Took my laig off. So I've been Thankfull ever since becoz 1 lerned a grate lesson. Never try to Do things all of a Sudden if you find out afterwards that it would of been better to wait.” In a nour or two paw started down to THE COAL MAN see the coal man and me and Uncle Ram- sey went along. When we Got there paw told the coal man he would Haft to pay to Get the lawn fixt up. The coal man came out from behind his chebles and sed: “Say, you're the sixth man That's come in Hvra hollering about them horses, and I'm getting fatigged. Here's a quarter. Now, run around the Corner and Buy yourself sumthing.” Paw took the quarter and The first Thing enny of us new he Threw it in the Coal man's face. Then the coal man made a Rush at paw, and I don’t no just how it Happened, but the next Time I got a chance to leok the coal man was tumbulling backwards over a chair, and when he Got settled down in the corner of the offus he Stayed there quiet and peaceabull. But the Driver herd the Racket and Came tairing in From the yard and started for paw. I Was afrade paw was Going to get et up Then, becoz the Driver looked big and Hupgry. After they had nocked over a cupple of high stools and a Drop lite sum- thing happened to the Driver that I couldn’t culte see, and his hed struck against a corner of the Railing when he came down. It took the crowd nearly Five minutes to pull Uncle Ramsey loose from where he tried to Crawl under the Safe and Got his wocden Laig fast, but paw wouldn’t say a word all the way home. ¢ GEORGIE. 1y, it seemed. down to earth again, al- though really at the rate of 100 feet a sec- ond The change came so swiftly that it did pot seem real. “But there before me was the prettiest and most welcome sight T had ever seen— the lake, the mountains, human specks on the beach. Off to one side I saw the big balloon just t its drop. A minute I beach with a suddennes almost unconscious. the t e of boat- a half seo “The next momen men were pulling in m cial prize of $25 had € who picked me up if T I and the nearest man w ing to me to jump promising to divide of my new professor came up bes lations. It seems I had r ascension. While I whether to pull or n had followed the b: when I came d tumble from the cle “Since then I have made hu leaps. but T have mever entirely feeling of dread my journey & The ‘chutes in use now open almost at once after they are cut loose, and a man gets no such nervo ones with their gave. ““The descent formerly was too rapid for slow, calculatign, and no man could have the least sensibility of what was going on about him. He simply held on and hoped for the best. If the 'chute did not open he would never feel the impact with the earth. * He would be dead to all feeling long before he reached it. “Danger? No, not so very much. If a man kept his gear in good shape the *chute always opened have been killed by but it was because tHey their gear. “The cutting loose was done by a pair of knives placed like a scissors over the connecting rope between chute and bag, and if the lever did not work, all a man had to do was to walt until the air inside the bag cooled off and lost its hoi powers. Then the de perilous, because of the balloon’s weight, but not much, as the air generally held out till the earth was reach Severs its faflure to do so, ala not watch Somg Funng Ones. The girl at the stationery counter was (a!king to the rirl from the necktle count- “T always told him, T says, ‘Now look | here," I says. ‘what’s the use,’ I says, ‘of \xalklrg unless you've got something to say,’ I says. ‘T don't like to hear a man -=h00t|n off his m I says, ‘just to hear himself talk,’ T says. ‘Some people I says, ‘are built that way,’ I says, ‘and 1 stand and gab at you,” I says, ‘till after they got through,' I ‘you don’t after they got through,’ T you don't know what they've been gabbin’ about.’ I says. ‘I aln’t got any use, I says, ‘for those kind of people,” I says. ‘And what's more,’ I says, ‘I ain’t afrald to tell 'em 80, T say “What did he say to that?” “He didn’t ray anything—the slob! I didn’t give him a chance.”—Chicago Tri- bune. Senator Vest is older than his years in fact as well as in appearance. He is ill and despondent and refuses to take a cheerful view of life. N theles: mind is one of the brightest in the ate. One day he sank into his chair, say- ing to his neighbor: “I am an old man, and I'll never get ver this.” “Come, come, Vest, brace up,” replied his nelgh- bor; Look at Morrill over there: he's nearly and is as spry as a man of 4. ‘“Morr Morrill!" sald Vest. “He's set for etern They'll have to shoot him on the day of judgment.”—Harper's Weekly. —_——————— Teacher—Thomas, what are speech?” Tommy Tucker (after an exhaustive mental effort)—It's the way a man talks “brace up, and you'll be all right. 90 ‘parts of when he stutters.—C 3 GUY AND Guy and a Quiet Gazabe born nigh unto Each d 2s they Grew Up and waxed the Wise Guy developed a to Talk. Yea, wverily, his vas Eloquent and full of Ver- bosity; but Wise Men wagged: their beards and said that it was full of Nothing Else. But the Quict Gazabe kept his tongue strictly at Home. His eyes ed overtime, but his tongue was rennially on a Vacation. “Ho! ho!” laughed the Wise Guy, “Thou wilt never win a Punched Nickel in this World! Thou art Too Eas rong desire speech pe But the Quiet Gazabe peace. held his i QUIET GflZflBE- Now there dwelt in that country a Maiden with Golden Hair and a Gib- son Nose. “Of a truth!” boasted the Wise Guy, “this Maiden Looketh Good is Jle! Lo! I shall Cop her from the Bunch and start her to Frying Ham in my Back Parlor ere the Moon wax old again! for do I not need another HalfP Yea, verily!” And the Quiet Gazabs heard but said naught; yet did he saw exceed- ing Muck Wood. So it Fell out that when a few weeks later the Wise Guy asked for the Maiden’s Mitt he was presented with a Pretty Card heving Beveled Edg:s and a Cute Look; also there were divers inscriptions t.hereou set- ting forth the Engagement of ths Fair Maiden to the Quiet Gazabe. And the Wise Guy lifted up his Voice in Bitter Lamentation; yea, he wept Many Weeps and marveled greatly how it Happened. And it came to Pass that the Quiet Gagabe prospered and waxed rich; while the Wise Guy borrowed divers and many Williams from his friends. Then came the Wise Guy to the Quiet Gazabe; saying, “Tell me, I pray thes, how it is that thou art lucky; and I the Vie- tim of a Perpetual Hoodoo?” ““O friend,” said the Quiet Gazabe, “thou art a Chump that thou sesst it not! The reason is Most Simple. When thou hast a Scheme in Mind, thy Mouth giveth it away. Where- fore men beat thee out of it! “But I, when I think up a Good Thing, cork up my mouth and Look Sad; wherefore I reap Much Dough— for No Man knoweth my Graft!” Then he went his way; and the Wise Guy rubbed his Head and Thought Things. “0f a truth,” said he, “I thought my Smooth Tongue was my Best As- set! when lo! it was my Worst Ene- my!” and he sware and Cursed ex- ceeding Hard. Moral: He is wise of a Truth who knoweth when to hold his Tongue. Encore: A man’s brain dwelleth not in his Tongue. And Verily: Keep thine eye on the Quiet Man. What he saith not ke maketh up in thinking. £ i 4 R B S nERRRRRRE RRK (Copyright, 1901, by A. J. Moore.) NR A. ESOP’S ]FABILES UP '1]"0 DAT\E R R R B S T A . THE PRODIGAL YOUNG MAN |ND RIS DAD- YOUNG MAN who regarded himself as the Smoothest thing l?‘ t Ever was possessed of a Rich Dad. Now the Young Man bad been ‘reared in the lap of Luxury and he knew not how it feeleth to chase thy hand into thy Pocket and find naught but an Aching Void and a Rabbit’s Foot. - So the Young Man grew blase (which meaneth that his brain Dried Up, even as a Shriveled ‘Walnut) and he smoked divers and many Cigar- ettes and sought the company of Sou- brettes and Chorus Girls; also he called his Rich Dad “The Old Man" and drank Much Wine. Yea, verily, he was Quite Swift. And it came to Pass that he had 2 Row with the Author of His Being. “My Son,” said the Author, gently, “of a verity, thou art Too Gay! Ring 0ff, 0 Offspring, and give thy Gray Matter a chance to develop some!” Then did the Young Man Wax Wroth, and he handed forth a Hot One to the 0ld Guy, saying: “Go to! Thou art Old and Foolish and thou walkest in thy Sleep! Yea, of a Truth thou hast Pigeons in thy Loft! and as a Swell Ancestor thoa art a Rank Fake! Also, I need there rot in my Business, for lo! I am a Hot Sister and Exceeding Wise!”” Then the Old Gent promulgated a Dry Smile and gazed upon the Youth with Much Guile. “Since thou art such a Warm Thing,” said he, “do thou go forth into the World and carve thy way a Few without calling upon the OIid Man’s Cheeseknife to assist in the Carving!” and he went into his Den and locked the Safe. “Ho, ho!” chuckled the Smooth Youth, “Now will I Prance Forth and show. his stingy old Job-Lots how it Is Done!” so he sailed away ex- ceeding Light-hearted, for he had left $7 50 and had not yet felt the Wild Yearning after a two-bit piece where- with to buy a place to sleep. And it was so that at the end of Three Weeks the Old Man heard a Timid Rap upon his Study Door. And when he had opened the Door, ‘behold! the Smooth Youth stood there gazing Steadfastly upon his Battered Toes. Then the 0ld Rooster Loocked Grim and said: “Hast thou cut Much Ice in the ‘World, O Offspring?” But the Young Man did the Uriak Hesp Stunt, for of a Truth His Clothes were tattered and his face Dirty; also he was thin and Hungry and thers were Bugsin his Long Hair. He was Up Against it without a Battered Obolus with which to Make Good. “Oh, Sire!” said the Young Man, humbly, “I am no longer the warm- est bunch of Smoke that ever blew across this part of the Universe! I was an Ass!—and the more an Ass for that I mistook my own Bray for the Roar of a Lion!” and he was Very EHumble. “Verily,” said His Job-Lots, “thy New Song soundeth Good to Me! At last thou dost understand that when thou wert smcking cigarettes and drinking Champagne thou wert cut- ting a Wide Swath with thine Old Man’s Brain and Sinew! When thoa didst sneer at thy Ancsstor, it was to sneer at the Fountain of Plenty that was all that stood between thee and Running a Delivery Wagon! Yea, all thy life thy Old Dad hath done thy Thinking and thy Working for thee, leaving thee Naught to Do but to Look Pretty and Drink Things!” And the Young Man said Nothing, &nd ‘said it fervently, for he had Sized himself up and was Not Flattered. Moral: The Old Man may be a Back Number, but before you sneer at him show yourself to be a Better Man! B Another Moral: True Worth lieth not in being able to drink the Com- pany under the table; that fleat is merely a triumph for the Stomach. Try it with Swine and gain a victory worth Bragging over. The Solar-Plex: It Taketh a Cap- able Man to Make Money, but Anjy Fool can Spend It. OX AND RSS. HE Ox and the Ass once decided to run for office. Now the Ox was a believer in Reform. “Behold!” said he, “I will conduct my Campaign on a Clean Basis.” ‘Wherefore, the Ox held his Meet- ings in the Green Fields, and all the Other Animals came to Listen.’ And it came to Pass after the Other Animals had listened for Some Time that they became Very Thirsty, for were not their throats Dry from Much Applauding? Yea, Verily. So they spake, one to Another, say- ing: “Behold! let us arise and go down into Dogtown and Seek out the Other Candidate, for of a Truth we Spit Cot- ton!” So they Broke Away after giving Three Cheers for the Ox and his Re- form Precepts. And at Midnight they who had ap- plauded the Ox the loudest were drinking deepest of the foaming Boci and Hurrahing most lustily for the Sly Ass. Yea, Verily, the gutters were filled with Voters singing “Wa Won’t Go Home Till Morning!” and the noise of their singing could be Heard Afar Off. £ And when the evening of Election Day was come, lo! the Ass was tri- umphantly Elected, while the Ok was bhardly even an Also Ran. Dazed and bewildered, the Poor Ox looked about for a Heeler to tell him How it happened. “Ho, ho!” laughed the Heeler, “Wottest thou not thou wert defeated because thou didst not Set ’em up? For whoever heard of an election ‘without Beer?” and he laughed long and raucously. “But they One and All applauded ‘when I Preached Reform!” wailed th2 Poor Ox. “To be sure!” sneered the Heeler. “The Dear People love to Talk Re- form, but when it cometh to a Show- Down they want their Reform mixed half-and-hal? with Beer!” “And are there then no Good Peo- ple in the World?”’ asked the Dis- IN POLITICS. couraged Ox. “Qh, ‘yes!” rejoined the Heeler, “The Good People control the Speech« making, but the Elections are con- trolled by Beer!” Then the Sad Ox went Forth inta the Clean Air of the fields, saying: “Politics is not for such as I, who have no taste for Beer!” Moral: The Dear People want Clean Politics—but they want it with a Stick in it. Second Moral: The God-given Fran« chise is a Glorious Thing, but it is fourded on Beer. Third Moral: Politics is a Great Game wherein Truth and Virtue Are not Handicaps. Theme: The real Forum is White Front Saloon. the THEY WERE DRINKING JLHE FOAMING BOCK AURRAHING MOST LUSTILY.