The San Francisco Call. Newspaper, August 19, 1900, Page 7

THE SUNDAY CALL. <. | 7 *f e the Jém_e;‘i k—_er Husband. | { T dare say there isn't a woman on earth 1uho hasn’'t a theory an the subject of 'huw 10 manage a husband, and 1 have ‘.;nm'er yet come acress a man who was any the worse for a little scientific hand- ling now and then. If I wére in the florist business I'd send a palm to a certain | Benator’s daughter, who has Set an ex- ample managing wives might follow with | profit. She has a husband, this Senator's | daughter, who s disposed to be critical. Most of his friends are men of great | wealth, who live extremely well, and as- | sociation with them has made him some- | | what hard to please in the matter of cook- | ing. For some time the tendency has becn | Browing on him. Scarcely a meal at his | :«l‘me table passed without criticism from | m. | “What ie this meant for?” he would | | ask after tasting an entree his wife had | racked her brain to think up. i | '"What on earth is this?”’ he would say when dessert came on. i “Is this suvposed to be a salad?" he * would inquire sarcastically when the let- tuce was served. The wife stood it as long as she could. One evening he came home in a particulariy captious humor. | Bis wife was dressed in her most becom- | ing gown and fairly bubbled over with | 1 wit. They went in to dinner. The soup | | tureen was brought in. Tied to one handie | was a card, and on that card the infor- | mation in a big, round hand: AD PROPOSE | o § i | i BD TO HER. TOO. Roast beef followed, with a placard an- | Justwed—"1 didn’t accept Fred the | nouncing: ¢ time he proposed.” | eThis ts : S~ | »'\:- d 'li !F.':.' "\?v..\\ogudlx(dn‘;:w- The potatoes were lubeled. The gravy | T § s Cutting—"You weren’'t there.* | dish was placarded. The olives bore a % card marked “Olives,” the salad bowl car- | FOATA T A DA A A TR S AR DR DADS | HE WAS SINCERE. “Really, Miss Johnson, but I'ze no base flatterer.” *“Oh! get out, 'Rastus!” “No, I nebber flatters. When I says I'ze sawn de elephant, de rhinoscerous, de hippopotamus and a hog weighing 730 pounds, an’ dat yvo'r sylph-like form am de sylphist ob all 1 eber sawn, I has no distressin’ or interior objick in view.” O TR T AT AT AT OA T A TR T AT T A TR TSR TR TSR @ HE DIDN'T KNOW. ALL ON Accogfimox«‘ THE TELE- nu:xt::-. o?rglo‘:uasyt: gert:.reemlt:dh::: A noble Lord, as proud and fond as a bastily Hehed dudo ok Drill they an | Man should be of his beautiful wife, was d:festyed cbut . 'r »e.nypnt o viZh it just about rising to speak in a debate when a telegram was put into his hands. like true Britons. On one m ‘; He read it, left the House, jumped into a officer was putting a fresh bate UN | cab, drove to Charing Cross and took the their facings. : train to Dover. “Form fours!” he shouted, and they Next day he returned home, rushed into | bl‘nlmped into som"e,thlng like order. his wife'syroom. and, finding her there, P ® g i e nd back | ypbraided the astonished lady in no meas- I sl:Zd smc::n setfilx.eep oan armer, Who | ,,;eq terms. She pro_lested her ignorance “As you werei" again yelled the offcer | °LHAYINE done anything to offend him. | in the bewildered man's ear. gram?”’ he asked. “Beg pardon, sir,” muttered the man, “Mean? What I said, of course. What B T HTH T AT AT AT AT TR TR TS TR TR TR R - @ NOT EXACTLY WEAKNESS. Ny . SHE KNEW, “They say ¥red Towne has lost the use of his arms.” *“Indeed he hasn't; he called on me last evening.” P A A TSA TR T A T A T A AT A AT AT A AR AT @ A PUZZLE. ried a tag marked “Salad,” and when the ice cream came in a card announcing s hard rqr me t' acknowledge that I | “This is ice cream’™ came with it. The; | t know it all,” said the Cornfed | wife talked of a thousand different things | sopher, “but I confess I cannot see | a1 through the meal, never once refersing the rock-the-boat id t is ‘.;'lf wed 10 by word or look to the labeled dishes. | intil he is strong « to UP it Neither then nor thereafter did she say |-such leetle forkfuls? Air ye gettin’ weak?” ' r —~Indianapolis Pr % a word about them, and never since that [aRSee—er s evening has the captious husband ven- PASSIN( - IT ALONG. tured to inquire what anything set before Mr. Wimmer, how can you allow him is.—Washington Post. N r eldest son to strike his littie brother = -l £ s HE HADN'T DESIRED IT. .I ?;fi_“"" U\’}“‘; "I‘ k"‘""if‘ all | 3udge— Don’t let me see you here again. : ery day? 1 o . )¢ A;t t.fl“ | Prisoner—I assure you, Judge, that this M AT en he attends to the rest.”’— | meecting was entirely unintentional on my 'S Stories | part.—Town Topics. B & L S S S LR WS S o *@*@*@*@*Q—*@*@. e —— — | i Jim—*No; ’'taint exactly weakness ez I knows on.” | @ T H T AT ATATATATAASAT AT AT A TSASASASA @ ‘ “but I'm blowed if I know where I were.” —London Tit-Bits, GOOD ADVICE TO IGNORE. are you talking about?”’ ‘““Read it for yourself,” he said. She read: “I flee with Mr. X. to Dover straight. Pray for me.” - For the moment words could not come. Then the suspected wife quietly re« marked: ‘‘Oh, those dreadful telegraph iven me by my political opponents, and | PeopleL I telegraphed simply, ‘I tea with %}llen 1 knm}v I can’'t make a mistake, ’— | MrS- X. In Dover street. Stay for me. * “How does it happen that you are :o' ! ‘ —London Tit-Bits. | successful in politics?’ “I act exactly contrary to the advice Chicago Post. NEVER HAD TRIED. | “Do you mean to insinuate that I can’t tell the truth?” “By no means. It is impossible to say OFF-HAND PRESCRIPTION. “I've a dreadful cold, doctor.” “I see you have, Let me feel your uire. H'm. Yes. You'd better take a ot bath, and under no circumstances what a man can do until he tries.”—Chi- | get your feet wet.””—London Titbits. cago Post. L . et WELL RECOMMENDED, NATURALLY IN THE NATURE OF AN OBSTACLE. . 5 Py ayRgl Mistress—You say you are well recom= Boarder—"Is your milk pure? Guide—This is Bunker Hill, raended? Farmer Cayne—"Wal, 1 should say it was. We don't use nuthin' but filtered water.,” Visiting Briton (also a golfist)—Ah, that | Maid—Indeed, ma’am, I bave tkirty-ning was a blunker, to be sure!—Pucks excellent references,