The San Francisco Call. Newspaper, August 19, 1900, Page 6

On the bank a-sittin’, Fishin’ and a-smokin’, Fightin’ pesky hornets, Woeodchuek holes a-pokin®, Eatin’ stolen moshey pie, Gettin” torpid liver. Wish I was a boy again Down along the river. THE SUNDAY <. Jhe “Ask Me" Pution. She was fair of face and—well. say 2. Her clothes were neat and cool. Pinned to the bosom of her shirt waist was one of the large buttons distributed by the bureau of Information for the accom- modation of strangers visiting this ecity ' during the Democratic National Conven- tion. This large button bore the talis- manic words, “Ask me.” When she tripped into the car and took a seat the men sfared at her. The women did likewise. Opposite sat a middle-aged woman with her 7-year-old daughter. The child stared at the large button on j the shirt waist, then, pointing to 1, ; asked, “What is that, mamma?"’ “It's very rude to point, dom’'t yeu know, my dear?’ quoth mamma. “Well, what is it?” she again inquired. The young woman heard the iaquiry and reprimand and smiled at the perverseness of the chiid; then, holding out her hands, sald, “Come here, little sweetheart, and I'll explain it to you.” The child looked at her mother. who nodded assent. She went over and was ; lifted to a seat in the young woman's lap. “Now, I'll tell you all about it. These Hear the frogs a-croakin’, buttons were designed for the purpose of furnishing information to many visitors Katydids a-hummin’, who will come to Kansas City next weelk. are seeking a hetel or street or Bl the Gnlte; thulkie, :fo::eay“ they needgdo is ask the wearer Lowing herds a-comin’; of a button like this. In other “lv?nls. the rer of a button like this will answer Watch busy bumble-bees :ue:'suons " B o Salbetnd In the mullen quiver. now?’ she asked. The child nodded her head. “And are you going to answer ques- Wah Tves & by iy tions?’ queried the child. Down along the river. “Just try me and see,” replied the young woman. The child fingered the button in silence for a few moments, then she suddenly asked: “How old are you?” “I'm ’e “Are you as old as my mamma?’ per sisted the child. Mamma frowned. The young woman smiled. ‘““Are you married?’ was the next ques- tion. “No, dear, T am not.” “Why dom’'t you get married?” “l expect to—some time,” she replied, A Chinaman came into the car. The child tock her eyes off the young woman long enough to see who was the new passenger. ‘“Would you marry that Chinaman?"’ she asked, pointing to where he sat. }Mamma smiled. Then men laughed and the young woman blushed furiously. Put- ting the child down she signaled the conductor to stop and she stepped from the car. Before the car was out of sight she threw that “Ask me” button as far as t she could send it.—Kansas City Star | July 1. b‘\ POKER DIALOGUE DURING THE MILLENNIUM. First player—I open the pot. Second player—I raise vou. First player—I raise you back. Second player—I call. First piayer—Give me two cards. l Second player—I will take one. ; First player—Five bones is my bet. | Second player—I have the honer to ecall { you. First player—I have three kings. Second player—That wins; [ have only i two pair. First player—I beg pardon. On examin- ing my hand I find only two kings. I must have discarded the third one Hear my mother callin’, Cattle need a-milkin’, Hidin' in the hay loft, y through mistake. 3 Second player—Your explanation is ermi- Other chores a-bilkin’, | nently satisfactory. Kindly take in the See my dad a-comin’, | pot and we will hav> another deal. Used to beg and shiver. HE DID. He—I suppose you are ready to pay me Glad T ain’t a boy again the kiss I won on the result of the ball . | 8ame Down along the river. { She—Oh, no: I never pay gambling —GEO. R. BRILL. | debts. i He (disappointed)—And there’s no law O TVHVYITHET R TR TR YT ETHI ORI OISR TR TR DL YT R R RO R @ [ to collect them, ¢lther. WILLIAM WENT BACK AGAIN. A good story is told of a man called William, who is engaged as a window cleaner at a certain big hotel in London. One morning William, instead of doing his work, was reading the paper, and, as bad luck would have 'it, the manager looked in. “What's this?’ he said. William was dumb. “Paek up your things and go,” said the manager. So William went to the office, drew the money which was owing to him, and then went upstairs and put on his Sunday clo¥hes. Coming down to say good-by to the other servants he happened to run across the nfanager, who did not reecog- nize him in his best coat. “Do you want a job?” asked the man- azger. “Yes, sir,” said William. “Can you clean windows?" “Yes, sir.” ‘“You look a handy sort of chap. I only gave the last man 22 shillings, but I'll give you 25.” “Thank you, sir,” said William, and in talf an heur he was back in the same old rooin—cleaning the window this time, and not reading the paper. GOING THE SAME ROAD. “T want $10 to buy Indian curios. The Indians, you know, will soon be extinet.” ‘Well, if you keep on caling for money T'll be extinet long before the Indians.”— Chicago Record. NO HOPE FOR HIM. “How does Jimson expect to live when he reaches the other side?” “By his wits.” “Then, of course, he's coming back soon.”"—Cleveland FPlain Dcalcr. | ? l ! POLITENESS THE BEST RULE. THE PROFESSOR. | Ohs Glter 2 Smmtnt's silssive)— Bt | might take the law into your own har It is much easier to be polite and neigh-| “I can't believe a man is telling the | George. borly than to fly into a passion when t truth,” observed the doctor, “when he | TOT{TI:;‘—-IT things don’t suit you. Take this note, | says, a few hours after he has been; e % for instance, addressed by a lady to the | l_inm'ked nut' in a prize fight, that he ‘never . Hewitt—What are you ra woman who lived next door: felt better in his life.” It sounds fishy., , for? S Ml Tourshiidvei who are | “More than that,” remarked the profes- | Jewett—Well, I don't mind telling you et ‘and 'a.ppenr b d'isonlprly. f sor. “It sounds Sharkey.”"—Chicago Trib- j that I am wearing a necktie my wife gave ne doubt deserve the frequent floggings | “oo ? me.—Harper's Bazar. you give them; but, as my nerves are | @ OATATAOAT AT AT AT AT AT A SRS AT ASAT @ weak, I write this to ask if you ecan't do | something to deaden the sound.”’—St. Leuis Globe-Democrat. WORLDLINESS OF THE GODLY. Deacon Goode—They say your son has been very successful in the ministry, The Practical Man—He has that, Deacon Goode—He has brought about a great many converslons. The Practical Man—I don't know any- thing about that. He has accepted three calls within eighteen months, and got a Lig raise each time.—Boston Transeript. A SIMILARITY. “What do you think of these yarns about the Chinese being among the most civilized people on earth?” asked Piute Pete. “Well,” answered Three-Finger Sam, “T must say their way o treatin’ strangers they don’t happen to like reminds me of the palmy days in our great an’ growin’ city of Crimson Gulch.”—Washington Star. A MATTER OF NECESSITY. Wife—John, you don’t mean to tell me that you shot this poor little bird with that great big gun? - Husband—Yes, dear; I'm sorry to say Mooy B I had to. I couldn’t get near enough to Mother Centipede—*“You'll have to go barefooted, children; your father hasnm’t put salt on its tail.—Philadelphia Press. made-enough money to buy shoes for you' = o 2 ox