Omaha Daily Bee Newspaper, September 13, 1915, Page 4

THE OMAHA DAILY ““FOUNDED BY EDWARD ROSEWATER. VICTOR ROSEWATER, EDITOR. The Bee Publishing Fu_r;_l;;y. Proprietor, BED RUILDING, FARNAM AND SEVENTEENTIH. Kntered at Omahe postoffice as second-class matter. W 4 and Sunday. without sun& and wlun\'l( Bee only notice of change ol -Mr—u mfl in delivery 6t oum&llhtl b | of 'ANCE. 4 Pumit dra re postal order. Only two- cent b4 “'nx'nd- |“-' payment of 1 ae- counts, nal checks, except on Omaha and eastern 3xehange, not scoepted. OFFICER Dulld!l‘ ndl muno—ll Nm) Main street. tthe Buildi Ldneoln—8 Li Qieage-ton Jivaeet Bulfing. | vvense Lonie— 58 N Bank of Commeroe. %lm—?l';o\m:nth Bt, N. W, CORRESPONDENCE, e communications nl-w al m to Omaba Bes, D.-nd T —— e AUGUST CIRCULATION, 53.993 Etate of Nebrasks, Count f Dou, Dwi 's.m'wmnm "mu }'u:n Tseser o The Bee ly sworn, says that ¢ o Tatin fov e Honth ot ALeudts in IGHT w".L'A" .. Ciroulation Manager. h “olice 'llru sworn to before me, this 3d 0 .uber 1! 1y ‘HUNTER, Notary Public. av was ! Subscribers leaving the city temporarily | should have The Bee mailed to them. Ad- { dress will be changed as often as requested. l: .Jmhllm_zfi‘ Thought for the Day l Selected by M. Elizabeth Hewett Tuke joy home | And make & p.ace in thy great heart for her, | I And give her time to grew, and cherish Aer; Then will she come, and oft will sing to thee When thou art werking in the furrows,-- Aye Or weeding in the sacred howr of dawn. n--mm&-»u&.‘d; Joy is the grace we say to i —Jean Ingelow. i Diplomacy seems to be taking the aspect of canned goods ready for shipment. —_— hurt comes the inquiry: Who put rd next to Messenger Archibald? After Scotland" It ds reafly a shame that the A. B. C. {ors do not recognize General Carranza. ' What elsc are’ whiskers for? Many a political boom hopetully launched on the winds of September will need a hot water Lag to kodp its feet warm before winter wanes. omp— The campaign for ‘the freedom of the seas” picceads on the theory that sending unarmed rhips to the bottom makes for greater freedom. Hero is where theory overtakes fact. i Senator J. Ham Lewls of Tllinois is going abroad, not “‘on official business,” but for pleas- ure. In the senator's copious vocabulary, pleas- ure spells excitement. He is headed in the right direction. apepg— /A body of British investigators is convinced that the United States will have the cream of the world’s business after the war. Considering the source, the admission marks the ‘‘irreducible minimum’ of what is coming. . S——— An alleged scientist seeks publicity with the that “‘genius is seldom or never assocl- ated ¥ith red hair.” For obvious reasons the ueng of the aurora-crowned belle who passed over tlie mitten is not mentioned. Our senator assured the letter carriers that he was in lne with all postal progress, but he ly forgot to tell them how he fought par- to the last ditch, and hes his newspaper opportunity to knock on it even now. § Syssme——— Marse Henry Watterson is making a punch- ing bag of the Hohenzollerns and the Hapsburgs and vocally pitching them into the hot place. Bvidently the G. Q. M. of Kentucky has cut Ber- lin and Vienna out of his after-the-war itinerary. cel por b 4 The shrewd genius of a David Harum is “igible in the real estate trading operstions of Lulgaria. In s0 many words the entente allies are informed that Serbla must give up Macedonia or Bulgaria will not enter the shoot- ing match. . ——— Absence of news of war doings on both sides of the Isonzo is not due to & change in the thirst for gore. Gabriele d’Annunzio aviated over the firing lines and bombarded the combatants with poetic leaflets. As soon as the victimsg revive shooting will be resumed. —— The judges performed, their duties courage- 0 doubt, in selecting “three perfect bables” from the exhibit. It must not be in- ferred from the “obiter dicta” of the judges that Nebraska has ouly three. Every mother in the state knows that her's is a perfect baby. Greater New York is shown by the state census to have a population of 5,066,000, or 268,000 more than the rest of the state. The greponderance of the metropolis accounts for the fierce fight made in the constitutionsl conven- tion to prevent majority control of the state legislature. The winority contended, with char- acteristic “‘upstate” nerve that majority rule ip the circumstance would substitute quantity for qual'ty, and scored a partial success. P — The kigh quality of mercy which inspires re- publicans to noble deeds can be shown to best advautage now by observing striet neutrality towand the state bouse belligerents. Orders for ammunition from either side may be honored, as " of business. Tips on trench strategy entanglements are permissable. Be- Himits political neutrals should m‘m of restrained @ party whose mills ‘the grist of the enemy. BEE | 1o Bringing Wyoming 0il to Omaha. As soon as frelght rates threaten the special privilege Omaha enjoys in its crazy quilt transporta- tion tafiffs, you may expect to hear trom Iits papers in no uncertaln tome Setting this feature aside for the time being, how- ever, the farmer and interior business men of Ne- braska, are ready to co-operate with Omaha to build & pipe line from Casper to Omaha There are at least three ways to approach this ofl traneportation. Precedent and the course of the least resistance would be to petition private capital. Were the peti- tloners successful, another link would be forged in the chain which shackles the people of the country by the public sérvice monopolies The states of Wyoming and Nebraska might be Induced to build this line, but tes most promising issue would be for the producers and the consumers of the northwest to pool with the producers of the south- west, who are already clamoring for a pipe line from Tulsa, OkL, to the gulf, and say to the pork barrel politicians along the Atlantic that no fortification will be bufit on the sandbar harbors of the deserted vil lages in New England or “down south” unless those two pipe lines are arranged for at the same time It the governmeat can bulld & rallroad In far-off Alaska, It can bulld & pipe line In Nebraska and Wyoming. ~Creighton Liberal It s gratifying to The Bee to have its appeal for early development of the Wyoming oil fields meet with approving attention. So far as The Eee is concerned, however, it is not o new agita- tion, for it has been hammering along this line for many a year, and the raise in oil rates by the railroads is merely the occasion, and not the cause, for us again wrging the subject. The Bee is not specially concerned, either, as to bew, or by whom, the pipe line should be con- structed, whether by private capital or public onterprise, because it would be in all respects subject to regulation, and could be taken over by the government whenever desired. For- tunately, or unfortunately, Nebraska is so ham- pered by its comstitution that it cannot inau- gurate such an internal improvement on state account, altbough possibly the varlous counties or smaller subdivisions might do so. Further- more, we fear the prospeet of inducing the fed- eral government to go into the pipe line business is not promising, the government-built rallroads in Alaska to the coatrary notwithstanding. A pipe line from the Wyoming ofl fields to a termi- nal at Omaha wduld not be so tremendously costly that it could not be financed if it had the necessary popular backing and the right men took hold of it. Some Rea] Horrors of War. Even “grim vizaged War” must grin as he surveys the plight of the folks who have been touched by the war-wave in Burope. Among these must be listed the “thirst quenchers” of Munich, whose sorrowful situation will be fully uppreciated by some of the bibulous who recall the days before 8 o'clock ‘closing in Omaha. #ccording to the imperial and royal regulations ander which beer is now dispensed in Munich, seventy liters is the limit of an evening’s ration for a restaurant, and this has brought about automatically a 9 o'clock shut-down. When the seventy liters of beer are gone, ‘‘there's nothing to do till tomorrow,” the citizen goes home and Herr Kellner turns out the lights, It's & merry life they lead in Munich these days. But, when you have gazed aghast af the ple- ture of the poor burgher of Munich, held down 1o his narrow ration of beer, consider the situa- tion of the London society that maintains a hos- pital for eats, and is now, by exigency of the war, forced to make a public appeal for funds that it may keep open its doors. Even the Times has noted the gravity of this institulon's #ad condition, but rather unsympathetically Thunderer suggests that “‘this is no time to maander over cats." Verily, all the horrors of war are not con- fined to the stricken battle fields, nor are the people of Belgium and Poland the only ones to feel the pinch of necessity! ——— An Unfriendly Proposal. When a4 humane world woke up a score of years ago and measured the evil results of the opium habit forced upon the Chinese people by the British East India company the act was branded as “the crime of the century.” In the last dozen years laws restricting the cultivation of the poppy and prohibiting importations have greatly reduced the use of drugs in China, and “hitting the pipe” is almost a rarity. But the commercial world ha to let go & good thing and proposes “something just as good.” It comes to this country through an American consular officer at Shanghai and points to chew- ing gum as a substitute. All that is needed is coplous publicity and dragon-glided wrappers to make millions of Celestial jaws work as they never worked before. Just what the Chinese have done to the United Btates to warrant re- prisal does not appear. The relations of the two republics are friendly. Expressions of good will sugar their diplomatic exchang It may be urged that Chinese republicans need the exers clse to limber up the maxillary joints and pro- duce the torrent of political vocal music without which a republic is a misnomer. Even so, friendly regard forbids the big fellow visiting the gum-chewing afflictions on the baby re- publie. ' 3 —_— Alligator Tears in Wali Street. A marked disposition to crowd the stool of repentance crops out in Wall street. That cen- ter of plain and fancy trimming shows signs of fear lest the great public beyond the street measure the whole by the sins of the few. The Wall Street Journal, acknowledging the evil deals of Rock Island and the Gould roads, pleads for suspension of judgment until railroad managers in self-defense start a wholesale house-cleaning. The Journal insists that hon- estly 'managed roads must begin reform at home and stick to it if they would effectually spike the guns of the opposition. A practical applica- tion of the suggested reform from within will furnish a distant glimpse of the millentum. It is to be noted from the unfortunate auto @ishup 'in Louisville, lavioving Omaba's former High school principal, that in other citles such & fatality is at once followed by arrest of the driver, who is not released except upon regardless of his rank or standing in the com- wunity or his evident lack of culpability, The imposing valte of the great Americun dollar just now depends the point of view, Iu the eyes of Burope it the swell front of a clambaker dinner. Back from salt water the dollar groys leaner every day and is as difficult 10 hold usThe warm end of a poker. | B UMARA, MUNNIZAL, Aimed at Omaha Lincoln Journal: It will not escape due acknowi- edgment that Omaha sent down several thousand peo ple and helped make thelr day the higgest Thursday In the history of the falr. Lincoln will reciprocate by sending uy hundreds every week to hear “Billy’ day. If that isn't considered sufficlent we will throw in & few thousand at Ak-Sar-Ben time for good meas- ure. This visit of Omaha was enjoyed more by Lincoln people than usual because this year we have plenty of things here that Omaha can understand, The vis- itors found that Lincoln is just breaking the small city shell and is taking on the appearance and aics of & metropolis. After threading their way through tho crowds on O street and watching the work on the new bulldings their old patronising air gave way one of frank admiration. They are willing to concede now that Nebraska's second city is no slouch, even if it long ago gave up the idea of being bigger than Omaha. The dlscovery on the part of the metropolls that Lincoln ean’'t be put off the map by rallroad dis- criminations will do more to promote neighborly feel- ing than anything in the recent history of the two clties Hildreth Telescope: The Omaha World-Herald is about the only genuine Hitchcock paper in the state that we know of whith leads us to the conclusion that the senator has wome rocky roads to travel be- fore he secures a re-election Culbertson Banner: “Billy” Sunday, the ex-ball player evangelist, has opened his Omaha meeting and is being greeted by the usual large crowds that at- tended his meetings eisewhere. There is no question but what Omaha should be a good flald for the evan- gelist's services, but some there are who think it will take several Sundays to put the Nebraska metrop- olis in the “spotiess town'' class. Hildreth Telescope: A wag remarked to the Tele- scope editor the other day that after “'Billy” Sunday got through with Omaha it would be no place for a democratic national convention Columbus Telegram (Edgar Howard): 1 like those fine men who serve Samson as governors of his Ak- Sar-Ben board, Last Monday night T was a guest at the Ak-Sar-Ben Den. I was in the speclal keeping of two of the governors—Nash and Brandels, and | now desire to offer testimony to thelr magnificent hos pitality, and, appreciated protection. Both men were aware of my nearing distinction, Both men knew that in my hands will next year be deposited the power to confer t"e greatest prize which any Omaha man covets, and yet so beautiful was their hospitality that they boldly rebuked an Omaha man of note who tried to get me to promise him an appointment as election commissioner for the metropolis. In the early hours following my inauguration I shall have fine recollec- tion of the graclous treatment accorded me by Ak- Bar-Ben, and In those hours the Omaha politiclan who shall approach me for a favor will receive noth- ing better than the stony stare unless he shall bear in his hand the endorsement of the board of Ak-Sar- Ben governors in general, and the signatures of Nash and Brandels In particular. Twice Told Tales Understood His Profession, The professor of jurisprudence in a weatern uni- versity was lecturing to a hundred embryo lawyers He asked whether anyone in America could own prop- erty. One fellow answered, “No; a criminal can't own Pproperty.” But the professor sald, “Suppose a man owns a ranch, gets into trouble with his neighbor, assaults him, and w put inte the penitentiary. Does he still own the ranch?" The class was unanimous that he aid. "It he dia not continue to own it,” went on the professor, “what would become of it?"" That was supposed to settle the discussion, bu: one boy called i “The lawyer would get it." There was & hearty laugh, of course, and the pro- fessor added: “We learn two things from the apt remark—be a lawyer, and don't be a criminal.”~Youth's Companion, Believed in the Doctor. Mr. Griffin had spent an anxious afternoon at the office and hurried home at an unusually early hour. “How do you feel, dear? What did the doctor say?" he questioned his wife as she lay on the couch, her eyes half closed. “Oh, he asked me to put out my tongue,” she murmured “Yoa? “And after looking at it he said, ‘Overworked.’ " ' Mr, Griffin heaved an audible sigh of rellef. ‘I have perfeet faith in that doctor, Mabel" sald he firmly. “You will have to give it a rest.”—Chicago News. Squelched Him. % An effeminate, self-opinionated young man cn— tered @ restaurant the other day. and after he had ordered lunch the waltress, who was well known for her obliging dlsposition and ready wit, handed him & newspaper so that he might profitably while away the few minutes. that would elapse before he was served, “Thank you, Josephine,” he said famillarly, “but I prel something funny to look ar while I am eating."” ‘The waitress looked at him contemptuously, then replied: "That need occasion you no inconvenience, Percy: there's & looking glass straight in front of you! Pitteburgh Chroniele-Telegraph. True Friendship, Two boys, one the possessor of a permit, were fishing on & certain estate when a gamekeeper sud- denly darted from a thicket. The lad with the permit uttered a cry of fright, dropped his rod and ran off at top speed. The gamekeeper was led wift chase Then, worn out, the boy halted. The man seised him by the arm and said between pants: “Have you a permit to flsh on this estate?" “Yos, to be sure,” said the boy, quietly. “You have? Then show it to me.” The boy drew the permit from his pocket. The man examined it and frowned in perplexity and anger ““Why did you run when you had this permit? he asked. “To let the other boy get awwy,” was the reply “He didu't hlvo mone!" -Pllubuuh Chronicle-Telo- &raph. A Long Wait, “ The self-made man stalked Into the office of a great financler with whom he had an appointment. ‘‘You probably don't remember me," he began, “‘but twenty yesrs ago, when 1 was a poor messenger boy, YOU gave Me & message o CATTY— “Yes, you!" cried the financter. swer?'—San Francisco Argonaut. Vhere's the an- ations have been lssued for tha colebration of the silver wedding of Mr .and Mrs George H.' Grigor on the twenty-second of this month. The report that Ellas Gish and George Medlock are contemplating a mill of soft gloves, Marquis of Queensbury rules, is denounced by both gentlemen as unqualifiedly false. Max Lens is the happy daddy of & bouncing girl baby, just abrived. Captsin J. 8. Wood is back from the Beatrice re- uniom, whick he reports a great success The finder of a Poll parrot Is promised a liberal reward for returning it te 1419 Dodge street, upstairs. ‘The sermon tople of Rev. W. J. Harsha of the Presbyterian church was ‘‘Common Sense in Religlon; Why Are Diffieulties to be Found in the " Bl !:* German Methodist chureh Rev. J. Tanner of Lincoln preached both morning and evening. Olin M. Davenport, steward of the M.lard hotel, has gone on s visit to his old home in Troy, N. Y. Bdward Canan of St. Clair, Mich, is visiting his brother, C. J. Csnan, and thinks strongly of locating here to | [SIST S VR T Erome 10y The Pees effer Lo A The M on Mayor “Jh Head. OMAHA, Sept. ll.—~To the KEditor of The Bee: The mayor of San Francisco said to “Billy” Sunday: “We cannot af- ford to let anyone into our city to take a lot of money out who has nothing to give in return Our Mayer Dahlman takes the opposite view (being religiously inclined), “Billy” says that “Jim” is a fine fellow, without a crooked hair on his head. Yes, “Jim" is a fine fellow. His head is as fine as polished marble, but as to crooked hairs, is In keeping with “Billy's” Hit and Miss sayings (splutter without knowing). As a matter of fact, their is neither straight nor crooked hair on Dahlman's head. Of late there has been scarcely anything in the papers but “Billy" Sunday. In order to keep the pot boiling, you probably will publish the following verres P. WIIG. Note: Verses omitted Mont W rful Man. BOUTH BIDE, OMAHA, Sept. 12-To the Editor of The flee: While some peo- ple who have nmever heard him stand off on distant mole hills and fire popguns at him, and try to belittle his great mis- sion, I believe “Billy" Sunday is the most wonderful man of this generation. He is a general in his line, and his name should go down in history as far more brilliant than that of the general who Mmay win the greatest renown from the present deplorable war raging in Burope. The shafts of enemies cannot reach him on the mountain top, for he has reached the heights from which no enemy can dislodge him. There is no living man, in my estima- tion, who can say so many things of worth and make so many telling points and say so many new things every time he talks as can Sunday. F. A. AGNEW. Far-Away Appreciation. DENTON, Tex., Sept. 10.—To the BMditor of The Bee: Your eulogy of the Sisters of the Good Shepherd is reproduced by “Our Sunday Visitor.” Your kind regard for these noble women and your refer- ence made to them in The Bee will do much to counteract their vile persecutors. May you continue to give a helping hand to those who are fallen and friendless. RAYMOND VERNIMONT, Priest. Should the Training Class Got OMAHA, Sept. 12~To the Editor to The Bee: Possibly #0, but not on the strength of excuses glven by the school board members, who discontinued it en tirely on their own initlative without con- sulting the wishes of the people, First, The ineffeciency charge, is, as everybody knows, not a fact and mnot only reflects on the intelligence and teach- ing ability of a large number of the grade teachers but is also a slap at the parents of these young women. I be- lieve that the teachers referred to will compare favorably with those who have had the additional college course or any other class of teachers in the grades, for the training they receive, or should recelve, in practical teaching ex- perence before they begin to draw a fteachers' salary, should really, fit them better for the task than all the college training in America. 1 do not mean to belittle colleges either. As to the second excuse, it is more than likely that the public school treasury has saved for more money because of the training class, than it has pald out to maintain it since it first started. For Instance, cases have been brought to my notice, where training class teachers have filled regular teacher's places almost from the start, saving the city $0 to 30 per month, they receiving only $10 per month for the work, Perhaps, they should not have been permitted to do #0, but they were. It is & direct affront to the middle class citizens. unable financially, to send their children away to college. The dis- continuance of the training class takes away the only chance their girls have to become teachers, and should not be tol- erated. Lastly, the citizens should demand that we keep our word good with last year's graduates, who expected to enter the training class this fall and were not permitted to do 80. The word of the citizens of Omaha, not the word of the school board, is out to these young peo- ple and that word should be kept. W. B. PEAKE, 1916 South Thirty-fifth Avenue. Soclalism’'s Dissent. OMAHA, Sept. 12.—To ‘the Editor of The Bee: “I am no soclalist,” shouted “Billy” Sunday at one of his meetings several days ago, and fully 6,000 people applauded. It was a pitiful spectacle, a heart-rending exhibition of hypocrisy and ignorance; let us be kind and say it was mostly the latter. Mr. Sunday may consign to fire and brimstone those who disagree with him, but I shall not retort in kind. It is bet- ter to be known as a friend than an enemy of religion, and to propound the truth too bluntly might lead some to misunderstand. Mr. Sunday speaks much truth. He also speaks what is not true, and this it is that calls for reply. “You cannot produce good conduct by mere legislation,” claims Sunday. Who says that you can? Certainly not the soclalist. That statutes are not the source of morality is & big basic element in the soclalist philosophy. There Is hardly a limit, however, to the efficacy of law when backed by widespread, in- telligent public opinion. No soclalist has the space allotted to Mr. Sunday. This fact compels me to close beforé I have hardly begun. The truth, though hampered, however, can- not be killed. It must and it will be triumphant. Showers of material and spiritual blessings are in store for man- kind. Christian and Jew, Protestant and Catholic, believer and nonbeliever—work- ers of the world, let us reach out and take hold of our heritage, EDMUND R. BRUMBAUGH, 522 North Twenty-eighth Street. Geod and Bad in Everything. OMAHA, Sept. 1L.—-Te the Editor of The Bee: W. D. Workham, whose name does not appear in the directory, says in your columns that I represent inter- | ests which coln money by sending souls to hell, and offers as evidence a visit to our jalls, poor farms and drunkard's homes. The interests I have the honor to rep- resent, manufecture a commodity for which there is a public demand to the extent of about 160,000,000 gallons per an- num, a very large portion of which is used for medicinal and kindred purposes, in hospitals, etc. That a portion of that product, and it is a very small propor- tion indeed, should be abused by a few unfortunate weakiings is deplorable. Yet I have never heard that the powder manufacturer is denounced because a cer- taln part of his product is used for mur~ der, or fot the accidental killing of people on the Foutrh of July. I have never heard gluttony and its resultant misery and shortening of lite charged up to the manufacturers of food As there are bad lawyers and bad preacners, and baa bankers, 8o there are bad saloon men, and politics, not the distillers are responsible for the latter; in fact the distiller realizes that greatest enemy of his business is the drunkard and the law violator. Therefore, i “Billy” Sunday, monumental though he is, will succeed In r.for ing the drunkards he will have my unstinted applause for selfish as well as for un selfieh reasons. A. L. MEYBR Puts “Billy" in the Circus Class. OMAHA, Sept. 12-To the The Bee: As a citizen of Omaha for a great many years it is indeed gratifying to note the smallness of the collections at the “Billy" Sunday meetings, as it indicates more clearly than anything else could the fact that Omaha does not intend to be bled to the extent of other cities by this traveling blasphemer of God. People are looking upon his antics merely in the light of a circus, and that they consider it a mighty cheap circus is_evidenced by the measly collections. That his whole acheme is of getting the money was clearly proven at his opening meeting, as it is on record that just about the first thing he started to rave about was the collections and he lost no time in taking up one. JOHN W. HENDERSON, 981 South Thirty-first Street. A resident of Omaha for thirty years and a Methodist church-goer, Evangeliats va, Locnl Preachers. OAKLAND, Ia., Sept. 12.—To the Editor of The Bee: There is a command within the lids of the Bible to “Go ye in all the world and preach the gospel.” That com mand may have worked well in the age it was given, and among those appointed to spread the plan of salvation among & fallen race. But the self-appointed pres- ent day evangelists have some of us democrats guessing. Today they come with “hip-hoop and hurrah,” erect a tabernacle in our midst. A gang comes later riding in & palace car. Great is the gusto. The man of power begins his labors with gesture and gyration of body to attract attention which would land the average local mini- ster in an insane asylum. But times have changed. The local minister is relegated to a back seat for a period of mot to exceed seven weeks. Drones have been found, and pointed out in the local camp of workers. The mini- ster who will remain with us when the evangelist is forgotten, must now assist with his prayers. I have no personal feelings against any man going about following the ‘“meek and lowly,” but the local minister shares our joys and sorrows. He is with us in sickness and health, and when the time comes to shuffle off the mortal coll, stands ready to aid with human sym- pathy, prayers and tears. Up goes our hat for the home minister against all comers. THOMAS J. HILDEBRAND, the | grafter | Sditor of LINES TO A LAUGH. | Miss Vine-Do you favor women p posing? Mrs. woman p! hlm Propose When Oaks—Certainly not should mak fcks out a_man_ she Houston Post Dis hyah new minister ¢ e leanest ar ah see done tole ma to bewar les de balance Mra. Jonsing innfest young man 1 eb! Mrs. Black—Yes, an’' he husband, what welght 24 he should be weighied an' foun wantin’.—Puck | “I hear that vou have come out stron? fny prohibition “Yes," replied Uncle FEill Bottletop, “There ain't a_llquor seller In a ra . of ten miles that'll give me any mora | credit, A’ T want to git even somehow ~Washington Post “lan’t that a beautiful picture! ‘m nature’s mirror; a young girl ins at her reflection in the pellucid pool.” | “Bah that kind of stuff.’ I suppose not. If you gazed into the water, you'd see an old crab."—Louls Courler Journal Payche n I don't care for | “I've just bought a setter,” sald Blith hat's some colncidence—I've just had wished on me," said Slithers a Gordon,” said Elithers. {ne's a hired man,” said Slithers York Times. | “How useless giris are today. 1 ! belleve you know what needles are for How absurd you are, grandma,” y tested the girl. "Of 'course I kn what needles are for. They're to make the graphophone play."—St. Louis Re- public I A WEDDING INCIDENT. Butte Miner. In a corner stiff and solemn, | Like an icy, graven column, { All _unnoticed, stood a fellow, ‘Who was shrouded Jdeep in gloom; He was wilting at the collar, And, thought I, I'll bet a dollar Thl\| that sad and lonely persom | I the groom That dress suit looks discontented, Just g« thought 'tis one he's rented, And the boutonniere he's wearing Long ago had lost its bloom; No one shakes his hand to cheer him No one offers to go near him, it’s a moraj cinch, this minute, He's the groom. His grim countenance perusing | Thus 1 stood there jdly musing, And, I thought, I'll go and tell him He has friends about the room; I will g0 and kindly gteet him: y I'm very glad to meet him: T will whisper words of Kindneds, To the groom. While the bride the guests are kissing All the joy of lifo he's missing, I will ‘gayly say the altar After all is not the tomb. 1 will say, “Come on, be jolly, 'Tis no time for melancholy,” And that way T'll rouse the spirits Of the groom. {80 I promptly stepped up to him, Just as thought I really really knew him Slapped his back and with my elbow save his ribs the crack of doom: Winked my eye and sald, “Be merry, 'Tis a glad occasion, very Just remember at this wedding You're the grogm!™ Then he answered with a bellow, “Now don't you get gay, young fellow, Or I'll rush you mighty sudden, From lhe room; i Since you've asked me why my presence. I am guardin’ all these presents, I'm Detective Mike MeGinnis, Not the groom.” HOTELS, HOTELS. ‘Morrison Totel Home of the Boston Oyster House Famous for its unexcelled service, apj dishes, and air of gaiety and g 2 cheer. Dine in the Dutch Grill The most convenient artistic room where food place in the loop, an service are supreme. The Hotel of SCHOOLS AND COLLEGES. SCHOOLS AND Lou.nul:s. Nebraska Military Academyi (INCORPORATED) YOUR BOY must be properly educated and developed The NEBRASK.\ MILITARY ACADEMY (Inc.) is a school close to home, where vou can se him and be sure that he gets what you want him to have. This SCHOO understands boys and deals with them individually. Prepares for collog business. For information talk to our patrons, visit the school, pho write for catalogue. Address, COLONEL B. D. HAYWARD, President. meoln, Neb. ST. JOHN'S nunn SCHVOL, ( | l) Sa.ima, Kasses viduality com Development of character and ind} th prise the serious work of 00i. Thoroug reparation for college or busi: edited b tate University. Every boy receives careful an mdlvlflunl attention pecial instru tion in Ath m g Modern bulldings, "extensive campus, ¢om- a e Lower scie e LR oat scivool for younger bLo upervision. 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