Omaha Daily Bee Newspaper, December 14, 1902, Page 18

P i | 18 el ———— e e e e e e e ———— THE OMAHA DAILY BEE: SUNDAY, DECEMBER_ 14, 1902 FLASHES OF A MIGHTY MIND Aneodotal Reminisoences of the Life of Thomas Brackett Reed. SARCASM AND HUMOR CLEVERLY HANDLED Thrusts of His ntal Rapler at Parties, Policies and Politieal Opponents—Activities of an Intellectual Glant. The long and mastertul career of the late Thomas B. Reed affords an abundance of anecdotes {llustrating his activities in pub- e and private life and the forceful bril- Mancy of an intellectual glant. Newspaper blographers do not agree In classing him as a wit, but they are a unit in regarding him as & master wielder of tho most effective of weapons—sarcasm. The keenness of his mental rapler and his readiness in wielding 1t 1s shown in the following stories When the house voted on the Teller reso- tution Representative Hicks of Pennsyl- vania was absent. The morning after, while Speaker Reed was riding in & street car toward the capitol, Mr. Hicks stepped aboard, “Hicks, come here,” said the speaker, and the Pennsylvania congressman obeyed. “Hicks,” drawled the speaker, in rebuking tone, as though he were a school- master, “you didn't come to school last Monday afternoon. Have you brought an excuse from your mother?’ Mr. Hicks' re- ply was lost in the laughter that followed the speaker’'s question. A Louisiana member at the beginning of one congress went to him and frankly said that he would like to be placed on the com- mittee on rivers and harbors. Mr. Reed looked at him very gravely, and finally, in a low but thrilling tone of volce, asked: “How much of a steal do you want?’ The reply was evidently mot satisfactory, for the member's name did not appear among the names on the committee. Representative Willlam Astor Chanler met the ex-speaker one day in New York, and sald to him: “Mr. Reed, I have read and heard a great deal about trusts during this fight for the presidency, and I have seen various definitions of a trust. Now, I would like to know from you just what a trust s.” “A trust’ said Mr. Reed, “I8 easily defined. It is a body of very rich men entirely surrounded by water.” Calm Amid the Tumult. “0ld Howdy,” as Mr. Martin, an uncouth and picturesque Texan, was called because of his usual mode of greeting his friends, declared with sulphurous language that he would never permit himself to be counted in one of Reed’s quorums, and when an oc- casion came he orose in his wrath and in- quired whether the speaker had violated that well-known determination. Mr. Reed informed him that he had been included with the rest, whereupon “Old Howdy" lost his temper entirely and started for the chair, swinging his long arms in a most violent manner and shouting the vengeance that he intended to take when he reached his victim. Twenty stalwart republicans rushed toward the desk to protect Mr. Reed and quite as many horrified democrats sprang into the area to head off the ex- cited Texan, fearing that in his fury would kill the speaker if he did not carve up that massive corposity with a bowle knife. Although his coat talls were torn off in the melee Martin managed to reach the desk and, shaking his fist within an inch of the speaker's nose, shouted tho most offensive and insulting epithets. Reed did not appear to motice that any- thing unusual was going on. The houso held its breath and all they heard was that famillar Yankee drawl: “The gentleman from Texas will be kind enough to take his seat.” “0ld Howdy" was paralyzed. He could not conceive that any man would submit to the epithets that he had uttered with- out drawing a knife or a revolver. Accord- ing to Texas etiquette he ceuld not shoot or cut until his antagonist haa produced weapons. So he looked arount in a be- wildered, helpless, disappointed sort of a way and complained to the friends who were attempting to restrain him “The blankety blank blank won't fight. “The gentleman from Texas is out of order,” drawled Reed again, “and will take his seat.” On one occasion news came that the state of Colorado was likely to be repre- ented In part in the house by & woman. An enterprising publisher saw in this cir- cumstance & toplc for an article from Mr. Reed and duly instructed his representative in Washington to see the gentleman from Maine and persuade him to agree to write on the possibilities opened up by the en- trance of a woman in the lower house of Mr. Reed was then recognized a tble candidate for the presidency, and it was apprehended correctly by the publisher's representative that he would be reluctant to say anything about such & matter. However, the errand was duly performed, and Mr. Reed, sitting ponder- ously In his seat on tho republican side of the chamber, wag asked to let the Amer- foan public know what he thought the house would be like with any considerable number of women representing oconstitu- encles there. The blg man turned gravely on his visitor, continued arranglug many papers in his desk, seemed to be thinking intensely on the proposal, and finally asked if the visitor had a telegraph frank. To the afirmative reply the Maine ropre- sontative saldi “Would you be kind enough to pend o message for me to your prin- clpai?” Of course, the answer was agreeable and the gentlemap from the publishing house | took out his pemcil to write from Mr, | M‘?‘l. aletation. id Mr. Reed, “just thl ‘Bxeuse me,’ and get the telegraph operator to send the last word in capitals. That wos @3 Dear s any one ever got Roed to delivering himself on womean's suffrage. A Spouter Silended. One of Mr. Reed's earlfest encounters in the house was with Singleton of Mississippl, @ redhot southern democrat. The bill under discussion was one to reduce the salary of the United States minister to Great Britain trom $17,600 to $15000 a year. Reed had urged that it was hardly possible, even if the figures stood, for a poor man to take the posttion. # to the idea that upon the salaries here proposed poor mem cannot afford to bold government positions,” answered Sin- gleton, “I will say that I can furnish from my own state men of the highest character who would be glad to take any of these po- aitions.” “Mr. Chairman,” replied Reed, “I should Judge, from the supply of office seekers who have been crowding around our doorkeeper, that gentlemen on the other side could supply enough to fill all the offices of the country, at any price.” “Yes,” answered Singleton, excitedly, “and 1 do not wonder at it, because the demoralization which has grown up under the republican party has extended all over the land. The republican party, having con- trol of the government, has inculcated the idea that these people have a right to lve oft the country.” “Mr. Chairman,” drawled Reed, in his most irritating way, “it 1s too bad to charge us with corrupting the demoeratic party. And thoreafler honorable members were OFF TO CALIFORNIA What's the use of fighting northern blizzards, bursting pipes and hard coal bills when you can go to Sunny California for less money? Winter tourist rates to California, via. the Burlington Route, inexpensive. No change of cars from Burlington Station, These Thro' Cars and Saturdays, via. Denver and Salt Lake City, past the grand panorama of the Rockies, Leave the Burlington Station, Omaha, Thro’ tourist sleeper to Los Angeles, Santa Barbara and San Francisco, 9:45 a. m. Fridays, nent—also the route of lowest altitudes. Thro' tourist sleeper to Los Angeles 10:80 p. m. Saturdays, via. the Banta F A double berth, Omaha to San Francisco or Los Angeles, in a tourist sleeper costs $5; e and past the Grand Canon of the Colorado. in a standard sleeper, $11.50. make the trip to the land of fruit and flowersivery Omaha, to San Francisco, Santa Barbara or Los Angeles. Thro’ standard sleeper for San Francisco, 4;25 p. m. daily. Thro' tourist sleeper for San Francisco, Santa Barbara, Los Angeles, 4:25 p. m. Thursdays via, El Paso and the most southerly route across the conti- If you are interested, drop me a postal card, and TI'll mail you our booklet, “California Tours, 1902-03,” free. J. FRANCIS, General Passenger Agent, Omaha. AR s R N e A BT T TICKETS, 1602 FARNAM ST. careful how they stirred up the big man |Mr. Reed seemed moved. Instead of ab- from Matne, ruptly refusing to talk, as had at been his evident intention, he looked up | at the sky and began to think. The corre- spondent knew enough not to disturb the current of Mr. Reed's thoughts. For three or four minutes the ex-speaker gazed at the sky with a meditative air. slowly brought his gaze back cleared his throat and spoke “That cloud,” sald he we are golng to have rain A Bit of Prophecy. One of Mr. Reed's visits to Washington was made just after the withdrawal of his successor, Speaker Henderson, from the congressional race in lowa. A newspaper | correspondent espled Mr. Reed standing on the oppesite side of the street, contem- | plating the sky. The correspondent knew | that it would be & difficult matter to induce Mr. Reed to talk about his successor, so instead of accosting the ex-speaker at onc he walked up and down the block for five| ‘‘One evening a newspaper correspondent minutes, framing an appeal which should | S0t his card in to Mr. Reed, who was touch the Maine mau’s heart. Having com- | Seated in & dark corner of a Washington posed an artful, skiliful address, he crossed | Festaurant. the street to where Mr. Reed was still| Reed came out and the correspondent standing. It was his intention to prevent | said: ‘Pardon me, Mr. Reed, I mistook you Mr. Reed from interrupting by pouring om'. for Mr, Cleveland.” his entire argument, explaining the reasons | “For hea sake,” answered why it was a patriotic duty for Mr. Reed | “never let Cleveland know that. to talk, before the latter could get in a| valn of his beauty now.” word. Once Reed went out to Jerry Simpson's He carried out his scheme successfully. | district in Kaneas to make a speech against It took three minutes to deliver the ad- | that redoubtable statesman dress, and Mr. Reed did not get a chance| “For the last four years' besan Mr. to interrupt. It was such a convincing | Reed, “this district has been represented argument (hat the correspondent did not | in congress by chaos.” see how Mr. Reed could refuse to talk. | indicates that Brilllant Flashes. Reed, He's too | first |'s) At last ho | with the to earth, | gation." | Onge an obsoure member trom West Virs | ginia interrupted Reed in the midst of a eech with some foollsh query. Festerday,” sald Reed in reply, “I had a discussion with Mr. Wilson, the head of the West Virginia delegation, and today, | | however unpleasant it may be, I suppose 1 | shall be compelled to have a discussion | tall of the West Virginia dele- In replylng to an attack made upon him by John De Witt Warner of New York Mr. Reed said: I cannot hope to equal the volume of voige of the gentleman from |New York. That is equaled only by the volume of those things which he does not know." “During Harrison's administration,” sald Reed, “I had only two enemies in the state of Maine. One of them the president ap pointed collector of Portland and the other | he pardoned from the penitentiary.’ | In declining an offer of $1,000 for an arti- cle on the policy of expansion from a prom- inent magazine Reed wrote: I feel deeply on the subject to take money for ex- pressing any opinions about it.” “I Told You S0." too | Once Reed was called upon to address a meeting at Biddeford, at which a large | number of democrats were present “If & photographic snapshot could be| taken of the democracy,” began Reed, “at them in the act of doing some mean, low- lived, contemptible thing." A storm of indignant hisses rose from the democratic benches, There,” sald Reed blandly, “I told you £0. Joseph H. Choate, before his appointment as ambassador to Great Britain, “Tom" Reed and another were talking one evening in the lobby of & New York hotel. The con- versation had taken a serious turn. ‘I believe,” sald Mr. Choate, “that, as the world goes, I can claim to have led a rea- | sonably clean and decent life. 1 don't swear; 1 haven't got any skeletons in my closet; though I have attended many ban quets T have never taken more wine than was good for me. On the whole, I suppose 1 average pretty well “Ab,” sald the third and unnamed party to the conversation, “I wish I could say | that. Well,”" said Reed, with a sly twinkle in his eyes, “why don't you say it? Choate aia.” Mr. Reed was a very large man, tall broad and heavy, weighing mearly 300 pounds. One day while he was walking toward the capitol he wa jolned by & well | known toady, who after a few steps aske | any time and at any place, it would reveal | cheertully “Mr. Reed, #One hundred and ninety pounds, the prompt answer. “Ob!" gaid the tuft-hunter apologetically, “I think you must be mistaken. I am a much smaller man than you and I welgh over 200 pounds.” Yo gentleman weighs more than 200 pounds,” remarked the speaker scornfully. It was Reed, when asked to write a toast to the democratic party, replied at how much do you welgh?" was too, once: ‘The democratic party. Here's to its prophet and its ballot boxes—both stuffed!"” Defending His Native State. At a dinner in New York some one jok- ingly commented on probibition in Maine od Mr. Reed, whose turn came later, defen his old home against the “mistaken view of the result of prohibition sald it had resulted in Maine men losing all taste for liquor. This was met with howls of derision end sarcastic laughter, but Mr. Reed never cracked a smile. He sald the popular mistake was due to the fact that whenever & New Yorker went to Maine the hospitable people of that state broke the rule and gave bim drink only to save bis life. . Reed's last visit to Washington, which terminated in so sorrowful & way, was made just after the army and navy foot ball game, which he attended. As he came through the gate to take the train from the foot ball game to Washington, he found himself jostling Representative Charles B, Landis of Indlana, whom he knew well. | They shook hands and boarded the trainm there.” He | together, going into the smoking they settled themselves in the seats and pulled out their cigars, Mr. Landis said 1 thought when you bumped into me that you were &s big as ever, but you bave fallen off. I think you weigh tuirty pounds less than you used to." “Well,” replied Mr. Reed, glancing down at his big frame with & touch of pride, “may be I have, but it has not lessened the matchless symmetry of my form." When His Earning Philadelphia Press: Olark—See here! You told me If I took a course of instru tion from you it wouldn't be long before 1'd be earning $100 & weel Prof. Skinner—Well? Clark—Well, I'm only getting $10 a week. Prof. 8kinner—But, honestly, now, don't you feel that you're arning $100. Every clerks feels he earns ten times as much as 4 be gota ki