Omaha Daily Bee Newspaper, November 10, 1901, Page 26

‘L'.Tma OMAHA SUNDAY BEE. B. 'BLISHED EVERY MORNI TE ally Bee (withou o and sunday ted Bee, One Year Bee, One Year One Year Twentleth Century Farmer, One Year DELIVERED BY CARRIER afly Bee, without Sunday, per_copy aliy Bee, without Sunday, per week Dally Bee, Inciuding Sundiy, per week Bunany e, per « 4 veniig Bee, without Sunday, per wee Wwvening Bee, Including Sunuiy, per wee | Compiaints of irrexuanties in de ahouia be addressed (o City Clreulation Les partment, ROSEWATER, EDITOR AIMB OF 8UBSCRIPTION: Sunday), One Year Year 1zc OFFICES Omaha: The Bee bullding e Bouth Omaha: City Had Butldiog, Twentys Qth and 5 Streets Counctl Bluffs; 10 Pearl Street Chicago: 164 Unity Huilding New York: Tempie Court Washington, i Fourtecnth Stre CORRESPONDENCE. Communications relating orial matter should e a ee, Liditorial Depariment BUSINESS LI Business letters and remi madressed; The Bec Puois Umahu. REMITTANC arate, expross he Bee 1l edi- Umaha news Iressed IERS, nees ghould be ing Compuny, al order, Jmpuny yment ot pos Pubishing pted in | Remit by wyable (0 niy 2-cent stamps nc amall accounts rsonul checks, vXcept on oF castern exchanges, ot uccepted, BEE PUBLISHING COMPANY. ~— OF CIRCULATION Douglus County, ss ot The Bes sworn, rull und Morning, during us fol- BTATEMENT ‘Btate of Nebraska \_George B, Taschuck, secretary WPublisning Company, being duly yh that the actuwl number of womplets ceples of The Dally, vening and Sunday Bee prinied e’ month of October, 1w, was 29,100 17 15 T I 4N, N00 20,020 29,066 L. 28,0580 coes 28,030 o 28,060 Total deersninane Less unsold and returned coples Net total sales.... Net daily averag SORC Bubscribed 1n my p pufore me this Slst day ) M (Beal) With sugar selling so cheap there is no longer excuse for sour dispositions. General Wheeler in a new automatic firearm for military use, sald to be the most complete thing of the kind in existence. It is not stated whether the general has trained the thing to climb trees, — The weekly statement of bank clear- Sngs fairly reflects the commercial muctivity of the country. Of all the leities reportiug only four show a de- Lrease as compared with the same week Jast year. The tide of prosperity con- Hnues to ris Some petrified tropical fruits have Mdeen found in coal from the Spitz- sbergen mines in Norway. If those Arc- ‘tic explorers only wait till the climate resumes its prehistoric character they ean walk over the north pole clad in Garden of Kden raiment. — /The governors of forty-five states, to say nothing of the territories, might save time and trouble on those multiplex anksgiving proclamations by making them a round-robin and starting them early enough for each to affix his sign ture for the benefit of the archi ————— The tratfic manag oue of the big eastern rouds suys publicly that he does not believe there is a miller in the coun- try who paid taviff rates on flour to the peaboard last year. By this he probably means a heavy producer of flour who is gortunate enough to be located at a com- peting point. If the system of forced collection of elaims against Turkey 18 to become general the sultan will be compelled goon to cut down his houschold ex- penses or go into the bankruptey court. 1In that event it might become necessary for the court to decide just how many wives the petitioner is allowed to re- tain under the exemption clause, Another member of the Herron family 45 to be married with the peculiar rites swhich characterized that of the former Jowa professor. According to this cere- mony, no promises are wade at the al- gar, and it is just as well, for those who pegard marriage vows as lightly as the potoriety-secking professor are only wasting breath in making them. Mhe chiet populist organ accuses the @emocrats, through their indifference, of defeating the fuston ticket. Leading democrats accuse the populists of the eame thing. Undoubtedly some truth qurks in the charge and counter-charge, for both are tired of fusion, but the principal reason s that the voters of the state are tired of fusion and have enlisted under the banner of prosperity. The Pan-American cong cussing the establishment of a court of arbitration to pass on damage and in- demnity claims of an international char- meter, the different countries binding themselves to abide by the decision of the arbitrators. The continuous military performances in South and Central America, during which property rights are disregarded, would provide such a court with steady employment. E——————— The Missourl farmer has bed used of belng slow, but exceptions must be made. Oune of them has just been indicted for selling east e professors collections of Hogus T bygone ages. Ile made them himself, but the learned savants who are sup- posed to be able to tell the age of a stone by looking at It or discourse learnedly on the work of prehistocic man were decelved and kuew no better until a neighbor gave the snap away. Here's to the Missourl farmer who is able to demonstrate that no prehistoric race can make relics better than the race of the present day. some | emer; THE OMAHA DAILY BEE EXTRA SESSION IMPERATIVE, ers the governor to convene the legisla ture on extraordinary oceasions to enact such laws transact such business as may be deemed imperative, Such an sney confronts the chief executive of this state A revision of the state constitution is admittedly demandéd ot the rliest possible moment. The legislature of 1805 submitted twelve amendments to the constitution drafted in conjunction with and upon the advice of the mem- bers of the supreme court, A majority of these amendments, if not all of them, would Lave been ratified by the people but for the overshadowing issues of the national campaign. It was utterly im possible to divect popular attention to proposed constitutional amendments which dwindled into lusignifican in the midst of the great Bryan MeKinley campaign in which Nebraska formed the chief battleground, It will be equally impossible to ca any amendments, or even adopt an en- tirely new constitution formulated by a constitutional convention in the ne national campaign ye 1004, and ye that would be the earliest year in which amendments to the constitution could be submitted, unless the legisla- ture is convened next winter and the nges proposed submitted at the com- ing general election in 1902, The amendments to our state constl- tution that are absolutely essential for the efficient and economical administra- tion of the affairs of the executive and judicial departments of our state gov- ernment ar First—An jucrease in the membership of the supreme court from three to at least tive members, Second—An amendment enlarging the field of investment of the permanent school fund. Third—Authority t oflices in the executi filled by so-called deputies under a strained construction of the constitu- tion, among these, the creation of a department of insurance, distinet and separate from the office of auditor. Apart from the pressing necessity of these constitutional amendments s an tmperative demand for legislation for the creation of a revenue commission for the revision and codification of our revenue laws with a view to a satisfac- tory substitute for the present unsatis factory system of tax equalization and tax collection, There is ulso imperative need of amendments to the state depository Inw for the purpose of glving the peo- ple the benefit of interest earned on d posits of county funds. ‘The present de- and create additional ¢ department now « constitution of Nebraska empow- | sity pository law fixes the minimuw rate of interest at which these funds can be loaned at 3 per cent, whereas the rate now allowed by banks in many countles is only 2 per cent and as a result the interest earned on the public money is absorbed. % Iy view of the fact that the legisla- ture I8 limited to the transaction of such business as shall be specifically designated in the proclamation calling it together a twenty-day session will cover all possible contingencles. The only argument that can be ad- vanced against the proposed special ses- sion 18 the expense to be incurred. But that argument falls to the ground by a comparison of the probable cost of the legislative session and the saving that can be effected through a revision of the constitution and the enactment of rev- enue and tax laws. The most liberal estimate of the cost of the session, including mileage, is $1,000 per day, and the aggregate ex- pense for a twenty-day session would fall within $20,000, The annual salaries ot the three present supreme judges and the nine supreme court commissioners and their stenographers aggregate $42,000, while for a new cpurt consisting of five judges at $3,500 a year and five stenog- raphers at $1,000 a year the aggregate salaries for the supreme court would be $22,000, or a saving of $19,500 over the cost of the present court the first year, leaving out of consideration the saving effected for subsequent years and the advantages that would accrie from the creation of a properly constituted court, Other important considerations are also to be taken into account: Appropria- tions for the recoustruction of the Nor- folk insane asylum; the improvements still needed to nake the penitentiary a safe prison; the proposed exhibition of Nebraska products at the Loulslana Purchase exposition; the reapportion- ment of congressional and legislative representation. Last, but unot least, the condition of the uninvested school fund and the unavoidable distrust caused by the mystery surrounding the location of these funds should impel Governor Sav- agoe to bring the legislature together in an extra session; and he should not al- low himself to be deterred from taking this step through fear of eriticism or Ly specious argument as to its ex- pedienc The republican party prides Itself on being progressive, It is responsible to the people for good government. It has been trusted with the supreme control of the affairs of the state and Is ex- pected to frame the best laws for the government of the people that can be de- vised, Its duty in the premises is plain and should be courngeously discharged for the best interests of the state, One result of the visit of General Greely as chief signal officer to the Philippines suld to be arrangements with' the telegraph and cable companies connecting with our military telegraph lines there for reductions in tolls on gov- ernment dispatches amounting to one- third what has been charged on this business up to this time. The hug sums the cable companies have been exacting from the United States govern. ment for telegraphic communication be tween this country and the Philippines would go a great wa rd construe ne has come be a military as much as the milltary telegraph between the ports there oceupied by our coldiers, And the government will find It as much to its advantage fi and otherwise to conduct its own ¢ as it does its own militury telegraph lines, The report of the commissioner navigation presents highly gratify figures regarding the growth of Amw fean shipping in the constwise and lake trade during the past year, while the promise the current fiscal yes highly favorable, It appears that in this tonnage there has been attained prac- tically the maximum of 1861, before our merchant marine begun to d In this perlod of forty years the tonnage of the constwise and lake trade has nearly doubled and is still growing. It represents a vast domestic commerc and a large shipbuilding industr, ploying many millions of capital and a great deal of labor, On the other hand, the figures show continued decline In American tonnnge engaged in the foreign trade, The report states that although registered Amer- fean vessels increased over 62,000 tons during the year, Awmerican vessels car- rled only 82 per cent of our expor aud lmports, the smallest percentage in our history. Our fleet of ocean steamers in foreign trade is too small to be com- pured with that of foreign nations. The fleets of each of the four large British and German steawship corporations ex- ceed the Amerlcan fleet in tonnage, mil age and business. There is, of course, a large amount of Awerican capital in- vested in vessels sailing under forelgn tlags. but it rewains trae that in our fo elgn trade we are still almost entirely dependent upon European shipowners, How long we shall continue in this position of dependence is a question which presses for determination, Mr, McKinley said that one of the needs of the time is direct commercial lines from our vast fields of production to the tlelds of consumption that we have but barely touched. “Next in advantag he declared, “to having the thing to sell is to have the convenience to carry it to the buy We must encourage our merchant marine. We m more ships. They must be under the Amei fean flag, built and wanved and owned by Americans. These will not only be profitable iu a commercial sense; they will be messengers of peace and amity wherever they go.” That there is an advantage to Awerican exporters in control of steawships under the Amer- lcan flag it 18 presumed no one will ques- tion. The exporters of other countries find 1t to their advantage to employ their own ships and so would our exporters. This question of building up a mer- chant marine for our foreign trade, so that In this respect we may be inde- pendent of foreign' steamship owners and possess a most lmportant and es- sential means for extending our com- werce, will bave a prominent place in the attention of the coming congress. The admintstration Is in favor of en- couraging our merchant marine. In this matter President Roosevelt is in accord with the views of bhis predecessor, though as to the policy that should be adopted for attainiug the desired object his position has not been defined. It will doubtless be made clear in his first message to cougress. of in THE PENSION SERVICE. The general facts contained in the an- nual report of the commissioner of pen- slons were made public in advance of the Issuance of the report. It was al- ready known that the number of pen- sioners reached the high-water mark at the close of the last fiscal year, June 30, being then 907,735, 4,000 in excess of the number in any previous yea The value of the pension roll at the end of the year was $131,568,216, which was only a slight increase over the preceding year. The total disbursements for pen- slons during the year was $138,531,- 483.84. There are now 5,604 Spanish war pensioners. At the close of the year over 403,000 claims were pending, more than half of these being for an addi- tional allowance, What the public 18 not so familiar with 1s the fact indicated that there is much dishonesty in connectlon with pen sion claims and that this is costing the government aunnually a considerable sum, how much it is probably quite im- possible to determine, Under the act of June 7, 1888, which the commissioner pronounces bad and viclous, beeause a standing invitation to file rrandulent claims, widows are given an unlimited time in which to file claims for pensions on account of the death of their hus bands. Some of these clalms have been filed thirty-five years or more after the soldier's death and it is almost impossi- ble for the government to declde whether they are fraudulent or genuine, The arrearages in such cases are so large, the chances of detection so small, and the inducerents so great to commit perjury in preparing claims, that there is great opportunity for fraud. Com- missioner Evans expresses the opinion that every legitimate elaim for peusion, by reason of death during the war, or for years succeeding the war, has long since been filed and that in the interest of honest government and an honest system of pensioning this law should be repealed. Another abuse pointed out by the com missioner 18 the action of guardians ap- pointed for insane or mentally feeble pensioners. Many of these pensioners are cared for as paupers in public in- stitutions, the guardians drawing and retaining the pension money, thus de frauding the pensioners and the govern ment allke, Cases were found in which guardians were drawing pensions on ae count of their wards loug after the death of such wards, Sums of mone ranging from $1,000 to 826,000 have heen accumulated in the hauds of guardians while the pensioner was being cared for ing a cable line of our own. The only way we can get adequate facilities and satisfactory service, coupled with rea- sonable rates, will be by building and operating an Awmerican cable to Hono lulu and the Philippiues. Direct cable gomwunication with our new .posses- Dby the public. Hereafter this abuse will be met by making the guardian a gov ernment agent under the direction of the commissioner of pensions. No one who will read without preju dice the aunual report of Commissioner Evans can, we think, have any doubt he has a e with that sor an fairly and justly pensions, while lantly guarding the g possible fraud. There ably many defects in theypi but these cannot be remedied commissioner and it is unjust him responsible for them. It well for congress to give heced suggestions, to the end that the diture of “such vast sums of the people’s money should rest upon a system con taining more of the clements of protec tion to the government than found in the methods now pension claim ministered the pension irnest (¢ v to tr 1l proper claims fo + same ti nment ainst unquestion ssent systom by the to hold will to his expen Ve e can be in settling WHAT THE EV At the regular meeting of the Omaha school teachers Friday, Superintendent Pearse is said to have indulged in the following comment on the outcome of the recent school board election An event has taken place this week the like of which has never occurred before. It was a compliment to the efficiency of the schools and the esteem in which the teach- ers were held by the citizens. 1 feel sure the people now realize that the schools are theirs, The Interpretation Superintendent Pearse attempts to give to the election of the new school board mewbes misleading as was the false alarm by whic scores of credulous men and women were stampeded to the support of the democratic ticket. Instead of meeting squarely the demand for the abolition of nepotism, favoritisin and extravagance in the management of the schools, the adroit politician who stands at the head of the gchools raised a bue and ery about an imaginary conspiracy to make the public schools part of a political machine to promote the inter- ests of Towm Deunison. Instead of meeting the charge that the schools of Omaha are belng manipulated in the interest of the book trust, Superin tendent Pearse, who admits having been subsidized by the trust, adopted cuttle- fish tactics by which that lssue was ob- scured through the circulation of rumors and scandal stories that had no founda- tion fn fact. The rauk and file of the school teach- rs of Omaha are intelligent enough to know that the interpretation which Mr. Pearse tries to give to the “extraordi- nary event” is in reality un effort to create the fmpression that our eitizens, aud particularly the patrons of the schools, have voted to retain Mr. Pearse in the $3,600 position he holds. It is doubtless true the people realiz that the schools are theirs, But we feel sure that the people are not content with mere ownership, If the “extraordinary " signities thing it is this: The people do not want the schools run by any machine, whether it be political or commercial. They do not want the schools conducted for the benetit of the school book trust or any other trust or combine that seeks to pervert the school system or to divert the school fund to selfish purposes and schemes for private gain, NT SIGNIFIES s I8 a8 SMALL CHANCE FOR PANAMA. The prevailing opinion at Washington appears to be that there is ver chance of congr accepting the Pan- ama route, however favorable the terms, financially, which may be offered by the French company. It is understood that the has decided to make a definite proposition for disposing of its property to the United States, but there seems to be a number of complications that ave likely to render very difficult it not impossible any arrangement that would be satisfactory to this govern- ment. 1n the first place it Is stated that the company cannot dispose of its con- c fons without the consent of the Colomblun government and that has not been obtained. The idea of the neh company appears to be to have the United States accept its proposition and then negotiate a treaty with Colombia confirming the transfer, It is safe to sey that no such plan will receive seri- ous consideration in cong In the second place there are financial complications, Of the vast amount of money that has been expended on the Panama canal the present company which i8 now trying to sell out has sup- plied only a very small part of it, the greater portion having been furnished by the stockholders of the original Pau- ama Canal company. While the present company proposes to guarantee divi dends to the old stockhold: such guarantee would be of little value unless backed by the French government and the government of the United States, neither of which is likely to be disposed to assume such responsibility. The seems to be no doubt that the Panawma canal could be completed for less money than the Nicaragua canal would but in view of the dificulties and com- plications in regard to the former it is very probuble that will not riously consider it. com S8, cost, COugress r of Russia has r letter to his minister of finance upon the completion of the Trans-Siberian railvoad. All connected with this glant enterprise can well con gratulate themselves on its completion, The building of such a length of line through a wild country, with a tryg climate, Is a gigantic undertaking, It the railroad works as great a revolution in Siberla as did the building of the Pacific roads in this country the trend of commerce is sure to be cha L SEEEEE—— brings the that the grand vizier of Purkey Is dead from heart disease. To those familiar with urkish wethods the announcement of the death of the principal minister im- mediately following the French inter vention is not a surprise and heart dis ense will do as well as anything else to account for his taking off. The sultan himself, although known as the sick man of Europe, has heen most fortunate in avoiding heart dis with so many Jolts successively suffered sent i cons The telegraph news The town of Mass., has Just witnessed an unu smony in the reception tendered otficially to a del egation from the parent town of Glouces ter, England, cowe all the way to pay nall| IBER 10, 1901 the of the latter to new world namesake, Unfortunately Omalia and most of the cities in this vicinity can look for no possibility of this kind by names with which they have been endowed were not borrowed from any Kuropean geography. Uer haps, howey in the dim and distant future we ean participate in an ex change of municipal courtesies with gome new towns yet to arise in the un developed territories of the United States, rospects its use t Amerfean ships carried only 82 per cent of the foreign trade of the United States during the last fiséul year, The fmmense drain on the resources of the country which the freight charges paid these forelgn ships entails could not be borne were it not for our wonderful re but the fact that the country can stand it I8 no reason why it should do <o forever, With ample capital to own and confrol shipping there is no legitl mate reason why the ocean trade should uot be wrbed, sources, Commander Tilley reports to the Navy department that he has induced th tives of Tutuila to abandon the cus- tom of golng visiting until they have eaten thelr hosts out of house and home and glving exc wedding presents, Having su led =0 well in the fslands of the Pacitic he wmight be ordered home to work out simflar reform in his own country also of ssive Boston Globe, With $344,000,000 in round figures in gold coln and bullion in the treasury of the United Uncle Sam hasn't any fear of becoming immediately bankrupt. Distinetion Without n Difference. Somerville Journal. One differe! between the man who is in society and the man who isn't fs that the man who is in society calls it a car- rlage, and the man who isn't calls it & hack. Effect of Bill Reduction, Philadelphin Ledger. Havana has good results to show for Its eight months’ campaign against mosquitoes in a decrease of fifty deaths from yellow tever and cleven from malarial fever, compared with the same time last year. This is most encouraging, especlally since most communities would regard the diminu- tion of the mosquito crop alone a sufficient reward for all that has been doue in the matter, Tmproving Military Posts. Portland Oregonan. The recommendation of General Miles in his anbual report that the military pos| throughout the country be put in excellent shape for troops that are returned from service beyond the seas fs humang as well as soldierly. The men “who have borne the rigors of the Arctic climate In Alaska and the heat of the trofics, and under all circumstances maintained the character of the American army,” deserve a housing after their homecoming equal to tho best accommodation in barracks that is con- sistent with military discipline. Ancient and Modern Miracles, Philadelphia Times, There i3 a new wonder every day. In the bible the miracles number less than 100. The modern miracles run fnto the thousands over night—the miracles of science, fnvention, commerce and enter- prise. In the new part of the old world greater records are mounting on blg achievements. In the old part of the old world modernity Is playing grotesque tricks with history and making contrasts that provoke the serfous to merriment. Fancy, for instance, Diogenes sitting in his tub watching a trolley car go by and looking for an honest man only to hear the conductor ring up a drachma fare on a mechanical contrivance to protect him from temptation. “OUR FAIR AND RS Comparative Coat, Ine Profits of Recer Buffalo The statement which the Express has been able to make of the finances of the Pan-American afford interesting compari- son with the results of other great fairs. The Werld's Columbian exposition at Chi- cago had a total paid attendance of 21,- 630,854, Tho total receipts from all sources up to November 12 were $33,200,065.58. Of this sum $10,604,171.97 came from the sale of stock and $4,444,600 from bonds, while $2,448,022.28 were realized from the sale of souvenir halt-dollars, a gift from the United States government. Of the stock the city of Chicago subscribed $5,000,000. The sum of $14,14 11 was taken In dur- ing the six months that the fair was opened, mafnly from gate receipts and concessions and about $1,000,000 more from other sources. The operating expenses during the six months were §3,004,037.41, while the total disbursements up to the close of the fair, which included the cost of buildings and grounds, were $31,11 79. The final balance amounted to $2,610,630.90, with which to pay the $15,000,000 stock and bonds. The tend paid of whicl Exy On e of 2 The total recelpts wers i $501,675.47 was from admissions and $30 45 from concessions. Out of thls sum not only the expenses of the ex- position were paid, but the stockholders also were reimbursed in full. Omaha thus established the record of holding the only exposition in which stockholders got their money back, until Glasgow surpassed that mark in the present year by pi ng a sub- stantlal dividend to stockholders. The Vienna exposition of 1873 had a total attendanc f 54,687 and its receipts were $6,071,832. The Philadelphia exposition of 1876 had an attendance of 9,910,996 and re ceipts of 3381 The Parils in 1878 was 1 149,353, while the receipts respectively wera 50 and $8,300,000, All these fairs bad heavy deflcits At the Parls exposition last year there was an attendance of about 50,000,000 As regards expenses, M. Hanotaux wrote “France expend 200,000,000 or 10,000,000 francs to erect the exposition. She has re covered them easily In the Increase of treasury receipts, in the rplus of Parisian cetrol duties, in the ents remainiog to the state or the city, and In the quays, bridges and improved t portation fa- cilities bequeathed by the exposttion. More- over, there s been a gener cleaning up of the city, which has contributed to its brilliance and beauty.” Later an announce- ment was made that the exposition balance sheet showed deficit somewhat over $400,000 It can be Buffalo have pro done au well than some tlona fleit Philadelphia certalnly position had a total at- %, of which 1,7 50 were $1,024,07 it the 4 disappointing, we a8 most others and We have a smaller than had either Chicago or And the element of luck againat far more than Alts in have better propor- re. wis us agalnst country, any ether exposition Leld fn this No shrewd purchaser will think first making a visit of inspection at always in the lead in the plano selliog highest grade, either for cash or ON WAY, VOSE, EMERSON, IVERS & ™ STECK, A. B, CHASE, STRAURE REMARKABLE PIANO BARGAINS and 18 other standard makes | | | » without of investing a dollar in a pia chmoller & Mueller ™ 1, will hereatter sell plano $5.00 MONTHLY PAYMENTS. STEIN- OND, STEGER, MASON & HAMLIN, | tncluded, of the A FEW OF THE EXCEPTIONAL BARGAINS. Beautiful New Beautiful ma Burl Walnut ( Five Sumple 1 quare Planos Plano are agen playing device endos are cordially further Upright, ny pright AnCs rosewood cas seven and Organs, $15.( for rent. Instrum e wonderfu od by favited to inspect particulars call on or for and pla addr ess SCHMOLLER The Largest Piano 1313 Farnam St., Omaha, Tel. 16 BLASTS FROM RAW'S HORN, The door small Christian church pride. to great things are oftem very power does not depend on The tortuous path to power is the of its appreciation Faith pallfates tures of future pe A figurehead docs not a good head for mqnu- You had better contract your expemdi- tures than stretch your conscience. Friendship is one of tho fair flowers of paradise bldoming in our world of pain. It takes as much grace to give as it does to recelve a reproof in the right spirit. Much nolse about religlon may indicate tho confusion consequent on the lack of ft. He who gpeaks truth must expect to have tho liar's watchdog bark at bim for tres- puss. secret ent pains with the pic- necessarily have PERSONAL AND OTHERW It s sald the consulate of Zanzibar ls vacant because nobody can be found willing to take an $1,800 job at that point. Where are the patriotic sons of Ohio? The number of human freaks anxious to navigate Niagara Falls in barrels marks tho eastward progress of a modified version of “throwing a tub to a whale,” a prairie tever of long ago A hungry ple hunter In Kansas City, fail- 1ng to receive his reward from the city gov- ernment, fell upon an innocent alderman and masticated his ear. Chewing the ear i a crude way of italicising a tale of woe. Chicago has a new trade union composed of followers organized to lighten the burden of sorrow for the living and incidentally to induce funeral directors to divide. With professionad pallbearers and professional funeral directors organized, it is evident the theory of “a dead cinch” becomes an actuality, Bastern artists, inventors and poets are airing a well founded grievance against footballers, The profusion of hair sported by the Jatter is a rude fnfringement on the istinguishing marks of the former and tends to bring the long-haired ideals In sorrow to the grave. Lesser causes have led to scalp dances What promises to be the most expensive jag Uncle Sam has encountered is about to be investigated at Samoa. It is a naval toot and Captain Tilley did the tooting. A court of inquiry is trylng to fnd out whether the captain’s liquid loops ruptured the regulations, and the government will spend about $100,000 in the search. Adolphus Busch, head of the foreign de- partment of the St. Louls fair, suggests a postponement until 1904, in order to make 1t “a great international exposition.” It ts likely the suggestion will be adopted, not from choice, but necessity. To erect the bulldings within the present time limir, seventeen months, Is a task St. Louls might well hesitate to undertake. A Minneapolis paper reports that a lady in one of the larger churches in that city placed her pockethook in the singing book rack. “Do we sing out of that book?* whispered the Smart Aleck who furnished her a little transient amusement. “You will have to keep on the latch key,” she replied. “All right,” replicd the S. A, “piteh it on dough.” Then the choir cut in. A certificate found among the seized ef- fects of a visitor at St. Louls affords con- vinclng proof of one woman's sublime faith in man. “This is to certity,” says the document, “that 1, Mre. Blank, the legally wedded wife of Mr. Blank, do permit my husband g0 where he pleascs, drink what he pleases and where he pleases. 1 furthermore permit him to enjoy the com- pany of any lady or ladies he sces fit, as I know he is a good judge. I want him to enjoy life, because be will be a long time dead.” to All Styles and Sizes. Upright, and one-third octaves, worth double Paderowski case, §$128 $148 $108 the money, $178, $185, $210, $208 00 and up ents tuned, moved, stored 1 self-playing PIANOLA Moszkowski and them. and repaired the only self. seuthal You catalogues, prices and & MUELLER, House in the West, 337 Broadway, Council Bluffs DOMBESTIC PLEASANTRI Wil tatior Brookly: rest o and My fuses Lite the ¢ Henpeck ni, what s the Mian proposes sadly)~Won n seldom re. Somerville Journal for i reporte a widower first wi It is never fi writing up the w to mentlon the fact ded thirteen months ugo. co0d form dding of that his Philadelphla Pross: Ho You have ruined my life (knowingly)—Oh, 1o: my refu only equip you to make some other devoted and deferential husband (desperately) She Al will wirl a Chicago Post: man, | How? \ “He refuses to glve his wito any grounds on which to get a divorce with alimony “He 18 1 most inconsid understund.’ Chicago Post: reduce the amount demanded som for that missionary ? 8ie decturod 16’50 Uaquently o the wickedness of avarice that our coneclence forced us to a rebate pes “How did you come to eveland Plain Deale yuble between you 1% all my stupldity. 1 told her «he was an angel 8o many tmes that she aciun iy and now [ can’t got her within 100 yards of the curth What's the 1 Miss Flitey Chicago sh “What makes you ¥ 7" he asked 18 girl tossed he a combi ok fact that her engagement 13 &he replied, think rily and the nnounced,” Brooklyn Eagle: The § h =Then you would not to_marry? The Wily Fortune Toller—No v Is very much taller or shorter than the gentleman, or vice versa. In that case it does not seem to matter in the least. o Thing advise two brunettes unless the Hoston Transcript I have always you, and I have not ' unfavorably bemy wife? he—What a start vou gave me, Harry Do you know, T thought you were ',;.-l’n.‘.vr'l..,v ask'me to lend you some money, He—Clarice, you know thought a great deal of flattered myself you think of me. May I-will you Philadelphia Pres, morning, madam, you'll pardon my cailing g0 early, but 1 saw your advertisement for g i rtisement for Mrs. Mra. Klose—Good Hiram Offen—Surely you are not the plac AR . Klose—Oh, no! 1 . . and I thought you might all the applicants you reject a cook my- end to me THE DAY IS DONE, W. Longfellow The day Is d 1 the arknes Fails from the wings of niy il ight, feather I8 wafted downward From an cagle in his fight T see |h--lll;:hl'4 of the village m through the rain and the mist, And a feeling of sndness comes o'er me That my soul cannot resist A fecling of sadness ‘That {5 not akin to pain And resembles sorrow only As the mist resembles the nd longing rain, Come, read to me some poem Some simple and he: nlx{vll lay That shall ®oothe this restless’ fecling, And banish the thoughts of duy : from the grand old masters, from the hards sublin ¥ distant footsteps echo Through the corridors of Time. r mighty thoug Hess” toll and endeay And tonlght I long for rest, Read from « Who As sh or me himbles o his he 0f sum ers trom th » start; from the eyelid il Who, througl I AN nights devoid of vase SUIIl heard in his xoul th Of wonderful melodics & days of labor, musie Such =ongs ha The restless And come like' the “That follow s power to quiet of care. nediction \fler prayer, en read from the t 'he poem of thy cholee And lend to the rhyme of the poet The beauty of thy volce. sured volume And the night shall be filled with muste, And the cares th Infest the duy 11l fold their tents, like the Arabs, And as silently steal away Prices From $5 to $50. The genuine all bear the above Trade-Mark and are sold with a written guarantee. Awarded First Prize Paris Exposition 1900 Sold by Fi Made only Largest Clans Stove he N MILTON ROGERS & 50 : higan Stove akers of Stoves and Ranges in the ‘World, Merchants Everywhore. omy