Omaha Daily Bee Newspaper, July 25, 1891, Page 9

[ =~awvess that ‘ LLLLLI‘A“AIZ METE g | T ‘7""" “““s VY l‘ \ EAR. "I\ Jll l‘ TWO OF A KIND, Lizzte M. 1o ley 111 tell you something,* “1f you're certain, sure yo “Well, then,” “My papa, u g says little Bells, Vil never tell, whisper t, big 1 the little maid, an’s afraid “Oh, fsn't that funny enough ' laughed Sue, “Your papa's afraid, aud mine is, too ot of bears, or tigers, or bumble-bees, something a thou<and times worse than these, Vs t's a terrible thing that goes up and down Through every city, village or town, “And my papa says he almost knows ‘That things will be ruined wherever it goe: “Yes, lsn't it dreadful,” sigh, It will s says Belle with a enr, and, pipa says steal and lie peet it has horas and cloven fe And, Sue, what do you s'pose it will eat?"! Then closer together drew each little maid, Looking about us it half afraid They might see the thing with cloven fest, And find it Jiked little girls to eat And then they fanci And it gobbled th ed they heard it roar, up and eried for more, “Oh, 1t's name,’ 3 80 dread ful, too, Docs your papa call cried Belle it ‘Republ Suer Sue shukes her head For my papa calls it n A RACE FOR A BRIDE, When Johnay typhoid fever at home in the Fair Stream settlement, Yor yeurs ago, says the Sun, the pe wound mourned the loss of man who was the hero of one of the wildest wees for love and liberty this partof the Adirondack region ever saw. At the time of his death Duque-ne was a farmer and woodsman, but at the time he made a name for himseif he worked as a guide, a burk peeler or a . s oceasion offered. He was a handy young follow at either occupation, but he was as fond of a fiddle as a bear is of and never allowed work to interfere with an opportunity to attend a dance. He would at any time go anywhere from Herkimer to Boonville was o hop adver- tised, and let a chance to pilot half a dozen rich eity folks into the woods go to a neighbor, though, as all guides know, o job of that kind is commonly worth from 75 to $100. Beenuse of his love of a good time and lack of thrift Parmer James John Rob- erts scowled whenever he saw him, for zabeth, his daughtor, was very plainly in love with the reckless North Woods man. Farmer Roberts was not going to allow a girl of his to marry a man who “'sure Lo come on the toyn inside o ten years”—not if he could help himself. As most fathers do in such he relied on his nuthority as a parvent to prevent the match, and thus made a mis tal Johnnie came no more to the Rob- erts farm aftor ho was told to keep away, but Elizabeth went visiting her cousins, the Hodges, down in Remsen, and called at Bob Pony’s, on the Northwood road corners, and went to the Verdans, over in Bellnertown, more frequently than before, und it usually happened that Du- quesne was somewhero in the neighhor- hood when she arrived at either of these places. She always remained away from home over night on these occasions, and the young folks of the neighborhood knew, if the old ones did not, that she HOh, it Domo wn't bo that, YRED Duquesne died of his W molasses, a was cas ‘\w.m as apt to be found before morning at adance at Hinckley or Trenton Falls or Forestport, ns at tho place she bad started for on leaving home, Matters went on this way for a year or 80 when one day Elizabeth left home to £o to Remsen, her father concluded he must go over to Forestport to see Black Dun, a noted character there, about some spars he had to sell. It was “rather late in the afternoon when he drove up to the hotel, and he concluded he would wait for supper. Meantimo he lewrned that a dance dvertised for that night, and s, since dancing in Foresport always began immediately after supper, he thought he would look in and see the first quadrille. Hoap- wenred at the door. There at the far side of the room stood Mi lizaboth with Johnny Duguesne, the givl looking the handsomest he had ever seen her, as he often d afterward, and Johnnie “not so bad o'ft hadn't been fer his pizen laziness.” His first impulse was to go in there and take Mi poth by the arm and march her out of the room. Then ho recollected that Forestport young men didn’t countenance any such {nterruption of their fun, and that Forestport boys were bad ones to tackle. If he went in thus he was likely to be kicked out by the floor 'a srs, and he W by this thought inclined to diplom: His second impulso was to wait awhile. As he stood by the door considering what to do next, the dunce began. “Honors to yer partners.’ “PRirst four right 1 left. change Balance four way Johnny and Elizabeth room, almost took tho old man’s breath. It almost took theirs too, when they stoppod at the door, to see the old mun standing there glowor- ing at them But ¢ they went again totheir places in time for the next figure, leaving him to consider and decide if he could what to do next. They wore caught, but they were going to huve a good time while they could, and let the old man settle the mattor next duy. Po seitle the matter concluded that he dunce wis ov an) no flying Roberts would wait until the and then wke Elizabeth home. He could afterwurd make up his mind how 10 break up the mateh, and with that he secured aroom and went to bed, leaving word to be called at o'clock shurp. The dancing in those days usually ended ut ¢ in the morning After the old man had turned in, th hotel provrictorslipped around to wher Johnuy was seated und expluined the lay of the land. Something had w0 be done to save the girl from trouble, but what todo was the question. It took soveral hours to reach a decision, but ut ©4.80 o'clock the noxt morning the young couple left the hotel in the rig they had tome in and drove ona jog trot out of town and over the river near the big tannerios and up the hill on their way to Prospect. They wore going to sew ho Mothodist predchor thove anl warricd, and then lot the old man r his anger as best he might As luck weuld have it Fufmer Roberts woke up just as the couple started. Hearing the noise of their departure, he jumped to the window just in time to ¥eco guize the giuy hore (the farmer's Farmer 't S | might have had a THE OmaHA DalrLy BEE. own, by the way) that Johnny wasd iv- ing. Farmer Roberts concluded they were bound to Remsen, and the way he got into his clotk was a caution to tailors to make strong garments, 'Then down the stairs he tumbled, calling to the hostler to get out the buckboard *‘as quick ns the Lord'll let ye,” and ran to the barn, The hostler got there on the instant, but never before had Farmer Roberts hud so much trouble in getting the harness on his horses, “Some of them fellars at th' dance. the hostler explained, “never take no notice of what they're doing when they put out their crittors. They've mixed yer harness up teriible, Farmer Roberts thought the hostler and in the mixing, but diseretion mude him keep still on that point, and so in the course of half an hour he was on the trail, hot toover take the lovers. As he mounted the hill beyord the tannery the first rosy streak of light appe d in the cas elated at the thought of having the quarry soon in view, he whipped up his nug and was off at at a pace that should have uccomplished his desive very quickly. Here, howover, he made a mistake, After crossing the bridge over the rive there are two roads, The best one.over to Prospect, goes steaight up the hill, but the other, which is long turns to the left and goes around by the old tav- 2rn t stands near the back yard of s tannery. A cross road on the top of the hill unites the two, and Johnnie, with a woodsian’s instict to double on his teail, had cut across to the lon road. He thought he would very likely have o run for it. Onemay go by either road to Remsen, but me oberts had the betier voad for that 1 away he went, and drove nearly u third of the way to his destination without seeing anything of tne white horse. Then he found a farmer out after his cows who said nosuch rig had passed that way. **Loc at the dust, Mr. Roberts, he suid, *Why, there ain’t no tracks in it.” Sure enough, Farmer Roberts had never thought of that, and back he went toward Forestport. o had lost a good Nhour by his mistake, but he had got an iden that he thought would help him, fnstead of immediately taking the other road, as he reached the tannery he paid $i0 for the use of a fresh team, the tannery bays, n famous pair of horses, and then drove over to the telegraph oflice at Forestport, routed out the oper- ator who lived near by, and left this message to be sent to Remsen, for there was an carly train that would get the operator out early there: Constable John Davis: A reward of & will be paid for the arrest of Jobn Dugueste, churged with stealing gray horse of James John Roberts % This done he started on the trae trail of the runaway lovers ut a gait to make the slow-going farmers along the route asp as they saw him. Meantime Johuny and Elizabeth were jogging along with considerable comfort though both were excited over the ad- venture, and both were tired after the dancing of the night before. Reaching the corner where the Remsen road turns off, they suddenly decided to go there instead of to Prospect, especially as that village was two miles nearer. They were anxious to have the knot tied. Nevertheless Johuny was too good o horseman to tire out the horse by hard driving when he might have a race on his hands, and so it was about 7 o’clock when he reachea the long row of wooden houses along the railroad track at Rem- sen station. The main road passed about ono hundred yards from the depot, und us he drove along he suw the ugent coming out of the station earrying an envelope in his hand, The agent, a good friend of his, hela up his hand. “Drive to Prospect like the devil and John Davis was after you.”” he yelled, and Johnny without u question”shook the reins and suid “‘get up. The race was on, for Farmer James John Roberts with hi sh team was tearing down the voad but four miles away. From Remsen to Prospect it 1s anearly level track, and there was no hope of eluding the old man by u side cut or doubling on the trail. Johnny knew very well it was a question of speed now, for he understood the refer- ence to Constable John Davis, and that the old man would stop at nothing to i toreept ov overtake him. iet up, Bess,” and he plied the whip until the gray broke into a gailop and wout tearing out of the viilage with a clatter that startled the sleepy-going people on all sides, It was less than three miles to Prospeet and his nag could stand that much of a run. *She’s got to stand it,” he thought, as the flecks of dirt thrown up by the wheels peckod him on the back and head. “Get up. Bess. By gol, Lib, we've got to run, but we'll feteh” the still water ahead o' his hounds, never fear.” The farm folks stared in as they flew along the road. Some men ran out thinking it was a runaway. Men in milk wagons pulled hastily to one sido lest a collision upset them. Some recognizéd them and the circumstance and yelled and cheeved hilariously, while Johnny gritted his teeth and held u tight rein,” and the givl by his side, with flushed cheeks and hor hair stream- ing out, looked straight ahead and never suid n word. A mile outlies the only grade worth mentioning between the two places. Up this grade Johnny pulled the horse into a trot and on its sammit, with the Methodist church steeple of Prospect in view, turned to look toward Remsen, SGet up, Bess.” There was nothing in sight, but once more he plied the whip and ina canter the gray dushed down the long slope and a few” minutes later was swoating and pufling under the old maples in front of the parsonuage 1n Prospect. The preacher’s wifo stood smiling in the gavden. “Tell Mr. Jordan to come right here, quick,” said Johnny. He was not going to lose any time getting out of the wigon—was going to be married right there. 1 can’t,” said the woman, to Wilmurt,” “Great Lord! Getup, Bess! We can reach Trenton ahead yet,” said Johnny, und the horse dashed off toward Tren: ton, but was turned at the next corne uround the block, and away they went up the road toward Northwood, wher workmen und a parson were building a iittle Presbyterian chureh, Johnuy had hoved to throw the old man off the' trail by the remark and the feint wward Trenton, and he partly succes d, for when the father stopped at the parson- nd asked where the runaways were, tho wife, with womanly sympathy, told him what she had heard Johnny suy, and that they hud stavted toward Trenton, She did not tell all she kv ubout the matter and Johnny made s a good gain thereby that he' was gullop- ing off the planks at the end of the turn pike, up ut Gung Mills, before Farmer Roberts,plunging down toward Trenton, learned that ho was astray. But now the real fight was to come. The gray wus gotting tired and the road from Gung Mills to Northwood is four miles amazement “He's gone t, und | mile is corduroy deap with eand it, and it made 1 the brook b sawmill and half are | long, of which a and two miles Johnny knew all about him groan as he crossc the little old water-power went jolting over the corduroy, Mor than one man has thoughe that stretch interminable, but never before nor since did it seem o long as it did to Johnny. Hall way to the end he could sit still no longer, and giving the reins to the girl he jumped out to lighten the load and until the corduroy ‘and the more than mile long stretch of heavy sand be- yond were passed, trotted and ran along- side saying a cheerful word now and theun to the horse and the sweetheart to keep their courage up. Then he reached the Ninety-six suand jumped in. Although was still a streteh of heavy road it was not long. Probubly hud known how near the farmer was he ild have run o half mile more. . But was soon to learn about the old man’s | gait Just a mile below cor- th ahead, he Northwood lies the | Thomas farm, and from the rond here | one ean look ncross tields and valloys to the sandy streteh at the end of . the cor- duroy some two miles below., Turning his head as the Thomas house was: passed Johnnie saw a cloud of dust tarown sud- denly into the air at the end of the col duroy, and recognized not only the crack bay team, but the form of Farmer I'homs in shirt plying the whip, Without word Johnny tarned to the gray. The road lay fair before him,and it was hard and smooth. The whip swished as it came down on the hor they were in the home streteh now, and they would reach the parson if they killed the horse. Miller's horse was passed inajiffy. It was a little labored then up to Luzern Ingersoll’s, but from there down to the frog pond the wheels fairly rattled and jumped over the roeks Up hill again they climed for a few rods and then down a Steep decline at a rate that sent them round #ie bend near the Boerslield bridge on two wheels. The old gray was doing wonders, and the hopes of the lovers swelled. In a minute more they were flying down the hill past Gus Odit’s, by the mill yard and all this timeold Roberts was leanin, over the dashboard lashing his bays and foaming at tho mouth in a way that mukes the people think to this day that he was for the time fairly insane. The galion and roar as the runaways crossed the littlo bridge at the sawmill brought the loafers in the little yellow store in Northwood out on the veranda to see what in the world had struck the town, but they had hardly reached the store door before the oid gray, covered with foam and trembling with exhaus- tion, was pulled up in front of them. At the head of the store procession stood Dave Thomas, an uncle of the girl, with whom Johnny had once had a_ substan- tial row. Johuny's fuce turned a doad- ly pale. If Dave interfered he would kill him, and it was with the feeling that he was sived from crime that he suw Dave ran hastily around the store. Where was the parson? **He about somewhere. Reckon he'll be here presently,” deawled one. Presently! That won’t do. Bring him here quick—ah! cle Dave! Uncle Dave!” The girl jumped up on her fect, her face fairly vadiant. Then she sat down again und hid her face from bushfulness. Uncle Dave held no ill wilt. He had, indeed, gone after the parson and here he wus. The parson smiled appreciatively on everybody, and then as the spectators stood grinning in rewurn s id: *Join your right hands.” A cloud of dust that made tremble with apprehension app the hill beyond the suw mitl, **What is your name, sir?” “John Dujjuesne. “And her’s?”’ “Ilizabeth Roberts.” *John Duguesne, do you take this wo- man, Elizabeth Roberts, to be your lawfully wedded wife, and do you prom- ise to 'ove, cherish and protoct her us long as you and she shall live?”” ilidoitd The bays were plunging down the hill toward the bridge over the brook by the mill pond. “Blizabeth Roberts, do you man, John Duquesne, to bo your lawful wedded husband and do you~ promise to love, cherish and obey him as long as you and shall live?” The answer, reely heard because of the roar of the farm er’s wheels over the little bridge and be- fore more could be said he dashed around the corner, velling: *1 forbid; I forbid.” hen I pronounce you man wife,” suid the parson. “Letus pray. Favmer Roberts was wild with anger, bot he was adevout church member, and when he pulled up his team befor the group. where all heads w bared and bowed and the parson was praying, his religion got the better of his anger, and his hat came off, They say that this prayer was longer than such prayers are wont to be, and that in calling upon the Almighty to blegs tho newly wedded pair the pavson did not fail to argue the case with the father nor to impress upon the young 1 tha chureh’s views of husband’s It scems to have been a fervent cctual prayer, for they say that her and the son-in-law became then und there, and that Du- quesne ceused from that time on to go about the country secking for dances and soon became one of the substantial citizens of the Twin Lake Stream settle- ment. Johnny red on take this and and efl the f: friend - His Great Sorrow. Tribune “Poor the impulsive, Hyou look if some sorrow.” *You ight, mum,” battered tramp, gratefully the doughnuts and bowl of fr *I have.” Muy T ask what it is? “*Yes, mum,” he said, with his mouth full, *I lost both my parents when I was nothin’ but a small boy.” “Had you no friends?” “Yes, mum: [ had an uncle, T lived with him till 1 was a good-sized chunk of a boy, and then he died,” *Aud had you no other friends?” *Only an aunt, mum, 1 nt to live with her next. I was very happy at my aunt’s till—till *Don’t speak of it, uwakens painfi It broaks rse to come, ‘Died? *No. She was a widow, you know, and up and mgreied again, Married o mean, stingy, ornery cuss of a man. He drove me ont of the house before he had been there three weeks, | **And then?” “And then, mum,” said the dejected traveler, a frightful spasm of pain dis- torting his face at the recollection, ‘I l bad to go to work man!" warm-hearted you had known Chic imed 2o ex- as ad the accepting sh mi ar answi wy poor man, if it | memories,” 1 all up, mum; but there’s W My aunt—she— my aunt was, she OMAHA. SATURDAY JULY 25, LET THE 10, Richard Brinslen 8erid Here's to the maiden of basbful fifteen ; Here's to the widow of fifty; Here's to the flaunting extravagant queen, And here's to the housowifs that's thrifty. Lot the tonst pass, Drink to the 1nss, 'l warrant she'll prove an excuse for tho . glass, Here's to tho charmer whose dimples we orizo, Now to the maid who has r.one, sir; Here's to the girl with a pair of blue eyes, Aud bere's to the nymph with but one r. Let the toast pas Drink to the lass, I'll warrant she'll prove an excuse for the ulass, Here's to the maid with a bosom of snow, Now to her that'c brown as a berry s to the wife with a face full of w Aad now to the damsel that's merry, Let the toast pass, Driok to the lass, I'il warrant she'll prove an excuse for tho glass, Ior let 'em be clumsy or Lot ‘om be slim, Young or ancient, I earc not a feather, So fill w pint bumper quite up to the brim S0 fill up your glasses, nay fill to the brim, And let us e'en toast them together. Lot the toast pass, Drink to the lass, I'll wareant she'll prove an excuso for the glass, YARNS AEN UsRAVEL M. QUAD'S FISHING ROD. Major Osman, who was secretary of state for Michigan for two terms, teils a San Francisco Call man that M. Quaa, the funny man of tne New York World, is one of the most eccentric individuals in the worid and always filled with odd notions, “Just before I started west,” said the najor yesterday, *Quad, who is an enthusl- astic fisherman, went into a sporting goods store to look at some fishing rods. After looking about him he espied au ash rod in a rack on tho wall that scemed to suit his fancy, ow, thero is a rod’ remarked the humorist, ‘that is just the kird of one that I want, but you fellows are too stiff in your prices, I can buy the material and have one mado for less mone “As he hadu't inquired the price the clerk was iudignant, and politely suggested that ho huve one made. The hint was promptly acted upon, and Quad hastencd away to @ lumber yard, where for $0 cents he pur- chased o piece of ash that he fancied would suit his purpose. A mechanic was employed by the day to make the rod, and nis labor cost #1150, Tivs aud ferulos were bought for 50 cents, and when complete the rod repre- sented an investment of 1420, but it was a beauty. ‘Paking it with him to the store Quad” proudly deposited it on the counter, and said triuvmphautly: T told you I could lay you out. Just look ab that fod and tell me it it is not equal in_every way to tnat one in your rack.’ & S well, perbaps it1s, Svas the response ‘How tuch dia it cost you! “0nly $11.20." « :Cheap as_dirt, but Il sell you that one ro for six bits.! nd it wat a fact. The rods wero almost, identical, but the regular price of the ready- mado rod was the price’ named, and the wholesale cost was just 30 cents.” e A TRUE FISIL STORY. The gentloman who tells a big fish story unfortunately lays himself open to suspicion that, in_isolated cases, has been proved un- just. But not often can one tell oue like this that. tho Chicago Globo vouches for, and prove it by cold testimony that no one could impeach —that of his wife: “That's not much of a fish story, Mr, White. Why, whea [ was traveling up one of the small rivers in southern Alaska I saw fish in such great numbers that tho water could uot bo scen. It wus a most remavkable thing, aud 1 never heard of the like before orsiuce. They were actually so thick that they were wedged in the water heads down, and all that could be seen was thousands of their wiggling tails sticking up out of the water, cach _one, of course. having an indi- vidual motion of its own.” A shout of laughter greeted Mr. Walker from every one except Mr. White, whose face flushéd up hotly, then paled until it was whiter than a sheet, as he saia: “Bat, Mr. Walker, my story was true.” “And so was my story true,” responded Mr. Walker. Aud the best of it was that Mr. Walker's story was literally true, as Mrs. Walker later fu the evening testified. It was in the spawning season, and just above the spot where the remarkible sight was witnessed wis a narrow rapids. Tho saimon went up the stroara in such uumbers that many were crowded out of the water, aud gave to the scene litecally the aspect told by Mr. Walker. PAT'S TEMPTATION, Oue of the members of the Now York sen- ate, who has passed through a good many ex pericuces during his lifetime, says the Buf. falo Express, was in his younger days u track walker oi o Now England railroad. At each cud of his route was a small station. The ouly versous to watch him were in these uciizuboroods, IPat (it 13 needless to say he was an Irishman) hived 1 a small house be- sido the track, about half a mile from one of these stations. Ho was the fortunate owner of au old horso and wagon. This is what led to his_temptation and downfall. There w w good wagon road running parallel with the track all the way ““Pat,” said the tempter, “‘what's to hinder your riding between stations “It wouldn't do,” said Pat. But the idea had taken hold of him, and one raiy nignt he tried it He left hs horse half a mile trom cuch cud of his beat aud walked to the stations at his usual time Ovor the rest of the distance he rode on the turnpike, trusting to luck that the track would be all_right., 'I'he thing was so casy that it_soon became & settled practice with bim, v three or four months he guarded the company’s property in this way and no one was the wiser. Then he was spotted, and a sumwary discharge followed. A man with your genius for dodging work ought to be a lawyer," said the superintend- ent. “Faith, I think so_meself,” answerod the discharged traci walker, and'a lawyer he be- came. s TIE SNAKE BITE SPECIPIC, O. M. Todd of Evansville, who 1t tho Tabernacle church yestc vs the Indianapolis Journal, is a guest MecGilliard, and,in conversation with ‘a reporter rewarkéd that he was over seventy years old and not in very shape, us bis right sido was partial alyzed. At this ho showed his right upon which the fingers were shrunken, hooked, and distorted, and remarked that it all came about throvgh u rattesnake. “Five yoars ago," sald he, *July 6, while on my farm at Tuscola, L, T was bitten by a rattlesnake.” *Did_you drink whisky as an autidote!” d the reported. Tuscola wus o prohibition town and I I was a prohibitionist. It was impossible w0 procure whisky —that is, for prohibitionists ana the poison” had almost done its work be fore any could bo procured. L owe my life to to s son of Beliul named Joseph Smith, who lived about four miles away. Ho had whisky und furnishea me some, which, us 1 said, probably suved my life.” Mr. Todd is not the uncompromising pro- itionist he once was He thinks the doc 10 can be carried to o dangerous extreme, i cites bis own experience, PROGRESSIVE EDUCATH Uncle Stephen, an old negro out the ss 10 tho front yard, suys the jrandon Bucksaw, and as Colonel Winte sturtod out to his office he stopped to grect the old man Rev. preach day, of "M bad come to said the colonel, give your son an 1 hgar 4 intond to educa “Dat's what I does, sah, [ knows what 'tis wruggle along widout beok larain’, au' I l\\l I VAR \(.lu. is 'termined dat my son shan't trabble bar foot ober the same hard road Jdat I did." “A noble reso Stophen fathers felt so. Is your boy learning idly i SE7 fast rap ez er hoss can trot, sah. Why, lust week he wrote a letter to his aunt dat lives mo' dan twenty miles from yere; an' after awhile he gwine to write his udder aun dat libs fifty mile away “Why doesn't he write to her now " “Oh,” he 't write so fur vit. He ken write twenty mile first rate, but I tole him not to try to write fifty' mile till he got stronger wid his pen. Buf he's gwino tor git thar, I tell you. Won't be more'n er year fo' dat boy keén sot down at one cend ob do gumbronment an’ writo er | lur 1o do udder cond.”! NO AVOCATION, Here is a portion of the exami which an old luwyer told me bie was subjected when he applied for a license, says the Dallas (Tex.) WS, The oldest member of the amining committee interrogated him “Are you familiar with any gamo chance!" *No, sir." 't you know how to play any game of of you understand cuchrel” heard of it before.” 't bo possible you never a game of draw poker “Yos, sir, it can, [ um and - don’t know ndulged in a member of the e card from an- “Well (after a long pause of astouishment), voung man, we'll give you a license, but how in the world yow're oing to make a living for the first two or three years after you start to practicing law is a mystery to us.’' BURKOS AND BUREAUS, When ex-Governor Axtell was about leav ing Albuqueraue, where as governor of New Mexico unde ud administration lie had resided, od a car to take his houschold and persoual effects to his home in Cleveland, O. His now Mexican admirers presented bim with a pair of burros just be- fore the car, loaden with furniture, to be started on its eastern journe, burros must bo sent in it, and by readjusting the load room was made in one end of the car for them. The car arrved all right at Cleve land, but the railway freight agent coutd not malke the coutents of the car tally with the bill of lading, so telewraphed” to Albuguerque as follows Car , Lake Shore road, re- ceived; contents short two bureaus and over two jackasses. What shall [do?” Ther “Put yourself in pl A NEVENGEFUL PETITIO Some one told me the other day old it may ba, but new to me -of the litt of a famons English actor, which seemed an mmonly ¢ood one, says the Boston Tho boy had been flogged for some orfense against domestic disciptine, and remained in o erave and pensive mood throughout the day, and at night ‘he concl- ded. his ble petition : 0, 1 bless everyh malke me a bottor astor|than my. favhor For striking u sensitive place and through u safe, not to say holy channel, that vit of di- plomucy would be hard to mateh, RUBING TTINTO BILL. Jim Sniverly had been absent from Austin for several years, says Siftings. Ho re- turned not long since, and one of the first men he met was Bitl Tinkerson, They bad just taken a social drink, when Bill re- marked : Do you remember Sally Jano B « “That great big, gawky, red-headed girl with freckies as big as a dime all over her nose, who limped and was uglier than o crazy quilts? “Yes—that's the gal.” “Of course I remember her, forgot her. It is impossibleto duplicate a faco like that. She had a mouth like a_cat- fish, anl a smile like an open valise. What of her “Oh, nothing; except she is my wife b SAIURDAY SOLACE, arley.? Nobody could A Reckless Mule, Brooklyn Life: “Wal,” began the Missou- vl man, “that thar mule—" Whang! The mule planted both feet in the speaker’s stomach, knocking bim through the tank side of the barn. “My heaveus ! cried the tourist, “the poor man must surely be kitled outright.” “Nope,” answered the Kansas man_coolly, “Idon't’ reckon it fetched him. When a man’s stummick Jin stand Mizzury whisky for thirty years, it—Hello! there ho is now.’’ Yep,” continued the Missouri man, re tering, “us I was sa; t thar mulo—" Far and Nea ton Post: “I wish,” said Mrs Serippins to her husband one Sunday, “that you would go and consult an oculist at once.” “Why," he exclaimed, “there 15 nothing of my eyes." wmust be,” shio went on calm “1 never heard of a case where a man was so near-sighted at the opera wnd 5o far-sighted in church.” Summer i sort Bssentials, New York Truth: The esseutial social qualifications of our four great seaside resorts may bo thus epitomized Shape at- Narragansett; At Newport its booule; Blooa at Bar Harvor, At Long B voodle. Bangor Comum: fast 1o business man en- place and asked at what the first train left in the morning. At replied the man. “Ha! ha!” Tanghoa ntleman. “I'm rigut for once. 'l go bowe and tell my wife) “What is up?’ asked the man, “Well, you see,” replied the goutloman, 1 and my Wife had alittle dis pute about’ the time tho _ecarly train left and 've beaten hor, ha, hu.’ “Wuat time did your wife say the train went out!’ *Quar. ter before seven,” replied the man, *“*Ha,ha, I've beaten her and Ul go right home, ha, ha.”? Tone it D wn, Pharmnceutical Erva: A dentist whose stories are always founded on fact tells of a negro who came to bim with his wifo to huve one of her tecth extracted Gas being something whose mysterics added terror to its charms, the solitous darkey questioned: *Couldn’t you give her sufin’ a little milder'n gas, doctub ¢ Couldu’t you gibe her gasoline!” The Poet’s 1 venge. Atlanta Constitution. “Is the editor iuf" asked the poet, with a smile that was far from brignt “He is,” said the dvowsy priater; *(hoy run him in last night.” Then the noet lunghed —for revonge is sweot and gratefully went bis ways, And softly hummed as he trod the streev: Toa dollars or thirty days ! Lost Her Su Post: “Thank you ever so much, littls boy, 1've speut ali my mouey, and if I'd lost v package of ¢ tickets I'd huve hud to walk home, Whereever did you find them ‘Right here, tloor.” “CGood tickets fn this packag Washington miss, in this crack in tue gracious me! Here the thumb of my e must be my new re my car Why, bathing suit." Lack of Keverence, Indianapolis Journal voung Mr Gotham familiar with Browniug w auy de greef’ “Famillart’ repeated the Boston maid, “He is positively fliopant Not to i e Resisted, Talker—They tell mo the Minnesota legis- lature Las just passed @ very striugent pro hibitory liquor law Walker—1'm not surprised a Minneso! slature pass! Talker—A is about the know of What wouldn't var ouly tuing I A Compliment Boston Tr Feuderson | & compl wseript Had quite nent tod Sol Fenderson looked like Man told me [ looked like— confound we if I cau think who I wish all | ation to | [ it was now. Tt age. Let me see | Foee™ It wasn't Washing Wellington? General Grant!? Fendorson—Al! [ have got it. Ho said [ Yooked liko the devil. I knew it was some groat historical persor I feel quite [ tirted up about it, quite lifted up The Dearest Spot, You seck the dearest spot on sarthi Ah, seeker, dry your eyes You'll tind it rouni the cornor, where They do not advertiso. s & groat historical person- 11 Napoleon! Demosthanes f The Military Bray. Pioncer Press ble dispateh says t after viewing the maneuvers of a bod. British troops “tho emparor drove ove Bray on the Thames.” He undoubtedly co od that it would be discorteous to bra thio troops were passiug, at of to The Ruting Detroit £'ree Pross 1owes, the allinnce candidate, blew out the gas Well, that's a change, doing it right that dead Bel He anybow. He's been i for a living, The Modern Muse, Paarameeutieal Era is my muse?” 1 frantic eried, sooth, she tarries long; 1 fain would have hee sit by me, While I make up a song. “She has donned her cos Most wily And gone dow A box o v ship bat— o coquettes town to p cehuse An Oject off sympathy. Brooklyn Lifo: “Sco that fellow there He doesu’t know where he'll got next meal “You surprise me. He is dine at b ove s He looks well-to-do, " 1t he doesu’t know whether he'll neor the club," Give him Son Epoeh d he, “You are a li And Chippie answe much admire thing New. 1 “Pooh! sir, Kicking Constitueut —Every oucof your bills fuil to pass. Wrathful Assewblyman—But every one of the boys who wanten a pass got one, didn't they ! What do you want —the carth ling to her reason s like to gain his bliss Than be who ventures o a kiss, Combined with gontie squeezin’, The Powder Mill, Lifo For heaven's sake get away ! Don’t come any nearer! Scroggles—Wot's der matter wid yer? Watchiman —Can’t you sec that is a powder mill? How dare you' come so near it with a nose like thut! Some Summeoer grgements, New York Herald, I met_four beautesus maidens by the sea, 1 plighted troth with each and every one, [ lightly thought they'd gladly sct me AS soon ws giduy summer's days o But no, ulis! they Ior breach of promise and each wou. werc all of them sued me plaintif THE RISING G iNi. How a Chicazo Boy Works It. Chieago Mail: The wind was blowing stifily and the bridge at Dearbore: street was open, “Look out for your hat an old gentlema he was oo rolled intot and dug his k Vell, yo other hut o SAin't g-g--got othin’ fled the youngster. “That’s too bad, Ty street “Cateh that hat wister, please,” and as the old, worn-out head coveriug floatea into the river a small, barehaded boy sank down on the pavement, sobbing violently, Three men's hands vont into their pockets aud threo silver quarters gravitated towara tho small boy, I pecred into his face. It was the sauie lad. LATLON, my boy!" shoated of portly appearan Phe lut sriver. The hoy beg: uckles into his oy 1, you'll have to buy an- 1 crying ter buy with,” snuf- ‘ Here's a dollar for you.” ty minutes later [ was at the Clarke cstay. i Courier. The poets of summer sing, The birds may do the sam And men and nature miy o In coming to proclaim. But the jov of post, bard 1s really vory dim. Compared with that thesmall boy teols, Who now is in the swim 1d such They'd Eetter Look Cut. sw York Recorder: -Mamma,” said broken hittle Bess, whose pet dog haa just died, “where lus Juck goue, do you ik —to heuve “Perhaps,” said Bess tholght hear uning, to comf about it for u w resumed: “Mamma, | guess gels'll be awful scaved when thoy comin’ along—he's 50 Cross Lo strangors, iilo, and the an soe Jack nocent Childhood. Puarmaceutical Era: Physiciaa (crossly You have avery bad tempir, my child.” Small Boy -1 wouder at that. Pa told ma only yestorday, that if 1 kept on taking your wedivine I'd be an augel in a short time. Angels are good tempered ain't they 1 Vay Be False Teeth Galveston News: Mrs. Kate Williams, u domestic of Houston, Tex., has given birth 1o & boy baby with a full sct of teetn, The doctors puzzled. Tue new armval is a perfect child and as lively a8 a newspaper reporter. Not sinee ays of Richard 111 bus such a youngster been heard of. 1t Was All Make-Believe, roit Press: A Dotroit mother ovorheard her children cngaged iu u uoisy controversy, looked in upon them with a roenonstrance “You are making quite too much noise,” she said. 0 mamma, please go away,” littie four-year-old son; *wo're only make believe children, and Wwe'voe got a mako believe mother, and we're making believe we won't mind a word she savs, ' De who leaded her . A Wise Child Chicago Globe: Proua Father (showing off his oy before company) —My son, which would you ratner be, Shakespeare or Bdison ¢ tle Son (after meditation)—1'd rather ond 1athe Lattle Son Yest Whyt ause be ain’t dead A Father's Wish, Kate Field's Washington: *“‘Dear, tho baby's crying, Get up und warm the milk 1 wish the vaby wero like the stove,” How do you miean ! “A self-feeder A New York Herald thist was U dication ‘Poh ! You could tell chuol toacher's house,” said bas & slate roof. A Distinstion Burdette: *You can't add milk asked the teacher, roared th allest boy ind with amazement, to the milk to water, the cluss, er;j you No Qustion 1 Tomu 1 down A by It was the old Ror pit to save the to ut the son. Ho was d 1 vignt.” A Youthiul Baiter Baby McKoo is a bright boy story about catehing six fish shows It is exceptiounlly interesting for oue 80 young, 1 Of course he qk&&&\kl““‘ 1 Pages9to 12. Ll g B ) J Cm 37, NUMBER ASUNMER SO Frank Holliday, In A quict nook of tho Polar Sea | 1 drenmed last night I sat, [n & seersucker coat that reached my knea, Aud fanning with my haty An i od and trickied down I'0 cool my vertebru, While T ate hundfuls of driftod snow In an absont-minaed way. o m { playod leap frog with the polar bear, In snow wost threo feot deep, Aud then I sat in a blast of mir Until I fell asloep; Anda eyclone arifted up heaps of snow And buriod me out of sight, But [ could hear the chill winds blow Like a ghostly moaving sprite. [ heard the icobergs groan and grind Through an open Polar se 1 was cool in body and in ming And happy as [ could be; 1 awoke and heard a *'sizz," Liko something fryiug hot I'he mercury climbing right up to “biz* Lo the top of the tuboe ho had got 2 DOINGS OF PLAY FOLKS. Miss Min old 1 Galo has de “Tho ; dod to add thay it Wonder,"” to hor repe Go*, who has been {1l lately, nas recoveroed, and is ac @ aunin at the Theatre Francaise, He is sixty-cight yoars oid. Look out for a surfeit of bacearat * aud topical song verses by the minstre wusic hall singers next season Wi ediam, yea comedy | und inm Davidee, son of the famous come ud an actor of some noto himself, wiil v of Rolaud Reed's company next The play founded on *Le: revived at the Porto St. July 14, with Dumamo in Val Jean Miserables'” Martin, in the part was Paris, of Joan nka, ton LS * which opens at the old Boyd Opera Sunday afternoon, has more piper on the walls than any other production ever seen in Omaha, The popularity of the Handel the 1 festival at idon Crystal palaco is shown from the ¢ stated a8 follows: Rehearsal, 16,0075 Monday, 20 57;_ Wednosday, 21,453] Friday, 93 total, 80,79 i The operetta by Planquette, in which Agnes Huntington will appoar next season, is called “Captain Theresa.” Tt was written for hev originally, and was then sold to Rue dolph Arouson, from whom Miss Huntington bought it back. Minna Gale will ding man have Creston Clark for the coming scason. Miss s repertory will consist of “Fazio," “SIngomar,” A% You Like It “Pygmalion “Guido Ferranti,” and *Tha »s of Padun.” g I'he season of French plays in London this 1 was not very successfil, but most of the ritics azree that Coquelin acted with a finer skill and a ereater carnestness thad he has exbibited for some timo, Ho was especially admivable in *‘Les Fourberies de Scapin.” Mes, Cavter is still taking lessous in acting, aud if lessons caa mako an nctress she will be ¢ Sheis to appear in “Miss Helyett Xt season, and, us this piece is u musical weay, is 'studying singine, Ml mith, the baritone, is to be a member of the company. Ouc of Pincro’s plays, *The Profligate,” has been adapted for the German stage under the title of “Falscho Heilige,) Its production at Dresden was 80 suceessful that it has boen choson s the opeain : play for one of the leading Berlin theaters next sou. Mr. A M. Pulmer's Madison square com- pany played “Alabama” dGuring the past week at the Tabor Grand opera house, Denver, to aseries of audicnces which astomshed the local nani This weok the company is in Sult Lake. The present tour is under the dircetion of Mr. Al Hayman, Alexander Salvini sailed from New York for lurope on the French liner “La Gascogne' last weelk. e will remain abroad about six wecks, two of which will be sp nt with his illustrious father at the villa Salvini, near Ilord Italy. Mp. Salvinl will also visiv Rome, Vicana, Berlln, Paris and London, 1n Paris he will bo the guest of M. Coqu liv, of the Comedie Francaise, There is considerablo interest manifested in George 1. Marion’s coming appearance in “Mr. Macroni,” anew comedy that has been written with i special view to displaying his ability. “I'ie piece is in three a ts and the leading pzet is caid to it Mr. Marion like ove. Manager Ludlow has engazcd an ox- cellent supporting company and the prospects £ suceess are unu- ually oncourag ng, hiere's nothing like novelty. Rose Coghlin ber fortheoming play “Dorothy’s Dil- will uppear in‘one scene diseuised as a youne Britisn ofticer and will vice off ti e stage mounted on a real horse, real min tashion. She i3 practicing 1ow somewhcre i the countr Atter the shados of night have fallen <hie bestrides hor steed and tries to acenstom berself o the unusual {osition. Onc of the theatrical episodes to be reached uext autunm, or early in the winter, is the professional debut of Elsie Auderson de Wolfe, the “society amateur.” Thero has been talk of it for a year past, amd now she has sigued a contract to_appenr with Charles Probman’s company. She is in Paris, where sho devotos herself assiduously to prepara- tion for work which shehas undertaken to do, Stuart Robson is searching for new plays, nd (rom his s mer homo at Cohass Mass., hie 1 incorrespondence with soveral dramatists, from one of whom he hopes to find a novelty for next season. If he docs not suceeed in getting a_new pliy he will re- turn to “Tho Henriotta," and will also play “Is Marriago o Failura and an adaptation of “She Stoops to Conquer,” arranged for the stage by Itobson himself. A severo attack of Influenzu is likely to delay the return to America of Muie, Mod- sk, It was ber intontion to sail from wen onJuly 21, but sho has boen advised by r medical attendant to visit some of the waterimg places until completely cured, Mme. Modjeska his been in uegotiation for some time with a prominent Lonaon actor for her chief suppost; the other members of her company will be American, exclusively, Lawrence Marston is writing n_new play for Lillian Lewis entitled “Ludy Lil." A dog, ahor e, and a tigor_play active parts in the drama.’ The part Miss Lewis will play is a sort of Adelina Putti of the cireus ring. In the second act Miss Lowis dressed in o be- witching costume, makes her appearance riding o horse at full gailop in the standing vosition, @ la equestr Miss Lewis is receivi daily iustruction in this class of riding, and making excellent progress, Heerbohim Treo will make his flrst appear- wnee as Hamlet in Eainburgh i Septewber, 1tends o introduce some new. readings. One of them is rather ingeuious, although ingenuity, perhaps, might be better employed. In line *The cat will mew and dog will his duy,” ho proposes to substitu bay" for “day,” thus biinging the metaphors into closer rolation. What the dogs have doue that they should bo robbed of the duy to which they have been privilogod for so lon r. T'ree does not tell, ‘Things are winning to look li theatrical world ull around here, o canceliing of contract cussion pro and con of the “real inside affuirs” of u new combiuation, a judicious soreading of the eccentricities and indiosy r crasies (wleged) of stars with new plavs, and all such pr nary advertising that tells one Lhe opening of the season Is not fur off. Just why theatres open in August it Is hara to find out. Perhups from un artisticsense of fituess theatrical folk th they'll “try it on the dog’ during dow days ( ner, th who, n th have 1y in the s arow dis donua of overatio new prima mukes hor srggunization in *Robin Hood™ vk Standurd theatre, Septems n0st successfully i very severo litica for tho A full rencarsal of led whilo th ny was and Miss M without v ucquaintance with eithor v its dircctor, suug without a er to complet pivate Miss Millsner owos veely o Mme, Kosewald, I 1 actist formorly uf the Abuoud ULy, th debut with 1h he Now Y