Omaha Daily Bee Newspaper, March 17, 1889, Page 14

14 THE OMAHA DAILY BEE: SUNDAY fléRCH 17. 1889, —~SIXTEEN ES. "IN THE BARBER'S HANDS. & ¥ Peouliarities of Omahans When In- viting an Artistic SBhave. SOME CURL-PAPER MUSTACHES, The Man Who Talks, Smokes, Groans Laughs, Grumbles and Sleeps While Under the Glid- ing Steel. In the Barber's Chair. There are people in this world to whom the sitting in a barber chair, while being shaved by acapable barber, is one of the greatest pleasures which can be experienced. There are others whose experience in the chair is abso- lute torture. These varying sensations, in the main, govern the peculiarities which individuals display while in the ‘hands of the barber. Some of these peculiaritics are here noted by report- ers of THe BEE as the result of their observation in several of the tonsorial palaces of this city: At Morvell’s W. H. Holcombe says: “‘Be careful of my face. Don’t go “against the grain. Bathe it in hot water and let me go.” Tom Orr says, “‘Once over, comb my bair dry, am in an awful hurry.” John Wakefield says ‘I want a close “shave, and curl my moustache.” Fred Millard says ve me another one of those five-minute shaves.” i Joe. Garneau always has a funn, story, wants a_very tender shave and talks the barber to death about base Gene Houghton gets it once over, ccombs hair dry und has nick-names for “the barbers. John Wilbur says “160.” H, C. Oates shaves every day and is < very particulal Dr. Gluck exclaims “Nothing on my hair and cosmetic on my moustache.” J. E. Markell ejaculates ‘‘Cut a_hair “'off my whiskers and you willget thirty days. b sen B. Wood always waits for the same barber and is very particular. Milton Barlow cautions the barber to fo very light; “I'm afraid of you fel- ows. " 4 J. S. Collins hates to get shaved by xoung barbers. because they look out- oors too much. He shaves close and three times a week, C. K. Collin iff beard, hard to shave, but easily pleased and gets scraped Monday, Wednesday and Sat- urday. E. W. Nash says: ‘‘Give:- me a shave and sea-foam, quick.” Guy C. Barton’s ovder is: ‘‘Give me the best looking man in the shop; well, I guess you'll do; shave twice over and very easy.” T A. Munvoe whispers: “Once over, no bay rum,no powder, nothing on moustache, comb my hair dry. I'm al- ways in a huri i 1. W. Miner--Just us close as you can get it. What do you think about the Grand, anyway? Ed Williams wants the barber to spare whatever hair is left on top of his head and talks prohibition. Frank Parmelee says: ‘‘Just as close ms you can get it and look out for that bump on the side of my face.” Lou Bradford wanls a very tender shave, and always complains about the hair standing up on the back of his head. 5. Montgomery shaves three times n week, sea foams once, combs his hair dry and has very little to say. illiam Wallace wants a smooth shuave and no e Fred Metz gets shaved every other day close, has all the extras ob Garlich sits crooked in the chair and says “fook out for my chinchillas,” and calls everybody in the shop “Old Sport.” Fuclid Martin always says; “T'm wait- ing,” and wants his mustache curled. E. H. Sherwood inquires: ‘“‘Is this Henry’s day off?”” Not very particular, shaves once over. James Casey---‘When does the help comein?” . _ Een Newman exclaims: ‘‘Oh, cut that hair a little bit there, clip my neck and brush it forward. Harry Hall shaves three times a week and takes great pride in his goatee, A. L, Strang is easy to please, wants & smooth shuve and bay rum: ;("vColoncl Hooker fiercely exclaims: ‘¥Prim my whiskers, and if you go one hair too deep. it will cost you your life.” J. E. Boyd shaves once over, verf'. light, and says: **Look out for that molo on my chin. 1 @, N. Deitz is very particular and al- ways wants the boss to work on him. K! Chris Wooley’s,—A. B. Smith, the heavy-weight_assistunt general freight agent of the Burlington, shaves daily and is particular to have all but a Rus- sian mustache and goatee kept beneath ' the surface. You have observed the ' genteel curl on his mustache. Well, he -hos the barber do his mustache vp in per, and this is how the natural curl r:mu e. e is very particular about his mustache and has no regard for time when the tonsorial artistis mowing + him. ~ Frank Hanlon is somewhat particular about his moustache, but is much more 80 about his face. He is powdered, en- ameled, has a goodly quantity of bril- . lantine lavished upon his moustache. * It isnot uncommon for him to doze into o lethargic state while being toileted and to wake and find that he has und on the ladder of Were it not for the ron clad rules governing barber shops he would undoubtedly moveinto a chair he invariably falls asleep while be- r:x festooned. John A. Creighton gets to the shop regularly three times each weck; me- anders to a chair ,at ease and locating his feet at a fifty-two degree angle lenns back and prepares for u joint ses- sion day an night. He takes at pride in his beard which f:elnny and silvered and when this 18 locked after he gazes at his reflection in the mirror and guides the barber in “eurling his locks, One hair out of Creighton attracts his attention and the barber must put it strmght. He isan inveterate jokor and keeps the waiters and barbers in a roar. * _Tom Miller is not much of a dude. He keeps his beard shaved close gnd has his moustache trained weekly with & pair of ~clip- pers. He is patient and somewhat enduring nud it is not an uncommon ‘ thing for him to be enjoyiufi a Igood sleep when the barber eries ' Next!” Max Meyer is always in & hurry. He rushes into the shop, jumps into the first vacant chair and shouts *‘ready.” e is a semi-weekly patron of long ystanding, Touis H. Korty wears an Archibald curve on his moustache und has a goateo mbling an ant hill, Rusbing nto wnhov. he instructs the barber to go his face once, He never shaves K, sud does not wait W put his feet up i the indispensable stool, His beard, . vy and 01&'{ time o hair bs lopped . @ steel lostrument vings like e seboul-bell, L Kiwboll s u rogular pat ron, but never affords the barber an op- portunity of using the razor because he never shavos, © walks to the shop in his usual town clock gait, ana while the barber is at work pruning his locks Kimball is hard at work reducing a fra- rant eigar to ashes and smoke. Kim- 11 does not have his whiskers done up with hairpins, as many might imagine, but occasionally has his barber round up the hairs with his miniature prun- ing knife 80 as to bring them within the statute of limitation. Adam Snyder is a regular p atron drops in the chair, puts th feet up and sinks into innocuous desuetude. He lorfetu all business troubles, and as the artistic twist is put on his moustache he smiles with the reflection of a Gebhardt. Snyder always has his hair cut close. He likes a close shave and takes great pride in having his goatee trained with a base ball curve. E. Buckingham says: ‘“‘There just bring down that instrument once more and then set me out on the next siding. Ouch! let up there, you have got my whiskers crossed! Go easy, old boy, you are getting a winter’s crop.” Bob Baxter says: ‘‘You see, now. that I have got a Turkish twist here on this upper lip shade. Well, just keep up that curve and you and I are friends. It caused me adeal of trouble to get this thing groomed to my satisfaction.” At Pete and Fred Elsasser’s, Philip Andres always goes to sleep while he is being shaved, and although his beard is the toughest to remove in the city, he does not mind the dullest of razors while in the arms of Morpheus. John C. Cowin gets shaved every day and is particular about having his hair cut long and having the ‘‘part” just above his right ear. David Kaufman’s beard is the despair of the barbers and generally takes the edge off of four razors; nevertheless he gets shaved every day. Jack Woods also gets shaved every day and wants a Turkish bath thrown in. He makes the barber scrub his face with hot water and dry it with a warm towel. Joe Miller gets shaved three times a week and though he is always in a hurry generally finds time to stand and talk awhile after getting out of the chair. Colonel Floyd gets shayed every day and is particular to have his hair purted in the middle. He does not approve of Cowin’s style. John L. Webster always wants to read the newspapers while he is being shaved and insists on sitting bolt up- right in the chair, much to the tonso- rial artist’s inconvenience. Jeff Bedford gets shaved every day and as he wishes to grow a moustache after the Logan style he has much trou- ble with his barber who insists on shav- ing off the stubble from the corner of his mouth. Senator Paulsen always makes a bar- gain with his barber to shave him within a certain time. If the barber exceeds this, Paulsen gets shaved for nothing, but if the job is completed i side of the preseribed time the senator pays double price for it. . Pat Mostyn, like Jeff Bedford, wants to grow a moustache un the Logan pat- tern, and he too has great trouble with his barber o it C. A. Baldwin says there is but one barber in the world, and that is Pete Elsasser. Pat Heafy always wants his moustache curled and invariably patronizes the sickliest looking barber. Jack Dolan used to have his snowy locks grow long, but of latc has been seized with a mania for having them cropped short. He is fond of a contrast of colors and wears his hair white and beard black. Isanc Hascall always wants a prize fighter’s cut to his hair, and in the coldest of winter invariably wears it close clipped. He delights in a stubby beard of about three days’ growth, but never lets it grow any longer. Chief Seavey always wants the bar- ber to saturate his hair with tonic when- ever he gets shaved. He docs not dye his whiskers as is popularly supposed. Chief Galligan 1is very particular about his shave and gives his orders as peremptorily as though he were ¢ manding the fire brigade. He fre- quently jumps from the chair half shaved to rush to a fire, but always pays the ba; full price just the same. w. McCord has one fault to find with all the barbers; they do not shave him close enough. Captain Cormick takes a bath prelim- inary to overy shave. He dislikes a close rub; although a ‘‘peeler” he ob- jects to being peeled. Billy Ingram is very particular about the curl of his mustache, and always wants to be shaved with a white han- dled razor. He is silent as to his reason for the latter idiosyncracy. John Drexel gives the barber a stiff every time he goes into a shop. He gets shaved whenever he takes a notion, sometimes being in that frame of mind every day and at other times only three times @ week. He takes a bath about every other time he gets shaved. At Magner’s J. H. Lichtenberger, shaves three or four, and frequently five times a week. The most skillful barber, it is . said, finds it difficult to shave “Lichty” satisfactorily, owing to the incessant wagging of ‘\is tongue. Magner has discarded the razor with this patient and now uses a smull lawn mower. A. L. Brison is in the chair daily. He is one of the most particular men in the city. Barbers dread his appearance. He is a great joker and laughs so much they are afraid of cutting his throat. Warren Rogersis another punctilious customer. He is razored daily, and it gives him the night sweats to think of a bewhiskered face. He will go down to his grave as clean shaven as a door knob. W. F. Bechel shaves three timesa and would shave oftener if he tin such a hurry. He takes a close scrape in his'n. E. Dickinson shaves as regularly as the cock crows, three times a week. His shaves are always lght. He is more particular ahout his ambro- sial locks than he isabout his face, He keeps them cut just about s0 short, and has them dressed with a nicety that is most attractive. J. J. Philbin is proud of his cherubic visage, and keeps it absolutcly destitute of hirsute ornamentation. He erystal- ized a barber in Cheyenne, three yeurs ago, for leaving three hairs protruding irom under his left auricular. Harry Deuel is one of the best-known customers in Omaha, Has shaved every day for twenty years. It is said he would go stark crazy if he missed a day. He notonly wants a close shave, but everything he can get for fifteen cents, head rubhod, neck washed, and it wouldn't surprise the barber if he wanted a Turkish bath thrown in. Dr. B. W, Lee is very crratic. and shaves only when he has time. Some- times every day, then again not for a woels, and *‘only once over,” Barbers fight to wait on him, he’s so suave and smooth and nice, Once in a while he Htips” his man.” Billy Thompson is on hand regularly every morning. He ailows no man to shave him but Maguner, The bete noir of lus life is a new barber. In the sac- charine hereafter Magner says Billy will shave twice a day. He is what the portor ealls & “euckoo,” now, THE END-MAN IN HIS GLORY. Negro Minstrelsy a Quarter of a Century Ago. MONEY FLOWED FREELY THEN. All the Boys Wore Diamonds, Drank the Chol cest Whisky and Smoked the Best Olgars—Soms Old- Time Reminiscences. The Days of Burnt Cork. I often hear the question asked, *“What has become of all the old negro minstrel men of twenty-five years ago.” It is o hard question to answer. Many of them are dead, others have gone into other and more renumerative business, while some are worse than dead. The min- strel business is not what it was twenty or twenty-five years ago. The same may be said of the legitimate drama. Back in the early sixties there were ten companies or ‘‘troupes” on the road where there isone now. And it was truly a badly managed and very snide affair that didn’t pay extravagant sal- aries, besides hotel, railway and other expenses which were about twice as large as at the present time, and leave the proprietor a handsome sum at the close of the season. Negro minstrelsy was then all the rage with show goiug people. Compnuics were located per- manently in New York, Philadelphia, Chieago, Boston and Cincinnati and did well financially, While Louis- ville, Cleveland, Indianapolis, Col- umbus and other citios of the same size were considered good week stands. Any city of from five to eight thousand was with very fow exceptions, good for twoor thr nights, and the shows were patronized by people in all walks of life. In New York while the opera and drama scarcely paid expenses. Birch & Back- ers, Dan Bryant and Butler at 444 Broadway turned people away. Hart Ryman & Barney at the Globe has full houses every night. The best people of Boston dropped the regular theatres for Morris Brothers. Pell & Trow- bridge. Chicago, gave the legitimate the “shake’ for Kmerson, Allen and Manning. The regular houses in Phil- adelphia barely paid expenses while Simmons & Slocum, Carneross & Di. and one or two other companies fairly coined money. Money was plenty in those days, and every member of the profession that was anybody, wore diamond: Every negro minstrel, irrespective of talent or goodfellowship, was hail-fellow-well- anet everywher It was an era of petit noms. It was Jimmy hece, Bobby there, and Johnny everywhere. After the evening performance twentyfive cent whisky, and Havanas at three for a dol- lar, were free as water to the minstrel boys. Though there was nothing to speal of *in the soup,” every old dusty **chestnut” had its market value, and they came high, too, age and condition not considered. Every end man and banjo picker could count his_‘‘mashes” by the score, though they did not call it by that name then. “Billy Emerson and men of like calibre made fortunes and dropped them. Happy Cal Wag- ner left the locomotive, Arlington the anvil, and Manning the hack to take up the burnt cork. They became popular and were quickly followed by others with widely varying successes. The minstrel men of early days was not edu- cated and refined men. Fully two thirds of them were illiterate and the other third “wouldn’t set the river on fire,” though a few of them wereshrewd enough to make a *‘pile” and keep it. It was astonishing how quickly any funny thing said by an end man_would spread and become a by-word. Let one of them sing a catchy comic song, no matter how silly the words, and next day half the city would bo humming it. ‘Was there one city boy twenty vyears ago that wouldu’t saw wood all day and pass half the night eqploring neighbor- ing back yards in search of copper boil- ers and scrap iron enough to raise the necessary half dollar to puy his way into the “nigger show.” The *‘parade” was more of an advertising feature then than it is to-day. When Blackup & Blow- horn’s All Star miustreis would strike the town everybody, of course, would turn out to witness the grand *‘parade,’ which would start from the hallata certain hour. It would,nine times out ten, consist of bass and snare drum, with three or four brass horns and a air of cymbals, the bass drummer play- ing the cymbals, of course. If the weather was fine, and no mud, they would take the middle of the street. But it it was muddy they would murch on the sidewalk. This was a source of great annoyance to the bass drummer. It would be all right, maybe, at the start, but after keeping pretty well up for a block or’ two, he would, owing to the crowded condition of the sidewalk, be compelled to fall behind. So when the head of the band would be ten blocks away from the hall, he would be at least tive blocks behind. Bass drum- mers who had been in town before, and knew the line of march, would always skip up u side street and cateh the rest of the gang asthey came down the next strect—always keeping time. Should & base drummer get out of time, even un- der such trying circumstances, it is safe to say he would never hear the last of it—if, indeed, he escaaed bodily harm at the hands of the outraged manager. Negro minstrel managers, a quarters| of a century ago, were ente sing and full of nerve. George Christy took u company to England and succeeded far beyond = his own vivid expectation. John and Mrs. Bull and the young Bulls Went to sec the Yankees' play negro. They saw them, and were nearly tickled to death, Christy and his counterfeit Africans made the beef-eaters laugh. The, wanted to laugh more, o DR oy e g lowed. All took well, and solid Eng- lish shillings and pounds rolled into th cash boxes of the Yankee managers. Even to-day, curious as it may seem to some, every miostrel performer in England, outside of London, is called a “Christy minstrel,” though the Christys bave been dead for years. Graduully the minstrel began to lose caste.” Everything was overdone. Slim houses were the rule. Companies began Lo go to pieces before the season was half over. Many performers left the traveling companies und took to the variety stage. Lydia Thompson came across the Atlantic with her blondes. Other companies of the same ilk quickly followed, The drama and the opera took a firmer hold. Variety theaters sprung up like mushrooms. Dime museums, roller rinks ana spelling bees loomed up as counter attractions. Minstrelsy had lost its hold. Those of the profession being unable to secure engagements in variety theaters, left their diamonds and other valuables with their *‘uncle” for safe keeping, drank cheaper whisky and commenced mapping out lunch routes. Something must be done, and done quickly., Gen- eral Jack Haverly came to the rescue by corralling all of the best unemployed talent, and npr\n*)ln upon the public what was then billed as “‘Haverley’s Mastodou Minstrels; 40—count ’em—40.” | Instead of simply bones and tambo, as of old, Haverley introd [ his oight “eminent” end men, the end men sit- ting in chairs, the restof the crowd roosting on step-ladders pt the back of the stage. Mastodon Jack’s big company *‘took” for a while like hot peanuts. Other managers commenced to ransack the country for talent. Everything was to be blE. Big blowing, big show, big nts, glug big drums, big ndverlvlslng. ig talk, big lies. Everything was bi —as time has shown—but_salaries an: receipts. Somebody else and Billy Em- erson started on the road fifty strong. Gomebody rented the old National theater at Cincinnati, engaged every ‘‘ham” and unemployed song-and-dance man he could find. " He advertised on alarge scale. There were to be seventy- five in the first part, including ten end- men, among whom were Jonny Allen and a few other “‘old-timers.” " It was tobe a monster affair. The biggest first part, and biggest olio ever seen on any stage. They opened as advertised, with a house somewhat top-heavy, but receipts were large enough to encour- age both manager and performers. The curtain rose on the biggest and black- est first part ever viewed with human eyes. They sat in rows, ten rows high. The base drummer was up in the flies and the base fiddler was stationed in the alley back of the theater, The stage was reasonably roomy, but there wasn’t an inch to spare. The overture was passable. The opening chorus was fine and well received. But as cruel fate would have it, Johnny Al- len told the first gag. It came near to etting him gorn to shreds on the spot. {e had worKed the old shignon gag. The same audience had brained three variety men, for the same offense, with- in a year, and they weren't going to stand it now. The police finully re- stored order.and the funeral proceeded. A “ham” on the bone end then sang Root-Hog-or-Die. An indignant mur- mer ran through the crowd, but as no- body said or did anything very threat- ening the first part went on without further interruption and finally came to a close. After a long wait the curtains rose for the olio. Insult was added to injury. Signor Gustave Bideins boldly and brazenly stepped from the wings and prepared to perpetrate a base outrage— the bills called 1t o bass viol solo. The suffering audience knew what was com- ing and resolved to choke the signor off. And with a yell they made for him. He, not wishing to argue the point, made for the stage door, followed closely by the entire company, still i evening dress and costame. There were no casuanlties, the bass fiddle excepted, which was smashed all into smither- eens. The instrument had been bor- rowed from *‘Uncle”’ Mike Lipman, the well known pawnbroker, for the season, and had to be paid for. But the mag- agement was ahead, from the fact that the company never came back after their salaries and personnl effects. The i i was overdone. Skt ’s, one of the best drawing companies on the road, lost prestige and was finally forced to disband because the management wasn’t willing to let well enough alone. They came outwith the **Great Albino Minstreis.”’ Some- thing new, but differing from the old only in matter of color. They blacked up with whiting, and used white wigs i d of the black. kinky article. They sung the same old songs and told the ne old gags in the same old nigger dialect. What could be more ridiculous and absurd? Haverly made money out of the Mas- todons, but as a general thing the large organizations did not pay and were, after a season or two, given up as un- profitable. To-day there is not more than three or four first-class or refined companies on the road, with maybe half a dozen ‘‘snaps.” Minstrelsy has lost nearly if not all of its old features. The old-time performance was, as a well- known southern writer truthfully says, “a burlesque upon a burlesque,” coarse, jumbled up and ofttimes silly tertainment, given by a lot of men all walks of life, with little or no sta training, some of whom were even too ignorant and obtuse to make any ad- vancement, all because the publie didn’t complain, and anything would go. But everything has changed. The minstrel performance of to-day isa refined en- tertainment, free from anything ap- proaching coarseness or vulgarity, and given by witty, talented, genteel men— true artists. Of the old-time minstrel men who were well-known and popular a quarter of a century ago, but few are now alive. Dan Bryant died in New York years ago. asdid Nelse Seymour, Newcomb and Eph Horn. Billy Mortis died years ago. John Unsworth, G. S L Griffin, Hy Rumsey, Charley Backus, Gaylord, Billy Manning, Bob Hart aud many others for whosenames I have not space, are dead. Nearly all of them made big money in the business, but died poor. They were a good lot of fel- lows, open-hearted and generous to a fault. P’eace to their ashes. A few have one over to the legitimate, and e oing well. Quite a number are gain- ing fame and fortyne on the variety stage. Some are engnged in business. aad many unable to shake off somo of the old habits acquired in more pros- porous convivial days, uro muking fass time on the downward road. Fifty cats perished in u fire in Scioto town- ship, Ohio, the other day. A lobster as blue as digo was captured Saturday in Fisher's Island sound, Conn. 1t is reported from Rush Valley, Utah,shat & mine of natural sho» blacking has been dis- covered on a mine there. Mrs, Pauline King, of §) suid to have fasted forty d tinued to do all her housework. The hmir of iKing Othe of Bavaria, re- cently turned white 1n a night, and two ser- Vants have to support him wherever he goes. A log, cut lately on the ling of the North- ern Pacific railrond, in Washington, was nearly eight feet six inches in diameter, It was taken from o spruce trée 196 feet high A whale, ninety feet long, the first seen there in twenty years, lately went ashore in the Copenhagen Sound, and was killed. Its skeleton is to be forwarded to the Copenha- gen museum, A duck was killed in Spottaylvania county, Virgima, which had a nail two-inches long protruding through the gizzard into the en- trails. It seemed to cause the duck no in- convenience, as it was lively as a cricket be- fore 1t was killed. s A train of seven Pullman sleepers jumped a broken rail on the Pennsylyama railroad, near Altoons, on Monday, and after runnin, on the ties for several hundred foet rcgninufi the track again and went dashing along without doing any damage. The train was running at the rate of thirty-flve mileswan hour. In a justice court at Bristol, N. H,, the otker day a dwasf, four feet in height, was tried for an assault on & six-footer weighing 200 pounds. It appeared in evidence that the little fellow loaned the big fellow some fish lines, which were kepta year, and then 1n response to a suggestion fortheir return cotton twine, with bent pin hooks, were sent in their place, The next time they met the little fellow gave the big fellow what the neighbors called a ‘“lickin',” and the fish lines came back. The defense was ‘provo- cation,” and the justice dismissed the case. The admiring spectators promptly paid the little fellow’s expenses ingfleld, I, is and yev con- Sudden changes of temperature and humidity of the atmosphere often pro- duce disorders of the kidneys and blad- der. Use Dr. J. H. McLean’s Liver and Kiduey Balm to check these trounles in their incipieucy. HE JOKED ON HIS DEATHBED Poor Phil Welch Made “Sunbeams” in a Hospital. SELLING TICKETS FOR PRAYERS® Extraordinary Scheme of a London Church — ‘Venerable Paupers Elope—S8uicided From Pique— Married on the Run. The Curious Side of Life. In its obituary on Philip H. Welch, the humorist, who died of cancer re- cently, the New York Sun say The operation by which he lost his tongue was performed nearly three years ago. It 1éft him able to talk, but, of course, very imperfectly—like a tongue-tied person. Two years passed and last sum- mer another cancer formed, this time on his chest. Again the surgeons went at him, knife in hand, and again Welch appeared at the Sun office after a fort- night’s illness. +0l1d fellow,” said a friend, ‘how are the jokes coming now? Are you not epressed to find that you were not cured, after all, by the first operation, and that cancer isstill'in your system?” “*Depressed?” said the humorist. *'I was horribly depressed, <o horribly that I had to turn my whole attention to writing jokes. 1 wrote more jokes and made more money while I was lying abed recovering from this last opera- tion than I eyer wrote in the same length of time before. I had to do it. 1 did not dare to think of myself.” Heve is a joke written from the hospi- tal and sent to the Sun: SPOILED BY TIME. Free Lunch Expert (to bartender)--Them cucumbers ain't as fresh. as they might be, Mr. Barkee| Bartender—They were fresh enough when you began on the lunch, but how long do you expect cucumbers to remain fresh? Here is anothe: NEEDI Mr. Hightone—. yon would not expose the party to-night. Mrs. Hightone—No, love, I shan't; I am going to weur gloves up to the elbows. Fancy that coming from under a surgeon’s knife, written by a man in the very bloom of life lying in a hos- pital, knowing he must soon die, think- ing of the world he loved and yet must soon leave, of his wife and the two charming little girls that on sunny mornings always took a hand of his, one on either side, for a walk out of doors. ‘What bacomes of the pictures Dickens drew of the clowns who bounded on the stage or in the ving to hide their grief over some one’s sickness or death? A score of gr writers have dwelt on such phases in the lives of public per- formers, but what are all their stories ed with the Welch? He was of temperament; it was his own body that was lacerated, his own mind that was torn, and instead of brilliant lights and roawrs of laughter and applause to bolster him up, he saw hospital walls aud hospital beds while he cracked his jokes with his pencil, y, my dear, T wish yourself so much at An old gentleman named Smith of IFalls township went to Zgnesville, O., recently and bought u coffin, paying $50 for it and taking n receipt. The coffin is to.be delivered when he dies. He then visited the marble works and se- lected & monument, for which he pud %70. He is wealthy and in good health but declares he feels much better now that he has those little matters attend- ed to. Some of the Cat| s of New York ity are much annoyed over an extraor- dinary demand for donations that is being promulgated by ‘“The New Church of the Great Patriarch of St. Joseph, Highgate Hill, London.” The appeal comes in the form of circulars addressed *‘To All Catholics.” These circulars, it is snid, are being widely distributed in the United States. They explain in detail a scheme by which every subscriber of sixpence will have o share in the perpetual prayers and masses of the church. There is a plan of ticket and coupon, by which the per- son who buys the ticket has the name of the person or matter, to be prayed for written in the coupon, so that when the coupon hooks are returned tothe church the record will be complete. An _eminent (atholic theologian of New York was aSked if the Roman Catholic ehurch of America approved of such a scheme for raising money. “Emphatically no.” he replied, and thén quoted an extract from the decrees of the council of Baltimo We all know the Wicked Cousin w ho forges the signature of the Dying and Paralytic but VerygAmiable Lady to a will as well as that af Another Near Relative, who conveniently dies within a few days of the lady,says the St. James Gazette; nor are we ignorant of the Virtuous and Intelligent Lawyer who in due time produces the true will, ousts the Wicked Cousin who has al- ready taken possession, and brings upon him the officers of the law. We should be doing injustice to our many brilliant writers to deny our acquaintance with all these. But we confess we were somewhat surprised to meet them all in o law court, behaving for all the world as if it were a shilling shocker or a le- gitimate melodrama. Caroline Morgan died on the 2d of February, 1888; Sum- uel Morgan forged her name to & will which he dated the 26th of January 1888, together with that of his uncie Joseph Morgan, who died on the 29th of that month, Ho got his false will proved, and entered into poseession as s0on as possible; but a I(iwi'ur came for- ward with a will dated lew days be- fore, and it was proved that at the time when the one which is now pronounced to have been forged was dated the forger could not have been with Miss Morgan, and if he had been she could not have signed her name, as she was utterly disabled by a paralytic stroke. So it was decided by Mr. Justice Butt that Samuel Morgan had no right to the £2,000; “instead of which” he gets (at the instigation of the treasury) & term of seven years' penal servitude. Two young tramps at Glenn’s Ferry attracted attention last week, both be- ing very young, and one looking like a girl, says the Sult Lake Tribune. Being questioned, they said they were from Sioux City, Towa, and owned that the smaller was a girl, but they wanted to marry. So a wedding was got up for them, and they were married and will be given work ‘there, though they said they started for Washington territory. The story told of the German maiden and the boss plumber who spent their courting mghts in innocent slumber in their chairs, was paralleled in my-expe- rience, for one of the young women in my list of sweethearts used to tell me that her sister had a beau, a farmer, who always fell asleepsoon after he had come to see her, writes Julian Ralph in the Epoch. He had done a hard day’s work on the farm, and she had been tiresomely employed in the house. Neither one had anytping to converse about, so when he fell asleep she set- tled herself for a nap, and whichever one woke first awakened the other, whereupon the “’""fi farmer bade the Yo\m( lady good night and went away— t might be 11 o’clock or it might be 8 o'clock in the morning. The London tarS thus describes the opening day of the trial of Bishop King, now in progress in London: “Mr. Edward White, by Divine Prov- dence Lord Archbishop of Canterbury, Primate of all England and Metropoli- tan,” in an official citation summoned the Right Rev. Dr. King, bishop, to ap- pear before him at Lambeth Palace to- day. Dr. King is charged with burning candles in an unorthodox fashion, for standing on the west when he ought to have been on the north of the holy table, for describing a cross by the movements of his hands, and perform- ing various ritualistic genuflexions and papistical practices caleulated to im- peril Anglican orthodoxy and under- mine tife Establishmen The trial took place in one of the libraries of the palace—a sombre room with an arched ana panneled roof. The walls were covered with traces of damp, and the windows were stained—with -dust, There were books in the library—old, mouldy, musty volumes in antiquated bindings. They were carefully num- bered, and covered with dust. The shelves which contained the venerable volumes looked moedern, and were cle- gantly s round the mouldings. There was a fine old-fashioned carved mantelpiece in the room, which was surmounted by & mitre. An antique fireplace to mateh was blocked up, and a modern stove did duty instead. The books are stowed away in recessos, lenv- g the floor of the room clear. A bar- rier in the shape of a rope divided the room into halves, one being for the trial proceedings, and the other for the gen- eral public. wther exciting marriage took place at the Wonderland museum in Memphis. The groom was William Quinn, the lecturer of the museum, and the bride Venie Cayalier, one of the Albinos on exhibition. The affair was entirely unexpected to the goodly com- pany of freaks and employes, and there was o great commotion when a justice of the peace appeared in the place and called up the loving p John Cay- alier, also an Albino and a brother of the bride, rushed forward and forbade the tns. ' “Stand back,” said_the jus- tice, and do not come between those whom the law would join.” Nothing daunted, the brother grabbed the bridegroom by the collur, and the groom grasped him by the hair. They waltzed around the hall in a hostile em- brace, the bride clinging to her chosen and the justice following in a trot, re peating the fort reauired by law By the time the ¢ t of the room was completed the justice announced that the twain were man and wife, an d then sailed in and separated the irate hus- band and brother. he newly married couple left the hall under the prote tion of the law. The brothe wears vengeance on his new relative. The remarkable change of sex r e cently reported from Harford county, Md., is rivaled by a similar case at Rest postoftice, Vivginin. In January, 1884, the postmistress, Lydia Rebeccea Payne, astonished her family and everybody else by marrying Sarah Hinton. “Becky,” as she was generally known, was always noted for her masculine ways, but before she could get the county officials to issue a marriage license she had to proeure from a physi- cian a certificate that she had under- gone physical changes that made ie clear that “Becky’ was in reality a arded her female apparel : prominent citizen of the Shenandoah valley. Two children have been the result of Payne’s marri ‘Another member of the fami sup- posed sister, has undergone similav changes that place her undeniably in the masculine gende Lelia, wh i this one’s name, has not yet di y but rumor has alveady betr her to a young woman of the valley. Patrick Mulhigan, a spoony swain of seventy-nine years, and Hannah H. Call. a giddy girl of eighty-four, 1n- mates of the Ramsey county (Minn.) poor house, eloped recently and went to St. Paul intending to get married. When their flight was known at the poor house the police in St. Paul were notifled and an officer of the union depot squad arvested the aged conple as they stepped from the suburban train on the Duluth road which they had boarded at Gladstone. Mulligan had been an in- mate of the poor house for two months, but he was paying for his keeping, and had a little money left to start house- keeping. Mrs. Call had been atthe poor house for more than two years. She has worked in the kitchen and was peeling potatoes when Mulligan first saw her and became enamored. Mrs. Amelia Terry, wife of E. R. Terry, a New York shipping agent, recently suicided in Brooklyn under peculiar circumstances. Mrs. Ter quarreled wtth her husband at their home on Jackson place because he had not come home in time to go to a con- cert. After Mr. Ter had left the house she went to a closet and took n quantity of rat poison. After taking it she became repentent and she sent her little daughter out to purchase some mustard, which she intended to use us an enfetic, It was ineffectual, however, and she died in great agony. practice 5 : 0 and from Europe, in this steamer, and the re sult has satisfied me that if tuken in time, it will, in & great many cases prevent sca sickness.” CONNUBIALITIES, Vice President Morton has five eligible daughters, and yet many think the respousi bilities of his position are light, AToledo woman who has twice been divorced from one man, married him two weeks ago for the third time. Altogether she hus been married six times to thr eemen Maggie Mitchell's hushand, Mr, Paddock will not contest her divorce s: it she will pay him 25, Maggie suys she will not pay it when she can get a aivorce in Chicago for much le An enterprising resident of Langres, Francg, who had been arvested for shooting at his sweetheart, made love to the juiler's daughter. She assisted him 1o escape aud the pair then eloped. At @ Millville wedding a few evenings ago the officiating clergyman said: **What God bas put asunder let no man join together.” The guests began to titter and the reverend gentleman revised his remarks. An Anthens, Ga., young map paid a father $5 for the privilege of courting his daughtor. He married anotber girl and demanded back the §5. The old wan,offset the bil with an account for fire wood and kerosene oil. Th matter was compromised. It-is sald that seven out of every ten wide ows under thirty-five re-marry within two yoars after widowhood. This, we are pleased 10 say, seems to prove that & large per cent- age of those women who have tried mar riage do not deem it a failure. It would be :nlerlenln‘ to know many widowers try it again, At the marriage of Lady Idina Neville to Mr. Brassey, 1 England, the bridesmaids wore cricketing costumes, the colors bein carnation pink, green ‘and white. 'This showed a lnck of d taste, A warriage is a solemn thing, and if bridesmaids are gc 10 come out in cricketing costumes, we n not wonder that some time the groom ape pears in a tennis suit or & base ball uniform, a3 e Who Indeecd? New York World: On the Rialto— Marcellus (ustronomical)—By Jove! that Venus 18 o beautiful star. Bernardo (professional) — Venusi Don’t know her. _Who is her managery o e L DRCLAR Sure Cl}‘é{.fi.fl.’,fi‘,".’flf diarkt. ‘The Regular 01d-Established PHYSICIAN AND SURCEON Is sttl Treating with the Greatest AN AT Lol Chronic, Nervous and Private Diseases, A~ NERVOUS DEBILITY, Lost Manhood, Failing Memory, Exhausting' Drains, Terrible Dreams, Head, and Back Ache and all the effecta keading 10 earlydecuy and perhaps Consumption or Insanity, treated scientifically by new methods with never-fafling success. 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