Omaha Daily Bee Newspaper, December 6, 1880, Page 6

POETRY OF THE TIMES. Leap Year. “Through How their weary, z Wear the time away? Languidly they mop+ about, All their Lopes are fled; They are in the cold left out— Teap year's nearly dead. And the proverb bauuts their mind, Like a spell is ca t — “A heart they’il never. never find Whea the testive leap year's past.” —[0:1 City Derrick. —_— An Amateur Skater. Should your sweetheart show a movement That i« odd, eccentric, queer, Should she descrite a sadden curving, With a rapid “~coot” to rear; Shou d she kick with little 1 "Do not think her hea i i That she poses on such gaits; She's lon. or the rink to open, And she yearus to try er skates, roleun World. BILL BOWKER'S TRIU#PH. THE BLISSFUL END OF COLLIER’S COURTSHIP. Al the Year Fouud Willism descended to the pump in the back yard, aud had a wash in the Balf light of 4 u'eluck, and Selina got out of bed and tuok ely peeps at him through her tears. William, his ab- lutions over, went out for a dreary stroll, past the Hilly piece, and vver Sieveuson's hulle, and down Jacoo’s ladder and Dead Mau’s tane, and to the brookside again. There, onJune bridge he siood and watched the ed- dies circle arcund the great stonee, and found that negative and bewil- dered comfort which trouble always finds in running water. Meanwhile Selina had gone back to bed, ane-had there renewed hLer tears, and was findivg some comiort in running wa- ter also. And at the moment when William stcod upon June bridge, Abraham Gough, 1n a suit of flanuele, was making his way to the day shift in the Strip-and-atit. Lest you should find yourself too much dis- tubred by the phrase, let me explain that the Stiip-and-atit was a coal minc, so named by its inmates, from the cant phrase of some “dogg,” or ganger: *‘Now lade, strp and atit.” Poor Wiliiam regretted hizholiday, and lonzed for the hcur when work should begin :gam. He beguiled the heavy hours of the day by the compo- siticn of wop-begene vers's, whereof A for'une has preserved a fragment, which I here embalm: ' h so bright abaove, *“The sun thas « b it my wr ngful 1ove; zore-lane, t but pain. le my Seliva hus walk with Mr. At William’s inuse is in the right. It is a very dismal thing to the wounded heart, grown egotistic through its pain, that natuce should seem out of sympathy witlwit—that the sun should shine and the birds should sing, just 88 brightly «nd 2s merrily as though Selina was still true and gentle. Williim 100k bis humble meal of bread aud chees» and a pintor so of becr at a little public bouse in the aforesaid !ane, and thea strolled home again, :till very miserable, but a trifla Wi To gone o raham Gough.” soothed by the verse-making procees. | He wes due at the mine at 6 o’clock, and an hour before that time he was upstairs exchanging his Sunday cos- tume for the work day coaly flannels when he became conscious of a bustle in the aweet. ig through the window, be beheld men runuing hat- less and coatless, and unbonneied, unshaweled women hurrying along as fast as tleir feet could take them. Evergbody ran in one direction, aud in the crowd he canght a moment’s glmpse cf Selin» and her father. The gul's face was white with strony ex- citement, and there was a lock of the wildest imaginable fear in her eyes Both hands were pressed to her heart as she ran. A biack country collier's instinct in a case like this is pretty likely to be true. William threw the window open and cried to the hurry crowd: ““Where is it1” “At the Strip-and at-it,” some fa- miliar voice cried out as the strag- gling crowd swept by. “‘What is it ” he cried again . “‘Shaft on fire,” cried another vuice in answer; and in a secund the street was clesr. William Bocker dashed down staws and hurled himself alocg the street. “‘Anybody down?” he gasped, as he turned the corner and passed the hindmost figure in the hurrying mass. The woman knew him, ““For God's sake, lend me thy hand, William," she gaeped in answer. “My Joe's in. He caught the little shrivelled fig- ure in his great arms as though the nfd woman had been a baby, and dashed on again. Ay, the tale was true. There belched and volleyed the roll- ing smoke. There were hundreds and hundreds of people already crowded upon the pit mound and sbout the shaft, and from every quarter men and women came streaming in, white faced and breathless. William sat his with- ered burden down, and pushed through to the edge of the shaft. There was water in the up cast, and the engines were at work full power. Up came the enormous bucket and lp{nhod 1ts 200 or 300 gallons down the burning shaft, and dropped like astone down the up-cast, and after a long, long pause came trembling and laboring up again, and vomited its freight again and dropped likea stone for more. *“Yo' might just as well stand in a ring and spit at it,” sald Bowker, with his face all pale and his eyes on fire, *“Get the stinktors up and let & man or two godown.” _“;Wfl; y0' mak’ 21“’ Bill Bowker?” said a brawny, coal-smeared m - lid‘n%im.x 3 an be “Xis, I will,” was the answ like a bull-deg's growl. S “‘Eu make snother,” said the man. ““An’ me,” “an’ me," ‘an’ o cried & dozen more. =% “Rig the bowk, somebody,” said the love-lorn verse maker, taking at once and as by right the place he was bora for. “Bil!#oo—Absl—Dukey —come with me.” The crowd divided, and the five men | him and defied him—down they. went. made for offices, and fonnd thersin & row .a number, of _barrel-shaped macbines sof metal, each having a smalffibse #nd a pumping appuratns attoched” to it. ““Phese were a- new boon fr>m the genercus hand of science —a French contrivance, as the name effix.d to each set forth—*‘L’Extinet ear.” Eachof themen seized one of these, and bore it to the edge of the shaft, the crowd once more making way. A bucket, tochnically called a **bouk,” some two feet deep and efgh- teen iuckes wide, was affixed to the wire rope which swung above the shaft. The self-appointed leader ssked for flannel clothing. A dozen gar ments were flang to him at once. He wrapped himself up like a mummy, and bound = cotton handkerchicf over bis face Then, with the machine strapped securely acroes his shonlders he stepped one foot on the bucket and lald a hand ugon ths rope. A man ran forward with a slender chain which he passed rapidly around the vo teer’s waist, and fixed the rope w supparted the bowk. Another an end of ropein his hand, at by to reeve out the rest as he des ed. Then came the word: ‘“Short, steady.” The engine panted, ‘le rope tightened, the ct figure, with the wmachive bc about it, swung ioto the smoke, and in a death like stillness, with here snd there a smothered grasp, the wmn went down. His comrade at the edge dribbled the rops through his coal blackened fingers, as delicately as though it had been a silken thread. Then cames sudden tug at it, and the word was flashed to the engine room. and the creak of the wheel ce:sed, aud the gliding rope was still. "Then for the space of nigh a mivute not a sound. was heard, but every eye was on the rope, and every cheek was pallid with suspense, and every heart Jras with the hero in.the fiery depths below. Then game another warning at the rope, and again the word flash- ed to the engine room. The wheel spun round, the rope glided, quivered, stopped, the figure swurg up through the smoke sg2in, was seized, lowered, landed. When his comrades laid hands upon him, the flannel garwon's fell from him in huge blackened flal:ea, near to the flames had ha been. cast these garments fr.m him, they fell, helf tinder at his fee he drew off the handkercl bound his face gleaminge women ding'y,* God blcss him of thote bold fello Then he rce ke a be whispered and the breath were drawn hard aud a pair of arms round him in a se In two min- ates more he was outside the crowd, and a botile of whisky, which cams from nobody knows where, was at Lis lips, as he lay upon the groutd, and two or three women ran for wa er. And while sll this was doirg, man, as good a& he, was sw downward in the blinding emoke. So fierce a leap the flames made at this hero that they catght him fairly fora moment in their arms, and when he | was brought to the surface, he hung| limp aud senseless, with great patchen | of amouidering fire upon his garments aud is hands and facs cracked and and blackened. But the next man was ready, and when he, in turn,came to the light, he had said good-by to the light forover in this world. Not this, nor anything that fear could urge, could stay the reet. There were five and thirty men and boys below, and they would have them up or die. With that god-like pallor wpon their I'ps and cheeke, with these wide eyes that looked death'in the face, and knew I eaw these things, who tell the story, Man after man defied that fiery hell, and faced its lurid, smoky darkness, | undismayed, until, ut last, their valer | won “he day. # The love lorn had bat little room in his heart for saperfluons sentiment as he 1aid his hand upon the wire rope, and set his fcot in the bowk Yet just a hope was there—th na should not grieve too greaily if the gecond venture failed, and he should meet his death. He was not as a rule devotioually inclined, bt Le whisper- ed inwardly, ‘‘God be with her.” And there at that second he saw her face before him—so set and fixed that in itsagony of fear and prayer it looked like marble. The rope grew taut; he passed the handkerchief about his face again, and with the memory of her eyes upon him, dropped out of sight. ’black smcke m | ter. . 2 greup of officers on the lawn of ihe | tears in thoss brave eyes. The peni- tent stole a hand in his. “Oh, Bill,” she ‘whispered, ‘‘you didn’s think I wanted him?y “What else did you think I fetched kim out for?” querried William,s smile of comedy gleaming through the man- ly moisture of his eyes. 4 She dropped her head upon his breast, she put both her arms around him, and neither she nor he thought of] the crowd in that blissful mo- ment when Mr. Bowker's cour'ship ended, and soul was assnred of soul. The William Goat. Mary had a William goat, And he was black as jet; He followed Mary 'round all day, And liked her! you just bet! chool one day, im-out; It made the children grin, you know, To have the goat about. But thou h o1d Whackem kicked him out, Yet st 1l he lingered near; He wai ed just oatside the door Till Whack-m did sppear. Then William ran fo meet the man— He ran his level best; And met him just : eh nd, you know, Down just below the vest Old Wha kem turne The voat stond on et; s head, And Mary laughed herself s sick She had to go to Led. GEN. LEEBS SURREXDER. The White Fiag at Appomat- tox and How it Was Greet- by the Army of North- ern Virginia. Gen, Grant’s Reception of Gen. Lee—The Armies Fratern- izing. Philadelphis Times. . On the moruing of April 2, 1865, it was obvious that something quite out of the ordinary routine had hap- pencd, and I rode in the direction of teseral Lee’s beadquarters, which were #t a house abour a mile west of Petersburg. The scene here was bustliog and full of excitement. | Couriers were passing to ard fro across | the fields carrying orders, and the ntioved was seen to rom a buani use towaed the worke, n which was cau ht| the zleam of fedoral bayonets. They had br ken the lines tiere, captured rise | the fort§ and were rapid'y advzancing, apparenily to attack General Leo's | :Light ivner vorks dicectly in the sub- | urbs of Petersburg. I wsas very wuch struck with his | | ealmness on thix trying oczasion, and | | have often rem 2, another | | mbered it since as a | remarkable proof ofthe extraordinary | coclness and eguipoiss of his charac- He was standing in the widst of house where he had his headquarters, looking through his field glass at a federal brigads cr divieion adyancing at a double-quick to charge a battery | posted on a knoll about three hundred | yards to the right of the hous:. Hai face was entirely composed, and noth- | ing in his appearance indicated any emotion whatever. Havivy asked a friend iu the group of officers if .he could inform me where I could find Gen. Pendleton, chiet of artillery, Gen. Lee, ‘heariog the questicn, turned round qutetly, reized his hat in return for my own salute, and told me in a mild voice what I wished to know. In a few minv the federal icfantry, at which he had been loo’ ing, charged the guns on the knoll, whick came off | under a hot musket fire, and Gen. | Lee, finding that h was in dar ger of capture, mounted his gray and rode back slowly tow:rd the town. As he was surrounded by a considerable number of «fficars the group attracted the atiention of the enemy, and they opened fire on it. One of the shells killed the horse of an offizer within a few feet of me ard cut the bridle reins of another, and asecond shell exploded direcily behind Gen. Lee, within a few feet, it seemed, of his back but without hurting him. His escape was remarkable, as the fragments of the shell raised the dust around him not wering his dress-aword, which was wth bis bag Gen. Leo showed no emotion, thovgh he had | looked forward to the surender with a fee! of despair, and exclaimed to one of hisstff: ““How -asily I could get rid of this and bo at rest! I have made a suddin attack on ths force fn his front—ors of his old reckless as- saulls which on < 8o many “becasions during the atter months of the war had carried werything before them. There was azeneral conviction in ths army that (ordon could be counted on to effect buything that was dot ab- solurely impssible; but he had here met with tle impcssible. The forca of infantry and cavalry in his front was quite qerpowering. He first at- tacked Gap Sheridan’s cavalry and drove it a considerable distance, but then he cane on the i f:niry, and fell back. Theresult was that Gen. Lee sent a flagto Gen. Grant with a view to sarrende his army, and soon after- ward went;o Appomattox Court-honse ! to meet hin thers. These eents occarred quite rapidly and the vidnity of the village had be some a scere of dep interest, though it could hedly be called one of ex- citement. There was ne *‘noise and confusion, avd Longetreet's small corpse of wo or three thousand men, who had lesn sent for from the rear, advancedsteadily in piofound silence to form Ine of battle behind the hill. From casial observ:tion of the ground at the shespot it struck me as a sort with the confede- ¥ of amphthe rates in tie " d the f-de au- dieuce, » ‘o epeakr, on the raised seats. The surrounding hills were excellentpositions for artillery, aud the smal force conld be easily des- troyed, it seemsd There was no doub: wout tue federal force “up” and resd for attack, The late Gen. Custer, hen s young cavaley officer, with long, curling hzir, and wearing a velvet wdress jicke:, rode down the slope wih a flag, and I heard him ex- clum, n an excited voice: “We have eigaty thousand men just over that hill” pointing behind him as he sooke it the dicection of the court- house. At tle moment only the federal cavalry were visible, and the situation was no encouraging. They were drawn p in a very beavy column, or rather lne of battle, in the depression opposity the coufederate left. A broad rivine gave us a good view of them—i solid aud black mass, with light flshing from the =abres. They preducyd the impression of being ready and only being held in leash, which, I suppose, affords a good idea of the fact. THE WHITE FLAG, Ther2 was no further fighting, how ever. Gen. Lee had ridden to the court louse, and agreed to the terms of suriender proposed by Gen. Grant, who very courtsouely spologized for ouly t» ride alor g the line and all will he over.” Hesaid, however, in refore ence t» the terma: “The question ir, whether it is right. If it is right, 1 take the responsibility.” The terms were that the army should snrrender and return to their homes—the officers £ taining their side-arns and the men their private horses—there to “remain undlsturbea,” as I find from looking ing at my ‘‘paroled prisoner’s pess.” While this was going on, and whtle the small furce of confederates in rear of the court house kad not the lrast idea that tre whole aff:ir was over, a picturesque—it mizht be called dra- matic—incident indicated everything. A coinmn of federal infantry, which had peesed through the court house, advanced to the brow of the hill above, wavirg in front of them the largest white flag I have ever seen. Wiiere it was pr cured has always re- mained a mystery to me to Tt is barely e that a white fleg of any sort was so unexpocted and monstrous to us that its size was ex- aggerated, With its appearance some- thing like the hush of death fell on everything. The men seemed unable to believe their eyes, and stared at the ominous white signal, wavivg to and fro, wita stupid wender. They were in position ready to fight, with cannon already in battery, the gune’ muzzles TYHE-DAILY-EEE: - DECEMBER 6, 1550. on both sides fraternized and inter- changed visite, laughing over ‘‘old times,” and the armies of the Poto- mac and Northern Virginia had had a good many ‘“old times” with each other. I did not chancs to observe this. The only fraternizing I noticed was that between Gen. Lee and Gen. | Meade—Lee in his brown felt hat and gray riding-cape, and Meade in his small cap and blue uniform, riding be- side each other with the gray and blue staff officers, mingled harmoniously. A few days afterward Appomatox court-house, which had suddenly emerged from obscurity, and become connec.ed with a great event of his- tory, sank to silence azain, and was completely deserted. The men of the Southern army went quietiyhome through the wasted fields, not crying over what was ir- remediable. or having the least inten- iion of living disorderly lives, becom- ing outlaws, or keeping up a hopeless conflict. Tne issue of secession had been tried by arms; arms had decided it, and the worsted side ought to submit, Powder . When young maidens stoop to folly, To mal h* on simple beau, Don’t the now that melancholy Will result from *‘daubing” so? And that *“‘powd- ri a pri Men remark with heartfelt pa Out cf range is safest tactics Of the girl who “poffs” and “bangs.” ITitusville World. RELIGIOUS. The sale of pews in the Presbyter: ian church in Atlantic, Iowa, the oth- er day realized $930. A Presbyterian church of 93 mem- bers was recently organized among the Nez Perces Indians in the Indian aliory. The number of churches belonging to the Philadelphia Baptist associa- tion is 83, of which scveral are col- ored. There are 79 ed.fices with 29 chapels Tha value of these houses is almost $2,000,000. They are pro- vided with 42,333 sittings. In the two Episcopal dioceses in New Jersey there are 169 clergy and 14,442 communicants, of whem 7,518 are in Northern New Jersey. i There were 619 coniirmations the past year n New Jeraey and 609 in Northern New Jersey. Eighteen years ago the first Pro- testant church of Br:zil was organized in Riv Janeiro with two members. Since then moro than 3000 persons have joined this church, and churches have been planted in different parts of the empire. By the summary of the growth of the Congregational churches preseat- 2d at_the council at St. Louis, it ap- pears that 330 new Corgregational churches have been orgavized, and 169 dropped from the roll, making the net gain 165, and the total number of churches in the country now 3674, with a membership in full of 389,920, and a gain in three years of 17, It the late congregational national council at St. Louie, Mo., the Rev. Jazeph Ward, of Dakota,read a mem- orial from the missionaries of that territory protesting against the pres ent Indian policy of the United States vovernment, as farming out to the Roman Catholic and Zyiscopal church- es all religious rights in Dakota, which enables those churches to pract:cally take possession of all the work of the dencminations which started missions miny years ago. The scaffold: s are still up arcund the towers of Ci ue Cathedral, and The Cologne Gazette says that it will be necessary to keep at work upon them ali vext year, and much, too, as to be done in the matter of glaz- windows and forming and ®ing ically wrought doors. The zeite puts the whole cost when com leted at 86,300,000, which was aboat the cest of St. Panl’sin London. The Second Presbyterian church of Chic#go has cslled the Rev. John Maclutosh, of Belfzst, Ireland, at a salary of $8,000a year. The commit- pointing, and thera was to be no more fighting! General Lee was g ing to surrender! like a shower of musket-balls, and the incident seemed to excitelhim for the first time. His face had been quite composed up to this moment, but suddenly flushed with anger. He turned his head over his right shoal- The man at the side of the shaft pald out the slender line again, aud old hands watched it closely. Yardefter {Il’d ran out. The great coil at his et snaked itself,ring by ring,through his coaly fingers. Still no warning messenger came from below. The en- gine stopped at jlast, and they kmew that the foot of theshaft was reached. Had the explorer fainted by the way? He might, for all they knew above, be roasting down below that minute. Even then his soul, newly released, might be above them. ‘hrough the desa silencc of the crowd the word flashed to the engine- room. The wheel went round, and the wire rope glided and quivered np again, over it. There was not a man or woman therejwho did not auger the same thing from the tenser quiver of the rope, and when, at last, through the thinner colls of smoke about the top ot the shaft the rescuer’s figurc awung with the first of the rescued in his arms, there was heard one sound of infinite Eathon—a sigh of relief from 20,000 breasts—and dead silence fell again. “Alivet” asked one, laying & hand on Bowker's arm. Bill nodded and pushed him by, and jmade his way to that marble face, nursing his bur- den atill. “‘Seliner,” he said quiety, ‘‘here’s your l'udml!'.. % “No, no, no, Bill,” she answered, ““There's on’ one man i’ the world for me, Bill, if he ever forgives me an’ my wicked ways.” Cheer and cheer of triumph rang in their eass. The women fought for Bill Bowker, and cried over him. Men shook hands with him and with each other, Strangers mingled their toars. The steel rope was gliding up and down at a rare rate now and the half suffocated prisoners of the fire were being carried up in batches. Selina and her lover ttood by side and saw the last ¢kipful to the sarface. “That's the lot,” yelled one coal- smeared giant as the skip swung up. Out broke the cheers again, peal on peal. Willlam stood silent, with the der and looked at the federal guns with the.expression of a man who would like to charge them. He grew calm in a few moments, however, and, saying to an officer in a matter-of-fact- voloe, “This is & bad business, col- onel,” rode on, still under the fire of the shell, at a slow , to the low {oner works manned by a thin line of infantry. On the morning of what a rhetor- ical writer would be apt to call the ““fatal day” I rode up to Appcmattox Court-house, which is a village on a hill, with the natural curiosity to find what was going to take place. It was certain that the events of this fore- noon would decide everything, as Appomattox was, in military phrasa, the ‘‘defile” through which the con- federates must pass to their safety or destruction. A heavy federal force, whether lnhnnz or cavalry was not known, was in front, and the declsive moment had come. If it was only calvalry it was tolerably sure that a man like Gordon, at the head of his five thousand veterans, would make short work of them; butif the federal infantry was up in heavy force it was uite as ocertain that it would make ort work of Gordon. He had ad- vanced considerably beyond the court- house, and there were no troops in the village at the moment I entered it androde on. There were traces of an engagement, however, on the night before, and I have often thoughtsince of a trifling circumstance, it it may be called such, which attracted my at- tention. The dead body of a young artillery officer was lying in the road up the hill. A few weeks ago he had sent in his application for a month’s farlough to go and see his wife, who was dangerously ill, and though a general order directed that no leaves whatever should ‘be granted, I for- warded hie application to Col. Tsylor, chief of :ul{ calling his attention to the case. He gave the young officer ten days, and he duly went and re- turned, and was now dead. SCENES AT APPOMATTOX. Gordon oarried out his orders and FEELING OF THE OFEICERS AND MEN. I try to give a true idea of the scene as I witnessed it and the feel- ings of the confederates. It certainly was at firs! a feeling of utter astonish ment, then of anger and misery. Of this I will give two examples. The officers of the army fell into a rage at the idea of the surrender, aud espec- ially an unconditional surrender, which was said to be Gen. Grant's way on such occasions. I was in the midst of a group of officers and I muat say we had all very nearly lost our heads. One, with a violent oath, swore that he would be consigned to a nameloss place if he would surrender unconditionally for Gen. Lee or any one. The alternative of forming a column of mounted officers and cut- ting through the federal line was nearly adopted, but given up. It was seen to be hopeless even by these men, whose heads were nearly turned with anger. The feeling of the men in the ranks I do not so well know. 1 can only speak of one of them, a ragged infantryman, who came up to me and mentioning his command ssked me if I could tell where he could find it. “Never mind,” I ssid to him, “there 1sno use looking for it now. $he army has surrendered.” I nlnlfnever forget the expression of his face or the tone of his voice when he replied to me. “Suarrendered!” he exclaimed, look- ing at me with a sudden haggard ex- pression in his eyes. ‘‘Gen. Lee, sur- rendered! Mister, den't be joking with a poor fellow."” He burst out crying as he said this, and wandered away looking about him as he did so as if he had lost some- thing and was searching for it. Jt cer- tainly was a time when there wasa temptation to *‘shed hot tears” orgrind teeth together. The surrender was 80 unexpected that it came upon all but a few persons with the force of a sudden blow. The men flocked around Gen. Lee when he came back from his interview with Gen. Grant, and met him with shouts and tears. His reply was: ““We have fought through the war together. I have done the best I could for you. My heart is too full to say more.” LEE AND MEADE. Afterward it is said that the troops tee who chose him think it necessary to offer the following .xplanation: ““We canvassed the country to find an American-born and American-educa- ted minister to present as the candi- date for the pastoral office of the church, and on whom the church could unite, but could not find the suitable peraon for the place who would or could be moved. Mr. Mac- Intosh, whom we recommend to you, is anative born American, of Scotch parentage and Irish education, and this means a thoroughness of educa- tion that qualifies him to fill any pul- pitin thelamd.” — “Theres Notsuing Like It® A little *“father” o'er the stile As James would fain a sister— As ekesome “‘mother’ lads would do, He bent him down and kisszd her. The maiden cried, ** *Aunt’ you a wretch ‘To treat a girl 8o badly ? You'd ‘daug_ter’ be ashamed, I say, To ‘cousin’ me so sadly !’ ” — PEPPERMINT DROPS. Some men_are called muffs because they are used to keep a flirt’s hand in. —[Buffalo Courier. A new use for oleomargarine has been discovered. For making a gitl's banga stick, it is far superior to gen- uine butter. “There’s no place like- home,” re- peated Mr. Henpeck, looking at a motto; and he beartily added, ‘‘I'm glad there isn’t.” The New Orleans Picayune says: “Winking photographs are made to wink so naturally that ‘some of them areliable to be sued for breach of promise.’” Thisis a joke, however, Humor is the effervescence of phi- losophy.—[New York News. The seidlitz powder of common sense, as it were; to be taken before it ceases foaming ard grows stale.—[New Ha- ven Register. A Pennsylvania paper, in speakin, of a politician, says his varm .,§ better than a pint of whisky. Then it is also probable that his character ia no stronger than a pound of Lim- burger. An Ohio man, ambitious to be = ident, has met with a sad mhionlx’xrn!:. Encouraged by Garfield’s success, he hired out as a driver of a canal b:m, and had just succeeded in getting the mules started when one of them reached around and kicked his brains out. Fellows are begioning already to think up good resolutions for the new year. Somethine in this style might suit the occasion: Resolved, That I will make love to no girl whose par- ents keep a bull-dog.—[Nycum Ad- vertiser, It takes five gallons of whisky to cuare an elephant’s cold, and, since this fact came out, seven ;New York men have been sent to insane asglums as nothing can convince them that they are not elephants suffering with colds. —[Boston Post. Two weeks ago a young girl stand- ing on the banks of the Ohio, and looking at a beantiful sunset, exclaim- ed, ‘‘My, how like circus limonade!” And now we have a terrific spell to pay up for it.—[Wheeling Sunday Leader. “‘Talkabout the power of the press,” softly murmured the aged granger, as he held up o view a hand he had inad- vertently left under the cider machine untilit looked like a pound of raw liver, “well,I should remark.”—[Rock land Courier. Dr. Knox, of New York state, thinks he has done a big. thing be use he has taught eome pet pigs to play euchre. Let him go into a pen— beg pardon, smoking car—on any of our railrouds, and he will find what he thiuks is a curiosity is a common enough thing. —[Boston Transcript. A correspondent wishes to know the best way to raise pork. The plan adopted by a Chicago man, who ra sed it from 810 a barrel to $17, seems to work well, bat as it requires $6,000,- 000 capital to start with the average farmer instinctively shune it. Itwas in » San Francisco restaur- aot, the other night, that a waiter was apologizing to a guest for the di- lapidated state of his nspkin. “‘Don’t mention it,” re ponded the customer, esadly, ‘I don’t mind the holes in the least. That part of your napkin is always sure to be clean.” And for the next ten minutes nothing could be heard but the butter combing its halr out in the pantry. Those are cute fellows, those York sharpers. One of them ad tised that he could cure a turn-up noee, znd would send directfons to all who weuld forward & doltar. A sent this amount, and was told in r ply to employ a blacksmith to hit her nose on the end with a sledge ham- nier, No matter how deep a young max's pocket may he, a colored eilk ha kerchief will inevitably float t top and flop over, while a soiled linen rag will ajuk to the bottom like a hrick thrown in a mud-puddle.—[New York Dispatch. The romor that the preizel erop this year is a failure is a baae r orback got up for political effect. The vines were not injured by the early f and the burning heat of last July shrunk the pretzel a littlein crop will average sixty bushels to the acre. A subacriber wants to k to pot plants for the wi best way is to precare a enough to hold ali the pitch 'em in, covi r with ¢ the pot in one corner of th spring time comes again, nie. HKvery plant may boas dead as Julius Ciesar; but this is beiter than to carry $5 worth of p ret in the fail and bes of labor and attention on t ing the winter.—[Norris A Bosten man besou being but three years m priv of a mnight kev?” she exclaime amazemeat, ‘‘what for a night-key, whe Eaancipation L unight, the ‘La Tuesday, the “Sis nexday, the ‘Woman's Tharsday, the ‘Dau Friday, and the *Wou ive Art Associstion’ and tl Band’ on alternate Saturday nights. Youstay at home and ses that the yon have ‘Women's baby doesn’t- fall out of the cradle. He stays.—[Burdette. IMPIETIHS. How to prevent new boots frcm squeaking in church—wear your old ones. A transcendentsl preacher took for his text, ‘‘Feed my lambs.” As he came out of the church a plain old farmer said to him, “That was a very good text; but you placed the hsy so high in the rack that the lambs counld not reach it, northe old sheep either."” The Lowell Citizen makes a great ado over the fact that a certain dog chooses toattend church different from that of his master. Don’t see any- thing to telk about. ~ We never heard of a dog's being limited in his choice of religior by hls master. Dogs are seldom forced to adopt a faith repug nant to their feelinga. A good churchman was commenting nt tha breskfast table on the conduct of one (f the vestry, when he was suddenly in‘errupted by his hopeful, aged seven, ¢Xclaiming, “papa, why don't yeu pull down your vestryman}” — Bosto: Commercisl Bulletin. When the Rev. J. E. Giles, the miserly prescher, dled in a stable at Watervliet, N. Y., a few weeks ago, $20,000 in bonds and money were found on his person. Even on the day of his death he bad been begging from door to door, Since the publi- cation of the case several alleged widows snd swarms of cousins have put in their clalms for the miserable old msn's hoardings, and the officers of Albany county are very much puzzled to find the rightful heirs. During the fourteenth centurythere lived in Ispahan a rich Jewish mer- chant. Persecution fixed upon him as a victim. The Oadiof Ispahan, from motives of jealously and slass prejudice, made matters so unpleasant for the Jew that in despair he went 10 him and sald, *“‘You will not allow me to live here; where shall I go?” #Goto Bagdad,” replied the Maufti. «But,” responded the Hebrew, ‘“‘your brother rules there.” “Go to Ispann then.” ‘‘But your uncle ia chief magis- trate there.” “Go to Damascus, then.” “Bat your nephew rules there.” ““Then, if my family will noc allow you to live in this world, go to h—L."” *Ah, me,” replied the fJew, +‘you you forge® your respected father is doad.” 45 Yearsbeforethe Pu THE CENUINE |} DR.C.McLANE'S LIVER PILLS are not recommended as a remedy all the il's that flesh is heir to,” b affections of the Liver, and in all Bil Complaints, Dyspepsia, and Sick ache, or diseases of that character, they stand without a rival ACUE AND FEVER. No better cathertic can be u paratory to, or after a simple purgative they are unequa BEWARE OF The zenui Each box with the impre PILL. Eac IMITATIONS. TLENING BRO the i he but s bei vne Melan HIW TO CURE CONSUMPTION, COUGHS, Colds, Asthma, Croup, All disenses of the Throat, Lungs, and Pulmonary Organs. USE ACCORDING TO DIRECTIONS ALLEN'S LUNG BALSAM. UNLIKE PILLS AND TH 2 USUAL PURGATIVES, IS PLEAS- ANT T0 TAKE, And will prose at he medt potent and ha f and CLEANS L THE ORIGINAL. BRIGCS HOUSE | Cor. Randolph St. & 6th Ave. OHICAGO ILL. RICES DUCED TO $2.00 AHD $2.50 PER DAY ) P of am m ny J. H. €U OGDEN HOUSE, Cor. MARKET ST. & BROADWAY Council Bluffs, fowa: On line o Btreet Rallway, Omnibus ‘o and from all trans. RATES—Parior floor, $3.00 per day; second floor, $2.50 per day ; third floor, $2.00. The beat furnished and moet commodioas house n the city. GEO. T. PHELPS Prop FRONTIER HOTEL, Laramie, Wyoming. The miners resort, good accommodatlons, arge sam ple room, charges reasonable. Special sttention given %o ‘rlvullnt men. 11-tf H. ¢ HIL l!EDA_l_'mnflemI. " INTER - OCEAN HOTEL, Cheyenne, Wyoming. First-ciass, Fine argo Sample Rooms, one block from depot. Trainestop from 20 minutes to 2 hours for dinner. Free Bus toand from Depot. Kates $200, $2.60 aad $8.00, according to room; s'ngle meal 75 centa. ! A. D. BALCOM, Proprietor. ‘W BORDEN, l}ll' Clerk. mlo-t "UPTON HOUSE, Schuyler, Neb. Flist-clase House, Good Méals, Grod Beds and’ kind and sccommodating ~ Atry treatment. Twn good sample rooms. Bpecis attention paid to commercial travelors. 8. MILLER, Prop., Schuyler, Neb, M:cxhine Wc;:ks, oMAITaA NER. J. Hammond, Prop. & Manager. The most thorough appointed and complete Machine 8] and Foundry In the state. Castings of every description manufacted. Engines, Pumps aud every class of machinery made to crder. pecial attentlon given to Well Augurs, Pulleys, Hangers, shafting,Bridge Irons,Geer Cutting, etc ¥iaustor new Machinery, Meachanical Draught. g, Models, ete., neatiy executed. 56 Harnev St., Bet. 14t and 15th. JNO. G. JACOBS, (Formarly ot Glah & Jacobey UNDERTAKER No. 1417 Farnham 8t., Old Btand of Jacob Gia ORDERY BY THKLEGRAPH SULICITS o1y fi & week 1n your own towa, _lerms aad outfis fres, Address H. Hallett§s O Tiand. W als-e