The Nonpartisan Leader Newspaper, May 27, 1918, Page 19

the swamp! has all the children down! —puts our father on his back! “SAVE US! There is a dispute in our house about the real meaning of the word, “drilling”: Mother says drilling is a coarse cloth suitable for covering bed ticks; father says it means putting wheat dnto the ground in a very much approved mechanical fashion; brother says it means the process of acquiring military knowledge; uncle says it is a technical term in digging wells; I have just had a cavity bored out in a tooth, and my private synonym for drilling is a word used indiscriminate- ly, referring to a region of unpleasant temperature, too strictly orthodox to be used on this page. * * * A farmer saw two women fighting on the street: “Wall, I vum,” ex- claimed the man, “if it wuzn't for that air sign on this corner, I'd sure put a stop to this here squabble!” The sign in the case was on one of Uncle Sam’s receptacles for mail and read as follows: “LETTER BOX!” * * * When the baby gets loose in the dic- tionary, that is what we call a play on words. : * * * A MIDGET’S OPTIMISM No, I wouldn’t care if I did play the snare, ‘While he played the mighty bass . drum; If I did ha.ve to play with a “rat-a- . tat-tat,” While he played a “rum-atum-tum!” No, I wouldn’t mind if I did march behind, And he at the head of the band; And.I wouldn’t sneer if I sat at the rear, And he at the front of the stand! - No, I wouldn’t feel mean if I couldn’t be seen, In my regular uniform blue, Though he was ablaze in his scarlet . arrays, g And seated in prominent view! - No, I wouldn’t fret, no, nor would I forget, .- That he has a burden to bear, As he trudges along in the gaze of ‘the throng, While I have a snap with the snare! No, I wouldn’t pout; no, mor harbor a As hxs “rum-a-tum~tum—atum—tum !” THE BUSY FLY Oh, the little busy fly, strolling gayly in the pie; wiping his germ-laden feet on”the things we have to eat; struttmg like a millionaire on our dainty bill of fare; using our new gravy bowl for his family swimming hole; p]aymg tag with all his bunch on our nicely ordered lunch; drlllmg all his ar- mored host on our freshly buttered toast; playmg tag with all his kids on our polished kettle lids! When he sees our baby romp, brings him typhoid from Finds where measles germs are bred—off our mother goes to bed! Gets the mumps from Mrs. Brown—soon Scares up chicken-pox and then —down the children go.again! SAVE US!”’ loud we cry Echo answers, “SWAT THE FLY % !ff . doubt, : That the “rat-a-tat-tat” of “my drum, Is"a part of the game, and is needed - the same, s b B et e e i e Scatters grip along his track Deacon Crackleskin had just recov- ered from an attack of appendicitis, and so great was he in the little Bing- ville congregation that the minister decided upon a special thanksgiving service to show the joy of the people in the good man’s recovery. ; _ The only really funny thing that happened that day was when the min- ister announced the first hymn. Turn- ing to the extreme back of the hymn book, he said in a very solemn voice: “Brethren, let us all arise and sing, ‘Peace Be Forever’ in the appendix!” * * * ‘When the telephone was first in operation it is said that a minister re- quested his choir all to go down to the nearest office and make use of it. ‘When asked by the haughty old maid who led the singing why he wished them to do that, the minister replied: “I understand this marvelous new in- vention enables you to throw your voice clear across the state of Penn- sylvama!” % * * IF YOUR HOGS ARE GOING TO YIELD YOU A PROFIT, THEY MUST BE COVERED BOTH WITH HAIR AND INSURANCE. . A Don’t feel too much puffed up be- cause “u” are counted twice in the “upper crust”; remember that “i” am right in the mlddle of the “ple” my- self! * * * “And what are these on this plate ?” asked the husband. “Ah, my dear,” replled the wife, “those are war biscuits.” “War biscuits?” said the husband in partial bewilderment, “Oh, I see— ammunition, of course!” O * *® The man who wears B. V. D.’s can console himself with the fact that he has a “V” in his underwear, even if he hasn’t any in the pockets of his outside garments. PROUD OF LINDBERGH'S PICTURE Mount Vernon, S. D. Editor Nonpartisan Leader: Enclosed find 15 cents for three pla- cards of Lindbergh to be mailed to O. K. Egge, Butterfield, Minn. I could not cut out the coupon in my Leader as then the Lindbergh picture on the cover would have been gone. I am a Nonpartisan - and am stopping = all newspapers that are working against the ‘League. : JOSEPH ‘EGGE. ADVERTISEMENTS A yvaluable Poultry Booklet will be WE ARWELL I!R_E§ mailed free to subscribers of this CUT OUT THE TIRE PROFITEER P. J. KELLY We ship them to you 12 Kelly Bldg. Minneapolis, Minn. C. 0. D. ON APPROVAL NO MONEY IN ADVANCE And every tire is guaran- teed be perfect in ma- nical, Op g'!niekar tban old—{mhioncd mothods. M-da lor andml: ub or commercial use. Many wero disa) not getting -n outfitlast year. Expect bigger demand Be gafe, investigate now. Write nearest terial and workmanship. Size Plain Skid Tubea 32 Butler B g B. Soxsy $1§.§8 slg'gg $250 0 632 Butler Bldg. 8896Av-.8. 23 4 . b Kansas City, Mo, Minneapolis, Minn. 32x314 1346 1450 2.65 81x4 7.35 18.70 3.15 82x4 17.60 19.00 3.25 838x4 18.560 20.00 3.30 84x4 18.95 20.40 3.45 35x415 25.86 28.05 4.40 37x5 30.80 33.65 5.40 Manufacturers constantly writing ws INNER TUBES FULLY hr patents. List of inventions actually GUARANTEED uest nnd book ‘‘How to Obtain a Pat- Other Sizes In Stock. EQUITY TIRE COMPANY 1208 Hennepin, Minneapolis WEARWELL TIRES WEARWELL \E 7 ‘V'Vlf'late :;Egat:?la ori‘lgtemt? to w‘g llll’v-:l.lntfl- 8 Chandlee & Chandlee, Patent Attorneys Est. 21 Years 505 7thSt.,Washingtea,D.C. FRECKLES Now Is the Time to Get Rid of These Ugly Spots. . There’s no_longer the slightest need of feel- ing ashamed of your freckles, as Othine— double strength—is guaranteed to remove these homely spots. Simply get an ounce of Othine—douhle strength—from your druggist, and apply ‘a little of it night and morning and you should soon see that even the worst freckles have be- gun to disappear, while the lighter ones have vanished entirely. It is seldom that more than one ounce is needed to completely clear the gkin and gain a beautiful clear complexion. Be sure to ask for the double strength Othine, as this is sold under guarantee of money back if it fails to remove freckles. A LEAGUE TEXT-BOOK Every League booster will have to do a lot of arguing during this campaign. Everybody will be askmg you questions on the League pro- . gram. Can you hold your own in argument? Can you answer these questions? Don’t you wish a thousand times that you knew more facts and could put up a better argument? To Secure the Highest Price “for Your Wool and Pelts Ship Direct to the Equity Co- Operative Exchange ST. PAUL, MINN. Owned .and Controlled by Farmers WRITE FOR INFORMATION ‘We have found the book that will nge you the ammunition for this fight. It is “The High Cost of Living,” by Frederic C. Howe. It is a regular League textbook. The only trouble we could find with the book was that it sold for $1.50. While it was well worth the money, we felt that if we could sell it for less we could get more copies in circula- tion. So we wrote the publisher and we have bought a special League edition to sell for $1.00 per copy to League members. The numkter is limited—get your order in at once. this Look. _Just cut off the following coupon, pin a dollar bill to it and you will receive by return- mail the best book you ever read on the farmer's problems and the League program. THE NATIONAL NONPARTISAN LEAGUE, I Educational Dept. Endicott Bldg., St. Paul, Minn. I Enclosed find $1.00 for which please send me Howe’s “High Cost of Living.” I You can’t afford to be without THE 1918 CAMPAIGN The 1918 campaign is on! What are you going to do to help win it? Of course you will vote right 'and of course you will boost for all you are worth. But what about helping with the organization work? Of course we know you will go along with the organizer in your community and do all you can but why not be an organizer yourself ? Our success depends upon how complete we can make the organization. Now who do you expect to do this work? Not Big Business surely—or the Chamber of Commerce or big millers or the big packers or the Steel Trust. They are doing all they can to tear down our organization, Who is building it? Why the farmers themselves! League organizers are farmers and farmers’ boys who know that if we want this job done, we've got to do it ourselves. How about you? Can’t you give some time to this work? Can you go to work now? We have a training course for organizers which will fit you for the work. If you can’t arrange your affairs to do organizing now, can’t you take the training course now and be ready for work after seeding or this fall after harvest? Think what success in the fight for democracy at home means in the winning of the war— what it means to our boys at the front. Think what taking government out of the hands of Big Business, and the profiteers means to you and to your famx)y and to every working man and woman in the United States. Let the boys at the front know we are backing them in the fight for world democracy by cleaning up the profiteer at home. . - . ‘Will you help? Write us today about orgnniution work and get on the firing line. THE NATIONAL NONPARTISAN LEAGUE, - Raumationsl Department, Endicots Bldg., € Paul, Minn. R I - I want full particulars of organization work, Wi PAGE fi‘mmm