The Nonpartisan Leader Newspaper, January 14, 1918, Page 13

Craft Prostrated b HIS Failure BY L B. RIPP, the Repqrtér EER Mistur Editur: No suner sed than dun. That's the way things air goin’ theze daze. It starts in to shower an’ then pours, az it wur, figuratively speakin’, 86 to speak. In-my last lettur I tole you that Crafty had a big skeem cooked up at Denver whur he had Slipry an’ Dodger bizzy on the job doin’ the cookin’, Well, not only did thay cook it—thay burnt it—burnt it to a crack- lin’, an’ now Crafty iz in the horspittal with anuther one uv hiz nervous spells. But I'm gittin] this sow by the tail instid uv by the noze, so here goze fur the noze: The nite we cum down offen Pike's Peak an’ after me an’ Stick had had supper at a little grab-it-an’-eat-while- yourun feed trough an’ had gone to our roomin’ house an’ wuz settin’ out in frunt an’ Stick wuz talkin’ to the landlady an’ I wuz playin’ with the little yaller dog, the telefone rung. It wuz Crafty callin’ me. He talked sort- er low an’' ast me to meet him at the corner—the corner by the swell rest- yer-aunt. I tole Stick I'd have to run down to the telegram office a minnit an’ he cud stay an’ talk to the land- lady, bein’ as she wuz a widder that _sorter plezed Stick, an’ I beet it fur the corner. ; Crafty wuz on the dot—also on the corner, <] want to have a little private con- versashun with you, Mr. Head,” he sed, impressively, takin’ me by the arm an’ leadin’ the way to the last stall at the back end uv the dinin’ room. - I protested that I wuzzent hungry but he sed that I didn’t need .to eat ennything unless I wanted to. We got seeted an’ he ordered a lot uv lite stuff—sich az apple dumplin,” mince pie, swiss chees. ice cream an’ so forth an’ so on, et cetra. CRAFTY WANTS TO SHAKE MR. STICK “Can you shake the crazy ’un?” Crafty ast, sudenly leanin’ over an’ lookin’ me strait in the ize. “You mean—you mean—" “I mean that dingbusted crazy farm- " er—Stick, I bleve you call him. I'm afraid uv that guy. He goze off half cocked an’ ef he keeps it up long anuf he’ll kill sumbody shore’s shootin’. We ~can’t do no bizness with that nut hang- in’ around. Why he's az nutty as a - Stick stayed to talk to the lady pecan tree in the fall uv the year an’ you've .got to shake him or we'ré up a telefone pole.” “He haint no more nuttier than them two frends uv yourn, ef he's az nutty,” I cum back with a stiff jolt, as it wur, never battin’ an’ eye. This sorter let sum uv the wind outen hiz sale an’ he sot thar non- complussed, so to speak, for a full minnit or maybe it wuz a minnit an’ a half. Then a brite idee crep into hiz noodle. “I'll shake them ef you’ll shake him,” he sed, deliverin’ the brite idee on a silver platter, as it wur. “Agreed,” sed I, reachin’ across the table and graspin’ him by the hand. Then we fell to devourin’ the apple dumplin’s, the mince pie, the swiss cheeze an’ the ice cream. CRAFTY EXPLAINS HIS BIG, NEW PLAN . Before -we parted fur the nite we fixed it up that we wuz to meat at the depot next mornin’ at nine an’ take the trane fur Denver. Az Stick an’ the widder wuz still gazin’ at the moon when I got back, I didn’t have much trouble in shakin’ him. I tole him I had received a message that my furst wife’s muther-in-law’s sister’s- niece’s baby gurl wuz sick in Denver an’ that they wanted me to cum up. Both Stick an’ the widder sed thay hoped the kid woodn’t dy but I'm shore thay wuz glad it wuz sick. ‘When we got seeted on the trane the next day Crafty opened up hiz big skeem to me. \ “You see,” he sed, confidentially like, “Denver iz so fur away from St. Paul that the leeders uv the Leeg can’'t keep close tab on what's goin’ on out here. Now we've got sum uv the smoothest munipulaters uv the po- litical game out here that ever pulled a political wire. Before the wimmen got to voten we had ezey salin but when thay got into politicks we had a purty stiff fite—but it didn’t last long —an’ still we’ve got to be on the job all the time. But we’'ve allus man- aged to git two or three uv the leeders in controll—that splits up thur forces —an’ the rest iz as ezey as slidin’ down hill on a bob-sled. Ye see, wim- men aint no better ’en men when it cums to politicks an’—” “You don’t meen to tell me thbat Crafty fell his full length in the middle of the floor wimmen shoodnt vote?” I ast, heet- edly. “Not ef we can controll ’em,” he cum back az quick as a wink. “That iz ef we can controll a few uv ’em—a few uv the leeders. We don’t need all uv ’em—jist anuf to divide 'em up—" SPLIT THE VOTERS, CRAFTY’S THEORY “Do you think wimmen air worse ‘en men?” I sed, diggin’ in deeper. “Majority uv ’em air jist az good az the men—fur that matter the majority uv the men air good—thay mean to do the right thing—the fack iz we split ’em up by gitten controll uv part uv the leeders. That's all thar iz to this game—git a few uv the leeders—jist one or two uv the biggest ones in each stait—do that an’ the rest iz like takin’ candy frum a kid—the kid crys an’ so do thay, but what’s the use after you've got the candy: Let ’em cry till jist a short time before the next elecshun an’ then give ’em sum more candy— then take that away frum ’em after the elecshun. That’s the game.” I wuz facinated by this cold bludded’ filosofy which Crafty announced. See- in’ my interested expression he went on: “Uv course it’s a shame to do it, but ef thay haint got sense anuf to git together an’ stick together, whoze to. blame? Nobody but thurselves. You don’t get sumthin’ fur nothin’ in this cuntry—you got to fite fur it—that’s the way we do. “But az I started to say,” he went on, tyin’ a knot in the broken line uv thot, “the skeem we’re cookin’ up is to git sum uv the stait leeders uv the Leeg here in this stait to pull outen the national organizashun, form a in- dependent stait organizashun, incor- porate it under the law—an’ then we've- got ’em hip an’ thigh. We’'ve got ’em fur two rezons. We've got ’em be- cauze that’ll cauze frictshun, dissen- shun an’ consequent loss uv energy. Then we've got ’em because we’ll have the law on ’em. When it becums a corporashun, it iz a legal person an’ can sue or be sued at law. Now we'’re not interested in it bein’ able to sue, but we're dingbustedly interested in it bein’ able to be sued—see? We've got plenty uv lawyers, who jist fur the fun uv it—provided we pay the cost—will trump up sum charge an’ drag the thing into court. That makes two sides to the thing an’ sum will take one side an’ sum the uther—an’ thair you air—split open agin’. “An’ besides all that we can publish it fur.an’ near that az the thing is in, corporated now, ever member will be liable fur its debts. I geare the tar outen the farmers. Not ~.only will it keep them that aint jined PAGE THIRTEEV 1 guess that'll’ frum_: iinln’, but will cauze a lot uv ’em .to withdraw—an’ that’s what we air after—to bust it up—bust it up!” CRAFTY IS NERVOUS— CAN'T SIT STILL Jist -then we arived at Denver an’ went strait to the Soakum hotel. Crafty ast the hotel clerk ef -Slipry an’ Dodger wuz. thar an’ he sed no: He sed thay had not bin thar fur three daze. But he sed thay left wurd that thay’ed be back that day but thay hadn’t cum yit. This worried Crafty an’ he walked the floor, ‘chewed hiz stubby mushtash an’ looked turribly: puzzeled. I‘inally we sined up fur rooms an’ went to ‘em. Crafty invited me into his room:--He took off hiz coat an’ unbuttoned: hiz collar, tho it wuzzent very:het=uther.: He went over an’ sot down on the bed, then got up an’ went oveér an’ sot down-en-the sofa. He didn’t--mere'n git_sot: down tell he_ got up a Went over ™ an’ ~looked “out uv th %«’1 his pockets an’ walked the, Aqot, “hiz hed hangin’ down an’ hiz feachures He stoppéd an’ sot’down . in the rockin’ cheer, leened. back.an’: sighed a deep an’ shudderin’ sigh. I very deliberately filled my corn cob pipe, lit it an’ started in to fill the! a-twitchin’. room with blew smoke, all the time a-watchin’ him like a' cat watchin’ a crippled mouse. Suddenly he got up an’ started walk- in’ the floor agin. He stopped suddenly . in frunt uv me, while desperashun and dispair wuz ritten over his face. “I can’t understand it, Mr. Head, I can’t understand it,” he groaned, half to hizself an’ half to me. “I'm afeard sumthin’ turrible haz -happened,” he went on. ‘“You see I've bin fooled so menny times in my fite with this blast- ed Leeg that I'm actually.in terror all : the time, not knowin’ one minnit what iz goin’ to happen the next.” SCHEME FALLS THROUGH; CRAFTY PROSTRATED I very calmly smoked my peace uv pipe an’ let him rage. the pint whur I did not feel gorry fur him enny more when he tuck them - crazy spells. - Suddenly he started walkin’ the floor agin. ‘“Ting-a-ling, ting-a-ling,” went‘ the, : telefone. Crafty started az ef stabbed wlth a’ hat pin an’ dropped into a cheer, 1 kep on smokin’ an’ revelin’ in purfeck indifference an’ unconsurnedness. The fone rung agin. “P-p-pleze. a-a-ansur that,” he mum- ,beled I stepped to the-fone. clerk down stairs, an’ he ast fur Mr, (Continued 'on -page 23) . . inder. Then he ramed hiz han’s'{down into - -1 had got to- It wuz the |