The Nonpartisan Leader Newspaper, October 7, 1915, Page 15

e LM B LS HE R PAGE SIXTEEN THE NONPARTI SAN LEADER As the Humorous Artists Look at sze" FFIYT oBLiGING e Bho—Your continual nagging is tanl hflvlng me Crazy. He—Oh! that's ail right. I'll simply hange my will and leave miy money \tk: the particular asylum you're senti i R NEARER S1s—Now, Willie, when George callg tonight, I don’'t want to catch you beek!ng through the keyhole as you did last time. i ‘Willie—No; I had planned to hide 'hnder the couch tonight instead. \ B T — POPULAR LIES. “Yes, sir, my wife and I have lived together thirty years and have nevér had a. cross word.” “My summer vacation cost me exact- ly four dollars and sixty cents a day. #Anyone whe- spends more than that is a base plutocrat.” “I make a rule to pay. all my bills regularily in cash on the first day of every month. Then there’s no ques- tion.” “If T thought there was any doubt sbout my making your daughter hap- Py, sir, I should be the last man in ‘the world to ask her to -marry me.”’ “But, my dear, this is only my sec- ond cigar today.” Yes, sir. Ten thousand miles in that car of mine, and my total bill for repairs is 18 cents.”—Life, A CASE .OF CONCEIT. ‘Well, if that Watson isn’t the most conceited, self-satisfied, self-— 2 “Yes, T've heard you say something ‘of that kind before. What’s started you off ‘this time.” “He .just ‘sent- a telegram 5T con- sratulations to his mother,” “Well 147 Today’s his birthday.” ‘ wody’s Magazine, —. Tvery- " THE CAUSE. "t:|| Mr., Bunny—What's the matter, Mr. Tiger? Mr. Tiger—I ate a rabbit this morn- ing, and it disagreed with me. Mr. Bunny—Must have been my wlf& She’ disagrees with everybody. ' NO CHANCE FOR HIM “Does your wife always have the last word?” “Yes, and also the first and all that come between.” NOT COMMITTING HIMSELF. The centenarian was being eagerly interviewed by reporters and was asked, among other things, to what he attributed hls long life and good health. ‘Wall,” the old man replied slow- ly, “Im not in any position to say right now. You see, I've been bar- gaining with two or: three of them patent medicine concerns for a cou- ple of weeks, but I ain’t quite de- cided yet.”—Argonaut. WITHIN HER RIGHTS. A woman mountcd the steps of the elevated station carrying an um- brella like -a: reversed sabér. - An at- fendant touched her lighfly, saying: “Excuse “me; ‘madam, but you are ilkely to ‘put out the eye of the man behind you.” “Well, he’s. my husband!” she snap- ped.—Chicago Herald. . JOHN DEAD. The cub reporter saw a hearse start away from a house at the head of a funeral procession. “Who’s dead,” he mqun'ed of the corner storekeeper, who was \Yatch-' ing from his door. e “Chon Schmidt.” “John Smith!” exclaimed the cub. “You don’t mean to say John Smith is dead?” “Vell, by golly,” sald the grocer; ROUGH ON THE PROFESSION @A WIS SHARE AJZF — r— Mr. Pewee—Do you think my pres ence on the platform will advance the | cause of woman suffrage? Mrs. Henballot—It will help soma 1 intend to exhibit you as a. living | reason why women should vote. "Gruet didn’t recover from his m- ness.” “No,. he died from neglect.” “What could he expect ‘when he married a trained nurse?” BROKE. ‘A New York man entered a big toyshop on upper Broadway. He wanted ‘to buy a present for his lit- tle nephew—aged 10. Selecting a mechanical tin tramp he took it with him and presented it to the child. When tried out the top seemed to have been broken and indignantly the buyer took it back. . “Here,” he said angrily facing the salesman, “yesterday I" bought this toy from -you and when I went to wind it up last night at home I found it wouldn’t go.” “That’s the idea exactly,” replied “that’s = our the clerk, automatic tramp and it never.works.” HOPEFUL., The New Parson—-“We]l, to hear that you come to churen Ym glad twice every Sunday.” to stay away yet. a lion's skin?” Symcus——“Yes —Buffalo Courier. Tommy—° Yes, I'm not old enough ”_London : Upinion. me /RN WAY. Flubdub—“Isn’t there some fable about the ass disguising hn.xself with but now tnq col- leges do the trick with a sheepskm IF HE GETS THEAQUE | “Why not?.. He'll - mr: ‘her a M ulns husband 4 ; i A POOR DANCER iler.” * “That lets you out of ontributln. mythlng 45 > THE JEALOUS SALESMAN. A vaudeville playlet; in' one act, Scené: . Clairvoyant’s room. = Time: Witching hour of midnight. Charac- ters: Traveling salesman, medium and spirits. Salesman—Now, that you have told me I am about to fall into a big order tomorrow, tell me one thing more important yet. Medium—Name it. _ Salesman—Can you answer? Medium—Name it. Salesman—Well, 1 have a _very beautiful wife. . (his voice trembles) and 1 left her at home alone. Tell me, oh seer! what is my wife doing now? Medlum—She is looking out' of the window? Salesman——Strange——who can she expect? : Medium-—Ah, somebody enters the door and she caresses him fondly. Salesman—Impossible-—Arabella is faithful to me! Medium-—Now -~ she lays his head fondly on her ‘lap and strokes his hair. Salesman—-Nonsense! Medium—Now—she looks tender!y into his’ eyes! : Salesman—(Frantic) - You' lie‘ } Medium—And now he wags lns tall : (Curtam ) 'TWAS TOUGH. - Little Bobble hstened with' deep- “interest: to the story of the Prodi- gal Son. At the end he burct mto A Canadian farmer 'receives two checks when he ships a car of grain. One for the car and another for the “yot you dink dey doing mit him— bractising?’—Everybody’s. THE SAFE SIDE. A SUMMER WIDOWER, ; Mrs. Crabsha.w How did your his-{ band. take care of the house while| " you were away on your vacation? br Mrs, Gadboy: 'The only room clea ed out: was the wine cellar,—Life “So, doctor, you are still single. ‘Ah, I fear that you are somewhat of a woman hater.” ¥ “Nay, madam; it is to avmd “be- umng one that I remain a bache- ‘Jor.”— New York Post