New Britain Herald Newspaper, August 14, 1926, Page 6

New Britain Herald HERALD P SHING COMPANY Tawued Daily (Sundsy Excepted) At Heraid Bldg. 61 Chureh Street —— SUBSCRIPTION $5.00 & Year. $2.00 Three Montha T6c. & Month, RATES Eautered at the Post OMce at New Britatn as Becond Ci Ma TELEPHONE CALLS Business Office [3:3 Editorial Rooms . 926 The only profitable advertising mediun n the City. Circulation books and press room always opem to advertisers. the Associated Press. he Assoct Press fs excluaively en titled o the use for re-publication of all mews eredited to it or not otherwise credited n this paper and also local news published therein. Member of Member Andit Burean of Clrculation. fhe A. B. C. is a pational organization whieh furn! newspapers and & tisers with a strictly homest analys! ciroulation. Our clreulstion statistics are based upon this audit. protection againet fraud o distribution (igures to both national and lacal advertisers. The Herald 13 on eale dally In New York at Hotaling's Newsstand, Times Squere; Schultz’s Newsstands, Entrance Grand Central, 42nd Street. e e R SRR R TAXES IN NEW BRITAIN AND HARTFORD ‘In New Britain, Middletown “and a dozen other places in the state” an honest attempt has been made to apply the ad velorem tax equit- ably athong all taxpayers, according to' Willam H. Blodgett, state tax commissioner. In other words, the doctrine of a “special regard” for some classes | of taxpayers, especially those ‘who lay the golden eggs” — meaning the industries — dges not exist: But In Hartford, the tax com- missioner is free to say, “the sit- “mation will bear looking into.” Not that the Hartford assessors are-delinquent in their duties, but “out-of-date, and wherever em- ployed the resnlts attained by their uuse" areabeut as ridiculous in one ‘plage as in’ anather.” The tax commissioner, in touch- ing upon the taxation of manufac- turing property in Stamford and elsewhere, commended & “thought- tul regard for the general welfare | ‘ot the and stated “there in killing the gose that lays the golden egg." The tax commiissioner’s state- ment touches vital topic that needs clarifying in many por- tions of the state, particularly in cities like Hartford and Stamford, community," is no sense upon a too much r certain classes of where taxpayers seems to be the rule. *It is submitted,” the commis- sioner stated, “that there is but one rule of taxation which any public | official can recognize. It is based on the theory that this is a govern- ment of law and not a government of mien. In Connecticut the asses- | *gors assume the obligation preserib- 8d' by law, which is to set all tax- able preperty in the list at its true ‘and just value, meaning its. fair market value. The problems per se is difficult of solufion but it is made vastly more difficult by the dissemination among th®people of “tax doctrines wholly contrary to the idea that the tax burden should be _equitably ~distributed among all taxpayers regardless of class. No special consideration should be shown to anyone or to any class.” The situation is this: In New Britgin the tax situation has been brought to a basis which meets with the commissioner's ldea of equality. That means no class is beéing treated differently than any other. In Hartford, however, and also in | Stamford, this' condition ap- parently does not obtain. And this leads up to the possibil- from very ties of unfalr competition those cities against New Britain in- dustries. For if ew Britain in- dustries pay their full share of tax- ation and industrieg in Hartford and Stamford and some other Con- | Ia; then it industries ecticut cities do not, patent New Britain's bave more overhead than competi- | tors in those cities. It s the duly of commissioner to go after the state the Hart- ford and Stamford situation with a tle He sior investigation Hartford wealthiest axe suggests a commis- of portion ok The st SMALL Jy LOANS increase in the num- ber of ‘small loan companies throughout the state mentioned by John B. Byrne, state banking eom- | missioner, is entirely to the increase buy- such of installment ing. The increase of a dozen companies withi g 80 in the out the state, Is evidence that peo- ple making year, puttir more than modest eireymstances in worth their while. Basically there is no reason why | the moderate. man should not be able to borrow money When feels he needs it.-He may not have sufficient. security to satisfy ban| | But Batatietic? | unlicensed may make it possible to | newspaper | | every other \lrolley | stick to | railroad tax | attributable | fleld through- | are | he | curity for other institutions, that tween these parties, provided the | methods followed hew close to the line of legality. Such concerns are of benefit to honest people who find | themselves in uncomfortable cir-| cumstances, In this respect - they | serve a public need. | But if there are cases through- | oyt the state in which the mort- | gaging of personal property is done so that the owners can pur- | chase non-productive luxuries, the | are mnot so good. rather an evil than much ! circumstances This would & a benefit. The state law culiar. As Commissioner points out, licensed companies can | charge no more than 42 per cent| interest annually — or 3 1.2 per | cent monthly. But dnlicensed com- | panies, of which he says there are quite a number, can charge no than 12 per cent annually. the very fact that they are | | pe- | Byrne seems to be more evade the limitations of the law, directly or indirectly. one hand and installment buying on the other, lite is made easy for those With a | tairly steady | borrow enough income. to make a first for the remainder on the installs ment plan. The future earning power may be in hock, but that is nothing new any more. OPERATE BUSSES WITH MORE CARE {ator,” as they now are.called — | and undergo careful training be- fore he is given the right to pjlot electric ¢ars over city thorough- | fares. abide by them under all circum- stances. 5 As a result it s rare to learn “i a trolley car being operated reck- being pushed to the last inch of available space between the vehicle ahead; it is rare to see a trolley and sufficient warning to others; it |is rare to see one turning a eorner | too swittly at the. Center; it is rare |to see one smeaking past tne red | sighal just as it is about to shine, or to jerk ahead the moment the intéermediary yellow light flickers, All this comes through train- o | ing. “special regard” | & Now we come to bus drivers. Let the bus managers stringent rules ond regulations and them with iron hand. |1t won't take much the public and autoists generally, | who are ‘“complaining bitterly” about the way some of drivers treat them, will be pleased the an at improvement. ONE FAMOUS NUISANCE LES! We a moment to re- joige of the smoke-belohing on the suburban railroad lines in that city, notably the Illinois Cen- tral, the main offender along the waterfront. Here is a magnificent lake front whicp from the south side to the center of the city has been be- smirched by steam since before the Civil war started can pause with Chicago in its abelition locometives locomotives It required several of agitation road it would bg to its advantage to change to electricity. Finally the change is made 75th anniversary of the upon the railroad. And at that, the Illinois Central the first Chicago railread to have electrified suburban service, The others in the world's greatest center — “32 railroad the eit: ete.—~will 1940, slowly is lines entering follow suit by They move in Chicago, desplite its reputation. It still lacks lines, which transporta- Philadelphia subway features of York, for years. ha prominently passenger have been tlon jn New and The slogan Boston the “I Will” displayed clty still TOO MANY TRA FARE TRAINS two classes of railroad a There are those who don't care whether all the composed of and fare” who do not feel like paying to get from travelers — ent “Pullman and are “extra trains, those than more necessary place to y of our years have about conclusion that day coach any to ride in ading railroads in to Some come wants recent | the to-ride in a and that nobody more, nobody wants but comparatively | train, dis~ anything extra fard even an for short | tances. Right here let {t known dis- | tinctly that neither the New Haven nor the Boston & Malne are among | these oftendexs. One can ride on best of trains ém be Between loap companies on the | the pessibilities of | They can | | paymient on an automobile and pay | A trelley motorman. — er “oper- | must undergo a rigid examination | lessly; It is rare to see a trolley car | car started too soon, or without due | lay down more | trouble and generations | to convince the rail- thorough | |tronted with the extra fare im- | would appear to be a matter be-|position. But when the New York Central —which also operates the Boston & Albany — is considered, gnd the Pennsylvania, the idea seems to be to get as much out of the' public as possible. Of course, it one travels a long distance a Pullman sleeper is al- most a necessity. But every such long distance train also does short- haul business betwéen the main ter- minals, and the people living en route and traveling the shorter dis tances are certainly entitled to’ good rallroad service between the more smaller clties travel in state it important being forced to they do not wish to do se. POLITICS AND JOB HUNTERS Subtract tics and there is very little left to interest able-bodied, go-getting he- men, How much job-hunting is a part in the Jim again fairly well ilustrated evidence taken by Senator Reed's senatorial | committee in Chicage, | stench incident to the where the late Tllinols primaries is being fumigated. It was disclosed that the political situation throughout the entire state is one of factions, all adher- ents having an eye upon the pub- lic erib. In Chicago there are half gro leader from the second ward | testifiea he had mo adherents, that I he was the entire faction himself |and was out to get his, just {all the other factions. One political patriot naively tes- | tified his faction was composed ex- | clusively of a circle of job-hunters gand personal friends. To be explicit, | | he said there were 52 job-seekers The Connecticut company — and |in his orsanization at average sal- | company — |aries of $190 to $200 a month. |wearing gaudy redlizes the Importance of having | Which led Senator Reed to calcu- | parades. B rs who know their rules and | late that the particular ward boss | “hey ave using methods that are | °Per®!° P | | being quizzed controlled ,000 |in annual patronage. 41 And to put a complete and ar- | tistie touch to the picture under view, it was testified that six inthe family of, the ward boss were job- holders, like himself Downstate the situation different. ‘There are factions | every county, and a continual bat- tle is waged with the up-state |Jows for control at Springfield, L, the state capital. All of which leads sundry com- mentators to surmise Tllinois is dif- ferent than most states. It may, In | truth, be' a little different; but the | difterence is one in quantity and | volume only. Job-hunting is the soul of poli- tics everywhere. And job-holding is the ultimate object. Witheut job-hunting job- holding there would be no politics as we know them, is no and the bus | FLORIDA LAND SPECULATION People who speculate | prepared to accept a los as a profit. In gambling proposition, and a per- teetly legal ‘one. The element of chance may not be present in as horse lorida. high as well a sense, it is a coplous a quantity as at a race, but when a man buys F }reul estate - usually at a his money and befs the value of the | property will increase. The same holds good of much other property | bought “for investment purposes.” When, howevef, as in the case of much Florida land, the entire cost of tire property is not paid outright, | but loans and mortgages figure to ;:m undue extent, the situation is | somewhat more complicated; es- | pecially is this the case when the |b‘(l0r or speculator opines the in- | crease in the'value of the land will be rapid enough to help take care of the loan payments. This scheme |closely approaches marginal speculation on the stock ‘mnrkel. It is for this reason, perhaps, ‘thsl numerous speculators in Flor- ida land have found that the syndi- | cates require additional payments, | Protective committees are hurriedly formed, investigators are appointed, usually is that the in order to ‘“protect” must dig down into | and the upshot speculators, their property, | their jeans | money — just like a marginal stock the vagaries goes against and produce more speculator does when of the stoek market | nim. ¢ But the.question is, Whe event. ually pays the speculators if they |#in? The public, of colrse. And so subtle | doesn't know it is is the system that the publie is doing it. The business of grabbing off unearnedjf ingrement 1s one of the most cher- |ished institutions of tie age — for | |those who get the inerement. When isn't there as was antice the the increment |ipated, and is a loss, speculators must be willing to stand the razz. Just now the raspberry ers, but they will have to be very | pictorial to compete, with colored but if he Bas satisfactory sc- | these systems \without heing con-inmn“ without job-hunting from pell- | of politics — the main part—was | investigation | |a dozen powerful factions. One Ne- | like | must be | FactsandFancies BY ROBERT QUILLEN can't miss thirty- Softly, France! You the opportunity to soak thousand former doughboys. We'd rather be present when the first man catches a pie hurled from an airplane. A man isn't really old until he [learns to think with his head in- |stead of his feelings, We are a hard lot, and most of |those who scorn the lazy would go |fishing if they could. | | It isn’t necessary to go to the ant. | Just spread out the picnic lunch and | he'l comé to you. | | Many fine |June, and already {have learned no. |fingers when they s fellows graduated in many of them to crush your ake hands, There i3 now a special costume for lal popular sports, except boat rock- |ing. is The hard part of easy money |the getaway. em of | The names of Pullman cars [4diotle untll you read the name {summer cottages. when they are wife would find |coming temptation merely fearing the |it out | It may not indicate anything, but | fhe leading clamorers for Filipino |independence are married men. 1 It is estimated that the energy pended to kesp white shoes t way would help three million moth- ers with the work. Once overlasting peace is estab- lished, men can still get a kick by uniforms in The only things man can abuse and keep loyal to him are a dog, a woman, and his stomach. in | | If he's out to lunch and will be tel. |back in two hours, he is called an (sometimes executive. | A democratic land is one in which almest everybcdy can get a kick by snubbing somebody. | And so the criminal class is large- ly alien? Well, a lot' of the early Americans were in that class, and they were aliens at first. | America imports more nuts than any other country, and probably develops more kinds at home. Correct this sentence: “Here," said the man's brother-in-law, “is that | money 1 ~romised to pay back to- (Proteced by Publishers dicate) | 25 Years Ago Today \ e | | There waé much excitement out- the special Berlin town meet- | side ; night. Sherman Winchell |ing last and E |a board fence near |and a few minutes later a swarm |of hornets attacked the animals. | tig T Jn attact planks ‘dowh |The men tried vainly several times | | fisure — he in effect planks down | to free their horses, but finally suc- | ceaded in spite of numerous stings on the hands and face B v, ‘Attorney Room ¢ building, street. M. Segal, merehant tailor. made from $15 up. Eugene Porter has | tamily at Short Beach. | Edward Hall and Roy Page left this morning for a frip through northern Vermont. They will spend the next two weeks in that section. A Union street resident writes to the Herald and complains that gar- bage on that street has been left to accumulate for three weeks, and that when the attention of the col- lector is called to it he merely whips up his horse and speeds away. Dr. Malonéy's horse ran away | yesterday and though he made a rapid trip from Hartford avenue to | Elm street and from there to Stan- ley quarter the only damage done was the breaking of a part of the harness The second trotting matinee of the Newton's track | at law, | $ Main | | * | Suits joined his | season was held at lin Plainville yesterday. Nearly 300 people enjoyed the spirt. The judges were Frank Newton, George Newton, |ana George Scarritt of New Britain; |starter, John Walker. Charles Pet- tingill's Single won : William Eaton’s Highland Duke and William Wilkes. William Bak- er's Solata was victorious over Bur- ton Bacon's Lillie Wood, George Morrow’s Shabelit, and Jessie Lami- [bert's Cartlidge Observation On The Weather Washington, Aug. 14.—Forecast tor Southern New gland and Fastern New York: Local thunder- storms Saturday and probably Sun- day; not much change in tempera- ture, Conditions: The disturbanee. that was near Hudsq Bay Thumsdiyn m was near Hudson Bay Thursday night {s over \Eastern Quebec: The outlook is for local sHowers and thunderstorms Saturday and Sunday in most of thé states ‘east of the Mississippl river. Temperatyre changes will be unimportant. A~ . ST 0 A lot of men think they are over- | lodge | 1. Clark tidd their horses to | the town hall, | _Send all communications to Fun | | Shop Editor, care Of the New | Britain Herald, and your letter will be forwarded to New York. Progress, Progress, Folks! Moths got in hathing suits of yore, But they don't do it any more, The modern suit's too scant of cloth To even tempt a hungry moth! Sure Thing!’ Cowles: “I feel ambitious! I should like to do something- that would bring out what there is in me." Barnes: “Why don't you take an otean voyage?” FUGITIVES FROM JUSTICE .. Hot Diggity Dog! Good-bye Drug-store Cowboy! Lounge Lizard, disappear! And Jelly Beans — just sa¥ fare- well! The SOFA SQUIRREL'S here! . P. Pitzer, . Summer Romance Ah, how I olng tocrush you to my . heart! | Ab, how I long te crush you to my lips |Or nose —sor ears — or any other part! | That ardent wish | eclipse. . all others doth |Through all my dreams I hear yeur | low-voiced song, I hear you near! With yearning wild and strong 1 reach for you = but alway | are gone, You darned mosquito! ~Lee Ehippey. Booze Will Do the Same! Love is a funny thing; |1t must be a-disease—r It made me wanna sing, |And then it made me snee: —Natalie N. you orton. Yravers: “They say now that it was not wine that that actress bath- ed in” icholls (a parlor (‘fimPskm): |“Maybe it was nude’ll soup.” —G. H. Behr. THE SHERIFF GETS ALL MAD! (Notice Found by Anna J. Pizzutti) WANTED! J. H. Brown wanted for dastardly crime! Wire inform- |ation to Sheriff W. B. Smythe if this | man is located! Name: J. H. Brown, |alias John Brown, alias Jack Brown, | calls himself Mister Brown! Age 36 when crime was committed, weight 158, height 5 feet, 8§ inches! Fingerprint classififytion 45—W—6B—9, Bertillon record: 3¥ | —W—JW—:. Scar on little finger. | Florid complexion. Eyes light brown, sometimes wears glasses. Wears mumber 9 shoe. Dental Work as fol- lows: gold filling, upper left cuspid; lower right molar, occlusal surface; upper left first molar. WATCH FOR THIS MAN! Toe- nail on middle toe of left foot miss- ing! Tonsils have been removed! | Nose sligitly pug! | HAVE YOU SEEN THIS CRIMI- NAL? He may attempt to coneeal | his identity by growing a heard! This |man is desperate. He STOLE my umbrefla on the night of July 6, {1924, in COLD BLOOD! ARREST HIM ON SIGHT! | (Signed) ~ W. B, Smythe, | Sheriff, | T ALL , TRAINS | | Three Fat Men: “Stop Shevin'!” Anl They're Going Fast Potts: “What's become of that fel- low who was lling Florida real estate around here last winter?" Adams: “He's laying out subdi- visions for the summer trade in that new ice pack near the North Pole.” ~—0. D. Moore. Many a flapper's 'idea of the |“three r's” is rolling her socks, roll- |ing her cigarettes, and rolling her | eyest |IN KLASS AT KRAZY KOLLEGE (Conducted by Judy) Teacher: “Now, Miss Minute, stop crying to see how sweet you can look, put your candy away, and teil us all about ‘sugar.’” Helena Minute: | 4she was as cranky, as could be, She was as sour as lemon juice. ‘I've lost all patience, Ma'am!' sald he, And sugar till her teeth came loose! —Ted Robinson, KRAZY KINDERGARTEN (Conducted by Judy, Jr.) Teeteher: “Why Hedda, you have a big bump on your forhed!” Hedda Toothgke: 'O, thank you, I allways forget ware I park that gum.” - Teetcher: “The ; plezzure yours, and the werd js ‘shanty. Hedda Toothake: “My Aunt Sue flopped down for a nap, # And nersc sed: ‘Now deers, not a peep! ° But seon we started And nerse higsed, is all game of tag ‘Sh! Shanty's So personal {t see.ns for' me alone. | —THE 0B The city of New Britain will shortly be in a position where it will be necessary to spend cosniderable money in changing over its storm water sewer syStem in order that even an ordinary rainfall will have an opportunity to pour in and through the drains instead of into the gutters, cellars and, in some places, the street level floors of buildings. There are sevexal points about the city that suffer extremely in rainy weather, notably on Broad street and that vielnity. The mer- chants in that scctiop were treated to a flood during and after the storm of last Thursday evening that actually flooded the floors of the stores themselves. We did not visit any of the cellars, but can readily imagine that they werg full to the ceilings of storm water. There was evidently no possibility of the sewers taking care of the flood waters after the first few minutes of rain, as rivers were s running = through the strects with no sign of sinking below the street level. Several cars along the curg were buried deeper than the running boards in the yellow flood and mud,sbrought from some- {where north and west of “Broad street, was carried down to the | corner of Main and Commercial by | the waters, The paving there was | discolored and covered with silt. Conditions along Church street |are only too familiar to merchants | ana industrialists. Practically every | storm does damage in the cellars | bounding this thoroughfare. Storm | water backs up through drains into the cellars and floods them. The inference is that the- sewers are not large enough to take care of the accumulation of water, that there i& a check somewhere and that the | !waten instead of tlowing off, backs | up. | It would net be surprising if suit | | was brought against the city by | semeone whose property was dam- | aged by water and if the case were proven. Even though this is not done there is coming a time, and | we think that it has arrived, when | | something will have to be one to in- | sure proper drainage. “Motor accidents will be al- most a thing of the past when each individual who uses the highway is not content simply to obey the law in letter and spirit but habitually regards the rights of others more than + his own convenience," So spoke Professor Richard Shel- ton Kirby in a pamphlet issued by the state Motor Vehirle department |recently. His words, in our opinion, epitemize the rules and even laws of conduct for motorists. Should that simple principle be followed there would be lesser accidents of all kinds, unquestionably. The pamphlet is a carefully pre- pared dogument, going into an analysis of motor accidents from several angles. It contains charts and various kinds of pictorial repre- sentations of the percentage of ac- cidents from different causes. But it is waste effort, we belleve. Sta- tistics are always interesting to a few, they mean nothing to many. And some, not all, who cannot ap- preciate them are just the individ- uals who are to blame for motor accidents and whom the department is trying to reach, A person with in- telligence enough 1o analyse the charts and draw a lesson therefrom has intelligence enough, in the frst place, to keep out of trouble when he is behind the wheel of his car. He feels the responsibility of the job he is undertaking in piloting a | potential death chariot of twenty or mere horse power through the streets. He usually is of sufficient standing in the community to rea- lize that other people, drivers or pedestrians, have their rights which | should be recognized. He is not the person who figures ih automobile accidents brought about through his awn_fault. It is the braggart and the iri sponsible to whose doors may be | 1aid the greater number of accidents. Who does mot know the fellow, possessing anything in the automo- tive line from a tin lizzle with one mudguard to a highpowered crea- tion of the automobile makers' art with everything on it including the license, who comes blaring down the ‘road. driving around other cars, pro- | eressing at a speed that would make |it impossible to stop if a, sudden emergency arose, drlving with an utter disregard of all on the road? We see him everywhers, in the city and on the state highways. He is the fellow to be feared. Possibly the fellow is also to be pitied. Pos- sibly his “inferlority complex” fs | working, overtime and he must get reliet by impressing upon ofhers that he s the king of the highway and |must be respected as such. Unfor- |tunately, when the emergency which he cannot meet arises he is net theq only one who. suffers. All of us wish that he might be. He could ga out and kill himself and wel- come,—the sooner the better. But he usually takes a sober, responsible citizen along with him when he goes to the morgue or the hospital. Small good it would do to stick the fellows nose into & series of charts delineating autemobile acci- dents, their causes and effects Ho would not be able to comprehend what it was all about it we did. It would be far better to shoot him on sight as he careens on his career and before he runs into someone else, thereby seriously altering the - asleep!" " ~Louise Huffmare. Like a Man o Mrs. Wileox; “What did you tell little Gerald.when you left the house this morning?" Wilcox: “T teld him to go out and mow the lawn like a man. Did he obey? i Mrs, Wilcox: “I'll say he did, He talked to everyhody that came along, flirted with a couple of girls and fin. ally gave a kid a dime to mow it for him P =—Mrs. G. 8 Salmon. (Copyright, 1926, Reproduction © 7 Ferbldden) SERVER— On the City and Its People Makes Random Observations latter person’s history if ‘not con- cluding it. If we had a series of sharp-shooters posted along the highways plcking off the braggarts as they come ajong it would be best, but of course that would be impogsi- ble. If theregwere some way of incul- cating the doctrine of driving with due regard for the rights of others our problem would be solved. This lesson would prove almost as diffi- cult to teach ‘ms the ene drawn from charts, not quite. The oly possible solution of the difficulty that is ap- parent to s to establish a clause in our motor laws salling for the revok- ing. of the license of any driver who does not have the proper regard for others' rights. ®Unquestionfibly it would be a difficult proposition to decide whether a driver was the vietim of some fatuous state czar on a motoreycle sporting & badge of the state police department and = the temperment of a Prussian second lieutenant, or whether he was actu- ally guilty of carlessness and a vietim of his own inferiority complex. | But something has to be done, the ggart must be taught and the to teach him is to make it hot him_ before he gets himself and someone else in trouble. He is the fellow who cannot lead, he must be pushed—and: not gently either. There has been an occurrence PR In local political circles . e This week Which reminds us . Of the story oy About the Trishman . . Who was asked . What he would de v . If he had his feot . . Hopelessly caught In a railfoad track ) And he saw a train . e Just about te hit him . s . It is related He answered Ty That he would try .. To Butt .« .. The engine off the track. “ v 0w . Sammy Sablotsky, . Democrat and couneilman v e From the Sixth Ward, . s . Is going to try . To make the Counecil . e Mostly Republican, ‘. And a close corporation, (i s Indeed, Stop railroading laws . e Through that o 0 August body . So that the public . , e Will get a run . For its money. . But Sammy might as well s e Emulate the Irishman o s And try and butt . A train off the track .. As get fair play € N Out of the Couneil. v e . 8 Nevertheless We admire Sammy . For what he . Is trying to do, . LY Don't you? . We thank yeu! . (Our apologles to K.'C. B.) Y In order to relieve the country from the flood of beauty contests that are fast transforming the na- tion's papers into a veritable “Po- lice Gazette,” we offer for public approval the plant for a new type of contest herewith submitted. This would be the choosing of the posi- tion that offers the greatest possi- bilities for saying a lot in a loud voice and in such a manner that none of it ig ever understood. For no reason at all we submit for the committee judging the affair: Hen. ry L. Mencken, Calvin C. Coolldge (an angler of note and president of the United States), Bishop Murray and Jack Dempsey (an ex-pugilist). First to be considered muyst be our old friend the vegetable man. He may be heard throughout the summer telling New Britaln that, “Glumph waw waw beorah nah pleeceencees pop tuamama!” which to the uninitiated might mean noth- ing at all, but to the housewife who has long heard the vegetable man’s ery means that the vegetable man is outside and that the baby is due to wake up any minute and start crying. The vegetable man is an elusiye individual, never showing himsélf when one is in need of a Head of lettuce or a few tomatoes, but always roynding the corner just. as gentral announces that long distance is ready to talk, or when father has just barely tuned in on Sloux City and is waiting for the call letters. He is a strong contender and will probably be a big factor in the race. Next comes that fast disappears ing werthy, the train anneuncer, His regime may be on the wan leaused by the installation of elogr tric sign board, but wherever he still stands, he makes up in volume what he lacks in future, Yeu all know him, the round, red faced gentleman that, resplendent in s: ver buttons, makes the concourse ring with: “Trasasain faw Hamphith - Lubushm - Gawmph & East Whazziz - Nebraah and way stashuns! Traaaaaack numbuh Whah!” It has long been a game | with habitual tratn takers to make a purse, each contestant getting one guess as to what is being announc-* ed, the nearest guess winning the pool. There is a story circulating that an announcer once gave out the request that *Mrs. J. Ham- mond Robinson report to the pull- man office for the cowhide bag that she left there.” Waen the words had echogd through the restaurant and baggage room, the conceurse emptiel and thirty-three peopls boarded the train te Fast Waverly, | Oltto. This is nat authentic but the | popularify of the tale proves that ;the station announcer has a good | chance in the contest. The vaudeville singer is also | worthy of consideration. The non- chalant way in which he smothers the words of the song he happens to e singing is surely not to be overlooked. To the ‘tune of almost | anything handy, he bends confiden- tlally over the footlights and sings |in a clandestine voice that “She's a | humph bleh whoo bleh shupshat- |awney jomma in a swishup lala- |rowney mraaaay!” accompanying the jem with a slr, wicked smile | that makes the old boys in the | tirst three rows miserably confident that they are missing somathing mighty hot. And the umpire! Aside from his authoritative waves, the words he mouths are probably the least un- derstandable of all. With the eyes | of thousands fastened upon him to thear the verdict of the gentlemen | who have been chosen to pitch that | day's game, he points a megaphone |to the heavens and blats animal- |like sounds that have never yet | been deciphered. His inflections of tone reach the farthest corner of the park, the last person on the fartherest bleacher is as nearly competent to untangle the mystery of his words as the person in the box nearest the orator. Neither of them gver have solved them and neithér probably ever will solve them and that fact places the um- pire up near the head of the list for eligibles in this confest. These are only a few of the posi- tions that offer this attraction, The contest should bring out -many more and when all of them are in and duly considered the committea might shut all the contestants in a |large and windowless room and by means of tiny, hidden jets, pour lethal gas into the chamber until all signs of life inside have ceased. Such a sweet thought for a hot afternoon! SENATOR MLEAN T0 MAKE SPEECH Will Preside at Republican Convention —— Hartford, Aug. 14—Chairman ¥, Henry Roraback of the republican state central ‘committee yesterday announced that United States Sena~ tor George P. McLean of Simsbury had accepteq an invitation to serve as temporary chairman of the re- publican state convention, which | will be held in Foot Guard hall here September 13. As temporary chair- | man, Senator McLean will deliver the “keynote"” address of the con- vention on the opening night. The usual procedure has been for the committee on organization to rec- ommend that the temporary organ- |ization be made permanent. TFormer Judge Alexander W. Creeden, of this eity, will be tem- porary secretary of the convention and, with Mr. Roraback, will ap- point those to act as temporary as- sistant secretaries. This organization, it the usual procedure is followed, will be made permanent for the con- vention on report of the committee on organization Senator McLean will be the firat man in several years to sound the “keynote” at two successive conven- tions. He delivered the opefing ad- dress and presided at the special convention in November, 1924, at which Senato Hiram Bingham was nominated as the candidate for the place left vacant by the death of Senator Brandegee, the preceding republican state convention. There, are so far ne signs of any contests for places on the atate ticket, except that between the pres- ent lleutenant governor J. Edwin Brainard and ex-Senator John M. Wadhams. Indications yesterday were that the five copgressmen who represent Connecticut will be un- opposed in the congressional distriet convention. The “Putnam Patrigh” which has been attacking the reedrd of Cengressman Richard P. Free- man of New London, representative of the second district, in its issue of yesterday, while continuing its at- tack on Congressman Freeman's ree- ord, says “with the state eonventions only a month away. it is very un- likely that any opponents will arise to dispute Mr. Freeman's elaim for the seat which he has filled so lons and so ineffeetually. The election of members of the new state eentral committee will be held on the sécond day of the state convention, according to the party rules. There have been ne reports of any contests whie¢h will invelve the present members of the state central committee, but at least one new member will be placed en the com- mittee, due to the vacancy in the representation of the Sixth Distriet, caused by the Heath of 'ex-Senator George W, Klett, which has not been filled, KILLED IN ELEVATOR SHAFT Doston, Aug., 14 (A—Thomas H. Ellis, member of a eommercial pa- per firm with offices en Congress street, was killed yesterday when he plunged through the epen door of an elevator in the office byild- ing and was crushed. The elevator operator sald that when the car was ascending, Ellis reached for the le- ver and opened the doer, -~ i |