Lakeland Evening Telegram Newspaper, October 7, 1914, Page 7

'Mirror Hotel b M. M. COWLES, Prop. New Management. nis hed and thoroughly jted, and everything , Comfortable and First-class. il g Service Unexcelled. es Reasonable. tronage Cordially Invited. Cement Urns to y your yard? ' cement man to put Walk? )cks of th ARE RIGHT, SO THE GOODS h6in Talk to Practically W People in the Town 0 6H THIS PAPER % YARNELL ND HEAVY HAULING EHOLD MOVING A ¢ SPECIALTY YD MULES ¥OR HIRE e 109; Res,, 57 Green YOU WANT YOUR SH Bl PP RPEPPP R PRRPP IR RRRE PG ¥HE EVENING TELEGRAM Lak ELAND, FLA., OCT. 7, 1914. | DON'T LET THAT COUGH “HANG ON” Stop it now before it gets a hold. Use GE-RAR-DY LUNG BALSAM It’s a speedy remedy for all colds, bronchitis, etc. Price only 25 cts. If your druggist does not keep it write to us for sample. The Phil P. Cresdp Co.,Ltd., New Orleans Ly For Sale in Lakeiand by | HENLEY & HEMLEY Fresh Norfolk Opysters, quart Thir B e S A A R T Peanut Brittle - 20c. 1h. Chocolate Fudge 25c¢. Ib. 60c Diat & West Side Murn Park Phone 226. Prompt Del. H @ H HARNESS HEADQUARTERS The place to get harness is at harness headquarters. We have ev- .erything needed to ride or drive a {horse and of good quality at rcason- iable prices. From the heaviest team harness to the lightest buggy har- ness this i{s headquarters. Special | attention to repair work of all kinds. MCGUASHAN e s bR *F E34 IRTS AND COLLARS UNDERED The VERY BEST ad Them ¢ To the aundry Lake Sdd @S PhPlad iPhone 348 Black We are better equ}i]pped than ever for giving you high grade Laundry Work. ~W&mw land Steam £ bt i 1 B i 3 S & £ 3 DB Fingd PHONE 130 | I0rg B BB B EPIBOHB OB BB BB S B Res. Phone 153 Blue Beutify your Lawn, Let us tell you how, Little it will cost. fland Paving and Construction Company e "j« 16 Main St. "l ower Pricesfon Ford C LAKELAND, FLA. ars ¢ Effective August Ist, 1914 to Augustist, | 1915 and guaranteed against any reduction * during that time. f o. b. Detroit. All cars fully equipped Touring Car .... Town Car... Buyers to Share in Profits All retail buyers of new Ford cars from August 1Ist, 1914 to August 1st, 1915 will share in the profits of the company to the * extent of $40 to $60 per car, on each car they buy, FROVIDED: we sell and de- liver 300,000 new Ford cars during that pe- riod. Ask us for particulars FORD MOTOR COMPANY Lakeland Auto POLK COUN ) — and Supply Co. TY AGENTS. | SROBORSRORSIIMIORIROIO053088 DREW WRONG NUMBER By MAURICE SMILEY. If it had not rained and washed the labels off the professor's bottles the catastrophe might not have happened. And if the professor had been lucky enough to get the right labels back on the right bottles all might have been well. But that would have been another story. When the professor opened up his stock of panaceas in his wagonette in front of the post office, the dry goods boxes were emptied in a twinkling and the combined population of the Corners gathered around the wagon and listened with the conviction of original sin as he expatiated upon the marvelous properties of the goods he was ‘“introducing as an advertise- ment.” “Surely, brethren,” said the Cor- ners pgo?q one to the other, “provi- " dence hath heard 6uf cries and given ‘ear unto our supplication. Of a verity, what be the fly-blown bottles and the rattling pill boxds that Si Muggs keeps in his general store beside the virtue of these marvelous preparations, prepared by philan- thropic preparers with the preparing sympathy of preparers who under- stand the ailments of the people of Simson's Corners and sent the pro- fessor to them in their hour of need?” ‘Why, didn't he have testimonials which he read to the ladies and gen- tlemen proving that a man in Bangor, Me., who weighed 490 pounds had taken three bottles of Anti-Obeso and at the end of a month had fallen oft to 175? Hadn't a man who had no hair on his head at all taken a bot- I tle and a half of the Hairine and had | to have his hair cut twice a month? !Wby multiply instances? “We are not a fly-by-night concern, ladies and gentlemen,” said the pro- fessor with righteous indignation. “I shall be in your little city in exactly one month from this day. If you are not satisfied and do not beg me to accept unsolicited testimonials to the efficacy of these preparations, you shall have your money back with far greater cheerfulness, ladies and gen- tlemen, than I take it from you on this occasion.” Squire Thornton, who had long groaned under the weight of his 263 pounds, laid in a supply of the Anti- Obeso and took a dose right there. “Skinny" Madden, who had to stand twice to cast a shadow, bought three bottles of the Anti-Lean. Miss Sim- son, who had been afflicted with an unsightly growth of hair on her cheek bought a box or two of the Superflo Salve, warranted to remove hair growths with four applications. Old Daddy Smith, who hadn’t seen a hair for ten years on a section of his cranium as big as a pancake, went broke buying Hairine, warranted to grow hair on anything short of a Hubbard squash. Bill Johnson, who was troubled with weak knees, got some pills which the professor declared were great muscle builders and would stiff- en up a clothesline until you could use pieces of it for drills. Jimmy Burrill, the blacksmith, whose joints were stiff with the rheu- matism, laid in a lot of salve that the professor assured him was an 1n- fallible joint-cathartic, relieving the most obstinate case of stiff hinges. The professor had a remedy for every disease, ailment, affliction or annoyance that the inmates of an asylum for hypochondriacs could imagine, and it was dead easy to sat- isfy Simson's Corners. He had come “into their midst” as a welcome guest. He left it as a benefactor and he smiled benevolently as he drove away next morning, assuring the pop- ulation, which had gathered to see him leave, that he would call again in a month and see how they were get- ting along. “I hope I got the right labels back on,” he mused to himself as he flicked a fly off the nigh horse’s right ear. But long before the month was up the people of Simson’s Corners found out that something was wrong. It was not that the medicines of the professor were without effect. Per contra, decidedly. He hadn't sold them rainwater and belladonna for the rheumatism on soft soap for stiff joints. The salve wasn't cinnamon bark and glycerine, neither was the Halrine made of cucumber oil and podophyllin. The medicines were powerful enough, all right, all right. That wasn't the trouble. The trouble was that the wires had got crossed in some way, and everybody seemed to have drawn the wrong number in the hygienic lottery. Stiff joints got stifer and weak knees got weaker. Fat men got fatter and thin women got thinner. It was like going down hill and they couldn't stop the effects of the stuff. They emptied the bottles and boxes, but it kept on af- fecting them just the same. They had got the medical principle into their systems; and the professor would not be back that way for two weeks yet. What was to be done? Then a ray of light shone through the darkness. Somebody saw an item in a newspaper to the effect that the professor would be at a certain town 40 miles away on the 13th, Bill Divine, who was about the only well man in the place, volunteered to jump on a train and lay the case be- fore the professor. ] The professor had an inklivg o what was coming when Biil told him he had come from Simson's Coriers, but he bluffed it out. \ “And how are the good peonle at the Corners?” he asked. “I sold ou:* my entire stock at that place. I hope the medicines had a powerful and last- ing effect.” “Yes, they had a powerful effect all right,” said Bill. “If the people just last long enough.” “Why, is the medicine doing more than I promised it would?” asked the professor. “I like to see my guaran- tees fulfilled.” “Well, the whole blamed town will turn into a circus if you don’t head it oft.” saild Bill mournfully. “If the people would just swap medicines, it might do some good, but it is too late for that. Everybody's got stuff that is having the opposite effect from that desired. You know old Squire Thornton, who was so fat that he had to guess where his feet were? Well, he's as thin as a razorback—nit. Why, professor, he weighs a ton if he weighs an ounce. Fat? Why that fellow would get shot for a hippo- potamus if he went in swimming. He must have got some of your Anti- Lean for he is so fat that he can't lean up against anything. He can't get near enough to it.” . The professor prodif®ed a bottle of whose contents he was sure. “You give him this,” he said, “and if that doesn't do him any good, you tell him to take a dose of Rough on Rats. That will stop his growing all right.” i “Well, you'd better do somehting for ‘Skinny’ while you're about it,” sald Bill. “You know he was so thin { already that he was afraid to eat | dried apples for fear they would ex- pand and explode him. He thought he was going to get fat, but he is so thin now that he is afraid to go to a picnic or have any kind of a swell time. He never was entirely opaque, but now he is positively translucent.” “This will ix him all right,” said the profesor, handing over a bome" whose label had never been washed off. “Tell him that is what crapshoot- | ers use to put flesh on their bones.” “Miss Simson—you remember her,” sald Bill: “the little woman with a squint eve and a bunch of hair on her cheek? Well, she got something that made whiskers grow all over her face, and she is mad as a wet hen about it. She shaves two or three times a week, but that only makes it worse. She thought she was getting something to remove superfluous hairs. She ought to have traded with Daddy Smith. He hadn’t any hair to spare and now you can't find a pin- feather on his head with a search warrant. Then there was Jimmy Burrill, who already had such stiff knees that he couldn’t bend over to pick up a horse shoe. He's so stiff now that he is thinking of accepting an engagement as an ossified man. Bill Haight, who wanted something for his stomach got some of your light- ning hair grower, and now he has a coat of fur all over his stomach.” The professor began to realize that he hadn’t got the right labels back on his bottles and boxes. Then he let Bill into his ¢onfidence. The mistakes were rectified so far as possible. But the professor didn’t make his promised monthly call at Simson's Corners. He thought he would wait till next month. And he got a water- proof covering for his wagonette. (Copyright, by Daily Story Pub. Co.) DISCOVERIES OF THE PAST First Language, Then Fire, Then the Bow and Arrow, Says Eng- lish Scientist, Prof. R. D. Carmichael, a noted Eng- lish scientist, discoursing on the ten- dencies of modern discovery, refers to the probable order of the epoch-mak- ing discoveries of the past, starting with language. The next important step, he thinks, was the discovery of fire, which not only rendered cookery possible but also enabled man to travel away from the tropics to which he must have been originally confined, and the third he considers to have been the bow and arrow, insuring a supply of flesh-food, which became in- creasingly important as man spread into cooler climes. Afterwards came pottery, the more or less complete domestication of cat- tle and sheep, the dog and the horse, the gradual introduction of husbandry and tillage, the consequent fixing of abode, and the ideas of community and nationality. The next great advance seems to have been the smelting of fron, and the next the use of writing, after which there appears to have been a pericd of quiescence. Then came the medieval discoveries a short time only covering such great inventions as gun- powder, the mariner’s compass, paper and the printing press. | Naturally, after this period of rapid advance came the inevitable reaction, and nothing of equal importance fol- | lowed until the nineteenth century brought the steam engine and ushered in the epoch of modern invention, which is too crowded to discuss in de- tail. There is a great contrast between the tendency of modern invention and primitive discoveries, nearly all of which must have been made by acci- dent. Professor Carmichael consid- ers the progress of the last 50 years | greater than that of the previous 5,000 years, and expects that of the next 50 | years to be greater still, inasmuch as ! we have not for a long time past been | dependent upon accidental discoveries, but upon the labors of an increasing body of trained investigators, very lit- | tle of whose work is likely to be lost | in the past, and whose equipment is so rapidly Increasing in e®siency. ! & 21 T Sl - R A a2 Lo LEADING business man of New York, to whom a friend of ours sent 2 Buckeye N referred to 1t in h letter of acknowledge- &= clitrus fruit ment as book.” This we are garded s exactly what we sought to make the catalog and ed to have 1t 80 se- readers. of the cata- of the the Buckeye Nurseries catalog. From the se- lection of location fora grove to the marketing ., everything is fully are no theorles treated. set 'll‘l'::l‘-— ln.ll b:‘n‘:d a;i;lcn the ence in frult growing. A Guide to Citrus Fruit Culture The Buckeye Nurseries Catalog Buckeye Nurseries grow superior trees—this has been their successful accomplishment for more thirty years. Our interest in the trees does not end with the sale to the and T g ove owner, however. trees are given every possible assistance to this end. TheBook Typifies Buckeye Service Buckelv as wel We want them to thrive ear profitable crops—and purchasers of Buckeye e Service to planters of Buckeye trees has become almost known as the quality of the trees themselves. Our com- Flete and helpful catalog_has been for years a most important actor of this service. he new edition is by far the most attractive and comprehensive catalog we have published. Send today for free copy if you grow citrus fruits, Buckeye Nurseries 1038 Citizens Bank Building Tampa, Fla. BuckeyeTrees Bear May 3 es Grocery £ mpan !,.’ [ - WHOLESALE GROCERS ST GHEHEHENIH “A Rusiness Without Books” E find that low prices ard long time will not go bhaund in hand, and on May 1st we installed our " NEW SYSTEM OF LOW PRICES FOR STRICTLY CASH. \ We have sa‘\'ed the people of Lakeland and Polk County thousands of dollars in the past, and our new system will still reducz the cost of living, and also reduce our ex penses, and enable us to put the knife in still deeper. We carry a full line of Groceries, Feed, Grain, Hay, Crate Material, and Wilson & Toomer's IDEAL EERTILIZERS always on hand. B G GRB PR PREOD - 'F YOU ARE THINKING Of BUILDING, SEE MARSHALL & SANDERS The Old Rellable Contractors Whr kave heen Kuilding houses in Lakeland for years, and WL vy D& ne i W anses of buildings contracted for, sesitrocs built by uhis fiem are evidgnces of their ability to - 't "FELL DOWN" or failed to give satisfaction. The many fine MARSIALL & SANDERS Phone 228 Blue b Main Street, LAKELAND, FLA. %% P RS TR NS S R R R TR T ST X ML LRI T T T P ORPPePe.y L PR dd 278 ot ace SEFEHEEHI SEPPFPPPEOQPSIPEY PRI Py pdBE é % : BB PO EDBEDDD BHDEFEEGLLOBIC PGB EEBPPDID B R A 2 Sl R R A A T SO f=X2 Pt & Schraffi’s Bulk | Chocolates On Ice Fresh and Fine 40c per Ib. , P4 W. P. Pillans & Co. Pure Food ‘ Store Corner Main St. and Florida Ave. Phone 93-94 Mayes Grocery Company 211 West;