Grand Rapids Herald-Review Newspaper, July 1, 1908, Page 8

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Pink- ham’s Vegetable Compound is so successful is because it contains in- gredients which act directly upon the feminine organism, restoring it to a healthy normal condition. Women who are suffering from those distressing ills peculiar fo their sex should not lose sight of these facts or doubt the ability of Lydia E. Pinkham’s Vegetable Compound to restore their health. Compromise. Customer (in book store)—Let me have a copy of Antony and Cleo- patra. 2 Clerk—Yes, sir. One dollar, please. Customer—Dear me, I’ve only got 50 cents. Just give me Antony. In a Pinch, Use ALLEN’S FOOT-EASE, A powder. It cures painful, smart- ing, nervous feet and ingrowing nails. It’s the greatest comfort discovery of the age. Makes new shoes easy. A certain cure for sweating feet. Sold all Druggists, 25¢e. Accept no sub- Trial package, FREE. Ad- A. S. Olmsted, Le Roy, N. LY. dress A Business Man's Troubles. ‘We saved ten minutes’ time going from New York to Chicago.” “Bully “And then lost it, b’gosh, in a street car jam.” Important to Mothers. Examine carefully every bottle of CASTORIA a safe and sure remedy for infants and children, and see that it Bears the ZN td Signature of LAY LRP In Use For Over 30 Years. The Kind You Have Always Bought Sidé Lights on History. ~ Young Miss Liberty, disgusted, climbed out of her cradle. “It isn’t a cradle at all!” she ex- claimed. “It’s nothing but a crib!” For Peter Faneuil, who was a bet- ter merchant than cabinet maker, had neglected to put rockers under it. FITS, St. Vitus Dance and all Nervous Diseases permanently cured by Dr, Kline’s Great Nerve Restorer. Send for Free $2.00 trial bottle and treatise. Dr. R. H. Kline, Ld., 931 Arch St., Philadelphia, Pa. Practical. “I never ask a young man if he has loved before,” declared the’ Boston damsel. “That's puerile.” “Should say so,” agreed the Chicago beauty. “In our town we ask a chap how many times he has, been. mar- ried.” WE PAY TOP PRICES FOR CREAM. Cash every day. Write for prices and tags. MILLER & HOLMES, St. Paul, Minn. Before taking a header be sure you are right. Positively cured by these Little Pills, They also relieve Die tress from Dyspepsia, Im digestion and Too Hearty SMALL PILL, SMALL DOSE, SMALL PRICE. Genuine Must Bear Fac-Simile Signature SICK HEADAGHE |What Happened to Fred on the Glorious Fourth By Willlam Wallace, Jr. ‘There was to be a great celebration on the glorious Fourth in the beauti- fui grove of elms and oaks that grew in a most propitious spot near a cool, sparkling stream one mile from Bee- ville, And all Beeville was up and doing at the first peep o’ day; even the very young and small Beevillers found themselves wide awake at the first sound of the roaring anvil which was fired at the town smithy as early as 5 o’c’ock. One of the happiest little Beevillers, who had lived a week prior to the Fourth on happy anticipation, was Fred Harper, aged ten. On the morn- ing in question Fred’s mother came into his room and said: “To-day is the glorious Fourth, Freddie.” On other mornings Fred’s mother had to call him many times before she could prevail upon him to open his eyes, but on this morning the few words she spoke worked like magic in waking him instantly. With eyes wide open and a heart full of eagerness Fred leaped from bed and bathed and combed and dressed himself in his Sunday best in much less time than it usually took him to get his eyes really open. You see, Fred was a true patriot, to whom the occasion meant a great deal. After breakfast Fred was restless to start for the celebration grounds, and could hardly wait till his mother had their luncheon baskets packed and his father was at the gate with a two-seated spring wagon to carry them to the grove. But after arriving at the picnic grounds the time passed very rapidly indeed, for there was music by the band and singing by the town’s best vocal talent. And, besides these features of entertainment, there was a drum corps parade, in which Fred proudly marched at the head carrying the flag. Then came the reading of the Deo laration of Independence by a deep- voiced young lawyer who was duly im- pressed by the honor conferred upon him by the celebration committee. Al- though the great words and sentences that fell from the young reader's tongue found place in the ears and minds’ of the Beeville fathers and mothers, the young listeners grew a bit restless and found it hard to keep their seats beside the enthused parents. More than once Fred’s mother was obliged to shake him to keep him awake, and once, losing all patience with him, she whispered in‘his ear: “Now, son, you sit up and keep your | eyes. on the young man who is read- ing,-and listen to everything he says; and mind, if you don’t keep awake I'll not let you have the skyrockets I have in mind to buy for you this evening.” Fred at once sat up, batted his blue eyes and pinched his legs to keep him- self awake. Then he riveted his eyes on the reader of the Declaration of In- dependence, his poor ears catching an occasional and, to him, meaningless word. But as he sat there the young law- j yer’s face began to change and his voice to sound dim and far away. Then sound ceased altogether, and the reader gradually took on the form of a huge skyrocket, his florid face look- ing for all the world like the gayly red-painted “business end” of the rocket. This amused Fred so much that he snickered, whereupon his mother took hold of him and pushed him away from the bench where he had been sit- ting beside her, whispering crossly to him to run oa away into the woods and amuse himself, since he was too stupid and-too sleepy-headed to listen to the reading of that “grandest thing ever written—the Declaration of Inde- pendenee.”” So Fred, shaking out his sleepy feet and stretching his arms that ached to be doing something, walked willingly away toward the dense timber that bordered the brook. He had not gone far when he heard a rustling noise in the grass behind him, and, turning round, he saw the young lawyer, who was still in the form of a giant sky- rocket, coming at full tilt after him. Fred stopped and waited till the strange being came up, also kept si- lent, giving his new companion oppor- tunity to speak first. “Well, Freddie,” said the human skyrocket, in a strange metallic voice, “I don’t blame you for getting tired of all that lingo I was reading, for it made me tired, too. So I thought I’d just change shape and have a little real Fourth of July fun. Truth is, people—nor kids neither—don’t know what real sport is on the Fourth. If a fellow’d have a good time he’s got to turn himself into a skyrocket or giant firecracker and shoot himself into the clouds. Then he can see ey- erything and make all the noise he wants to.” That’s great!” exclaimed Fred, ad- miting greatly the young 1awyer whc possessed the magic charm that could turn himself into the form of a sky- rocket the size of a telegraph pole. “Wish I could be even a firecracker.” “Enough said,” remarked the law- yer. “You shall go with me in the shape of a giant firecracker. Come, what say you to that?” But before Fred could reply he felt his two legs turn into one; his hands slipped into his poekets and became attached to his sides, and lo! he leok- ed at his own reflection in the grass— a most peculiar phenomenon—and saw that he was the thing he had wished to become—a giant firecrack- er! “Ho, ho!” he cried, merrily. “I’m al- most as big as you. But I can out- shoot you!” “{ take the wager,” responded th skyrocket. “Do you happen to have a match about you?” “Pye matches, but no hands to get to them with,” replied Fred. “That is, I left home with lots of matches in my pockets and I guess they’re still there.” “Oh, I see,” said the skyrocket. “Well, I find myself in the same hand- less predicament. But there comes Billy Grimes, your school chum. ask him to give us a light.” At that instant Billy Grimes did ap- pear, and the skyrocket—otherwise the lawyer—bent over toward him and said: “My esteemed friend, will you kindly touch a lighted match*to me, and also one to my smaller compan- ion here, and see us go toward the clouds?” “Well, my goodness gracious! Who ever saw such a huge skyrocket and giant firecracker before?” cried Billy, looking up at the two queer things that looked down upon him. “Indeed, I shall touch matches to you and see you both go off ker-plunk! Gee, you fellers are gr-e-a-t.” Then getting some matches from his pocket Billy scratched them against the sole of his shoe and protected them in the hollow of his left hand until they flamed good - and strong; then he applied the blazes to the sky- rocket and giant firecracker, running off a safe distance immediately upon seeing the fuses ignite. A strange feeling took possession of Fred as the fuse burned: within him. Then, just as he was on the point of shoasting into the air, a terrible noise sounded near him and he saw the sky- rocket dash through the air like a can- nonball. But he had not an instant to spend enjoying his friend’s sudden exit from earth for immediately his own body shot upward with a terrific explosive sound and he followed in the wake of the rocket that was carrying a tail of fire into the clouds. Then he burst!—went into a hun- dred pieces—when about 100 feet above the ground, And how the sparks of fire burnt him and tingled through his body—the part of it that was left to tingle, which, indeed, was but a charred piece of wood. And how he fell with a dull thud to earth, still burning like a blister. Then something strange happened. All of a sudden he felt a dash of some- thing cold on his—face!—yes, face, for his cheeks and nose and chin felt it as plainly as could be. Another dash! Then Fred opened his eyes— yes, eyes!—for he still had _ those ptecious orbs. And in another instant he realized just where he was and what he was. He was plain Fred Harper, aged ten, and was lying on the ground under a tree, but not in the shade, for the sun had crept round toward the west and was shining full jin-his face. Over him stood Billy | Grimes with a home-made squirt gun from which ‘the mischievous rascal sent a spray of cold water over Fred’s face which was almost burned to a blister by the hot sun. “Hi, what you sleepin’ fer on th’ {Glorious Fourth?” asked Billy, giving | Fred some more water from the appar- ently inexhaustible squirt-gun. . “Don’t | you know they’re spreadin’ th’ dinner? An’ they’ve got dead loads of goodies.” “How did I come here?” Fred asked, rising slowly and making a wry face, | for his arms and legs were asleep and tingled like a hurt crazybone when he tried to get up. “W'y, lawyer man was a-readin’ the Declara- tion of Independence, an’ yer ma she tooked you up an’ carried you out here an’ laid you in the shade. But fer quite awhile the sun’s bin cookin’ | your phiz. you wriggle an’ make crooked faces. Then yer ma she called to me an’ told me to wake you up, as dinner’s *bout ready to.eat. I’m invited by yer | ma to eat with you, an’ she says I’m | to go home with you an’ help to shoot off the fireworks ’at she’s got laid up ‘in the closet to s’prise you with.” Fred at last got up, shook himself fully awake, and then, taking Billy to one side, asked in a low; confidential whisper: “Say, Bill, have you seen the lawyer man what was reading the Declaration of Dependence?” “Sure; yonder hé is, buyin’ lemon- ade for his best girl,” answered Billy, pointing with an unwashed finger to- ward the honored man of the day, who in very truth was standing close be- side a pretty young lady in pink, both drinking with apparent relish some picnic lemonade. “Gee whiz!” exclaimed Fred, “it hasn’t been half an hour since I saw him shoot into the clouds, explodin’| as he went as loud as a cannon. W’y, he was the biggest skyrocket I éver saw in all my life. He was——” “Come off,” cried Billy, “giving Rim the last drop of water from the squirt gun. “What you talkin’ ’bout, any- way?” “Guess I was dreamin’,” answered Fred. “But it was the most amusin’ dream I ever had. Wish you could have seen the lawyer man shoot into the sky about a second after you touched a match to him.” cried Billy. Then, taking Fred by the arm, he continued: “Guess you're either sunstruck or the glorious Fourth has gone to yer head. Come— after you’ve et some of that fried chicken I seen yer ma takin’ out of a basket you’ll come to.” “Hope so,” grinned Fred. “But, honest, it was funny to see that law- yer man go into the air, though. And when I busted——” But Billy, dragging him toward the pienic spread; broke in with: “Now, that’s ’nongh for this time. Save the rest fer next Fourth o’ Julie.” “An Demand. invite pum’ into our game.” “Oh, he’s a hard loser.” “Still, he’s always a loser.” rl | SONG OF THE FIREWORKS. On the Glorious Fourth we’re welcom- ed by all, . The young and the old, the short and the tall, * The Jean and the fat, the sour and the gay, one forth to greet us on that festive lay. And gayly we sally out hand in hand, Loving to follow the band; And filling the streets with our own lusty noise That drowns the sound of band and of boys! loud-playing In the pockets of youth we’re carried around, And thrown out to burst on the grassy ground Near the feet of some picnicker, all unaware That a boy with a cracker is near anywhere. Or mayhap we're shot like a ball to- ward the sky, And we carry a flame and a roar on high; Or in form of balloons we are sent up SO gay To soar through the clouds, far, far away. Or on a wood bar we are put with a pin And touched with a match to make us spin, spin; Then we splutter and whirl and burst with our glee, As the crowds clap and yell, “Hurray- ah! hur—ree!” | Oh, the Fourth is the day for chaps of you went to sleep while that) our kind, And more popular folks than us you'll not find! | But when the Fourth’s over we sheda sad tear, | For we’re laid on the shelf for anoth- It’s bin lots of fun to see er whole year, —M. W. Patriotic Helen. Little Helen Goldlocks Is patriotic, true, For her dollies three are dressed In red and white and blue. And each little dolly Carries very high “After I touched a match to him?”| A tiny*flaglet in her hand On this, the Fourth of July. Sure. Deiie*=Now, Mr. Hardup, I'll let you have these things on trust. If you are not geod pay, I'll find you out when I call to collect. Mr. Hardup—You certainly will. His Former Wife, Absent Minded Wall Street Opera- tor (at social function)—Excuse me, madam, but your face seems familiar. Haven’t I met you before? Society Leader—O, yes; I remem- ber you well. We met in the church the day we were married.” Too wrastic. “I see, by the paper, ma, that a boy assassin has been hang “Wa-al, a sassin’ boy is a great trial, but I don’t think thet he ought ter be hanged fer it.” SUFFERED TWENTY-FIVE YEARS. With Eczema—Her Limb Peeled and Foot Was Raw—Thought Amputa- tion Was Necessary—Believes Life Saved by Cuticura. “I have been treated by doctors for twenty-five years for a bad case of eczema on my leg. They did their best, but failed to cure it. My doctor had advised me to have my leg cut off. At this time my leg was peeled from the knee, my foot was like a piece of raw flesh, and I had to walk on crutches. I bought a set of Cuticura Remedies. After the first two treatments the swelling went down, and in two months my leg was cured and the new skin came on. The doctor was sur- prised and said that he would use Cuticura for his own patients. Ihave now been cured over seven years, and but for the Cuticura Remedies I might have lost my life. Mrs. J. B. Renaud, 277 Mentana St., Montreal, Que., Feb. 20, 1907.” Sorry He Spoke. “Where are you going, my pretty maid?” “Down to the ice cream store,” she said. And that was the finish of his joke, For he, alas, was very broke. We want your CREAM ship us to-day. MILTON DAIRY CO.’ St. Paul. Minn. Sanguine, Indeed. “He’s very sanguine.” “Always hopes for the best, eh?” “Why, he really seems to expect it.” PATENTS. List of Patents Issued Last Week to Northwestern Inventors. Reported by Lothrop & Johnson, patent lawyers, 911 Pioneer Press building, St. Paul, Minn: O. O. Berguam, Grafton, N. D., threshing machine; B. H. Farrell, Deadwood, S. D., waiter’s cabinet; O. H. Erickson, Minneapolis, Minn., speed regulator for dynamos; A. J. Leveque, Lead, S. D., amalgam press; F. L. Lucke, Min- neapolis, Minn., belt shifter; A. Travers, Hoople, N. D. velope: J. McCabe, Minneapolis, Minn., loading apparatus. Young Love. “Could you bring yourself to live in a flat on $20 a week?” “I could, Harold,” answered pampered yet unspoiled darling. my French maid.” Try Murine Eye Remedy All Druggists Sell Murine at Page Book in each Pk; in_every home. Ask your Druggist. Murine Eye Remedy Co., Chicago. Conversation. “T'm at a loss what to have my hero say next.” “Historical novel?” “Yes.” “Have him say ‘Gadzook People Talk About Good Things. Twelve years ago few people such a preparation as a Powder Feet. To-day after the genuine m ‘Allen’s Foot: ve been told y year by grateful persons, it i able to millions. It some, healing and a‘ rest and comfort to tir It. cures while you wal testimonials. —Imitatio a larger profit otherwise be offered a_ substitute for Allen’s Foot: Ease, the original foot powder. Ask for Aina oct Mace cad ae tetyoanet te hing feet. Over 30,000 the dealer Everywhere. Knicker—The trail of the big stick is over everything. Bocker—Yes, even Panama has re- ceived an intimation: “Somebody or Me.” HOYT’S HEADACHE AND NEURALGIA COLOGNE, A harmless and refreshing remedy that quickly relieves headache, neu- ralgia, nervousness, faintness, exhaus- tion, sleeplessness; used only by in- haling and outward application. For sale by ej] druggists. 25 and 50c bot- tles. Its Place Just Now. “Where is the grill room in this club?” asked the curious visitor. “I think you can strike it in almost any one on the sunny side,” replied the inert member. BUY U. S. DIP AND DISINFECTANT and ship your Hides, Pelts, Wool, etc., to N. W. Hide & Fur Co., Minneapolis, Minn. Placed. Knicker—Are they a bridal couple? Bocker—No, by his devotion I should judge she is a cook he is taking out to the suburbs. Sy | the | the genuine—manufactured by the Cali- “But | I do not know just how it would suit | . . | by all leading druggists. is worth Dollars , | | knew of | The Baseball Spirit. “The baseball spirit is a wonderful and impressive thing,” said a New Haven, barber. “New manifestations of it continually crop up. “Tad Jones, the great Yalecatcher, flopped into that red plush chair there the other day. “‘Shave, sir?’ said I. “No, said he. ‘Throat cut. lost.” Yale Mrs. Winslow's Soothing na ee For children teething, softens the gums, juces vented (ammation, allays pain, cures wind colic. The Leveler. “T love you, carissima.” And the duke with a gesture full of majesty, enfolded in his arms the zeautiful, shrinking girl. “But,” she faltered, “you are royal, whilst I—I, alas, have nothing save my youth and seventeen millions.” Tenderly he silenced her. “Love,” he whispered, “levels all ranks. STACK COVERS, AWNINGS, TENTS, Flags ete. For information and prices, write American Tent & Awning Co.. Minneapolis A Nature Fake. “What's this?” yelled the star. “Green snow? I won’t stand for it.” “You'll have to,” retorted the man+ ager. ‘White paper is so high that I told the property man to tear up a few stock certificates.” The General Demand of the Well-Informed of the World has always been for a simple, pleasant and efficient liquid laxative remedy of known value; a laxative which physicians could sanction for family use because its com- ponent parts are known to them to be wholesome and truly beneficial in effect, | acceptable to the system and gentle, yet | prompt, in action. In supplying that demand with its ex- ; cellent combination of Syrup of Figs and Elixir of Senna, the California Fig Syrup Co. proceeds along ethical lines and relies on the merits of the laxative for its remark | able success, That is one of many reasons why | Syrup of Figs and Elixir of Senna is given the preference by the Well-Informed. To get its beneficial effects always buy fornia Fig Syrup Co., only, and for sale Price fifty cente | per bottle. hip us t | THE CRE REAMERY CC ‘St. Paul, PENSIONS bY JOHN W. MORRIS, Washington, D. C. DAISY. FLY HILLER placed anywhere ATi kills Neat, 160 Acre FARMS: What a Settler Can Secure in WESTERN CANADA 160 Acres Grain-Growing Land FREE, 20 to 40 Bushels Wheat to the Acre. 40 to 90 Bushels Oats to the Acre. 35 to 50 Bushels Barley to the Acre. Timber ~ Fencing and Buil FREE. ood Laws with Low Taxa‘ Splendid R Railroad Fa Schools and Churches Conveni: Satisfactory Markets for all Productions. Good Climate and Perfect Health. Chances for Profitable Investments. Some of the choicest grain-producing landsin Saskatchewan and Alberta may now be ac- quired in these most healthful and prosperous sections under the Revised Homestead Regulations by which entry may be made by proxy (on cer- tain conditions), by the father, mother, son, daughter, brother or sister of intending home- steader. Entry fee in each case is10.00. For pamphlet, “Last BestWest,”particularsas tozates,routes, best time to go and where to locate, apply to E. T. BOLMES, St TOILET ANTISEPTIC Keeps the breath, teeth, mouth and body antiseptically clean, and free from un- healthy germ-life and disagreeable odors, which water, soap and tooth preparations alone cannot do. A germicidal, disin- fecting and deodor- izing toiletrequisite of exceptional ex- cellence and econ- omy. Invaluable for inflamed eyes, throat and nasal and uterine catarrh. At drug and toilet stores, 50 cents, or by mail postpaid. Largo Trial Sample WITH “HEALTH AND BEAUTY" OOK SENT FREE THE PAXTON TOILET CO., Boston. Masse N W N U_ —No 27— 1908 ESTABLISHED 1879. WOODWARD & CO. oe GRAIN COMMISSION