Grand Rapids Herald-Review Newspaper, August 19, 1905, Page 6

——_ | If Published Every Saturday. = By E. C. KILEY. FWD DOLLARS A YEAR IN ADVANCE @atered in the Postoffiee at Grand Rapid Minnesota, as Second-Class Matter, oer JEFFERSON AND T::E COW. Actor’s Audience Amused by His Slip of the Tongue. Joseph Jefferson, two or three years go, gave an address before the Wom- an’s Club of Brockton, Mass. Wear- ing a dress suit, he stood before an audience of well dressed women, who had invited their husbands for .this important occasion. The address was full of pithy remarks, and at its close Jefferson said: “Now, ask questions, and then I’ll get an idea of the things you'd like me to talk about.” Ques- tion followed question, and in course of time he was asked, “Do sou believe in realism?” “Now, that,” replied Jefferson, “is very much like a question I’m often asked after a performance. Suppose I was playing in a drama in’which a cow had any part, I don’t mind tell- ing you that I am afraid of cows, an¢ if I was taking part in such a play I should very much rather have the gow simply mentioned than to have him walk on to the stage.” At this point the audience laughed, and Jefferson, pausing a moment to realize the joke, added: “I beg your pardon, and the co~’s, ‘no. I should have said ‘her,’ of couvse. EXCLUSIVENESS AS A FAULT. Man's Weakness in Separation from Rest of His Kind. A man is but a clusier on the great human grapevine. He begins to dry up the moment he is cut off from his fellows. Ther is something in the solidarity of the human race which cannot be accounted for in the sum total of all the individuals. Separa- tion from the mass involves a mighty joss of power in the individual, just as there is a Jo7¢ of cohesion and ad- hesion involved tn the separation of the molecules and atoms of the dia mond. The value of the gem is In the elose contact, the compactness, and the concentration of the particles ‘hich compose it. The moment they Ste seperated its value is gone. So @ strong, effective man gets a large part of his strength from the vital connection with his fellows.—Success Magazine. The Russiat Conscience. In Carl Joubert’s’ ‘Russia as It Real- ly Is” the author gfvés the following anecdote: “ Jewish peddier of Grodno dealt in pirtogs (meat pies), and two hungry muzhiks traveling in thé third-clasé raflroad car with him were so o¥erpowered by the appetiz- ing odor of hig wares that, not having ioney\to bity them, they slew the Jew without’ further ado and threw the body out of the window. They ‘were apprehended and to the astonish- ment of the pristav (police sergeant), the whole supply of pies was found intact. ‘Why did you not eat the pir- rogs and throw the basket away?’ asked the pristav. ‘You forget,’ said one of the muzhiks, ‘that to-day is Fri- day and it is not allowed to eat meat.’” The Best is Ours. In te or world the best is freest ven— Pure! water. restful grass, the blue of heaven. The highest joys are wedded not to wealth— ‘True Jove, srvnet peace, and glad, abound- Not copease needs the world its vision Its jolden age is present, not the past. Be “richest SSewels mined by human thought gn by the Reonest fora a es be bought. hiloso} w, lawgiver, poe’ The mutchiess minds of every ry elime and 80 near gor feet they come fresh touched of 4 Like vernal life new springing from the. sod. O’er crowning all, most free, supremely at— Be the Christ, the poul's eternal William B. Norton, Ph.D. The Point of View. An Irishman who had but recently arrived in this country applied to a Scotchman for a job. The Scotchman decided to give him a trial—also, a little good advice. “It will be your own fault if you ’t get ahead in this country, Pat,” mg the Scotchman. “Twenty years ago’ I landed in New York with but one shirt to my back, but since then by my own exertions, I have managed to accumulated a million.” “Faith, an’ Ol'd loik to be afther knowin’ pfwat ony man wants wid a inflion shirts!” exclaimed the son of Erin. “He can’t wear more than one av thim at a tolm, begory!” , “_—_eo oO er" 4 Chose the Lesser Evil. The late William novel ear covering mended for the jt and gave it to who could thus prot waiting for Mr. Ter fede; but 3.2 wo inte ae tude; but a night or two Mr. Terriss’ noticed that he was not wear- ing his muffier. “Why havé you given ft up so soon?” he asked. “Well, sir,” was the man’s reply, “It was werry comfortable, but you see, sir, J found dut t’other night that when I.’ad. my éars covered a friend ’ad asked me to ‘ave a drink and I'd never ‘eard ‘im.” Daily N pxas talking to an old model. want you on Sunday morning for the final sitting.” said the artist. Five Lion-Heads cut from Lion (in addition to the reg- ular free premiums) to one vote in What will be the total July 4th attend: pany’s office, Toledo, Obto, on or bet next nearest, etc., etc., as follow: Distributed to the Public—ay te Grocers’ Clerks (see Visiting His Grandfather. This happened in Paris: An artist “I shall “Impos- sible, monsieur,” said the model. “I am going to take the children to visit my grandfather.” “Your grandfather! Why, how old are you?” “Sixty-sever, monsieur.” “And you still have a grandfather?” “Oh, yes, at the Jardin des Plantes. He’s a skeleton. I take my own grandchildren to see him once a month. The keepers know us very well. They always say: ‘Ah, you have come to see your grandpapa. All right; you'll find him in his usual place. He can’t walk very comfort- ably now, so he’s still there!’” Benny on the Mosquito. The mosquito is a small but power- ful insect with a sharp jigger at the end of his snoot. It amuses itself by singing, and lives on blood. When it stops singing you feel a pain some- where about you, and then you slap where the pain is. The mosquito will bite animals, but prefers the human race. It never does any good to swear when a mosquito bites you. It doesn’t help you a bit, and it irritates the mosquito. There was a man in South Chicago who was bitten by. a mos- quito seven years ago while he was working in his garden, and he has never worked in a garden since.— Chicago Tribune. One Virtue in Napoleon. The aft@r-dinner orator is born, not made; the artificial product takes hints and copies in vain. All agree, however, that the unexpected “goes” best. Lord Chancellor Campbell knew this when at dinner of authors he sud- denly rose, asked that glasses - might be charged, and. submitted “Napo- leon.” There were cries of dissent, but Campbell went on undisturbed: “We as authors must feel that the name of Napoleon should he held in honor, for let us never forget that he once shot a publisher.” That toast was drunk with enthusiasm.—Black and White. Woman Financier. She entered a large department store to buy a yard of silk, which ‘lerk told her would cost her 75 Her purchase left a remnant of apd one-balf yards. The clerk sug- gested that she buy the remnant. “What will you take for it?” asked the woman. “Fifty cents, madam,” replied the clerk. “Well, I'll take it, but you can keep the yard you've just torn off.” The clerk was staggered for a moment, but appreciating the humor of the proposal made the ex- i A Gage For President to be cast Nov. 8, 1904. Coffee Packages and a acent stamp entitle you either contest: B® ~ WORLD’S FAIR CONTEST World's Fair? At Chicago, July 4, 1893, the attendanc+ was 233,273. b, give first prize for the nearest correct estimate, secead ‘prize t to he jculars In COMPLETE DETAILED PARTICULARS IN EVERY PACKAGE OF LION COFFEE WOOLSON SPICE CO., (CONTEST DEP’T.) - Cash Given Away to Users of LION COFFEE We are going to bé more liberal than ever in 1904 to users of Lion Coffee. Lion-Heads, cut from the packages, be good, as heretofore,'{,: the valuable premiums we have always given our customers, but In Addition to the Regular Free Premiums the same Lion-Heads will entitle you to estimates in our $50,000. make some of our patrons rich men and women. You can send in as many estimates as desired, There will be - TWO GREAT CONTESTS The first contest will be on the July 4th :-tendance at the St. Louis World's Fair; the second rctates to Total $20,000.0u will be distributed in each of these contests, making $40,000.00 on the two, and, to make it still more interesting, in addition to this amount, we will give a Grand First Prize of $6,000.C lance at the St. Louis pee ht) 4279—PRIZES 4279 gating $4 PROF. SEARS’ LONG ‘SENTENCE. Conclusion Afar Off, So the Class Was | Excused. One warm afternoon in June Prof. Sears of Brown university was lectur- ing to his class in American literature. Several members had -flitted from the room during the moments when his eyes were on his manuscript, but beyond the remark that ihe room “ap peared to“be leaking” he took no no tice of the fact, His paper for the day, like the oth-. ers he delivered, had been prepared at his home, a long dist-nce from the college. The accurate eye of the stu- dent who sat nearest him had noted. that it appeared less bulky than usual, but even he was not prepared for what followed. Right in the middle of a sentence the professor stopped. the opening words and again halted at the same pofnt. Looking up from bis desk, with just the slightest twinkle in his eye, he said: “Gentlemen, the remainder of -this ‘sentence is two miles from here. The class is excused.” HIS IDENTITY A PUZZLE. Predicament That Caused ‘Distress to | 4 Forithe count! Ohio Citizen, Many years ago there itved a little ways east of Norwalk a” worthy citi- zen made Ami Keeler. farmer and a bachelor. brother in Norwalk whose’ Christian name was equally brief, being’. -Eri—‘ but {it is of Ami that this® ‘ehrontele ’ bears witpess. At the story goes, Ami was ¢learing a bit of woodland on his farm gne day: | when a hunter happened to Het fly, a bullet in his direction. The- missle. whizzed close to Ami’s head,-and: buried itself in the ‘dead tree he was chopping. Stunned by the sudden | shock he fell to the ground and Jay |. there dazed a. d helpless. As ‘as. he ‘could gather himself together, his .[ first words—so it is said—were: _ “Am I dead or am I not? alive or am I not? Am I Ami or am I not Ami? And if I am not Ami, who am I?”—Cleveland Plain Dealer. ‘The Soul's Wounds. Mein be wee on6 he took Bie Sen hands; ‘He took his Soul and Sh senguthed it calm, ; And loosed its strained bands. St: Pe ys PE jootieg have a flaming brand eas fho aid thie “thing? The Soul replied: it was a pure caress.’ .00Grand Prize Contests, which will to the one who is mearest. correct on both contests, and thus your estimates have two opportunities of winning a big cash prize, | Printed blanks ‘ co every Lion Coffee Pack- age. The 2 cent stamp covers the expense of our acknowledgment to PRESIDENTIAL VOTE CONTEST ®@ What will be the total Popular Vote cast for President (voi + for all candidates combined) at the election November 8, 194? La 1900 election, 13,959,653 people voted for President. rect estimates received in Woolson Spice Co.'s, offi on or before Nov. 5, 1904, we will give first prize for the nearest c rect ie second prize to thenext neacest, etc.. ¢ ‘| Who did this thing?’ He repeated ; ‘| Couples to their places, s€ts to stalls. Am I Not only will the vote on found in you that your es- timateis recorded. Fr nearest cor- Toledo, O. £8 follows: Eps 00 10.00 -1.099.98 2 (000.08 -1,000.00 -A:2ee-08 000.00 RoE TOLEDO, OHIO. “*O Soul, you shrink within my hand, | I scarce see where you be! The Soul replied: “A woman pitied me.’ “The Fool laid down his Soul and. wept, And knelt him down beside He soothed and questions all the night, Soul of ‘him brasute @ Bnfiadeiphia” Record. THE “LAW OF’ SALE.” Attitude cf the Consumer Toward the Advertiser. A specialist who’ has made a study of the mental attitude of the consumer toward the advertiser formulates what he call the “law of sale” as fol- lows: “Atteption, properly sustained, changes to interest; intereste, proper- ly augmented, ehanges to desire, and desire, properly intensified, changes to resojve to buy.” Often the reader passes through all these mental stages in the perusal of a single advertise- ment; sometimes the cumulative power of \a ‘series of “ads” is neces- sary to bring him to the final attract- ing attention, arousing interest and intensifying desire is the newspaper, which covers a field no other mediuia can .reach.—Philadelphia Record. When Slim Pete Fiddles. We've a high old time wixu Slim Peto « fiddles shindig down at Biddivs’ Raneb, cu the Tar Flat ioud. His. horse- , hair bow e “Dixie” or “Jump-Jim- Can . oS gut Like sixty. Git yer pardners now, an’ jump “Hop light. ladtes, hg mag fine, in lin Pete yells, mounts & boxvand siddees and calls: “Honors. all an’ tet "er xe Balane «li and do-se- Jump div cly’ pow, an’ all turn an’ bieal arou: ring: Meet ycar-gent and let ‘im swing! over calico,.bow down low! itch an’ swing an’ do-se-do! To pardnerg again and all get gay! Lemonade round an’ all chaw hay!” Oh, it’ ee time we have when Slim Pete For the count ar Pint roa — at Biddles’ h, on the Tar ere Dennis "H. Stovall. Some Lingual Pecullarities. Some familiar words illustrate that nfusion between article and sub- Stantive which has given the English language “a newt” for “an eWt.” “A ‘¥nickpame” represents “an ekename,” an additional name; and “a nugget,” or “riggot,” as it used to be written, ‘was once “a ningot,” a wrong version of “an ingot.” Similarly the phrase “for the nonce” was originally “for lorange” were “a nedder” sad “a ‘norange” originally. “An apron,” also, “has come from “a apron” (connected Sark “napery”), and “an umpire” is “a numpire’—a “non-peer,” & | SEAMLESS? H H / f FLEGANCE EXCELLANCE IF YOU TRAVEL VIA THE Great Northern Railway. “The Comfortable Way” Tothe Louis & Clark Exposition. Send 2cents for handsomely illustrated booklet ‘A Camera Journey to the LOUIS & CLARK EXPOSITION” to F.r WHITNEY, Bamenest Trattle alia 2/14 St. Rein Minn. The Herald-Review For Up-to-date Printing SAY, PA, WHY DON’T YOU WEAR THE MENOMINEE Sensibie boy, that, He made a bull’s eye when he spoke. We make shoes which put the corn- ° cure dealers on thesanxious seat. We cure corns by fitting the feet scientifically. The best way to cure corns is to prevent heir growth in the first place. The Menominee Seamless Union .Made Shoe 1s casy-to- wear, easy-to-buy, easy-to-sell, inane (eo For Sale Ry 58. ¥ 1.8. YURIZWAN, 7. ani PSS SLOMSVOSeS ecees 4 The Shoe Man Grand Rapids Mnnesoa SSSSes Pioneer Meat Market, THOMAS FINNEGAN, Prop. , ; Fresh and | Fish, Hane | Salt Meats Poultry. etc ASK ANY ORS OUR REGULAR CUSTOME AND TH WILL TELL YOU THAT THE VERY BES p AMBATS OF retype ote KEPT AT THE PIONEER MEAT Butter, Eggs, Cheese and Canned Goods og COD FELLOWS’ BUILDING, LELAND AVENUE., GRAND RAPIDS. SPS2S2SS: | i SVSPSPSLSLSLSLS PS? wEreeseeees cess Concrete ‘Building Blocks Manufactured at Grand Rapids by oF. FREESTONE & CO. —— a a The most substan- tial and = ecomic building were placed on market, materia: the — ome — For the erection of Business and Residence, Buildings, Sidwalks, Ornamenal mmcng nee neys, Etc. . = $ 4 “Investigate and Be Cofivinced. 2° cn * 6800 to + COoS Seanesessssenasseszeccn codons esss eG! A Favorite Resort for refreshments and where way bp seen and beard one of the largest phonographs in the world is at $f JOHN O'RILEY’S Sample Room Bh Northern. most delightful beverage ali ey & aioli we are oe ‘Agent for it in nonrte CAFE i on aa day aud night. All delicactesof the season Peter Meil, Chef.