Grand Rapids Herald-Review Newspaper, July 29, 1905, Page 5

a sn Published Every Saturday. — By E. C. KILEY. = — coe wo DOLLARS A YBAR IN ADVANCE atered in the PostoMee at Grand Rapid Minnesota, as Second-Class Matter, NAPOLEON AY ST. HELENA,’ {Great Conqueror Bitterly Resented Banishment to Island. What Napoleon thought of his ban- fshment to St. Helena may be gath- (ered from the following protest: “The idea of it is a perfect horror to me. ‘ To be placed fer life on an island within the tropics, at an im- mense distance from any land, cut off from all communication with the world and everything that I hold in it! —c’est pis que le cage de fer de Tam- erlan. (It is worse than Tamerlane’s cage.) I would prefer being deliv- ,ered up to the Bourbons. Among oth- er insults,” said he—‘“but that is a mere bagatelle, a very secondary con- sideration—they style me general! “They can have no right to call me general; they may as well call me ‘archbishop, for I was head of the ‘church as well as the army. If they do not acknowledge me as emperor, they ought as first consul; they have sent ambassadors to me as such; and your king, in his leiters, styled me brother. Had they fined me in the ‘Tower of London, or one of the fort- resses in England (though not what I had Lcped from the generosity of the English people), I should not havé so much cause for complaint; but to Danish me to an island within the tropics! They might as well have signed my death warrant at once, as it is impossible a man of my habit of body can live long in such a climate.” —‘The Surrender,” by Admiral Mait- fand. LIKE ANY OTHER TEA. “WMething Wonderful in Mixture That Brought About Revolution. A little Western girl visiting Boston Mor the first time was told that the @auseum actually contained some of @he historic tea that was thrown into Woston harbor in 1773. Nothing else in Massachusetts so appealed to the little maid’s imagina- tion, and she straightway became in- tensely desirous of seeing the article that had made so much trouble and about which she had heard so much in school. An obliging uncle under- took to gratify this modest wish, but ‘was greatly surprised at the outcome. As the child gazed at the famous relic, her eyes slowly filled and finally ‘overflowed with tears. “Why, my dear!” exclaimed the as- tonished uncle. “What in the world ts the trouble?” “It 1-l-looks like any other old tea,” sobbed the disappointed little girl.— "The Sunday Magazine. Failacy Regarding Bread. The fallacy that the whiter the ‘bread the higher iis quality, seems to prevail all over the world, and the ‘demands for snow-white flour have been answered by the production of a our which is robbed of considerable ‘of its nutritive value.j There are vari- ‘ous ways of accomplishing this object, but the newest and most novel pro- cess for that purpose comes’ from France. Here the dough has been treated with ozonized air, and the effect was that while the bread was much whiter than the untreated the quality of the bread was very much impaired. Both ihe taste and the amount of nourishment were very much inferior. Children. } What the leaves are to the forest, With light and air for food, Ere their sweet and tender juices Have been hardened into wood— That to the world are children; Through them it feels the glow Of a brighter and sunnier climate That reaches the trunks below. Come to me, O ye children! And whisper in my ear What the birds and winds are singing In your sunny atmosphere. ¥or what are all our contrivings And the wisdom of the books When compared with your earesses And the gladness of your looks? Ye are better than alt the ballads “That ever were sung or sald; For ye are living poems, 5 And all the rest are dead. —Lonefellow. my queen. I did not know I hed a friend So near, by chance to save; 3t seemed my fortune here must end, Just plundered by a knave. Her back ~ suena. I knew her not In my perplexity, Yet she was there to spoil the plot Of my arch enemy. . And when I saw her regal face Appear upon the scene, Victorious champion of my case, I hailed her as my queen. ‘There may be those of higher rank, Of greater worth than she, But now the queen of trumps U thank— } She took the trick for me. i —New Yorker. Counted His Grandmother. When some surprise was expressed that a small boy should prefer to go “for a summer outing to the sleepy. vil- ‘lage where his mother lived as a little girl, instead of to the seashore with its “attractions,” the little fellow re plied: “Eicot.st my grandmother.” In. ‘the plans of many families at this ‘season of the year “counting the grandmother” plays an important part. Her welcome arms form for the child “the first line of reserves,” to use a rilftary phrase.—Youth’s Comnanicn asks you for iL” ter SMe While on the China station in 1886 the master-at-arms’ mess on the U. S. S. Omaha Was in a drunken and de- moralized condition for several weeks. ‘Try as he might, the captain could not discover where the liquor was com- ing from. Finally all, shore liberty was stopped, but the drunkenness did not cease. On ihe morning of sailing, while the executive officer was near the port gangway watching the takiag in of stores, he asked what was in a large demijohn that came over the ‘side with boxes and packages. He was told that it was vinegar. He pulled,the cork and sniffed it. It was vinegar. Then his attention was at- tracted by the tas, marked “master- at-arms’ mess,” and remarking that the mess must be using vinegar for bathing, as he had already seen the same demijohn brought aboard twice within that week, he ordered the offi- cer of the deck to inspect it carefully and taste it. He did; it was vinegar. That officer, bowever, noticed that the jug had an unusually long feck. He poured out a small quantity of vine- gar and discovered an extra cork in the bottom of the neck. Below that were three gallons of gin. :The vine- ger between the corks had served to deceive the inspecting officer at the gangway for a month. DUE TO FASHION’S CAPRICE. Artificial Flowers Had Their Crigin in: Italian Festival. Fashion is responsible for many in- ventions. This is the case with the manufacture of artificial flowers, for the demand was due to a caprice of fashion. In Italy during festiva! time it was decreed that flowers should be worn in and out of their season and that their color should be retained. Many plans for solving the problem were brought forward and*at last some one hit upon the idea of making them of various materials which would re- semble the real flowers. Later, in the middle ages, the artificial so far super- seded the natural that both nen and women decked their heads with imi- tation flawers of cambric, glass, pa- per, wax and metal. The most beau- tiful artificial blossoms are made in Paris, and their making is one of the chief industries of that city. Why Gambling Was Prohibited. In England. as in Rome, gambling was prohibited, not because ft demor- alized, but because it rendered its devotees effeminate. An act passed in 1541 had in view the double object of “maintaining the artillery and debar- ring unlawful games.” An act passed during the reign of Queen Anne do clared' that all bonds or other securt- ties given for money won at play or money lent at the time to play with should be utterly void and all mort- geges or incumbrance on lands made on the same considerat:on should be made over tq the use of the mort- gagor. This continued to be the law until 1845, Curlous Facts of Napoleon I. A recently discovered manuscript written by a schoolmate of Napoleon 1, whose name was H. A. L. de Cas- tres,‘contains curious information re- garding Napoleon in the years ef 1780 to 1784, When he entered the Mili- tary school at Brienne he knew so little of the French language that a private teacher of It had to be en- gaged for him» He was _ tolerably good in mathematics, and had an amazing memory. He liked to play robbers or war with the boys, but €ared little for ball playing or other games. | A “Dark” Romance. A young native woman, attractive, and, for a negress, good iooking, a few: years ago nearly caused war in ‘Trestern Africa between two chiefs, each of whom wanted to marry hey As troubie seemed imminent, a white officer tutervened, and married _ the girl to a native civil servant. Would that end the matter? “I believe she has common sense,” said the offtciat. There has been no trouble since, and to-day me dusky beauty in the case, commrrcially inclined, has a ou. business at taking in waskiag! The Experiment. A million years ago the chemist old Fused, tn his furnace, many jpetem things— Tincture of pride, red blood, ana pow- dered go) Anger, and pride, and dust of broke. wings, ; And laughter, and the salt of unshéed tears, Sun-rays and moon-sheen from the skies above, And courage in full measure: Down the years He spilled the mixture—and we call it Love. —Munsey’s. Saw No Joy in the Kiss. Kissing seems to have attractions even these many centuries after it |, originated, and not a few have been the toasts upon this art of osculation, of which 2 good New England divine once said: “I never can understand why people kiss; it seems to me not only a purposeljess, but a disgusting habit,” Evidently this sentiment was that of Dean Swift, who wrote: “Lord, I wonder what fool it was that first invented kissing!” Bishop Brooks and Matrimony, The late Phillips Brooks, being a bachelor, was greatly annoyed by receiving offers of marriage from ‘women all over the country. One wom- “an told him that she had fortune at his disposal if he would accept her "hand and heart. He replied: “Give your money to the poor, your heart to God, and your hand to’the man who tion, ae ‘Time, any old time. 33 Place, on a nickle-in-the-slot, party-line | telephone circuit. First Subseriber (taking receiver off the hook and standing-expectantly in front of the telephone)—Hello, central, (Painful pause:) Hello, central! Hello, central! Central—Number? Subscriber—I want orange yellow 756, please. Voice—I’d like you to know that we are talking here. Go way back and sit down, Why, yes, Fred, I am perfectly sure that you didn’t intentionally try to offend me, | but you certainly ought to have sent me some word— af Subscriber reads a column in the news- paper. Picks up the receiver and holds it to her ear in obedience to the inunctions “Listen First” on the card of directions. Voice—O, Fred, wait a minute. That hate ful old rubberneck is listening again. Another Voice—Central, how long em I going to wait for Maroon 873? Central—Number, please? Jotigdes Voices—Mahogany 6483...” ” “Dark Navy Blue 899.” y “Violet Indigo 4422.” . “Crushed Strawberry 555.” — Central—Number, please? Subscriber—Orange Yellow 756, if you lease. - Voice—Well, for goodness sake, I guess the whole North side is taking a rubber I wish I could get hold of some of them There is one I would just like to shake. Deep Bass Voice—Sure thing. I guessshe | must be old Mrs. Butinsky that we read about in the papers. Well, don’t mind her, She just has to listen, poor thing; it’s het way. Central—Number, please? Subscriber—I want Orange Yellow 00 and I mean to have it. Furthermore, didn’t come to this telephone to be im sulted. Deep Bass Voice+She came to buy two yards of calico and a quart and a half of molessest r Voices—Eello, central, Dark Navy Blue 809. “Hello, central, Mahogany 6483.” “Hello, central, Violet Indigo 4422.” “Hello, central, Crushed Strawberry 555. “Orange Yellow 756.” Central—Putanickelintheslot. Chorus of Voices—My nickel is in. Centrai—Here’sRed Whiteand Blue598. Subscriber—I want Orange Yellow 756, Deep Bass Voice—Let her have it with potato dressing and brown gravy. Voice—Central, I want the manager. 1 have been calling here for-half an hour for Mahogany 6483, and I put my nickel in the slot, and I don’t propose to be treat- ed this way. Central—Whatnumberyoucalling? Voice—Mahogany 6483. Central—Putanickelintheslot. Voice—Well, I put one nickel in tha slot. How many do you want? Contral—Putanickelintheslot. Veice—Well, I would like to come over tomorrow afternoon much, but I really don’t see how I shall be able to. Another Voiee—Who wants you to? ‘What I want is money for that whisky bill. Voice—Isn’t this Mrs. Smithkens, Etrua- can Brown, 4411? The Other Voice—No, this is not Mrs, Simpkins Etruscan Brown 4411. This is O’Nully’s saleon, and I want to know when you are going to pay that whisky: bill. Voice—Sir. The Other Voice—Say, if you ain’t Jim Benners, why gittel out o’ here. I want Jim- Benners Pinky Green 55. Subscriber—Hello, central! How Jong have I got to wait for Orange Yellow 756? Central—Dropanickelintheslot. , Subseriber—But I did put a nickel ir the slot. The Other Voice—Sey, cut that out and go way hack, will yer, jest fer five sec: onds, one after the other, anyhow, huh? Say, Maggie, gimme Pinky Green 53 anc hurry back! See? Hurry back! Sweet Voice—Somebody eeems to have let the bars down. All kinds of cattle in here to-day. Deep Bass Voice—Sure, Mike. Wonder where old Screech Owl, the child Patti, js. Must have swallowed Orange Yellow 756 and died Subscriber (trembling with indignation) — Whoever you are you are not a gentleman and nothing but a pitiful coward, and if you will just tell me your name my hus band will— Voice—Rouse mit ’em! Rouse mit ‘emi! On yer way, all of you! On your way! Say, Mag, jar up Pinky Green 55 egce more, wil. 2? Subscriber—Hello, central! Can I have Orange Yellow 756, or must I enter a com plaint? Several Voices—Enter three complaints, 1 Make it five. Have one on me. On yee way? Mrs. Smithkins, are yon listening? All the bells on the circuit ring and all the>subscribers hurriedly grab up their receivers except those who are already on guard. \ Grand Chorus—Yes; what is it, please? | T have been trying for an hour to get you. es. *: Gruff Voice—This is the limeman mending the wire. Stand back three feet and say “Hello!” All together (shifting position)—Hello! Lineman—Now stand three feet to the right and say “Hello!” ‘All together (shifting position)—Hello! Lineman—Now stand three feet to the left and say “Hello!” All together (shifting position)—Hello! Lineman—Now stand on yer heads and say “Hello!” Voices—“()..()..().-& ()-.(.)” and other things too numerous to mention. Central — Whatnumberdoyouwantputa nickelintheslot!—Chicago Tribune. Quirks and Quibbes, It is easy for the light headed to be light hearted. s ‘He who corffesses that he lies, lies; he who denies that, he lies twice. We admire the man who wil) listen te peep because he gives,us a chance to talk. > ‘Most of us only know one man whom we regard as absolutely fair and unbiased, and modesty prevents us from naming him. Let*a man imagine that he is having his own way and a woman can do anything with him; let a woman but suspect that she is having her own way and a man can do nothing with her, -What a pity that most of our most bril- Mart and original ideas did not present. themselves to us first.” Most men would find it e difficult matten’ to tell all they-know;; not that they know, much; but the difficulty would arise in try- img to winnow what they know from what Poey imagine they know. If a man is many from to old age ina .some’ oxidation, but retained during always as old as he t youth ae Gen. James A. Wilson told the fol- lowing story of Washington Irving, which he had from the latter's lips: “During a prolonged stay in Eng- land,” began Mr. Irving, “I was one day welking in the countzy With a friend when a violent thunderstorm burst upon us. We stopped under a large tree, and while standing there f£ was reminded of the fact that a brother of mine who had taken shel- ter under an oak on the banks of the Hudson was struck by lightning. I mentioned the incident. The face of my friend took on a look of consterna- tion. He ran out into the pouring fain, and when I shouted to him to come back hz answered: “No, sire-ee! That kind of death probably runs in your family. I'll take my chances out the open instead of by your s “And he did.” added the hermit of “Sunnyside” with a s:ile that would have opened oyster patch, ———— NINE A MYSTICAL Many Superstitions Connected With Three Times Three. Nine is-a mystical number. <A cat is said to have nine lives; there are nine crowns in heraldry; possezsicn is “nine points of the law,” and the whip for punishing evildoers has nin? ticn being that a flogging by a trinity of trinities wontd be sacred and more efficacious. In or- der to see the fairies, mcrtals are di- rected to put nine grains of +. a four-leaf clover. The hyd nine heads, and leases are fr granted for 29 cr 989 years. in “Paradise Lost,” seys: “Th gates of hell are thricc tareefold—three folds adamantine, three folds iron and hree folds adamantine rock. They have nine folds, nine plates and nine linings. When the angels were cast out of heaven nine days they fell.” The nine of diamonds was consid ered the curse of Scotland, and to se nine magpies in the land of cakes is considered as bad as to see the de’il his ane sel’. Laughter and Worldly Success. “Speaking of laughter, I have often wondered if the laughing man and the laughing woman really get along bet- ter in theWorld than the man and woman who do not laugh, or if they Yaugh at all merely grin at some amusing thing,” said the observant man. “I-do not know, I am sure. Of course, you will find that men and women of both types probably in your own acquaintahce have been able to get along fairly well in the world. Laughter is no doubt good capital in a@ great many instances. - It is equally true that the grim face, the sour look, I may say, has often proved a valu- able asset. The which would seem to indic&te that there is a time to laugh and a time not to laugh.”—New’ Or- leans Times-Democrat. Question of Economy. Elmer was the oldest child of an al- ready somewhat numerous and inter- esting while rapidly increasing family, and yet Elmer was only a little boy. One pair of twins had marked an epoch in the family history between Elmer’s birth and that of a little baby sister, which he was invited to go in end see before she was honored with a name, or was big enough, in Elmer's estimation, to be designated as any- thing more than just “it.” Asked by his mother what ke thought of the dear little creature, Elmer Icoked at the mite very attentively for a time, and then answered, liké the young economist that he wa: “W'y, mama, it’s nice, of course; it’s real nice. But do you think we needed it?”—Lip, incott’s Magazine. \ Dreamin’ by the Fire. | Settin’ by the fire, whilst Molly’s stirrin’ roun I dream the old dreams over in Recol- lection tawn Outside I hear winter—sce the railin’ 0’ the snow— But I'm with tho old-time that loved me loz , Sweethearts ago! valleys Where, hand-in-hend, wild, sweet whi Settin’ by the fire—ah, well! I'm gittin’ B gray: Too ola to be a drcamer—to reap tl rose of May! Mg ‘Dhe lights en’ skadows ‘round me like friends from old. times. seem— ‘The fire does the talkin’ an’ I listen an’ T dream! Atlanta Constitution. Castor Oil for Mummies. M. Berthelot, secretary of the Louvre museum, believes that he has discovered the secret of the agent used in embalming in ancient Egypt. After a laborious examination of the sarcophagi of the fifth and sixta dynasties, which date back as far as 3500 B. C., M. Rerthelot has come to the decision that the oil employed was simply castor oil, such as is still used in Egypt, which has undergone tho long period its preservative quali- ties London Telegraph. . A Misapplied Petition. Not long since the choir in one of the fashionable churches of the South rendered a iong and difficult anthem— one with many frills and furbelows. The good minister sat patiently through it, but when the anthem was finished he arose and, to the amuse- ment of both congregation and choir, began his prayer in deeply earnest tones, saying, “O Lord, we thank ‘@ | ‘Thee that we are still alive!”—Lippin- cott’s. EXCELLANCE IF YOU TRAVEL VIA THE Great Northern Railway “The Comfortable Way” Tothe Louis & Clark Exposition Send2cents forhandsomely illustrated booklet “A Camera Journey to the LOUIS & CLARK EXPOSITION” wo F. kr. WHITNEY, Passenger ‘I Ma St. Paul, Minn. ager, rates: ‘ar local Agent about “Ask yo $ The Herald-Review For Up-to-date Printing SAY, PA, WHY DON’T YOU WEAR ‘ THE MENOMINEE ; SEAMLESS? Sensibie boy, that... He made We make shoes which put the corn- cure dealers on theranxious seat. a bull’s eye. when he spoke. SLSY Hi HH FSBVSLSVSLSVSLSVOS We cure corns by fitting the feet scientifically. The best way to cure corns is to prevent heir growth in the’ first place. The Menomince Seamless Union Made Shoe is casy-to- wear, e1sy-to-buy, easy-to-sell, For Sale Ry J. $. XURTZMAN, The Shoe Man GUARANTEED TO OUT-WEAR: 9. ids Nnnesoa ANY SHOE ON THE MARKET. % SLSLSVWS' GVO SLSLSLSE CLS: SWS2E2 Qo = Bp Ss a ma cg j Pioneer Meat Market, ¢ THOMAS FINNEGAN, Prop. Fish, : Game Poultry. etc ¢ Fresh and | 4 Salt Meats | ASK ANY OF OUR REGULAR CUSTOMED WILL TELL YOU THAT THE VERY B ALL Ds ARE KEPT AT ‘ STOR we Ricd he eee ete 0 06 me Ba & g Butter. Eggs, Cheese and Canned Goods GRAND RAPIDS. 2SISLSLSISLSLSLST SLSLHLSPSWSLSPSLSL i SISLSLGSPSS SICS AAT RERN L, | Coner ete Building Blocks Manufacture! at Grand Rapids by F. FREESTONE & CO. st FELLOWS’ BUILDING, LELAND AVENUE., i The most substan- | tial and = ecomic building materia 2° p laced on the market, For the erection of Business and Residence, Buildings, Sidwalks, Ornamenal Fencing, Chim- neys, Ete. 2 i — Investigate and Be Convinced. PERE RE MEE ate Cham ae ae a ae EE ee ae Me EA ae ae ate ae ae ae AE a a ae ae ae a ae a aa & A Favorite Resort for refreshments and where may be seen and heard one of the largest phonographs in the world is at JOHN O'RILEY’S Sample Room x The Northern. Cabinet Rye Whiskey a most delightfnl beverage always In stock—we are Agent for it im Grand Rapids. We handle the finest whiskeys ever distilled. NORTHERN CAFE Peter Mell, ’ Chef. In connection—bpen day and night. All delicacies of the season served at all hours. JOHN. O’RILEY,Prop. FURS HSS SoH SeHeReeE | ‘S2eSHee88 SHOR EEE AAEEE eOoR™ Sh hd dededcdedcdsdodedcdedcdcdededbdcdedededcdobid i ee USsedcid pied tel arte dghiy peep bh decheodehecbesbeabeubeil GEAR ARR A AE ASE AUR EE Ape ARE ARE ae tt ae aE ag a ae ae aE a a ae a He ee a ae ae aE ae a ae ae eH HK EAE * —4