Grand Rapids Herald-Review Newspaper, July 29, 1905, Page 4

Brant Rents Herne tRevien| Published Every Saturday. By E. C. KILEY. Pwo DOLLARS A YEBAR IN ADVANCE atered in the Postofiee at Grand Rapid Minnesota, as Second-Class Matter, NAPOLEON AT ST. HELENA, {Great Conqueror Bitterly Resented Banishment to Island. What Napoleon thought of his ban- fshment to St. Helena may be gath- ered from the following protest: “The idea of it is a perfect horror to me. To be placed for life on an island within the tropics, at an im- mense distance from any land, cut off from all communication with the world and everything that I hold in it! —c’est pis que le cage de fer de Tam- erlan. (It is worse than Tamerlane’s cage.) I would prefer being deliv- ered up to the Bourbons. Among oth- ‘er insults,” said he—‘“but that is a mere bagatelle, a very secondary con- sideration—they style me general! They can have no right to call me general; they may as well call me ‘archbishop, for 1 was head of the church as well as the army. If they do not acknowledge me as emperor, they ought as first consul; they have ,sent ambassadors to me as such; and your king, in his Ieiters, styled me brother. Had they ><ufined me in the ‘Tower of London, or one of the fort- resses in England (though not what I had keped from the generosity of the English people), I should not have *o much cause for complaint; but to danish me to an island within the tropics! They might as well have signed my death warrant at once, as it is impossible a man of my habit of body can live long in such a climate.” —‘The Surrender,” by Admiral Mait- Jand. LIKE ANY OTHER TEA. Wlathing Wonderful in Mixture That Brought About Revolution. A little Western girl visiting Boston for the first time was told that the Museum actually contained some of he historic tea that was thrown into Boston harbor in 1773. Nothing else in Massachusetts so appealed to the little maid’s imagina- ‘tion, and she straightway became in- tensely desirous of seeing the article that had made so much trouble and about which she had heard so much in school. An obliging uncle under- took to gratify this modest wish, but ‘was greatly surprised at the outcome. As the child gazed at the famous relic, her eyes slowly filled and finally ‘overflowed with tears. “Why, my dear!” exclaimed the as- tonishéd uncle. “What in the world ts the trouble?” “It 1--looks like any other old tea,” sobbed the disappointed little girl— The Sunday Magazine. Failacy Regarding Bread. The fallacy that the whiter the ‘bread the higher iis quality, seems to prevail all over the world, and the ‘demands for snow-white flour have been answered by the production of a Your which is robbed of considerable ‘of its nutritive value.| There are vari- ‘us ways of accomplishing this object, but the newest and most novel pro- cess for that purpose comes from France. Here the dough has been treated with ozonized air, and the effect was that while the bread was much whiter than the untreated the | quality of the bread was very much impaired. Both ihe taste and the amount of nourishment were very much inferior. Children. 1 What the leaves are to the forest, With light and air for food, Ere their sweet and tender juices Have been hardened into wood— That to the world are children; Through them it feels the glow ©f a brighter and sunnier climate That reaches the trunks below. €ome to me, O ye children! And whisper in my ear What the birds and winds are singing In your sunny atmosphere. For what are all our contrivings And the wisdom of the books When compared with, your caresses And the gladness of your looks? Ye are better than alt the ballads That ever were sung or said; For ye are living poems, } And all the rest are dead. —Longfellow. my queen, I did not know I had a friend So near, by chance to save; It seemed my fortune here must end, Just plundered by a knave. Her back was turned, I knew her not : In my perplexity, Yet she was there to spoil the plot ‘Of my arch enemy. And when I saw ner regal face Appear upon the scene, Victorious champion of my case, T hailed her as my queen. There may be those of higher rank, Of greater worth than she, But now the queen of trumps [ thank— ; She took the trick for me. When some surprise was expressed that a small boy should prefer to go “for a summer outing to the sleepy vil- lage where his mother lived as a little girl, instead of to the seashore with its “attracticns,” the little fellow re plied: “I cot.st my grandmother.” Jn ‘the plans of many families at this ‘season of the year “counting the grandmother” plays an important part. Her welcome arms form for the child “the first line of reserves,” to use 2 ‘New Yorker. Counted His Grandmother. | rilitary phrase.—Youth’s Comnanicn | Sailors’ Smart Trick Deceived Officers for a Month. While on the China station in 1886 the master-at-arms’ mess on the U. 8S. S. Omaha Was in a drunken and de- moralized condition for several weeks. Try as he might, the captain could not discover where the liquor was com- ing from. Finally all shore liberty was stopped, but the drunkenness did not cease. On ihe morning of sailing, while the executive officer was near | the port gangWay watching the takiag in of stores, he asked what was in a large demijohn that came over the side with boxes and packages. He was told that it was vinegar. He pulled.the cork and sniffed it. It was vinegar. Then his attention was at- tracted by the tas, marked “master- at-arms’ mess,” and remarking that the mess must be using vinegar for bathing, as he had already seen the same demijohn brought aboard twice within that week, he ordered the offi- cer of the deck to inspect it carefully and taste it. He did; it was vinegar. That officer, bowever, noticed that the jug had an unusually long feck. He poured out a small quantity of vine- gar and discovered an extra cork in the bottom of the neck. Below that were three gallons of gin. »The vine- gar between the corks had served to deceive the inspecting officer at the gangway for a month. DUE TO FASHION’S CAPRICE. Artificial Flowers Had Their Crigin in Italian Festival. Fashion is responsible for many in- ventions. This is the case with the manufacture of artificial flowers, for the demand was due to a caprice of fashion. In Italy during festival time it was decreed that flowers should be worn in and out of their season and that their color should be retained. Many plans for solving the problem were brought forward and’at last some one hit upon the idea of muking them of various materials which would re- semble the real flowers. Later, in the middle ages, the artifieial so far super- | seded the natural that both men and women decked their heads with imi- tation flawers of cambric, glass, pa- per, wax and metal. The most beau- tiful artificial blossoms are made in Paris, and their making is one of the chief industries of that city. Why Gambling Was Prohibited. In England, as in Rome, gambling was prohibited, not because it demor- alized, but because it rendered its devotees effeminate. 1541 had in view the double object of “maintaining the artiliery and debar- ring unlawful games.” An act passed during the reign of Queen Anne de clared'that all bends or other securi- ties given for money won at play or money lent at the time to play with should be utterly void and all mort- geges or incumbrance on lands made on the same considerat:on should be made over tq the use of the mort- gagor. This continued to be the law until 1845. Curious Facts of Napoleon I. A recently discovered manuscript written by a schoolmate of Napoleon 1, whose name was H. A. L. de Cas- tres, contains curious information re- garding Napoleon in the years ef 1780 to 1784. When he entered the Mili- tary school at Brienne he knew so little of the French language that a private teacher of Tt had to be en- gaged for him» He was tolerably good in mathematics, and had an amazing memory. He liked to play robbers or war with the boys, but eared little for ball playing or other games. A “Dark” Romance. A young native woman, attractive, and, for a negress, good iooking, a | few: years ago nearly caused war in ‘Trestern Africa between two chiefs, each of whom wanted to marry he: As troubie seemed imminent, a white officer iutervened, and married _ the girl to a native civil servant. Would that end the matter? “I believe she has common sense,” said the offtcia‘. There has been no trouble since, and | to-day me dusky beauty in the case, commrrcially inclined, has 7. gas. business at taking in waskiag! The Experiment. A million years ago the chemist old Fused, In his furnace, many petem things— Tincture of pride, red blood, ana pew- dered gold, Anger, Reo pride, and dust of broke wings, And laughter, tears, Sun- anes 8 and moon-sheen from the skies and the salt of unshed And courage in full measure: Down the He spilled, the mixture—and we call it Love. —Munsey’s. Saw No Joy in the Kiss. Kissing seems to have attractions even these many centuries after it originated, and not a few have been the toasts upon this art of osculation, of which a good New England divine once said: “I never can understand why people kiss; it seems to me not only a purposejess, but a disgusting habit.” Evidently this sentiment was that of Dean Swift, who wrote: “Lord, I wonder what fool it was that first invented kissin, Bishop ee and Matrimony, The late Phillips Brooks, being a bachelor, was greatly annoyed by _receiving offers of marriage from ‘women all over the country. One wom- “an told him that she had fortune at jhis disposal if he would accept her "hand and heart. He replied: “Give your money to the poor, your heart to God, and your hand to’the man Who asks you for i” An act passed in | Dramatis personae, too bee aal ag tomeae jon. Place, "on ghee lace, on a nic! 01 telephone circuit. =. gaakicnd First Subseriber (taking receiver off the hook and standing expectantly in front of the telephone)—Hello, central, (Painful pause:) Hello, central! Hello, central! Central—Number? Subscriber—I want orange yellow 756, please. Voice—I'd like you to know that we are talking here. Go way back and sit down, Why, yes, Fred, I am perfectly sure that you didn’t intentionally try to offend me, but you certainly ought to have sent me some word— Subscriber reads a column in the news- paper. Picks up the receiver and holds| it to her ear in obedience to the inunctions “Listen First” on the card of directions. Voice—O, Fred, wait a minute. That hate Zul old rubberneck is listening again. Another Voice—Central, how long emI going to wait for Maroon 873? Central—Number, please? Voices—Mahogany 6483. “Dark Navy Blue 899,” ; “Violet Indigo 4422.” : “Crushed Strawberry 555.” Central—Number, please? Subscriber—Orange Yellow 756, if you please. Voice—Well, for goodness sake, I guesa the whole North side is taking a rubber | I wish I could get hold of some of them There is one I would just like to shake. r Deep Bass Voice—Sure thing. I guess she | must be old Mrs. Butinsky that we read | about in the papers. Well, don’t mind her, She just has to listen, poor thing; it’s her | way. Ceateal--Nuniber, please? Subscriber—I want Orange Yellow it and I mean to have it. Furthermore, didn’t come to this telephone to be in sulted. Deep Bass Voice—She came to buy two yards of calico and a Pes and a half of motessest Voices—Eello, canta Dark Navy, Blue 809. “Hello, central, Mahogany 6483.”” “Hello, central, Violet Indigo 4422.” “Hello, central, Crushed Strawberry 555. “Orange Yellow 756.” Central—Putanickelintheslot. Chorus of Voices—My nickel is in. Centrai—Here’sRed Whiteand Blue598, Subscriber—I want Orange Yellow 756, Deep Bass Voice—Let her have it with | potato dressing and brown gravy. Voice—Central, I want the manager. 2 have been calling here for-half an hour for Mahogany 6483, and I put my nicked in the slot, and I don’t propose to be treat- ed this way. Central—Whatnumberyoucalling? Voice—Mahogany 6483. Central—Putanickelintheslot. Voice—Well, I put one nickel in tha slot. How many do you want? Contral—Putanickelintheslot. Voice—Well, I would like to come over tomorrow afternoon much, but I really don’t see how I shall be able to. Another Voiee—Who wants you to? What I want is money for that whisky bill. Voice—Isn’t this Mrs. Smithkens, Etrua- can Brown, 4411? The Other Voice~No, this is not Mrs, Simpkins Etruscan Brown 4411. This is O’Nully’s saloon, and I want to know when you are going to pay that whisky: bill. Voiee—Sir. The Other Voice—Say, if you ain’t Jim Benners, why gittel out o’ here. I want Jim Benners Pinky Green 55. Subscriber—Hello, central! How long have I got to wait for Orange Yellow 756? Central—Dropanickelintheslot. , Subseriber—But I did put a nickel ir the slot. The Other Voice—Sey, cut that out and go way back, will yer, jest fer five sec onds, one after the other, anyhow, huh? Say, Maggie, gimme Pinky Green 53 anc hurry back! See? Hurry back! Sweet Voice—Somebody eeems to have let the bars down. All kinds of cattle in here to-day. | Deep Bass Voice—Sure, Mike. Wonder where old Screech Owl, the child Patti, | is. Must have swallowed Orange Yellow 756 and died Subscriber (trembling with indignation) — Whoever you are you are not a gentleman and nothing but a pitiful coward, and if you will just tell me your name my hus- band will— Voice—Rouse mit ’em! Rouse mit ‘em! On yer way, allof you! Onyour way! Say, Mag, jar up Pinky Green 55 ce more, wil. yu re nee tae central! Can I have Orange Yellow 756, or must I enter a com plaint? Several Voices—Enter three complaints, Make it five. Have one on me. On yee way? Mrs. Smithkins, are yon listening? All tke bells on the circuit ring and all the>subscribers hurriedly grab up their receivers except those who are already on guard. Grand Chorus—Yes; what is it, please? | T have been trying for an hour to get you. Yes. Gruff Vi ‘oice—This i is the limeman mending the wire. Stand back three feet and say “Hello!” All together (shifting position)—Hello! Lineman—Now stand three feet to the right and say “Hello!” ‘All together (shifting position)—Hello! Lineman—Now stand three feet to the left and say “Hello!” All together (shifting position)—Hello! Lineman—Now stand on yer heads and say “Hello!” Voices—*()..()..0)--& ()-.(.)” and other things too numerous to mention. — Whatnumberdoyouwantputa nickelintheslot!—Chicago Tribune. Central Quirks and Quibbes, It is easy for the light headed to be light hearted. He who corffesses that he lies, lies; he who denies that he lies twice. We admire the man who wil) listen te reason because he ees qus ae chance to talk. ‘Most of us only know one man whom we regard as absolutely fair and unbiased, and modesty prevents us from naming him. Let a man imagine that he is having hw own way and a woman can do anything with him; let a woman but suspect that she is having her own way and a man can do nothing with her. ‘What a pity that most of our most bril- Mart and original ideas did not present themselves to us first. Most men would find it a difficult matten’ to tell all they -know;; not that they much; but the difficulty would arise in try> | img to winnow what they know from what Prey imagine they know. If a man is always as old as he feels, | @any me from youth to old age ina | The good minister WAS ALARMED. - Feared Ceath by Lightning stroke | Micht Run in Famities. Gen. James A. Wilson told the fol- lowing story of Washington Irving, which he had from the latter's lips: “During a prolonged stay in Eng- land,” began Mr. Irving, “I was one day welking in the countz:y with a friend when a violent thunderstorm burst upon us. We stopped under a large tree, and while standing there £ was reminded of the fact that a brother of mine who had taken shel- ter under an oak on the banks of the Hudson was struck by lightning. I mentioned the incident. The face of my friend took on a look of consterna- tion. He ran out into the pouring rain, and wken I shouted to him to come back ho answered: “No, sire-ee! That kind of death probably runs in your family. I’ll take my chances of by your si “And he di “Sunnyside” h have opencd’ oysters.—P; patch. added the hermit of that would NINE A MYSTIC ies > Many Superstiti Connected With Three Times Three. Nine isa mystical number. A cat is said to have nine lives; there are nine crowns in heraldry; p i is “nine points of the law | whip for punishing evildoers has nin» tails, the superstiticn bei that a flogging by a trinity of trinities wontd be sacred and more efficacious. In or- der to sce the fairies, tals are di- rected to put nine grains of v-neat on a four-leaf clove: The hy had nine heads, and leases are frequently granted for 99 cr $$9 years. Milton in “Paradise Lost,” : “The gates of hell are th tareefold—three {elds adamantine, three folds iron and three folds adamantine rock. They have nine folds, nine plates and nine linings. When the angels were cast out of heaven nine days they fell.” The nine of diamonds was consid- ered the curse of Scotland, and to nine magpies jn the land of cakes is considered as bad as to see the de’il his ane sel’. Laughter and Worldly Success. “Speaking of laughter, I have often wondered if the laughing man and the laughing woman really get along bet- ter in the World than the man and woman who do not laugh, or if they Taugh at all merely grin at some amusing thing,” said the observant man. “I-do not know, I am sure. Of rd se, you will find that men and women of both types probably in your own acquaint: fice have been able to get along fairly well in the world. Laughter is no doubt good capital in a great many instances. It is equally true that the grim face, the sour look, | I may say, has often proved a valu- able asset. The which would seem to indic&te that there is a time to laugh and a time not to laugh.”—New’ Or- leans Times-Democrat. Question of Economy. Elmer was the oldest child of an al- ready somewhat numerous and inter- esting while rapidly increasing familv, and yet Elmer was only a little boy. One pair of twins had marked an epoch in the family history between Elmer’s birth and that of a little baby sister, which he was invited to go in and see before she was honored with a name, or was big enough, in Elmer's estimation, to be d ated as any- thing more than just “it.” Asked by his mother what ke thought of the Gear little creature, EL. Icoked at the mite very attentively for a time, and then answered, like the young economist that he wa: “W'y, mama, it’s nice, of course; it’s real nice. But do you think we needed it?”—Lip, \ incott’s Magazine. Dreamin’ by the Fire. Settin’ by the fire, whilst Molly’s stirrin’ oe prea over in Recol- : winter—sce the railin’ But I'm ne old-time sweethearts that Morea me long ago! The first sweet flowers she ak me—the ve ed, e ‘te Where, wild, Settin’ ae the fire—ah, well! I'm gittin’ gra. Too ola Xo be a drcamer—to reap the rose of May! "round me like m old times. seem— talkin’ an’ I listen an’ irie The fire does | I duam —Atlanta Constitut ion. Castor Oil for Mummies. M. Berthelot, secretary of the Louvre museum, believes that he has discovered the secret cf the agent used in embalming in ancient Egypt. After a laborious examination of the sarcophagi of the fifth and sixta dynasties, which date back as far as 3500 B. C., M. Lerthelot has come to the decision that the oil employed was simply castor oil, such as is still used in Egypt, which has undergone some oxidation, but retained during the long period its preservative quali- ties.—London Telegraph. . A Misapplied Petition. Not long since the choir in one of the fashionable churches of the South rendered a jong and difficult anthem— one with many frills and furbelows. sat patiently through it, but when the anthem was finished he arose and, to the amuse- ment of both congregation and choir, began his prayer in deeply earnest tones, saying, “O Lord, we thank Thee that we are still alive!”—Lippin- cott’s. ut in the open instead | urs - Dis-"| ELEGANCE EXCELLANCE IF YOU TRAVEL VIA THE Great Northern Railway “The Comfortable Way” Tothe Louis & Clark. Exposition Send2cents forhandsomely illzstrated booklet “A Camera Journey to the LOUIS & CLARK EXPOSITION” wo FE WHITNEY, Passenger I ', St. Paul, Minn. ‘ask your local Agent about rates: PAPA Pfaff APS PAPAS ASAD The Herald-Review SAY, PA, WHY ; DON’T YOU WEAR THE MENOMINEE SEAMLESS? SSLSVSLSBO* S2SLSLSWS! SVO~ SLSLSLSE SLSMSLS~Y HH HSS He made a bull’s eye. We make shoes which put the corn- Sensibie boy, that.. when he spoke. cure dealers on theranxious seat. We cure corns by fitting the feet scientifically, The way to cure corns is to prevent heir growth in the first place. The Menemince Seamless Union Made Shoe is casy-to- wear, eisy-to-buy, easy-to-sell, best PSE SLEST SPSS SWWLTOS2 SPOT SLST SLSTSVWSE 2S For Sale Ry — prot : [p53 1.8. KURTZHAN, ges GUARANTEED TO OUT-WEAR ANY SHOE ON THE MARKET. 2S ISP oe lSleSe2EISS SISPSB SOG: Yj The Shoe Man % Grand Rapids Wnnesoa ete? SVSAVWSVSLTSVSLSLSLVSISVSVSIEE 3 SHSISVSBSLTSPSLSVCISLSISE SB i ; Pioneer Meat Market, ¢ THOMAS FINNEGAN, Prop. Fresh and | Fish,. Game Salt Meats ae Poultry. etc Butter, Eggs, Cheese ‘and. Canned Goods g ODD FELLOWS’ BUILDING, LELAND AVENUE., GRAND RAPIDS. % SISSIES SLSLC SLO SLSPHCSL SBSCSPSLISL 1 SVCSLSLGP/SS GLEE Concrete Building Blocks Manufacture! at Grand Rapids by F. FREESTONE & CO. The most substan- tial building ecomic materia p laced on the market, and For the erection of Business and Residence, _ Buildings, Sidwalks, Ornamenal Fencing, Chim- a neys, Ete. Investigate and Be Convinced. | | PERE ARSE he Chace ate ae ath SEE eae ae ae Se ae este te ate ae he ka we eae se ae ae ae ae aE A Favorite Resort for refreshments and where may bo seen and heard one of the largest phonographs in the world is at JOHNORILEY’S Sample Room x The Northern. Cabinet Rye Whiskey a most delightfnl beverage always In stoek— Agent for it im Grand Rapids. We handle the finest whiskeys ever di: oT illed. Chef. NORTHERN CAFE Peter Meil, In connection—dpen day and night. All delicacies of the season served at all hours. JOHN O’RILEY,Prop. SHES ARH RVKH eegeesee 1 te iiesasapienneel aE SRE De ae ate ate ate ate thE SRE ARE RE ME EM, Re aE ARG REE RE ae ae be ate ae ah ate ate ae Se BHT wee SEER REA AR Gee ae a ee ee ee 75 Se age HR ARSE AM Me AGE ATE A AYE RE ae Ae AE aE AE ASE aS A AF a aE a ae ae ae aa AE ARE STRE H AE ASEAE EAGEARERE ee a aRE aga ae ae a ae a ae aE HR ae eae ae a aE aE ae ———