Grand Rapids Herald-Review Newspaper, December 24, 1904, Page 6

ott In the galaxy of grocery-stove liars, “He Davis easily occupied the soap- box throne. He was a sort of living refutation of the claim that truth is mighty and will prevail. In fact, He- ekiah Davis was a most marvelous and conscientious prevaricator. None yelieved him capable of telling the uth, hence no one expected him to peak aught but falsehood—except on ne occasion» and even then repent- followed quickly. racefully, tenaciously and pious- id “Hez” Davis lie, that away back in the nebulous state of Time, he had been dubbed “Lying Deacon Davis.” Phe “Deacon” portion of the appella- ion was applied because of his strict attendance upon church services; and the wonderful religious lies associated with his eccle ical wool-gatherings a night, when Morpheus and Me- isto were playing him tricks and shioning for his imaginings strange were little short of miracles elated to a news-famished commu- xt morning. n, too, “Hez” occasionally acted s grave digger for the village dead; and lying, being about as much able-bodied man ina quiet ommunity could be expected to tend to well. after a time, as\ ‘‘Hez’s” lying more chronic, and his grave pronounced, the “Deacon” ognomen of his name was and he approached the sun- ith the short and undesir- ance of “Lying Davis.” \s such was he known on a bluster- w night two days’ before as he shambled into Grocery” and took his ac- ace among the members of n “Strategy Board.” accustomed grin of quasi-ex- tancy, tinged with a curl of dis- ain in which pity and jealousy were tr mingled, greeted his entry > liars circle about the cavern- ove that glowed and flushed, as tting and blushing for the out- igeous falsehoods that-nightly held rampant sway about its metal \s he adjusted his coat tails care- y nd the soap box on which he fez” surveyed the group crit- Got a spade I kin borrer to-morrow 1’, Bill,” addressing Compton, er. “I broke th’ handle of istaday pryin’ up a hoss-radish inter gardenin’?” inquired n, slyly nudging Hank Som- alongside him on a sugar barrel. 1in’t be ye’ve had no revelations ate, ‘Hez.” Are ye goin’ t’ turn farmer fer a livin’ and give up lyin’?” ted Roger Craig, taking a lib- meekly toward the soft-pine floor and sighed. § “Taint no time t’ laugh an’ be gay with one o’ our best country residents dead o’ heart disease!” He paused in solemn mien, his head low, his hands clasped between his knees. Wary glances were exchanged be- tween the strategists. None cared to make the sally. “Died an hour ago. Snuffed out like the candle in a draught. Fell dead upon the milk-house floor,” resumed “Hez” sadly, softly, much affected. “Who's dead?” blurted Andrew Shrader, aiming for a knot-hole in the floor with a kernel of corn and miss- ing it. “‘Who’s dead?” “Lying Davis” took a long, deep breath, and looking up suddenly, de- manded: “What's th’ matter with you fellers? Don’t ye know that Hiram Squires is no more? It aint no subject fer jokin’ er stringin’; ye know he’s dead as well as I do—and a mighty sad Christmas it’ll be fer his poor wife and children, left with a big farm on their hands and none on ‘em able t’ take keer of at.” “You don’t mean to say that Hiram Squires is dead, ‘Hez’?” interrupted Horace Grant, editor of the Weekly Clarion, who had entered at this junc- ture to get the copy for a Christmas advertisement of the “Corner Gro- cery.” “Died less’n an hour ago,” replied the indomitable Davis, illy concealing the gratification he felt at being inter- viewed by the intellectual head of the leading village paper. “Wan't feelin’ well fer a day or two, although I do believe he was in town yistaday—wan’t he Compton?” turning questioningly toward the grocer who was busily engaged in tying up a 50- cent package of light brown sugar for a customer. 7 “Hiram Squires? early yesterday morning. Came to town with a load of hogs. Stopped here on his way back from the depot to buy a calico dress for Mandy. Must a bin mighty sudden.” “So I heerd,” acquiesced “Lying Da- vis,” surreptitiously reaching for a sli- ver from the tail of a cod-fish that pro- truded from a near-by box. “He want feelin’ overly scrumptious though fer a week. I heerd his darter say so as I cum by there jest now from spearin’ up in Dry Run. Been complainin’ of a pain in his appendix and had a cold sweat an’ a bad dream t’other night that wan’t particklarly gratifyin’ fer a man o’ his calibre. T’day he was standin’ by the milk-house churn, stoopin’ over like, fixin’ the crank er something—and all to onct he uttered a faint groan and fell right where he Yes, he was in “A Mighty fine man was Hiram Squires.” eral bite off a slice of black plug and smacking his lips. A suppressed titter rippled about e grocery stove at the prods admin- ed in an evident effort to awaken e frequently dormant sense of lying that, half-comatose, had its home “Hez,” refusing to accept the lenge, merely shook his head sad- ° “This ain’t no time to be tellin’ lies, stood: Pitched forrard in a heap and never knowed a thing! Gasped once arter his wife got there and that was all! A mighty fine man was Hiram Squires. Give money and vegetables U’ th’ poor and always allowed that all his stock could eat wan’t wasted! “Boys,” here Hez cleared his dry and rattly throat with an effort. “Boys, it'll be our turn next!” Deep silence greeted the forecast. “What'd you say about that there spade, Horace?” resumed “Hez.” “Kin I borrer it long enough t’ dig a grave fer Hiram in th’ mornin’? Funeral’s day after termorrer from 2 o'clock.” Armed with the spade, “Lying Da- vis” shuffled out of the grocery, fol- lowed by the editor bent upon learn- ing more of the details for his paper, already being “made up” by the fore- man that an early start might be se- cured for press day. The Weekly Clarion was in the post- office by 10 next morning, and sincere was the mourning for Hiram Sqiures. The merchants, possessed of that hu- man sympathy always uppermost ina rural community, laid aside their busi- ness prejudices and decided to attend the funeral in a body. Despite the fact that the evening of the day of the funeral was Christmas Eve and many trinkets for the Christmas trees in the churches and homes were still unpur- chased, they set out dutifully toward the home of the deceased, six miles west on the Pike road. There were Something more than a dozen vehicles the house—.| urged the horses on over the last mile of the wind-swept way. Slowly .they turned in at the side road that led to the farm home, Editor Grant and fam- ily in the lead. One by one they reined their horses into the farmyard and stopped. The editor was preparing to leap to the ground and Grocer Compton had thrown the robes over the dash-board to liberate his legs, when there arose from behind the barn a series of blar- ing yells: } “Hi there! Gol durn yer blankety blank picture, git inside that pen, will ye? Whoop! Here, you gol darn ig- noramus, what th’ great horn spoons be ve a doin’ there? Spot! Here, Spot, sic °em! Take ‘em! Hi! Hi! Sooey!” Suddenly there burst into view from around the barn a contrary hog, dashing at full speed for the open, followed by a Scotch collie dog— and—yes it was!—it was—Hiram Squires himself! “Gol durn yer blankety blank picture!” in all and the procession was a solemn one. As they rode along through the crunching snow, facing a biting De- cember wind, they spoke softly of the virtues of Hiram Squires. Even his one gross fault, an habitual use of qualifying adjectives, frequently sig- nificant of blasphemy, was forgotten. He was a good man and God rest him! This was the sentiment of brotherly expression voiced by those who had known him best. Nearer and nearer they drew to the snug farm residence where grief, like Niobe, all tears, was domiciled, and where the Black Camel of Death knelt at the gate in mute distress! Meanwhile Boreas and Jack Frost were ripping and biting at the noses and ‘the toes of the mourners as they His face was red with exertion and rage, one mitten was gone and he breathed hard as he swung into full pursuit behind the barking dog! Then, his eye caught the group of open-mouthed spectators, the sleighs and the steaming horses! “Wal, by hick’ry,” he shouted, catch- ing at his breath, “what be all you fellers doin’ here?” There was a deep and eloquent si- lence for a brief interim, during which Editor Horace Grant looked sheepishly into the eyes of Grocer Compton. Grocer Compton shifted his gaze to- ward the pure, white snow and kept his peace. “T reckon we'd best go back t’ town and ask ‘Lying Davis,” said Henry Somers, clambering into his vehicle, “Gidap!” Christmas in Mexico. That Mexico is strictly a fiesta- loving nation is attested by the fact that she has more feast days than cal- endar days, says a writer in the Led- ger Monthly. A celebration that con- sumes two weeks of these feast days is the observance of Christmastide— semi-religious celebrations that begin upon December 17th. The bustle and confusion down in | the plazas and out in the numerous booths and stalls that have sprung up, seemingly by magic, are almost deafening with the voices of persons engaged in Christmas shopping. And not only the cities, but insig- nificant “pueblos” whose inhabitants are too poor to hie themselves to larg: | er places make grand preparations for the throngs that are sure to fill their streets just before Christmastide. And what a_ heterogeneous humanity swarms at the various booths, like so many bees around a hive! Spent Christmas With John Doe. A story written by Dickens while | he was editor of All the Year Round is comparatively unknown. It is call- ed “Christmas in the Company of John Doe.” He says: “It was Christmas eve, and I—my name is Prupper—was taking my walk abroad. I walked through the crowd- ed Strand, elate, hilarious, benignant, for the feast was prepared and the guests were bidden. Such a turkey I had ordered! Not the prize one with the ribbons—I mistrusted that— but a plump, tender, white breasted bird—a king of turkeys. It was to be broiled with oyster sauce, and the rest of the dinner was to consist of that noble sirloin of roast beef and that immortal cod’s head and shoul- ders! viousiy; the plums and the currants, the citron and the allspice, the flour and the eggs. I was happy.” But just then a minion of the law | laid his hand on Prupper’s shoulder and hustled him off to the jail be-| cause he had, in the excitement of getting his Christmas materials to- gether, forgotten to obey a summons to attend at court. Christmas Doe. Santa Claus a Modern Invention. Of all Christmas customs the best known is also the most recent. Santa Claus is a modern improvement. St. Nicholas, it is not to be denied, is a fairly hoary figure, and he has long been known as the patron saint of | Just why is not clear. Prac- | children. tically nothing is known of the good saint except that he died archbishop of Myra in the fourth century. There are one or two legends connecting him with a love and compassion for young people, but there are also leg- ends which cause him to be associ- ated with sailors. He is also claimed as a patron by brigands on account | of an adventure which he is said to have had with a band of freebooters. Lastly, he is claimed by the profes- sion of pawnbrokers, and it is a fact that he is usually represented in me- dieval art with three golden balls in one outstretched hand. A century or two ago there was a custom in Ger- many for all the parents in a town or village to send the presents they de- signed for their children to one chos- en individual, who called at each house clad in a motley robe, a mask and a huge flaxen wig. Knocking on the door he called in a loud voice for I had bought the materials for | all the good children to appéar and re- the pudding, too, some half-hour pre-! ceive the gifts. _ f Thus he spent his | in the company of John Pawpaws. I have picked and eaten the first fruit I ever saw from a grafted paw- paw. In the spring of 1901 I procured scions from J. A. Little of Cartersburg, Ind., and grafted them on a small tree. Last year there were several blos- soms, but a late frost killed them. This year five large specimens ripen- ed, and what seems rather remarkable to me, they softened on the tree be- fore dropping. They averaged nine inches in circumference and about 5 to 5% -inches in length; big, sleek, fat, creamy yellow fruit that were good to look at. On tasting I found the smooth yellow custard of the inside very good in quality, and the seeds few and dark in color. The first of October may be named as the approximate sea- son. This is the “Uncle Tom,” and I think it well worth propagating. Other named varieties have not yet borne with me, so I can make no comparison except with the wild fruit of the creek bottoms. | the general impression that because the pawpaw is usually only found growing on bottom land it will not | succeed in the upland, but this is a nor larger pawpaws anywhere than | those I have found on White oak hills. | | [t is possible that these five specimens the Uncle Tom are the first speci- mens of the grafted pawpaw, as it | does not seem to be generally known at the pawpaw is amenable to graft- g laws in the spring, the same as the | apple or pear. The medical schools | do not teach nor admit that there is a poisonous principle in the | oak. | it, but the books and the professors | do not teach it. Most persons are im- mune, but with a few the poison is nuch more virulent than that of either »ison oak or ivy, and other washes | ides sugar of lead are necessary | to prevent the face from breaking out | in almost a solid mass or sores.—Cor- i respondence in Rural New Yorker. | | News to Grape Growers. Grape growers in the United States {| | y derive a useful hint from a proc- | | ess as yet unknown on this side of the | | water, by which wine-growers in | France are enabled to market fresh outdoor grapes all through the winter, says the American Inventor. The method, which is a recent invention, is both curious and interesting. Bunches of the finest grapes, when | ripe in autumn, are cut in such a way | that to each bunch a piece of the vine five or six inches long remain attach- | ed. From this piece the stem of the bunch hangs—an arrangement which, jas will presently be seen, is essential | to the success of the operation. <A large number of wide-necked bottles, filled with water, are ranged in hori- zontal rows on racks in a cellar, and in the open end of each of these re- ceptables is placed a bunch of grapes —that is to say, the piece of vine-stem is inserted into the mouth of the bot- tle, and the grapes hang outside. The grapes do not touch the bottle, but are supplied with moisture through | the vine-stem, which is immersed in the water. In this manner black Ham- | burgs and other choice table grapes are kept fresh and perfect through an entire winter. | Eastern Trees on Western Farms. | Farmers.in the west that want to | plant trees either for fruit or orna- It seems to be | | mistake, for I have never seen better | pawpaw, | much like that found in ivy and poison | A few backwoods doctors know | For Health and Economy Calumet Baking owder | “Best by Test” | Used in Millions of Homes j Where Bachelors Are Fined. | In Argentina the man who prefers single to duplicated bliss has to pay a substantial and progressive x if | he has not taken a wife by the time he | reaches his twenty-fifth birthday he | must pay a fine of $6 a month into the | treasury; if at thirty e he has not | seen the error of his ways the fine is | increased to $12 a month, and at this | figure it remains for fifteen years. If | at fifty he still keeps from the altar | he is looked upon as hopeless, and the | fine is diminished every year until tt eighty he is exempt.—Chicago Journal. Couldn’t Fool Him. A man who boarded a Madison ave- | nue car at Fifty-ninth street the other | day offered the conductor a Columbian | half-dollar. The conductor returned | the coin with the information that it | was “no good.” The passenger refused | other payment and rode free. Several men who were riding on the rear plat- {form tried to convince the conductor of his mistake. The conductor listened patiently for a while, and then silenced |his would-be informants by remark- jing: “Youse may be all roight, but Oi’ve been in this country goin’ on ate months and no old guy can shove a queer pocket piece on me.”—New York Sun. Doing Great Work. Florisant, Mo., Dec. 19th.—(Special) |—That Dodd’s Kidney Pills are doing |a great work in: curing the more ter- rible forms of Kidney disease, such as | Bright’s Disease, Dropsy and Diabetes, |eve:rybody knows. But it must also be noted that they are doing a still greater work in wiping out thousands | of cases of the earlier stages of Kid- |ney Diseas Take, for instance, Mrs. Peter Barteau of this place. She says:— “T have been subject to pains in my back and knees for about three years, | ment should secure them of western] put since I have been taking Dodd’s | srowers and make sure also that the | | western growers have not purchased hem in the East. A tree grown in the eastern or middle states is not Kidney Pills I have been entirely cured.” Others here tell similar stories. In adapted to the West, as a common! thing, and this has caused much dis-| | couragement in the planting of trees. | |The tree peddler will need to be! | watched. He has the reputation of | hiring himself to a western nursery | | and then, on the sly, sending orders | for eastern trees, from which he can | | | sometimes make a better profit than! from trees grown in the West. The} buyer of trees, if he have not com-| | plete confidence in the tree peddler, | | will find it to his advantage to inci-| | dentally write to the western nurs-| ry from which his trees are reputed | to come and tell them that he has a} lot of trees from them. He can give them this information by asking some} | unimportant question, as “how deep | {should the trees from your nursery | be planted?” He can do this without | | offending the tree agent or letting him | | know that he is getting a “‘check” on movements. beer 557 ap i} Root Rot of Apple Trees. | | In some of the Western states root} | rot is becoming a great source of an-| noyance to the orchardists. It is found quite generally in orchards over five years of age and even in some younger | ones. The disease is, however, of more | frequent occurrence in new land than in old. The disease is most to be met with on poorly drained land, though it is found more or less on any kind of land. The disease is not a product of the apple orchards but exists in our native forests. Thence it spreads to the apple orchards. This is a very important reason for not setting apple orchards on recently cleared land. That the disease is highly contagious is shown by the fact that it will attack an apple tree and spread from it in all directions, killing every tree it touches. The best remedy is to re- move and burn infected trees, not put- ting other trees where the old ones have been. It takes at least three years for the disease germs to die out. fact, in this part of Missouri there are scores of people who have cured the early symptoms of Kidney Disease with Dodd’s Kidney Pills. The use of the Great American Kidney Remedy thus saved not only the lives of Kid- ney Disease victims, but thousands of other Americans from years of suffem ings. Sport. “Have a good day?” “Fine!” “Get lots of birds?” “No, only got onc; but I must have wounded at least a dozen.’—Fort Worth Record. Iam sure Piso’s Cure for Consumption saved iy life three y (rs. THOS. ROBBINS, laple Street, Norwich, N. Y., Feb. 17, 1900. How He Felt. Hungry Harry (as he reaches the point of satiation)—I was starvin’, lady, before I begun on this beautiful Thanksgivin’ meal. Mrs. Handoutte—And how feel now, poor- man? Hungry Harry (equivocally)—I feel as if I'd like ter be starvin’ all over ag’in, lady.—Judge. do you For endiz®, Winslow's Soothing Syrap. ‘or cl ren teething, softens the gums, reduces tm dammation, allays pain, cures wind colic. 25c.bottie. A man keeps better the secrets of others than his own; a woman guards better her own than those of- others. A man can deceive a woman by @ pretended attachment provided he has not elsewhere a real one. TO CURE A COLD IN ONE DAY Take Laxative Bromo Quinine Tablets. All druj [iow refund the money if it fails to cure, E. W. rove’s signature 18 on each box. 2c. Perfection in false teeth and imita- tion typewriting is due more or less to the imperfect appearance thereof. A little petting now and then Is relished by the crankiesf men. ‘ ss