Grand Rapids Herald-Review Newspaper, April 16, 1904, Page 7

WUIDOODOOOOO L] = By Tom Gallon Ai Woman | of Crait Bliss a DDODOOC OOOO OOO ooOoooooooo 7 CHAPTER V. Professor Tapney—Bohemian. There are certain men in this world, of a restless and romantic disposition, framed by Nature in such a mold that they cannot ever take life as the seri- ous thing it is supposed to be.” Such a man was Prof. Daniel Tap- ney, naturalist, taxidermist, and sev- eral other “ists,” all of which he was glad to enumerate at the least oppor- tunity. In person small and slight, his physical weakness was made up for by an enormous head—bald for the most part and with a protuberant fore- head—a head so out of proportion to his body that he had been compared, disgracefully enough, to an overgrown contained gnome. That the head something was obvious from the fact that the professor, in a startlingly erratic fashion, was really a very clev- er man; you would have known that if you had talked to him for but five min- utes. At an early period in his career the professor had espoused a lady with whose charms be had been smitten; and, on the principle that like mates with unlike, and positive with nega- tive,.it must be confessed that Mrs. Tapney was a large lady, given to s and Stoutness, and as slow y-going in disposition as her busband was alert and lively. Prob- ably with the belief that at some pe- riod of her career she would develop into a beauty which should fit a beau- tiful name, her parents had endowed her with that of Diana; and the pro- fessor—worthy man!—fully believed that she deserved it. The result of their union had been a son, who, hav- ing no particular character of his own, wavered, as it were, between. that of his father and that of his mother and was neutral—making up his mind to be furiously energetic one moment, and lolling through life, as his mother did, the next. And for no known rea- son, and to his own infinite disgust as ars went on, they had named this son Absalom. In more prosperous days Prof. Tap- ney had had a small naturalist’s shop in the neighborhood of the London Docks, and had seemingly prospered for a time. But as he found that genial sailormen from abroad brought him all sorts of curiosities and re- quested him to buy them, and never by any chance wanted to buy anything on their own account; and as mothers of sailors and wives of the same brought him parrots and other things that had apparently pined for their late owners and died, requesting him to stuff them and never by any chance called for them or paid for them, the business was not a success financial- ay. The professor had no real right to his title; but be excused its adoption by saying that it was better for busi- ness, and that in the course of the year he really professed a great deal. At the time the professor touches our story matters had reached a crisis with him. Finding it utterly imposst- ble to sell anything, or to méet cer- tain pressing demands for rent and taxes and other necessary things, the professor ‘had hastily collected such personal articles as were the portable property of himself, his wife and their son—and had decamped. Sanguine as ever that he was on the very eve of making his fortune, the professor had cast a longing eye beyond his na- tive shores and had determined to go abroad. “You see, my dear Diana,” the pro- fessor had declared, with his head on one side, and in his most judicial man- ner, “this is one of the things I ought to have thought of before, but, in a busy life, have forgotten. I am a nat; uralist—a taxidermist—therefore my proper place is with Nature. Doesn’t it strike you, my love, as being per- fectly absurd that a man who deals with birds, beasts and fishes for a liveliheod should reside near the Lon- don Docks?” “Really, Daniel, you do put things in such a way that there’s no arguing with you. If only Absalom had half your brains—” Absalom, who was a tall, thin, mel- ancholy-looking youth of about seven- teen, with an ungratified taste in col- lars and neckties, smiled in a superior fashion. “I can’t say that it’s exactly my fault,” he said, with a gloomy shake of the head. “A son should al- ways take after somebody—either mother or father; I’ve never known which of you to look to. Mother lures me, as you might say, to the lighter side of life; father runs to bones, and birds, and stuffing. Perhaps I shall have a better chance abroad.” “We shall all have better chances abroad,” said the professor, quickly. "The only thing is how to gét there.” “There are always ships,” said Mrs. ») Tapney, weakly. “[ believe that is the invariable methed of going abroad,” said the professor, with a smile. “Unfortu- nately, however, shipping companies fhave a curious habit of demanding a large sum of money in order to assist pane to leave one’s native land; and we have no large sum of money. plan has, however, occurred to me which may be of use.” “You're always thinking of some- thing,” said Mrs. Tapney, in a tone of admiration. “If I’d got a head ‘like father’s, I might have a chance to do something in the thinking line! I seem to have gone in more for legs,” said Absalom, slowly. “My plan is this,” said the profes- sor, briskly—‘and I want you to no- tice, my dear Absalom, the plan or rule by which a brain like mine works. In the first place, you have heard me suggest that, in order to carry on my business properly, I should go, as it were, to the fountain head, and so save large prices, and heavy rates, and things of that kind. In a word, I catch my bird or beast, and I stuff it; think of the saving! Now, on the other hand, we have mutually determined— or I have determined for you—to go abroad. Let me.ask you a simple question; when you go abroad, how do you start?” “Well, I suppose by sea,” said Ab- salom. : “Good—by sea. Very well, then,” went on the professor; “following my invariable rule in working out these matters, what is the first thing we have to do?” “Well, to go to the sea, I suppose,” answered the brilliant Absalom. “Excellent—remarkably good!” ex- claimed the professor. “I find, on in- vestigating our stock of ready money, that we have just about sufficient to take us to one of those great seaport towns from whence vessels to all parts of the world start; we will go there, and we will leisurely choose our ves- sel. These things must not be done in a hurry.” “That sounds very nice, Daniel,” said Mrs. Tapney, “but how are you going to get on the vessel without money?” “Ah, my love, you think too far ahead,” said the professor, with an indulgent smile. “One thing at a time, my dear, and we shall do well. Let us advance step by step and care- fully see our way. We will go to Southampton; we will then decide what is best to be done.” So the little professor and his large wife and his long son started, with some diplomacy, for Southampton. Diplomacy was necessary, because cer- tain threats had been made by incon- siderate people who wanted money; therefore a van of the most innocent type, which might have been, under happier circumstances, conveying away stuffed specimens for eager pur- chasers, conveyed instead, under cov- er of the darkness, certain boxes and bags.’ Earlier in the day Mrs. Tapney, after a most affecting farewell to her husband and son, had gone out, bear- ing a substantial basket, as though for the purpose of shopping; Absalom had followed her; and the professor, the last to desert the sinking ship, had strolled out, casually enough, in their wake, smoking a cigar, and dreaming already of those foreign places where he should be able to eatch his bird with his own hands before stuffing it for the market. The shop, with all the labor of many months which it contained, was left to its fate. They reached Southampton in due course; and for a day or two the lit- tle professor might have been seen with his head more on one side than ever, wandering about with a cheerful countenance, watching the great ships thatrcame and went, and evidently a little doubtful in his mind as to which particular one to select. / Meanwhile Mrs. Tapney, while she placed every reliance on the brain of her husband, yet began to think it might be well to stir in matters for herself, especially as on application to the professor she discovered that his stock of money was practically ex- hausted. More than that, the people at the place wherein they lodged were no better than those they had left be- hind in London, in that they demand- ed money in precisely the same. way, although with another accent. The monotony of this beginning to pall on Mrs. Tapney, she consulted Absalom, and received from that youth a prac- tical and common sense reply. “Pop the luggage,” said Absalom, promptly. “One thing at a time, as father says,” he added, dutifully, “and in the present state of father’s brain, he won’t miss the luggage.” The suggestion was adopted, in the sense that, for a little time, they lived on the boxes. Their treasured pos- sessions were removed piece by piece and money was raised upon them; but, in the natural course of events, the boxes grew lighter and lighter. And one unlucky day, while the pro- fessor was watching the shipping, a servant at their lodgings happened to lift a box and found it suspiciously light; tried another, with the same result. Thereafter ,a stormy scene, and smiling confession on the part of Mrs. Tapney. The professor, return- ing home with a vague idea that there might be an opportunity for them to go as a species of superior stowa- ways, faced the disaster, and decided, with his usual alertness, upon an im- mediate course of action. boxes to testify sadly to the credulity of human nature in the form of land- kind as exemplified in the professor. Meeting on a road by moonlight out- side the town-of Southampton, and setting their faces toward the north, the three unlucky people, with all England before them, as the professor once said, started out with a very childlike faith to see what could be got out of it. “This is the kind of thing, my love, that I was born for,” said the profes- sor, waggling his great head: about and staring all round him, as though in search of a bird or beast anxious to be stuffed on the spot. “No more will we be trammelled by streets, and by bricks and mortar; the weather is fine ,and we will make the, most of it. We will set forth in quest of adven- tures, and with an ardent desire to provide successfully for Absalom’s future.” “But what will it be’ like in bad weather?” asked Mrs. Tapney, ner- vously. “My dear Diana, why ask me such a foolish question as that?” asked the professor. “One step at a time, my love; sufficient for the day—and so on. At the present moment we are on good, firm, solid earth; whereas we might have been. tossing on the deep, with dangers from shipwreck, and sharks, and things like that. More- over, there is a fine moon above us, which is infinitely cheaper than lamps or gas, and much cleaner at the price. Let us, therefore, press forward, and, when we are tired, seek repose in Nature’s lap.” ‘ “Not for me, thank you, Daine.,” said Mrs. Tapney, emphatically. “Na- ture’s lap is, apt to be crawley, and I'd. rather be excused.” “Ah, my dear, you have not got the true spirit of the thing in you yet,” said the prof@ssor, pityingly. How- ever, as we have still a little money, we will take our-ease at an inn until that money is exhausted. Never have I felt so light-hearted, or so free from care, as at the present moment.” The professor’s light-heartedness- began to vanish a little as time went on. It being necessary that they should live very, economically, the professor thought it best to regard his small party in the light of persons shipwrecked; and therefore, whimsi- cally enough, portioned out the money he had left’ with much exactitude, in order that it might last as long as pos- sible. The appetite of Absalom being a large one, and that of Mrs. Tapney not falling far short of it, the profes- sor found himself, by the second day, existing, so to speak, solely upon his reputation for brain, which, in the opinion of Mrs. Tapney, did not re- quire feeding. And by the end of this second day the professor found him- self with just sufficient to pay for bed and breakfast for the three of them at a wayside public house of a modest character, and with still nothing done and nothing in prospect. In the clean parlor of the little pub- lic house, with its sanded floor, were two other wayfarers like themselves— an old man, tall and gaunt, and a young woman, strikingly handsome. The professor gathered his smal] par- ty @t one end of the room, then con- sulted Mrs. Tapney as to the cheap- est supper that might be purchased— ultimately deciding upon bread and cheese. “Be consistent, my love—always be consistent,” said the professor, as he gave the order in the lordly fashion he might have done had he been or- dering a banquet. “We have gone to Nature; let us use natural products— especially if they’re cheap. I shall eat my cheese with a relish, because I shall see fair and blooming dairy- maids making it and singing over their work; bread also will have been kneaded by stout, lusty, laughing men, cracking the innocent jest with each other—men who have in all proba- bility assisted to garner the harvest from which the flour is made.” (To Be Continued.) IN LOVE BEFORE FIRST SIGHT. Heard Voice by Phonograph and Will Wed Singer. James Delaney of 307 Manhattan avenue, Jersey City, fell in love with the voice of Miss Emma Laurens of Long Island City before he ever saw her or knew who she was. He will marry her on Easter Sunday. Mr. Delaney heard the voice in a phonograph and immediately started to get acquainted with the soprano so- loist whose notes so charmed his soul. His efforts were aided by the daugh- ter of his host on the night he heard the voice in the phonograph, and his suit was accepted from the first. In accordance with his custom, the Poverty club, of which Mr. Delaney is a charter member, will present Mr. Delaney with $50 when he is married. —New York News. , A Soft Answer. An Irishman was called upon to give evidence in a shooting Affray. “Did you see that shot fired?” asked the magistrate. “No, sor; but I heard it,” replied the witness. “That is not down.” As the Irishman turned to go he laughed, and was rebuked by the mag- istrate, who told him it was contempt of court. “Did yez see me laugh?” “No; but I heard you.” “That is not satisfactory.” And then the court laughed.—Green Bag. satisfactory. Step His Duties. Jaggles—I hear he discharged his press agent for lying. a Waggles—Yes, the man began to write the truth about him—Judge. ladies, and to the wickedness of man- Incandescent Lamp Reflector. How far would it have been possi- ble to advance business methods to- ward their present high standard, and what would be the volume of busi- ness transacted this year, were we still hampered with the candles or pine fagots of our forefathers as a means of lighting. stores, offices and residences? It is the conveniences of the age which have aided most in in- creasing the volume of daily transac- tions in the commercial world to their present enormous amount, and no greater convenience has come to the business man than the method of lighting the desk, office and manufac- turing plant. What would our ances- tors of less than 100 years back have thought of tapping a pair of wires at any point and inserting a little glass bulb, turning a button and obtaining a light better than a dozen of their candles could afford them? To-day it ‘has become such a common affair that we seldom pause to think of the im- provement, but simply take it for granted, as we have learned to do the thousand and one other things which the inventor has placed at our dis- posal. But even this little glass bulb, with its rays of light streaming out all around, is open to improvement. In almost every use to which this lamp is put there is no necessity for the rays which illuminate the space above the carbon film, and this inventor pro- poses not only to shut them out, but to reflect them downward again, where they will increase the brilliancy of the vertical rays. This is accom- plished by the use of the little metal reflector shown in conjunction with the incandescent electric light in the picture. The under surface of this ef ZB Y Z py Increases Power of End Rays. shade is nickel-plated and highly pol- ished, serving to deflect the light rays which have an upward trend. To at- tach it to the lamp, the bulb must be unscrewed and inserted between the adjustable wings above the reflector proper. A. J. Pardridge of Chicago is the inventor. Wind’s Mystery. The meteorologist is gradually di- vesting the wind of its mystery and is able to explain convincingly how and when it originates. The study of a great number of observations taken simultaneously all over the country, and in fact all over two continents, has enabled the expert to foresee just when at night the layers of air near the earth become cooled, and as cool air is heavier than warm air, a law of physics that is generally appreciat- ed theoretically, but usually over- looked practically, this heavy air tends to move down the hillside. The ten- dency becomes after a time sufficient- ly pronounced to produce a general downhill movement, eventually result- ing a perceptible breeze. That is what is commonly designat- ed locally as “the mountain breeze,” and which from its origin is practi- cally in one constant direction, though the intervention of powerful storms may temporarily reverse the custom- ary movement. Vice versa during the day the presence of warmer and there- fore lighter air near the earth causes a movement of the atmosphere with an upward tendency, creating the so- called valley breezes. In certain fav- orably situated localities the appear- ance of the mountain or the valley breeze is as regular as clockwork, the transitional period being marked by a calm.—Philadelphia Record. Alloy That Defies Temperature. Consul Guenther of Frankfort re- ports the invention by Dr. Guillaune of an alloy of steel and nickel which has the useful property of not expand- ing with increase of heat, retaining practically the same volume under all changes of temperature. By altering the proportions of the constituents, a metal is obtained which contracts when heated. The utility of an alloy which maintains an unchanged vol- ume, despite changes of temperature, is very great in making accurate measuring instruments, clocks and watches. The new alloy—called “in- var’—has already been used for pen- dulums and instruments for tropical surveys with excellent results. Science and Health, One-fifth of all deaths during last winter were from pneumonia. It is estimated that in all about 720 tons of ore have been used to produce about one-fifth of an ounce of radium. When lightning strikes a tree the heat generated is sometimes so great that all the sap is converted into su- perheated steam, which explodes, tear- ing the tree to splinters. “Tf we ask a person to estimate the number of stars visible on a clear night,” says Houzeau, “we shall have an exaggerated answer, the actual number being a little over 3,000.” Remember this, that very little is needed to make a life happy. a Plans ; . the Farm. M. McM.—Kindly publish a floor plan for a basement barn, 100 feet long and 40 feet wide, to accommo- date 36 cattle, 8 horses, and to have two box stalls for cattle and two for horses, besides 1 root house, to hold 2,500 bushels, a silo 12 feet square, and a place for manure. How thick should the walls*be and how deep should the foundations be laid? (2). How should the barn be laid out above and how long should the posts be? (3.) The barn ,Will be built cn clay soil, 200 yards from a running stream. Could water be drawn from this stream by a windmill, and what size of pipe should be used? The accompanying plan contains five single horse stalls, two box stalls for horses, 38 cow stalls, and two box stalls for cattle. The manure shed is at the end of building, with a door at ea side wide enough to drive a wagon through to draw the manure out. The root house is under one of the drive-ways, and extends along the side Ground Floor Plan of Stock Barn. A-—Horse stable. B—Feed rooms. C— Cow stalls. D—Passage behind cattle. E— Gutters. G—Box stalls. H—Manure shed, I-—Silo. J—Roothouse. K-—Ventilators. of barn wall towards the cilo. It is 12 by 40 feet and 8 feet high. It should be arched over with concrete and have two ventilators in the arch. These ventilators are used to fill the house with roots, and there should be a window at each end of root house for light. There should also be : cold air pipe coming in near the floor for ven- tilation; the ventilators in the arch answer for the outtake pipes. A root house the size given will hold about 1,500 bushels of roots, as one bushel of roots occupies about 2% cubic feet. Should the root house not be large enough it can be turned with the end to the basement of barn, between the driveway and silo, and making it 20 by 30 feet. and 10 feet high. It would then hold about 2,400 bushels. The silo is placed beside the other driveway and is twelve feet in diame- ter and built round. Silos used to be built on the inside of barns, but of late they are built on the outside, in fact for the last six years I have never built nor seen one built on the inside of a barn. 2. The barn above should have a mow 18 feet wide over the horse stable, then 12 teet for a driveway, then two 20 foot mows and a 12 foot driveway, and then an 18 foot mow over the manure shed. The posts of the barn should be 18 feet long. The stairway will go down inside of the mow, the door opening from the edge of the driveway floor. The hay and straw may be thrown down through doors in the side of the mows in each driveway. 8. You can draw the water from the stream providing you do not have to lift it too much, and a‘1%-inch pipe would be large enough. 4. If the wall is built of stone it should not be less than 18 inches thick; if of concrete one foot is thick enough. The foundation should be put down at least 20 inches and after the wall is completed the soil should be graded up 8 inches higher. This will always ‘keep the ground drier and allows the water to run off and not settle along the wall.—N. B. H. Power from a Running Stream. J. H. H.—What size of stream, and what fall would be required in order to develop four horse power from a hand made® paddle wheel, and also from a turbine? What is the best form of home-made wheel? Fora paddle wheel of good con- struction under a head of thirty feet, 88 cubic feet of water per minute should supply: four horse power, or for a turbine under a head of four feet, 668 cubic feet of water per’ minute would be required to furnish the same power. As the correspondence does not specify any particulars as to amount of fall or size or stream, it is impracticable to answer this question. Ants in an Orchard. A Subscriber.—Please tell me what will kill an ant hill in an orchard. WOMEN BREAK DOWN. ~=qg Sometimes women Is drift into a condition Pius of “half invalid.” Con- CURE tinual languor, all tired out, run down, backache, nerves shat- tered, headache, terri- ble pain, no appetite, poor digestion. In nine cases out of ten it’s be- cause the kidneys fail = to do their work of filtering the poisonous system waste from the blood. The kidneys are weak and need the strengthening help of Doan’s Kidney Pills. Read how these pills repair a weakened physical con- dition when this condition is caused by sick kidneys: Mrs. Sadie Mettles of 394 W. 4th Ave., Columbus, Ohio, says: “Prior to the year 1898 I suffered considerably from backache, pain in the head, lan- guor and depression and weakness of the action of the kidneys. The pain was always worse in the morning, and I felt miserable. I was induced to Procure a box of Doan’s Kidney Pills and I began their use. They proved prompt-and effective. They cured me and there has been no return of the trouble since taking them. I owe all the credit to Doan’s Kidney Pills.” A FREE TRIAL of this great kid- ney medicine which cured Mrs. Met- tles will be mailed on application to any part of the United States. Ad- dress Foster-Milburn Co., Buffalo, N. Y. For sale by all druggists, price 50 cents per box. Hurt Worse. Sympatiifzer—Rejected you with scorn, did she? Told you she wouldn’t marry you if you were the last man on earth?” Forlorn Youth—No; I could have borne that. What she did say was that if I were the last man on earth she might possibly marry me, but she could imagine no other consideration that would induce her to do it. Royal Revenge. “Alas, your majesty,” said her faith- ful retainer, with a low obeissance, “the American senate again refuses to grant your just claims!” Ex-queen Liliuokalani turned pale— relatively pale—but retained her self- possession. “Then,” she said, with a steely glit- ter in her eye and with a tremor of concentrated wrath in her voice, “I shall write another book.”—Chicago Tribune. TheAutomobile in Electric Storms. Some discussion has been going on in regard to the dangers of driving an automobile in a thunder storm. The vehicle containing so much metal, it has been considered that it would be particularly liable to be struck by lightning, and some persons contend that rapid motion would increase this danger. On the other hand, the rub- ber tires insulate the automobile from the earth as long as they remain dry. The question seems to call for a very nice balancing of probabilities ——H. P. Burcell in Leslie’s Weekly. Don’t Wash Your Coffee Pot. It may shock tidy housekeepers to hear it, but the poor coffee one gets in the average household is due large- ly to the washing of the pot. It is plunged in with other pots, in all but exceptional cases, and washed with the common dishcloth. “A coffee pot,” says a cook where coffee is famous, “should never be washed. It should be filled with cold water and left to stand for a few miuntes after using. Then it should be brushed out careful- ly with a long-handled brush, scalded with hot water and left to dry with the lid open till it is to be used again. Coffee made carefully in a pot so treat- ed becomes a nectar, fit for the gods.” ARMY TRIALS. An Infantryman’s Long Siege. This soldier's tale of food is inter- esting. During his term of service in 17th Infantry in Cuba and Philippines, an Ohio soldier boy contracted a disease of the stomach and bowels which all army doctors who treated him pro- nounced incurable, but which Grape- Nuts food alone cured. “In October, 1899, when my enlist- ment expired, I was discharged from the army at Calulute, Philippines, and returned to the States on the first available steamer that left Manila. When I got home I was a total wreck physically and my doctor put me to bed saying he considered me the worst broken-down man of my age he ever saw, and after treating me 6 months he considered my case beyond medical aid. “During the fall and winter of 1900 One of the simplest remedies for the destruction of ants in orchards is to pour into each nest about a tea- spoonful of bisulphide of carbon, after- wards plugging the hole with a small piece of sod pressed down with the foot. The liquid evaporates quickly and the fumes penetrate into all the parts of the nest, destroying all the occupants. Another remedy is to pour scalding water into the nests. ‘Tar Paper ‘on a Roof. G. W. B.—Would a layer of tar pa- per between dry, well seasoned lum- ber and the shingles on a roof tend to rot the lumber? What would the effect be on the lumber if it were green? The tar per being antiseptic in character would tend to preserve the dry lumber; on the other hand it would in a measure delay the drying of the green lumber, and in that way tend to encourage decay in the lum- ber. and ‘01 | was admitted to the Barnes Hospital in Washington, D. C., for treatment for chronic inflammation of the stomach and bowels, but after 5 months returned home as bad as ever. “I continued taking medicine until February, 1902, when reading a news- paper one day I read about Grape-Nuts and was so impressed I sent out for a package right away. “The result is quickly told for I have used Grape-Nuts continually ever since with the best results, my health is so I can doa fair day’s hard work, stomach and bowels are in good con- dition, have gained 40 pounds in weight and I feel like a new man alto- gether. “I owe my present good health to Grape-Nuts beyond all doubt for medi- cal science was exhausted.” Name given by Postum Co., Battle Creek, Mich. ‘ y Had he consulted any one of sev- eral thousand physicians we know of they would have prescribed Grape- Nuts immediately . Look in each pkg. for the famous little book, “The Road to Wellviile.” .