Grand Rapids Herald-Review Newspaper, June 7, 1902, Page 3

ete Breastbone of a Duck, Dr. Robert F. Weir, of the College of Physicians and Surgeone, was describ- ing an operation he had performed for the prose of making a new nose for a man who had lost that more or less ornamental organ. To replace the lost bony framework, Dr. Weir had made use of part of the breastbone of a duck. Th» doctor concluded by saying: “The man was very well satisfied with the result; but I do not think I shall repeat the operation, for the pa- tient pcrsists in speaking of me as his ‘quack’ docto New York Times. The Lady of the Lake. Marie Corelli, in her recent lecture upon “The Vanishing Clift,” pointed to what the Glasgow corporation proposed doing at Loch Katrine, as another evi- dence of the blind utilitarianism of the day. This is what the water trust pro- poses They mean to add another half- million sterling to their present borrow - ing powers for :hr2e and a half millions in order to obtain an additional supply of 10,000,000 gallons of water daily from Loch Arklet, to raise the level of Loch K:trina and other purposes. “Let? Glasgow flourish,” and get gooé drink- ing v r, even though the shades of Lady of former haunts. 1e Lake disappear from That seems to be the mctto of the local water trust. A Cure for Dropsy. North Dakota, June 24.—J. sowemsint THE HUMOR OF LIFE. LITTLE JESTS THAT TEND TO DRIVE AWAY DULL CARE. 4 The Latest and Best Defiuition of a Sociable Man—Why One Little Boy Did Not Fish on the Sabbath — Bless: ‘| ings of Poverty. “wrath Will Out. Sunday School Teacher—I was very sorry to hear, Sandy, that you went fishing last Sundey; you should cer- tainly set a better example: than that. Now, here’s a little boy (turning to newcomer) who does not go fishing on the Lord’s Day. Do you, little boy? Newcomer—No, sir. Sunday School Teacher—Ah! 1 thought as much. One look in that innocent face was convincing. And why don’t you go fishing on Sunday? Newcomer—’Cause there ain’t 79 fishing where I live. Blessings of Poverty. “No,” mused the poor husbandman. “I do not envy the rich. I have np bitter feeling toward those who roll in wealth. My soul harbors nu son of this place has found a|thoughts of malice toward the men who are popularly supposed to revel cure for Dropsy Fer Mr. Hanson himself has |in Juxury.” with Rheumatism of the d Dropsy, and of late has been hat he could not work. uld get helped him in the i he was growing worse and Is, and to his great soon found that the Dropsi- ling was gradualiy going dow1 t the Rheumatism of the Heact iring. He says: © te seven bexes of Dodd's Pills and am feeling better than I have for five years ‘I am to work again, and $f Dropsy or Heart Trouble 3 all use Dodd’s Kidney Life Sentence, Aged Crin 21 (who has just got a life sentence)—Oh, me Lud. I shall nev- er live to do it! Judge (sweetly)—Never mind. Do as much of it as you can.—Punch. Mother Gray's Sweet Powders for Children Successfuly used by Mother Gray, nu in the Children’s Home in New Ye Cures Feverishness, Bad Stom- Teething Disorders, move and reg- ulate the Bowels and Destroy Worms. Over 30,900 At all drug- gists, 2 . Address Allen S. Olmsted, LeR Barely Possible. “Wonder -what makes the funny man look so glum?” queried the horse re- ps he is out of humor,” sug- gested the Snake editor. A HARVEST OF COLDS. Nearly everybody is now suffering from some form of a cold. Tbe best and most reliable remedy known is Cole's Cough Cure. All good druggists, 25 and 50 cents. Alexandra's U que Collection. Queen Alexand has a collection of tiny animals, birds and insects cut out of precious a rare stones. They are, necessarily, very small, and some are extremely beautiful. The collection is quite unique, and the items have come from/all parts of the world. Many of these mcst valuable and dainty treas- ures are cut from turquoise and jade.— Tit Bits. 1am sure Piso’s Cure for Consumption saved my life three year: Mrs. THos. ROBBINS. Maple Street, Norwich, +s Feb. 17, 1900. Seantity Clad. Little Augusta was at the window. “Oh, come, quick. or you won’t see it!” she called, excitedly. “He’s run- ning away!” “What is it, dear?” asked her moth- er. “Why, there’s a horse going down the street with nothing on but his tail!”— Little Chronicle. Why Not Go West. Special summer excursion rates from ell points on the Minneapolis & St. Lou- is R. R., to Denver, Colorado Springs, Pueblo, Salt Lake City, Ogden and Hot Springs, Deadwood, Lead and Custer, in the Black Hi D. On June 22 to 24, July 1 to ug. 1 to 14, 23, 24, 30 and 31, and Sept. 1 to-10, a special low rate of less ;than one-way fare for yeund trip is offered to above points. On Jure 1 to 21, 25 to 80, July 14 to 31, Aug. 15 to 22, 25 to 29, and Sept 11 to 15, a special low rate of one fare plus $2 for round trip to above points is offered. Stop-overs will be granted and final limit of tickets is Oct. 31, 1902. For further information call on local ticket agents or address A. B. Cutts, G, P. and T. A., Minneapolis, Minn. Stops the Cough and Works Off the Cold Laxative Bromo Quinine Tablets. Price25c. A Needle. “It’s impossible to find a needle in a haystack, you know,” said the traveler. “Oh, I don't know,” said the hard- luck man. “If I sat down on a hay- stack, and there happened to be a needle in it, I’d find it, all right.”— Yonkers Statesman. Frozen turkeys, geese, ducks and fowls are being sent in increasing quantities to London from Victoria, Crystallized virtues are apt to be eut- ting rather than Find. When a man lends his influence he rarely gets it back. Mrs. Winslow's Soothing Syrap g, softens the gums, reduces te in, cures wind colic. 25¢ a bottle. The farmer can give you spades~ even if he has no cards to hand out. Hall's Catarrh Cure Is taken internally. Price, 7c. The frivolity of fashion is the soil ia which corruption flourish :s. Here he picked up the stick with which he had been beating the parlor remedies, but }°arpet and resumed operations, say- ing between strokes: “Think—of—having— to — beat —a million—dollars’—worth — of these— n a treatment of dadblamed—carpets—every—spring!” Method in Her Madness. It was not one of those lovers’ quar- tels which are got up for the sake o: enjoying the sweets ot “making it up again,” but a really, genuine affair in which both parties felt thoroughly aggrieved. They parted in anger and next day the lady wrote him the fol- lowing note: “Herewith I return all your pres ents, with the exception of the dia- mond ring, which I shall l:2ep to re- mind me of your meanness and horrid conduct!” A Puzzle Expert. “What a bulging forehead triend has?” “Yes; he’s a great genius at solving puzzles. Gets more prizes than any other man in the business.” “But I don’t see how he can keep himself busy?” “Oh, when he isn’t employed with the regular puzzles he tackles maga- zine poetry.” your Perfectly Satisfied. Papa—tIs the teacher satisfied with you? Toby—O, quite. Papa—Did he tell you so? Toby-—Yes. After a close examina- sion he said to me the other day, “If all my scholars were like you I would shut up my school this very jay!” That shows that I know anough. During the Railroad Suit. “Your honor,” said the lawyer, “my client demands $10,000 damages.” “For what?” “For loss of speech.” “But I thought he merely had two fingers cut off.” “Exactly, your honor! He is a deaf mute!” _ * Like Master, Like Man. “A mule,” said Mr. Erastus Pinkley, “is sho’ one er de meanes’ animals dat walks on feet.” “Das so,” answered Mr. Cassius Colliflower; “but when you considers some o’ de human folks he has to work foh, you can’t blame de mule so much.” A Sociable Man. Small Boy—Pa, what is a sociable man? Pa—A man who, when he has ten minutes to spgre, goes and bothers somebody who hasn’t. . Settling a Mooted Point. The Boston Globe has decided that “An infant in the cradle may be very rich and none the less innocent.” This really ought to reconcile a great many infants to being born just as rith as possible. A Literal Interpretation. “Why do we say: ‘Give us this day our daily bread?’” asked a Sunday school teacher after the lesson. “Because we want it fresh,” as. swered a little girl—Little Chronicle. Money in Quinine, “[’m surprised at his moving to Swamphurst. The place is full of malaria.” “That’s just why he moved there, e’s going to open a drug store.” / | j | j j j Of No Ffrect. “Hi, there, John!” chied the old man from across the field. “Well, what’s the matter now?” “You'll never make no _ headwa; swearin’ at that mule in Greek. Hit him a solid lick or two in plain English!” Then, as he flailed his own mule, he muttered: “These college gradivates is so queer when they gits back to busi: ness!”—Atlanta Constitution. An Economical Parsom “Br’er Williams, all thoo’ de winter season you wuz preachin’ red-hot ser- monts on hell fire, en now dat de spring come you ain’t got a word ter say bout hell fire. How come?” “Br’er Thomas, de wayfarin’ man, do’ mighty foolish, mout er knowed way dat wuz. In de winter season, Br’er Thomas, coal wuz $6 a ton.” Oat of Condition. The boys were fighting when the good man arrived on the scene. “I suppose,” he said, as he pulled them apart, “that this is your parents’ fault. Your training hes been neglect- ed.” “Dat’s right,” said Willie proudly, “if I'd had de proper trainin’ I’d had him out by dis time.” Positive. Proof Etram Hayrick—Are sure Hank’s been to ther city? Cissy Corntassel—Wal, he’s brought a gold brick home with him. you Poor Man! On subjects culinary For magazines she writes; Advice to cookers many With pleasure she indites. In fact, she is so busy Taese duties all to meet, Her husband seeks a restaurant To get enough to eat. Pa Was with Them. “Do you think your father likes me, Mamie?” “I am sure he does.” “What makes you sure?” “Because it was only yesterday he asked me when you and I were going, to be married, as he wanted to live with us.” Untes«. “It's too bad about those crullers you made,” said the new husband, sadly. “Why?” asked his wife quickly. “Well,” replied the husband, “they are too rich to eat, too heavy for life- preservers and too small for quoits.” Art and & “Are you not sometimes downcast to think that you are obliged to ap- ply yourself to art for money?” “Yes,” answered Mr. Stormington Barnes; “but not as downcast as I am when I am applying myself to art and not getting the money.” Au Un >leasant Precedent. “All the members of the English royal family have been vaccinated.” “I wonder if that establishes a precedent?” “What sort of a precedent?” “One which forces the king’s fami- ly to bare arms.” No Novelty About It. “I see that King Edward wore a gray overcoat at the Newmarket races that buttoned through the cloth, there being no fly to it. Novel, isn’t it?” “Oh, I dunno. It has been very gen- erally admitted that there are no flies on Edward.” Faux Pas. Miss Koy (in street car)—It’s really very kind of you, Mr. Crabbe, to give me your seat. Mr. Crabbe—Not at all. We men are getting tired of being accused of never giving up our seats exdept to pretty girs. Plenty of Law. “This seems to be a lawless town,” remarked the stranger. “Lawless,” echeec Rattlesmake Pete. “Wal, now, we hev lynch law, an’ mob law, an’ civic law. No, pard- ner, I wouldn’t call this a lawless town.” Gave Themselves Away. She—And am I really and truly the first girl you ever kissed? He—Do you doubt it, darling? She—Yes, your manner savors of long experience. He—How do you know it does? Biase. Clare—I hesitated to tell you of my engagement for fear you woutdn’t be lieve it. Maud—Nonsense! I’ve got to the point where I'll believe almost any- thing.—Detroit Free Press. fi KIDNEY TROUBLES) Mrs. Louise M. Gibson Says That This Fatal Disease is Easily Cured by Lydia E. Pinkham’s Vegetable Com- pound. “ Dear Mus. Pinxnam :—I felt very @iscour: two years ago, I had suf- fered so long with kidney troubles and other complications, and had taken so much medicine without relief that I began to think there was no hope for me. Life looked so to me, but what is life without health? I wanted to be well. MRS. LOUISE M. GIBSON. “Lydia E. Pinkham’s Vege- table Compound cured me and made me well, and that is why I gladly write you this, and gladly thank you; six bottles was allI took, together with your Pills. My headache and backache and kidney trouble went, never to return ; the burning sensation I had left altogether; my general health was so improved I felt as young and light and happy as at twenty.” —Mrs. Lovise Grsson, 4813" Langley Ave., Chicago, Ill.—gs000 forfeit if above testimontal is not genuine. If you feel that there is anything at all unusual or puzzling about your case, or if you wish confidential advice of the most experienced, write to Mrs. Pinkham, Lynn, Mass., and you will be advised free of charge. Lydia E. Pinkham’s Vegetable Compound has cured and is curing thousands of cases of female trouble. Hungry, but Fastidious. “Lady,” said the wayfarer, “I can’t eat these scraps.” “You cant?” sail the housewife, in surprise. “Why, you just told me you were so hungry you could eat a house.” “Yes, mum; but I meant a porter- house.”—Chicago News. PAT NTS. List of Patents Issued Last Week to Northwestern Inventors. ‘ Ola N. Ahlberb, St. Paul, Minn., milx can: ‘Frank Coombs, Columbia Falls, Mont., combined rule and square: Mat- hais Heggulund and W. W. Reveit, Pierre, S. D., thill coupling; Charles Johnson, Minneapolis, Minn., gang edger; John T. Nelson, Sioux Falls, 5. D., corner support for picture frames; Edward C. Quimby, Minneapolis, Minn., storm sash fastener. Lothrop & Johnscn. patent attorneys, 011 & 012 Ploneer Prers Bldg., St. Paul, Minn. Had Reason to ‘Doubt. “By the way, Miss Quickstep,” said the young man, brightening up a lit- tle “I am awsked to take the part of the foolkiller in 4 charade. How ought I to dress for the part?” Suppressing a wild desire to tell him it would be suicide for him to act such a part, she merely replied. with a de- spairing look at *he clock: “J don’t know, Mr. Longstayer. I don’t believe there is any such person.” —Chicago Tribune. Teachers Will Meet. The National Educational Associa- tion will hold its forty-first annual convention in Minneapolis July 7-11, 1902. This Association held its six- teenth annual convention in Minneapo- lis in 1875, and its thirtieth convention in St. Paul in 1890, At the Minneapolis meeting, in 1875, the Department of Manual and Industrial Education was organized, which has done much in cre- ating and guiding the growth of manu- al training in the schools of the coun- try. The Association now numbers eight- een departments of educational wor' All departments will meet at the Min- neapolis convention, excepting the De- partment of School Superintendence, which meets in mid-winter. These depariments represent every phase of educatioral work, as Kinder- garten, Blementafry, Secondary, Col- lege, Normal Schools, Art, Music, Man- ual Training, Business, Child Study, Physieal Training, Science Instruction, School Administration, Library, Edu- cation of Defective Classes, Indian Ed- ucation, and the National Council of Education. The programs of the approaching convention present over two hundred tcpics for discussion by eminent edu- catdrs, representing every section ot | the Union. It is estimated that not less than 10,- 000 visitors wiil attend the convention, most of whom will spend the remain- der of their vacation in Minnesota or at points beyond. All railway lines of the United States have made a rate of one fare for <he round trip, plus $2.00 membership fee, with privilege of extending tickets for erturn until September Ist. Side-trio rates of one fare for the round\trip will be granted for a certain number of days following the convention to points in Minnesota, to the Great Lakes, the. Rocky mountains and the Pacific Coast. Complete Program-Bul- Jetins will be sent to any address upon application to Secretary Irwin Shep- ard, Winona, Minn. France will spend $56.000 on repairs at the palace of Versailles during the year. $20 A WEEK AND EXPENSES to men with rig to introduce our Poultry gooas. Sendstp. Ji le Qiig.Co..bept-D,Pursons, Kan. It matters not what your ancestors were—it is what you are that counts. It 1s easier to recover lost money than lost time. % mms Woodward & j ORDERS FOR FUTURE DELI fn Fee ; SKIN TORTURES — And every Distressing Irritation of Skin and Scalp Instantly Relieved by a Bath with @ And a single anointing with CUTICURA, the great skin ‘cure and purest of emolfients. This treatment, when fol- lowed in severe cases by mild doses of CUTICURA RESOLVENT PILLS, to cool and cleanse the blood, is the most speedy, permanent, and economical cure for torturing, disfiguring, itching, burning, bleeding, scaly, crusted, and pimply skin and scalp humours, with loss of hajr, ever compounded. Millions of Women L* CUTICURA SOAP, assisted by Cuticura Ointment, for preserving, purifying, and beautifying the skin, for cleans- ing the scalp of crusts, scales, and dandruff, and the stopping of falling hair, for softening, whitening, and soothing red, rough, and sore hands, for baby rashes, itchings, and chafings, in the form of baths for annoying irritations and inflammations, or too free or offensive perspiration, in the form of washes for ulcerative weaknesses, and many sanative, antiseptic purposes which readily suggest themselves to women and mothers, and for all the pur- poses of the toilet, bath, and nursery. CUTICURA SOAP com- bines delicate emollient properties derived from CUTICURA, the great skin cure, with the purest of cleansing ingredients and the most refreshing of flower odours. It unites in ONE SOAP at ONE PRICE, the BEST skin and complexion soap, and the BEST toilet and baby soap in the world. COMPLETE EXTERNAL AND INTERNAL TREATMENT FOR EVERY HUMOUR, Consisting of CurICURA Soap, 25c., to cleanse the skin of crusts and scales, aud soften the thickened cuticle; CuTICURA Ort. ~ MENT, 50c., to instantly allay itching, inflammation, and irritation, and soothe and heal; and CuTICURA RESOLVENT PILLS, 25c., to The Set, GI °° cleanse the blood. A SINGLE Ser ts often sufficient to 7) cure the most torturing, disfiguring, itching, burning, and scaly skin, scalp, and blood humours, with loss of hair, when all else fails. Sold throughout the world. British Depot: 27-28, Charterhouse 8q., London. French Depot: 5 Rue de la Paix, Paris, POTTER DRUG AND CHEM. CorP., Sole Props., Boston, U. 8. A. Currcuna Resotvext Prius (Chocolate Coated) are a new, I substitute for the celebrated liquid Guricuna KbecLvEKt, as Wellae feral other biood paritises and humour cures. Each pill is equivalent to one teaspoonful of liquid ReeoLveNnT. Put up 10 screw-cap pocket vials, containing 60 doses, price, 25c. CuricuRA PILis are alteral antiseptic, tonic, and digestive, and beyond question the purest, sweet ost successful economicaj blood and skin purifiers, humour cures, and tenlo digesttvea rel Somponwhed. A FORTUNE A GUESS IN_ 1000 CASH PRIZES, to those making the nearest correct estimates of the total Postal Revenue of the United States for the year ending June 30, 1902. First Prize $5,000; Second $2,000; Third $1,000 FORMAT To aid in forming your estimates, we furnish tne VALUABLE ANCOR Me btatied direct from the Post Oplee Departmentat Washington, D. C., giving the gross or total revenue of the department for each and every year from 1807 to 1901 inclusive. The fractional part of a dollar is not considered. The Total Revenue of the Post Office Department for the year 1897 WAS $82,665,462, 1898 WAS 89,012,618, INCREASE 7.68 PER CENT 1899 WAS 95,021,384, INCREASE 6.75 PER CENT 1900 WAS 102,354,579, INCREASE 7.72 PER CENT 1901 WAS (11,631,193, INCREASE 9.06 PER CENT ‘The Total Revenue for the first half of the year was $58,876,016, What will the ‘Total Revénue be at the end of the fiscal"year, June 30, 19027 Send your estimate and 12c in postage stamps to the PRESS PUBLISHING ASSOCIATION, DETROIT; MICH., and we will send you a copy of our Cata- logue, and a certificate which will entitle you to share in the PRESS PUBLISHING ASSOCIATION, Detroit, Michigan 1 Reckon fhe ‘S REVENUE of the POST OFFICE DEPARTMENT the year ending June so? 1902 will be $120.000,.000. a) in ure i will HAMLINS WIZARD-OIL -RHEUMATISM Gies Ginisa SEND FOR OUR FREE ct OF BASE iaSancatiRes, RAB Seeing Ane: suuuen SPORTING ‘Goous. wach Reece eRe anus co. urns at pacn ant chara will bon0 4 . Don’t wait KANSAS CITY, ieuty. 25 od So oenis by all Grassi, ESTABLISHED 1879. x