Grand Rapids Herald-Review Newspaper, January 13, 1900, Page 7

noms The CAs | | .“errible The Arnewood Mystery | BY MAURICE #. HERVEY. Author of ‘Dead Man's Court,’’ ‘“Somerville’s Crime,”’ “‘Dartmoor,”’ etc., etc. ‘*Maravin’s Money,’’ o oe oe o oe OOOO leave, stationed f CHAPTER VII. “Wha ut poor B he replied. “My regiment is at Aldershot, and when I'm (Contin shaw tured to quire, w in town I put up at Lang’s, in Jermyn down to ¢ rs and street. I use my club, though, chi¢tly “Oh, he’s all right,” was the calm re-} for my correspondence.” ply. “He's a novice at the busine I made 2 note of the address given, and must learn to rough it. Te’s well | and awaited his further pleasure. But, supplied with funds, and has nothing | beyond reiterating his determination » Arnewood's lust movements on e (in view of his avowed con- { to do except to keep these two chaps | io have the mystery of his cousin's | under observation for day or two, | death solved, at any price, and appeal- | und nsifrier amd savihi ing to me .almost pathetically, to do | and to notify me should anything of | ing to me .almost pathetically, to do | importance crop up. [rather fancy he had but little more to } that bath-room steward knows, more y moment. Somewhat to my | } | | be than he pretends. I don't like | tempt fer the police) he asked me for a bis manner, and 'm always suspicious | line of introduction to Inspecter Traill. of a man who has been in trouble be- “You need not be jealous,” he “TD have no wis But Itshould like to pretty certain is the case | marked, drily, him against you, What of his companion?” stir him up a bit, and he may be useful “A mere bre and a sulky one at] in the matter of the reward.” was his verdict; “but I saw; “Perhaps so,” I assented, curtly, feel- ing wrong about hii.” It was net > to teach an experienced detect- s own business, and I said no ing a sudden and wholly unjustifiable jealousy of the inspector. However, I | worded the introduction as nicely a Tj more. But Il had noticed that Blogg | could, and Captain Arnewoed took his | fwas “ike most working engineers, very | departure strong look . with the largest and I utilized the luncheon hour by pay- grimiest pair of hands that I had ever | ing a visi Hawkins and placing seen: and I bethought me of the marks | him in possession of recent occur- imprinted upon the thr and collar | rences. He expressed his entire sati of the murdered man. It was not a} faction with the turn events had tak- | Rogical suspicion to entertain against | en, and especially with the outcome of 1 could not banish | Captain Arnewood’s visit. “This Arnewood business has alread proved a very profitable one, he r varked, in his quiet, business-like w “but it seems like ly now to develop in to perfect little gold-mine. Given Dlanche from a rich client, in a} him, but, scmehow, from my mind. | | | | % CHAPTER VIII. Captain Arnewood Stirs Us Up. flariy in the forenoon next d ng unlimited inquiries and | éard s brought to me in my priv why, the thing speaks for it- office, with a request for an interview j * epee tipon urgent business, A glance at the PUES PED 58 I, assented: put please remember th pasteboard revealed the fact that my} yote nyself in real Ss visitor was Captain Richard Arne- | cut C; n Arnewood’s wishes, I shall wood, of the Ninety-first Fusileers, and } have very little time to deyote to other of the Junior Naval and Military Club, ic aecnioanane ene have been ‘ > f ; 3 Fi s have bee pretty | and I ordered the clerk to admit him} ¢yy.y a Pretty forthwith. , “T know ut.” he rejoined, with a A tall, slight, somewhat sickly-look- | kindly s nd I am not likely to fing man, his prelimi greeting did forg: t it. Let me see, now. The trou not give me a very rable opinion | ble is that you cannot find time for this Arnewood aff he | ef other wo be eased, th s you are eased well; you must Collins must take ave of either his tact or good- breeding “Can you explain this message demanded sruptly; at the same time is all. thrusting a telegram into my hand, “[| your place, best he ean, for the pres received it twenty miutes ago at the | ent: just as he would have to suppos- club.” ing, say, you broke your leg. Well, 1 give him an extra correspondence “Yeur cousin Luke returned, but be- | clerk. I feel quite well enough now te lock in for g and IT dare hour or so daily myself, lieved dead and foul play suspected. y you'll find time to do the Call on Hawkins & Co., Exeter street, Strand, for de same, I see ‘no real difficulty, if we ali | “O'Brien & Grudgery.” | do our bes | = Neither did I, under the proposed “Yes,” replied, after reading this conditions, for Collins (my right-hand terse dispatch, “but it will take some i though more methodic than little time. Pray be seated. 4 nt, v thoroughly reliable and Not he. He stalked up and down the] Well posted in the details of the busi- room like a caged hyena, while I na ness. I, accordingly, expressed my full rated the story of Luke Arnewood’s re- | CeLcurrence with my chief's proposal turn and terrible fate clearly and| “That's right.” he said, cheerily. briefly as I could. He appeared to be | “And now I don’t mind telling you that reatly agitated by the recital; indecd, | POthing would please me more than te his emotion struck me as rather exces: see you come out on top of Scotlind ive, consider’ that he had never} Yard in t business, Of course, J seen his late cousin and would benefit no ill-will to your friend, Inspect- | so greatly by his death. nill, who, I make no doubt, is an “It is awful!” he almost moaned. lent fellow as well as a most effi- “Poor fellow! Just as he was about to t officer. if we are going to ze this case, we can’t afford to supply the Yard with clues and hints, as we have been doing hitherto. After all, success would mean far more to us, from a business point of view, than te upon his inheritance, upon the sry day of his arrival in England—to | be murdered by some common footpad for the doubtle of such valu- ables as he may | about him! +9 Mr. sake, It is a terrible b Traill.” “Very terrible, indeed, I assented, “You forget the £5,000 reward,” 1 grave “But such crimes are, unfor- | SUsested, drily, “Well, even that amount would fit “Yes,” he replied, bitterly nd five; Just as comfortably in your pocket as times out of six the criminal eludes | his.” ned. “But Twas thinking apture. If it hes taken the London tunately, of frequent occurrence. « police all this time merely to identify quiry Aronia we get ates of the man they found strangled in Soho | the Crimin: Tuvestigation Depart- and even that with outside help), the | Ment. It would place us at the top of odds mu: be long, indeed, against the profession. But there! with Collins, and tell him he mete pect to see me to-morrow afternoon.” I duly carried out my instructions. Mr, Collins was highly pleased with his temporary promotion, the extra clerk Was engaged, and when the office was cosed that day I felt that my chance had come at last, fheir finding the murderer. A theorizing asses!" “Gently. if you please.” I protested, “If you will be at ihe pains of thinking out the facts of the case a little calm- dy, you will perhaps alter your wie _"” ck of he interrupted, almost an grily. “I have heard and seen tog “much of the police. and their methods for that! But I most certainly do not fintend to let my unfortunate cousin's slayer escape, if any effort on my part wean prevent it. And my first move will ibe to offer a reward of £5,000 for his ‘capture. How does that strike you “As an entirely admirable idea,” I r plied. “The authorities are. I believ ‘about to offer £100 in the usual w CHAPTER IX, Five Thousand Paunds Reward. The thing that first impressed me, in ay interview with Mr. Hawkins, was his pertinent remark that the police had been indebted to us for every clue liscovered, so far. This was quite true. and ssess exceptional means | “84 most certainly if Scotland Yard of giving publicity to rewards, I would | Succeeded in running the criminal to suggest your placing the sum you have named in the hands of the Chief Com- missioner of Police.” es.” he said, after a pans though distrustful of the force even as advertising agents, “there can be no harm in that. [ will do so. You are perhaps aws ‘my soli I’s ageni, that T am heir-at-law to the murdered earth, Hawkins & Co. (including my- self) would share in neither the credit attached thereto nor in the reward, 1 might, indeed, come to an understand- ing with Traill, regarded the re- ward, by continuing to work with him; but no share in the kudos attendant upon a successful issue would ever be mine. As well might a corporal expect to share in the honors accorded. a vie- toricus general. Moreover, my orders, alike from Mr. Hawkins and from our client, Capt. Arnewood, were to work independently of the police. Therefore, even had my own judg- ment favored a continuance of my con- nection with Traill, I had no option but to sever it and work alone. I could not. however, brook the idea of leaving him in the dark as to my intentions: and I, accordingly, dropped him a friendly line, explaining my change of plans, ahd warning him frankly that he must henceforth regard me rather as a rival than as an ally. Doubt. less he weuld think that the big re- ward offered was the mainspring of my suddenly-revived activ: but what did that matter? One conviction had forced itself upon me with peculiar foree: I must make * L replied. of che “family hi “Then you will unde affair has ma me a rich man,” he continued, “and that I deem ita s ed duty to spare neither effort nor expense to bring the as in of my unfortunate cousin to . I am satisfied from what you have told me, ts well as from my lawyers’ refer- ence, that I cannot do better than leave the matter in the hands of your —irm. wy only stipulation being that you pursue your own independent in- juiries rather than trust blindly to the lice.” I felt a sudden gust ef sympathy to- vards this sickly soldier, whose n- or had at first repelled me. V he % affording me the very chance T iged for, of taking a personal share eb know something the solution of the preblem IT had un- dertaken the sole end and aim of all my thoughts, The morning journals had been silent as to the identification of the victim of “You ma. our best. < if you re: ‘Only = acce rely upou it that we shall [ made answer. “May I ide in London?” sionally, when I'm on ee ee | het dis ‘of his leaving the ship. | ticipatiors. | received,’ the Soho tragedy (as it was stilt called.) Doubtless the police, despite Traill’s dry hint to Mr. O'Flynn, had seén fit to withhold the discovery from the press for a time. But the evening papers had been informed, and, as usual, made the most of so sensational an item. What keen wits some of these para- graph writers have, if only they would refrain from so persistently overrating the resources at the disposal of the po- | Perhaps the clevyerest comment- ‘y was that which appeared in the “Evening Express;” at all events, T did ain to study its suggestions. “The Soho Tragedy—We learn that the identity of the victim has at length been established as that cf a saloon | passenger from New Zealand, by the Union Steamship company’s Wairoa, | which only reached the Southwest In- dia docks upon the morning of the 19th ult. “The corpse, it will be remembered, was discovered in a Greek Street lodg- ing house early upon the 20th ult.; so that the unfortunate man was mur- dered well within twenty-four hours ile proves to bea Mr. Luke Araewood, grandson and boiz af.the e Mr Ba Arnewood, heir of the e Mr. Basi an Irish gentleman of good social posi- | tion and large means; and he had, it seems, returned from New Zealand for | the purpose of entering into possession | of his inher’! nee. “The police, as usual, are somewhat reticent as to what further clues 1 be in their possession, but are sanguine of a successful issue to their efforts, Of course they always are. We may, however, be pardoned if we refust to e too strongly in these hopeful an- Despite the unrivalled communication at their | failed signally tu network of command, they have race the missing lodger, Webb, in whose room the cor found. Up to within a few hours ago they had failed to identify the murdered man; and, more likely than not, their present partial suce 2s been due to some scrap of ‘information received.’ “Now, we hold that the detective de- partinent reli 1 great deal too much upon the old stand-by of ‘information especially in cases (like the present) where it is almost certain t the crime was not the work of profe: sional law-breakers. Unless we are to assume that Luke Arnewood, upon landing, fell straightway into the hands of some of the bad characters who haunt the neighborhood of thie | docks—an assumption scarcely con ent with the discovery of his body in | Soho—then the probabilities are that he was decoyed to his doom by some person on the lookout for his arrival; and that person would assuredly take possible precaution to prevent movements being subSe- few hours will, ‘ide that point. quently t however, ¢ “If Luke Arnewood quitted the docks with his. luggage, by ° the ordinary means of porters and a cab, then evi- dence to this effect will be speedily forthcoming. If not, the chances are that. preparations had been made be- forehand to get him and his belongings vay, in the bustle of landing, without l help. .We incline to this latter be- and harbor a conyiction that, if the murderer is brought to justice, it will certainly not be by means of the old ‘information received’ formula.” 1 confess that the perusal of that paragraph took me down several pegs in my own estimation. It was written, certainly, upon very inexact informa- ad probably in haste. Yet how the situation had been sum- And, thinking the matter out, the belief gained upon me that the writer’s ingenious surmise was cor- reet, and that the murder was, indeed, the outcome of a prearranged scheme. | If so, then the momentous question | arose: Who would be likely to devise a plot so foul against so utter a strang- er as Luke Arnewood’ Revenge, or lust of gain, is at the bottom of most murders. Revenge seemed out of the question in the present case, because the victim knew no one in England. Jain it might very well be. The tray veler had refused all financial aid from J Brien & Grudgery as unnecessary. tly med up! He had, perhaps, brought a large sum | with ts and, apart from rd reflection arose that one man, least, would benefit very greatly indeed by Luke Arnewood’s death{i—the very man who vas offering £5,000 reward for the dis- overy of his cousin‘s murderer! Captain Arnewood the culprit! Was the thing possible, conceivable? It was, certainly, somewhat staggering, but my experience as an inquiry agent had taught me that a thoroughly un- scrupulous, selfish man. or woman, will stop at nothing, providing the risk of detection appears to be small. Was Captain Arnewood such a man? Im- possible, of course, for me to form any opinion of his character upn the strength of one short interview. First impressions are, I believe, more often right than wrong, and he certain- ‘y did not impress me favorably witu lis opening words and jerky, nervous manner. True, [I had subsequently wodified my original opinion of the man; but this, as I now realized, had been due more to gratitude for the prospects opened out to me by his of- fer than to any deliberate revulsion ot feeling. As to his offer of large reward, that seemed equally consistent with either innocence or guilt. It was just the sort of thing a high-minded, generous man would do on the spur of the mo- ment and as a vent for his feelings. But it might also suggest itself, to a guilty man, as an excellent proof of in- nocent sympathy; for what criminal would, of his own free will, bribe the sleuth-hounds of justice to hunt him down? None, assuredly, except an un- usually audacious and self-confident villain would deem the credit to be gained worth the added risk to be run; but such a villain might so view the matter, and Captain Arnewood might so view the matter. At all events, I} made up my mind to inquire carefully into his antecedents, and to see a good deal of his society, if I could manage it. I was something more than curious to learn how he got along with Traill, who would be likely to resent, pretty warmly, any such criticisms of the po- lice as I had been favored with. Six o’clock would, I reflected, be a likely hour to find him in his rooms, and to Jermyn street I accordingly went at that time. “Not in,” was the reply at Lang's, but ‘almost certain to return shortly to dress for dinner. Would I wait in his sitting room? Yes, I would wait; and of money his, the was duly ushered into a well furnished: apartment upon the first floor, commu- nicating With folding doors with a bed room at the back. My attendant seemed to be a superior sort of “boots,” with a flavor of the valet thrown in. He was disposed to be talkative, and I prefited by the opportunity to ask him a few questions. “Captain Arnewood told me I would probably find him here or at his club,” I remarked. “And I understand he is more often in town than with his regi- ment at Aldershot.” “Well. sir, 'd scarcely go so far as to say that,” he replied, “but he certainly does come up pretty frequently. He's had these rooms for more than two months now, right on end, though, of course he hasn't cecupied them all the time. Let me see—he’s been here this trip since the first of the month, and I hadn't set eyes on him since the night of the great fog, last month.’ “I remember * IT said, with an en- couraging nod. “On the 19th, wasn’t itt Quite so, A very bad fog, indeed, I hope Captain Arnewood was not out in it.” “T can’t say as to that,” was the re- nlv: “but he didn’t sleep here th ply; “but he didn’t sleep here t night, and was off to Aldershot next ufore I came on duty. I remem- ut night particular. ‘cos of the n®Greek street. Bad business, * I assented, clear the man had not yet seen an evening paper, and I saw no reason why [ should supply him with the lat- est news. So I altered my attack into inquiries, rather insinuated than put, coneerning the captain's habits, te perament and general characte The verdict, upon the whole, tinctively favorable. He was irregular in his hours, like most bachelors, but was never the worse for liquor, and al- ways remembered the night porter. He was crotchety and often cross, but very rarely downright ill-tempered. He was fond, occasionally, of punting upon a winner, and would pay liberally for a really good “tip.” And so forth. A counterpart, apparently, in most re- specis, of hundreds of other leisured gertlemen, residing within a furlong of Piccadilly. In due made his my apology he expr any and “Tam a ed for time this evening, though, he added, “‘as I've got back late and Ym dining at Earl's Court. So, be as brief as possible.” course, Captain Arnewood ance, and, in reply to sof my cal, readiness to see me at I rejoined. Inspector Trail “Confound Inspector Traill and all his tribe! he broke in, impetuously. ‘He, first of all, asked me for a written statement of my proposal, and then discovered that the offer of the reward must reach the Commissioner of Police through the Home Office! A pretty sample of red tape, isn’t it? He thought that, with the Home Secreta- approval, the matter could be ar- ranged within a week! A week! An- other week's grace for my poor cous ¢ in’s‘assassin! Of course, I declined to consent to any such monstrous delay, and I drove to the nearest printing of- fice my catsan could discover. There I put in an order for 10,000 posters and 100,009 handbills, and I even waited for some proof copies of the handbills. Here’s one. Keep it. No week's delay about that, is there?” “No,” said I, “there certainly isn’t.” The man’s jerky, tornado sty! bewildered me. Could this w rabid eagerness to avenge a #ousin he had never seen, and whose death had enriched him, be genuine? “Can you see me early to-morrow? he went on, excitedly. “Yes? Well, come at ten. We can talk matter yr quietly and fix our plans, You'll excuse me for the present, won't you? Thanks. A de- maint “Good-evenin be here to time.” (To be Continued. — oy and breakfast with me ov! I rejoined. “I shal WASTED HEROISM. Incident of a Fire in a New York Fireworks Establishment. When, early on Saturday morning, & fire broke out in a building on Park place, New York. of which the lower part is occupied by the Jubilee Fire- works company, there was consterna- tion among the people in adjoining and adjacent buildings, and firemen hustled as they had never hustled before to avert 2 serious explosion. Some of the boxes containing Roman candles, rock- e wheels, bombs, mines, torpedoes, ete., ete., were carried out: others were deluged with water until everything 2 sight and out of sight was soaked. “he fire was extinguished before it ceed that part in which the fire- works were stored. When it was all out, Supt. Newkirk, of the fireworks company, made his way through the crowd and was informed of the bravery of the firemen, who. at the peril of their lives, had worked so hard to prevent an explosion. “Just im- agine what would have happened if we had not poured hundreds of tons of water on these fireworks,” said one of the firemen. Then spoke the superintendent, say- ing: “These things which you see are uot fireworks. They are dummies, made of wood and covered with col- ored paper. which we keep to show customers in place of samples. We don't keep fireworks in this building. There isn’t an ounce of powder in this establishment.” And the things which the firemen then said. when they heard of what the superintendent had related, made the air for a brief time as sulphurous as it would have been if the explosion which the firemen feared had actually taken place—Albany Evening Journal, A Sly P Scene—Country road at dusk; a lass with a pail of milk and a young man with a tub under his arm and a pig over his shoulder. Lass—O James, I do be afeared! James—What you got to be afeared for? Ain’t I with ye? Tass—O James, I be afeared you be going to kiss me! James—How can I kiss you with this pig and tub in the way? Lass (tearfully)—I was a-thinking you could put the tub down, and the pig under it!” And the ant was taken—Spare Mo- ments. BOERS AS 8 FIGHTERS. NO MUSIC AS THEY ENTER IN THEIR BATTLES. But They Sing “Old Handred” in Solemn Measured Tone — Their Two Great Allies in Their War with Great Britain. There are no bands in the Boer armies. The farmer soldiers of the two republics make or receive charges in silence, their minds intent upon aim end upon strategy. If it is a charge, they advance in a scattered and what seems to be a confused manner. In reality it is only the Boers’ natural or- der,.in which they fight best. A retreat looks like a rout, because each man tries to save himself as quickly as pos- sible. A rout is almost impossible, be- cause the farmers do not understand how to “lose their heads.” They scat- ter,and when a place of safety has been reached, they come together again as if nothing had hannened. writes a cor- if nothing had happened, writes a cor- respondent familiar with their meth- ods. While they have no martial mu- sic, in the ordinary sense, they have martial music of the most impressive kind, in the extraordinary sense. Each night before “turning in” and each morning before breakfast, and also be- fore going to battle, if there is op- portunity, the entire army, with heads uncovered, joins in singing “Old Hun- dred.” Each note is prolonged six beats and the effect is solemn and even awful, so much of resolution, of stern and relentless resolve, do they put into the singing. The two strongest points about this practically ununiformed and strangely organized Boer. army are both individual—the individual ability of the Boer at strategy and his indi- vidual ability as a sharpshooter. The favorite topic of conversation among the Boers has always been how best to meet the British when they come to destroy the republics, how to fight the great defensive war which every Boer has felt sure would inevita- bly come. The plans that are being carried out and will be carried out are the result of years upon years of study of the situation by the burghers of all ranks, consulting together upon the stoops of their thatched houses of evenings. The Boer is a natural strat- egist, wily, crafty, hard to corner,quick to seize the slightest advantage, quick to see advantage where even trained soldiers of other nations would fail to se it. The Boers are armed with the Mann- iicher gun, and, as is generally known, are excellent marksmen. President Kruger has been buying these arms in large quantities ever since the Jame- son raid and the practical failure of the British to punish the raiders. Gen. Joubert took me into a storehouse at Pretoria filled with thousands of these rifles. “Isn't it a beauty?” he said, picking up one of them and patting it affectionately. “At twenty yards it will shoot through fifty inches of pine.” The Mannlicher bullet travels with a velocity of 2,000 feet per second. At 4,000 yards it will pierce two inches of solid ash and three inches of pine. At 1,000 yards the bullet, if it does not flatten, will bore a hole right through a bone without splitting. This rifle has a barrel thirty inches long, and weighs eight pounds. Its caliber is 30. It is hair-triggered, has a pis- tol grip, and the Boer carries it slung over his shoulder by a strap. In the last two years the country- men have been putting away the old smooth-bore and providing themselves with the Mannlicher. In killing game they use a bullet of which the lead point is exposed so that it “mush- rooms” when it strikes. On entering the bullet expands and tears an ugly hole. If it strikes sidewise, the effect is horrible. Sorry He Said It. There are so many things in this wicked world we would rather not have said. Mean things, spiteful things, un- feeling things, reckless things, which trickle over the lips before we can realize it. An estimable man in town has a wife who is a good woman, though she can never be a candidate at a beauty show. He admires her, however, and as he is the one to be pleased, her lack of loveliness is a small matter. One day he was talking with some friends about his disposi- tion. “No,” said he, candidly, “you rarely see me get worked up, nervous and cross. I am the easiest person in the world to please.” ‘One glance at your wife shows that,” replied a dear friend, who is the soul of politeness, and who, poor wretch, really meant to imply she did not have the looks of a nagged or brow-beaten. woman, and must get on easily with him. But, oh, it didn’t sound that way, and that man would gladly have given $10 dewn for a hole in the ground just about that time.—Louisville Times. Nervous Prostration Defined. “Won't you tell me what is really nervous prostration?” queried a man of a woman. “I hear of this one of my acquaintances (chiefly feminine) and of that being victims of this fashiona- ble disease, but I have not the slight- est idea what the symptoms are.” “I! do not know how to describe it ex- actly,” she answered. “It is when you order a poached egg for breakfast, for instance, and they bring you a fried one, and you burst into tears; or when you go into hysterics because the cook sends you word she wants a new sauce- pan; or when you consider your hus- band an unfeeling brute, because he tells you to cheer up and asks you to go to the theater. These, or something like them, are the premonitory symp- toms; the next stage is mild lunacy.” There can never be a fat life on a - lean soul. Giving Way to Her Elders. Miss Oldie—Ktissing under the mistle- toe is a very ancient custom, Carrie Dash—Of course, dear, I couldn’t contradict you as to that— Philadelphia North American. England’s Armored Trains. The magnificent armored trains used by England in her war with the Boers will protect her troops in about the same way that Hostetter’s Stomach Bitters drives dyspepsia from the hu- man stomach, and then mounts guard that it does not return. The Bitters has won in every case of indigestion, constipation, liver and kidney “trouble for fifty years. Cranial ‘posure. “T wish I knew,” said Mr. Tueker, “how I caught this cold.” “Didn’t you get a bad cold when you changed your underclothes last spring, paw? Y”? asked Tommy. I believe f did.” s cold's in your head, ain’t it bis paw?” “Yes,” “I guess you got it by changing your mind.”—Chicago Tribune. te ’Broof O) the Paddin . is in the Eating.”” It és not what we say, but what Hood's Sarsaparilla does, that tells the story. Thousands of people give the proof by telling of remarkable cures by Hood's Sar- saparilla of Scrofula, Salt Rheum, Dys- pepsia, Catarrh, Rheumatism, and all other blood diseases and debility. 9 First Circus Tambte. “Did you ever hear of the joke which got Dan Rice, the most famous of alt cireus clowns, his first job under the ed an old-timer. what was it?” while still in his teen ws manager for 2 p “No: “Dan, pied to a cir tion.” “What salary do you want? asked the manager. ‘‘Beight hundred dollars a night,” replied Dan. “<‘Tell you menager. “Well, speak quick,” ‘T'm losing time.’ “T] give you $4 a week “<All right,’ said Dan, ‘ Atlanta Journal. what I'll do,” said the returned Dan, The Old Gives Place to the New. “What did the death of the Mav of Winchester suggest to you? “Nothing.” “Well, it suggested to me that the Winchester had been downed by the Mauser.”—Cleveland Piain Dealer. His Statu: “Dorothy,” said the mistress of the establishment, happening in just as the gardener went out, “who is that man?” “Only a hoe beau, ma’am,” replied the kitchen maid, blushing rosily.— Chicago Tribune. is TO CURE 4A COLD IN ONE DAY, Take Laxative Bromo Quinine Tablets. Ald druggists refund the money if it fails to cure. ec. E. W. Grove’s signature on each box, The Savage Bachelor. “The Mohammedan religion,” the Sweet Young Thing, wit! pose of starting something, ery man shall have four v “Well.” retorted the Savage Bache- lor, “w of it? Did you ever know of a religion from which the idea ot penance was absent?’—Indianapolis Journal. said Mrs. Winslow's Soothing Syrup. For children teething, softens the gums, reduces n- flammation, allays pain, cures wind colic. 25c a bottice Not Gasping. “J believe,” said the private secre- tary, who knew so much that he was indispensable, “I belie you wou like to own everything. “Except my poor relations,” said the eruel, grasping human octopus, whose madeness as it were.—Indianapolis oue rankling thought was of his self- piesa Ae Class. Envious Foreigner—You Amerieans are making a great ado over the loss of the Charleston. She was only a second-class cr uiser, anyhow. Patriotic American—She makes a first-class wreck all the same.—Chicago ‘Tribune. I know that my life was saved by Piso’s Cure for Consumption.—John A. Miller, Au Sable, Michigan, April 21, 1895. Cautieus.. ‘the Bride’s Father (en the wedding day)—Here is my daughter’s dowry, 20,000 marks. And now I hope yeu'll promise me that you'll be a faithful and loving husband to her. The Bridegroom—Let me count it first!’—Lustige Blaetter. Reliable Help Wanted (Either sex.) The Humanitarian Home and Sanitar- jum for I Mids and Health Seekers, incorporated. Send i2c in stamps for rull information. Address J. H. Tettiebaum, Treasurer, East Las Vegas, Bearing Up. “Mistletoe is awfully scaree this year,” she remarked. famma tried everywhere to get a sprig.” “Well,” he replied, consolingly. as his arm stole around her, “we'll try to struggle along without §t this year.”— Philadelphia North American. “ A Bright Sunday Schoot Teacher. “Can you tell me,” asked a Sunday school teacher of a little boy. “why the Israelites made a golden calf?” “Because they didn’t have gold enough to make a cow,” was the reply. —Ohio State Journal. Attractive Booklet Sent Free. Choice Recipes for making Cocoa and Chocolate. Addreas Walter Baker & Co. Ltd., Dorchester, Mass. Red the Advertisements. You will enjoy this pubiication much better if you will get into the habit of reading the advertisements; they will afford a most amusing study, and will put you in the way of gettiug some excellent bargains. our abvertisers are reliable; they send what they ab- vertise. The man who is always borrowing trouble has no trouble in finding pleuty of lenders, | C ‘ ‘. . + . ‘ . » i . an | a ‘ | e | | iia ’ . me}