Evening Star Newspaper, April 14, 1940, Page 8

Gridiron Club Depicts Roosevelt as Sphinx In Ninth Term ‘No Precedents Left To Break,’ Diners Learn At Annual Fete (Continued From Pirst Page.) ‘With the Wind”"—which they hoped would be the greatest box office at- traction of history. The dinner marked the 55th an- niversary of the Gridiron Club. The club’s president, Mark Foote, pre- sented an association of anniver- saries by paying special tribute to Dr. Walter Damrosch, a guest at the dinner, who first conducted an opera company in February, 1885, while the Gridiron Club was preparing for its first dinner. Mr. Foote called at- tention to the fact that Dr. Dam- rosch is now engaged with other music lovers in & national campaign to maintain the Metropolitan Opera @as one of the great cultural assets of America. At intervals during the evening, the splotlight was turned on the dif-~ ferent presidential candidates, and they in turn were introduced to the guests. The candidates present in- cluded both the leading and the minor ones: Roosevelt, Garner, Hull, Farley, Jackson, McNutt. Wheeler, Democrats; Vandenberg, Dewey, Taft, Bridges, Martin, Gan- nett, Willkie, Bricker, Republicans Mr. Farley and Mr. Hamilton, na- tional chairmen of their parties, faced each other. The evening of entertainment was opened by the “Gridiron Owls” who flapped across the stage with the query: “Whom will they nominate? ‘Whom will they elevate, Roosevelt, Garner, Farley, Mc- Nutt? Vandenberg, Taft, Dewey, tut, tut! Who in this room tonight, ‘Who has the answer right? Who, well you ought to know who— ‘Who? Who? Who?” Foote Inaugurated. Mr. Foote, Washington corre- epondent for the Booth newspapers of Michigan, was inaugurated presi- dent of the club for 1940. Walter Karig, Washington correspondent of the Newark Evening News' and Duke Shoop, correspondent of the Kansas City Star, were initiated as new members. President Roosevelt closed the dinner with an off-the- record speech. Senator Vandenberg of Michigan, Republican presidential candidate, was the only other speak- er. The music was by the red-coated Marine Band, led by Lt, William F. BSantelman. While the lights were dimmed, with the outlines of the gridiron looming in the dark, Mr. Foote wel- comed the club's guests. “This is the only kind of blackout we ever have in America,” Mr. Foote said. *“But tonight we are go- ing to have a lot of fun in the dark. Even in this lucky land there are a lot of funny things. If you don’t believe that, look around when the lights go on. “But now everybody is in the dark. Martin Dies is even seeing things in the dark, and finding some. 8o is the Monopoly Committee, which is trusting to its luck. Afti- New Deal Democrats say the Labor Board is the light that failed. Re- publicans are worrying about the dark vote, We are all in the dark, especially about the plans of a cer- tain person. Parties Could Do Worse. “FEuropean Wwar may give us Roosevelt's candidacy again, and Finnish relief may give us Hoover’s. In both cases, the parties could go further and do worse—and prob- ably will, “But while F, D. is seeking neace in Europe, Bill Green and John L. Lewis have declared for no peace at any price in America, * * * “Headed for Chicago, the Demo- crats and their fellow travelers may run into trouble, If they do they cannot tell a lie, They did it with their little Hatch, * * * “Be admonished in any event that rhapsodists will rant, that the pil- lars of the Republic will totter, that you will be knee-deep in blather and flapdoodle, and that for a while people will follow any professional patriot with a loose larynx. The campaign song for all will be ‘Oh Promise Me’ But America is a sturdy, youthful nation. It will sur- vive even a presidential election year.” ’ In a budget skit, Amos and Andy had a great deal of trouble with the “astronomical figures” of the New Deal budget . Andy said, “Amos, I'se so worried about the budget.” Amos—“Now dere you goeg, always takin’ on somebody else’s troubles. How come you worry so much about the budget, when President Roosevelt he ain't payin’ it no mind?” McNuit's Name Mentioned. Enter Kingfish—“Good mawnin’ brother Andy, hello brother Amos. My brother, I ain't got no time to waste, I'se come fo' de money.” Amos—“If'n you is a revenoo agent, how come you ain't out in Indiana wid de .est of ’em after McNutt? Kingfish—“We done finished him off. What the infernal revenue remission wants to know is, how much money you got?” Amos found satisfaction from a etatement by the President about the national debt, that, “After ail, mah friends, we only owe this debt to ourselves.” They concluded. after & discussion of what comes after a billion, “is just more billions.” In a “Confucius Say” skit, Demo- cratic candidates walked on the stage wearing Roosevelt masks, and the Gridiron chorus sang: “Yo-high-ho, politics a funny thing. Yo-high-ho, make you wanna laugh and sing. Confucius say one thing is true today, Every Democrat Looks just like that. Remember what Confucius say.” A radio announcer gave a chro- nology of Roosevelt’s different nom- inations, beginning with San Fran- cisco for Vice President in 1920. The Marine Band played, “How Dry I Am.” In 1928 the scene was New York, the announcer wearing a brown derby proclaimed him the nominee for Governor, and the band layed, “East Side, West Side.” en in 1932 Roosevelt was nomi- nated for President, and the refrain was “Happy Days.” And again nom- {nated in 1936, the band played, *“Merry-Go-Round Broke Down.” ‘The- announcer' was caught in & tered the Willard Hotel for the SUNDAY STAR, WASHINGTON, D. C., “APRIL "14, 1940 —PART ONE. NO CONTEST—Senator Arthur Vandenberg of Michigan and Thomas E. Dewey (right), rivals for Republican National Convention delegates and the presidential nomination, doffed political box- ing gloves last night for starched shirts at the Gridiron Club dinner. % Senator Carter Glass of Virginia (left) and George H. Harrison, Federal Reserve Bank, arrived early for the Gridiron Club dinner last night. ’ —Underwood & Underwood: Photo. Chief Justice Charles Evans Hughes appeared slightly startled at the outburst of applause from bystanders as he en- Gridiron Club dinner, but soon recovered and bowed slightly his appreciation. —Harris-Ewing Photo. dragnet and rushed from the stage before he made the 1940 nomina- tion. * Baby Snooks Skit. Baby Snoows was depicted as questioning Daddy about Repub; lican candidates and principles be= fore the latter left for the Phila- delphia convention next June. Daddy? Daddy: Well, a platform is a statement of party policies. Our candidate will stand on it. Snook: Uh-huh. . .. I thoughnt Daddy. Daddy: No, Snooks, no. I mean runs at the same time. I mean he takes a stand and then runs. Snooks: I thought'you said only Democrats did that, Daddy. Daddy: They do, Snooks, they do. That's the difference between Re- publicans and Democrats. In the initiation skit the Grid- iron Club discovered one of those elusive submarines for which the Navy long had searched. When the undersea craft came to the surface it was discovered that on board were the two new members of the Gridiron Club, Mr. Karig and Mr. Shoop. In a gorgeously costumed skit, the club- found in Marco Polo, the “rov- ing ambassador and finder of facts” for the Doge of Venice, a precedent for Sumner Welles, who recently re- turned from a fact-finding trip to Europe. Revealed to the guests were the qualifications of some of the wealthy persons who had be- come American The b Snooks: What is a platform, | you said the man was going to run, | yes. H stands on the platform and | | | scene was laid in Venice, awaiting the return of “Marco Polo Welles.” Cromwell Sings. Jimmy Cromwell, who said he had been in Canada “making campaign issues for the Republicans,” intro- duced himself. Accompanying him were three “fine feathered friends,” Democrats but rich, Bill Bullitt, Joe Kennedy and Joe Davies. Davies said: “We wait to wel- | come the return from strange and distant ports of Marco Polo Welles, sent forth by the Doge to get the low-down on Europe and mayhap bring peace.” Cromwell then sang: “I'm as handsome as an Eden, and I've surely got the rocks To make a perfect diplomat, but I'm a chatterbox. When I smile it's so delightful, when I talk it causes pain, It's always risky chatter—Scat- terbrain. I know I'll never be a Senator, I cheered for birth control; So Hague said Cromwell is a risk I cannot take. ‘When they sent me up to Ottawa I made the same mistake— I simply can’t conceal it—I'm & statesman on the make.” Davies said: “So you are really one of us. How did you get in Cromwell: “The same way you did, I'll bet. How did you get into diplomacy?” (He pointed to Davies). Davies: “Well, when I saw all the campaign contributors getting swell jobs hobnobbing with royalty, I was not going to be left at the post. So I went to Russia and stayed there until the cream ran out. Then I went to_ Belgium for two weeks too. That made me an Y ¢ —A. P. Photo. ¥ president of the New York MARK FOOTE. - expert on European affairs and I was assigned to the State Depart- ment. Any time the Secretary wants my advice he can call me up in Palm Beach.” Kennedy: “That's the way we get to be diplomats in the United States.” Slap-Slap Happy Way. Then he sang: “It's a slap-happy way ‘Where you go depends on what you care to pay The right amounts If your check don't bounce Rate a job in far Cathay. For a paltry fifty grand, London is_your place, Or Paris—if you back the right horse in the race. It's a slap-slap happy way To represent the U. 8. A ‘When diplomats Have to be fat cats It's a slap-slap happy way.” Secretary of State Hull then en- ARMSTRON Complete selection of 1940 Guaranteed workmanship. Corner 11th & H Sts. N.W. it Monday and Tuesday Only LAID and CEMENTED FREE Brass at Doors—No Extra Charge Our Estimator will submit samples and measure your room ithout cost. RoYAL LiNoLEUM Co. tered wearing a red cloak and a coonskin cap, head bowed. Davies (aside to Bullitt): “Don't kid the old gent. He may be the next President. First gondolier: “And if you aren’t careful you will wind up in the Balkans. That is where George Earle went for his money.” Hull then sang: “I was in power while things were dull Then came September and— good night Hull! I used to tell him what he ‘should know Now I get the news on my radio, Here is the mystery too deep for me Who in the Hell is the Secre- taree Since back in 1939, A. D.” Welles entered, dressed immacu- lately and followed by his valet, and refused to talk. Hull: “Tarnation, cain't yew talk? Ain't yew picked up a smidgin of gossip whilst you was ambassadorin around over yonder?” Welles gave Hull a supercilious look and sang: “When I ambass I just ambass for Franklin, President of U. 8. A, And when I write I only write to Franklin A picture postcard every day. When I report I just report to Franklin That is how 1 get this way And when I talk— I only talk to Franklin 'Cause he tells me what to say.” Secretaries Distressed. Democratic leaders trooped on the stage, followed by naval and military aides in dress uniforms, a congres- sional committee wearing long, white whiskers, and Associate Jus- tice Murphy in a beach robe and carrying a beach umbrella. The scene was Hyde Park during the ninth administration of President Roosevelt. Pa Watson and Steve Early, presidential secretaries, ap- peared distressed that Roosevelt had found no way to get out of the White House. Watson: “If he only had quit away back there in 1940. Everybody wanted him to quit.” Early: “Everybody—but him.” Back of the stage was a huge statue of a sphinx. Senator Byrd: “That's a fine like- ness of the President—or do you think so, Senator Harrison?” Senator Harrison: “Senator Byrd, you don't have to look at the like- | ness to know he is still President.| All you have to do is look at the Treasury’s books.” Secretary Morgenthau sang: “Though your hair has turned to silver, Nothing else has changed its hue. For the budget's still unbalanced And the Democrats are, too. Through the years with you we wander, In a rosy cloud we're led— You are still the same old Frank- lin, And we still are in the red.” No Radio Speech. There was much discussion why the President remained so silent, not even delivering a radio speech. Vice President Garner said he believed the President should go on the radio again. Early said: “It looks as though it's going to be as hard to get Presi- dent Roosevelt out of the White House as it would be to get Harry Woodring out of the War Depart- ment.” Watson: “Steve, there's nothing left for the President in all these extra terms, is there?” Early: “Not a thing. No more precedents to break—he's broken them all.” Watson: “No more money to spend—he’s spent it all.” Early: “No more appointments to screen tests in Hollywood by the Grand Old Photoplay Co. John Hamilton was the director and in- troduced the candidates to their bosses, including Weir, Landon, Knox and Doctor Frank. Big Role for Picture. Hamilton opined:" “Gentlemen, there’s only one name for our big 1940 production. It’s called ‘On With the Wind’ What we need now is a hero for this picture. Who is going to play Scurless O'Nominee in our version of ‘On With the Wind'? It's & big role. Something like Abraham Lincoln. Something like Gen. Sherman. Only it’s not Atlanta. It's Washington we are going to burn up.” Hoover asked for a role in the picture with the title “Bert Hoover Rides Again.” But Weir objected and demanded the real stars. Taft was introduced and sang: “I want a job, just like the job They gave to dear old dad. Let precedent make me President, Ohio ain’t so0 bad. After a Roosevelt you need a Taft, Close the window on the third- term draft. I want a job, just like the job They gave to dear old dad.” Mickey Dewey was introduced and sang to the tune of “The Little Red Fox”: “N'yah, n'ya, n'ya, I'm the wonder boy; N'ya, n'ya, you can't catch me; N'ya, n'ya, n'ya, I'm the glamour boy— Infant prodigee. On each fine speech I work for weeks, Casting a binding spell; I want a chance to wear long pants And give the New Deal hell. N'ya, n'ya, n'ya, I'm the foxy boy; N'ya, n'ya, you can't match me. N'ya, n'ya, n'ya, I'm the pretty boy; Where's that White House key? Oh, Washington needs me.” James Cagney Vandenberg was introduced and it was recalled he | was the one who turned down a part | in the 1936 Republican show. Song by Vandenberg. Vandenberg sang: “Oh, I was a Dutchman in Grand Rapids town But now in the Senate I'm living it down— | But running for President—turn : it around— | For the office is seeking the man | (that'’s me). On each issue I state my posi- tion, it’s true, By watching my q's and my p’s. Though it looks like a fine ex- hibition, to you, Of the man on the flying trapeze. Chorus: Oh, he flies thru the air with the greatest of ease The Michigan man on the flying trapeze He’s doing his best all the voters to please While the office is seeking the | man (that's me). | _The four Marx brothers, Bridges, | Martin, Bricker and Gannett, walked { on the stage. Hamilton showed con- | fusion over the fact these men had | appeared demanding a screen test. | He was interrupted by a telegram | | from the board of directors of.the | party, Dupont, Hilles and Pew, offer- | | ing $200,000 for the convention. The | skit ended with the chorus singing: | “Philadelphia, here we come 1 Eight long years are almost done. Give us back ten million votes, Philadelphia, here we come.” | ‘The Gridiron Club presented a | “big house” party at Atlanta, scene, | |the rock pile. Since the census | | squabble in Congress. the enactment | of the Hatch Act, the Wagner Act | make—everybody's working for the | Government.” Watson: “Can’t he still go fish- ing?” Early: “No, he can't even take a vacation any more—there’s nothing | to take a vacation from.” Watson: “No more Republicans to oppose.” Early: “No, they've all been de- ported to Little America, and elected | § Dick Byrd President and a whisky- drinking evil old penguin as Vice President.” No Lawsuits Any More. Senator Byrd said no one brought lawsuits any more, In the Roosevelt ninth term, because every one knew how they would be decided. Senator Harrison declared there were only eight justices of the Supreme Court. Thereupon Murphy entered and gave his own reply in song about the whereabouts of the ninth justice: “Moon over Miami, Hot spots in old New York. That's where I go, quo warranto, For judicial work.” Early said the only way “to get out of the nightmare” was to wake up. A member representing Senator Byrnes sang an appeal to the Presi- dent to break his silence on the third term: “Overhead the stars are shining, As they shone in days gone by. Let us bring back days of ninety- four-o, Let us wake without repining, From this dream of greater glory: Only you can tell us how, O Franklin! Break the silence, close the stol ry— Let us awaken—now.” The Republican skit depicted the | § leading G. O. P. candidates having GS INLAID petterns. $1.29 § & Se. Y4 District 7410 Because in Old Natchez. You will find offering as it wil ture for Porch an, give a recital on and “the vaudeville act,” the con- clusion was that crime did not pay. Senator Tobey: “Shades of Patrick Henry, what price liberty in Amer- ica today? Open your mouth in poli- tics, you go to the booby-Hatch. Shut your mouth in the census, you g0 to the hoosegow. The paths of glory lead but to the jail” Marks Wrong Thanksgiving. The skit showed a Palm Beach dowager, who found herself in prison because she refused to answer den- sus questions concerning her in- come, and the “little man” for cele- brating the wrong Thanksgiving. Drooling Springs, Mo., joined the rock pile | crew, & “real criminal,” who violated tch Act for pernicious politi- The postmaster of the cal activity. Tobey remarked: “Why don't you go after the real big shot, the fellow who snaps his fingers at all the laws? The soclety dowager: “Yes, he’s served two terms already. They even threaten him with a third term —but he only jJaughs (heh heh) the egotistical thing.” Postmaster: “He violates the wage-hour law by working overtime, and the Hatch Act by continuous political activity.” Tobey: “He won't answer ques- tions. He won't talk. He won't even say whether he's got a mortgage on these dinners before. You can't fool me. The man you are talking about is Mark Foote, the new presi- dent of the Gridiron Club.” John Russell Young of the Wash- ington Evening Star, a member of the club and newly appointed Dis- trict Commissioner, was put through his paces. Henry L. West, the oldest active member of the club, who served as District Commissioner under appointment by President Theodore Roosevelt, was introduced as the man who wrote the first traffic code for the Capital, “and look what Washington traffic has been like ever since,” said & club member. A policeman appeared with a parking ticket which he handed to the member. The member appesled to Mr. Young, whose only comment was: “Fine work, officer, you did your duty. Lock him up.” Pan-American Conference Of Health Directors Set Fifty delegates from many Amer- ican republics are expected to ate tend the fourth Pan-American Con- ference of National Directors of the house he’s living in.” The inauguration of Mr. Foote was preceded by the chorus singing the Michigan song: “Hail to the victors valiant, Hail to the conq'ring heroes, Hail, hail Michigan, The leaders and best. Hail to the victors valiant Hail to the conq’ring heroes, Halil, hail to Michigan The champions of the West.” Fail to Justify. An attempt was made to give the | answer to the “Gridiron Owls,” who | would be the next President, meet- | ing the requirements of being a | Michigander. | It was shown that Senator | ‘Wheeler was an alumnus of the Uni- | versity of Michigan, but he did not qualify. Dewey was born and edu- | cated in Michigan, but he did not fill the bill. The same was true of Justice Murphy and Senator Van- denberg. | The spotlight was turned on each candidate with a Michigan back- | Health here May 1 to 8. Large dele- gations will come from Argentina, Cuba and Mexico. Health exhibits will be held at the Pan-American Union Building and the Commerce Department. Scientific films will be shown in connection with discussions of pub- lic health problems. A number of delegates will remain in Washington for sessions of the section of public health and med- icine of the eighth American Scien- tific Congress May 10 to 18. On Wednesday night, May 8, the Conference of State and Provincial Health Authorities will devote a meeting to the visitors from Latin America it was announced. Pharmaceutical Meeting The Washington Branch of the American Pharmaceutical Associa- tion will hold its April meeting toe morrow night, beginning at 8 o'clock, in the American Institute of Phar- 2215 Constitution avenue ground as they were rejected in turn. | macy, President Roosevelt then interrupted | N.W. the proceedings and said: The meeting will be open to non- “Wait a minute. I've been to'members. YOUR OWN MUSICAL DESIRES OR TENDENCIES OF THE KIDDIES Test CITY'S FINEST RENTAL STOCK KIMBALL . l“‘\ " SELECT A STYLE YOU MIGHT LIKE TO KEEP KIMBALL SUPPLIES on ATTRACTIVE RENTAL BASIS BRAND NEW SPINETS AND ALL MODERN STYLES Including Music Compartment Benches to Match Rental Payments Credited if Purchased W. W. KIMBALL CO. BUILDER® OF WORLD FAMOUS PIANOS AND PIPE ORGANS 721 Eleventh St. N.W. JUST NORTH PALAIS ROYAL Repeating Our Invitation of the extremely inclement weather Friday evening, we shall repeat the Evening Exhibition of Porch and Garden Furniture Tomeorrow—Monday—38 to 10 In The Sloane Garden The Entire Street Floor has been transformed into a verl- table garden, suggestive of the famous annual Flower Shows the exhibit very interesting, we are sure— Il, an opportunity to leisurely inspect this exceptional display of NEW and EXCLUSIVE designs in Furni- d Garden. Again on MONDAY EVENING, Mrs. Ida V. Clarke will the Hammond Organ. And, of course, no goods will be sold, We hope you will find it convenient to be our gue: Monday Evening, 8 to 10 0°Clock v« SLOANE 710 TWELFTH STREE TN t